Would you wait to have sex until a relationship is formed?

Cheesypunlord · 2022-08-03T07:23:51+00:00

Uh, using sex as a bargaining chip for a relationship on either end of the gender spectrum is like; massively fucked up. I don’t think the way you are approaching this is healthy at all.

Sexual compatibility is incredibly important for a relationship obviously, but it’s far from the only thing. Also the language used here is kinda gross.

Until you “fully vet” her?? She’s a potential partner not your employee or something. I really don’t disagree with her choice not to have sex with you, Becuase my guess is she has a sense for the way you are treating her as a potential sex object more then a person

You don’t form a relationship that you want to last like this. You’re treating this like you’re some sort of prize being competed for , “cutting your losses”.

Sheesh.

NockerJoe · 2022-08-02T23:23:23+00:00

Bro its been two months and you do everything else just call her your fucking girlfriend already.

backcourtjester · 2022-08-02T23:29:29+00:00

Religious texts don’t arbitrarily say to do or not do things. Sex creates a bond between people and it is much smarter to create that bond with someone you deem worthy of such a relationship

DorianneGrey · 2022-08-02T23:26:17+00:00

As I woman I only have sex in an exclusive relationship. Always have and it’s what works for me. If that doesn’t work for someone else, I happily encourage them to move on.

IMO, sex is an important part of a mutually fulfilling relationship between people who choose each other above all others, not a test drive.

Ymmv🤷‍♀️

SmakeTalk · 2022-08-03T07:05:23+00:00

I don’t get why you’re even seeing other people if she’s bothering to clean up after you?

To me it sounds kinda like you’re taking advantage of the situation a bit. You know what you have to do to take things to the next level with her, who you claim to like the most, but you’re not sacking you because…. Why?

I literally see no reason other than fear or selfishness to not make her your gf.

If you’re worried because it’s “too soon” maybe apply that logic to her not wanting to sleep with a guy who’s casually fucking two other women at the same time?

To me she’s establishing a very clear and healthy boundary, especially given your extracurriculars, so either nut up and try committing or let her find someone who will.

Novadina · 2022-08-02T23:31:53+00:00

Aren’t you in a relationship with her if you’ve been seeing her for two months?? You are having sex with other people?? What the hell, if you like her, why wouldn’t you just drop the others and sleep with her?

It doesn’t seem that weird to only want sex with someone once they agree to exclusivity if you want a monogamous relationship, it’s not like she’s wanting to wait until marriage. Dude I went on one date with my partner and dropped my FWB as soon as I got home because I knew I wanted a second date! And we had the exclusivity talk after like a couple weeks. It shouldn’t take you 2 months to know if you want her as a girlfriend or not.

thrilloftheporo · 2022-08-03T04:32:02+00:00

Hi yes non religious woman here. I’m in a long term relationship and I made my partner wait several dates at first. I completely stand by this decision and If I were ever to date again I would 100% make them wait until we were official before giving it up. It’s just smart on multiple levels. Reason #1 being this allows you to get to know each other without that hormonal, chemical bond clouding your vision. Reason #2 this is a pretty good weed out tactic. Some men will say literally anything to get in your pants so forcing them to wait it out for a little while allows you to cut through the bs and see what they’re really all about. Those who don’t actually like you for you will drop off which is a good thing. Reason #3 let’s not forget that sex is a health risk particularly for women and it’s incredibly wise to wait and gauge the level of trust and commitment the person deserves. Ultimately, even with birth control in the equation you should always at least weigh the possibility of addressing the pregnancy scenario with that person.

WYenginerdWY · 2022-08-03T02:27:43+00:00

As for me I am talking and having sex with two other girls but I dont like them as much as her so no scarcity mindset on my end.

Typical.

Does she know that you're keeping side pieces? If not, you should tell her and I think that'll solve your problem.

Moon-on-my-mind · 2022-08-03T00:58:22+00:00

Yes, i always wait. Even when i was young. I need the bond and attraction to be there and only then i am comfortable enough and fully into my partner to start having sex together.

Not all were ok with that and it's ok. We each have our choice.

sabiinvesting · 2022-08-03T00:25:58+00:00

It is perfectly normal to only have sex in a LTR. Maybe her parents are on the more conservative side? She is already cooking and cleaning for you, so it kinda makes sense.

nvkr_ · 2022-08-03T08:56:58+00:00

That’s really a ridiculous question. You don’t sign a contract, you don’t move in together, there’s literally no risk for you to just start a relationship. So why the hell are you so keen on vetting her for something that doesn’t cost you anything?

thrilloftheporo · 2022-08-02T23:31:43+00:00

I have dealt with a lot of women in the past so I kind of know I am the only guy she is seeing at the moment. As for me I am talking and having sex with two other girls but I dont like them as much as her so no scarcity mindset on my end.

She just doesn't wanna be another hole you fuck.

LotBuilder · 2022-08-03T01:15:39+00:00

I think it is reasonable for a woman to want to be in an exclusive relationship before having sex. Fool around a bit before to make sure that chemistry is good but otherwise 4/5 dates over 6 weeks is not unreasonable.

Cupcakelover1985 · 2022-08-03T01:17:06+00:00

I would and always have because a man who waits and is committed will put more effort into making sure you’re comfortable and enjoying yourself than a random dude you barely know.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-08-03T14:57:27+00:00

Yes I would wait till I was in a relationship to have sex. But then I also would not want to date a man who is fucking 2 other women. I don’t like STDs.

RealNiceLady · 2022-08-03T00:45:42+00:00

I am a man with a woman who wants to wait until a relationship to have sex. She isn't religious so it kind of confused me as to why she would want to.

Religious women wait until marriage, but non-religious women wait until a relationship because men like to pump and dump and it keeps the body count low.

Overall she is super beautiful with no major red flags that I see other than not wanting to proceed until a relationship.

That's not a red flag.

thrilloftheporo · 2022-08-03T00:06:12+00:00

I think I am confused about what you are asking. She wants a relationship before having sex. So if you don't she should see other guys to figure out if there is somebody better to have a relationship with.

You are banging some other chicks.

Where is the issue?

Financial_Leave4411 · 2022-08-03T01:33:55+00:00

I think she is right to wait till a relationship is confirmed before sleeping with you. That is how women can keep their n count down and see if the guy is a player or if he wants a serious relationship. Time is precious especially for younger women so they don’t need to waste time on situationships. So either shit or get off the pot!

2022-08-03T23:49:56+00:00

This gets asked daily.

Many women feel viscerally uncomfortable having sex with someone they don't know really well. They require a feeling of safety and deeper chemistry.
Getting pumped and dumped is humiliating, and they want to avoid that.
Religion aside, slut shaming still permeates society and women internalise it.

If you don't like it, then by all means leave.

ILivetoEat_ · 2022-08-03T06:10:01+00:00

Okay it sounds like you just want to understand her perspective based on your replies so I have a few points from my personal experience and experience of other women around me.

Personally, I find a relationship way more fulfilling when I can be sure that sex isn't always necessary. I grew up around guys that would normalize having sex for fun, but an unfortunate side effect is that they way they talk about women is.. questionable, and there was often a lack of respect for her privacy plus the general perceptipn of that woman. A LOT of heartbreak for the women around me came from trying to exchange sex for love, but it usually ended in regret for them. Waiting is a way of protection.

Another possibility is that she sees sex as something special and intimate, not just something to do because it's hot. She finds fulfillment in having sex not just for the pleasure but from the comfort of fully trusting her partner and having a connection. She likes it being something that only you two experience with each other, not just some normal everyday activity. I don't see sex as just a leisurely activity when I'm horny, and I don't want to see it that way, I love only being able to experience it with people I build a connection with; if I ever become single again I might even wait till marriage because it'll just be so much more special to me.

Some people honestly cannot have sex WITHOUT feelings. I'm one of those people, I can't stand the thought of having a FWB. Sex can be really damaging with the wrong person, I learned that the hard way.

These are just a few possibilities, but honestly you should have a conversation about it with her. You'll learn more about it and find out why it's important to her :))

bottleblank · 2022-08-03T00:07:19+00:00

How is this even a question? How are you not "in a relationship" together at this point? Why wouldn't you just ditch the playing around and make it official?

Do you want this thing or not? Doesn't seem like you do.

Shit or get off the pot.

Blaphrodite · 2022-08-03T01:17:36+00:00

I’m a woman.

Some women attach very strongly after sex and know that it’s not the same for men. You pointed out you’re having sex with 2 other women, she would be the third.

She would rather be someone’s special someone, someone’s one and only.

So far, you haven’t said anything that shows that you’re that person. To her, a commitment to an exclusive relationship is a step in that direction.

But she’s not one for the harem or rotation life. Kindly respect her decision and enjoy your other women as you’re doing and leave her out of it.

Some guy somewhere will understand and respect it. She’s not one of those girls fucking every guy she thinks is cute or that takes her on a date.

pinktuliplover · 2022-08-02T23:29:18+00:00

Plenty of girls only have sex in relationships. It’s a great thing.

But why are you waiting 6 months to decide if she’s your girl? Sounds like you just want to waste time so you can do whatever you want without commitment.

Gigamon2014 · 2022-08-03T01:04:31+00:00

2 months and you don’t know if you want a relationship?

Throw4Doubts · 2022-08-03T03:30:21+00:00

You're casually seeing 2 other women. Maybe she doesn't want to join that list so that she doesn't get written off like that. If you are interested in this lady stop seeing the other 2 and properly focus on this one. She may let her guard down then.

Erinknows · 2022-08-03T08:32:45+00:00

If you chatting and sleeping with 2 other women while seeing this women, she is making a wise call not sleeping with you.

She sounds like an absolute keeper. She's better off without you mate.

EmpressJJ · 2022-08-03T07:30:10+00:00

What the the hell is this post

ConfusedPuddle · 2022-08-03T11:41:56+00:00

Maybe she doesn't wanna have sex cause she can smell the fear of commitment. But like ultimately you just need to communicate all of this with her and figure it out with her.

ttehrman519 · 2022-08-03T11:44:10+00:00

You’re practically in a relationship and she sounds great, why not just stop having sex with the other women and pursue her if she obviously makes you feel good and you want her over others. I don’t see what the problem is here you’ve already answered your own question. Does she know you’re having sex with those other girls currently?

Katatonicsnake · 2022-08-03T12:48:40+00:00

What are you confused about exactly? People have different boundaries, and they need to be respected, not necessarily understood or agreed with.

I wouldn’t have oral sex with someone without being in a relationship for at least two years. Some of my friends want to date for months before having sex, some don’t. Girlfriend status is important for many women.

One of my friend was dating a man, and she told him that she doesn’t want to have sex until they are in an established relationship. He agreed and told her there’s no issue. They went on like 20 dates, and she asked him if they would make it official. He was reluctant, apparently he needs to have sex before agreeing to anything officially. This is not the first time I hear a similar story. I don’t understand why so many men aren’t open about their preferences or boundaries, and instead wait or try to manipulate a woman to change hers.

Jake0024 · 2022-08-03T13:51:26+00:00

Me reading:

"You've been dating two months and aren't having sex because you aren't calling it 'a relationship'? Why don't you just... start doing that?"

"Oh I see you're fucking 2 other girls on the side... no wonder she's hesitant. What are you confused about again?"

poppy_blu · 2022-08-03T16:14:18+00:00

Have you told her that you don’t want to commit exclusively for at least 6 months? Because if you have, that’s likely why she’s making you wait. She likes you (otherwise she’d have moved on) but she also wants commitment from you and doesn’t want to be just another woman you are sleeping with.

Im the first to say people should do what they want and if the other person doesn’t like the arrangement it’s on them to walk away. But if you have criteria (non exclusive dating for 6 months) that frankly is pretty unusual, it’s only fair that she has her own criteria that may seem to you equally unusual or unfair.

You said you’ve tried talking to her about it. How are you approaching the conversation? Because there could be other reasons she doesn’t want to have sex — past trauma, doesn’t like sex in general. If you talk about it in an exploratory way versus a why don’t you want to sleep with me accusatory way, she might reveal that there is something going on that has nothing to do with you.

bitchesandincelshit · 2022-08-03T18:11:36+00:00

Yes I share similar mindset as her. I wait until we are bf/gf and in love because sex is important for me and a special experience that I want to share with a person who is going to be there for me. Even thinking about a guy leaving my bed to sleep w someone else makes me feel used and icky.

2022-08-03T03:54:44+00:00

I have dealt with a lot of women in the past so I kind of know I am the only guy she is seeing at the moment. As for me I am talking and having sex with two other girls but I dont like them as much as her so no scarcity mindset on my end.

Sounds like she doesn't want to be another plate. Smart.

GoldenHornyChicken · 2022-08-03T08:10:32+00:00

Lol.. you're sleeping with 2 other girls while seeing her and you don't want to form a relationship before 6 monthes ? Well, you deserve what happens to you. Her wanting to wait is probably exactly adressing your behaviour, and lack of implication. You need to decide if you like her enough or not, to give it a genuine chance. Or just let her go.

5x69fq29d0f6m33k17b0 · 2022-08-03T01:45:00+00:00

She isn't religious so it kind of confused me as to why she would want to.

You don't have to be religious to want a level of familiarity and intimacy before you have sex.

We have been seeing one another for about two months now and everything has been great.

Okay, cool. If you're happy to wait, then there's no problem here.

I asked her why is she wanting to wait and she doesn't give me a direct answer.

You don't always need a rational articulation to explain the way you feel.

Helpful-Drag6084 · 2022-08-03T04:28:37+00:00

I am like this girl. I’m not religious but was raised to wait. It allowed me to sus out genuine partners versus guys who wanted to use my body and get a quick lay. She’s smart and only dating seriously. If she’s worth it to you, deal with it

Diddy_1978 · 2022-08-03T08:51:36+00:00

So… let’s make it clear: she is a high value woman from every point of view. If you want a chance, be a high value man and give this relationship a chance. Stop seeing your side pieces. Give this a real chance by seeing her only and decide if she is a person you’d like to spend life with. If you are not there yet, leave her to find someone better suited. If she ever finds out you have side chicks, she is gonna go. She is not desperate and knows her own self worth.

Academic_Snow_7680 · 2022-08-03T12:55:12+00:00

So you want all the benefits of a relationship without actually being in a relationship. Don't you see the hypocrisy here?

Of course she wants some guarantee from you before she starts taking that risk.

You are the only thing standing in the way of your happiness. You are acting hella selfish here, wanting all the upside for yourself without giving her anything in return. You don't spend any money treating her nice, she actually cleans and cooks for you and is providing you with free labor that you do not seem to respect at all - but you want MORE. You want it all without giving her anything of value in return.

Some day you are going to look back on this and cringe.

doggiedoc2004 · 2022-08-03T05:30:03+00:00

This chick should ditch you ASAP. Having two side pieces is a HUGE red flag. Good for her for setting boundaries. Hopefully you will not lie. She should move on to someone who reciprocates her caring and thoughtful behavior. All I can hope for is that you are trolling.

2022-08-03T13:31:04+00:00

She's not into casual sex. Why is that hard to understand?

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-08-03T02:22:25+00:00

Do what you want.

From her perspective she wants to know she's your girl, the one who you wanted over your side chicks, before she had sex with you

For some of us sex is still something intimate that we only want to do with a guy who we like and who likes us back. And the best way to judge that a guy likes us and the we like him back over other people is a relationship

So if she gets tired of waiting for commitment she might dip. You might get tired of waiting for sex so you might dip. Whatever but bloody hell figure it out.

If you like her you like her, if you don't you don't. It's a relationship, not a marriage

2022-08-03T02:30:58+00:00

Yes 100%. Don't beelieve in hook/ups

Dragonnstuff · 2022-08-03T03:38:47+00:00

It is perfectly understandable and normal that she wants to wait until a relationship is formed to have sex. This ideology isn’t mutually exclusive to one gender either. Sex for many people is something very intimate and don’t want to be left directly after, seeking a longterm relationship. It’s more about whether you’re ready to start a relationship since it seems she is.

2022-08-03T04:46:51+00:00

Yeah I'd wait I have been a virgin for 23 years so what's 6 more months going to do.

2022-08-03T08:36:11+00:00

As for me I am talking and having sex with two other girls but I dont like them as much as her so no scarcity mindset on my end.

Please don't do this to her. Yes, it is possible that she is sleeping around as well while pretending to wait but what if she waits for you for real hoping that you also wait for her for real.

I see two options.

First option which I personally would give myself as an advice: Drop any sexual relationships you have right now and focus only on the one real woman in your life.

Second option: Drop the woman who wants to wait and keep on banging.

Third option: Keep both relationships going. By all respect, but killing yourself with dynamite would cause less damage than that

2022-08-03T02:38:40+00:00

She doesn't want to get hurt or be used by you. She doesn't want to have sex with a man that's actively having sex with two other women while dating her. She wants to feel special and loved. This is normal.

You can always break up if things don't work out. Vetting for 6 months is much more unusual than waiting for commitment to have sex.

vampirestd · 2022-08-03T07:20:55+00:00

I hope you get an std from one of your “side pieces”. that green flag woman you’re talking to would dump your ass if she knew you were sneaking around

Barneysparky · 2022-08-02T23:47:12+00:00

How can she being cleaning for you but you are not in an exclusive relationship?

Being exclusive does not mean you are marrying this woman, it means you are dating.

Are you ok with a date with her on Friday and she goes out with another guy on Saturday?

If no, then sounds like you are dating, if not either something is broken or you are just not into her.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2022-08-03T00:42:54+00:00

No. I wouldn't personally. To each their own though.

username4comments · 2022-08-03T02:04:33+00:00

This is common, although I realize sleeping with someone before you’re in a committed relationship is common too. In fact, majority of my life I slept with people before becoming exclusive officially. Due to getting hurt a couple times too many (by me moving too quickly and me having intentions to date someone when they really just wanted to get laid…) finally has changed my ways. I want to truly know someone and vice versa before I slept with them, because ultimately I only want to sleep with people who I’ll be in a relationship with. Same values and intentions as I’ve always had but different process to protect myself.

StoraSkorLitenKuk · 2022-08-04T10:51:27+00:00

Any woman who makes you wait for sex, or by her actions implies she is making you wait for sex; the sex is NEVER worth the wait.

– Iron rule #3 by Rollo Tomassi

You’re wasting your time and you don’t even know if you’re sexually compatible at this point. Escalate or end it.

sunnynihilist · 2022-08-03T16:42:39+00:00

As for me I am talking and having sex with two other girls

so you haven't brought up exclusivity with this girl yet. Maybe she only has sex in an exclusive relationship. She has every reason to. Whether you want to go for that depends on how serious you are about her. if you are just a player, please just let her go

mmm_try_again12345 · 2022-08-02T23:32:42+00:00

I am a man with a woman who wants to wait until a relationship to have sex.

She is right and you should listen to her

As for me I am talking and having sex with two other girls

On second tonight, end things with her. Let her find a traditional man who deserves a traditional woman

Madadepp · 2022-08-03T01:26:51+00:00

If you like her why wouldn’t you be in a relationship with her? It’s not like you are going to marriage and then it’s hard to go back, it’s a relationship, you can end it if something goes wrong. A lot of girls want to wait until have a relationship, there is a lot of reasons for it, for ex, they want to have sex with someone that are not having sex around with other persons, they protect their emotional, they associate sex with emotional attachment. This woman probably likes you but she doesn’t want to have sex with you until the relationship because she wants to protect herself from not suffering and know you are worth it. Your attitudes having sex with other woman’s show that you ar not and that for me just shows how much she is right.

SoIlikeMangos · 2022-08-03T06:23:54+00:00

Why is a traditional woman with traditional values dating someone that's not exclusively dating her? I really don't get it.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-08-03T08:32:28+00:00

Yes, I wait until I'm in a relationship to have sex. In my mind it's the correct order of things, probably because that's what I was taught and mainly what I've seen around me. People who do the opposite are confusing to me. This lady is likely to be the same.

AnOddTree · 2022-08-03T10:49:53+00:00

She probably just demi-sexual and knows her boundaries.

She wants a relationship with you but doesn't want to go all the way till you commit. And you want a relationship but don't want to commit till she goes all the way.

I hope she sees her value and starts giving her time to someone who will treat her the way she deserves.

UsamaBinLadenPill · 2022-08-03T23:50:03+00:00

Bro, forget trying to mind-read. Do what you want.

Your boundary to withhold commitment/relationship status because you feel that she isn't valuing you enough is just as valid as her boundary to withhold sex.

If you are happy with the current situation why make it worse by forcing the issue? She can drop her arbitrary standard if she wants it bad enough.

TravisScottNL · 2022-08-03T06:15:20+00:00

If u got a good girl don’t fuck shit up fam

Honest_Report_8515 · 2022-08-03T09:54:30+00:00

2022-08-03T11:33:57+00:00

The only time I would wait that long to have sex is if she was contributing in other ways and we really have a connection. Is she helping you pay for dates? Does she at least hold your hand/cuddle? If there is physical intimacy there without the sex then she would be worth waiting for. However if she’s just about herself and doesn’t attend to your needs at all then that’s a dealbreaker.

2022-08-03T13:21:44+00:00

If it was until marriage I would worry but until the relationship is formal seems reasonable - the religious sacrifice on sex does show integrity - women know that casual non emotional sex messes them up and most don’t like being used in that way. You have vetted long enough ?

2022-08-03T13:22:10+00:00

I made another comment on my views about this and my reasons why I agree with what she’s doing but I just noticed you said you’re hooking up with two other women. I’m not here to shame you for that, you two are not in a monogamous relationship so there’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing. But that is quite possibly a reason she’s holding out. Like you said, thanks to your dating experience you can tell if someone is also involved with others and she’s probably the same. Unless you two are polyamorous and have a mutual high comfort level with non monogamy, she probably doesn’t want to be another body in your rotation and isn’t giving you access until you cut the others

Mozeeeez · 2022-08-03T13:37:16+00:00

As someone that did that, I regret my decision.

Exotic-One3381 · 2022-08-04T06:50:09+00:00

No idea why this is a big deal. Many players will say they want to be exclusive after maybe 3 dates or so just because they think they will get some sex or at least a blow and will drop you after a couple months. They don't want a relationship. They want a series of temporary bang maids. The point is,many guys will say they want to try being exclusive and will give the woman the labels just to get to banging her then drop her like a used condom when they are done trying her out. The op is only 23,he is just a kid but there isn't anything stopping him trying this tactic. She might be cool with it too. We don't know if she just wants exclusivity for sex, or if she actually wants to meet the love of her life that she might marry. If it's the former, op and the girl are on the same page and he should go exclusive for a couple weeks until the bang. If it's the former, no idea why she is even dating this kid. They need to talk about what she really wants and op needs to be honest. Op can offer exclusivity for a couple weeks or months. Op can't offer a ltr because he is too immature and the opportunity cost will eventually get to him because he wants to sow his oats

Haunting_Afternoon62 · 2022-08-04T21:47:42+00:00

As a chick I wanna wait because it sucks when they pull back after you sleep with them. You feel used and cheap. Having sex when you feel safe and secure with a guy creates better sex. I highly doubt sex with her will be bad or you'd be feeling off when you make out with her already. Unless she has some trauma she hasn't talked about and would be awkward for a bit. It's just weird because a lot of men who say "don't commit before sex" are the same guys mad that she's riding the "dick carousel" but our numbers are only higher because these men won't commit after we give it up and we have to find another dude.

wtknight · 2022-08-03T00:50:40+00:00

I would. Other people are free to make their own decisions, though, although I wouldn't romantically associate with women who make decisions to have sex before relationships are formed.

KayRay1994 · 2022-08-03T00:52:10+00:00

I would wait if I really liked her and wanted the relationship too - but beyond that we’d be wasting each other’s time

AssistTemporary8422 · 2022-08-03T00:44:50+00:00

I completely understand where she is coming from and wish more women were like her. She wants a relationship not hookups, and she knows how men are like. So she won't have sex until she gets you to commit. Either break it off with the other two girls and commit to her, go your separate ways, or keep doing this flirty friendzone thing until she gets tired of waiting.

2022-08-03T10:11:42+00:00

Sure. Sex isn't much of a priority for me so I wouldn't mind waiting. I'd prefer it over rushing into things.

Can't you just vet this woman over the next 6 months while still getting your needs satisfied on the side? Also, just because you two decide to enter into a relationship eventually doesn't mean you can't just end it anyway if there happens to be no sexual compatibility.

Vtridolla · 2022-08-02T23:46:52+00:00

Well you need to define relationship.

If you mean (im assuming exclusive monogamous relationship?) then that’s just her boundaries and you’re either with it or not. For me I woulda been dipped or I’d have somethings on the side until we got there.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-08-04T09:00:33+00:00

As for me I am talking and having sex with two other girls but I dont like them as much as her so no scarcity mindset on my end.

I love how this has made them go crazy.

illegallad · 2022-08-03T04:58:10+00:00

I’m fine with waiting but it would be a hard pass on a relationship requirement first. How could I sign up to date someone before I know if we’re sexually compatible.

ex_red_black_piller · 2022-08-03T08:57:00+00:00

This post is a good example of the phenomena of nice girls also only wanting players.

Nice guys def finish last. I guess I need to be more like this dude.

MasterTeacher123 · 2022-08-04T11:05:42+00:00

No I need to have sex with you before I know I want a relationship

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-08-03T00:22:01+00:00

No, I will wait as long as a woman makes me until she's comfortable but I'm not giving commitment before sex.

midwesternMD · 2022-08-03T02:51:27+00:00

Me personally, no.

I’m a man with limited time.

I’d rather not see a woman for dates for weeks on end without progression to sex in a timely (to me) fashion. Sex is important to me in a relationship. If she doesn’t like me enough to want to have sex somewhat soon-ish, then she doesn’t like me enough, or she doesn’t like sex enough. There’s probably another explanation too. But regardless of explanation, the incompatibility on sexual libidos and passion for each other is basically a dealbreaker for me. For me, going on dates 1-4ish is kind of fun. Going on dates 5+ that end with me remaining sexually frustrated is still kind of fun, but a little less so. Engaging in my hobbies and hanging out with my friends, however, is at least kind of fun. So if I’m not progressing to a sexual relationship by dates 5-10ish, I generally cut my losses and reconnect with activities and people who do bring me joy.

OP: I’d recommend cutting her loose.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2022-08-03T06:24:30+00:00

I never have but most of the women I've had sex with, I eventually went on to date. I would never comitt to a woman that i havenhad sex with, the only exception would be if she was a virgin.

I have a couple if questions for you, how old is she and if she's not religious what is her reasoning for only having sex in committed relationships? If it's from past trauma or experiences with casual sex, then that's something you need to look into if you are going be in an LTR with her. Does she know you are seeing other people besides her?

Impossible_You_8555 · 2022-08-03T10:53:12+00:00

She feels no lust towards you.

Here is my unpc advice. Start flirting with other women, let her know you might leave. Not in a mean way, not directly.

If that doesn't work, she had no physical attraction to you anyway so you dodged a bullet.

Also do you want an ltr with a woman who is that comfortable withholding sex?

Sigma_Fang · 2022-08-03T00:08:29+00:00

Depends. If she was promiscuous before in her early/mid 20s and now finds you to be the beta bux deluxe at 30 then nope, I'm out.

If shes always been like this and doesnt sleep with anyone right away and everything else is golden then I'd be on board. Once you're commited and you're bf/gf if theres still no sex and you're stuck doing choreplay, it's over, time to peace out.

2022-08-03T00:50:14+00:00

Probably not lol, like I'm not waiting months to not have sex.

Up to you if you wanna wait. Chances are peolle who are willing to wait a long time have a lower sex drive, so if you're anhigh sex drive person consider that before becoming invested.

daddysgotanew · 2022-08-03T12:52:00+00:00

No. Not at 30 years old. It’s nothing special really, it’s something I’d rather get out of the way early to make sure we’re compatible that way; so we can then start getting to know each other.

A lot of young men make that mistake. Thinking they need to befriend her and make her feel comfortable first. That’s how you end up with a dead bedroom. It’s sex first early and often - then relationship.

Mobrowncheeks · 2022-08-03T14:30:25+00:00

Alright here’s the truth. Is she a virgin? If so then this is fine.

If she’s not. Then she’s trying to leverage sex to get commitment out of you. I mean what is that anyway, you could have sex with her and then never talk to her again in reality. So what she’s trying to do is lead you into behaviors based on your desire for her, and her sexuality. She either:

Is used to long term relationships that have failed, which means that you just have to show commitment if you want sex with her ( the relationship is already formed, don’t let people fool you, this is specifically about sex as leverage. )

Or she is used to being a side piece, fwb, one night stand etc and is tired of it. The only way I would ltr a habitable hook up girl is if I also hooked up with her in the same speed and actually like her as a person, which you are not hooking up with her.

All and all, you need to decide whether having sex leveraged against you is something you would like to introduce into your life for the sake of this woman. It won’t end here, she will leverage it for other things eventually.

These other women you are dealing with have sex with you with no strings attached, and they probably like you as well. There are women who you will like, who will also treat you like the other women you. Have, you just have to wait for them. Sex under conditions is a recipe for a dead bed room in the future.

rickyroyal37 · 2022-08-03T15:12:46+00:00

Would you buy a car before test driving it?

BlackjointnerD · 2022-08-03T19:41:52+00:00

Some of these people in here are crazy. No wonder men get taking advantage of so easily. You do not know someone or even have a fair enough assessment to commit to someone after two months of dating.

6-12 months is completely reasonable. After that it becomes extremely hard to hide things about yourself or put up a mirage. People pretend rather consciously or unconsciously and you cant just assume yal right for each other after a few nice feelings. Youl get burned and might miss out someone who is better.

As far as waiting for sex. She has that right to wait if she wants and you have the right to bounce if you want. Seems like shes trying to be down for you but dont have the waiting having you think she's special or something. More than likely shes fucked on first nights, after one or two dates and without exclusively. But she likes you so so so so much you have to wait? Yeah ok. Its obvious your irresistible to her right....She wont even give you a direct answer why to work with. You could commit to her and then all of sudden she spoon feeds you boring vanilla sex and stops doing all that other stuff. Shit someone else could be blowing her back out right now and you wont even know.

Its all up to you bro. You have abundance, you decide as a man what you want to deal with. Not really up to us. Just make sure your in tune with the reality of the situation and what you want personally. In my opinion, do not commit and drop other girls for one you havent had sex with. Thats a bare minimum.

flash13131313 · 2022-08-03T00:11:29+00:00

We have been seeing one another for about two months now and everything has been great. I am not spending a lot of money or anything, and she cooks and cleans for me. We have similar values and I like her a lot.

This all sounds good, pull the trigger and ask her for a relationship, don’t completely drop the other 2 girls yet though. See if the main girls behavior stays consistent now in a relationship and that you yourself are sure that you want to date her for her and weren’t just caught up in chasing what you couldn’t have.

rickmackdaddy · 2022-08-03T01:43:58+00:00

Go bang the hell out of your side pieces for a couple days, get them out of your system, and then give this one an exclusive relationship. If you feel like going back to your side pieces, go ahead. If you didn’t, then stay exclusive with her.

Sometimes you want to trade in your nickels for a dollar bill.

python834 · 2022-08-02T23:36:54+00:00

Lol.

If she doesnt fuck on the first night, there is no genuine attraction between you two.

Women have and will fuck men on the first night if you are the right kind of guy. Anything else is bullshit.

daemonxmachine · 2022-08-02T23:35:37+00:00

Make her your exclusive girlfriend and if after w month you don't like it you can just go back to your side chicks and break up with her.

What always boggles my mind is that you and ai both know she didn't make everyone else wait for a committed relationship. But, she's doing it now to virtue signal. She doesn't want you to think she's easy, although it's likely she was with others.

One thing that bothered me about my ex is she gave her last boyfriend threesomes. But, wouldn't give me one. Wtf? Yeah, she shouldn't have even told me about it because now all I could think was that she was holding out on me to virtue signal even after telling me her past. These are just female mind games.

DerekMorganBAU · 2022-08-02T23:28:48+00:00

How long does she plan on making you wait?

And since you’re not official it’s good. Just fuck other bitches on the side while you date her to get your needs met in the mean time it ain’t a big deal

Obviously don’t tell her but it should be understood since you two aren’t official that it’s just the way it is

Icky138 · 2022-08-03T03:16:15+00:00

I suppose it depends on what is important to you. Sexual Chemistry is important to me and i would rather know if it was there before it’s too late, and i’m in a sexless unfulfilling relationship.

ohdiddly · 2022-08-03T04:48:30+00:00

No xD I would never want to commit to a relationship without knowing what the sex is like.

BUT that's just me, if sex isn't as important to you then it unusual to wait until a relationship is established. If sex is really important to you I wouldn't recommend waiting.

WaffleBurner96 · 2022-08-03T10:32:54+00:00

Would you wait to have sex until a relationship has formed?

That was not my strategy in the past. I slept with whomever I wanted, and if we liked each other for more than sex, we’d form a relationship. For me, sexual compatibility is really important, so it was also helpful to figure that out immediately with each new prospect. It worked out well for me. But I understand not every person is like that.

From a man’s perspective, idk if waiting for relationship for sex is always the best idea. A woman who doesn’t want to sleep with you may not be that into you physically, or might have a low sex drive, both of which can come back to bite you in the ass later, for obvious reasons. So if n count isn’t super important to you, and you’re not super concerned about “easiness,” I’d say don’t agree to exclusivity with women who make you wait.

Does she know you’re sleeping with other people, and is she okay with that? Have you had any discussions about exclusivity? Are there other reasons why you won’t commit and call this situationship a relationship?

2022-08-03T13:04:13+00:00

Give me your problems for a day amigo.

OkLeading4918 · 2022-08-02T23:27:52+00:00

If you keep waiting, your girlfriend s…t will leave you and fuck another dude. Maybe she’s already doing it. We’re not in the old good times, when the honor of a woman was sacred, and she would submit to sex only with her husband.

yayayubsea · 2022-08-03T01:15:26+00:00

Ask her for a direct answer. Don’t be with anyone who can’t explain their actions in a mature conversation

Ohyarlysmiles · 2022-08-03T02:03:51+00:00

Never

Dumbest shit you can do.

jackedsoon · 2022-08-03T02:44:06+00:00

I wouldnt. But u do you

Cheesypunlord · 2022-08-03T07:11:12+00:00

Using sex as a bargaining chip for a relationship like this never ends well

SteveSan82 · 2022-08-03T10:26:48+00:00

Never wait. I assure you if she actually liked you, she would have slept with you on the first date.

She is treating you as just another girlfriend.

Fun_Push7168 · 2022-08-03T02:24:14+00:00

Ok so first, what makes this not a relationship? And what would define it as such in her and your eyes?

Second, I know of three reasons I can think of off the top of my head I've ever seen this kind of behavior in a relationship.

Sexual abuse/rape victim
FDS type shit
She's using you in some form

AutoModerator · 2022-08-02T23:20:56+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

IcarusKiki · 2022-08-03T03:58:40+00:00

Have sex whenever you feel like having sex? Who cares what others think.

2022-08-03T05:18:49+00:00

It really depends on how invested I am in the other person.

In any case, a relationship is a contract that can be broken. You can enter a relationship, have sex, break up afterwards.

JustNefariousness625 · 2022-08-03T08:34:35+00:00

I would wait until marriage.

NeighborhoodVeteran · 2022-08-03T11:15:47+00:00

So is this only about sex with her or do you actually want to be with her for the reasons you stated? Maybe you should ask he if she wants to be your girlfriend?

Caranthir83 · 2022-08-03T15:42:29+00:00

I would but my dick says otherwise

S3542U · 2022-08-03T16:32:08+00:00

Define "relationship".

Define what relationship you want with her, what she wants with you, what you both want for the relationship to work and, finally, what is missing in the relationship that prevents her from having sex.

Add the missing component and then you can have pussy.

That's how I see it. For me, communication is key, but we know the world is so fucked up for this to be this simple.

7-11-21-Luck · 2022-08-03T21:44:05+00:00

Might work for a lot of people but not for me

redback-spider · 2022-08-03T22:23:16+00:00

hmm you know that you are probably more experienced than 90% of the people in this forum including me, having 3 girls at the same time is probably a 1-5% outliar.

So take every suggestion with a shovel of salt (not a grain).

What would it mean for you to call it a relationship and what is happening today, if she cooks for you and cleans for you but is not living with you I assume right? Isn't that strange?

Would you become exclusive if it's a relationship or move together, or just say this words? So what are the costs / risks in your situation saying that? More anger if it breaks?

I would say be careful, having a oneities can be very dangerous.

Btw that you not spend lot's of money is not so important, she A could see your potential or your money and play the long game and B women get of course other things from guys, protection, entertainment, stability, a shoulder, attention etc.

So let's put it that way, she is at least a bit egoistic and not considering of you when she not sleeps with you. Sure she cooks and cleans.

My first thought and I come back to that, is ask if something happend to her SA or R*** I would probably not give her the title before it happens, she has to deserve it, now the kicking out hard to say, I mean out is relativ she does not live with you right.

I think maybe if you ask her this question very pointed about SA she talks instead of just have a very open ended question.

But yes first sex then whatever it means to you to call it relationship to keep the power dynamic right.

DaSemicolon · 2022-08-03T23:21:57+00:00

Just talk to her. There are so many BS reasons people don’t communicate. Just do it

Swapsta · 2022-08-04T01:39:13+00:00

Do the ammoral option

neetykeeno · 2022-08-04T04:00:34+00:00

I don't havesex unless I am satisfied with the basis of the relationship. That's not to say I have only had sex in a relationship where the agreed basis was exclusivity. My second relationship started as agreed on as FWB because I thought that made the most sense as we were both fresh out of our first serious long term relationships and had a lot of emotional work to do... better we have it easy if we need to disengage, better we don't feel trapped, better we take a break from seriousness. The guy would have preferred exclusivity but was ok with FWB. Neither of us ended up going for anyone else though and we eventually, after about five years, agreed on exclusivity.

So yeah I am not having sex unless the relationship has been discussed and is what I think is appropriate. Either we are on the same page and that page is written with something I want, or it isn't happening. If he wants only FWB and I don't...then it isn't happening.

The things I want are reasonable, take into account first my needs and then other people's needs, and are well thought through. And I am articulate enough to discuss what I want and why I want it.

It is insane to expect a relationship of any sort, including FWB, to go well if it is really not wanted in that form by one of the participants. If she only wants sex in an exclusive relationship then she has her reasons. You need to make your mind up and tell her where you stand and be aware you may lose her totally. And that's ok losing her totally if you can't make her happy. I mean you like her, right? And want her happy? Let her go find her happiness.

TheRedPillBeta · 2022-08-04T17:23:23+00:00

If she were religious, I'd say maybe there's something legitimate to it. Although a lot of people use religion as an excuse.

Not being religious, this doesn't make much sense.

Maybe - and to quote the Office Space Bobs THIS IS A HYPOTHETICAL - there's some kind of sexual trauma that caused her to feel this way. If so, maybe there's justification.

Otherwise, I'd guess she's just not that into you.

I remember one woman I dated a long time ago. She said the same kind of thing. She wanted to wait 6 months at least before having sex because I guess she got tired of guys using her for sex. After a month, we were making out and she practically tore her clothes off. She couldn't make it. Find yourself a girl who wants you like that (barring the kinds of strange scenarios like I mentioned).

SwaySh0t · 2022-08-04T17:51:14+00:00

This sub is hella weird lol I’ve never wifed anybody I wasn’t fucking, it’s a prerequisite. U do all that waiting to find out the cookie was wack then what? Break up?

2022-08-05T17:55:30+00:00

Ghost

Scarypaperplates · 2022-08-05T21:02:57+00:00

Im waiting until after marriage, imo its the only safe bet.

lemoncurdmacaron · 2022-08-05T21:51:54+00:00

What’s wrong with you?

Asianarcher · 2022-08-07T04:27:44+00:00

I’ll answer it man on man cause I agree with her on this. Because she views sex as an important thing to be reserved for serious relationships. Men don’t like women with high body counts so why should she rack one up just so you can feel satisfied

Title	Would you wait to have sex until a relationship is formed?
Author	thrilloftheporo
Upvotes	34
Comments	467
Date	August 2, 2022 11:20 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/weqde7/would_you_wait_to_have_sex_until_a_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-you-wait-to-have-sex-until-a-relationship-is.1126484 https://theredarchive.com/post/1126484

Comments