Why are most divorces initiated by women?

toasterchild · 2022-10-09T01:03:45+00:00

I know at least 3 men who left their wives and just never filed. The women filed... one was 6 years later, he even had a baby with another woman already. I think maybe men not being big on paperwork plays a huge roll here.

WilliamWyattD · 2022-10-09T01:26:57+00:00

Men can dislike a woman, and the situation, and still have sex with her. Even mediocre sex. Still got laid.

Once a woman starts to see a guy the wrong way, the idea of him touching her can become repugnant.

mandoa_sky · 2022-10-09T06:49:17+00:00

well if by initiate - they mean file the paperwork.

so kinda obvious when you put it that way.

CimZim · 2022-10-09T00:47:19+00:00

I've always wondered what the term "initiated" actually means and how it's determined. If it's based on the sex of the person handing in the divorce paperwork, then of course women "initiate" far more frequently. In a household, the majority of daily chores are performed by the woman, including things like picking up dry cleaning...scheduling appointments...grabbing the kids...buying the groceries...and handing in government documents.

Bekiala · 2022-10-09T02:05:42+00:00

I think women file for divorce more but I don't know if that means that they initiated the divorce.

Personally, I see the one who leaves the relationship as the one who initiates the divorce but this person may not file.

If a one spouse files for divorce but the other spouse has moved in with someone else, it would seem the one that moved out initiated the divorce. The one that filed for divorce just did the paperwork.

Barneysparky · 2022-10-09T00:18:22+00:00

Somehow the manosphere has confused filing the paperwork to initiate the divorce.

40% of divorced men marry within the first year of divorce. Doesn't moving in with your sidepiece constitute initiation?

iamindipshit · 2022-10-09T05:22:37+00:00

In order to add to what others already said, I just want to remind you that Chris Watt literally killed his entire family rather than filing a divorce.

MyLastBestChance · 2022-10-09T00:33:41+00:00

Men can leave their wives and children, empty the bank accounts, provide zero support, and continue to run up marital debt until their wives actually file for divorce.

Men, unless they want to immediately remarry, have zero motivation to file for divorce when they can just do whatever and whoever they want while still legally married.

Men who cheat, generally don’t want to actually get caught and lose their comfortable family life.

Men who are abusive don’t want to lose their families, they want to be forgiven and do it all over again.

Men who don’t contribute equally to the relationship have no motivation to change the status quo since they are benefiting from it.

Men, in general (yes, there are exceptions) benefit from having their lives curated by their wives and don’t want to lose that.

Men want to consider the wealth (however modest) accumulated in a marriage as all his as opposed to the combined efforts of a partnership (this seems to hold true even when both parties are working and the woman is the higher earner🤣).

peppapigoink95 · 2022-10-09T02:36:12+00:00

Guys just put up with way more than women do in general. They act like it's noble and admirable, but it's just a waste of life.

Men invested more into the engagement. They had to shell out money for a ring, face rejection, and shoulder the burden of being the main bread winner. It's hard to walk away from something you've invested a lot in.

Women's complaints tend to be about chronic habits the man has, like messiness, gaming, porn use, sexual incompatibilities, lack of effort with parenting, lack of ambition, not being romantic anymore after marriage, and general leftovers from male boomer mentalities of a bygone era. Men's complaints about women tend to be "she complains too much." Stereotypical, sure. But those come from somewhere.

Men benefit from marriage in that they get a womb who will clean. Women benefit from marriage in that they get financial support. But after the sexual revolutions of the sixties, women no longer need the financial support - though it's nice and it helps when caring for kids. It's easier to get a sperm donor as a woman, than it is to get a surrogate mother as a man. Being a single mom is also way easier than being a single man. There's more support and sympathy, and less people at the park accusing you of being a pedo when you're just picking up your kid.

Women no longer need marriage in order to have kids, maintain custody of their kids, or have financial security.

Men still need women in order to have kids, maintain custody of their kids, have free childcare, have a free housemaid, and a higher chance of getting laid than a single man has.

In summary, men lose more in divorce. Women who are initiating divorce still get to keep their kids, and get a bunch of money out of it.

The only way to keep your wife around is to make sure you're worth sticking with. Some guys just fail to do this, at least, in the eyes of their wives. Why else would the wives leave?

I think a better question would be to look at the average BMI, gamer habits, porn use, general tidiness, and attitude of a divorced man. Then, look at the woman who divorced him. What are her priorities? Did he meet them? Probably not.

I'm sure there are other factors. I'm just going off the easy low hanging fruit ones. Most divorces mention money as an issue, along with infidelity, and even porn use. Lots of guys discount the last one. Their wives who divorced them clearly did not though.

redbluepie · 2022-10-09T00:52:22+00:00

Infidelity and domestic violence are commonly cited as reasons for divorce. Various sources show that men are proportionally most likely to be the perpertrator in those circumstances. example. Would make sense then that women would most likely file be the ones to file.

If women are the perpetrators for those reasons or others, men I suspect would be more likely to grin and bear it, or adopt the stance that'd be cheaper to keep her.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-10-09T02:53:46+00:00

Here you go:

https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/xdam0i/hes_so_lazy_he_asks_for_divorce_but_wants_me_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

InfamousBake1859 · 2022-10-09T03:37:35+00:00

Dude, it’s just about who does the paperwork. It means nothing regarding who caused/want the divorce.

Stop_Maximum · 2022-10-09T08:52:11+00:00

I think some people need to realise that some marriages are already going bad before someone fills for divorce. It’s mostly initiated by women, but there’s more that’s going on before that happen. Some people don’t mind living in misery and just walk out of the marriage, while some prefer to cut ties.

2022-10-09T11:48:47+00:00

I don’t think there’s one clear cut explanation for it, every woman will be different. I think men are probably more tolerant and more likely to “settle” and woman are more likely to get out when it’s too much for them. Someone already said what I was thinking, men leave their wives but just don’t file for divorce, almost like they’re leaving the relationship open as a just in case.

urukshai3 · 2022-10-09T16:01:35+00:00

Divorce laws were designed to help women without husband support.

Equality in labor came, but those laws stayed the same.

Therefore, Divorce is a net benefit for women and her children, while the man still pays and has to leave his house, even when we are supposedly equal.

lovestocomment · 2022-10-09T17:03:58+00:00

Because no fault divorce is a thing and there is little to no consequences to ending a marriage for women. In some situations there are benefits to ending the marriage.

Eventually, the marriage rate is going to plummet. Men are realizing that there are more cons vs pros when it comes to marriage.

I'm curious as to which states have the most marriagesnand the most divorces.

bunnakay · 2022-10-09T00:16:43+00:00

I think most women have a lower tolerance for bullshit and don't see the need to stay married if they aren't actually benefitting from it.

That, or men are just that shitty lol

2022-10-09T03:37:40+00:00

Men keep responsibility above if its feeling good women keep if it's feeling good above the responsibility.

abaxeron · 2022-10-09T08:20:18+00:00

Conclusion: NONE of the people who said "women just file for divorce more", OR of women who upvoted them, got arsed to follow the link.

We're reaching the levels of DGAF that should not have been possible.

jojo0507 · 2022-10-09T15:04:21+00:00

This.. I filled for divorce. My husband who was having an affair and had already moved no from our relationship. Refused to file for the divorce he wanted. Heck he wouldn't even respond to any thing my last doesn't.

asdf333aza · 2022-10-09T15:42:39+00:00

The government tells women that they can leave their man and still keep all the benefits that man supplies. So women have a safety net in the form of the court system taking their side and providing them with alimony, spousal support, child support, half his retirement, half his assets and etc.

So women feel empowered and even encouraged to leave marriage cause if they do, they risk next to nothing cause the government will force the man to keep paying providing for her.

Men have no such safety net. When men leave a marriage all they have is what they provide for themselves. They lose half of their stuff usually. Men don't have any encouragement to divorce besides getting rid of a nagging wife and most cases it ends up being cheaper to keep her.

If the government FORCED women to keep sleeping with their ex husband's while that ex husband got to go out and continue sleeping with other women, then you would see Men dropping out of marriages the way women do. Men would have their ex wife's as back up sex while they pursued new sex from a different women. That would motivate a lot of men to leave their marriage. That's basically what you have with the government FORCING men to pay their ex wives while those same ex wives are able to pursue new men for relationships with the safety of their ex husband being forced to continue paying for her upkeep.

Government encourages women to leave marriages with little to no consequences. Men don't have such luxuries.

2022-10-09T16:00:10+00:00

Same reason women go to the doctor more. Guys put stuff off. Men also seem to tolerate more bullshit and also seem to think things are fine long after women have been unhappy (and bitching about it) for years. (Men don’t listen).

Also lesbian divorces? Bitter bitter. Hell thath no fury like 2 women scorned.

Extra_Flamingo_4774 · 2022-10-09T17:11:24+00:00

I think men are okay with moving on to the next big thing that they desire while women desire for a sense of closure. Filing for divorce is to achieve that closure in a relationship.

Master-Edward-3 · 2022-10-09T17:58:53+00:00

Why? More mentally geared to see imperfections within the marriage.

More likely to think it’s their way or the highway 🛣 in attitude. It’s why “nagging wife” is a thing or stereotype. In the film bad boys one of them..Will Smith says to Martin Lawrence while both are in character that he is like a “nagging wife” which means to complain excessively over trivial issues.

Women are more likely to be first to dry up the sex in a marriage and tempt their husbands to seek it elsewhere and risk wrecking the home. Because of course the wife doesn’t want the hubby to lay around even if she had no interest in rolling in the hay with her hubby in several yrs.

Other close friends, family members, colleagues and counselors are more likely to sympathize with a woman’s perspective and encourage her to leave her husband. It’s said most of all counselors side with the wife.

Women in relationships in general and not just marriage are likely to find more dissatisfaction with their relationships even friendships. Being more keen to seek out and amplify flaws sometimes even with other women. This coupled with the fact women have vast more options than men which is how they are able to have men in the back pocket so to speak when they feel things are not working out to their satisfaction. Leading me to my final point.

Women have more options to fall back on and just like in earlier stages of the relationship like bf and gf they feel that another man can probably come along somewhere since men always got to initiate. Just like Beyoncé’s song irreplaceable most women view men as disposable tools to fix things or work horses you put down when old and tired or ATMs with legs. Yet it’s only the men apparently that objectify the women.

Boba__Fatt · 2022-10-09T19:19:36+00:00

The PPD answer: because it’s men’s fault of course

shydude92 · 2022-10-10T00:28:53+00:00

Well, let's see. Imagine you're trapped in an unhappy marriage and secretly you want to get out. However, you know that if you do, anywhere from one-third to one-half of your net worth will be transferred to your spouse, and you will end up with much less than before. You most likely paid for the house and worked hard to buy and perhaps even own it, but suddenly you will be forced out of your own property, because "it's best the kids stay in their own home." Speaking of whom, no matter how crazy your ex is, or how incompetent, unless she's actually psychotic or dangerous, the court will assign chief custody to her. Officially, you may be given "joint custody" but that custody is one-sided and largely meaningless when essentially you spend weekends (sometimes every other weekend) or even only the summer months with your kids, while your partner gets to raise them otherwise. But even though you rarely see them, forget about not paying child support payments, which can easily exceed 50% of your salary, on penalty of wage levys or criminal prosecution and jail time if you fail to pay up, even if you lose your job and can no longer afford to pay them at the same level. Of course that's on top of alimonies to your ex so she can maintain her previous lifestyle as well.

On the other hand, she gets to keep the house, the kids, and usually doesn't have to pay you a cent, even if she's the reason for the marriage ending, because hey, it's a no-fault divorce and in the 21st century we're above such silly practices as assigning moral blame over relationship problems. With that in mind, is it any surprise that between the two of you, if you as a man are dissatisfied with the marriage, you'll do whatever you can to make the marriage work, while your wife might just walk out the moment she gets annoyed?

januaryphilosopher · 2022-10-09T08:34:47+00:00

Because "initiated" just means you did the paperwork. Admin tasks are more likely to be a woman's job at home, and higher educationakes you more confident in your ability to arry out this task so you're more likely to do it.

63daddy · 2022-10-09T00:27:49+00:00

People act on incentive. Women typically get child custody and 95% of alimony is paid by men to women. Women typically get the house and 50% of their husband’s wealth.

If those were reversed, I guarantee we wouldn’t see most divorces filed by women.

Hoopy223 · 2022-10-09T01:14:25+00:00

Three reasons imho:

1) Divorce laws are tilted in the wife’s favor - custody, child support etc - there is no debating this point.

2) Men have a harder time being “single” than women do and take longer to re-enter the dating market (iirc its 3months for women and about a year for men). So on average they hang on tighter than women do.

3) Men put up with more bullshit. Guys act like a bad marriage is their cross to bear sort of thing. I’ve met women who have the same attitude but men seem to think its a manly virtue or something.

sniffthisplease · 2022-10-09T01:36:54+00:00

Now that women can work and fully financially support themselves independently from a man, the level of shit she will put up with goes WAYYYY down thankfully.

Average males are underwhelming so I don’t blame average women from dipping

Rancho-unicorno · 2022-10-09T00:21:45+00:00

Could it be that they take 50% of the assets and get the kids?

2022-10-09T03:35:57+00:00

69 nice

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-10-09T08:04:58+00:00

The number one cause of divorce is abuse/violence. Infidelity is also a top cause.

Wqtr100 · 2022-10-09T16:48:49+00:00

Because of money. Marriage is a terrible contract for men and a winning lottery ticket for women.

GloryToChadlantis · 2022-10-09T05:41:50+00:00

Allot of the time women get tired of the men. when men get hitched allot of the time they become sloppy with the handling of their wife, fail to excite her, make her bored.

then they look for something exciting. example, no woman goes out looking for dick. but if some guy finds a bored woman and plays to her fantasies and emotions its alot easier to get her to cheat or leave than if she was happy.

The9thElement · 2022-10-09T11:37:47+00:00

Men benefit from marriage, women don’t, there is less of an incentive for a woman to stay on a shitty marriage than for a mab

lilac2481 · 2022-10-09T12:42:02+00:00

Because they get tired of not being listened to, appreciated, tired of doing everything around the house etc...

srqfla · 2022-10-09T06:33:19+00:00

A marriage is the only contract one party can change because their feelings have changed. And they can walk away with cash and prizes.

Try signing a 60-month BMW lease contract and decide to stop making payments because you don't feel like it.

melody_of_ · 2022-10-09T05:02:00+00:00

Women have less to lose.

Men have much shittier deal being single.

Men The burden of having to to through the heavy lifting and male competition of dating/courtship process

Vs

Women The garunteed abundance of romantic options after a divorce through dating apps social groups or just social gender roles in dating.

Its really not hard to see why men lower their standards for women's personalities or even staying with women they sort of like and are dating when the alternative is being burdened with ever increasing standards to fight towards before your even considered then having to filter through the entitlement flakeyness and indifference to their own quality that comes with dating women. And I cant blame them for that men enable it.

One of the best parts of being with a woman is no longer having to court/date women.

dbz19_kai · 2022-10-09T00:58:35+00:00

Because divorces are inherently biased towards them, and feminists and simps think divorce rape is a good thing.

Aromatic_Shop9033 · 2022-10-09T03:32:17+00:00

Probably because many women don't know what they want, aren't loyal, and get financial rewards for breaking their vows.

But it's men's fault, always. Of course it is...

DrBoby · 2022-10-09T04:51:21+00:00

Women want money and kids.

They can get it with being married, then they divorce to cancel their obligations and still keep both money and kids.

Non-marital breakups usually involve less money and less kids. Sometimes it does, but some men doing the opposite counterbalance the women doing that: men want sex, they get it with a LTR promising women money and kids, then they breakup and cancel their obligations. That's why non-marital is more balanced.

_demidevil_ · 2022-10-09T09:25:57+00:00

A lot of men (not all) treat women pretty badly. DV os more likely to be perpetrated by men so the woman have to divorce them. Be interesting to know the stats on affairs too. Sadly traditional gender roles have resulted in a lot of men who take advantage of women expecting them to do homemaking and never help. Women just get fed up with it.

one_little_victory_ · 2022-10-09T09:55:57+00:00

Because so many men make poor marriage partners.

Liberated_Asexual · 2022-10-09T05:42:03+00:00

It's hilarious how women here will engineer and fabricate generated scenarios as to why this phenomenon exists (just look throughout this thread). The very simple answer is men have much more to lose in divorce than women, and women even potentially stand to have a lot to gain in a divorce.

okaythatcool · 2022-10-09T03:49:29+00:00

The last 3 divorced men I went on dates with had all filed themselves

ThrowawayYAYAY2002 · 2022-10-09T10:05:42+00:00

£$¥€

AndyBrown65 · 2022-10-09T10:13:25+00:00

The courts in Australia are quite misandrist. Instead of a fair 50/50 split of assets acquired during marriage the bias is 60/40 towards women and is worse with more kids.

When you realize the investment can be called in and set yourself up for life, why not file?

2022-10-09T10:37:56+00:00

Because hoes

Saitama1993 · 2022-10-09T12:48:24+00:00

I think it has to do with the financial burden that men have to carry after a divorce. If you are the most impacted party after ending a legal contract, you are less keen of doing so.

purplish_possum · 2022-10-09T19:32:29+00:00

Men, especially college educated men, take vows more seriously.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-10-09T02:06:51+00:00

$$$ obviously.

TryLambda · 2022-10-09T01:44:12+00:00

Hypergamy is the main reason, modern women are never satisfied and will drop a decent hard working man, for another man with a bigger penis, speedboat or higher paying job in less than 10 seconds

deznue · 2022-10-09T00:27:44+00:00

Because they’re opportunistic vampires and the moment there’s no money they run away 😆

alphasupremacy5555 · 2022-10-09T00:30:45+00:00

There's different reasons why most divorces are initiated by women. 1.Female arrogance. So many tons of women get to a point where they convince themselves that they can do better than their husband but after the divorce they end up having the same difficulties that young men have in the sexual marketplace. 2. Money.The husband lost his job or is going through hard financial times and she abandons him because she always wants him to make more money than her so that she can spend his money and not hers. 3. Infidelity. He discovered that she's been been unfaithful to him and she becomes aware that he knows and files for divorce or she discovers he's been unfaithful to her and she files for divorce.

shadowofdoubt13 · 2022-10-09T05:34:36+00:00

Because women are smart and men are not

BehaviouralSc1ence · 2022-10-09T13:07:22+00:00

Because it’s emotional Labour, women tend to take of that in a relationship.

AutoModerator · 2022-10-08T23:36:00+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

jonniethm · 2022-10-09T17:33:03+00:00

well I can speak for myself. My husband wouldn't have left me. why would he. I paid for everything, managed everything, broke my back and he was out here fucking other women. what a perfect setup for him! until I said fuck you after 16 years. first affair I found out about was 6 years prior. I tried to stick it out for quite awhile.

Indubious1 · 2022-10-09T18:15:57+00:00

Because men spend too much time trying to figure out who initiates more divorces instead of spending time on themselves and their families.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-10-09T18:28:20+00:00

Mainly because men don’t want to file the paperwork tbh.

2022-10-09T18:42:54+00:00

men don't do chores like filing paperwork when they can have their free slave do it for them.

hhhhhhikkmvjjhj · 2022-10-09T03:51:25+00:00

Women end up doing most of the housework even in dysfunctional families. It can also be economic, you might loose a lot of property in a divorce. Better to cheat I guess? It’s also a well known thing that men don’t have many friends so if you divorce you end up very lonely and possibly suicidal. Plus you might have kids and want them to have parents living together (values).

Willow-girl · 2022-10-09T13:13:07+00:00

When men are through with a relationship, they'll usually keep the woman around anyway for the side benefits like child care and domestic labor.

When women are through, they're through. Men seldom bring anything to the table that makes them worth keeping around if you don't actually like them.

AutoModerator · 2022-10-09T12:39:02+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

theotricks · 2022-10-09T16:59:14+00:00

Because men are replaceable. Women aren’t

Fun_Push7168 · 2022-10-09T17:13:46+00:00

Simple, it is easiest for them to get a replacement and the idea of new romance is exciting. Why is it higher with education, again simple, they are not dependant financially.

Mariocell5 · 2022-10-09T21:58:22+00:00

Recent Harvard study shows #1 precursor to divorce is husband losing job / business

EugeneCezanne · 2022-10-09T22:10:41+00:00

why do lesbian couples have the highest divorce rate while gay male couples have a far lower divorce rate? To me, this indicates that women are just extremely picky and want things done their way, while men can be satisfied with very little. Most guys are perfectly content with a tv, a couch, a sandwich, and sex a couple times a week. With women, it's... uh.... complicated.

A other way of framing this conclusion is that women have different standards and are willing to act on it. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, just like men arent wrong for having lower ones. To me, the tv couch and sandwich guy doesnt sound very appealing either.

There are other hypotheses. One is that men's standards may lower once they get married; having accomplished their goal they stop trying. One thing couples' therapists always say is that you have to keep earning your partner, not take the partnership for granted.

Another may be that men arent any happier than their wives, but less likely to do anything about it, perhaps for financial or psychological reasons.

One thing this sub often notes is that men have a harder time getting female interest than women do from men. Men also tend to have fewer friends and fewer close friends. So the prospect of being alone may be more daunting for married men than married women.

To those just saying it's just because men are shitty (and apparently women are angels),

It's very strange how some of you guys keep making this connection. "Men are shitty" and "women are angels" are entirely independent propositions.

YveisGrey · 2022-10-09T22:13:48+00:00

69% is what? 20% more than what should be expected (assuming 50/50) in that case I think it comes down to paper work. People here state this stat like it’s astronomically out of proportion but 20% isn’t that big of a percentage and since husbands do less administrative tasks in a marriage on average it would make sense they don’t file as often as women men also cheat more so that could also explain the disparity.

As for lesbians vs gays who knows? Maybe lesbians marry a lot more than gays? Maybe gay men split up without filing. That’s something that would be specific to them. I don’t think we can glean that much about straight men and women from gays, they have totally different relationship dynamics

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2022-10-09T23:14:21+00:00

To those just saying it's just because men are shitty (and apparently women are angels), why do lesbian couples have the highest divorce rate while gay male couples have a far lower divorce rate? To me, this indicates that women are just extremely picky and want things done their way, while men can be satisfied with very little. Most guys are perfectly content with a tv, a couch, a sandwich, and sex a couple times a week. With women, it's... uh.... complicated.

Couldn't have said it better my self. Think about it "happy wife, happy life".

Title	Why are most divorces initiated by women?
Author	Ok-Limes-5094
Upvotes	96
Comments	462
Date	October 8, 2022 11:35 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xz6wei/why_are_most_divorces_initiated_by_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-are-most-divorces-initiated-by-women.1134553 https://theredarchive.com/post/1134553

Comments