Q4W: Can you get why some men have a problem being initially seen as "relationship material" vs being "for fun"?

Novadina · 2023-10-07T00:31:42+00:00

If I was a man who really liked kinky sex (or some specific sexual thing), then someone not wanting to do that with me would be a turn off for me, irregardless of if she did it before or with other dudes or under certain conditions or whatever. All that would matter was she didn’t want to do it with me, so I would move on in search someone who was more sexually compatible.

I would not enjoy being with someone totally incompatible with me sexually just because she was always incompatible and hadn’t changed what she was into from before I met her. My sexual desires are completely unrelated to what someone has done before, so I can’t relate to having different desires based on what someone did before I met them.

MotherPermit9585 · 2023-10-06T21:17:25+00:00

I wouldn’t go on a date with a man I’m not sexually attracted to.

towerofcheeeeza · 2023-10-06T21:36:23+00:00

Genuinely asking but how many guys are being told they're relationship material without also being considered fun to be around?

If I find a guy relationship material it means they can probably cook and wouldn't be embarassing to introduce to friends and family, but I also definitely want to bang him. Regularly.

demedermidimi · 2023-10-06T21:07:14+00:00

sure. but i don't think women who have animal sex with chad and vanilla sex with non chad are common. and if i wasn't getting what i want sexually from someone i was dating, I'd leave

DreaminInChocolate · 2023-10-06T21:16:09+00:00

It's no different than when men say high n women are for recreational use only. It's fine for both.

MidoriEgg · 2023-10-07T11:33:49+00:00

I can see why this bothers some men. I don’t think the majority of women are like this, I don’t know anyone who has refused to perform sex acts they did previously with a current partner, unless for a health reason, but I’m sure this does happen sometimes.

My advice would be, don’t date someone with this mentality if it brothers you, but I understand that people aren’t always honest about thinking like this.

People will always bring some sort of flaws or issues to a relationship, I guess life is just figuring out which ones are acceptable to you and which aren’t.

RepresentativeMark16 · 2023-10-06T21:18:18+00:00

If this is actually happening, sure I can see how that would hurt someone’s feelings. However trying a specific sex act and then deciding it’s not for you doesn’t mean your arousal levels with a new partner are luke warm.

However I’ve said it once here and I’ll say it again. I don’t do hookups because I’ve tried in the past and now matter how attractive I find a guy I have a hard time enjoying sex until I’ve gotten to know someone. My body can’t relax enough and I don’t feel comfortable lowering my inhibitions with a stranger or a “situationship” But dude who makes me feel safe, loved, and who is crazy about my sexual pleasure? He is getting the wild sex treatment. I’ve done things in my current LTR that I have never considered in other relationships and certainly not with a ONS. Because I know for a fact he’s going to be listening if I ask him to stop, slow down, etc. And I know he’s just as concerned about my enjoyment, as he is his enjoyment. His ego isn’t wrapped up in being my “best” (which he absolutely is) he just wants me to have a great time. When women say they want a man who makes them feel safe it’s not always just a platitude. I’m not trying anal or using handcuffs unless l know for a fact that I’d trust you with my extra set of house keys.

armpitpics · 2023-10-06T21:21:46+00:00

Yes, I understand why some men have a problem with being seen as the relationship guy. I also believe that these men make these many assumptions about what women because they also see women through the madonna/whore lens.

You'd be surprised how many men I've heard saying something along the lines of "she's not the most adventurous/attractive woman I've had, but unlike those other sluts she has values and motherly qualities". Many of these men ended up marrying women much less attractive than the ones they fucked around with and, regardless of these women's looks, these women were the submissive type who would forgive or turn a blind eye on their husbands' infidelity. Nobody, man or woman, wants to be in the position of these wives.

People can have a higher set of standards for relationships than hookups and they should, but this obsession some men have is just a projection of their own madonna/whore complex.

NothingOrAllLife · 2023-10-06T23:04:20+00:00

Someone please tell me where women are swearing off sex acts they actually enjoyed because they are in a relationship.

sweetestpineapple · 2023-10-06T23:26:17+00:00

Kind of, but I think it has less to do with not being attracted to the “relationship material” guys and more about not wanting to fuck it up. I’ve been on the other side of this as a woman, especially when I was younger. I had multiple guys admit to me that I wasn’t fully their type or that they found me attractive enough, but were with me for my personality or because I’m loyal and I take relationships seriously. Guys give me a chance after I make the first move, or occasionally I’ll get user guys who give me a chance because my family is well off. I recognize that this is probably more common for dudes, but the opposite does exist. It can be hurtful for your self esteem to not be seen as sexually attractive even if the love and affection is genuine.

blebbyroo · 2023-10-06T21:03:42+00:00

The only guys who truly care are ones who have never been able to get a hookup themselves. The difference with hookups and relationships and the pace you get sexual is if you like someone for a relationship you don’t want to get hurt of it doesn’t work out and having sex will Likely have made your feelings for him stronger. If you have sex with a hookup there were never any feelings anyway and it doesn’t matter if things don’t progress you aren’t going to get hurt.

Most women aren’t trying crazy sexual acts with hookups either I’m assuming you mean things like anal that stuff doesn’t happen on a hookup . If someone enjoyed a sexual act in the past they will likely do it with you. If they didn’t like it why are you upset that they aren’t doing it with you?

synaps-bro · 2023-10-06T21:48:49+00:00

Why even date women who have had hook ups in the past, if you don't like how a women date then don't date her. I understand the insecurity but it's something that could be overcome by finding a compatible match. It's like a Jewish person getting upset at his Christian gf dating a Christian to me.

Aggravating_Camp_327 · 2023-10-06T23:18:36+00:00

My looks threshold is the same for any sexual encounter. There’s no separate categorization outside of you’re either only fuckable (aka a pathetic man outside of your looks) or relationship material. Idk why anyone would strive for being only fuckable and in counter to your point I’ve tried new things in a variety of sexual encounters and the LT partners always have the most room for creativity

bluehorserunning · 2023-10-07T05:52:47+00:00

Sure. If you want to be a fuckboi and no one is treating you like a fuckboi, I can see where that might be frustrating.

1)When she was young and naive, she didn’t have rules. Then she figured out what she liked and didn’t, and now has rules.

2)when she’s in love with a guy (not in lust) she’ll sometimes do things that she doesn’t enjoy, for him; eventually, she’ll figure out that him asking her to do things that she doesn’t like means that he doesn’t love her.

3)fuckbois are not relationship material. Once a philanderer, always a philanderer. If she’s ok with polyamory, she might keep him in a stable of fuckbois, but if she’s monogamous (or even serially monogamous), she’s either not going to have sex with a fuckboi to start with, or she’s going to do the same as him: basically masturbate with his body, and then throw him away like a a dildo that the dog has chewed up.

4)maybe she tolerated things that she didn’t enjoy before, but she realized that she didn’t enjoy them and that the man who asked for them didn’t give a shit about her as a person, so no, she’s not doing them any more, and furthermore she will lose trust in you for asking for demeaning and/or uncomfortable sexual acts.

5)No, she is not doing those things again. The sole exception would be if she doesn’t trust you, but finds a man that she does trust more.

6)fuckbois are fuckbois. If he had been a nice, stable, relationship guy, I would have been happy to have a relationship; however, he was a fuckboi, and I wouldn’t have entered a relationship even if he had asked, because he was a fuckboi.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-10-06T21:56:24+00:00

I have never in my entire life heard any variation of that paragraph or thoughts come from a womans mouth or pen except MAYBE for the "take it slower" part, like waiting a few dates to have sex. I've never once in my entire life heard of a woman swearing off sex acts with her actual bf that she loves from a woman, in a woman's magazine, in a book by or for women or any place where women talk to women. in 5 decades of life I've only seen men report women say that and only on reddit. as a high n , high sociosexuality woman with a storied past, it is 180 degrees opposite to my experience--I would never have done ANY of the acts I did with LTRs and especially my H with an ONS.

for a man not to be "boyfriend material" when women actually say it around women generally means a man she is ashamed to be seen with socially or introduce to her family, either due to his looks, status, class or poverty. that is why he is "for fun", because she can't be seen with him not because he is for sex and "boyfriend material" is not, in female parlance it is not a compliment to not be boyfriend material. boyfriend material means "i wouldnt be embarrassed to introduce you to my family." women foolishly believe their love and commitment matters to men, lol dupes

mmmmph_on_reddit · 2023-10-06T21:16:21+00:00

This is a non-concern in practical terms, as crazy sexual acts generally are not a feature of heterosexual/straight hook-up culture. Even anal sex is uncommon in straight flings.

operation-spot · 2023-10-06T21:18:58+00:00

It’s just the Madonna-Whore dichotomy. Men do the same thing so I’m not sure why it’s so surprising that women think in a similar way.

It’s not some sort of crazy desire, it’s just that the woman decided she wanted sex that day and went out to get it. In that moment, the only thing that mattered was safety and attractiveness which is a hot guy. That guy may not be someone I’d ever like to spend time with but his only purpose in her life was to provide sex. Women can always find a man to hookup with so it makes sense that after breaking up and no longer having the expectation of monogamy she would go out and have sex.

That doesn’t mean you aren’t hot, it means she wanted just sex in that moment and is now looking for more. Personally, more means a man has to be both attractive and every other quality I want which is a higher standard if you ask me but it seems men believe women suddenly compromise on attraction.

I think it’s very interesting how men make a woman’s previous sexual experience about him rather than understanding that she’s her own person and had a life before him.

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-10-06T21:07:51+00:00

My standards for guys I'd go on dates with and guys I would hook up with are pretty much the same. After the hookup is when he can prove that he is a good long term prospect. My first date with my fiance was supposed to be a non-commital hookup.

Why would I even bother going on a date with a guy I wouldn't sleep with. I am pretty selective with guys I will entertain for dates so why wouldn't they be (what I consider) attractive guys I could be sexual with.

FaradayBurka · 2023-10-06T23:33:43+00:00

"I had sex with some guys on the first night. And yes, I did various sexual acts with them that I now have sworn off, but now that I’m dating this sweet new guy who seems like “relationship material”, I want to take it slow and don’t want to really be doing that crazy sexual stuff anymore.”

Literally no one says this. The closest equivalent is the religious convert who feels ashamed of past fornications and wishes to clean up his or her act for God.

Safinated · 2023-10-06T22:43:58+00:00

Of course we can understand

It doesn’t mean we have to agree, do what men want, or value sex like men do

Bro_with_passport · 2023-10-06T22:44:36+00:00

As a guy who has had my own rotations, the easiest women to hookup with had a tinder bio that read “no hookups”.

hungrychick404 · 2023-10-06T23:05:05+00:00

“You’re cool and attractive enough that I would enjoy being around you long term and having sex with you more than once” Vs “You’re at the right place at the right time and I just happen to be drunk/horny/whatever”.

Worms for brains istg

Icy_Ordinary2025 · 2023-10-06T21:12:55+00:00

And yes, I did various sexual acts with them that I now have sworn off,

What acts are you referring to here?

Let’s break it down in terms how “what women say” vs “what men hear”

No, I can't get behind someone adding meaning or subtext that wasn't there because they are jealous or insecure.

to men, they can often hear that as another way of saying “That guy was hot enough to get sex with ease, but you are not”?

That sounds like a personal problem. Not mine.

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-10-06T22:05:24+00:00

I can’t comprehend why men are so fixated on this AF/BB theory because it’s never been something I’ve observed to happen in real life. As someone who had some casual sex and partied a lot in my 20s, I only ever had sex with and seriously dated the same type of guy.

There were no guys that I dated that I viewed as just relationship material. I had sex very early on (often right away) with the same guys I entered into long-term relationships with. Contrary to popular opinion, I wasn’t getting pumped and dumped. Most guys wanted actual relationships with me.

Ive observed the same thing with most of my friends. The men and women that liked sex and had active sex lives gravitated toward one another. I can’t think of a single example where a friend of mine ended up with a guy she viewed as somehow inferior due to looks or sexual inexperience.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-10-06T21:34:36+00:00

I mean, I can see it's a result of some fucked up "logic" that's really just feelings of being hard done by, but I don't think anyone can argue that being seen as desirable for the long term is worse than being seen as fun only for a wee bit before having to be discarded.

Different-Virus-7474 · 2023-10-06T23:35:28+00:00

Looks, personality, money and women will see you as relationship material. Just looks and you're Chad. Just money and you're a provider or sugar daddy. Personality and you're in the friendzone. You need to be above average in all three for the woman to want a relationship.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2023-10-07T03:38:37+00:00

Does this really happen? I have never done this or heard any woman talk about this.

The only bit that relates is trying something sexual realising you don’t like it and never doing it again

trettles · 2023-10-06T22:18:00+00:00

If "relationship guy" didn't discard women for being "easy" by pumping and dumping, this wouldn't be a problem. You're only shooting yourselves in the foot.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-10-06T23:47:43+00:00

Yeah, I can see why men want to be listed after and climbed like a tree. But conservative men don’t trust or marry uninhibited women, they want those women to pretend to be chaste and pretend pussy is more valuable than platinum.

And some men simply aren’t sexy, period. Doesn’t matter how horny they get when watching porn, doesn’t matter how depraved that porn is. In person, they simply aren’t that physical or sexual. They are uptight, inhibited, and some just have a lower interest in sex or low testosterone.

Those men don’t need to focus on what may or may not happen with sexier, more physical men because they aren’t the same and they can’t compete.

Moon-on-my-mind · 2023-10-07T00:29:51+00:00

Is this serious? How could we not get it, it's how every one of us is treated like at some point in life. I went through this, all my girl friends went through this, when we were young. Lots of guys pretending to be in for the long run when in actuality they just wanted someone to bang for a while. I heard them talk amongst themselves just like this about girls and women whenever eavesdropping. Throughout life, men and women go through very similar experiences, we just deal with it differently.

External_Pomelo939 · 2023-10-07T00:54:38+00:00

Yeah this is pretty much it and is the reason why men should chase sexual validation early and if she’s not giving it she’s not into you. You don’t want the woman who you have to build up with you want one who’s into you right away. I’ve been on both sides.

VoltairesBarista · 2023-10-07T03:25:47+00:00

I can only see it coming from a place of insecurity

Mr_KenSpeckle · 2023-10-07T06:08:03+00:00

I have seen many articles by women saying pretty much what the OP describes. Some of you will say link to it but I didn’t know it was going to be on the test so I’m afraid I didn’t compile a bibliography. If anyone is interested, he or she will have to act as their own reference librarian. But to jumpstart your research, pretty much any article of the “We asked 15 women about their threesomes” variety will have at least one say “I did it when I was young and crazy. Now I’m in a relationship and I would never dream of it.” Are they lying? Maybe, but there is a shit-ton of that out there if you look for it.

What your antenna picks up depends on what frequency you have it tuned to. When women say this sort of thing (maybe not all women), guys notice. Women don’t notice. Women’s antenna is tuned to patriarchy. I’ve never seen it, but apparently that shit is everywhere!

Another reason that guys notice this but women think it’s a non-existent issue is that women, unless they are complete goblins, have sex available on tap to them 23/7/365. To them it’s like what’s the big deal? It’s just sex. What a lot of guys don’t realize is that while most women have sex available to them 24/7/365, it’s not necessarily the kind of sex they want to be having. Still, it’s there. When they turn it down, at least they have a choice. They can’t really empathize the heavy stone most men have to carry every single day just to try to get a basic human need met.

The OP is not wrong about the fact that it happens. The problem with the post is that it is a pointless pity play. There is no reason to appeal to the sympathies of women because they won’t fuck you the way you wish they would fuck you. They are attracted to who they are attracted to because the attraction cues are hard-wired into them, if RP theory is correct on this point, which I think it is. Whining and pleading for pity won’t change that. The sexual market place is amoral. The only thing that (maybe) will help you is to understand it, to deal with the world as it really is, and to improve yourself as best you can according to what the marketplace actually values, as demonstrated by women’s actions not their words.

ChadCel73 · 2023-10-07T11:09:36+00:00

I think both genders do this. For me it's usually women who you can't take seriously who are not relationship material. They're flaky, volatile and don't take themselves or life seriously too.

RogerNigel92 · 2023-10-07T13:07:19+00:00

As a man I get how this sucks.

But it’s the same as the ‘Madonna / Who’re’ complex we as men have.

I dated plenty of women in my 20s that were ‘fun’ but no way in hell were they marriage material.

I’d never go back to them. Having met my soulmate, I see that time for what it was: empty pleasure and the meeting of two people who weren’t ready for commitment putting of the inevitable

sweetbrown89 · 2023-10-07T14:32:21+00:00

Men will literally not want to date women who have casual sex and want to marry the women who have low N counts

It’s literally “If I have sex with you quickly, I don’t see you as relationship material. But if I take it slow with you, I will consider you for a relationship” — FOR BOTH MEN AND WOMEN

Why are you expecting the converse to be different?

If men really think “she should give me sex early if she wants me around” why do men not want to keep women around who have sex with them early?

Women will have sex with men quickly for 2 reasons — either they want to entice him into committing OR we have determined that he has nothing to offer of substance besides an attractive appearance

Men overestimate the amount of the first one and underestimate the amount of the second one

Personally, if I decide to have sex with a guy soon…he’s just a notch on the bedpost

Men value sex more than relationships, so it doesn’t really matter if we think he’s a low value man with nice packaging…as long as they get sex

nicoleberry16 · 2023-10-07T16:23:50+00:00

Someone who I'm physically attracted to automatically falls into the category of relationship material for me. I honestly don't know what you're trying to explain OP?

MacaronFinancial · 2023-10-07T17:29:26+00:00

I remember being only in my late 20's (I'm late 30's now) and talking to a woman in a karaoke bar. We sang a bit and I politely asked if she would like to continue talking in day time. She said that she's not in the mood for a relationship.

I sometimes return to that moment and wonder what would have happened if I had said "Who said anything about a relationship?" but it feels like she automatically put me in that category of 'guys who need to work for the sex'. People did not know about chads and incels yet (under that name) as it was still early'ish 2010's. I imagine she would have cringed but as you age and see these scenarios often enough you learn to enjoy people's repulsed reactions when it's all you can have.

basedmama21 · 2023-10-07T19:41:35+00:00

Women who say that are certifiably “unhinged”

They spin their wheel putting out for men they don’t really want to date and then think withholding sex from men they ACTUALLY want will get them the results they want

It’s an internal problem that women need to work on but can’t be bothered to deal with 🙃

Schwappe · 2023-10-08T22:57:25+00:00

I feel like I know what you’re talking about.

“I don’t want you to see me that way” type of thing. It’s like the Mada/Whor thing but reversed. They put limits on themselves cause they don’t want those “dirty” acts to pollute their “clean” relationship. It’s weird and unfortunate for everyone involved. One party feels inadequate and one party feels judged.

A lot of people are saying “I wouldn’t get into a relationship with someone I wasn’t attracted to” but it’s not that they weren’t attracted to the person - it’s shame

text-redacted · 2023-10-06T21:56:17+00:00

Here's the thing.

I get it. I really do. But it's still stupid to me.

Like I value a man who values sex and intimacy in committed relationships, preferably marriage. If he wants the "just for fun" experience, he likely doesn't value sex to the same degree I do.

There are no men who are "just for fun" material to me. You're either marriage material or you're nothing. So if a man got offended from me calling him marriage material because I'm somehow implying I don't find him that attractive, he's just impressing this idea of how all women are onto me.

I understand why and how the mindset develops, but I'm not interested in a man who worries about that kind of thing, because that worry doesn't apply to women who strictly don't have casual sex, which is the type of woman I am.

Dstar538888 · 2023-10-07T01:34:52+00:00

Nope, don’t know what you talking about 🤷🏽‍♀️

Particular_Trade6308 · 2023-10-07T02:39:55+00:00

Honestly these kind of threads are a waste because 99% of women just argue that this doesn’t happen and spam comments like “link me an example of this, I have never seen this ever.”

It’s bordering on gaslighting, it’s not like men are inventing these scenarios out of whole cloth. Dating a woman and finding out she had a kinky past but made you wait is a fairly common male experience. I’ve been in that situation, my male friends have as well, and I know a ton of guys who were “good boyfriends” and whose girlfriends lost attraction to before fucking a Chad in a bathroom. And no, the women didn’t cheat because the guy didn’t do enough chores.

We can’t even begin having a productive discussion if the women posters just deny the experiences of the male posters. Imagine a Q4M post from a woman that said “being approached by strange men in the dark makes me scared for my safety” and every single high-level response was “oh that never happens, I don’t know a single guy who has ever approached a woman after dark.”

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-10-07T09:02:27+00:00

Hypothetically, yeah that would suck. But this is not something I can relate to, as I wouldn’t date a guy I wasn’t attracted to, nor swear off sexual activities I genuinely enjoyed because “oh I’m a good girl in a relationship now, I don’t do that anymore.” It’s typically the opposite - most women won’t do certain things with a hookup that they would do in a relationship, because of trust. I’ve done some kinky things in relationships, but never once with someone I was seeing casually or first dating. The comfort level is just not there.

What makes a LOT more sense is that a woman who has tried something before and doesn’t wish to do it again with a new partner, is that she just didn’t like it. I feel like porn has warped men’s brains to think that “true lust = enjoying painful and degrading sex acts” since that’s what’s portrayed on screen. But the reality is those women are not enjoying it. They’re doing it for a paycheck.

I guess anything is possible, but I’ve never heard or seen a woman suggest this is how she feels about her partner vs men she hooked up with before, even on anonymous platforms like Reddit. I’ve seen women talk about losing attraction to their partner for whatever reason, but that presumes attraction was present to start with. It looks like we’re still waiting on any links to women confirming this hypothesis… so yeah.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2023-10-07T15:25:56+00:00

I don't get why you guys think finding someone a good fit for a relationship means we don't want to fuck them..

Why would I be with a man if I didn't feel sexual attraction to him? That's usually the guy you feel the most attracted to, not the least.

Nellylocheadbean · 2023-10-06T23:08:06+00:00

I think It’s only a problem if these men prioritize sex over everything. If Men (whether average or not) admit they genuinely desire to have casual sex and they typically settle for a relationship, then we can compromise.

Women would only have sex with the top men & only deal with them.

Now if men prioritize relationships, I don’t see the problem especially if you’re an average man (the average American man is in his mid 30s, overweight, 5’10 and make 50k). You can’t be average and expect porn star sex just like how women can’t expect a 1% man to commit to her. Average get average expectations and average outcomes.

uwuskincare · 2023-10-07T06:17:31+00:00

Here's a data point: I've only have done wild sex acts in LTR, not with ONS. I cared much more about pleasing my ex bf than any fwb or ons because i loved him and felt safe with him. There's more sex during LTR so you can really explore everything and try new things together.

I think a lot of guys don't get that at a certain point when you've both had a bit of a sexual history, you're going to have tried some things you didn't end up liking. I learned I don't like doggy style for example... I think my canal orientation just doesn't make it comfy lol so yeah I did that with my ex and wouldn't in the future. Does NOT mean I desired him more than a future partner lmfao

Also of course a girl is going to have different standards and behavior with a 'for fun' guy vs a serious guy. There's a shit ton of criteria that you don't have to check for a 'for fun' guy: commitment, future plans, career, common hobbies/values, sense of humor, education level, children plans, EQ, IQ, politics etc

A fun guy just has to be hot, sexually compatible and FUN (which are also things a relationship guy has to be!) Fun guy doesn't need to be tested because he has already flunked the test.

begayallday · 2023-10-07T09:36:26+00:00

Where do you get the idea that women only do certain sexual acts with hook ups? Those kinds of activities require a level of trust not usually present in a one night stand. All of the wild crazy sexual acts that I did which I no longer have a desire to do were done with long term serious partners or a spouse.

EsotericRonin · 2023-10-07T11:38:33+00:00

Like this is quite silly. Men are the ones with different standards with who they'd only sleep with and who they'd date. For the most part, with women they are the same.

Observer_7578 · 2023-10-06T21:09:31+00:00

Oh, its what they mean, and they use ambiguous language on purpose. This post is 100% spot on 1000 times over. I drove a can, and ive seen this behavior and had conversations as to why they do it. Women fuck men they are attracted to. They use and take advantage of (and cheat on) men they see as security, providers, and purse holders.

TheRedPillRipper · 2023-10-06T22:03:45+00:00

it doesn’t matter if things don’t progress

The reason why you’re wrong is that being sexually ‘liberal’ does matter. I am certain that my history impacted my eligibility. Which I accepted.

A ‘hoe’ phase is fine. If one wants to be a hoe. Decisions however, have consequences.

Godspeed and good luck!

EsotericRonin · 2023-10-07T11:36:19+00:00

This is stupid as shit. Work on your self confidence as a man. A girl not wanting to sleep with you on the first date doesn't mean shes not attracted to you, it means shes not a fucking degenerate whore, and you should be glad of that fact.

BunnyFlopped · 2023-10-08T11:52:22+00:00

Of course I understand the sentiment behind that. However I do have one point to play devil’s advocate:

Have you considered that instead of it being about the random man she hooked up with she was just interested in hooking up and the man was available?

I think that option happens way more frequently and then once people are interested in a relationship they readjust the way they perceive sex.

Women can objectify and use men’s bodies if they are horny.

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howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2023-10-06T22:37:29+00:00

Only if you can understand why it’s the exact opposite for women

ParticularCamera2297 · 2023-10-07T02:10:04+00:00

The problem isn’t with men thinking this way, it’s women who chase Chad, get pumped and dumped and then go settle with the “relationship material”. Men who have an issue being “relationship material”, are just saying, rather implicitly, that they understand female sexual strategy.

enbaelien · 2023-10-07T04:05:11+00:00

“It’s not the norm, but a few times, sure, I had sex with some guys on the first night. And yes, I did various sexual acts with them that I now have sworn off, but now that I’m dating this sweet new guy who seems like “relationship material”, I want to take it slow and don’t want to really be doing that crazy sexual stuff anymore.

This...actually hapoens in real life? It sounds so made up of a scenario or maybe I just date sexually liberated women lol.

orangecloverbud · 2023-10-07T05:25:48+00:00

It sounds like a personal problem and they should fix themselves if they have an issue with it.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2023-10-09T01:06:54+00:00

This is one of the reasons I will always be thankful for my wife saving herself.

Title	Q4W: Can you get why some men have a problem being initially seen as "relationship material" vs being "for fun"?
Author	neinhaltchad
Upvotes	53
Comments	616
Date	October 6, 2023 8:55 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/171nhwz/q4w_can_you_get_why_some_men_have_a_problem_being/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-can-you-get-why-some-men-have-a-problem-being.1234228 https://theredarchive.com/post/1234228

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