Do you think women's preferences shift as they mature or do they just "settle" for men they find less attractive because they want to get married

Clementinequeen95 · 2024-06-07T18:36:13+00:00

I’m a woman and my taste has definitely shifted as I’ve aged. I think most people- men and women- mature and figure out which traits they prefer and don’t prefer in a partner

Tobor_Xes240 · 2024-06-07T22:09:13+00:00

I’ve been to several beta bucks weddings. One of the most glaring signs is that the bride’s guests all have +1s and the groom’s guests are all single guys.

SlothMonster9 · 2024-06-07T19:46:07+00:00

I am more baffled by those who have the exact same preference as when they were teenagers.

M3taBuster · 2024-06-08T05:25:57+00:00

I do think in most of these cases, it's a matter of women's preferences genuinely changing as they mature, rather than settling. It's not women being malicious or anything. But it doesn't actually matter. Either way, it's still a raw deal from the perspective of the "beta" men that they settle down with.

From their perspective, they've spent a great deal of their lives alone and toiling away, only to be rewarded with a partner who:

has aged and is less beautiful than before
had her fun and got to experience tons of things he never had the chance to, some of which she now refuses to do with him
values him for traits he doesn't want to be valued for
makes him jump through hoops, while her previous partners got away with murder

nopridewithoutshame · 2024-06-07T17:46:19+00:00

I don't think they are the same women.

8mm_Magnum_Cumshot · 2024-06-07T23:51:55+00:00

I think their priorities shift from attraction to finding a stable provider to have a family with. That's essentially what AF/BB is.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-06-07T19:44:46+00:00

I think both can be true, it just depends.

You can fall in love like crazy head over heels for a person that is normaly not your type at all so from outside view it can seem like you are just settling because they are so different from your previous partners, but in reality you are absolutely crazy about them. I mention this option because sometimes it just looks different than it is.

Some people change their taste. And some people settle. But I'm not able to estimate which case is more common.

If you know a woman used to sleep with man whores normaly and was wild and sex often with them (I don't know how would you know though, do you interogate people for details about their past sex lives?) and then she finds someone stable and nice and is postponing sex as long as she can and avoiding sex as much as possible (after she is done with making children) she is definitely settling.

I think there is lot of people in general, not just women, who settle for the sake of not being alone / having kids / other practical benefits. Men settle for the sake of not being alone and having sex even though they don't even really like the woman and just keep her as placeholder, promise they will propose until they meet someone better in their opinion.

gntlbastard · 2024-06-07T20:44:05+00:00

There are a fair number of women who do this. Others don't settle. Some of this has to do with the desire to have kids. On the flip side there are women who remember how easy life was in their 20's and they keep trying to keep the party going just for another few years if they can.

AdEffective7894s · 2024-06-07T18:14:35+00:00

Its what accounts for men who had little to no success in dating from their teens to mid 20s t getting to a relationship at 30.

At earlier times in history the suckers would just get married because they think someone finally loves them

It must have been a relief to think that you are wanted when you believed that no one wanted you.

And that makes their life all the more tragic.

Then again, compared to a permavirgin, i guess the betabux has a better life, even if his kid thinks he is not worth respecting ( right u/Novel-tip?)

ThatLeval · 2024-06-07T18:37:44+00:00

Some do but for the most part they just get better at finding the right partner

Women are attracted to competency and people in general jump to the conclusion that confidence=competence. It isn't until they've experienced enough or learnt it that they're able to spot people who are confident and not competent

Women aren't the only ones who fall for it. I've seen guys fall for it and I think most young guys fall for it. It typically takes time and experience to figure out the loudest person in the room isn't always the most competent

stats135 · 2024-06-07T18:36:33+00:00

I think its an issue of people lying to themselves.

I remember there was a study that showed people reportedly "liked" their jobs while they were stuck in it, even though they reported they would hate it and had hated it, before and after they had the job. The conclusion of the study was they people told themselves they liked something they hated as a protection mechanism of admitting they were living a miserable life with a crap job.

I think that is what's happening with women "settling". Older women say and think they are attracted to their husbands, as to protect themselves from the reality that they settled for an inferior man. If they ever got the attention they got when they were young, they'd look back at their husbands with distain, just as they did when they were young.

Puzzleheaded_Card_71 · 2024-06-07T19:54:58+00:00

Their desire to have hot guys runs into their desire to have kids. Unless they are actually a high value woman, they won’t have gotten the typical guys they want to commit to them, so they shift to the good men to secure the resources for breeding. It’s not shifting it’s settling and that is supported by the high divorce initiated by women statistics we’ve all seen.

uglysaladisugly · 2024-06-07T20:03:34+00:00

We can't know for SURE for anyone than ourselves right?

The hypothesis that the attraction shifts is not nonsensical per se and could very well be true.

The hypothesis that they consciously learn these men are no good and teach themselves to like other male is also possible.

The hypothesis that they still dream about these males but simply take what they have and be unsatisfied all their life is not impossible but make less sense.

Icy-Advance1108 · 2024-06-07T21:21:44+00:00

They settle.

Hot_Lack_4868 · 2024-06-07T23:06:21+00:00

They either remain single or settle for man they find less attractive .There are thousands of women who complain that their man is kind,loving , emotionally available but they still don't get tingles that they got with the bad boy

bzl33 · 2024-06-07T18:04:29+00:00

most women are married by their early 30s, and I don't believe their preferences change all that much in that time period. if you mean women in their 40s are older, maybe.

apresonly · 2024-06-07T17:57:19+00:00

it seems like older women are much less willing to settle than young women.

but desperate women of all ages will settle for toxic men of all ages.

MistyMaisel · 2024-06-07T18:15:16+00:00

I think most women are just maturing and developing and figuring out the highs and lows of various traits. I do not think they're settling for something they deem as inferior.

missed_boat · 2024-06-07T20:31:31+00:00

You mean they settle for someone without dark triad traits?

Is that what you mean?

Agile-Explanation263 · 2024-06-07T20:56:51+00:00

Usually not the same women but no they don't change that much there will always be a sliver of what they wanted before.

BuffaloDesigner3171 · 2024-06-07T22:53:23+00:00

Women's preferences shift in that they realize they need to settle if they want to get married. Hope that helps.

Common-Call9064 · 2024-06-08T00:22:44+00:00

Who cares many of them will end up divorcing their man anyways and coparenting. The numbers don't lie

TRTGymBro1 · 2024-06-08T00:22:55+00:00

Second one.

Existing-Bug-7910 · 2024-06-08T03:23:42+00:00

Your conclusion is based on the idea that women have some kind of fixed biological nature to get married and have children. That’s simply not true for most women. Living in peace by yourself is better than settling for less.

Sunshine12e · 2024-06-08T03:44:42+00:00

Yes, preferences change. As a 16yr old, I wanted a tall guy, rebellious (I was also rebellious). I went for someone who suffered depression, because I thought I could take care of him and help him improve. I also thought that he would grow up and we would lead "normal" lives. NO. Didn't happen. After divorcing, I then made the mistake of going for someone "different". The cultural differences were way too much to deal with. Then I realized that both times, I was going for the guy who others thought would be bad choices (due to different reasons, but the same). Now? Forget it. If I wanted to date again, I just want a normal GOOD GUY, who wants a normal decent life. That's it. Just life compatibility.

Filmguy000 · 2024-06-08T13:06:36+00:00

Well I can tell you my own observations/experiences as a man pushing 40. A very high number of the women of my generation, (Millenials) absolutely had the high octane style living in their 20's as far as sex and overall life experiences. And if you lived in a big city, the average 25 year old woman definitely had more life mileage than the average 25 year old man. Were there exceptions? Sure. But far and few in between.

Almost all of the women I went to college with or worked with had a fierce attraction to toxic men during their 20's-early 30's (sometimes beyond). And like I said earlier, there were exceptions and those were the ones that married before 30. Some of those couples did divorce since, however, but most seem to be doing well enough. Meanwhile the ones that did not marry generally fit into three categories:

-The woman who is pushing 40 and wants the party to keep going indefinitely

-The woman who did in fact settle due to the desire to have children. There are some instances where this arrangement works but generally, the "betabux" life is not ideal for the men who partner with these women. In this arrangement, the more attractive the man the better off he will be since he will have more room for error and there is less risk of disrespectful behavior from the wife. The manosphere gets a few things wrong but not this, unfortunately.

-The woman who "matured" and decided that toxic men are no longer a sustainable taste, yet she can't find average men attractive so she remains single for life. (Like how a recovering alcoholic can't come to accept non-alcoholic beer due to it being an inferior product and/or potentially triggering a desire to awaken old habits)

Unusual_Implement_87 · 2024-06-07T17:54:48+00:00

They settle. A lot of men would be shocked to find out that their partners don't find them attractive.

However women aren't conscious of what they are doing or of the dynamics going on so maybe they truly believe that their preferences have changed as a means to protect their ego when they find that they can't get commitment from the guys they are attracted to. Similar to ugly guys who say they are focusing on studies or work when they are asked why they don't have a girlfriend.

unhingedtherapist254 · 2024-06-07T23:11:36+00:00

The number one reason your wife is always mad in the house, is because you weren't her 1st choice. Men who have exactly what women want and are attracted to are also the least likely ones to give it to them, that's why alot of women end up with relationships/marriages they want, but with men they would not prefer.

Corbast7 · 2024-06-07T17:56:18+00:00

I think both can be true for different people.

There are plenty of women, just like men, who begrudgingly “settle” for a spouse they’re not completely enthusiastic about because they just want to hurry up and have kids due to the looming social pressure. Or because it feels like the socially acceptable time to earn the “respected” status of being married.

I do have a suspicion that this mindset could be more common in women, since it’s women who are the more strongly shamed gender for being single and childless. Women get assumed to be bitter and miserable when they’re unmarried after 30, and I don’t see men getting anywhere near as much flack for being unmarried. So yeah, the social pressure gets to a lot of people, but I do think it’s more pronounced in women to some extent.

As for the dark triad men, I genuinely believe that women attracted to those kinds of men just have low self worth. The more mature you get, the more self esteem you tend to have, obviously.

Being a gross peacock of a man is like a false veneer of strength and confidence, so women who are dumber and/or have lower self esteem are just going to be more likely to fall for it and confuse it for real strength and competence.

So in other words, men who try to model dark triad traits to woo (usually very young) women are going to get exactly the kind of women they deserve, and who are their equals. Then they’ll probably go online in the manosphere and be like “Aha I knew it! It works! Women all secretly desire shitty men.” Lol.

superlurkage · 2024-06-07T17:49:23+00:00

Both

My days of clubbing, murdering every brain and liver cell possible via chemicals, not sleeping, stealing shit, starting fights, eating crap food, lying on terrible or nonexistent mattresses, and wearing crazy heels are over. I cannot physically survive that stuff anymore.

Thus, marriage sounded better and better

Pleasant-Speed2003 · 2024-06-07T19:13:51+00:00

I wanted a guitarist at 15 to 17 from a band who had tattoos.

Then as I matured I stopped following what I thought was correct and started following what I actually like and then I just wanted strong but heavier men and for them to be loving kind people.

People would say I "lowered my standards" but I personally feel my standards were lower before as I didn't actually like what I was going for I just thought that's what "being sexy" was so I went for it. I was basically not aware of myself enough to know better.

Edit: I also probs figured out quickly as I was someone who matured fast and had plenty of dating experience even before I was 15 really.

half3mptyhalffull · 2024-06-07T22:17:29+00:00

the women i have know who are drawn to "dark triad" guys when they are younger have all either gone to therapy and worked through some trauma, after which their prefrences completely changed, or they ended up becoming just as dangerous and toxic. i think, possibly, that women (men could be exactly the same- i have no idea) try to work out traumatic experiences through their love life- but on a subconcious level. one friend of mine in particular has ended up with a very kind, gentle and respectful guy after a long list of cruel men. he's not as conventionally attractive as the other men shes been with, but she acts exceedingly more attracted to him than any of the others.

i think as people grow and heal, what they find attractive tends to change over time.

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tacticaltossaway · 2024-06-07T19:03:02+00:00

The amount of people who can truly change is a rounding error.

ConanTheCybrarian · 2024-06-08T06:41:54+00:00

our preferences change with maturity/ wisdom, not age. And that's not gender specific.

fellow_who_uses_redd · 2024-06-08T15:03:12+00:00

Women who’re themselves out to the most attractive men in their younger years- never even thinking of giving a lesser guy a chance- and then when their attractiveness starts to go down hill, they rush to find a stable proper guy to stay with.

As a not-so-attractive stable and proper guy, I refuse to accept this. I will lose my virginity to a young attractive gal, and fellow virgin, no matter what it takes. No matter what it takes. Idc if I have to convert to Islam and go to Malaysia.

Whiskeymyers75 · 2024-06-07T18:02:21+00:00

Women start to settle as they get too fat to land a middle aged hot, successful guy.

Goodgoy6969 · 2024-06-07T18:18:22+00:00

They settle. Preferences don't change. Their realisation that they can't bag the guys they wanted becomes apparent, so they settle for fat slops that bag 100k a year and don't have sex with them

Live_Guidance7199 · 2024-06-07T17:52:26+00:00

Are they mutually exclusive?

Preferences in a partner clearly don't budge - not like they won't cheat if Ryan Gosling of 10 years ago tells them to ignore their fat personal wallet of a husband for a night.

Preferences in life however - someone has to raise those 13 kids with 13 different dads. So you settle, because said Ryan Gosling isn't doing so.

classicslayer · 2024-06-07T18:40:15+00:00

I mean is it really a settle if they never truly had the attractive guy in the first place?

Steakman1 · 2024-06-07T20:31:11+00:00

I think for most, their preferences shift as they mature. The whole settling thing probably doesn’t happen that much until women hit their 30s or older. I certainly didn’t know all the attributes of a good partner in my early 20s and put higher priority over more superficial things. To expect women to have it all figured out right away would be hypocritical.

Green-Quantity1032 · 2024-06-08T02:46:30+00:00

Women’s tastes change (a bit).

Why wouldn’t they?

There’s no real way a 39y/o would land an uprising 27y/o chad - what will she offer? When I say land I mean settle, not have a Tinder hookup (what chad has his filter that high in ages anyway)

Men however, might still have some mid20s crowd well into their 40s if they have the funds and looks.

So yeah - men tend to still like young hotties, women tend to converge towards sophisticated older men when older

solstice-sky · 2024-06-07T18:46:08+00:00

I think this entire premise is wrong. I “settled” in my teens and 20s when I didn’t know any better. My preferences are more refined and stringent than ever before and I think most women are like this. We don’t become lax and tolerate more bullshit as we get older. It’s the exact opposite.

relish5k · 2024-06-07T19:21:27+00:00

i don’t think attraction truly changes with age, but women have more sensitive bull shit / fuckboy detectors that they develop with experience.

Rob Henderson recently posted some really interesting thoughts on attraction to dark triad traits / dangerous men on his substack. specifically looked to how primates (chimps) reliably rate with the most aggressive males in the hopes that these males will not kill their own offspring (infanticide is quite common among chimps, something like 1/7). not that that explains human female behavior perfectly but certainly does make you think.

baiser_vole · 2024-06-07T20:06:20+00:00

Depends. When it comes to preferences in looks, I don't think it shifts much. I've seen too many rich ladies in Asia fawning over young good looking guys. It is just that women often desire commitment and a relationship/connection, that they go for men their age.

Women of all ages are attracted to masculinity in general, but naive women are generally bad at determining actual strength vs. a pretty act. I think even Buss said it is about not being able to tell the difference between what's real and what's an act.

OkProfessional9405 · 2024-06-07T20:20:14+00:00

RPs answer is that women have the guys they are attracted to and the guys they can extract resources from. When it's time to have kids, get a nicer home, etc they need to invest more time in the guys they can extract resources from.

So to those men, they meet women with sky high standards, who never settle, who complain at the smallest inconvenience. They are in full on resource extraction mode. Like a person haggling over prices at the farmers market.

They very well would act quite different with someone they saw as short term fun. Just as they always have.

SlavePrincessVibes3 · 2024-06-08T20:43:44+00:00

Nah, the incels just can't stand the fact that they do not possess the characteristics necessary to see a real live young woman naked.

It's hilarious that they bitch about women with unfair or unrealistic standards, but then denigrate and reject women who are older.

Bc they don't want older. They want young and beautiful and fresh.

But some don't want to just come out and say that, bc it's hypocritical AF, so they instead find reasons to reject older women even tho those older women are finally in a position to appreciate different characteristics than when they were younger.

HappyCat79 · 2024-06-07T20:02:27+00:00

I know that my preferences have changed.

I couldn’t settle for someone I’m not attracted to, though. I have a good man who I also find incredibly attractive. I can’t stop looking at him or touching him when we are together. Everything about him turns me on from his voice to his arms and chest, his face, and his personality.

doggiedoc2004 · 2024-06-07T20:30:35+00:00

Most people mature over time as they experience life. If you think what a person wants at 20 is the same as what they want at 30 or 40 you are a moron. Dudes who want to call having a different taste and needs in a relationship vs what a woman was interested in at 20 “settling” are morons. Is a dude who decides to go for a more low key, motherly, less attractive woman “settling” when his early years he thought he wanted hot and wild?? No, his tastes and needs have matured!

Everyone is different. Hell I leveled up after losing a bunch of weight and absolutely didn’t settle - my standards got very high vs when I had low self esteem that resulted in being used and dismissed by men. I ended up with a faaaar better dude when i hit 30 vs when I was younger.

Acceptable_Parking96 · 2024-06-07T22:19:03+00:00

They usually see mature as settling and toxic as high quality. Eventually, they realise that

MidoriEgg · 2024-06-07T23:20:01+00:00

110% your attraction shifts, types of men I thought where cool when I was 18 seem beyond cringy/exhausting to me now

DecisionPlastic9740 · 2024-06-07T23:35:46+00:00

They settle

gothfrootloop · 2024-06-08T01:24:31+00:00

My tastes have shifted every couple years since I had my first crush at the age of like 8. I think it’s natural for tastes to shift as you do as a person. However I think they’re pretty solidified by late 20s because that’s when you as a person are, for the most part, solidified in your persona.

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2024-06-08T05:05:02+00:00

some women's preferences change aka the women who bring enough to the table to get a guy who not only treats them well but who they also are attracted to. most women can't get that guy, so if they want marriage they'll have to settle for the stereotypical people pleasing nice guy. lots of women decide to stay single instead, when they realize that the guys they truly want don't want them. AF/BB is a thing but it's a simplified model that doesn't fully encompass all of modern dating dynamics. some women can get the alpha bucks and some women rather have nobody than a beta, especially as they often don't need his bucks. thanks for listening to my ted talk.

Medical_Sense5953 · 2024-06-08T05:48:05+00:00

It’s definitely a shift for sure.

Youngrazzy · 2024-06-08T12:46:03+00:00

A litte of of both

Upset_Material_3372 · 2024-06-09T09:08:17+00:00

Yes I think women’s taste does change, becoming even more restrictive with age.

daddysgotanew · 2024-06-09T12:34:23+00:00

Women definitely settle when the egg clock is ticking and Chad isn’t texting her at 1AM anymore.

It’s a meme for a reason.

Updawg145 · 2024-06-09T14:21:26+00:00

Imo everyone's horniness decreases with age to some degree so we naturally will shift towards more practical considerations when choosing romantic partners vs just how hot we think they are. I'm sure this sub is dominated by the "attraction = everything" rhetoric primarily because the average age on reddit is like 23 so most people here are still caught up in the horniest stage of their life, which also typically coincides with less practical-mindedness. College kids aren't usually thinking about settling down or balancing household budgets, they're just partying and having fun, therefore they date hot people.

But as you get older, you start caring less about how hard a woman gets your dick, or how wet a dude gets your pussy, and more about how much easier it would be to pay bills and afford to live in a nice area if you tripled your household income.

No_Matter_8648 · 2024-06-09T16:55:57+00:00

Lolololol you already sound like you know the answer but want the blue pilled hope. I dated women my age my whole life until now I’m in my mid 30s & those women are dead to me. Women think they can play the double standards game forever until they hit the wall & learn what dating is actually like for men. Absolutely brutal soul crushing bullshit…

Enzo-Unversed · 2024-06-09T20:45:11+00:00

Depends. Many women will think dating a man 2/3/10 points above them is "settling".

Gmed66 · 2024-06-10T02:51:33+00:00

No one is settling anymore, at least not much.

HeavyPhilosopher6702 · 2024-07-12T17:23:24+00:00

My preferences have definitely changed a lot over time. Looking back, I'm sad I didn't have the same preferences as I do now. I'm actually really glad I didn't get married to any of the people I dated before. I do want to get married, but I also do not want to settle. I'm a woman and 30, if that helps.

AngeCruelle · 2024-06-07T17:55:38+00:00

Maturity is the bigger factor ime. It's not like only angelic and morally upstanding men are interested in marriage. You can find plenty of assholes who want a wife. Often not for good reasons, but if you really want to marry one, you can.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2024-06-07T19:57:33+00:00

If hot guys were also good guys women would want the hot good guys. As we get older we’re able to deprioritize the stuff that doesn’t matter and reprioritize the stuff that’s does. A super hot guy who’s dripping in dark triad traits does absolutely nothing for me. Sure, he’s nice to look at, but what does that matter if he’s gonna make me miserable.

And for the record- this comes from a woman who has no “time limit” cuz I’m never having kids. I’d still rather have a good guy than a hot asshole

Unhappy_Offer_1822 · 2024-06-07T18:05:27+00:00

are they aware that the dark triad men are dark triad men?

driggsky · 2024-06-07T18:35:03+00:00

This is a complex answer that I think serious science / thinking needs to be done to answer properly if you want to be rigorous about terms

The reason for that is because one’s preferences change once they understand what is available in the market. For example, when you’re a kid you want to be a firefighter or save the rain forest or something. When you get older, you realize other important values and market constraints and realize that your old preferences were either unrealistic OR you may not want those things anymore

Preferences changing due to market conditions can also be seen as coping with the reality of the world and finding some pockets of positive things to say about your current situation. For example, your job might be somewhat rewarding and somewhat interesting and you may think ‘yeah well i like parts of it, i wouldnt switch my job at all right now’. But your current job isnt your childhood dream job of being an astronaut.

Either way ‘settling’ and changing preferences can be seen as two sides of the same coin. Except changing preferences might be the more positive way to view it whereas settling has the connotation that one is aware they could do better but are ‘settling’. — in any case, the term settling often isnt used right in the long term relationship market. If the woman had higher market value she would attract the man she’s attracted to. Not many people really ‘settle’ in the sense that they could do better but are going for less. theyve had like 10 years to find a partner while in their prime and if they havent found them yet, then well sorry you’re not settling, you’re simply getting the value you offer

Obviously if theres a situation where someone has significant time pressure and cant be on the hunt for a partner throughout their 20s and they want to get married before 35 then they maybe are ‘settling’. But no, if youve been dating freely for a decade+, you are not settling. You are just not as valuable as you think you are

alebruto · 2024-06-07T18:40:20+00:00

I think both could be true, but the frequency with which I see supposed maturity accompany the decline of one's appearance indicates that the majority of cases in which this happens is the situation dictated by the manosphere.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2024-06-07T20:02:20+00:00

Attraction never changes for both sexes when they reach adulthood, only circumstances and ability to get the partner they desire does.

buckeyetree · 2024-06-07T20:23:05+00:00

I don’t know what a dark triad is, but my tastes shifted in the sense that I have different standards now.

Cethlinnstooth · 2024-06-07T20:46:22+00:00

I think human attraction is fairly complicated. It's complicated for men too...just they've got a larger element of generalized lust. I've been gradually changing my theories about how it works.

I don't think there's a simple slider system that goes (for example) from muscular to scrawny or from honest to liar or from moral to psychopathic or whatever.

I think there's something rather more like separate sliders for different qualities. So someone is attracted to both muscular and scrawny but different amounts to each? To both moral and psychopathic? To both compliant and challenging?

Then I think there's systems in humans for just turning off or turning down perception of that attraction depending on perceived consequences of the attraction. Both men and women have these systems. There's a whole lot of people who we (both men and women) are underlying attracted to but we've "snapped outta it" or "got the ick" ot "decided not even with someone else's dick" or whatever.

So the model I work from currently to approximate what happens human attraction...

Single attribute sliders not sliders between opposite attributes.

Separate attraction and repulsion systems.

An example of how this works in men for example might be the man is a small amount repulsed by makeup itself but highly attracted to a woman signalling that she makes efforts to please and be noticed. So he goes right up to that chick at the party wearing a tonne of makeup and all the women are like "men are such fucking liars about the makeup thing" when it's more like humans in general are just complicated and don't even perceive themselves particularly accurately.

Anyhow I think human systems around caution and fear continue to be adjusted all the way through life, far more than human systems around pleasure and attraction. And we also pick up specific fixations. Like...a man might hate makeup but decide lipstick is sexy and a different things altogether. Or a woman might hate liars but decide a little light lying during flirting is sexy so long as it's not about anything important.

Humans are...not quite as we generally model them to be in our minds. And I think a lot of heterosexual men just think women are unusually weird because getting sex is the only time they've bothered to really try to understand humans.

LaFrescaTrumpeta · 2024-06-07T23:41:38+00:00

so much of our learning is experiential, and this is one of those things imo. i do think the most susceptible demographic are younger ppl with shakey self esteems raised to develop worldviews that highly value masculine power over “pussy/feminine” men like egalitarians.

for a ton of anxiously attached people drawn to avoidant types like triads, being in a relationship with them is all it takes to realize “oh so this is the downside to this emotionally distant bad boy shtick.” others take longer to develop the self esteem to see the situation for what it is, if they ever do.

RubyDiscus · 2024-06-07T17:55:43+00:00

They probably figure out the qualities they actually want in someone with experience after dating men and having some negative experiences

TheYoungFaithful · 2024-06-07T19:24:01+00:00

The first one. My preferences actually did change as I got older. I think that stems from experience in the adult world more than just wanting to get married. My preferences just shifting more based on which guys treated me better and were more easy going with me.

RelativeYak7 · 2024-06-07T23:33:06+00:00

I don't think it's any different for men. Ever been conned? Ever figured out the religion you were raised with is fairy tale BS? Maybe you're a bit gullible and thick headed and it takes more cons than typical until the cynicism kicks in. Well, it's the same for women. Ooooh! I can't take these forkers at face value. Oooh! Men will have sex with a fire hydrant wearing a wig! Get der fook out of here? Who knew.

RandomCentipede387 · 2024-06-07T21:07:06+00:00

As William Costello (an evolutionary psychologist who studies incels) said, women largely prefer to stay single than to stay with a shit partner. In contrast, guys still prefer a shit partner to no partner. I haven't checked what he based it on, nor the methodology, but from my own experience, it seems to be true—only past a certain age. However, I genuinely hope the new generations of girls will be less timid and mousy than we were in the late 2000s and early 2010s, and will feel beautiful and powerful very early on.

The girls in their teens and early 20s that I have seen and talked to, accepted a lot of crap that I, as a mature woman, would never gloss over. And why is that, since they have more "power" in the "dating market"? Because, and I can't underline it enough, youth is truly wasted on the young. It doesn't matter that you're objectively at your most beautiful if you don't feel like it and all you see in the mirror, are flaws.

I'm a 34 y.o. woman and words cannot describe the exhaustion nor the boredom that I feel when I think of some of my exes and all the bs that happened, and then imagine going through it again. Absolutely nothing is worth it, and I'm sure lots of guys know the feeling all to well themselves. At some point you get to be so incredibly comfortable with who you are and your life, however it unrolls, that you just don't care anymore whether there will be a guy there or not. Which would mean tragedy and the end of your life for the 23 y.o. version of you.

Rough_Theme_5289 · 2024-06-08T02:10:33+00:00

I got married very very young and I realized while married he wasn’t my type but I’d already had kids so tried to make it work. Divorced for other reasons and I strictly deal with my type . Are there women who settle ? Probably . Are they the majority ? Nope

Title	Do you think women's preferences shift as they mature or do they just "settle" for men they find less attractive because they want to get married
Author	Novel-Tip-7570
Upvotes	48
Comments	423
Date	June 7, 2024 5:43 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1dagul0/do_you_think_womens_preferences_shift_as_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-think-womens-preferences-shift-as-they.1520844 https://theredarchive.com/post/1520844

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