There’s nothing wrong with a coffee/walking date as the first date

quiturbitchn · 2021-12-04T00:42:37+00:00

My partner and I had a coffee first date that lasted 8+ hours

Schicksalschatzz · 2021-12-04T07:41:34+00:00

Who cares what a bunch of losers mandate.

Do what you want. If you are worried about what some random chick thinks you already lost.

Orange_Paisley · 2021-12-04T00:50:09+00:00

Our first hangout was during his lunch break at a park across the street from my house. We ended up making out on a picnic table. Our next date was a proper dinner date and we fucked before we made it to the restaurant, went and had dinner, and then went back to his and fucked some more. That was roughly 9 years ago.

ask_fair · 2021-12-04T00:48:50+00:00

Yes to coffee/tea date. Easy, quick and low-cost way of evaluating a date.

No to a walking in the park date: I'm not going to an isolated area with a virtual stranger I just met.

Coffee dates are great because it's: public, daylight, and no alcohol so you can drive yourself home right afterward.

Pigeon-in-Boots · 2021-12-04T06:21:47+00:00

I love a good old coffee date. Great way to get to know someone without any distractions.

Soon-to-be-Catlady · 2021-12-04T09:09:44+00:00

Nothing wrong with it on the first date. I dated two men from tinder more seriously in the last couple years and both times we started out with coffee and a walk (one time beach, one time park). Both times it extended into a several hour thing, getting a drink after etc. That's the nice thing about a casual first meeting, you can leave quickly if you don't click or you can continue with it.

NoMarriageNoKids · 2021-12-04T01:10:16+00:00

Never do an expensive first date for a few reasons. Odds are you won't click. Odds are you got catfished to some degree. Odds are if it's dinner then you're stuck in a job interview or life interrogation. Also, you're setting a precedent of spending money on her without her first earning it.

Cheap-Pound7001 · 2021-12-04T03:35:38+00:00

Agreed. People can quickly determine compatibility within 30 minutes to an hour.

No need for the pomp, expense and monkey dance of a dinner date.

This isn't the 1920s.

Jonny2266 · 2021-12-04T01:08:24+00:00

Coffee should be fine since it's low stakes for both sides. Drinks even better. A walk in the park is pretty lame though to be honest. But you don't want to waste money on awkward initial dinner dates with a stranger that go nowhere. Save the dinner dates for later when you actually know the person a bit.

PreparationWorried33 · 2021-12-04T02:56:01+00:00

Honestly the issues with walk/coffee dates are just about knowing your audience. Some women are high maintenance, some are low maintenance. You have to know what kind of woman you’re dating and what kind of things she’d be comfortable with. If you’re dealing with a woman who only owns nothing but heels, a walk date would be unwise and going out for coffee wouldn’t cut it as an actual date. Since that’s more than likely just part of her daily routine anyway and it seems more like you’re just tagging along.

For a more low maintenance woman this would be a-ok. As something fancier and glitzier would probably make her feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed. She’s feel anxious and out of her element.

If you prefer taking women on coffee and walk dates, aim for low maintenance women. It’s all about finding the type of women that work with your dating style and adjusting accordingly.

semiredpilled · 2021-12-04T07:16:19+00:00

Coffee is more than enough. You can always politely end and walk away whenever you want. I've done it before.

goneaway2thewind · 2021-12-04T15:22:06+00:00

I didn't think so either, until I realized how "low effort" it was in comparison to the other offers the women I talked to recieved.

While there's nothing "wrong" with it, I wouldn't broadcast it as a coffee date, it's probably better to go out and get coffee while you're spending time together than to make it a highlight.

ObviouslyAnAltAct · 2021-12-04T20:09:38+00:00

If a woman refuses a coffee first date, then run. Run away as fast as you can. A woman like that reeks of entitlement. You can smell her FDS future from a mile away.

sorcieres · 2021-12-04T01:15:27+00:00

I actually love more low-effort dates. Less pressure, not so overwhelming. I wanna be able to talk and get to know someone without interruption or distractions.

Zerofication · 2021-12-04T00:48:29+00:00

It must have been written by a woman because it's only women who give such terrible dating advice. Low effort dates are best for both men looking for hook ups as well as men looking for LTRs.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2021-12-04T01:25:52+00:00

All first dates should be extremely low cash investment for the guy.

Unless you're a millionaire or something...

PirateDocBrown · 2021-12-04T02:26:19+00:00

The purpose of a first date in conversation. Get to know one another. Coffee. Drinks in a quiet pub. A light lunch. A walk in the park or on the beach. All perfect.

And as others have mentioned, easy to bow out, if it goes wrong.

When I do suggest food, it's because I wanted to go out anyway, and it's always to a low cost, local, mom-and-pop restaurant, with great food. Lots of character, often unusual foods (great conversation topic).

Edit: Ooh! Someone mentioned an ice cream parlor! Perfect!

baresquad · 2021-12-04T01:35:07+00:00

Maybe nothing wrong with it but it absolutely is boring as hell

AnonymousAndy2018 · 2021-12-04T01:47:06+00:00

As a rule, I try to avoid boring, mundane things on a date like this ie coffee date. Too easy to get in the friendly chatter trap where you literally convey friendzone vibes where she sees you as the gay shopping buddy.

This is how you get ghosted and she will say "I don't feel a spark" because you played it too safe and boring.

DesperateTraffic3164 · 2021-12-04T03:30:04+00:00

If it's OLD, you should never take a woman out on a date period until you have a minimum of 2 phone calls and/or 1-2 video calls. That's enough to establish: 1.) She's not a catfish 2.) You have some level of chemistry and can carry a conversation 3.) She's not from FDS.

Once you've proven that, then you should ask her what type of dates she enjoys. There are plenty of women that really enjoy parks and walking dates, some prefer a nice dinner, others like things that are more exciting. Nothing works for every person. Just ask what they enjoy, and then do that thing.

Texan2116 · 2021-12-04T06:47:48+00:00

I have had a couple of those types of dates, insisted on by the chicks. Things didnt work, but , the date was fun enough,].

neetykeeno · 2021-12-04T10:31:59+00:00

Whether a date is wrong or right is largely subjective and situational. For a lot of women, a first date must show some exceptional display of why she should bother at all. This is especially the case if the man is not a match in terms of physical attractiveness...I mean why should some gorgeous hotty give you the time of day unless you can match what she brings... everyone wants her she doesn't need or want an average looking low effort man. That doesn't have to involve a meal or a show or any spending of money per se...but for a lot of men who lack perceptiveness and social skills that's the easiest way of going about it.

nucleargnomes · 2021-12-04T15:47:04+00:00

My partner and I did exactly this. They paid for their drink, I paid for mine, we wandered all around our city of choice .

You can always call it a day, and always keep walking, so its always the perfect date length.

We've been together over 3 years now.

luliloo · 2021-12-04T19:13:35+00:00

I understand why a guy would prefer a low investment first date so I don’t mind.

I don’t like drinking coffee in the evening tho so I prefer drinks, happy hour, dessert, etc.

simeneta_two · 2021-12-04T01:47:17+00:00

I prefer drinks over coffee but yeah I agree if you barely know a person then the first date should be pretty casual

Walking dates sound terrible though. I prefer talking with someone face to face so I can get to know them, plus it’s harder to exit a walk date if things aren’t going well.

Admirable-Set9743 · 2021-12-04T02:07:00+00:00

I think eating more than a snack is an unfavorable date structure in general but the truth is that if what the first date is matters you've already lost. Doing the big expensive dinner is great if she actually likes you but if not then nothing will make you feel like shaving your inner arms really well in the tub more than realizing you were just a neuter validation bot to her, and you gave her everything she wanted to be discarded.

yo_dwayne · 2021-12-04T11:09:59+00:00

Leave it to FDS and you’ll be called a scrote for trying to not spend money on dinner on the first date lol

geometersbane · 2021-12-04T01:56:32+00:00

On paper, there’s nothing with it. But in practice, it’s not advised.

Most women go into it with the expectation of the guy wining and dining her.

So, if you subvert her expectations with these safeguarding tactics, you’re hamstringing your chances.

Since many guys don’t have any qualms about spending a few extra $, don’t be surprised if she drops you for the dude that keeps up.

Women generally don’t care about getting to know you. They just want the dating experience that aligns with the traditional courting process.

Go the extra mile and she’ll be more amenable. Risk mitigation is usually the way to go but for low stake situations like first dates, it’s not worth it.

MountainNine · 2021-12-04T04:08:21+00:00

I love a coffee date. So many times, the men I match and text with are not at all in real life who they project on their profile. A 30-45 minute coffee date weeds out the people who aren't compatible with you, as opposed to spending 3 total hours on a dinner. If the coffee date goes well, it moves to dinner.

One guy said he was an entrepreneur in text, but during dinner it turns out he's an unemployed, non-work-seeking 35 year old that lives with his parents who wired some Christmas lights on his neighbor's house once and called it a "business." Much rather would have figured that out in the first 15 minutes over coffee than being stuck waiting for the first course to come out. His situation isn't a dealbreaker, but his lack of drive to better himself was.

I own my own business and I do not have time to spend multiple weeknights or weekends meeting people who aren't going to work with me. I just want someone who matches my drive and has similar values. Easy to gauge when meeting for coffee.

Robotemist · 2021-12-04T05:32:37+00:00

Nowadays most women don't do anything in the audience of a man that doesn't grant her some form of validation. The reason a woman demands more from a date isn't because she's high maintenance, most of these women sit at home all day watching reality TV and browsing Instagram. They wouldn't go to a restaurant unless a man took them.

A coffee or walking date simply doesn't validate her femininity. The audacity of a man being on her presence and not providing validation whether in money, effort or clout reinforces her mediocre SMV.

Men are starting to realize that which is why dating is dying, and men are no longer chasing. When I was single I refused to put in any ore effort than was shown and I refused to solely pay for dates.

Men need to realize paying for a date will never make a girl like you. And if she does like you to the extent she wants you to, not paying won't make her not like you.

SmurfESmurferson · 2021-12-04T00:29:59+00:00

If you’re looking to hook up, you’re shopping yourself in the foot. A glass or two of wine, and you’re likely to get some smooching

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-12-04T04:24:08+00:00

Wife and I's first date was coffee , while I don't think somebody should just pick a bull shit first date, the most important thing it's just going to be the chemistry, vibes and conversation

OokiiStaR · 2021-12-04T14:25:52+00:00

This is my favorite kind of first date. Let's you see if you vibe irl without wasting anyone's time. Not sure who's not a fan of this.

Virtual-Jackfruit243 · 2021-12-04T01:08:19+00:00

Men invest time, effort and money into women they're interested in. Coffee dates are low effort. Now here comes the question," how can I be interested in a stranger?"

Well didn't you talk to that stranger for days and decided they were interesting enough to meet? You liked something about them so much that you now actually want to see them in person.

So shouldn't a man just do a coffee date to see if there's still that saw spark?

Sure. But we've seen men who were so wowed by a woman that they went above and beyond for her. Of course to the incels, hes a simp but to the rest of the normal functional adults that's a gentleman.

TheHeroReditDeserves · 2021-12-04T03:04:26+00:00

I literally can’t imagine being so poor that foodie call is a legitimate concern

mandoa_sky · 2021-12-04T02:07:05+00:00

i agree. i just don't see it as a "date" and more as a "introductory session".

Cupcakelover1985 · 2021-12-04T03:08:48+00:00

Whether or not something is “wrong” with it is dependent on whether or not you want a relationship and what kind. If you’re just looking for sex or you want a low effort relationship, low effort dates are great. If you want a high effort relationship, they’re terrible because it sets the tone of what will happen going forward.

spinsterchachkies · 2021-12-04T02:00:22+00:00

This is like the boring interview date. Sure there is nothing wrong with it. But it’s boring and not sexy at all. But I use it for OLD dates to find out if I’m even sexually interested in someone. If it’s a yes I’ll see them again. No, then they don’t have hard feelings.

Grimmanomaly · 2021-12-04T01:16:12+00:00

One of my favorite dates is the night time bike ride. Go to the park, downtown, and stop for ice cream. Look up your park rules first tho. Your truck might be towed and gone when you get back.

Sultmaker_9000 · 2021-12-04T00:56:28+00:00

Always agree to meet at bar or coffee shop as the first point especially for OLD, if its straight to a restaurant you could be in for an unpleasant time. I have walked out of dates in 10 minutes before.

ItIsnt0verYet · 2021-12-04T02:35:48+00:00

I love coffee/walking dates. Once i went tea shop hopping with a date. We talked for hours and dated for years. Hands down still my favorite first date.

pubgmisc · 2021-12-04T04:13:01+00:00

These dates are always the best, it’s just that there are some 40+ women who want to extract more attention / food / resources out unfortunately. The best dates are coffee park dates, also keeps convo going. Opens up for a second date etc

Blindnavigater · 2021-12-04T05:55:59+00:00

Get to know the person not their wallet.

just_nosey92 · 2021-12-04T09:13:19+00:00

As a woman I've never demanded a date pay, I've always offered to pay every time but I very rarely have in dating scene as most men wouldn't let me. With my bf now he pays sometimes and I do too. I love fancy restaurants if we go to one I pay as I know it's not his favourite but it certainly is mine . He'll pay if its a special occasion but out of his own choice. When we first dated he chose to pay mostly I just kept offering. Im on significantly less money then him. Im not poor now but I was when we met I always still offered to pay

SKY_ACTIV3 · 2021-12-04T09:33:54+00:00

I’ve said a couple times now that I don’t mind taking girls out for nicer dinner/drink dates, usually because I build up a little rapport beforehand. Not talking Ruth Chris’ or any FDS wet dream, but a decent $30 ramen date here and there doesn’t break the bank. If I was going on first dates 3 times a week then that might be different, but I’m not.

That being said, if she doesn’t offer to split, or pay for dessert, or buy me a freakin beer, or anything at any point, that’s a pretty clear red flag. In theory. Its never happened to me, and most of the time the girl jumped at the chance to pay for the second date in full. I don’t know where these entitled women y’all are meeting are, but I need you to let me know so I can avoid them.

Beltadowa · 2021-12-04T09:54:39+00:00

Female, blue pill, absolutely agree. No point investing in someone who you might realise you don't click with after 3 seconds. I like a lot of FDS but this is one of the things I really disagree with.

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2021-12-04T10:12:36+00:00

Nothings wrong with it. It just won’t be with me.

A man should also understand when he’s ghosted for suggesting it. Smile and nod when it happens.

RedPill115 · 2021-12-04T12:00:27+00:00

what’s wrong with an initial shorter date to check you click in real life before going on to longer dates?

It's taken as "you're not interested in them" because you want to leave early.

It triggers some sort of "who controls how long we're here for" dominance contest for women, like a kindergarden teacher telling you how long you're allowed to be outside.

MuttonDressedAsGoose · 2021-12-04T12:28:05+00:00

I agree. Low commitment.

Imagine being stuck on an elaborate date with someone you know right away isn't for you?

When I was young and on the cock carousel, I never saw men as means for getting free meals. I wouldn't even accept a drink if I knew I wouldn't be interested. I would chat with them for the duration of the drink, figuring that's what they were buying - the chance to chat. If I found them unpleasant I would leave the drink unfinished and walk away.

Jakes1967 · 2021-12-04T13:27:14+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with a coffee/walking date as the first date

Thankfully I've only "dated" a few US women. Dating usually = interview/interrogate.

Actually my EE training was way less stressful than dating in the USA.

RPslimjim · 2021-12-04T14:53:30+00:00

Usually my first date is a coffee date or walk in the park. The second will be at night at a bar. The third will be at my place and I’ll cook.

manfrom-nantucket · 2021-12-04T15:00:53+00:00

Put it this way, a woman who is worthwhile won't give a fuck if you are having coffee or walking - she's going to be interested because she wants to spend time with you not because of what you are buying her.

IcarusKiki · 2021-12-04T12:25:41+00:00

Its not about cost for me its about how boring it is. Like at least do something fun to get the adrenaline flowing.

BeepBeepSaysTheJeep · 2021-12-04T15:40:53+00:00

It's lazy, low effort, and boring.

Juniorsupernova · 2021-12-04T02:02:14+00:00

I've been doing this my whole life, it always worked. Never take advice from women

AutoModerator · 2021-12-03T23:58:59+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

MoreSosaLessTony6996 · 2021-12-04T21:11:57+00:00

Perfect first date or ice cream or smoothie

FabulousFuchsbau · 2021-12-05T00:23:38+00:00

Our first date or at least first time just being alone one on one was a cafeteria that had subpar food, but I felt so at ease talking with him.

Need_wine · 2021-12-05T01:40:22+00:00

Problem being, I don’t find anything interesting about meeting a strange man for coffee that I don’t drink in the afternoon or a walk.

I normally get asked for drinks, we both have one and talk for a bit.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2021-12-05T22:57:55+00:00

Same nonsensical question like the women who ask, "what's wrong with withholding myself for months for "proof of interest"? 😴 ... It's the scared insecure deer in the headlights running from possible boogy-man that's ridiculous. Likewise, it is a repulsion to men scared of women; naturally, not men with financial intelligence.

savetgebees · 2021-12-05T23:45:20+00:00

If it’s just a meet up after talking on OLD. Just go to a fun bar that serves drinks and good appetizers. $25 isn’t asking a slot for a date.

Throwaway18077 · 2021-12-07T04:23:17+00:00

My ex and I went on a walk for our first date and it was the best date of my life. What helped with the effort aspect was that he said multiple times that he wishes he took me to dinner instead. Nothing wrong with throwing that line in if you’re interested in them. And in that case, take them to dinner for date #2.

pink-summer-sky · 2021-12-04T02:08:56+00:00

People want what they want. If coffee dates work for you, do them. If dinner dates work for you, do them.

Miserable_Yam4778 · 2021-12-04T02:44:03+00:00

Coffee or walking, maybe not so much. Lack of imagination. But I still think low cost and low investment is good for a first date.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-12-04T03:07:18+00:00

Coffee, sure. A walking date sounds horrendous.

EDIT: I think this makes more sense if you're talking about a date with someone you don't know. I wouldn't ever go on a date with a stranger, anyway. I knew my husband for months before our first date.

Devourer_of_felines · 2021-12-04T03:39:38+00:00

I for one am all for women demanding to be wined and dined as a basic meet and greet.

Makes it very easy to vet out entitled brats who grew old without growing up

DontwantaFairOne · 2021-12-04T04:10:52+00:00

Either that, 🎾 or a video chat. Even if I wanted to go to dinner, I would screen by asking for one of the above things.

Willow-girl · 2021-12-04T05:11:04+00:00

[permanently deleted]

poppy03 · 2021-12-04T05:31:25+00:00

I don’t think anything is inherently wrong with it, I just personally would not ever go on a walking date for the first 3 dates. The guy would not be the right one for me but I’m sure he’ll be the right guy for someone else who doesn’t mind it.

YetAnotherCommenter · 2021-12-04T07:37:41+00:00

I’ve seen that certain dating strategies mandate that one must not go on a low effort coffee date with a man to begin with.

Seriously?

Really?

I mean... isn't it always meant to start with coffee and a chat (you know, to see if you like each other) BEFORE you do more?

Or maybe I'm just demented.

But "I like you, let's talk and have a coffee and discuss stuff" sounds to me like a perfectly reasonable starting place.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2021-12-04T09:46:11+00:00

There's nothing wrong with it, if that's what a couple wants to do. Not every woman thinks she is a KWEEN! bent on maximum resource extraction when she's really a Future Cat Colonist. It is how it is.

Conversely, there's nothing wrong with a dinner date either, if, again, the couple wants to do that.

duniyamadarchodhai · 2021-12-04T13:13:24+00:00

I'd love going on a walk than anything else.

Whynotbebetter · 2021-12-04T14:15:28+00:00

Who said that? I'd love just a sit down and talk date.

Title	There’s nothing wrong with a coffee/walking date as the first date
Author	Fun_Employment6335
Upvotes	170
Comments	452
Date	December 3, 2021 11:58 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/r8ciw9/theres_nothing_wrong_with_a_coffeewalking_date_as/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/theres-nothing-wrong-with-a-coffeewalking-date-as.1088833 https://theredarchive.com/post/1088833

Comments