Men shouldn't dismiss so quickly the idea that unequal distribution of housework/childcare contributes to divorces

Tricky_Dog1465 · 2024-03-04T18:28:31+00:00

I'm Gen X and even my parents split the household chores. My mom loads the dishwasher, dad empties it. Mom cleans the bathroom, dad cleans the living room/ dining room. Mom does laundry, dad folds it. Ect.

They have a great marriage and rarely argue.

MistyMaisel · 2024-03-04T18:54:04+00:00

I think calling it child-care/ housework may be some of the reason men deny this, just being honest. They're thinking, "Things are clean. We have food. I cook sometimes. The kids are fine. They go to school, etc.". And they're probably at least lightly honest to say all this.

But this is pretty reductive language as the first issue. Most women are really upset that the grunt work childcare is still mostly done by them (not playing, not doing enrichment activities, but the real trenches of childcare, discipline, everything not fun). Women still do the majority of the administration surrounding their children (doctors, dentists, teachers, schools, sports, hobbies, babysitting, rides). If someone is taking off of work, it's usually them. And don't get me wrong, I do suspect men have stepped up a great deal, but if you step up to do all the fun work, and a lot of the work which doesn't require any kind of interfacing with these frustrating system or calendar/administrative calendar keeping, and the assumption is that your schedule is more sacred than hers...yeah, a lot of women are rightly feeling like their men aren't truly involved parents even if their men are changing diapers, are playing, are feeding their kids, etc. The bulk of the labor especially the worst labor still often falls to women.And this extends into the administrative couple realm/ social couple realm. Men have stepped up greatly, while still often failing to again, engage with these frustrating system, engage with the frustrating planning process and social calendar keeping. Similarly, a lot of the women are handling health insurance, home improvement contractors, car mechanics, and other such tasks that most of us want to rip our hair out over.

The second prong is often in the depth of the efforts and how compatible and complementary they are to the woman. More men cook for sure, but if those meals are unhealthy microwave junk food or slapped together slop...I mean the cooking thing is lovely, but it's not really what women mean if those same women are planning healthy, delicious, diet conscious, pleasant meals which represent effort. This is similar to the rest of housework. A lot of it just isn't at the standard most women think of when they say clean, or tidy, or orderly, or pleasant. There's a pervasive sense of "good enough" happening that falls short of what feels equitable, fair, decent, and loving. A lot of men also try to skate out of things by focusing on what meets their own standards rather than reaching for the kind of standard a woman would find comfortable. And again, I don't think a man has to be evil for any of this, I think he just has to be living in his own default brain space and not being considerate.

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2024-03-04T19:40:42+00:00

I actually left my ex husband over this. It contributes MASSIVELY.

Zabadoodude · 2024-03-04T19:19:12+00:00

What you describe is definitely an issue in some relationships, but there's also a related dynamic I see in many dysfunctional couples where the wife will unilaterally decide what tasks need to be done, then gets frustrated that her husband does not "pull his weight" doing the tasks he thinks don't need to be done in the first place.

Couples that work well together as a team are good at negotiating and compromising on what needs to be done, and how their time is prioritised.

DolphinPunkCyber · 2024-03-04T18:13:37+00:00

One major change that I’ve observed is that Millennial men do far, far more housework and childcare than men in prior years. Still, their wives are equally as unhappy with them, if not more so.

Their complaints have shifted from unfair distribution of housework and childcare responsibilities to unfair distribution of emotional labor, or some other arbiter of perceived inequity.

wheartv · 2024-03-04T20:54:36+00:00

Well, I grew up with a mother that thought cooking lasagna was as taxing as power washing a house using a ladder or shoveling deep wet snow (you know, typical man work).

So I just don’t care.

relish5k · 2024-03-04T18:25:03+00:00

Any parenting subreddit, except for those that are explicitly male oriented,* is a de facto space where women complain about their husband's lack of effort at home, and correctly surmise that they are effectively single mothers, and that their lives would be easier if they no longer shared a home with their husbands. It's sad. I don't think people should walk out on a marriage, but like c'mon guys. Don't make it so appealing.

*or maybe those for lesbians

mrs_seng · 2024-03-04T17:58:57+00:00

This is my experience as well, although my mother had the same job with the same amount of hours and the same pay as my father. Yet, my father was so lazy he wouldn't change a lightbulb.

This behaviour was very common and it's no longer accepted by women. About god damn time.

EulenWatcher · 2024-03-04T18:33:08+00:00

There was this study showing that married women have the least amount of free time compared to the other groups of mothers although one would expect that they'd have it more equally divided between them and their partners. So...yeah, I can see how chores and childcare division can lead to a divorce.

LoopyPro · 2024-03-04T18:36:30+00:00

Nor shouldn't women dismiss the idea that an unequal distribution of paying the bills contributes to men feeling taken advantage of when they are still expected to do half of the housework and childcare.

Sharp_Platform8958 · 2024-03-04T18:58:04+00:00

I'm all for splitting the chores but my wife is a disaster. 50/50 cleaning when the mess is 90/10 is really annoying. I've ever seen anyone destroy a room the way she can.

GlobeUnited · 2024-03-04T19:17:58+00:00

The Boomer moms had it pretty bad: you must get a job, but the division of labor in the home will not change at all. Not surprised that this resulted in a lot of divorce.

I think as you go down from there through the generations, marriages are getting more equal. There will always be different tasks assigned to each gender, respectively, as a general rule, but hopefully, in total, things will be closer to evening out.

But yes, I do think if the husband refuses to help out around the house when the woman is also working could bode poorly for the marriage. For one thing, a continuously exhausted wife is far less likely to be an enthusiastic partner in the bedroom, and that can contribute to the deterioration of the marriage.

Radiant_Specific6542 · 2024-03-04T20:53:25+00:00

This just fall under the umbrella of lack of communication.

My wife does all the household chores, and will do the brunt of childcare. In return, she literally doesn't have to work a job for the rest of her life (nor does she want to). However, this was discussed long before marriage. We know our roles, and are happy to play them.

Any couple in the situation either:

A. Never discussed roles, meaning both parties are "assuming"

B. They discussed the roles, didn't agree on it, and got married anyway.

C. They discussed the roles, agreed, and the guy pulled a bait & switch.

I'd argue the overwhelming majority is A&B. There's not a large scale "men are assuming" dilemma. There's a lack of communication between couples delimma (bitching at your partner isn't communicating).

Mysterious-Floor-909 · 2024-03-05T11:00:50+00:00

Is there any research supporting that claim?

Whiskeymyers75 · 2024-03-05T15:45:36+00:00

A lot of women create a whole lot of unnecessary housework. Crazy how much more carefree my life is single and inviting them over for the night instead of living with a household terrorist.

treadmarks · 2024-03-04T20:32:49+00:00

Wow, this thread is just a bunch of women circle... uhh, preaching to the choir.

I'll just speak to my personal situation. I make 6 figures and live independently. I would want either 0 or 1 kids so I'd be able to support the whole family. I think the ideal arrangement is for the father to fully finance the family and the mother stays home. I also work from home though so I'd undoubtedly be involved anyway.

One thing I know for sure though... as someone who has lived alone for a long time and done just fine, if someone was whining to me about housework all the time, I'd divorce them.

Siliconmage76 · 2024-03-04T22:01:51+00:00

The guys I all.know work 12-14 hrs doing construction, roofing and other hard trade labor. Sometimes worse hours. How is he supposed to split housework except on his few days off a month when he is exhausted walking in the door?

SteveSan82 · 2024-03-04T23:30:22+00:00

I did housework and my wife treated me badly. When I stopped doing housework, her behavior improved.

Soul_vaccine · 2024-03-04T20:02:48+00:00

I think ladies have a tendency to minimize and underestimate the work of their partners because of an awareness of past inequality in the area.

I’m not saying it’s not still a problem. I just think it only a problem if it is a problem and you should be honest with yourself about exactly how much you do and how much your partner does.

abaxeron · 2024-03-04T20:05:56+00:00

Chores and child care load dynamic on mothers and fathers:

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2013/03/SDT-2013-03-Modern-Parenthood-27.png

Divorce rates:

https://www.3cfamilyservices.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/divorce-rates.jpg

Unequal distribution of housework/childcare does seem to contribute to divorces. Negatively.

Can we now examine what part of women's typical behavior contributes to men's substance abuse and anger issues? Or is it gaslighting and victim-blaming?

PFCthrowAwayMTL · 2024-03-04T19:28:10+00:00

Lot of the time the man today does 50% of the housework, is also the only breadwinner, and the woman still complains

Barneysparky · 2024-03-04T18:33:46+00:00

I just read the other day Gen X men are doing 11 times the childcare previous generations did.

No wonder why divorce rates are going down! Those who don't get with the program won't have families.

Safinated · 2024-03-04T18:22:41+00:00

Why not? It’s been working for them so far. That’s exactly why you see and hear all this complaining — because women are still putting up with it

TheGreatBeefSupreme · 2024-03-04T18:25:38+00:00

The best data we have from the US shows that when childcare, domestic chores, and paid labor are all tallied together, men work slightly more hours than women do in total.

It’s women’s perception that men aren’t doing enough work that makes them unhappy. It’s just that their perception is incorrect.

RoyalGovernment3034 · 2024-03-04T19:25:03+00:00

It absolutely leads to divorce. No question at all.

lastoflast67 · 2024-03-05T00:05:11+00:00

I think many men just put so much emphasis on their job (even if it's just a mediocre job) that they don't want to do anything outside of that.

Firstly to this day male breadwinner marriages out number equal and female breadwinner ones combined with the median breakdown of earnings in these marriages being $96k for the husband and $30k for the wife.

So its actually entirely reasonable for most men to be unwilling to do more then 1/4 of the house work when there wives are earning 1/4 of the family income.

Semisonic · 2024-03-04T22:53:52+00:00

TBH I do way more around the house than my SO does, and seeing this idiotic fucking talking point parroted over and over again on the internet just reminds me how out of touch and damaging this propaganda is.

I’m 40. Most of the women I’ve dated for the last 20+ years haven’t done anywhere near as much work around their/our house as I do. It’s not a close race. I am also pretty fucking successful and have historically out earned most of these women by 2-10x. So it’s not like they are super successful career women bringing in anything close to/more than I make either. What Gen X and Boomer feminists have done is indoctrinate Millennial, Gen Z, and younger women that doing basically anything around the house is bad, and that they’re all beautiful unique temporarily embarrassed princesses too good to regularly get their hands dirty with dishes, laundry, yard work, etc. Even getting them to clean up their own messes (or their pets messes), take care of their vehicles, do their own laundry and maybe sweep/mop/clean a bathroom once a month is a chore. Hell, I’ve seen grown ass women who struggle with basic hygiene! And if a man wants them to, I don’t know, carry some of their fucking load in life? They’ve got EZ mode culturally reinforced cope to fall back on. “Zomg what a misogynist he just longs for the old days when women were barefoot and pregnant bangmaids and blah blah blah”.

Meanwhile most younger women are useless and lazy as fuck, and the men in your lives are just trying to cope with the cultural hand they’ve been dealt. Some go MGTOW/blackpill, some go abroad, some try to make it work and begin the long/slow journey of reversing your brainwashing and trying to teach you how to be a worthwhile partner.

But by all means, let’s have another of these dumb fuck threads tomorrow. 🙄

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2024-03-05T02:05:47+00:00

My dad used to be active when I was small but then scaled back on housework (because was old enough to do it). Then he realized he could pay half the bills and can contribute nothing to food or household things. Then eventually stopped giving my mom money altogether. He became a real waste of space. All my mom would do is yell and pick up his slack.

He still doesn’t understand why they’re not together anymore.

sixsevenrice · 2024-03-05T14:02:57+00:00

Or women are just hypergamous.

Comprehensive-Bed35 · 2024-03-06T00:48:48+00:00

What a shame for you to not realize how entitled and ridiculous it is to expect husbands to not only take up 100% of the financial responsibility, but to also take up equal portion of the domestic responsibilities without any consideration to the fact that this is blatant wife abuse— by the wife, demanding that the husband do more to make things easier for her—without any acknowledgment that she is not running off to the work force to help him provide for the family.

And as a man who took the homemaker role for 2 1/2 years after I lost my job, I can assure any human alive that being a homemaker, even to the fullest affect, such as doing everything home/kids related, is nowhere near as horrible as having to go off to the fucking workforce 40 to 50 hours a week. My wife had to learn that the hard way, and to this very day she will stand firm on any woman who wants to bitch about house work, that being the sole financial provider is FAR FAR FAR worse than having to do anything involving kids, house work, cleaning, cooking etc!

Do you hear yourself?!?!??

Spyro7x3 · 2024-03-04T18:04:10+00:00

What you’re forgetting is that a spoiled rich kid can feel broke if his trust fund gets cut off. People can FEEL all sorts of things that aren’t true especially if they’re spoiled

Anyone can FEEL like they’re being mistreated when they actually aren’t

No_Mammoth8801 · 2024-03-04T19:26:27+00:00

I don't dismiss it at all. I've seen it happen and I'm a man. But at times it feels like we are putting the cart before the horse depending on the type of male audience.

My issue, and perhaps the reason why so many men don't acknowledge it to the extent women would like, is when people try integrating the bang-maid narrative into the "male loneliness crisis" narrative. As if the reason men are struggling to find women to date is some sort of comeuppance for men's failure to be good partners. Personally, I find it to be reductive and a bit of psycho revenge fantasy.

Men struggle with dating for a variety of individualistic reasons. If a man is struggling with dating, as many men here seem to be, he is not even at the point where he can prove his worth as a domestic partner. Men should practice good domestic habits while they're single (cooking, cleaning, personal hygiene) so that it translates into being a good partner, IF they're in a relationship. If.

I guess my point is to know your audience. There is probably a large group of men that need to hear what you're saying. But men in online spaces skew younger and more autistic. Shouting at these men to be better domestic partners is like shouting at a middle schooler for not knowing how to differentiate/integrate when they haven't even passed algebra.

Mental_Leek_2806 · 2024-03-05T00:10:51+00:00

Honestly this whole debate might be losing relevance entirely. Young millennial and older Gen Z men have truly adapted to these new expectations for men. The ones I know are very much competent/self sufficient - neat, able to cook, strong social networks, etc. I believe that the ones who want children will be great, hands on dads. As a millenial/gen z cusp woman I'm honestly impressed with the guys around me.

Alienziscoming · 2024-03-04T19:55:07+00:00

I feel like the answer to so many relationship problems is having clearly communicated and mutually understood/agreed upon expectations of one another. Housework, childcare, income, splitting expenses, weddings, children, vacations, date night, sex, lazy sunday plans, what's for dinner, who's cooking, any kind of boundaries... it goes on and on and on.

You make a diligent and honest effort to clearly communicate, and then if an agreement can't be reached on things you consider deal-breakers, you move on.

Of course, this all goes out the window when you're dealing with someone who's dishonest, deceptive, manipulative, lacks self-awareness or is profoundly selfish lol.

tadL · 2024-03-04T23:13:58+00:00

The more equal male and female became the more female initiate divorce. Explain that to me. Thank you.

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2024-03-04T18:34:07+00:00

Women shouldn't dismiss so quickly the idea that the man works more hours in his job on average which is why he has less time to contribute to the household.

Dry_Personality7194 · 2024-03-04T19:04:02+00:00

Wife and I try to look at how much time each of us has available to spend on our hobbies as a better indication of sharing work. So me spending 3 hours commuting since that landed me a job earning 3-4x more counts as “housework” or perhaps more like “hours towards family”.

Then again on days where I can work from home it’s expected that I spend the time I save from not commuting on whatever has to be done around the house.

Honestly I have no idea how you can avoid the children. Neither of them care if I’m doing a chore, they will participate however they can. Like moving clothes from one pile to another and then back again. Keeps them busy and they seem proud of their work.

But! My wife has some friends I really can’t stand. Their husbands has pretty intensive jobs where mistakes have serious consequences. They on the other hand have jobs where it’s not unusual spending several hours each day on coffee breaks, going out for hour long lunch at whatever the new place is. Heck they even get their hair and nails done on company time.

Yet they still think it’s only “fair” that their husbands should pick up 50% of the household chores. Even on weeks when they are working 15 hours overtime.

People need to understand that work is different in how much effort they take out of you and take that into account when deciding how much labor each part is contributing.

dabbydab · 2024-03-04T19:34:23+00:00

Honestly I think it is kind of a nonsense debate when it's mostly woe-is-me guys who have never lived romantically with a woman and don't have a peer group old enough to have started divorcing talking about why marriages fail

DarayRaven · 2024-03-04T18:42:31+00:00

I think many men just put so much emphasis on their job (even if it's just a mediocre job) that they don't want to do anything outside of that.

World fallacy nonsense 🙄

This is just the typical "daddy didn't give me enough attention" rant

YtBlue · 2024-03-04T18:31:04+00:00

Men dismiss it because when you try it, it doesn't work. If equal housework=sex and no headache. Trust me, there wouldn't be any problem. Women just need something to displace their own feelings on why they don't feel the relationship spark anymore.

izoldetales · 2024-03-04T20:02:59+00:00

Men actually put more hours in chores and work combined than women . just saying😂😂😂

SlowEffective8146 · 2024-03-04T19:58:14+00:00

I don't think that it doesn't contribute, I just don't care. If a man makes more money than you, or you don't work at all, then you do more chores. It's fucking simple.

PPD_Mods_Are_Losers · 2024-03-04T19:14:44+00:00

ITT: a bunch of rando losers on Reddit “””debating””” each other using only their own personal anecdotal experiences as “””proof””” 🤡

spanglesandbambi · 2024-03-04T18:59:37+00:00

The issue here is the blame game which we can see in the comments men making excuses and doing yeah but this and yeah but that have accountability like if you want to have a house and be a dad fucking step up it's not hard.

JR-5422 · 2024-03-05T00:57:21+00:00

Why are women marrying these men if, first of all, it’s important for them to be with someone who helps out around the house, and second, these men don’t do that? I don’t know to what extent this problem contributes to divorces, but there is a simple solution for the women: Marry men who will help out, if it is so important to you. I have no opinion on whether men “should” do such and such around the house or elsewhere. I think each couple can sit down and decide these things in private. But if these women date, marry, and have children with these men, I can only assume these men sufficiently meet their standards. If the women then decide to divorce the men because of who they have been all along, I can only assume the women made a mistake.

Da_Famous_Anus · 2024-03-05T05:19:00+00:00

I work, cook, clean, do all my own chores, have done so for years, have a great place in a major city, I always get compliments, people ask if I hire a maid, I don’t. Single. Have not even gotten a whiff of a date in years.

This issue is either disingenuous clean shaming, or you’re picking the wrong dudes from the very beginning, or you’re picking the right dudes when it comes to other things but you expect them to do and be everything for you. Simple as that.

TheDerInDisorder · 2024-03-05T08:46:21+00:00

Don't let the door hit you on the way out, lazy cunt. Divorce is the best thing that can happen to a married man, so let the dishes stack.

FateMeetsLuck · 2024-03-05T11:45:09+00:00

Men should also just let relationships develop naturally and in accordance with the wishes of both themselves and their consenting partner(s) instead of trying to live a LARP invented by questionably funded far-right influencers in defiance of actual reality and how human interaction is supposed to work. And if it doesn't work out, develop the emotional maturity and life wisdom to handle things gracefully as a responsible citizen of a vast cosmos, not acting out as a toddler denied ice cream.

boom-wham-slam · 2024-03-05T16:29:42+00:00

Idk anything about divorce but you get more sex, respect, and easier to deal with woman when you do not do that stuff. If my girl asks me to clean the table I just go get ice cream and make a bigger mess and leave more out. I'm no woman or pee to sit man. Get the fuck out with that shit.

LovesGettingRandomPm · 2024-03-05T19:04:02+00:00

There's no universal rule to a good marriage, some couples are just good at sharing responsibility and communication, some of them are capable of finding a back and forth, in essence I find that a lot of successful couples are able to mitigate frustrations effortlessly through where they are as a person. It doesn't have to be a 50/50 as long as you make it work and you are able to de-escalate through humor, compassion or otherwise, you'll have a stable marriage, after that you just have to make it not boring.

ArmchairDesease · 2024-03-07T11:57:42+00:00

Continuous communication between partners is the only important thing here. You cannot theoretically decide on paper who should do what. There are too many ambiguities and unquantifiable contributions.

Just to give a couple of examples:

Contribution to housework by itself means very little. What it matters is the overall contribution to the well-being of the family. That should be equal between partners.

Earning money contributes to that well-being (indeed, I dare say, it's the indispensable foundation of it). Thus, if partner A earns more than partner B by virtue of working longer hours, this means that partner B is contributing unequally to the family on the economic front.

To compensate for this, it is normal to expect B to do more housework than A (e.g., 25/75 instead of 50/50).

What is "domestic work" exactly?

If I am in a workplace, my job is well defined. I have duties, responsibilities and accountability. For example, I might be penalized and reprimanded by my boss for prioritizing less important tasks.

But in housework--who decides what needs to be done? What if partner A believes that painting curtains is of paramount importance, but partner B disagrees? Should A's work still be considered a valuable contribution to the family?

Element_Girl · 2024-03-04T19:45:43+00:00

Don't forget emotional labor

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cromulent_weasel · 2024-03-04T19:57:28+00:00

I think many men just put so much emphasis on their job (even if it's just a mediocre job) that they don't want to do anything outside of that.

Speaking as a man who was (and still is) VERY involved with their children, while also being the primary income earner for over 16 years, what women say they want and what they actually want don't always line up.

When I was home I was the primary parent. I drove cooking dinner, I put the kids through their bedtime routines and read them stories, I took them the whole weekend.

Almost all of my memories of me doing stuff as a kid was with my mom alone.

Right, and that sounds like a tragedy. But what was your father doing in that time? There's a big difference between 'he worked long hours' and 'he was drinking with his buddies all saturday'. There's a division of labour thing between men and women raising children and often if the man isn't the provider, he's not holding up his end of the contract. So maybe you should value the money he brought in a little higher than you do?

DreaminInChocolate · 2024-03-04T23:50:03+00:00

My boyfriend is involved with the childcare and housework when he's home. It's split 50/50 or as close as possible. He cooks and l clean up the dishes. One of baths the toddlers and the other dries them off and gets on their pajamas. Parenting is a team effort.

his_purple_majesty · 2024-03-05T00:14:30+00:00

In my family my dad did everything, including work full time, and my mom freaked out and cursed the universe because she had to make a fruit salad once a week.

lostatlifecoach · 2024-03-04T23:04:14+00:00

I think a lot of women over estimate what they do and under estimate what the man is doing. This does lead to divorce.

WilliamWyattD · 2024-03-04T21:02:20+00:00

I think a key reality check is whether, if Mom has to go on a business trip or go to hospital for a bit or whatever, she needs to make some huge letter or not explaining to Dad what to do, who to call, who has what appointment, where, when, etc.?

How many men who work roughly the same hours as t heir wives at work, and who even put in as many hours at home, are TRUE Co-CEOs of the family? Do they know the vaccination schedule? Do they Tammy's new 'Best Friend' that is teaching her bad habits and she is supposed to stay away from? Do they know Tommy has been failing math and needs to study for the next test extra hard?

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hearyoume14 · 2024-03-04T19:47:42+00:00

Part of it depends on your job. Dad mainly worked as a manager of some sort in retail, and Mom still works at her office job. She often had more flexibility and at times was closer to our schools. Sometimes, we barely saw either of them because Dad would have to go in to replace someone. Mom shows love through material things, and she's a workaholic like her family. She also had severe depressive episodes.

We'd usually cleaned the communal spaces together even when my sibling and I were young. There are also chores we prefer doing.I'd rather scrub a toilet than vacuum.

iloveyouall00 · 2024-03-04T19:55:39+00:00

What jobs did your Mum and Dad do? How much did they earn? How many hours per week did they work?

ndngroomer · 2024-03-04T20:02:58+00:00

This is so important that so many men on this sub don't understand. Marriage is an equal partnership. So . Any men do exactly what you said then are oblivious to why they have a dead bedroom. It's really not that hard. It's sometimes really just this simple to have a good marriage. I've been happily married for 20 years because I treat my wife as an equal partner and contribute equally to household work and parental responsibilities. The other important thing to do is to actively engage in your partners life and listen to them when they are speaking. Ask them how they are doing, etc. But so many men on this thread are so GD entitled and are too ignorant to understand this then get mad at women for not wanting to date or marry them.

ellixe · 2024-03-04T23:32:13+00:00

They want a traditional wife that gives them the benefit of being able to sit and watch tv after work while the woman helps him provide for the basic needs and do the chores.

Mental_Leek_2806 · 2024-03-04T23:52:18+00:00

We can go in circles all day about chores but the sheer amount of men here who are arguing that they shouldn't "have to" parent their kids equally is wild. How can someone claim to want children and think like that? Why don't you want to be involved in your kid's extracurriculars, to know about their friends and any emotional issues in their life? I know my dad didn't fully pull his weight in terms of managing the household but he was very hands on with children and it was clear how much he loved us. (My parents work in the same white collar field, same number of hours. I'm from a culture that strongly values women's education and career, and also tends to have high expectations for fathers.)

quora_redditadddict · 2024-03-05T22:49:13+00:00

Men want 50/50 except when it comes to divorce.

NamelessOfCatarina · 2024-03-04T19:30:15+00:00

I don’t think this leads to most divorces it probably accelerates the process of a girl talking herself out if love when the guy isn’t a competent leader, but in reality it’s just basically women are never happy at any end of the relationship and then they go to a couples therapy so she can say "we tried everything and nothing worked. but i really want to go to vegas." Also, women can be extremely obnoxious and start nagging and make house chores to an adversarial battle even if everything is actually fine and most guys lack tge skills to set boundaries and let her walk all over him. For example i clean everything up to my own standards, if she has a problem with it she can do it herself.

If you always date deadbeat men then your type is deadbeat guy, but that’s on you to figure out how to fix those patterns how to attract yourself on guys who have their shit together.

educatedkoala · 2024-03-04T20:31:16+00:00

When one partner doesn't do any housework without the other one telling them it needs to be done and when, it builds up. It simply does not matter if you two agreed to this dynamic or not -- when cleaning up after a partner feels the same as cleaning up after a child, you're going to feel like your partner is a child and lose attraction. The constant mental state of remembering to buy more X, to change out the Y, etc. is exhausting to do for the household.

Title	Men shouldn't dismiss so quickly the idea that unequal distribution of housework/childcare contributes to divorces
Author	Novel-Tip-7570
Upvotes	124
Comments	431
Date	March 4, 2024 5:56 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1b6hfjt/men_shouldnt_dismiss_so_quickly_the_idea_that/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-shouldnt-dismiss-so-quickly-the-idea-that.1426583 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426583

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