"Most men are bad/selfish in bed"

FebruaryEightyNine · 2024-10-02T14:21:14+00:00

She could be kicking and screaming and some guys could still get off

Bruh.

💀

mineurownbiz · 2024-10-02T13:11:32+00:00

You are nearly correct when you say "no one teaches you this stuff." There is one person you have to learn from, and that is the person you are currently having sex with. Being "good at sex" doesn't require mountains of knowledge and experience (though it couldn't hurt), it requires being attentive to your partner. You try different things, and when something makes them gasp and convulse, keep doing that thing. Remember that thing for later. Try going a little faster or slower, softer or harder and seeing what that does to their body language. THAT is the skill, reading their enjoyment of what you're doing.

With experience (whether thats many times with one partner or several partners) you will build up a list of "moves" to rotate through when you sleep with someone new (or someone old for the thousandth time).

More concretely though, what kinds of "moves" are we talking about here? I notice in another comment you said you were talking about "the actual act of sex. not blowjobs." And this, I believe, touches on why women often have the view that men are "bad/selfish in bed." If you just consider sex to be penetration where you pound away until one or both of you cum, then you are probably going to leave some women unsatisfied. I'm not going to pretend to understand every aspect of the complaint that men are selfish in bed...but as I understand it, a big part of that is men tend to rush through foreplay. Or straight up refusing to do any foreplay besides a little smooching. Quickies aside, you should treat the entire process of foreplay with as much care and attention as the act of penetration itself. Or more – try making her cum before you even go for penetration, then I doubt she will call you selfish in bed.

krackedy · 2024-10-02T12:39:39+00:00

Sex is absolutely not enjoyable if the woman just lays there and does nothing. I'd never have sex with a woman again if she didn't put effort into it.

I'm bi. Giving blowjobs isn't exactly "easy" either. Your jaw gets sore, it can take ages for some guys to cum, and cum tastes gross.

Both partners need to be putting in effort to make the other person feel good. It doesn't have to be a chore to make a woman cum. It should be fun to learn how.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-10-02T14:57:28+00:00

Edit 3: Interesting to see that there's about a 50/50 divide in the upvote ratio. Perhaps across gender lines

It’s your refusal to listen, while simultaneously demanding that women tell men how to cause an orgasm.

TheCounsellingGamer · 2024-10-02T17:18:32+00:00

Obviously, I'm speaking only for myself, but when I say a man is selfish in bed, I don't mean that he didn't get me off. I mean that he did things that caused me physical pain. Like going straight for penetration before I'm ready and causing me to tear or going too deep/fast to the point that it causes pain in my cervix. For a while, in my mind, bad sex was sex that caused severe pain, and good sex was sex that only hurt a little bit. It wasn't until I met my current partner, and he took the time to prioritise my enjoyment, that I started to think of good sex as sex that feels good.

mangey_mango · 2024-10-02T17:00:00+00:00

It's creepy that you keep referring to women as "girls."

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-10-02T13:21:25+00:00

All these issues go away with three simple things: foreplay, patience and communication. And communication does not just mean verbal, it means listen to her body and let her guide you to keep doing the things she’s enjoying.

As for “well they will say a lot of men are bad at sex” good: let them. Be the shining example and let your reputation be the “good lover” and notice how ladies want to enjoy what that’s like.

Sorcha16 · 2024-10-02T13:29:19+00:00

She could be kicking and screaming and some guys could still get off

Vile as shit. What rapists get off to isn't relevant to most men. The vast majority of men want a willing partner who's actually engaging in sex.

Plus-Opportunity8541 · 2024-10-02T17:27:57+00:00

Men think women are bad at sex too. A lot of the population sucks at sex. Difference is, men don't complain about it because then they wouldn't get it. If a woman tells a dude he sucks at sex, that won't mean he'll never do it again. Hell, he might even try to improve. You tell a woman she sucks at sex...good luck trying to get sex again.

Affectionate_Cat1512 · 2024-10-02T12:55:22+00:00

It's fun if both parties are active. I've had sex with girls who were just laying and honestly I would rather jack off.

But my biggest "problem" is the lack of communication from them. Me: so, what do you like in bed Her: I don't know

Me: do you like it when I'm doing it like that? Her: I don't know

Me: you prefer the tongue or fingers? Her: I don't know

..............😶

Gilmoregirlin · 2024-10-02T13:22:13+00:00

In my experience the men who are bad in bed and those that refuse to take direction and listen. They try to engage in sex that they witnessed in porn, do what their ex liked or do what they enjoy thinking women will also enjoy that. You just have to listen to be good in bed, with limited exceptions.

-royalmilktea- · 2024-10-02T17:28:36+00:00

No one teaches that stuff in school, but there's a ton of information out there on getting better in bed for anyone who cares to look for it.

Also, I'm a woman but have done some topping with a strap-on, and it's definitely a lot of work. It's different from men topping in piv because I don't even directly get a lot of pleasure from it. However, I feel like it's trivial to be better at it than some men are. Giving a shit about the other person's experience, being willing to work for another person's pleasure, and paying attention to the other person's reactions are required for good topping. Great topping comes with educating yourself about it, learning very good sexual communication, and experience, but people aren't generally complaining about good-but-not-great.

Topping well is harder than bottoming well. It's just the mechanics of the situation. It's not fair, but it is what it is. Tops have a more intensive role in sex. You can try bottoming or go solo if you don't want to be in that role. And I hope you'll go solo or bottom if you don't want to put in the effort to be a good top.

xxTheMagicBulleT · 2024-10-02T17:56:29+00:00

I think both sides can be very selfish.

I have also meet many women that don't realy bring much in the bed room often just laying down and want to be pleased. And dead fish lying on the bed.

Me as a men that enjoys forplay more then the sex it self. Honestly get quite turned off when the other side is not realy into giveing back. And just want to be pleased but not doing any pleasing them selfs.

So I think it often does happen both ways but cause I'm straight and only with girls I have definitely had my fair share of boring bedroom experiences.

And people in general can be quite selfish in there seek for plesure and release. That they are not really busy with the enjoyment of there partner. And I think cause people are more selfish in the bedroom it creates in time as the relationship last longer and longer more dead bedroom that just sex and being intimate at all becomes less and less.

There many realy great people that are kind and sweet in normal day to day that can be really selfish lovers in the bedroom.

What often does make people love there day to day live a lot. But start looking for there sexual needs being met. Cheating is never ok. But it does happen cause of it. No matter what wants and needs you have if you don't have them meet long enough. People will start looking to have there needs meet. That's a simple fact it being a few months or a few years. It will happen.

Why being a good person. But also being a good lover. Is important to have a long term relationship. Being selfish in normal life or in the bedroom. Will make your partner look somewhere else in time. People have needs that they need to have meet and that goes both ways.

I dont think that's a guy or girl thing. It's a everyone thing.

marchingrunjump · 2024-10-02T19:50:01+00:00

Sex without reciprocity and some degree of enthusiasm is not enjoyable to me.

Mobile_Nothing_1686 · 2024-10-02T21:29:28+00:00

I'm not someone who says this so I don't know how heavy my opinion on the issue even matters. This fits in line with the common sayings of "women don't know what they want" and "men don't listen". It's not a one-sided issue. Ladies you gotta speak up if you're not enjoying it, tell them what you like, heck some guys get off just by taking the lead/telling them what to do. And guys... for the love of everything holy or unholy, listen to her; sex will be exponentially better if both parties lose their minds.

OscarTheHusky · 2024-10-02T14:10:36+00:00

Girls don't have the burden or pressure to perform in the same way a man does. That's something to consider.

Yes, there is simply way more pressure and expectation for men during sex to get hard reach the climax, women do not feel the need to do anything if they don't want but men are usually more pressured to do so and suck it up, women can virtually do nothing in bed and just lay there and trust me a lot of them do that, some men won't care (not saying it's a good thing).

Gravel_Roads · 2024-10-02T12:56:14+00:00

I think the reason so many people call men "bad in bed" is that if a woman doesn't want to have sex, but thinks YOU want to have sex (either because you've said as much, or because she assumes you do), and she likes you, she'll ... y'know. Try to let you have sex with her, where she isn't really into it and... the man just takes the opportunity and never seems to notice or care if she's enjoying it.

Obviously, this is a prejudice to believe, because there are millions of men who WOULDN'T take that opportunity.

But the reason people say this about men is because the men who WOULD take that opportunity tend to be really loud about it... especially if they've never had sex before, and would take ANY opportunity without thinking about what it would actually be like to fuck a woman who's just passively "letting you".

If a woman is laying there not responding, it's just a fact that she's "not good at sex".

But if a man climbs on top of her and fucks her anyway, he's ALSO not good at sex.

No one should be having "duty sex", this is how you end up in situations like this.

A1Dilettante · 2024-10-02T13:21:40+00:00

For a guy, sex is a performance and he has to know how to perform. For a woman, she just has to be there.

Be there and look pretty while the man performs on your body without a fucking clue.. uh huh.

Teaching and learning are genuine skills you bring into sex, whether people are aware or not. A woman not guiding her partner on what she likes and expecting him to know what to do beyond basic consent is a lousy lover. Any man not willing to learn from, listen to, or guide their partner is just as bad --especially when they're aware of their incompetence.

Sex is a dance you create and perform tailored to each other's liking TOGETHER. You don't get good sex or dancing without learning or solid instruction.

Ikem32 · 2024-10-02T13:33:57+00:00

Did you ever get the "starfish" with a girl?

Noonecares_duh · 2024-10-02T13:54:15+00:00

I only have sex with one person, so i can't generalize men. Im also an asian woman if this is what OP interests.

But the first two years of having sex for me was...bad.

I never cum once, and i did bj on my first sex. I told him "it's still hurt, but i can handle it" cause i was a virgin and thought sex was supposed to hurt for women.

He kept not believing me that i could be hurt after not being a virgin anymore for a long time. He thought i did "seduce talk" and "lying" for mood, or i am a dramaqueen that whines about anything. Since other women never said this to him.

He told me before dating that bring pleasure to his partner (he has a lot of experience) is what turn him on and yet he never try to make me cum. He always cum and leave me. We almost decided that my body is just broken.

I felt like that for 2 years. That my vagina is wrong. My body is wrong. It's still hurt and i never cum. I thought it's my porn addictions or something.

Then one day he had sex with me normal and there was blood which is not my period come out, he brought me to hospital, and after that, he beliving me when i said im hurt.

Before this incident, he also rarely do foreplay for me while i bj him almost everytime, sometimes i just bj him without getting anything at all (no cuddle, no finger me, just me providing the service then he went back to his pc or sleep.)

I also asked him a lot what he would like me to do etc. And offer if he has any kinks or fetish but he never out right say so. Even go so far as public sex even i was uncomfortable.

I also a part of the problem since i was a virgin, and only slept with this guy, so i dont know what i want or need. I did say "i dont know" a lot but i also said "let's try".

So, anyway, after the hospital, sex for me is much better. I know now i dont need to be hurt during sex at all. At least not unwanted pain. I still cant cum most of the time (might be porn addiction, i love reading porn, not watching. And i have extreme fetishes that i wouldn't try in real life).

Like i said i cant generalize men due through lacking or comparison. But i believe, here the different of what women talking about. The old him doesn't give a single thought about me. The new him tries.

Even today i would say, i dont get much from sex (but at least no pain HOOREY!) But i am willing to pleasure my partner without me getting to cum. Giving bf without wanting sex is a normal thing for me.

What i meant to say here, for me , it is not about a guy bad at sex but more like he doesn't care. This guy is still my only guy, and he surely doesn't get better or worse at sex in general. He just eventually cares, and i wasn't hurt anymore.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2024-10-02T12:52:25+00:00

I have met loads of men who are amazing in bed. I don’t get all this men and bad etc

doggiedoc2004 · 2024-10-02T19:19:49+00:00

As a general rule, if you want to be thought of as "good in bed" by most women, it's simple -- there is a whole book on it. "she cums first." This should be the motto of every male lover. Often if she cums first, maybe she can cum again! Most of us consider THE WHOLE experience as "sex" while you, I believe, are just thinking of PIV. This is a big disconnect. b/c a lot of us cum from foreplay or with PIV PLUS stimulation of our clit/nipples etc. A lot of women cannot orgasm from PIV alone and if a lady walks out of an experience without an O or good foreplay...guess what category of lover the dude goes in!?

Gals that just lay there and expect a performance are not doing themselves any favors and I agree, are prob not good in bed unless that's the kink the couple likes. A lot of women, esp without a lot of experience, do not even know what they like OR ARE TOO SHY to verbalize

Good lovers of either sex use good verbal and non verbal communication. Good lovers may employ toys, lots of foreplay, lube, role play.

Lightinthebottle7 · 2024-10-03T07:59:05+00:00

I think there is a difference in perspective based on a lot of things, among them a difference imposed by culture.

So, to be good in bed, is much more than...being physically good. It requires a certain level of empathy, attentiveness and good communication skills, things where men are often lacking for one reason or another (discouraged or frowned upon traits, often barely communicating with women outside of attempts at relationships etc). For men, sex is often just that. Sex. Meaningless or having very similarly superficial views on what it is. It is not about mutually doing something that both people should enjoy. It is about self-gratification.

To be blunt, men are bad, because they don't communicate and suppress empathy, don't think outside the phyisical boundaries of sex.

logical_instigator · 2024-10-02T13:19:49+00:00

Also, in our defense, no one teaches you this stuff.

Uh, I'd imagine the women being bedded teach them?

Whiskeymyers75 · 2024-10-02T12:47:21+00:00

Responding to your edit. There are girls who can be completely awful in bed. To the point of losing my erection because of it. But I’d be stereotyped as the one who was bad in bed despite an entire resume of women who say otherwise.

Dry_Associate3062 · 2024-10-02T13:06:29+00:00

It is still socially acceptable to shame men for being bad in bed, having a small penis or being a virgin or unable to get laid. Many women toss around the "incel" comment as simple shaming languate. We should be having more of a conversation about why this is acceptable. This is probably what drives the majority of performance anxiety.. to be fair.. men shame other men for it too

KGmagic52 · 2024-10-02T13:25:05+00:00

A lot of women who say this stuff have never had a man be honest with them about their own performance. Men won't tell you you're bad because women's egos can't handle that shit. Women have a lot more options than men, so they don't care about men's ego, hence they feel justified in talking shit about men when they're no better.

A woman will claim you have ED before recognizing that she's just a boring selfish lover.

apresonly · 2024-10-02T12:45:42+00:00

It’s not a debate. The orgasm gap exists.

LoopyPro · 2024-10-02T13:14:40+00:00

There's some accountability to be taken. If you fail to instruct your partner or provide helpful feedback, you can't blame your lack of satisfaction on them.

Solondthewookiee · 2024-10-02T16:32:51+00:00

for the simple fact that, as a girl, sex is pretty much guaranteed to feel good for a man.

This is not remotely true.

For a woman, she just has to be there. Even the worst girl in the world will make a guy orgasm, as long as she has a functioning v*****.

This screams of inexperience and/or terrible views of sex. Like if this is how you feel, why even bother with a woman? Just get a sex doll at that point.

Also, in our defense, no one teaches you this stuff.

You live in a time where you have access to the entire sum of human knowledge in your pocket. When I was a horny teenaged virgin nerd with anxiety about being good in bed, I read hundreds of articles and forum posts about what women like in bed, about oral sex techniques, about how different positions feel for women. Women aren't shy about sharing this information.

Then, when you actually have sex with a woman, you talk to her! You ask her if it feels good, do you like it there, you listen to her moans and how she reacts to things.

Most_Vermicelli9722 · 2024-10-02T16:51:58+00:00

Sex is mostly for men. Their bodies were created to receive pleasure, so they are the default recipients here.

I don’t know if men are bad in bed, maybe it’s more like for us feeling pleasure is not actually that natural. The main sex act, penetration, is just designed for men.

funfacts_82 · 2024-10-03T13:19:18+00:00

i am gonna state the obvious: I absolutely will replace women that suck at sex. Being decent in bed took me years to figrue out and i will not tolerate halfassed shit.

I would suggest guys do the same. Do not put up with shit just because want to get off. rather rub one out in peace than deal with energy vampires.

However that does require figuriing out how to do it yourself. Get help from older men, older women, internet etc. There is no shortage of common knowledge about how to become ebtter in bed.

Able_Meeting_7534 · 2024-10-02T12:52:39+00:00

Women: "teehee, you're not entitled to sex, inc*l! No one owes you sex, sex is a privilege not a right, stop demanding sex, nobody owes you sex, you're not allowed to want sex!"

also women: "REEEEEE WHY CAN'T I CUM? WHY CAN'T I FUCKING CUM? THE PATRIARCHY DID THIS. I AM ENTITLED TO ORGASMS. I AM SO OPRESSED"

Glarus30 · 2024-10-02T12:57:13+00:00

Lol, the overwhelming majority of women can't stay on top for 60 sec before running out of breath. Or can't do BJ for more than 2 min before their jaw hurts.

Women on average are not only more selfish, they are BAD in bed and that's the hard truth. Men just don't tell them, because it will hurt their feelings. Women will deny and use whataboutism and neckbeards will say "nOt aLl wOmeN aRE LiKE thAt!" and other reddit whiteknight crap, but we all know it's true.

Financial_Camp2183 · 2024-10-02T13:10:49+00:00

It's a comical cope:

Let me break it down for those unaware. Don't get me wrong, Id believe a lot of guys are terrible in bed. But the idea every guy somehow doesn't know how to put effort into pleasing his partner is the highest of copes.

What REALLY happens is a woman managed to land a guy way out of her league. The guy sees her as a pump and dump, fucks her, cums, and leaves. The woman thinks "wow he was terrible at sex" but the reality is the guy didn't give a shit about pleasing her. It never even crossed his mind. He knows what to do, he just doesn't want to or feel like doing it for her. He's there to fuck her and leave.

So women keep sleeping with guys out of their league who have a lot of options and don't need to give a shit about the person they're fucking. The women keep thinking guys are terrible at sex, when the reality is the guys they're fucking just do not in the slightest bit care about pleasing them. It's far easier to tell yourself "that guy was bad at sex" rather than "I let some guy use my body to masturbate and then leave"

SaBahRub · 2024-10-02T14:16:40+00:00

And yet lots of women will put up with it, so what’s the incentive to do better ?

Fun_Astronomer_5227 · 2024-10-02T20:12:36+00:00

I know some women who have only ever met selfish lovers, and I know women who have only ever met generous lovers.

I think some people attract certain people.

Likewise with BDSM. Some men never hook up with women who enjoy it, some men only ever meet women who enjoy it.

AwakenTheSavage · 2024-10-02T20:58:36+00:00

“Bad in bed” is ubiquitous, but “good in bed” is also highly subjective

Lower-Director1043 · 2024-10-04T17:56:00+00:00

Men are selfish in bed because most women don't bring nothing to a man's life outside of sex.

SgtRimjob · 2024-10-02T16:03:28+00:00

I've found that most women put in basically no effort. I have theories on why. I mean, a lot of it is simply they don't have to and there is no pressure, like you said. And some of it is just ignorance of their own sexuality/enjoyment due to being ingrained with modesty from a very early age. Some try to break free of that and "explore"... but those stories never end up being about any meaningful self-discovery. It's almost always something like just sleeping with more guys and/or breaking her previous rules about X amounts of time/dates she would wait. And ultimately just starfishes with them too.

I think a lot of it is communication as well. Given the gender dynamics of red pill theory, she doesn't want to have to explicitly state her needs/desires in bed. She wants a Chad to just come along and know for her--that's what a provider and alpha male is supposed to do. And I can kind of understand it in a blue pill way too. We're all playing the lead role in the love story inside our head, and it's not exactly romantic to have to say "I like this/that. Not that way, slow down..."

Ultimately, if she can find a way to communicate indirectly, I'm happy to oblige. Not all of us are selfish lovers who are solely concerned with just ourselves getting off. Some of the best sex I had was when we both got off--it's not a zero sum game. However, many might just lack knowing/caring enough to make it that way. Hell, just a little enthusiasm goes a long way. Otherwise, you're not really given us many options--try a lot of random stuff and try to illicit/read her response, or assume she's a shy lover and get off yourself. In a horny state, most guys are picking the latter.

MistyMaisel · 2024-10-02T19:56:20+00:00

Oh please, women know exactly what it's like to feel required to perform for men. After all, we know that our lack of pleasure or orgasm is likely tied into your ego and that if we don't pretend appropriately, you may become upset or worse. Men tell us all the time we're supposed to enjoy what they do, which means telling us we have to perform for their pleasure. And that if we don't, sex won't be good for you. To say nothing of expectations about how our bodies look or are groomed. To say nothing of the fact we know we'll be expected to submit to many a sex act for your pleasure, not ours and that to refuse is to accept the label of "boring" or pillow princess". And that any attempts we make to alter the physical act will often be met with being pinned or stopped from moving our bodies to influence the situation.

Just being there is far from all that is required of a woman and men simply cannot admit this because to admit it would be to admit how fragile your egos are about this thing and how much you want to have it your way. And how much our pleasure is really about upholding your self image, not our pleasure for the sake of pleasure.

Interesting, because no one teaches women the stuff we do either, but that's not often an excuse for us to not do things. Also interesting that so many men will admit they don't know because they haven't been taught, but yet you all resent being slowed down, told what to do, told it isn't working. I imagine it like driving a car, you guys know you don't know, but you still try to go 90 on suicide turn backroads. When I don't know things, I don't move that fast or with that much demand in me...

Please note, I'm lucky to have a man who is slow, patient, and doesn't just do shit thinking it'll be great because reasons. But even with him, there's been times I have had to refrain from saying it isn't working because I can see he's not ready to hear it. I refuse to give a performance because I won't lie, but god help me, stop pretending women aren't being forced to pretend various things so that men can enjoy sex.

All you need to do to see this is imagine what sex would be like for you if women gave you honest feedback and honest expressions. I don't think you'd get off, sir, unless you're a fucking sociopath. Imagine you're thrusting and the woman is completely still, unmoving, and her facial expression communicated a mixture of boredom, discomfort, maybe pain, and an obvious counting down the seconds until you're done. If not overt disgust, dislike, and praying it's over. And if you ask her if it's ok, she said, "god no, this is awful, can you finish already so I can leave or take care of myself, please". If you can tell me straight faced you'd still be able to orgasm in that situation, I think you're admitting to me men don't care about women's pleasure as a part of the experience...which for the record is what women are telling you is the problem.

EmergencyConflict610 · 2024-10-03T00:01:40+00:00

Are we allowed to talk about how women don't actually get Men to orgasm and that men are typically responsible for both himself and the woman getting off while she does very little but lie there and then pretending she was responsible for him climaxing but actually contributed little to nothing to the deed?

IdiAminD · 2024-10-02T13:15:32+00:00

I cannot help because for me it is enough when partner is there and has some wishes/preferences to be fulfilled. I prefer partners who are more passive/submissive in bed and for me it works pretty well, I can do the job for both of us. I guess the key is to find the right partner - but in my experience women rather prefer to be passive and enjoy caress/stimulation, maybe men expect it as well, but it's not my case.

RunAgreeable7905 · 2024-10-02T13:28:48+00:00

"There's a floor she can never fall under."

That sounds like a challenge. You do know that with the woman on top, wrong angle then sit down hard can literally break a dick bad enough it heals with a curve that progressively worsens?

ExcelsiorState718 · 2024-10-02T18:03:13+00:00

Also if she plays games gives the guy Blu balls for weeks then when he finally gets it and bust in 5 seconds we'll that's her fault. For guys to be good at it they have to do it often so they can last longer that 3 blinks.

Plazmatron44 · 2024-10-02T21:02:49+00:00

My experience with women has been they don't really care how good you are, I've made women orgasm repeatedly and it had no effect on whether the relationship worked. In the first two encounters I had I got them off but they wouldn't take my virginity and being good in bed didn't stop my first real girlfriend from dead bedrooming me after a few months. At the end of the day it doesn't actually matter.

Advanced-Ad8490 · 2024-10-03T13:11:02+00:00

This is why men should start life as players and accumulate experience with multiple women

Termodynamicslad · 2024-10-03T19:05:53+00:00

Tongue game and finger game is overrated in my experience. It didn't help with making sex better, more often than not, the block for female orgasm for me is psychological. Which may or may not be because i'm ugly, but it is though.

Having the women be significantly horny BEFORE any kind of foreplay is in my experience far more effective for orgasms or overall good sex experience. Becoming more attractive and exhibiting traits that make them mentally aroused (dominance, for example) is where i was able to "get good" at sex.

KamuiObito · 2024-10-02T18:38:18+00:00

We literally just coddle women as a society. This is a great example. Is there ever a complaint that women acknowledge? Like ever? I dont think they have the ability to be super critical of themselves like that.

Mental-Wolverine5152 · 2024-10-02T14:18:09+00:00

Pretty much every woman I’ve had sex with has had an orgasm. Especially when I went down on them. Women just pick guys who don’t prioritize their pleasure 🤷🏽‍♂️

Throwaway47294746047 · 2024-10-02T20:47:37+00:00

Speaking personally I started getting “good” once I had a long term gf in college and we got comfortable enough with each other to give effective feedback to each other without worrying about hurt feelings. Understanding what your partner likes and being physically fit enough to pull it off as the majority of the work.

Also understanding that what you see in porn is designed to look good for the camera and not be enjoyed by the people doing it goes a long way as well.

Electric_Death_1349 · 2024-10-02T13:14:54+00:00

If you’re going to make a sweeping statement like “Most men are selfish in bed” then you need to state how you came to this conclusion - if you’ve slept with tens of thousands of men, then you are indeed in a position to generalise; however, if you haven’t, then all you’re doing is spouting misandrist stereotypes. So which is it?

Dry_Associate3062 · 2024-10-02T13:32:08+00:00

Women don't have to be good in bed, men do! Women, unless they are morbidly obese or really old, will have guys lining up to have sex with them. The guys that get selected, know they have to perform because they are being compared to the last guy(s) she was with and he can be replaced if he's bad at it. If a woman IS good at sex, she did so of her own volition. If sex is bad, typically the guy gets blamed

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-10-02T13:07:38+00:00

I think part of this is projection from women based on the men they pick. Especially with the rates at which women settle to get the life checklist done and over with, it’s not shocking they externalize the “honeymoon phase” of sex (which is only really the case under normal circumstances if you don’t choose your sexual ideal as a spouse). When sex is weaponized in a relationship (typically done by women), there really leaves only one lens in which men can view it under. Getting mad for having to play the game they created seems weird to me.

For the record, I have a pretty large network and you would be hard pressed to find any guy who doesn’t yearn to be the sexual best of his woman or to ensure she is having the best possible experience each time. It’s how you get (logically speaking) repeat customers. Many of the women I dated casually years ago weren’t my biggest fans but would come around because they knew what they were getting. So yeah, the “men are selfish in bed” thing is both a trope but also facilitated by shitty relationship behavior that is going on.

ColbyXXXX · 2024-10-02T14:58:05+00:00

I always love this topic because I never get a good answer as to why women have sex they do not like having. When I have sex with a woman I want her to want it as much or more than me. I would rather not have sex with an unenthusiastic woman and it seems like so many women could take it or leave it.

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sad_asian_noodle · 2024-10-02T13:46:41+00:00

I like thế selfishness, or rather, just take what you want. Don't ask, no need for so much small talk.

Reasonable-Cookie783 · 2024-10-04T05:13:33+00:00

Some men and some women are bad/selfish in bed. Just because a guy gets off doesnt mean a woman meets some minimum standard that's ridiculous. There is a not so small sliver of woman that almost can never get off during sex no matter what a man does. The female orgasm is way trickier. There was actually scientific debate for along time whether the female orgasm actually existed or not. The key to getting what you want in bed is asking for it in clear terms and not accepting less.

zer165 · 2024-10-04T11:36:33+00:00

So, women don’t mean this. They almost never mean anything they say unless they are telling you what time a clock is showing…and even then…

What they mean to say is that “most men” aren’t as attractive as the most attractive (to her at the time) man that they’ve slept with before. The comparison is the key and implicit in the statement. That’s all.

Advice for you though, that statement that is the title of your post, means they have de facto had many partners. Best to look elsewhere OP.

purplish_possum · 2024-10-02T14:58:54+00:00

Men actually need to be more selfish. Guys need to stop dancing like trained monkeys trying to please women. Guys need to just do what they want -- do what feels good to them. If the woman likes it too great. If not she knows where the door is.

Title	"Most men are bad/selfish in bed"
Author	Reiber44
Upvotes	57
Comments	595
Date	October 2, 2024 12:32 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1fuf215/most_men_are_badselfish_in_bed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/most-men-are-badselfish-in-bed.1531845 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531845

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