Telling men their standards are high because they don't want to date or pursue single moms for a LTR is absurd

snackerfark · 2024-02-07T20:56:40+00:00

Not wanting any children or anything to do with raising children is a perfectly reasonable standard for guys as well.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2024-02-07T22:32:49+00:00

That’s not a standard, it’s a preference. You can have whatever preferences or standards you want.

r2k398 · 2024-02-07T20:52:25+00:00

Who cares if their standards are high? No one should try to change your standards.

wtknight · 2024-02-07T21:10:25+00:00

If a man is a single father, then his standards are probably too high if he won’t date a single mother. Otherwise, I don’t think that there is anything wrong with childless men expecting childless women.

Solid-City-3798 · 2024-02-08T03:30:17+00:00

I dont get why anyone cares whether you date a single mom. I am a single divorced mom and I would never want to date anyone who isnt more than thrilled to date me. Why would I lower my standards to date a man who is only barely wanting to date me when I could easily just stay single and relax more often not having to cater to the needs of a man that barely even wants to date me? The thought of bending over backwards to date a man who is lowering his standards to date me makes zero logical sense. That absolutely would not benefit me. In short, single mothers do not want to date you, so please feel free to not date them guilt free.

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-02-08T13:55:00+00:00

It's understandable.

I don't fault men who do not want to date single moms. As a childfree woman a man with kids would be a deal breaker. Because I do not want children. And he would likely want to be with someone more family focused and it's not me.

Children add a different dynamic and if you don't want that dynamic you are totally valid.

Currentlycurious1 · 2024-02-07T20:42:38+00:00

If you're worrying about your "large inheritance", you've probably got enough money to avoid dating single moms.

child0light · 2024-02-07T23:24:59+00:00

I wouldn't use standards here, but preferences, because imo a person's worth isn't measured by their life situation- only by their character. I wouldn't date a single dad regardless. I just don't like other people's kids that much, no matter how much I like the dad. I'd be a grump, overwhelmed, and emotionally distant. People who'd judge me for making that better-for-everyone decision can suck my butthole.

Relative_Bee8356 · 2024-02-07T21:51:24+00:00

The only people complaining are single moms who are frustrated by dating and like 95% of them are just saying things like "dating as a single mom is so hard" that you are interpreting as "men who don't date single mothers are bad."

No one's making you date single moms and the vast majority of people -- including single moms -- completely understand your choice.

Cethlinnstooth · 2024-02-07T23:25:32+00:00

You know what? It's fine if you don't want to compromise on one thing or some other thing or whatever.

But. If you're low enough value and likely remaining so, you will be compromising on something major or there is a nearly 100 percent chance you will go without.

Maybe back when low value men were children they managed to persuade their mothers to fix them the precise lunch they wanted by giving reason after reason why they couldn't eat each of the other options.

Their mothers cared deeply if their sons starved. They had existing relationships to their sons that involved that level of care.She would sigh and after half an hour of her lad strenuously putting his case she would go fix him that cheese and baked bean toastie he'd been after all along and eat leftover tuna casserole two days in a row herself instead.

We don't have the ability to just fix you a girl who you don't have to compromise to be with.

And even if we did have that ability she'd probably want to be with a different guy...like all the other similar girls who already exist.

And we're not your mother and you're not going to starve if you don't choose to make a compromise in order to leave offspring.

bluestjuice · 2024-02-08T00:53:26+00:00

I don’t think not wanting to date into a readymade family with kids is a question of high or low standards anyway. Women with kids aren’t better or worse in some objective sense, but this prospect represents a serious compatibility issue and should be taken seriously.

Any sensible single mother would certainly not want a man to date her in a serious sense who wasn’t sure he wanted, enthusiastically, to sign onto that project. Mothers who don’t take the health and stability of their kids into account in their dating life are a big red flag.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-02-07T21:15:42+00:00

You're trying to argue that your standards are justified. That's different from saying they're low. (Also, I hate to break it to you but everyone has extended family and your argument would apply especially to not dating people from certain cultures. Your biological children are likely to foght over inheritance and you're likely to struggle to relate to them at times.)

Literal_Jesus_ · 2024-02-07T20:45:19+00:00

Is the single mom with inheritance hungry kids that wants an LTR with you in the room with us?

Opening_Tell9388 · 2024-02-07T21:02:52+00:00

leeching attention away from his mother

I find it so interesting that you are assuming the child to be a boy in this scenario you made.

Also, is this a follow up post? This seems to be about someone in particular. If not these are wild wild assumptions.

If you don't want to date single moms. Then don't. Who gives a fuck?

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-02-07T21:17:15+00:00

You're free to not date single moms, nobody is telling you to date people you don't want to date. I don't want to date bodybuilders, and yet, I've never had anyone tell me anything about this preference of mine. Might be because I don't go around posting it all over the Internet for all to see and comment. I also don't speak about bodybuilders in a derogatory way, so that's one more reason why I don't get shit on for my preference.

However, if you're endlessly complaining about no woman wanting you, and how sad that existence is, if you turn your nose up at a hypothetical woman who wants you but doesn't match your standards, I think it's fine to tell you to either lower your standards so you're no longer alone (what you were complaining about), or don't lower them and keep being alone. Pick a struggle.

MisterFunnyShoes · 2024-02-07T21:59:22+00:00

No one is forcing you to do anything. The world doesn’t care if you fuck or date single moms or fatties. The world keeps on turning. It’s on you to get your needs met.

arvada14 · 2024-02-07T21:04:14+00:00

Guys don't over think it. Just says you don't want to. Women never have to explain their icks. We give these elaborate explanations but right or wrong it puts men on the defensive. Ask women what would be the benefit of dating a single mom vs another single woman.

TRTGymBro · 2024-02-07T21:57:11+00:00

I mean you guys complain that you are desperate virgins and nobody wants you. You don't get to be choosers. You are beggars. Make up your mind.

SmallSituation6432 · 2024-02-07T22:23:38+00:00

Mate, 1&2 are based on your failures. Not even an accusation, its fine to be aware of your own limitations, but they both amount to "I can't relate to or socialize with people well unless..."

As for 3, just watch Succession. Inheritance is always contentious. Fortunately, nobody can accuse you of anything since you'll be dead.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2024-02-08T01:47:16+00:00

No one is saying you can’t have standards. In fact I wish men had higher standards.

What I disagree with is this idea that women’s standards are “too high” because they want someone they personally are attracted to and maybe be in a similar place in life and preferably compatible in most aspects that matter to that particular woman, personally and then men turn around and act like they would kill for literally anyone and have no standards at all.

It’s the all or nothing, black and white thinking that is killing anyone taking RP seriously.

From saying all women x, no women can y and I, the sweet victim of this matriarchy, just wish someone, anyone would give me a chance! Okay then go date undesirable women. I dont know what else to tell you.

Zabadoodude · 2024-02-07T21:41:05+00:00

If you can find what you're looking for, your standards aren't too high, even if you don't meet them yourself.

If you can't find what you're looking for, your standards are too high even if you meet them yourself. You need to make yourself more desirable or lower your standards.

moosemc · 2024-02-07T22:56:16+00:00

Are single moms in the room with you now?

Are they parked outside?

Have they sussed-out your PIN number?

Tappin' your phone?

alwaysadoll · 2024-02-07T23:12:42+00:00

Standards and preferences are two different things. Regardless, nobody's worried about yours are. You're making it seem like single mom's are mad that you won't date them 🤣

WANT_SOME_HAM · 2024-02-08T00:49:07+00:00

For the trillionth time: Nobody is saying you have to fuck someone. Your preferences are your preferences. Nobody is saying it's a good idea for you to become a surrogate father figure to kids you don't like or want. (Crazy thought: The kids also have feelings that should be considered.)

What they're responding to are the huge numbers of sexually frustrated neckbeards that shit on single moms because they're deeply insecure men who want to put down women they see in a position of vulnerability.

If you just say "I have nothing against single moms, I'm just not interested," nobody is going to draw a gun and say "DATE A SINGLE MOM OR THE KID GETS IT"

Classic-Literature99 · 2024-02-07T23:37:43+00:00

I agree you shouldn't date or marry her under those circumstances (and I'm a divorced single mother myself), but my opinion is irrelevant.

In retrospect, I realize I shouldn't have married a man with existing children for similar reasons. I didn't have any of my own, was very loving toward his and we even had a child together, yet couldn't make our marriage work - mostly due to the complications of extended family.

That is real reason people become "serial divorcers," btw. The more marriages you have, the lower the chance they will work out due to the accumulated baggage of each partner.

anaccountboutnothing · 2024-02-08T04:07:02+00:00

Raising other people's kids just to get a relationship is not worth it.

gntlbastard · 2024-02-08T00:52:03+00:00

There is no such thing as a "high standard" - just standards that butt hurt people can't meet.

OkMorning2657 · 2024-02-08T14:38:41+00:00

It's okay to not want to be in a relationship where you will be placed in 2nd place at best.

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2024-02-08T18:09:40+00:00

This shouldn't even be a debate. You're stating the obvious. Any woman who comes packaged with another man's kids(who are still not out of the house) is a big liability, and has to compensate a lot in other aspects(like physical attractiveness), in order to be considered for a longterm relationship/marriage over a childless woman.

It's like a meh looking guy wanting a model. He better have a lot of cash if he wants to stand a chance.

BirdLawOnly · 2024-02-09T04:22:27+00:00

What about women who do not want to pursue an LTR with a guy with kids? The shoe is never on the other foot when men are making up the scenarios.

apresonly · 2024-02-07T22:39:54+00:00

i think women say men are allowed to have high standards if they want to?

Can you show us who is saying men shouldn't have high standards?

Zombombaby · 2024-02-07T21:48:36+00:00

Telling women their standards are too high because they don't want to date or pursue men who they aren't personally attracted to for a LTR is absurd.

GGMcThroway · 2024-02-07T23:30:06+00:00

Not wanting to be a stepdad isn't a high standard. Just don't pursue women who have kids and don't complain when it limits your dating prospects.

Siliconmage76 · 2024-02-07T22:58:42+00:00

So don't. Why blab your preferences all over Reddit?

I'm 47. Chances of me getting a childless woman are very rare and if she is childless then that could indicate a red flag barring Medical infertility.

GojosLowerHalf2 · 2024-02-07T21:10:44+00:00

Well the thing is when you get to your late 20s most everyone has kids. Men and women. It's fine if having kids is a deal breaker for you but don't complain about how small your dating pool is. That's my only gripe there

Safinated · 2024-02-07T23:05:13+00:00

No different from telling women to “choose better”

Expensive-Tea455 · 2024-02-08T02:05:04+00:00

If you are unable to get dates with the people you want, then that means you need to either lower your standards, stay single, or figure out how to make yourself more attractive to your target audience… those are really your only 3 options here 😬

ResponsibleUmpire752 · 2024-02-08T02:33:33+00:00

Dating a single mom seems context dependent/personal. Relative of mine (divorced) who didn't have kids, mostly because ex didn't want them, married a single mom and then adopted her youngest. (He dated lots of other women before remarrying.) So in his case a lovely woman having an amazing kid was a plus.

dirty_cheeser · 2024-02-08T01:02:01+00:00

It is obviously a downside to most people and its absurd to say that it is not. There is also nothing wrong with considering the downsides of the body count, financial obligations... even if you don't personally consider them downsides..

But it is not absurd if you bring nothing to the table. A perpetually sick, poor, ugly 40 yo virgin man cannot expect to be able to filter the dating pool on every attribute they want.

Disagreements:

Point 3: In modern societies, the average age of death is 80 and the average age of parent at childbirth is about 30 meaning the kid will be ~50 when they get an inheritance. If your kid is 50, they should have a career and be mature and responsible enough to be able to do independent financial planning so the inheritance shouldn't be lifechanging to them. Additionally, financial planning is typically planning in the even of spending your money and running out of money around the time you die + some safety margin. Inheritances are not relevant to most people in the modern world and you should not be making important decisions on the potential of that difficulty. Just get life insurance and don't plan on having a big inheritance to get you kid covered in the event of an untimely death when they don't have their financial security yet.

commentasaurus1989 · 2024-02-08T07:44:52+00:00

Well, look at you.

Are you in any position to be turning down anyone?

Silent_Ball1082 · 2024-02-08T11:52:37+00:00

From my perspective I was treated by single moms like i'm some employee who should be grateful to have their attention, so i lost all my empathy for them. They simply threated man who isn't attractive as a working drone.

Tuatara77 · 2024-02-08T20:18:48+00:00

This is one of those preferences a large proportion of men agree with, reasons can vary as you described but it's definitely there, just as a large portion of women don't want shorter guys, it is what it is. Nothing wrong with it.

I know that improvising doesn't make you happy, you follow what standard you put infront of you until you get it or not.

SillyMushroomTip · 2024-02-09T20:22:26+00:00

It's funny because everyone laughs or complains about men not wanting to date single mothers but it's probably the most relevant dating standard men have vocalize in the last 30 years.

I dated a single mother, I loved her and had a great experience with her. But they will never love you like they did their baby daddy.

Economy-Shake-1448 · 2024-02-07T20:55:30+00:00

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Here is a 47 year old man (who looks 65 with a Santa Claus beard and no hair) roasting women who are 35. He claims to have a 27 year old girlfriend even though he looks like he has at least experimented with meth. When old men who look like bald Santas speak this way about much younger women, it is clear which gender has high standards.

Citadelnib · 2024-02-07T21:41:22+00:00

Women hate it when single men don’t pursue women in general. They insult and ridicule and mock men without romantic partners. They call people incels for fun. Maybe they will claim you have erectile dysfunction, or that you are a pathetic loser in some way. It’s fascinating behavior to witness.

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-02-07T23:05:08+00:00

It’s not good for the kids. Other than additional financial support, the data isn’t great on it.

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2024-02-07T23:13:52+00:00

A lot of this isn’t specific to step children. You can experience it with your biological children (if you want them) too. You can not relate to your biological children, your biological children can resent you, you can fight with your in laws, your children can just straight up hate each other, your children can fight over inheritance, you can still show favoritism with biological children.

I’m not saying that means you should date women with children, but don’t think that having your own biological children will be a breeze in the park just because they’re yours. You’ll still be presented with most of the same challenges.

Horned-Beast · 2024-02-08T00:03:08+00:00

I will expand on this a bit. I tried dating single mothers after raising 4 kids of my own through college.

Each time became a nightmare to deal with for the reasons you posted.

I had one if them take one of my restored cars on a joy ride after getting pissed at me and her mother (she was 14 at the time) and did over 100k damage wrecking it, I ended up paying for all the damage plus losing the investment of money and time I invested rebuilding that car.

Second issue is constant baby daddy drama and their families. Not only were the mothers families an issue, but grandparents, uncles and aunts all got involved and just assumed they could dictate how we lived our lives in MY house.

Third, money was always an issue. It became fairly regular for them to expect me to hand them carte Blanche access to my bank accounts to pay fir their bills and children.

Yes I make really good money, but, if I spent money on MY children for Xmas or helped them pay a bill while in college, The mothers would want me to spend the same amount on each of her kids. Not to mention 2 separate mothers wanted to make sure I was going to buy her kids cars for graduation and pay free rides to college for her kids

The sheer sense of entitlement and narcissistic behaviors was staggering.

I'll never make that mistake again.

one_little_victory_ · 2024-02-08T00:42:04+00:00

What's absurd is single mom hate, prejudice, and stereotypes. Thinking in stereotypes is foolish. You never know, you might be turning away a good person.

Defundisraelnow · 2024-02-08T00:58:01+00:00

Men, get with whoever you want. Just don't create single moms, okay? You have 100% control over that.

Wattehfok · 2024-02-08T02:00:18+00:00

Bro - no one is holding a gun to your head and making you date a single mum. Date who you want to.

Past a certain age, that’s narrowing your field; but that’s fine.

If I was to suddenly end up single again, I wouldn’t want to date women with young kids. I don’t think anyone would give a shit about it either.

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2024-02-08T03:46:26+00:00

Single moms bring 0 value to a relationship matter of fact they bring a debt... Just like obese women being no value because it's indicative of their lifestyle

Crafty_Letter_1719 · 2024-02-08T14:26:19+00:00

It might be absurd but no more or less then telling woman that their standard of only dating a man with certain “high value” traits is absurd.

At the end of the day anybody is only as attractive as what they can actually attract. If a man wants to be in a relationship but he is only attractive enough to get interest from single mothers then he either better accept single mothers are in his future… or he’ll likely remain single. It’s not absurd for somebody to point this out. It’s just reality.

Santino_323 · 2024-02-07T21:17:16+00:00

100% agree. I’m not playing step daddy to someone else’s kid. Women shaming men for having this standard is basically just a cope for their poor decision-making. Nope, sorry, I don’t care how wonderful you are. The only kids I’ll be raising will be my own.

MistyMaisel · 2024-02-08T04:56:43+00:00

Kids aren't a different species. If you can't relate to a kid who isn't like you and sharing your hobbies does that not extend to other adults including and likely women? This is just a dumb excuse. If you don't like kids say that, that's valid, but this "I can only interact with people just like me" thing makes you sound either moronic or socially retarded.

2. Families always cause silly chaos, doesn't matter how many there are or aren't. And I cannot imagine why you'd have to meet more family than anyone else. It's unlikely you'll get invited to baby daddy's family reunion. Again, this just sounds like made up excuses.

Fights over inheritance happen even when everyone is biologically related. That's just greed. What makes you think your biological children wouldn't be trying to exclude your adopted children? Or do you just not care if that's the case? Also, you're fucking dead so what do you care if someone says you favored your biological children especially when you have agreed that would be true? You don't like people being right about your dead self? Again, this just sounds like a garbage made up excuse you don't really believe.

Just say you don't wanna date someone who has kids that aren't yours. That's totally allowed and even normal.

It can, however, also be a high standards if you're "no prize yourself". There's many single no child dudes out there who are greatly overestimating their weight class if they think in a purely like sexual marketplace sense they're above dating a single mother. It isn't the majority, but it's enough to fill a decent sized warehouse.

harmonica2 · 2024-02-07T22:26:27+00:00

I think the question more so is why are so many others choosing to get divorced and putting themselves in this position of not as many many wanting them afterwards. Are this many marriages really that bad?

RedstarHeineken1 · 2024-02-08T14:27:31+00:00

I am sure nobody cares who you date. The problem arises when mediocre men feel entitled to women out of their league and then complain they can’t get laid.

GlobeUnited · 2024-02-07T22:28:28+00:00

My proposal is for every kid she had, the man should be entitled to one felony conviction. So, if you have no felonies, you get a woman with no kids. End of story. If you have one felony, then you gotta settle for a woman with one kid. Two felonies, two kids. Etc.

GojosLowerHalf2 · 2024-02-07T21:10:59+00:00

Well the thing is when you get to your late 20s most everyone has kids. Men and women. It's fine if having kids is a deal breaker for you but don't complain about how small your dating pool is. That's my only gripe there

shonenhikada · 2024-02-07T23:11:49+00:00

Woman always want men to take low, quality woman and be happy about it. For example:

Date single mom because a real man steps up and takes care of a child
Date women that have high body counts. Don't be insecure, all that matters is she is with you now and loyal.
Date women that are 30+ and gave their best years to other men. She's just as valuable as she was in her 20s. Younger women don't want u, so better take the 30+ year old woman since that's all u can get.
Date feminist/ unfeminine women or women in high, paying careers that take up most of their time. Your just threatened by a strong woman and are a weak man
Date women that mix and match traditional and modern. Real men must provide for their women. But it's rather misogynistic expecting me to take your last name, make up a sandwich, clean your clothes or wash the dishes.

El_Don_94 · 2024-02-08T00:46:48+00:00

What is with this sphere talking so much about single moms? They are not common.

boom-wham-slam · 2024-02-07T23:08:50+00:00

Your standards are not high if essentially ALL women could have met them.

This is my argument of why almost all women these days are woefully pathetic.

SnooCupcakes9990 · 2024-02-07T23:10:18+00:00

Women have higher standards than men in general, so they shouldn't even speak on this topic. Their standards are unreasonable and unrealistic.

GojosLowerHalf2 · 2024-02-07T21:11:33+00:00

Well the thing is when you get to your late 20s most everyone has kids. Men and women. It's fine if having kids is a deal breaker for you but don't complain about how small your dating pool is. That's my only gripe there

Grenadier23 · 2024-02-08T01:11:38+00:00

Who would even consider a mom for even a hookup? Like I'm trying to fuck some blown out pussy of a woman with a leftover kid from a failed marriage? Get real.

Women with kids are disgusting.

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bluehorserunning · 2024-02-08T05:48:59+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to date someone, male or female, who has kids.

SkyAggressive5490 · 2024-02-08T05:51:09+00:00

Why do people care about others standards. Just find the right person for you. If a person has ridiculous standards then let them have it and go on with your life. That simple.

SeveralAcorns · 2024-02-08T09:11:43+00:00

A lot of comments on this sub are absurd. Do we need a new post making that clear for all of them?

It's absurd to argue about what other people think are high or low standards. Every possible standard is fine in mating. It's the core personal decision. It will be racist, ageist, ableist, etc. To even discuss and argue about of what other people decide in mating is right or wrong is ABSURD. Go fuck and/or marry whoever you want for whatever reasons.

modular_elliptic · 2024-02-08T11:00:25+00:00

No has ever even claimed that men have high standards lol.

nemma88 · 2024-02-08T11:06:19+00:00

Telling men their standards are high because they don't want to date or pursue single moms for a LTR is absurd

Depends on the man in question. Likewise women's standards can be too high for that particular woman.

Title	Telling men their standards are high because they don't want to date or pursue single moms for a LTR is absurd
Author	NefariousnessMost660
Upvotes	161
Comments	406
Date	February 7, 2024 8:39 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ald130/telling_men_their_standards_are_high_because_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/telling-men-their-standards-are-high-because-they.1244844 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244844

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