What do you think about the common assertion that many women have unrealistic standards?

thatskappa · 2024-11-28T05:45:39+00:00

A lot of questions about dating are answered once you realize that a lot of people still on the market are there for a reason.

Yes, unrealistic standards can be one of them. Women who don't have that problem very much exist but are, you know, taken. As a 26yo most of the women I interact with on a regular basis are married or on the verge of it.

krispiest_kurl · 2024-11-28T07:54:07+00:00

Social media definitely plays a part in delulu thinking

My family is full of 5’6 men that are happily married

S0yslut · 2024-11-28T07:34:08+00:00

What do you think about the common assertion that many women have unrealistic standards?

I realize this is true for some women. Some men have told me I have high standards but I meet my own standards so I found that weird for them to say. It was always the men I’d never be interested in either.

It was rare my friends had “unrealistic” standards. Only one never married and one married out of their league. Most of my friends are married to men their looks equivalent. And some of my friends make more than their husbands. Also most of my friends and their husbands just make a lot of sense together. They have a lot in common and are a very cute couple.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2024-11-28T11:44:02+00:00

If those women can get those men, their standards aren’t unrealistic.

If those women can’t get those men and don’t care because they are perfectly content remaining single, their standards might be high and a little intentionally unrealistic, because they’d rather be single than settle.

If those women can’t get those men and complain they can’t get them and are unhappy being single, their standards are unrealistic.

pentatonicartichoke · 2024-11-28T08:39:40+00:00

Since being in a relationship is no longer a legal necessity for women, it’s completely valid to have high standards. We're finally able to prioritize our joy and happiness, not only survival, so if a relationship doesn't improve our lives, many of us would much rather stay single.

Women don’t need men, but if the right person comes along, we can choose to be with them. Isn't it much nicer to be chosen than settled for?

EulenWatcher · 2024-11-28T06:23:22+00:00

I think it’s true for a certain group of women, but it’s not as common as manosphere makes it. Most women date, and depending on your age range and social circle a good share of women is in committed monogamous relationships. Among women I know closely most are married and a few are single and do not look for any dates. The single ones are single both due to a lack of someone compatible and having other priorities right now.

Poppy_Luvv · 2024-11-28T07:02:15+00:00

I do think some women have unrealistic shallow standards, not any woman I've ever known in real life. But do I think heavy social media users are likely to be influenced to chasing the "new ideal"? Sure.

I think those women are ultimately hurting themselves if/when they cannot find the man they want. They have the freedom to pursue what they want, and they're the ones who will live with the outcome. If a woman desires love, marriage, a family, she might miss out of it if she keeps up the "must be 6'5 to ride" act. Key word might, because she could also find her bean pole prince.

Unrealistic but not shallow standards, are different. When women have those it's generally because we're fine being single. And it doesn't tend to be based on height, hair, six pack etc. Men aren't going to be able to tell on the other side which is which being deployed.

themfluencer · 2024-11-28T12:02:08+00:00

When I was single, my standard was wanting a man who eats vegetables, reads books, has his own life, knows and lives by his values and is family-oriented. It took forever to find my shmoopy but I’m glad I held onto what’s important to me.

Fab_Glam_Obsidiam · 2024-11-28T06:33:26+00:00

From some of the conversations I've had with men on this sub, it seems that it's more often the "higher status" men who dip down into the pool of lower status women. The women aren't really pursuing, but say yes when hit up by these men. Why they get mad at women instead of these other men remains a mystery to me.

Me personally, I'd say standards for casual hookups are higher for women than men, but not unrealistic. We have to vet for our own safety. A hot guy might still be a psycho.

Relationships are different. I think most people have pretty reasonable standards (be kind, be a functional adult, etc.)

Financial_Leave4411 · 2024-11-28T11:13:06+00:00

I think there is a bit of truth to it and I don’t shame women who want that. The problem with the red pill is that it stopped being about men improving themselves and instead shifted to men trying to shame women into changing which as we all should know by now will never work so no point in men continuing to whine about it. So if you as a man see/know lots of women looking for better partners/hypergamy and you want a chance with her/them just improve yourself because wasting your time whining will guarantee you get nothing. If you don’t have the ability to improve then you have to drop your looks standards or go without.

missmireya · 2024-11-28T06:07:02+00:00

I don't think my standards are unrealistic tbh. Should I have low or zero standards? Because you guys would bitch about that too.

Reading through certain posts and comments in this sub, I find it unattractive when some men will take practically anything. Men should have standards as well.

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-11-28T06:19:02+00:00

If women go after men that’s good looking and overall attractive, then men complain that her standards are too high, women are shallow, women need to give the average joe a chance etc

If women lowers their standards then she’s settling for beta billy and men still complain.

I think women can’t win either way regarding their standards so go after what you like.

Susiewoosiexyz · 2024-11-28T06:23:42+00:00

I don’t think hypergamy and “unrealistic standards” are the same thing. Sure, if someone constantly pursues partners far out of their league without offering similar qualities in return, that could be seen as unrealistic. But why shouldn’t women look for partners who have decent incomes, shared values, and physical attraction?

Smart women are practical. We’re not just thinking about having sex tonight (though of course that can happen). We’re often focused on building a long-term partnership. This involves choosing someone who aligns with our goals—someone with a stable job, ambition, and a clear direction for the future. It’s not about seeking a “provider” in the traditional sense, though the potential to raise children is a consideration. It’s about finding a partner who contributes equally to a mutually supportive relationship.

Settling for someone who isn’t compatible—or worse, someone who drags you down—is one of the worst ways to mess up your life and finances. Planning ahead and being selective isn’t shallow or materialistic - it’s logical. It’s odd that men on this sub often frame women’s strategic decision-making as a bad thing when it’s simply about self-respect and ensuring a healthy, stable future.

flipsidetroll · 2024-11-28T07:11:15+00:00

Anyone, men and women, are allowed whatever standards they want. Whether the standards are unrealistic or not, is not relevant. It’s their standards. If they don’t feel a need to adjust their standards, it’s nobody’s business but theirs.

The only reason any standard becomes irrelevant, when they don’t hold themselves to the same standards they ask of others. “Don’t lie”….. while lying all the time. “Don’t be a slut”….. while banging different people every week. That just makes them a hypocrite.

LillthOfBabylon · 2024-11-28T05:53:44+00:00

Multiple theories:

Confirmation bias. These guys WANT to believe women have unrealistic standards so they focus on women that confirm their beliefs.
Hypocrisy. These guys chase after the hottest girls, so of course these women have high standards.
Effort and jealousy. They see hot guys not putting in effort to get women and they're bitter about it. They don't want to be like everyone else and have to use their personality to help with attractiveness.

Demasii · 2024-11-28T11:11:51+00:00

It's way too easy to accuse women of satisfying hypergamy because of how nebulous it is. There are so many ways that a man can be attractive.

It's easy for someone to see a beautiful woman/ugly man couple and assume that the man has money, funny, big dick, etc to explain the situation.

Fun_Breakfast697 · 2024-11-28T18:47:33+00:00

Lots of people have unrealistic standards. It's not really gendered. Some guys want a virgin who fucks them on the first date and works full time while doing all the housework. Interestingly, these same guys are usually the ones bitching about "women's unrealistic standards."

On the whole I think men are slightly more likely to consider a standard unreasonable just because it excludes them. Like all the men bitching about women's political standards when shared values are actually a pretty important thing to have in a relationship.

"Choose a non-gendered behavior and decide it's evil but only when women do it" is the entire basis of TRP.

If I listed my standards you'd all call me wildly unreasonable but I haven't been single all that much in my adult life.

SayuriKitsune · 2024-11-28T10:09:54+00:00

and what if they have unrealistic standards? that's their problem. But the reality is that a lof of women have stopped settling up for mediocrity. We don't need men as partners anymore so if you aren't making my life better with your presence, I don't even bother.

Hotsexygirl9 · 2024-11-28T06:08:22+00:00

Many women have high standards, men tend to associate high with unrealistic sometimes.

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anna_alabama · 2024-11-28T13:43:34+00:00

The majority of people end up with people who are equal to their own social status

Unhappy_Offer_1822 · 2024-11-28T14:17:44+00:00

they are free to have those opinions

RoseyButterflies · 2024-11-28T15:22:45+00:00

It's not really true. People will get what they can get. Just men don't tend to get away with it as much as women because there is less demand for men.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-11-28T18:58:00+00:00

i think anyone who cant get what they want because of weird a prior "standards" just unrealistic standards, but its none of my business

Tricky_Dog1465 · 2024-11-28T20:11:26+00:00

Women's standards are just that, up to the woman. Same as men's standards are up to the man. You don't get to change those standards

Sapphire-Doll · 2024-11-30T09:15:45+00:00

I actually prefer guys who have dad bods and don't make a ton of money because then I don't constantly feel like they're out of my league. But in terms of behavior, I do have high standards. Emotional intelligence is important. So is consistency. So are manners. And as a very emotional person, if I can't rely on a man to either 1) help me rationalize my thoughts or 2) comfort me, it's just not going to work. I don't think that's unrealistic.

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-12-02T16:42:18+00:00

I think it's silly. People are entitled to their own standards not what other should think their standards should be. So yes if a super unattractive morbidly obese single mother of 3 wants a ripped Adonis fitness model. She is totally in her right to do so. She may not get very far but she can have those standards. And reassess herself.

If someone's standards are unrealistic they will be the only one who feels it.

And to others from the outside looking in you may feel someone's standards are too high. Standards are just filters that you can direct more of what you are looking for your way and not waste the time of others who don't meet them.

CherryPieAlibi · 2024-12-05T03:07:23+00:00

Considering 68% of American women and 67% of American men are married, and 78% of couples split the bills, I’d say those assertions are not as common among women as the red pill will have you believe. The red pill will adamantly try to prove that most women only want men who are 6ft+ and filthy rich. Looking at the actual world, regular people tend to get with regular people. That’s not to say there aren’t gold diggers and womanizers out there, but it’s foolish to believe that that’s what the average person is seeking.

l-Undefined-l · 2024-11-28T16:58:14+00:00

Social media is the worst way to get an accurate representation of any group, whether or not this is true. I hang out on the 4chan's /lgbt/ board, and if I decided to base my opinions of bi and gay men off from that, I would never go near them irl.

mlo9109 · 2024-11-28T13:00:18+00:00

It's, for the most part, BS. Are there women who want the 666 guy? Yes. Do most women? No. Everyone has their own preferences in a mate regardless of gender.

mashedturnip · 2024-11-28T08:50:37+00:00

It’s a projection of male standards. Men will fuck anything, so women’s standards are strict in comparison

Men also know this, they’re just trying to gaslight us

leosandlattes · 2024-11-28T08:43:54+00:00

Ofc hypergamy is real, though in the TRP sense it’s not really about social status. It’s that women will constantly want the best man or “higher alpha” that is available to her.

I think women all have different levels of hypergamous urge - if it were the exact same across the board, we’d all be attracted to the same kind of man with no variation. But that’s not the case at all.

The women who have the highest level of hypergamous urges are the ones who have unrealistic standards. Just remember that what is realistic also depends on the women as well. A very beautiful woman in the upper class wanting a handsome upper class man is very realistic. A working class average looking girl wanting a handsome upper class man is very unrealistic.

RelativeYak7 · 2024-11-28T14:04:40+00:00

I think it's the opposite, to get a man to commit women generally have bottom of the barrel standards. These days it's hard to find a man who wants commitment and even harder for it to be with a specific person. From an evo psych perspective it's prob why lots of women tend to fall in love after sex bc otherwise we'd run screaming from these low effort men.

Title	What do you think about the common assertion that many women have unrealistic standards?
Author	Adventurous-Ruin3873
Upvotes	27
Comments	506
Date	November 28, 2024 5:26 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1h1osj7/what_do_you_think_about_the_common_assertion_that/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-do-you-think-about-the-common-assertion-that.1537111 https://theredarchive.com/post/1537111

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