How many of you are still friends w your ex wife?

Substantial_Top5148 · 2024-12-03T12:26:53+00:00

So, I'm the one that left. I told her I still wanted us to be friendly and amicable towards each other. Right now it's hit or miss which is understandable since I'm the one who left her. It seems to me that when she needs something (I told her I'd help her with house things and others) she tends to be a bit nicer. More than likely it will end up with us just drifting apart and not communicating once the divorce is final.

MeanMachineTrader · 2024-12-02T20:45:12+00:00

Usually doesn’t work out as I’m finding out now.

Feisty_Elderberry_96 · 2024-12-02T15:09:14+00:00

Nope. It's better that way.

I thought it was critically important for our son (he's was 4 when we divorced) for us to remain friends. But her definition of friends meant going back to our marital dynamic - she was a SAHM and controlled everything.

Now it's great. I don't speak to her at sporting events, I don't have to deal with any of her BS. No drama, no stress. And, most importantly, our son is doing great. And, I think, appreciates the differences between our parenting styles.

Substantial-Run3367 · 2024-12-02T14:44:49+00:00

Nope. I deserve much better treatment than that..

THX1138-22 · 2024-12-02T13:33:49+00:00

I initially tried to be considerate, but she took advantage of that. I certainly don’t consider her a friend. For the last decade of our marriage, she showed very little empathy or kindness and took every opportunity to take advantage of me; why would I want to be friends with someone like that? I’ve learned, from my divorce, that I need to respect myself and stop demeaning myself and being a Simp. I currently think of her as the dysfunctional family member who I try to avoid, but have to interact with occasionally because of our biological connections through the kids. sort of like a dysfunctional aunt or uncle. I also make an a goal to not let myself be scared or intimidated by her. If I go out of my way to avoid her, then I will become increasingly anxious about her and then in this way she controls me. So I periodically challenged myself in small ways, such as making sure to ring the doorbell when I go to pick up our kids rather than just sit in the car.

phalo · 2024-12-02T09:25:21+00:00

Nope. She's not a good person, and if anything I've learned to be more discerning in who I spend my time with post-divorce. If she manages to stop being a terrible person, I'd consider it for my kids' sakes but I don't see that happening and I also would absolutely need to consider my girlfriend's feelings in that decision.

bond2kill · 2024-12-02T08:12:40+00:00

I'm Han SOLO

Yankuba3 · 2024-12-02T00:39:28+00:00

No, I despise her

DadVader77 · 2024-12-01T21:57:35+00:00

Friendly and civil because of kids but not friends. She burned that bridge when she no longer wanted me, wanted the divorce, and slept with another guy while still married.

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-12-01T21:34:14+00:00

We are very friendly in brief encounters but we are not friends. I value friendship and loyalty is key and she is incapable of such a thing which precludes her being my friend.

dukeofthefoothills1 · 2024-12-01T21:33:55+00:00

She wants to be friends, but I don’t

Reflog1791 · 2024-12-01T19:41:30+00:00

I feign friendship when necessary to get things I want. It works well.

Used to hate her now I just see her as nanny. Once I got over anger it was easy to adjust the situation to my satisfaction. I use a lot of reverse psychology too.

BW-Journal · 2024-12-01T19:29:03+00:00

The idea was to break evenly, but the moment it looked like we are splitting for real she and her family screwed me out if a lot of money and treat me like I was a bad guy. It was like they just changed how they saw me and for no reason at all, I did nothing wrong.

I would have liked to at least stay civil and it was me who was the one who got hurt and mistreated, but no, fuck me right? I'm a guy, just fucking deal with it.

reapersritehand · 2024-12-01T19:16:25+00:00

I am, we were together for almost 20 yrs, with a kid that just turned 18, it was hard at first, extremely hard we couldn't talk for more then a few seconds before getting into a fight, then we got good, then it was like best friends and talked every day, now its were good we might talk or see each other once a week or 2

landy_109 · 2024-12-01T18:21:31+00:00

Still friends.

Ark161 · 2024-12-01T18:07:40+00:00

Friends is a very strong word. I would say civil at best. If she called me in a real emergency, I would probably help her. There wasnt any infidelity, and it wasnt like our marriage was totally miserable. I don't hate her, but I will probably never get over being abandoned by the one person I trusted enough to marry. It is a mistake that won't happen again.

fewdo · 2024-12-01T17:54:10+00:00

One yes, one no. It's all about the kindness. One was sad that it didn't work out and disliked me quietly (fair enough). The other was angry and yelled at me endlessly for months until we moved into separate housing.

Now I have dinner together with the first ex and our daughter sometimes. Second ex isn't allowed to spend time around that daughter and isn't allowed in my space because I consider her an abuser.

alexmixer · 2024-12-01T17:31:29+00:00

Yup we still drink together even

sbayrunner · 2024-12-01T17:28:20+00:00

No way, she decided to leave and take my money with her. We only need to connect because of alimony and coparenting a dog. She took my dog 300 miles away.

She once asked me to bring her a special local cake that she doesn't have access to when picking up the dog, I said there is a delivery fee that she didn't want to pay. Not anywhere near a point that favors are done.

rsmiley77 · 2024-12-01T16:57:23+00:00

I wonder if anyone ever asks the other side this question…

To echo many in here. I can trust my friends. I enjoy being around them. Neither is true with my ex. She cheated, lied, and stole. I’m forgiving but not naive.

lifeisallihave · 2024-12-01T15:43:41+00:00

I'm good! Friends don't put friends in harm's way.

I love this thread by the way. I'm f**king committed to not wanting to do anything with her ever again.

xXxTheRuckusxXx · 2024-12-01T14:42:49+00:00

She's not quite alive enough to be friends with. She resides in a jar in my living room for my kids' sake.

mikegatt90 · 2024-12-01T14:08:01+00:00

Absolutely not, she got pregnant with twins by AP(who's a deadbeat), put me on childsupport($811 a month), then ran up 10k in bills that had to be subtracted from the final sale of the home(light bill, Water bill, HOA hadn't been paid in a year, then she was 2 months behind on the mortgage) moved 200 miles away and didn't tell me until 4 weeks prior and now I only see my kid 2 days a month because she refuses to meet me on my designated Fridays because she chose to purchase a home 40 miles from her job in the opposite direction. I keep communicating to a absolute minimum and only concerning our child. Otherwise fuck her.

IceDue123 · 2024-12-01T13:21:14+00:00

Absolutely not. There might have been a chance if she had been somewhat honest with me and just wanted to move on, but it was lie after lie after lie. Totally gas lit me after I discovered the affair and refused to move out. Spent weekends with AP while I had to take care of the house and kids. She conspired with AP to get as much of the money I earned and the house equity, she hid money during the the divorce using the kids bank accounts. AP and her got off on the mystery and the romance of the affair because it was exciting. They laughed and joked what a loser I was and how pathetic APs wife was. Before I found out about the affair, she blamed me 100% for the failure of the marriage. Despite living rent free with AP and having a good job, she pays absolutely zero to support our college kids, including sending me a 15$ co pay bill for the doctor. I don’t even recognize her, she is a terrible person. Good riddance.

AnnoyedCucumber · 2024-12-01T12:38:07+00:00

bizbunch · 2024-12-01T11:53:45+00:00

Nope Beyond the affair and lies in court motions I had to fight, she has no value as a friend. Shes never kept a friend for long and it sure isnt going to be me.

RealDamage007 · 2024-12-01T11:44:13+00:00

The problem is I don’t even recognize the person I’m dealing with right now. It’s like I married a stranger which makes me ask existential questions about myself. How could I judge this so wrong??? Could never be friends with her. Not that I want to either. I’m good. I only want communication about kids otherwise I don’t want to hear from her. Can’t stand being in her presence.

Old_Perspective_1445 · 2024-12-01T09:43:07+00:00

I wanted to be very much, but she had this huge amount of resentment. She initiated the divorce had me served on my birthday 2 weeks before our anniversary. I think she was told she would get everything by people who did not know and when it did not work out that way instead of looking in the mirror she got angry with me. 11 years of co-parenting later and she still only speaks to me when it is absolutely necessary.

smooth-vegetable-936 · 2024-12-01T08:36:57+00:00

We’ve been divorced. Have different addresses but we’re having a relationship without marriage. We take care of our daughters and provide for whatever they need. I help her and she does the same. Life? Relationship, love , divorce etc should be simple and if it doesn’t work just move on. Otherwise, keep it simple

Aggravating-Ad-5793 · 2024-12-01T08:36:57+00:00

I've blocked her on everything.

SalamandersRreal · 2024-12-01T07:49:49+00:00

Not really. We still enjoy each others company, which is the worst part. She comes over to pick up/drop off our kid and we’ll talk like old pals for a while, and then the bad feelings come in. The crushing weight that this is just a passing glance of the past and that everything good that we had, has now been trashed because she couldn’t keep her dick in her pants.

CB33isGMC · 2024-12-01T07:31:35+00:00

Friends? She’s not even the same person. Hell no!

tanen55 · 2024-12-01T07:09:07+00:00

We are friendly but not friends. Our conversations are strictly about our girls. We do have a family chat that we all still post too but that's it.

Icerunner45 · 2024-12-01T06:28:00+00:00

Not even the slightest. After her secretly hiring a divorce lawyer while telling me things were fine, kidnapping our kids, trying to alienate them against me, secretly changing their schools and telling them to lie to me about it, lying about all kinds of abuse, harassing me at work, and all the other things she’s done, there’s not a chance we could ever be friends. I was in it for the long haul with her, but she was more interested in listening to her backstabbing mother and divorced friends that she deserves to be independent.

InsideAmbitious6594 · 2024-12-01T06:05:11+00:00

If there's no kids you shouldn't ever talk to your ex-wife for the rest of your life. That's like...the least they deserve.

With kids? Like friends friends? No. Because 90% of the time thats code for "he's playing along as friends hoping to get back together with her, she knows that, and is using that to her advantage".

Divorced guys with kids post things like that on here all the time. He'll be 1, 2 3...5! Years post divorce, and it's obvious he's still into her and she breadcrumbs him and he thinks there's a chance.

Jay_Cee_130 · 2024-12-01T05:32:12+00:00

I would probably be cordial if necessary but I don’t go out Of my Way to see her or make conversation

No-Marsupial1823 · 2024-12-01T05:04:45+00:00

Enemies 4 life. No contact at all what’s so ever. The hate is real over here. We will probably never speak again.

itoocouldbeanyone · 2024-12-01T04:07:50+00:00

I’ve got to be for now. Until I move out she has the upper hand. I will set firm boundaries when I’m free of this nesting. I’ll coparent. I will try to be civil how she wants right now. The day I’m in my own place of peace, she’ll get the civil I want to be. I’ll be there in regards of our kid. I will not bend over backwards to her concerns or suggestions when I don’t have to. She ended that when she asked for a divorce.

livinthedream17 · 2024-12-01T04:07:34+00:00

Nope. No way. Not gonna do it. Won't do it.

ABBucsfan · 2024-12-01T02:53:30+00:00

Heck no. If we still enjoyed each other's company then we never should have broke up the family. I can tolerate her and cooperate on kids stuff, but that's about it. I don't trust her much outside of looking after kids. I don't think she's actually a very good human being. Would never even have been friends when I first met her if I knew the real her. Apparently others feel the same as she's gradually lost most of her friends

Dramatic-Ad7192 · 2024-12-01T02:48:49+00:00

Fuck no

Luxtaposition · 2024-12-01T02:42:04+00:00

Big no on all fronts.

chevy_zr2_4x4 · 2024-12-01T02:16:07+00:00

We tried, but, she's a child. She would tell me one thing and tell the kids another. Then yell at me for it.

I blew up at her a year ago and haven't spoken to her since. She's blocked, so no calls of texts.

However, our daughter was in the hospital a month ago and I kept it "casual" and on topic of our daughter. Our girl was hungry and I ran to McDonald's for her, I offered to grab something for my ex. I'm not going to eat in front of her. Since then, there has been no contact.

azskaht · 2024-12-01T02:00:12+00:00

Not friends, but we can text, spend holidays together, interact, be at the kids stuff together, and laugh together at stuff we both find funny. It's been 7 years, she's remarried... We coparent and a good relationship is important to the kids and makes coparenting much easier. No, we don't hang out, but when we need to, it's not painful.

If you have kids together, they're going to be a part of your life forever... In the beginning it's tough, but it can get easier if you let it.

jonathanclee1 · 2024-12-01T01:49:08+00:00

I wanted to be, I thought we could, we co parented but then she met a guy who wanted her to have nothing to do with me and it made things tough, shame really we'd known each other our whole lives.

dnbndnb · 2024-12-01T01:37:44+00:00

That’s a big no. My friends don’t include liars, cheaters and backstabbers so why would she be my friend?

Sweaty_Ad_9820 · 2024-12-01T01:16:55+00:00

Barely but I still cant shake her.

Boomhower113 · 2024-12-01T01:12:59+00:00

I was willing to be. But, she made the divorce process so horrible that it’ll never happen.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2024-12-01T00:30:34+00:00

She not my friend. We are civil and co-parent our children. But we are not friends

Flashy_Yam967 · 2024-12-01T00:16:44+00:00

I have. It is in my best interests and my kids best interests to do so. It helps the coparenting a lot. I will never forget or forgive what she did though.

Ladiesman94952 · 2024-12-01T00:14:20+00:00

She's taking 21.15 percent of my money.... friends ???? I'm just hoping she dies every day !

Keyrov · 2024-12-01T00:01:16+00:00

Aaaaaaaaaand no. Why would I wanna interact with the person who first stole my heart and then proceeded to shred it into a million pieces?

She gave up on us despite me working on fulfilling her demands. She’s now free to go have all the drugs she wants and control somebody else’s life. Imma just chill with my cat and mind my own business, thank you very much.

Centauri1984 · 2024-11-30T23:57:15+00:00

Friends with my first ex, not so much with my soon to be second. Of course,it doesn't help that she's a flat out lunatic...

Moeasfuck · 2024-11-30T23:53:34+00:00

I would be, but it didn’t work out that way

Zestyclose-Thanks662 · 2024-11-30T23:43:06+00:00

Nope

mixturedd · 2024-11-30T23:31:07+00:00

Out of curiosity. The guys who aren’t friends with their ex. Was the split amicable? I mean, was it hard? I’m still friends with my ex. Our split was very amicable. We share a child so you need to keep things cordial for the child. I have ill feelings towards her. I haven’t moved on and nor do I have any feelings for her. I just realised I’ve grown so much from the separation. I’ve joined a man’s group and worked on myself with help from professionals and other men.

Content-Class1259 · 2024-11-30T23:18:44+00:00

No, nope, no way, not ever, don’t even talk over kids, they are both adults. Just seeing that person puts me in an angry mood!

keencone · 2024-11-30T23:15:20+00:00

I would be and could be if she hadn’t pursued a shock-and-awe campaign of destroying me financially in our divorce process.
The loss of a partner and family unit was ROUGH, but I can accept that part! How she played it was some really ugly, ‘can’t unsee that’ type behavior.
Civil, but hell no we’re not friends.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-11-30T23:08:41+00:00

Never was, never will be. But we get along well enough these days. If you’re in the middle of the divorce and she’s bringing up post-divorce friendship - just fucking agree and say yes if that’s what it takes to get the divorce done faster. Then once it’s over, do whatever the fuck you want. You don’t owe this person emotional honesty or much of anything else. Be pragmatic AF.

soontobesolo · 2024-11-30T23:06:57+00:00

I don't like her but I can deal. We play nice for the kid and mutual friends. I avoid her otherwise.

Ancient-Homework7557 · 2024-11-30T23:03:12+00:00

Play nice is public. But she’s an emotional roll coaster. And spiteful and bitter as shit. Fuck that. Even with all that shit there little tinges of “awe fuck” (mostly for the lives my kids knew before) But for me. Fuck that noise. I’m better now that I’ve left. Should’ve done it years ago.

Sad_Hamster_8504 · 2024-11-30T22:51:16+00:00

Friends only in public when she’s normal. When it’s in front or around our kids she’s that cruel, toxic unhappy person still. So no. Why would I want to be friends with someone who hates me with a passion ie a decade of spousal abuse I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy to have gone through while working and raise 3 kids. Hard pass

All the best DA

Potential_Item610 · 2024-11-30T22:50:01+00:00

Not a fucking chance.

One4All992 · 2024-11-30T22:43:42+00:00

Not a chance I keep it amicable, but I made it clear from the jump we'll never be friends and I want zero contact or communication unless it's regarding the kids.

No way I can be friends with someone I can't trust.

No_Seaworthiness8204 · 2024-11-30T22:35:44+00:00

Lolol it's a restricted community over there. Nvm.

No_Seaworthiness8204 · 2024-11-30T22:34:27+00:00

For morbid curiosity...ima go ask the divorced woman board the same lol

HoneydewLeading7337 · 2024-11-30T22:32:29+00:00

Absolutely fucking not.

When we were together I loved her and I like her.

The person she is now? I don't lover her and I don't like her.

Why would I be friends with someone I don't like?

Tasty_Yogurt_9478 · 2024-11-30T22:31:07+00:00

aj357222 · 2024-11-30T22:29:11+00:00

Never lol

Good_Dot_2065 · 2024-11-30T22:19:27+00:00

warwww · 2024-11-30T22:16:52+00:00

Friends with who?

darealyst · 2024-11-30T22:02:09+00:00

Our communication is limited to critical information about our children. I want it this way as she is an unpredictable, vindictive person who I do not trust any longer to not use anything I could possibly say as a weapon against me.

I did not want it this way and the first couple weeks of our separation were filled with hopeful talk of "coparenting" and "shared holidays". Then when I refused to move out of the house the threats and unacceptable behaviour began. When she eventually left she tried to pretend none of it happened. That's who she is.

notjuandeag · 2024-11-30T21:45:20+00:00

I’m not in the same demographic as you with our divorce. It took a divorce for me to realize it’s been years since she was actually my friend. I was blinded by love and remained a loyal and good friend to her for 3.5 years after she stopped reciprocating friendship while still going through motions to do couple things. We can’t be friends because she would simply be using me and continue to take for granted the efforts I go through to help her with things.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-11-30T21:40:32+00:00

All depends on what you mean by friends?

I don't hang out with my ex wife, ask her to the movies, go out to dinner, or have deep and vulnerable conversations. If she needs help with something I give it, and she would do the same for me. We are amicable and flexible when it comes to co-parenting. We would go on a family vacation together.

Friendly? Yes.

Genuine friends? Not at this stage (been 3 years). Maybe further down the track who knows?

No_Seaworthiness8204 · 2024-11-30T21:39:51+00:00

Wow. So the majority so far is a "hell no" lol. I will probably separate from my wife amicably. We've been talking about it. Together 13 years. We are just on different paths. I'm looking forward to flying solo but I still see a future w her...visiting, texting...we share dogs.

Slowloris81 · 2024-11-30T21:37:41+00:00

Hell no.

cschoonmaker · 2024-11-30T21:37:07+00:00

I maintained a civil relationship while the kids were young and we shared custody. Now that they both live with me full time as adults I haven’t spoken to her in 4 years. And have no plans to do so any time in the future.

VileReddFalcon · 2024-11-30T21:31:20+00:00

Don’t do it. After 4 years I legit tried to be civil when the kids got involved in sports. She took me back to court 2 years ago trying to take the kids away from me because I lost my job and was unemployed for some time. Don’t share information with her for any reason! You may get burned…

slow-motion-pearls · 2024-11-30T21:28:48+00:00

zero contact. she’ll be receiving some attention from my lawyer though re: owed $. 😉

aquatic-dreams · 2024-11-30T21:27:50+00:00

Nope.

StyleActual2773 · 2024-11-30T21:23:18+00:00

Yeah, no. It's hard to lose someone who was once so close, but it would be far more difficult to keep them at some middle distance. I don't spend time thinking about her at all anymore.

NotTodaySanta16 · 2024-11-30T21:22:36+00:00

I have a civil, working relationship with her due to us co-parenting. That’s as far as I’ll go. Wouldn’t say “friends” though.

GinnjaNinnja · 2024-11-30T21:17:45+00:00

I am

FriedMinus · 2024-11-30T21:16:17+00:00

Do you make friends with the thief that breaks into your house and steals your stuff?

LoveCrispApples · 2024-11-30T21:04:48+00:00

Wow, such empty.

I wonder why.

Title	How many of you are still friends w your ex wife?
Author	No_Seaworthiness8204
Upvotes	30
Comments	150
Date	November 30, 2024 8:57 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1h3m753/how_many_of_you_are_still_friends_w_your_ex_wife/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-many-of-you-are-still-friends-w-your-ex-wife.1537314 https://theredarchive.com/post/1537314

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