Women are attracted to assholes and players so they’re the only ones to blame for their outcomes

Gilmoregirlin · 2026-05-05T17:53:45+00:00

So you are saying women should be pickier, more selective and have higher standards?

Lost_Reaction_5489 · 2026-05-05T17:59:53+00:00

And the women who have given non-assholes a chance, and been burned then what?

Asterion__Moloc · 2026-05-05T17:22:11+00:00

Man I think you really underestimate how much some men can put up a fake personality just to have sex.

badgersonice · 2026-05-05T18:00:44+00:00

Then by corollary, you must also argue that women also 100% responsible for any time they pick a good guy.

If he’s a good guy? Then it’s 100% due to her, and he deserves none of the credit for his good behavior. Right?

Or… is your argument simply saying that women are responsible for everything bad, while men are responsible for everything good?

If women are so responsible for male behavior… then maybe you should be more grateful to women for when men behave well!

PositionStandard6089 · 2026-05-05T16:37:04+00:00

"men that are sweet talkers or players or able to finesse and manipulate tons of women. These women blame the men, yet these men are constantly finding an endless supply of women to sleep with."

the men you are describing aren't being honest. you literally used the word manipulate. anyone who is manipulating someone else in order to get sex, should be criticized.

women are not the only humans who respond to uncertainty and excitement in dating. lots of people go for something exciting over something predictable and stable.

lesliecarbone · 2026-05-05T15:43:31+00:00

Deceptive people are to blame for their deceptions.

People with poor self-respect who ignore red flags are responsible for pursuing their own healing if they want healthier relationships.

edit: typo

Lemon_gecko · 2026-05-05T15:35:41+00:00

It's partially true. Meaning women are responsible for choosing (and men are too, just to be clear). But eventually it's assholes and players who do this shit. Saying that women are responsible completely absolves them of any responsibility for their actions. And i disagree.

bluestjuice · 2026-05-05T16:45:51+00:00

What is the purpose of this argument? Meaning: if we all agree that you're right, now what? What outcome depends on this point of view?

From where I stand, I don't think anyone is "to blame" for their attractions. People do have responsibility for their choices and actions. This includes people choosing to date people they can see are bad or bad for them, and people who do bad things.

ThatBitchA · 2026-05-05T15:44:26+00:00

They aren't blaming men as a whole.

They are blaming the assholes and players for being assholes and players.

I’ve learned the game of seduction and use it to my advantage

Please share your seduction techniques. Curious to see if they fall into the asshole or players category.

RelativeYak7 · 2026-05-05T15:44:54+00:00

Do you also hold men responsible for getting scammed by sports betting and stock trading con artists? The men who lose all their money to some scam investment? At least in those situations there is potentially some legal recourse but not always.

fiftypoundpuppy · 2026-05-05T15:56:07+00:00

This entire post is based on a false dichotomy where the only options are either finding "boring, nice" guys sexually arousing or "assholes and players." I've repeatedly pointed out that you don't need to be an "asshole" or a "player" to be exciting, confident, and/or masculine. But due to the inability of men (in the manosphere) to appreciate or even understand nuance, everything must always be in stark black-and-white, all-or-nothing extremes.

love_in_october · 2026-05-05T15:41:29+00:00

Men similarly become attracted to people who hurt them and complain about treatment from their partner or ex. Are you saying that nobody should complain about a relationship ever because they only have themselves to blame (conveniently taking accountability from the person who chose to hurt them)? Should any man with a bad ex think long and hard about what's wrong with him? If not, what makes the difference?

anomalocarus · 2026-05-05T15:44:30+00:00

I think most men are actually quite nice and kind, or at least in my dating experience they are. You kind of sound like an asshole and a player though, so maybe its just you projecting your mindset onto other men.

TermAggravating8043 · 2026-05-05T16:06:24+00:00

You guys completely underestimate how much shy quiet guys turn out to be the biggest abusers on the planet

The shy quiet guy I rejected at school went on to rape kids.

You need to stop blaming women fir mens bad behaviour

cb8585b · 2026-05-05T16:13:05+00:00

The depth of a lot of yalls understanding about human behaviour is at the level of chick flicks from the 2000s.

Starcraft_III · 2026-05-05T17:11:19+00:00

This is wrong because it’s not being a player or an asshole that makes you attractive, it’s being attractive and having the options and halo effect that makes you be a player and an asshole, so it’s actually attractive men’s fault.

Otjahe · 2026-05-05T18:07:19+00:00

A confident smooth talker attracts everyone way more, women, men, bosses, colleagues, business partners, teachers, police, friends, family of friends, strangers, potential buyers etc etc

You’re framing it as if a socially attractive person being more attractive is somehow mind boggling or irrational attraction. Being physically attractive is also a human advantage socially. We are all human beings

DriverInitial8305 · 2026-05-05T21:41:36+00:00

FYI Im not saying women should do this. It’s only a suggestion for women who complain about these types of men. If you love assholes keep dating them. The logical conclusion would be to stop dating them if they drive you crazy and date other men but apparently I’m crazy for suggesting this

ClevelandSpigot · 2026-05-05T16:03:50+00:00

I can blame both men and women only so far. I watch a lot of Manosphere content, and the one thing that I vehemently disagree with is when the host says that women should have picked better. Seriously? Psychopaths are extremely good at hiding their true self for long spans of time, and then even spinning the bad outcome in their favor. I don't blame those women anymore than I blame the man whose wife divorces him, accuses him of neglect and abuse, so he loses his children, and she also takes all of his money. He is left living alone in a one-room apartment, with 80 percent of his income being taken away.

AngeAware · 2026-05-05T16:27:39+00:00

No that's not how morality works. Being a shitty person has had both benefits and consequences as long as humans have existed. "Well as long as benefits exist/somebody rewards the behavior we can't blame the people who decide to be shitty to get them." Yes we can, humans have always done that and will continue to do so. "Your honor I was offered $1,000 to do this illegal thing, so only the person who offered the money is to blame." Good luck with that argument.

WiseCherry778 · 2026-05-05T16:55:34+00:00

why dont we see women whining about how men are attracted to crazy hot chicks?

Naebany · 2026-05-05T18:22:13+00:00

Yeah, pretty much. It's like this:

Men are nice to woman and romantic - > women reject them - > men change their behavior and act like assholes and succeed in dating - > women are surprised but don't see that it's their doing.

If you don't want men to be assholes then you should pick better. But oh well, not my problem.

Direct-Tower6314 · 2026-05-05T15:42:08+00:00

assholes and players are rarely covered either way

most of their criticism is of romantically and socially unsuccessful men who turn their grievances into rage against women rather than either acceptance of the circumstance or effort towards changing it

they don't even have to change anything if they don't want to, merely accept that not everybody is going to be into you and, yeah, you may end up forever alone

That's just reality

mcmlxiv1 · 2026-05-05T18:46:19+00:00

Wrong.

You guys keep misunderstanding it is not asshole or players, it’s men who blow smoke up a woman’s butt while looking good.

An unattractive man can be an asshole all he wants but will get nothing. Women simply tolerate a good looking asshole.

A player is a good looking man who future fakes or simply tells a woman shit that’s she wants to hear.

Women don’t like the truth so everyone needs to lie to them.

It gets to a point where being honest to a woman is detrimental to a man’s dating life because of how large a woman’s ego can get.

It’s a cycle that doesn’t end until a woman ages out and now she is too ugly to believe the crap any will say to her.

YveisGrey · 2026-05-05T17:06:33+00:00

Arguments like this are made based on a flawed reasoning

Confusing because of with in spite of. A woman can sleep with a man who is asshole in spite of him being one not because he is one.
Not considering the fact that a man can be considered an asshole for sleeping around even if he is open and honest about his intentions
Dismissing the fact that men can do bad things to get sex with women and sometimes they will succeed otherwise they wouldn’t do it to begin with. Just like some people make money from robbing people that doesn’t mean people like being robbed.

-mixedsignals · 2026-05-05T18:20:01+00:00

Women don't like assholes and players, those guys don't display those traits

unless you think women can read minds this doesn't make sense

Axis_Control · 2026-05-05T16:08:22+00:00

Stop victim blaming

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Artistic_Bumblebee17 · 2026-05-05T18:30:05+00:00

Men will become players and assholes if they can do boom don’t assign morality to men that do not have to opportunity to display morals

Turbulent-Company373 · 2026-05-05T18:52:55+00:00

It is important to make background checks on people who one would like to be in a long-term relationship with so that there are no surprises later on in the relationship. Unfortunately, some ignore previous bad behaviors from abusers regarding how they badly treated their exes which is known by their present partner but which they chose to ignore. Being in an abusive relationship is no picnic for the abused person who is suffering from abuse and hatred from their partner who is supposed to love them. It is one of the most confusing things to be in. I read about a women who was in contact with a man for around one month who to her seemed like the nicest guy she ever met. However, she did a background check on him and she found that her had several domestic assault battery charges. She was shocked and quickly dropped him.

Jake0024 · 2026-05-05T18:57:17+00:00

Assholes and players lie and trick women into dating them so they're the ones to blame

See how easy this is?

GoldSailfin · 2026-05-05T18:58:37+00:00

A lot of men get on these subs and complain about the women that are sweet talkers or vixens or able to finesse and manipulate tons of men. These men blame the women, yet these women are constantly finding an endless supply of men to sleep with. The reality is men are attracted to the seduction of women like this. The tension and uncertainty and the excitement that comes as well as how it triggers scarcity and desire to pursue. To blame this on women as a whole is flawed. Most women aren’t femmes fatales or bitches. I’m not a player personally but I’ve learned the game of seduction and use it to my advantage. Most women don’t even know how to seduce men. However there’s a plethora of men who do and will always find the women who are experts in seduction desirable. Your complaints should be with the brotherhood and figuring out why that type of chicks gets you going over the boring nice girl types. You are to blame not the women.

Acrobatic-Monk9735 · 2026-05-05T19:00:34+00:00

So you’re saying that women should be more picky and make men wait for sex a while, regardless of her past.

Mindful_Insights · 2026-05-05T19:36:52+00:00

I’m attracted to what I find attractive and sometimes they are assholes. I’ve fine tuned my radar to spot and reject quickly. It’s a good skill.

Steakman1 · 2026-05-05T19:47:09+00:00

No, it is not the act of being an asshole that’s attractive. Theres traits that are attractive and not bad that assholes who are successful with women happen to possess. And the asshole traits aren’t shown until later. Even in an example you used in a comment, where you say you require sex by the 3rd date, Im assuming that is not something you tell women right away. Because theres a decent chance they would see you as an asshole and tell you to piss off. Which if it’s being an asshole that makes men attractive, then this should not be the case.

Going up to women and calling them bitches isnt going to make them attracted to you but will certainly make them think youre an asshole. If being an asshole is what’s attractive, then why is the this a viable dating strategy?

Players succeed because theyre able to create the illusion that theyre good guys at first who also possess the good traits that women actually find attractive. And its later once the woman is hooked that the playing actually happens. The playing and asshole behavior is not a requirement. And the actual attractive traits can exist without them. These men just choose not to do that

Prior_Flamingo_2276 · 2026-05-05T20:04:13+00:00

Tbh. I think much of this is a generational issue. Parents need to raise their children to set boundaries, have standards, have self-esteem, and to understand genuine connection. Especially because when folks are young they are more likely to be targeted and fall under the spell of players. Relationship and sex education are under-taught and we all suffer for it.

Fondacey · 2026-05-05T20:43:08+00:00

And it’s their fault the incels don’t get any because they choose the chads

pm_ur_duck_pics · 2026-05-05T20:45:22+00:00

Most of the time it’s because her father was an asshole. Feels familiar.

TKD1989 · 2026-05-05T21:34:47+00:00

In turn, those kinds of women are responsible for screwing over good guys. They are responsible for some guys loneliness by only going for unhealthy players, Chads and assholes.

I hear on the other side how men are responsible for women's loneliness when we don't go for single moms, seriously mentally ill women or women with serious attachment issues.

preferablyno · 2026-05-05T22:51:44+00:00

Regardless of whether assholes and other various bad people are enabled or encouraged by others, they are still the ones primarily responsible for their own actions

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-05-05T22:55:45+00:00

So assholes and players are not responsible for their actions ?

RakeChapman13 · 2026-05-06T01:52:59+00:00

What most women are attracted to are masculine men, men who are confident, have back bone, that doesn’t make a guy an asshole. Are there women who like legit assholes ? Sure but that’s not most women, just like there’s men who like mean bitches. Most chicks get turned off by guys being rude to the sister for fuck sake.

MuffDiver12698u · 2026-05-06T01:59:52+00:00

Alot of women say they want a REAL MAN 🤭🤭🤭😆

Yet everything about them is FAKE

GhostXmasPast342 · 2026-05-06T09:58:13+00:00

Women make all of the rules for dating. All of them. So, whatever decision they make is all on them.

thoseinspace · 2026-05-06T11:25:11+00:00

You have a point. But its a bit more nuanced. Its not like they pick bad partners on purpose. But they sure af dont tread carefully enough for how much they complain about the dating market. (AS DO A LOT OF MEN BTW)

A lot of women are simply attracted to the idea of a man. What he represents and exudes, how he makes them feel. How he makes other women feel. How good they would look together. Not who he actually is and what he has actually done in life.

Thats why they hate the bodycount conversation. Because to them the promise of what could be should matter more than somebody's actual trackrecord. They always believe themselves to be the special exemption to the rule. Just as it was promised to them since the day they were little girls.

So they think they're not ever "picking" the asshole, because he was supposed to play the role they wrote for him in their heads and he just went off script.

But a different approach to dating would be settling, apparently.

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2026-05-05T16:01:48+00:00

Oh, wow, I am married to a nice guy and you guys claim I married him for money and secretly don’t like him. Guess the point is to blame women

learn2earn89 · 2026-05-05T16:11:38+00:00

Yes and men are attracted to thots and corn stars.

YveisGrey · 2026-05-05T16:04:36+00:00

A scammer’s still a scammer can’t get away with scamming by arguing that those you scammed should have “chose better” or even known better. Even if it is true you’d still be the one going to prison for scamming if caught, not your victims.

Alone275 · 2026-05-05T16:18:58+00:00

i mean a lot of women do lack accountability however they can’t be completely to blame for another persons actions however if they decide to get back with someone who is abusive then they aren’t exactly making the right decisions

Ok_Use7 · 2026-05-05T16:05:28+00:00

The men y’all call assholes here aren’t assholes. In fact, I’d argue that a lot of y’all are the assholes far more than the sweet talkers and players.

Those dudes aren’t finessing or manipulating. They’re navigating as their natural selves and doing so attracts women.

An asshole navigates as something he’s really not in order to manipulate outcomes and use to their advantage. The sweet talkers and players aren’t doing that.

AlmostKindaGreat · 2026-05-05T20:15:27+00:00

Do women sometimes ignore red flags because a guy is hot? Yes. Do women sometimes go into a situation knowing they could be "played" but are kind of ok with it because he's hot? Yes. But if a man (or anyone) lies or intentionally deceives he is still to blame, at least partially.

Does it bother you when women (or men) don't take responsibility for their actions? It should. The response shouldn't be "I won't take responsibility for my actions either!" It should be "I will be better than that, take responsibility for my actions, and live with integrity."

Women are attracted to assholes and players so they’re the only ones to blame for their outcomes

Comments

Men throw a massive tantrum

Title	Women are attracted to assholes and players so they’re the only ones to blame for their outcomes
Author	DriverInitial8305
Upvotes	109
Comments	491
Date	May 5, 2026 3:34 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1t4ixtp/women_are_attracted_to_assholes_and_players_so/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-are-attracted-to-assholes-and-players-so.1579657 https://theredarchive.com/post/1579657