Women need to stop pathologizing themselves and start listening to their intuition with men

throwawaynevermindit · 2021-09-20T00:40:47+00:00

OP is so on point. There are only three men around whom I've had near-panic attacks:

My father, who has a history of DV and has been physically violent with me (strangulation, restraint) + is a serial boundary violator even when not being physically aggressive.
My college boyfriend, who spat in my face, threatened to run a car off the road with me in it, threatened to break my things, gaslit me and laughed maniacally when called out on it, had rape fantasies, engaged in reproductive coercion toward another woman later.... and admitted unapologetically that he believes himself to be a narcissist.
The man who attempted to sexually assault me, who I realized later had been calculatedly attempting to get me into a vulnerable position for months, who I realized later had done the same to other women before me, who tried to restrain me inappropriately on several occasions, wanted to slap me during sex, told me he was "crazy", had a history of DV incidents with his ex wife (which he blamed on her ofc).

The amount of times I apologized to these men for "overreacting" or for being "anxious" or "emotional" is horrifying. It is so clear in retrospect that my gut was screaming at me, THIS PERSON IS DANGEROUS, but with their and society's enabling, I attributed my extreme reactions when in their presence to there being something wrong with me.

Well, there's nothing wrong with me and I've got the healthy-relationship and therapy receipts to prove it.

It is very obvious from that body cam footage that Gabby was, and always was, the at-risk party in that relationship. The people acting like Brian was some poor ab00se victim are tripping. Those tears, the panic, her reaction - that was likely her body telling her that that man was a danger to her life, not a sign of general instability on her end.

Frogspocket · 2021-09-20T01:09:56+00:00

I am not doing well emotionally after following this story, so after this last vent here I'm going to step away. Even though Gabby is obviously a stranger to me I can't help but mourn her.

She deserved so much better. Women deserve so much better. They deserve to know the truth about the ABUSE tactics that men use against us.

Women all over are abused and gaslit by their shitty boyfriends like this and then failed by our misogynistic culture (and police force in this case).

And we get labeled "crazy" for even calling it abuse, but IT IS.

Seeing her so distraught in that police footage over HER perceived failure makes me feel so sick. And people commenting things like "this changes everything" and "I see two toxic people" is so disgusting. Part of me wishes I had never even watched it, but I really hope that it stays burned in my memory and into the memories of other people too so that we can continue to fuel our collective "crazy" anger. We can prevent these kinds of tragedies from happening again and again by spreading the word (about what abuse can look like) to other women and girls.

Original1one · 2021-09-20T01:16:10+00:00

there are men in the world who show a personality to the world but in private are abusive. i dated one of those.

people loved him, thought of him to be this amazing guy, but he was so cold and cruel to me. when i saw that footage i had to turn it off because it brought me to a place i have long put behind but i recognized those tears and that anxiety.

Lizard301 · 2021-09-20T00:12:46+00:00

I'm wrecked. Mean, I knew he'd killed her either directly or by abandoning her. (Likely the former.) But the heavy media coverage kept me having a sliver of hope. WHY EVEN ARE MEN?!?!

2340000 · 2021-09-20T00:01:26+00:00

Gabbie's story is so fucking tragic that I've refused to read most news articles.

As soon as she went "missing", I KNEW he killed her. Men do this ALL THE TIME. Women are never believed. Gabbie felt forced to talk about her supposed anxiety because that's the conclusion law enforcement was going to create anyway. I'm sure the male officers who came in contact with her are abusers too.

Society will tell women they have BPD, Bipolar disorder, and codependency before saying they have PTSD and an abusive partner!

Platipus6 · 2021-09-20T00:21:31+00:00

All these male "body language experts" are pissing me the fuck off.

"I don't see abuse here" ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND

"They were feeding off each other" yeah he was winding her up and she was blowing up, duh

"I see two toxic people" well you need your license revoked.

"That officer was really good at calming her down" why not give him a brojob while you're at it

Yet HUNDREDS of women in the comments are all saying the same thing.

We're experts because we've experienced it. We've lived with it. We've been in the same room, house, car and interpersonal relationship as these monsters and we know exactly what we're looking at because we've been Gabby. We've made those noises. We've been that destroyed at the end of hours, days, years of psychological abuse. We've begged men in positions of power for help. We've been dismissed. We've been called crazy. We've apologized for being so cRaZy.

We've been utterly bewildered as to why he's abusing us.

We've been utterly, desperately confused as to why the policeman isn't helping us.

If they wanted to, they would.

Typical_Candle_5627 · 2021-09-20T00:10:00+00:00

i wish someone would open dialogue like this on EVERY news channel. it is so poignantly put and so completely and utterly true… so many creeps would be apprehended WAY before they commit violent crimes or even the WORST imaginable crime against another human being if we collectively stopped gaslighting women into ignoring their intuition and danger signals.

i’ve always been an advocate for mental health bc i believe in today’s world that almost everyone struggles with anxiety to some degree, but now i am starting to get scared to speak out as i have personally had it weaponized against me by men and after seeing cases like this.

So absolutely tragic. Sending prayers to her family. RIP, sweet sweet Gabby.

Golden_Lavender · 2021-09-20T00:42:46+00:00

I hate how stories like these become lessons for women about how to vet, red flags etc. But worse than that I hate that so many women won't follow these lessons anyway because of how society has conditioned women to not listen to their gut instincts. We shouldn't need another women to die as a reminder to practice self preservation

queenofswordsxxx · 2021-09-20T01:08:09+00:00

The way our emotional reactions to abuse (e.g. panic attacks, PTSD etc.) are minimised into mental illness (e.g. anxiety, depression, OCD etc.) is just the repackaging of the same 'She's just crazy' manipulation tactic.

I really wonder if she was actually mentally ill (she admits to OCD, anxiety in the bodycam footage) or if all of this 'hysterical behaviour' was just the byproduct/ side effect of being with an abusive man.

HereForTheFreeFoodOk · 2021-09-20T00:40:01+00:00

Dr Jessica Taylor has a new book coming out called 'Sexy but Psycho'.

It opens up the discussion about how women are painted with the CrAzY brush - when really they are just responding to abuse and trauma by men.

"Hysterical, mad, disordered, crazy, psycho, delusional, borderline, hormonal . . . Women have long been pathologized, locked up and medicated for not conforming to whichever norms or stereotypes are expected of them in that time and space. Sexy But Psycho is a challenging and uncomfortable book which seeks to explore the way professionals and society at large pathologize and sexualise women and girls.
Utilising decades of research, real case studies and new data from her own work, Dr Taylor's book will critically analyse the way we label women with personality disorders. Why are women and girls pathologized for being angry about oppression and abuse? How have so many women been duped into believing that they are mentally ill, for having normal and natural reactions to their experiences?

Sexy But Psycho argues that there is a specific purpose to convincing women and girls that they are mentally ill, as the world avoids addressing violence against women and their centuries of ignored trauma."

karabnp · 2021-09-20T01:19:43+00:00

And reading this right here, is how I found out about Gabbie Petito finally being found in the woods.😒💔 Although, I already had that sinking feeling that this is how she’d be found, and of course, the boyfriend did it.

HOW LONG will this all continue on..?? Women’s VALID concerns, issues, and intuition/gut feelings, being reduced to “mental illness”, “crazy” and “hysteria”??😒

Elegaunt · 2021-09-20T01:09:37+00:00

Yep. Yep yep yep. Weird how mental illnesses, particularly anxiety disorders, seem to go away when we get rid of LVM. Depression? Gone. Anxiety? Gone. Self-esteem issues? Seriously, vanished.

They know exactly how to wind you up. And because you aren't a psychopath, you can't hide the fact that you've been wound up. They on the other hand can turn it off around everyone but you. Because it's a manipulation. It's an act. They target you specifically then blame you for it.

Ladies, you are not ill. You are being psychologically injured by the man you're with.

frustratedmarxistfem · 2021-09-20T01:55:56+00:00

Excellent point. Also a good opportunity to remind everyone that women were routinely lobotomized in the recent past for "hysteria". Lobotomy is when a sharp object is stabbed into the brain to render the person a living shell of a human with no ability to form coherent sentences or think.

I find it odd its never discussed, even amidst this current period where we're all more willing to confront historic oppression

smoskowi · 2021-09-20T02:12:06+00:00

I'm disappointed by how many of my "feminist" Facebook friends were speculating that she could be pulling a Gone Girl. And now they're saying that we can't rush to judgement. I disagree, he definitely killed her. Otherwise he would have wanted to clear his name. Instead he hired a lawyer to filter his message and disappeared. Those are not the actions of an innocent man.

cherryblossom012 · 2021-09-20T00:13:29+00:00

My heart goes out to her and her family!

You're right, our emotional and physical reactions to danger (be it physical, emotional, psychological abuse) are used against us. Unfortunately, it is hard to listen to our intuition if we are not used to using it. The more we use it and rely on it to navigate dangerous situations, the less we second guess our gut reaction, regardless of whether the harm is coming from a stranger or someone we know (platonically or romantically).

Jamiepappasatlanta · 2021-09-20T02:06:35+00:00

I went off at 19 to a foreign middle eastern country with a much older man in 1978. He could have killed me or done god knows what to me. My horrible mother let me go with him. Thank god I told I him wanted to come home to the US before we were supposed to get married. I broke up with him when we got home. I think about this often over the years, I am now 63. I thank god the man was a nice, decent , kind person. If he had been a bad person, evil or abusive, I might not be alive right now. I was young, naive and innocent. So many girls and young women do not have much life experience and put their lives in the hands of men who can abuse and hurt them. I feel like I’m one of the lucky ones. So many are not so lucky. I hope FDS can reach a lot of young women so they can learn from others.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-09-20T02:19:06+00:00

Men will first beat you and mentally abuse you and then pathologize you when you act exactly how they wanted.

It's cliche at this point the number of women I have heard say they had horrible anxiety when they were in there abusive or exploitative relationships and it just evaporated when they finally got away from him.

millennialpink2000 · 2021-09-19T23:53:51+00:00

His actions are the height of male entitlement: I get to decide whether you, a woman, live or die

Superb-Cancel9071 · 2021-09-19T23:59:45+00:00

I have seen so many pick mes latch onto the police perspective about her being "unstable" and "the perp" when it's so clear she was a victim of DV.

BettyX · 2021-09-20T01:15:57+00:00

She probably didn't know the full extent of what he would do but had instinct he was dangerous. Always, Always listen to your instinct, there is actual science behind it as well to listen to your gut.

Peak_Tree · 2021-09-20T01:48:36+00:00

It's always been very clear to me: be a woman with mental health issues in your medical history and you are f*cked. Which is SO unfair because many women need mental health counseling ( In fact I think most people do) but men and intitutions weaponize it like noboby's bussiness

PicoPicoMio · 2021-09-20T02:07:21+00:00

I wish so badly she left his raggedy receding hairline having ass down by road and drove off into the sunset. Unfortunately, this scrote snuffed the life out of a beautiful soul. It breaks my heart. She didn’t deserve this.

Newwavesupport3657 · 2021-09-20T03:15:07+00:00

Fuck, the whole mental health system is based around pathologizing and gaslighting women.

This is why I want to he a psychologist; I think more women would benefit from feminist psychotherapy that is based on actual neuroscience and not male hypothesis.

The amount of therapists that gaslight women.

I literally had a therapist say to me “so what” when I told her my father told me I had a “nice figure” and it made me feel cheap 🤐

My friend’s therapist normalized her husbands porn use and claimed she was the problem.

Women need to stop gaslighting themselves, and women need to stop gaslighting each other cor the sake of men.

instantsilver · 2021-09-20T02:44:19+00:00

The beginning of the body cam footage where she's crying and very distressed absolutely crushed me, I keep thinking about it and how chilling it is now that her body has been found. Then those fucking pigs chopping it up with her abuser and talking about her going to jail. And now he's missing like the coward he is. That poor, poor young woman, my soul hurts for her and her family.

FDSfollower1 · 2021-09-20T01:29:28+00:00

This counts for medical care, too. So many women have their very real symptoms discounted by doctors when they tell the doctors that they suffer from anxiety.

SkiesEclipse · 2021-09-20T02:52:03+00:00

Just think about how incredible sexist the term “hysteria” is. If you look at the etymology of the word, it comes from the Latin “hystericus” which means “of the womb.”

It was deemed a condition exclusive to women, where by they would become insane from a dysfunction in the uterus (the removal of the uterus is called a hysterectomy)

This one may be a bit more of a stretch, but the term “lunacy” in medieval times referred to a condition by which some people would become crazy at certain phases of the moon. Is it a coincidence that “phase of the moon” is also a euphemism for women on their period? That a women’s cycle lasts as long as the cycle of the moon?

If you dig deep, you can see even words that seem innocuous, can have a hidden sexist history, and calling women insane has been a favourite hobby of men.

millions_ofpeachs4me · 2021-09-20T04:26:13+00:00

Yes, all of this.

There are often posts on here from younger women asking for advice, or “what would you tell your younger self” questions. Simple. Listen to yourself. Do not gaslight yourself. You’re not crazy; something is wrong.

Part 2 of that advice is, of course, there is something better out there for you. If that means being along and working on yourself, it is absolutely 10000x better than being in a terrible relationship.

This poor woman died. She could have a) listened to herself and b) happily acknowledged there is something better for her, even if it means some loneliness or short term pain.

L/NVM will be L/NVM. We simply need to stop making excuses for them.

sexualfoodpantry · 2021-09-20T05:02:26+00:00

If your anxiety and depression lets up when a certain person is not around, you're not anxious or depressed, that person is an asshole.

What's even sadder, Gabbie Petito is only one of 1600 women murdered in the US every single year by a man they know.

You could run 4 Gabbie Petito stories in the news every single day.

DesperateExchange184 · 2021-09-20T00:23:06+00:00

It has been absolutely insane to watch people try to come up with any other outcome than she was killed by this man. Even women i know to be feminists were like “maybe she gone-girled herself”. What in the actual fuck. The amount of gaslighting everyone is doing when women are statistically MOST LIKELY TO BE KILLED by an intimate partner. IT HAPPENS CONSTANTLY. Watching other women comment on the YouTube videos of the footage about how she seems crazy and he’s innocent until proven guilty really put me in a dark hole today. Men hate us and WOMEN HATE THEMSELVES and are so brainwashed. This poor woman’s family, i will never stop openly disapproving of any and all shitty men my friends or family are dating. This is what’s at stake.

HereForTheFreeFoodOk · 2021-09-20T04:12:30+00:00

society has loved labelling women as "hysterical" and "crazy" since the dawn of time, because then they dont have to listen to women's legitimate concerns about men.

When we do outline our rational fears about a mans strange behaviour - we are "being sensitive" or "blowing things out of proportion" or "creating drama".

The game is set up so we are always dismissed.

Dull_Introduction_63 · 2021-09-20T04:27:35+00:00

Ladies, I am so glad these conversations are happening. I spent ages 11-19 drugged into a stupor because it was easier to label me as "crazy" than to address the root causes of trauma and abuse. And that's the generous interpretation. The less generous interpretation is that a drugged woman is a compliant woman.

Please consider the possibility that YOU are not the problem before you "consent" to your own chemical lobotomization.

Elena1684 · 2021-09-20T05:01:36+00:00

I was married for 28 years and ended up having a nervous breakdown. I was crazy, he convinced our kids I was crazy and after he left I was no longer crazy. He’s been gone 2.5 years and I’m still not divorced. Tomorrow is pre trial and he’s going to try and convince the judge that he had to leave because I was unstable. I’ve been set up.

fizztaa · 2021-09-20T00:59:54+00:00

She probably wanted to leave him and he wouldn’t allow that.

Also, I’ve noticed this creepy obsession men have with their ex girlfriends/wives when they are separated or divorced of still trying to control their dating lives…. Scares the hell out of me.

jelilikins · 2021-09-20T02:43:15+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ylang_ylang · 2021-09-20T03:42:33+00:00

I feel like this post should be in the New York Times. Women everywhere need this knowledge.

crapcakes0987 · 2021-09-20T02:43:11+00:00

Such beautiful women in this world, with their short lives taken out by disgusting, ugly, abusive scrotes like this. She just wanted to travel with her van and live freely. And a scrote ruined it for her and her family. I hope he suffers. I really hope he did not kill himself so he can rot in jail for the rest of his life.

xfelugirlx · 2021-09-20T02:52:59+00:00

Rest in peace and yes they always minimize us and our problems but they still want their problems to be main character in every relationship like they only matter and us never felt sad or anxious. It happened in my ex relationship that he didn’t wsnt to hear my problems, blaming me because my attitude change when i had problems with my parents or with him, he was the main problem now that he is not around i’m pretty calm. So don’t hear to them, our problems matter.

extragouda · 2021-09-20T06:11:06+00:00

I was in therapy for years and years because of "anxiety". One day a psychiatrist (male) diagnosed me as having "situational depression" and said that if I left my LVM, all my problems would be solved. He also said that staying would result in "tragic consequences" because "men who grow up in violent households statistically repeat violent behaviors", and that my LVM (who had "depression") was faking it in order to manipulate people. This guy had a PhD. He was older, maybe in his 70s. He was experienced. When he said those things to me, younger me was so offended that he might suggest a man's mental health issues were not legit; because (I thought) having mental health issues doesn't mean he didn't "deserve love". So I didn't listen to the psychiatrist. I thought that me and my guy were the "exception". And so... things happened exactly as this psychiatrist said they would: 1) LVex was faking mental health issues and actually had addiction (not sure which came first but he sure used his mental health as a reason to NOT quit... not even when the bank accounts were dry and he started stealing to keep funding his lifestyle), 2) after I married him (I know, I know -- he just lied so much), LVex started to act like his violent father (who should be in jail).

The whole time, I was with him, I was in therapy. I was gaslighted by various (female pickme) therapists who suggested we find time for more "intimacy" in order to solve our issues, which gave this guy a free pass to rape me. I was made to feel unaccommodating because I had to make space for his feelings as he had "depression". Meanwhile, if I didn't want to have sex with a person who was cheating on me, lying to me, verbally abusing me, and stealing from me, I was "withholding sex" because of my "anxiety", which had a terrible effect on his mental health. He might as well have said to me, "let's go to couples counseling and together we can move the goalposts."

F*CK that SHIT. There never was anything nothing wrong with me, except that I was being gaslighted into polishing a turd.

StrainingMyNeurons · 2021-09-20T07:40:33+00:00

I had a nasty awakening about how mental health issues (at least in women) are treated, even though I don’t have any. This is a bit of an old story, but a few years ago I ended up in a car accident, where some asshole rear ended my car so badly, it spun and hit another car in adjacent lane in the middle of rush hour traffic on a bridge in pouring rain. I thought I was going to fly off it and die. Anyway, I didn’t ask for anything other than the dude to admit he was at fault and let his insurance pay a few thousand bucks that my little old beaten up car was worth, as it was my only means of getting to work. He refused to do it and started fucking around, since his parents were lawyers. Unlucky for him, I also had a good lawyer friend, who took my case on and eventually (after four years) got a really decent payout for me, which was way more than what he could have payed if he had been honest. As part of this whole thing, I gave access to all my medical records to my and the other party’s lawyers, thinking I had nothing to hide. The scumbags on the dude’s side dug up some phone call I made to my family doctor from over ten years ago, where I asked if I could get a referral to see a psychologist as I was wondering if I may have had a seasonal affective disorder. I didn’t end up seeing one though, because they sent me a paper letter invitation nine months later to an old address instead of calling me.

Another record was where I had knee pain and was referred to a physio many many weeks later and did not take the appointment, which I did say to the dr that I did not want as my BF at the time was a physio, and that he needed a scan to determine the treatment, and not another physio. So these two instances were enough for the dude’s lawyers to attempt to spin that I was “unreliable, mentally unstable and not engaging with treatment”. Of course it did not fly at all and they ended up having to pay me and the court expenses, but the whole situation made me aware how seemingly innocent little things from the past can be used to paint you as a crazy woman, all over a tiny insurance claim.

modernmedusaa · 2021-09-20T08:31:01+00:00

Your number one job on this earth is to protect yourself and any children.

Number one.

Not to try heal ‘broken’ men or sustain failing / toxic relationships. Not to keep up with the Jones’s.

Your instincts have to come first.

Once you’re in that mindset you won’t spare any feelings for these scrotes.

The reason FDS has a snap happy approach to dating is because women can’t afford to take a chance of an unstable/ dangerous/ abusive or violent man.

This isn’t victim blaming. This is self protection.

Also most abusers are extremely good at working others up whilst making themselves look like the heroic / stable one. They are cool as a cucumber and composed (due to ample practice or lack of fear) so that the victim looks ‘hysterical’ or ‘too sensitive’.

Which is why many of these supposed ‘experts’, including many therapists, don’t pick up on abuse or realise the full impact - as much of it is hidden.

I think it comforts many therapists to see ‘the best’ in people or push for ‘positive outcomes’, as it’s uncomfortable for them to acknowledge there really are evil people out there who are deliberately calculating. There really are people (sometimes close to you) who smile in your face but would kill you given the chance.

There is a thing called ‘toxic positivity’ and many therapists and police officers are guilty of it.

Male police officers themselves are often sexist & will side with the man. They’ve been to many domestic violence cases & seen them get dropped.

Which is odd given the number one hall mark of an abuser/ manipulative person is deception….they will pose as innocent, a hero, the rescuer, the helper etc.

A skilled abuser is going to avoid looking like the violent / toxic/ unstable one in most cases. That’s why it makes sense to read between the lines.

aquietsword · 2021-09-20T07:26:34+00:00

Men have mayyybe a tenth of the intuition and observation skills that women have. Their opinions on body language and if someone seems of or not literally don't matter. Trust yourself and other women that haven't been brainwashed.

Biracial_tooth_fairy · 2021-09-20T00:53:47+00:00

I am deeply upset by this news. I was watching some of these body language youtube channels analyzing brian's behaviour and basically saying that they don't believe he would do anything wrong, especially murder his young fiance, and how believable he comes off as, etc.

I truly believe his family knew and are trying to cover for him, therefore making themselves complicit in her death. How infuriating. Gabbie deserved better. MUCH BETTER. We all do, in fact.

DumpsterWitchy · 2021-09-20T07:47:47+00:00

Lovely how the scrotes voted you down. Just tells you how right you are and how mad they are about you spreading the truth and warning other women.

seashellsupplier · 2021-09-20T09:03:34+00:00

LVM will make any existing disorders (anxiety, depression etc.) a million times worse. It’s especially devious because if you a have a diagnosed anxiety disorder you will be much less likely to trust your intuition. Listen to your gut, it tells you more than a million tests ever could.

MorthaP · 2021-09-20T10:07:52+00:00

I honestly think, and this is my unprofessional opinion, that a lot of anxiety and other mental issues comes from ignoring your intuition over a longer period of time.

InjuryOnly4775 · 2021-09-20T04:55:06+00:00

This is an extremely powerful post, I’ve been thinking along the same lines today, and also feeling extremely grateful that I am not a statistic as I related so much to Gabby in that video. That was me in at least 3 relationships from 15-29.

seraphinelysion · 2021-09-20T02:23:00+00:00

If a woman is ever labeled as "crazy", it's because the man made her that way. Isn't it just weird how these men didn't think she was "crazy" in the beginning and entered a relationship with her willingly? And by the end of it, just somehow she just became "crazy"? She didn't go "crazy" all on her own. She was driven to abnormal behavior because of all the lies, the abuse, the gaslighting, the dismissal, and not meeting any of her needs despite her many pleas.

Don't want a "crazy" woman in your life? Stop being a piece of shit to her.

myeggsarebig · 2021-09-20T10:18:13+00:00

Wow!!!!!!!! I love this so much. I was just talking to a dear friend about this yesterday. I have such a problem with accepting the truth about toxic friends because I’ve been conditioned to believe that I am hysterical, and therefore, so must be my intuition.

Every. Single. Red Flag at first sight was excused, and what’s worse, I gave them a green flag in a pretty bouquet of flowers.

I’m wiser today for having FDS Queens on my side, who tell me straight up - “that person is garbage, block-delete.”

I’m not crazy, insane, too much, mean, or any other adjectives society wants to place on me in an attempt to keep me oppressed and stuck in abusive toxic relationships. I am a lovable, kind, tolerant, loyal friend and if there’s no reciprocity, there’s no relationship. I expect that if we are to consider each other friends, we both agree to nurture the value the friendship in a healthy way. Full stop. Our boundaries are not pathological.

throwaway-fds · 2021-09-20T12:03:26+00:00

Shows that it doesn't matter what your perceived privilege is. Women as a class, as a whole, are entirely fucked. Those (male) cops bonded over their misogyny. She didn't have a chance.

AnniaT · 2021-09-20T08:51:45+00:00

I've read comments on the crime subreddits that maybe BL left Gabby in the woods to die in self defence because she was abusing him and was mentally unstable and using the police report as evidence. Many were playing the "devils advocate" and "let's keep to facts".

MofoMadame · 2021-09-20T04:32:35+00:00

Men are diagnosed with PTSD, while women are diagnosed BPD or Bi-Polar, often when exhibiting the same symptoms.

sleepysiri · 2021-09-20T08:30:45+00:00

My heart breaks for her. God, it breaks so much.

Eris_the_Fair · 2021-09-20T12:03:13+00:00

Thank you, OP. I've been reading FDS for over 2 years, and I think this post may be the most valuable I've ever read. I have experienced this phenomenon my entire life- from my dad, boyfriends, bosses, police officers, male therapists. I can't recall a woman ever discounting me as being simply hysterical.

BasieSkanks · 2021-09-20T15:30:22+00:00

Such a good post, OP. When I was with my ex, any time I brought up something he did wrong or I misspoke, it would turn into a massive argument that lasted for hours. He would always ~~lie~~ say that he never argued with anyone else, so I must be the problem. Funnily enough, I never argued with my friends or other people apart from him and I have not since. When men tell you "this has never happened with other people", they are trying to make you feel like you are the problem, when they know the problem lies with them. Since I have been with my partner, I have only had one disagreement that was resolved within minutes. And we have been together since January. Every day felt like World War III with my ex. Now I know I am not the problem. He is.

Livia_Drusila · 2021-09-20T17:46:33+00:00

1000000000%

Earlier this year I went on a trip and used Tinder to meet people (pre-FDS of course). I met a seemingly chivalrous guy and for some reason I felt so uneasy around him I thought I was going to have a heart attack. He then degraded me sexually and verbally in the most terrible ways, which I sadly didn't consider assault at the moment (thank you, liberal feminism!). Thanks to this whole episode I found you, FDS, and my life changed forever.

If not for men, I'd probably not suffer from an anxiety disorder at all. It all started with my LV ex. I even developed insomnia because he would wake me up in the middle of the night when I was "snoring", and send me to the sofa. Then he'd spend the night watching porn or snorting cocaine. I refuse to believe that I am the sick one. I am gladly scrote-free today, but the anxiety still lingers. I should probably try EMDR therapy, because I'm definitely scarred. Sometimes I go outside and feel like I could disappear or faint. At home, however, I feel 100% calmer than when I was seeing a dangerous scrote, though never totally at peace. Psychopaths mess with your head.

Read The Gift of Fear, everybody, please! I read it in 2019 but had sadly forgotten the main lessons.

AnneJedonia · 2021-09-20T19:18:50+00:00

If you listen in her audio she says “ he’s always saying I can’t do this, I don’t know, he’s such a downer.”

cakewalkofshame · 2021-09-20T19:57:40+00:00

If a man is ever like "yeah my ex was crazy" my assumption is he drove her there and I nope right out. But really, I think the main problem with all this amygdala activation is that we are taught that THAT is love. The heart racing, the butterflies, the obsessive thinking. And we think as long as we have amygdala activation around a man, it ~means something~ and we have to stay no matter how unhappy we are.

FDS-GFY · 2021-09-20T16:08:50+00:00

All this. FDS helped me see how my LVX was escalating. Y’all may have saved my life.

IndividualRoutine661 · 2021-09-20T07:03:52+00:00

This x 100%

My lived experience was crippling depression caused by 1 non working LVM, making me emotionally overeat and pile on weight. With another it was anxiety to the point where my body was so tense I’d wake up multiple times with hypnic shudders so violent he’d complain about them. Both times went on ADs but it not numbed things a little as the root cause was a LVM.

Your body is trying to tell you GTFO

jp2117515 · 2021-09-20T23:37:53+00:00

This is so well written and so spot on! Thank you for your post it has given me a clarity I never saw before. Thank you!

Efflights6 · 2021-09-20T02:24:44+00:00

Please delete Trisha Paytas from your examples, she's not a good person. It delegitimize your post.

Title	Women need to stop pathologizing themselves and start listening to their intuition with men
Author	TERFSareawesome
Upvotes	2165
Comments	202
Date	September 19, 2021 11:37 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/prj54m/women_need_to_stop_pathologizing_themselves_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/women-need-to-stop-pathologizing-themselves-and.1075485 https://theredarchive.com/post/1075485

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