What causes women to not understand that they are being used by top tier men?

Lost-Zebra6453 · 2022-12-09T22:40:46+00:00

Hey I think it’s human nature to want to believe that someone you think is “special” also finds you special despite your flaws.

I think every man here would also be overjoyed if a woman they thought was very beautiful showed interest in them, and they would want to believe that her interest is genuine and would fall harder for her because of this.

I think we are all the same and would all act the same way when presented with the same circumstances, I think maybe women just experience those circumstances more so the men here may say wtf why does she think like this doesn’t she get it, but in truth if the roles were reversed you would also Give in to that bit of hope and romantic idealisation

mumblebumblegrumble · 2022-12-10T02:23:22+00:00

Men at all levels will use a woman if he gets the opportunity. Women know this.

Just like men know there are women at all levels that will use a man for a foodie date.

Getting used when giving the lower tier person a chance is far more humiliating so why do it?

YveisGrey · 2022-12-10T04:20:09+00:00

For the same reason men go to strip clubs, pay OF, marry gold diggers etc… they don’t realize these women aren’t actually interested in them or they don’t care.

Jeshurian77 · 2022-12-09T22:44:47+00:00

Not entirely sure but I would think it's down to hope as someone said.

From what I've seen, it's not just top tier men, it can just be an average guy that doesn't want them and they don't realise.

I think there are few issues at play, one being that women sometimes confuse sex with love and assume he wants her because he desires her. Men sometimes act just nice enough to tolerate but just cold enough to keep her at bay.

But the reality is, if she creates standards (inflated or not) and just stuck to them, she'd see the guy doesn't value her in whatever way she wants to be valued.

The mental acrobats some men and women go through to convince themselves they are desired while doing all the desiring is common.

The other thing is lack of options. If it is that she is going for a guy out of her league and remains exclusive to him in hope of looking "serious" she misses out on the comparison of being treated well.

When put all your eggs in one basket like that you get tunnel vision

learn2earn89 · 2022-12-09T22:48:03+00:00

I have friends who’ve been strung along by non top tier men so it’s not just the chads who pump and dump. As a woman, it’s gotta be confusing when manosphere keeps saying top tier men use women but then when she goes for a guy on her level he still doesn’t care for her.

I don’t date or anything but this is just from my observations. It ain’t just chads.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-12-09T23:54:45+00:00

How come women don't seem to understand that these top tier men have multiple options and usually just use them for sex?

Plenty of men and women aren't just using each other for sex. Many are up front even on the dating apps that they are only looking for something casual and are not open to a relationship.

Sure there are manipulators and people who lack integrity in every gender, but most people are just normal people living their lives, being fairly honest about their intentions.

Plenty of women realize men have other options. Plenty of men realize women have options. Most mature people understand if someone doesn't want a relationship they will shy away from it or be adamant about not wanting one.

You implying that most "top tier" men are manipulative jerks is misandrist and misrepresentative. There are plenty of men of all "tiers" as you refer to them who are open about what they are looking for.

Some people are manipulators, yes. Some people are gullible yes. And quite a lot of people are just out there trying to do the right thing and find a good match, whether for the short term or the long term.

Also there are plenty of men who don't meet any of your definitions of "top tier" who are manipulators as well. And many who are not.

James_Cruse · 2022-12-10T05:54:43+00:00

The reason can be boiled down to: Men get rejected upfront - Women get rejected much later.

Women think that men sleeping with them = this guy loves me + wants to commit to me

Why do women think this? Because that’s how women think when they sleep with a man due to their hormone activity for bonding. Women wrongly think men think the same as them, which is part (or all) of the motivation women generally sleep with men in the first place - to get more commitment.

Men will sleep with women that are willing to sleep with them that turn them on - that’s all. Men aren’t chasing commitment.

itsokiloveu · 2022-12-10T00:22:57+00:00

I’m currently celibate until a man actually cares about me enough to commit. The secret is refusing to sleep with them so you can immediately weed out the ones who aren’t interested in you as a person. Ladies, do not have sex with men unless you’re completely okay with casual sex or they want to be with you.

alangarkel · 2022-12-09T22:40:01+00:00

Just because a man isn’t committing doesn’t mean he’s “top tier”.

I have seen dudes who thought they had options but were overconfident/too lazy to pursue them, and then they had to settle hard just like these chicks. And now we are starting to have the mid-life crises, which are sad and totally avoidable

And stupid women exist, just like stupid men; I don’t know why you fellas want them

jjlew922 · 2022-12-09T23:36:49+00:00

Most women and girls know better and eventually exit a situation in which they’re being used for sex. A “just sex” normally takes some effort on the guys part to keep a girl coming back, outliers aside. The biggest issue are the “situationships”, these are not one and the same, a fwb could be this type of scenario where a girl is thinking a relationship is possible but in a guys mind it’s not going to be much more so he strings her along. In the end, it’s unfortunate, but it’s the man, not the woman, in these scenarios who is being narcissistic. As a human being, we all want the best we can get, it’s why we strive for goals in life.

WilNotJr · 2022-12-10T00:50:37+00:00

Bruh, if she keeps getting them but can't keep one long she is going to think they eventually one will stay with her. She isn't going to think that she is dating out of her league, whatever that even means.

Imagine if, as a man, you can get date after date with different beautiful women but they don't stay around long after the date. You wouldn't think you were being used for free dinners if you could keep getting dates with other beautiful women. You would think that there was no spark but eventually they're will be and you'd keep trying.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-12-09T22:38:31+00:00

Love and sex and more closely intertwined for women, so it makes sense that she’d be more likely to catch feelings and want to believe things could work out because the alternative is too painful.
Most women aren’t singularly focused on extracting sex the way men are. Many of these women may have projected their own mating goals onto men, which means they’ve made the mistake of thinking that if he was willing to repeatedly stick his dick in her, he must be interested in her as a person. Sadly, the opposite is probably true.

Edit: the unsolicited comments from men here are wild 😂

neetykeeno · 2022-12-10T02:12:54+00:00

Yeah whatever. Women learn about the best and worst of maleness when they have a relationship with a sexy guy who doesn't care about them.

What loser dudes are scared of isn't so much that a woman might get her heart broke and still not understand. That's actually good for loser dudes, gives her some unsureness and moments of vulnerability during which she might fall on a lesser guys cock.

What loser dudes are scared of is the experience actually opening up a woman's eyes. Because once she knows what the best and worst are like, you're never going to have a chance with her if as a man you have to offer almost none of the best and almost all of the worst, which is an accurate description of many of the guys who we see online complaining about women. Those guys might have to address their deficiency... something they have carefully avoided doing for years.

It is in our interest as a society for all those loser dudes to have to get their shit together or fail to breed if they can't/won't.

crookedsummer2019 · 2022-12-09T23:15:51+00:00

Some people see what they want to see and filter things to feed into their hope.

It’s not gender specific or related to SMV either.

2022-12-10T10:08:39+00:00

Average (even ugly) men are just as likely to 'use' women as 'chads' are. Any woman can pertain to this.

Coolio_Street_Racer · 2022-12-09T23:23:10+00:00

Sometimes you can get lucky. I think a lot men want to believe that women are also not enjoying themselves. They are in as much misery as them. Especially incels .

Some women just like flings without attachment. Not every women is looking for a ltr all the time. They get horny and want to fuck good looking men and they can. So why wouldn’t they?

The reality is women are having fun hoeing around. It has its ups and downs. But it’s not even close to the misery incels feel.

womandatory · 2022-12-10T00:06:01+00:00

This is part of the dilemma that gets rinsed and repeated on this sub all the time.

It’s largely due to youth and inexperience. Young women (just like young men) have been groomed to expect certain things from relationships, and at 18-25 as a woman, those things actually include being treated like shit by men, because it happens to so many other young women it becomes expected. By the time women hit their mid 20s, most have decided they don’t enjoy being treated like shit and seek a relationship with a guy who will treat her with respect.

Most of the men on this sub like to blame women for this, when they’d do better by calling out men who treat women like shit. But of course men don’t like holding other men accountable for poor behavior, because when they need the shield of numbers, they call on those same men to defend their own shit behavior.

It’s so much easier to just blame women for falling for the low bar set by men and calling them whores for trying to make it work with a worthless piece of shit guy. That way, the guys who are missing out on dating when they’re young can say they are single because women are ‘hoes’ and when they do start dating, they can treat women like shit themselves and feel superior about it because they joined the club.

Far be it for men to tell their friends to stop treating women like shit.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-12-09T22:43:56+00:00

I think guys tend to not realize how shitty even normal guys can be. Oh he didn't text you good morning? Even average Joe will forget sometimes. Oh he didn't call you after fucking, he's just trying to play it cool obviously. He didn't buy you a birthday gift? Don't be so materialistic...

A lot of the red flags about how players act is just how men are.

kayman79 · 2022-12-10T02:16:07+00:00

If you ask most people who play the lottery, they know that they probably won't win but the excitement of the possibility of winning is enough to hook them. It's the same with women and "top tier" men. But there's one big difference between the two. The women who gamble on the top tier guys don't want it to be their fault if things go badly in the pursuit of those men who have many options. So they feign ignorance to the fact that they're essentially playing the lottery.

Mission-Bath-7538 · 2022-12-10T04:58:01+00:00

What’s a top tier man?

Apprehensive_Cut_146 · 2022-12-09T22:54:38+00:00

What causes men to not commit to a woman with a different body count than his?

What causes a man to not want to commit to a woman bellow his league?

TrailWraith · 2022-12-09T22:45:50+00:00

People like to think they’re going to be the exception.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-12-09T22:40:35+00:00

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Durderian · 2022-12-10T01:57:36+00:00

women deeply idealize a guy they like basically. The kind of love you had when you were 14 and dated the girl you loved, and you only saw the good in her. Gets beaten out of men really quick.

Green-Quantity1032 · 2022-12-10T01:59:26+00:00

They're only on twitter.

In real life they know it's for fun and move on with their lives.

There's a difference when the guys signals he's trying for relationship by implying falling in love and/or over-girlfriends the girl.

takethelovepill · 2022-12-10T20:27:41+00:00

The same reason average guys simp for 9s and 10s. Wishful thinking + delusion = desperate ppl content to punch way above their weight. It’s a hill they want to die on.

toasterchild · 2022-12-09T22:44:04+00:00

Who cares? There are a million ways to make bad choices when dating, that is sort of the point of dating. Make some bad picks until you don't then keep that one. Sometimes your picker is off for one reason or another, if you are lucky you will figure it out if you aren't you will repeat the same patterns. This is nothing new or special, just dating.

Barneysparky · 2022-12-09T23:37:18+00:00

What causes men to believe that the average woman is being used by top-tier men is a better question.

Or how about what causes average men to believe they have a chance with top-tier women?

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-12-09T22:19:31+00:00

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Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-12-09T22:37:10+00:00

Can't relate.

davross-deja-vu · 2022-12-09T22:47:56+00:00

this comment is from lower males looking up at alpha males and not understanding how females cant see there being used, for those females relationships are about getting something and rising above there statues, a bit like getting a higher paying job, not finding a companion and a friend for the rest of there lives, so don't feel sorry for them they are going for job interviews base on false premises and failing, and handing it out costs nothing to those females, don't feel sorry for them, be fake like them, buy a suite and gold chains and rings and fuck them also, the world is a tragic, stupid comedy and at the end you die.

Bunny_and_chickens · 2022-12-10T02:06:41+00:00

This is not common what are you going on about?

uglysaladisugly · 2022-12-09T23:19:55+00:00

We would be used just the same by the others.. But they're less hot.

123QWERa · 2022-12-09T23:28:15+00:00

Sexual economics doesn't make sense at all. Economics is entirely a social construct, and yet the theory of sexual economics demands a pretty evolutionary approach to dynamics. If TRP thought women were evolutionary conditioned to only aim for Chad, then what would be the point in criticising them for it?

According to you a woman should turn down any man who is better looking than her, and the same level too. Considering that out of ten summation of looks does have a large subjective dimension everyone has a range out of ten. So if we were talking about a bang on average woman, she may have a range of 4-6. So according to you she should aim for 3 and below.

Now, if that's who she wants she should go for it. But then you guys would come along and say AF/BB. So she really should have just married the first guy who was less good looking than her that showed her any interest. Now I can see why you'd believe that if you only consider the male perspective. But I don't see why that would be logical or pleasant for a woman, and nobody of any gender wants to do something which isn't at least one of those two things.

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Mrs_Drgree · 2022-12-09T22:35:57+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2022-12-09T22:39:46+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2022-12-09T22:55:15+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2022-12-09T22:59:56+00:00

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Willow-girl · 2022-12-09T23:38:04+00:00

It's because women have long been socialized to view sex as a bargaining chip, as something they give out in the expectation of receiving something in return (besides just a good time).

Midaycarehere · 2022-12-10T00:40:31+00:00

I can’t sleep with someone unless I love them. And then when I do sleep with them, it intensifies 100x. I can’t say I’ve fallen trap to this, but hookup culture is wild. So many people ready to just give it all away for one night. Men and women. So weird to me.

No_Reflection_798 · 2022-12-10T02:52:08+00:00

Yeah, hope.

Also jealousy of other women who brag about how awesome their guy is. It's their version of the numbers game. Men swipe on apps knowing that eventually something will click. Women also assume "eventually", too.

Segue: I think women want men to change between the dating and marriage stages because during dating, the woman wants to feel that she's attached to something hot and exciting and desired by other women. But, after marriage, then her social capital is tied to the guy, and he better clean himself up and become upstanding and successful - so that she doesn't feel lesser than the women around her. I've seen several regretful women claim that it was a mistake to leave their guy because of "Instagram Standards" - another example of social media being harmful. Or a woman's girlfriends encouraging her to have an affair against her loving husband, only because they are jealous of her happy relationship.

Another segue: Jordan Peterson needs to get himself checked for dyslexia. In almost every video I watch of him, he switches the word he means to say with the exact opposite word. He did it here between the words "disadvantage" and "advantage".

But, my main point is that I believe that this is closely tied to the other facet of women having impossibly long lists of deal-breaker demands. You can immediately tell from sight if a man is 6 feet tall and handsome. So, those boxes are checked. Maybe he'll also be good with my children, and not have children of his own. Maybe he'll be spontaneous, but also like to plan things. Maybe my dog will like him, and he won't be a Cat Dad. Maybe he'll have a lot of resources, but also have a lot of time to spend with me.

The visual boxes can get checked immediately, but the intangibles take time to sus out. By then, she's already increased her body count.

But, like this comedian says, "This man don't look like that man."

https://youtu.be/DkJCA89jByQ?t=45

suj1290 · 2022-12-10T03:03:57+00:00

Quite few of them understand that they are being used but they don't care specially low value women.They know they can't get exclusive with high quality man so they try to get the vet thy can get from those guys and that is sex and validation .Most women do know who can commit to them and who never will but they don't care

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-12-10T07:51:09+00:00

It’s the same way a man will simp over a more attractive women and do anything for her with out realising he has no chance

question5423 · 2022-12-10T10:32:12+00:00

It's like asking what prevents mavens or programmers from not realizing that they are "exploited" by start up founders and capitalists.

DUDE

Those capitalists provide BETTER option, higher salary and so on. Those who call it exploitation are just envy commies.

The same way I am actually confused if some women don't aim for the top.

Sure top men do not love them as much as bottom men. So? Who told you women want to be loved?

They want top men.

In fact, one of the good way to signal I am in top is to act bored and also chase a bunch of different women.

I wrote an article about it.

Women chasing top men is normal. It's people bitching about it that's weird.

https://www.reddit.com/r/DifferentAngle/comments/zho3s3/if\_women\_prefer\_the\_rich\_how\_can\_there\_be\_any/

LoverBaite · 2022-12-10T11:32:37+00:00

friendzone and fuckzone, two sides of a coin

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-12-10T19:06:31+00:00

First off, it’s not just top-tier men, and not even just men, who will use other people. Women don’t realize when they’re being used for sex for mostly the same reasons men don’t realize when they’re being used for money. Because a) the other person doesn’t want you to realize it, and b) nobody wants to think that’s what’s happening. Most people want to think the best of others and want to think they are desirable themselves. It’s not always narcissistic, just human. In fact, it’s the users who are more likely to be narcissistic.

Furthermore, there often isn’t enough of a gap in attractiveness as to seem weird or impossible. This whole idea of “chads” having below average women on their rotation… yeah, I’m very skeptical about that to say the least. It can be just an okay-looking fuckboy playing women who are more or less his looksmatch. Beautiful women can even be fucked over by some seriously mediocre dudes. Now female gold diggers do tend to target older and less attractive guys, but attractive men aren’t immune either, and not all gold diggers are particularly gorgeous.

SexiestmanaliveOG · 2022-12-10T19:16:37+00:00

They know it and they don't care. It's better to be in Chad's harem than date an average man.

Any_Championship_654 · 2022-12-10T20:24:28+00:00

They understand, they do not care. How many women go fuck famous athletes and artists knowing it's just a one time thing?

sadbitch55 · 2022-12-11T22:35:37+00:00

I have witnessed some cases like that, and when I asked about it, she said that she did not want to be alone. Most of these people have issues with introspection and lack of self-critical approach. Also, they are often "live in the moment" and do not have much "preserving" instinct.

Astromythicist · 2022-12-26T22:09:28+00:00

Everyone tries to justifiy abuse by someone they desire...

MarjieJ98354 · 2022-12-09T23:16:37+00:00

I understand the usury. What average men don't understand is that a woman may want quality over, well nothing. If a top tier man takes me out wines and dines me, then pumps and dumps, it's a lot better that the average guys Netflix and chill on your dime pump and dump. I'm just saying!!

TraditionUnable9770 · 2022-12-10T01:57:45+00:00

It's a myth that only top men use women. It's something men do regardless of how they look. Same with women. Just because a woman isn't beautiful doesn't mean she's a good person.

Gilmoregirlin · 2022-12-09T22:50:45+00:00

Because the men lie to them and human nature is to believe people.

SmilesLikeMardiGras · 2022-12-09T23:04:40+00:00

the male seductive behavior they engage in that works on a subconscious and subrational level

Academic-Principle14 · 2022-12-10T00:42:47+00:00

Because it’s better for their egos to live in lala land by pretending that top tier men actually want them(not just their pussies), instead of realizing they are average and will only get commitment from average guys. It’s painful for women to face.

Pitiful_Maiden · 2022-12-10T17:41:56+00:00

They are arrogant and see themselves as the prize so it doesn't even cross their mind that someone else might only have sex with them due to easy access.

Angelio72 · 2022-12-09T23:28:24+00:00

Are you asking why young people in this ego generation who get 100+ likes owervalue themselves ?

Men who haven't got touched by a women are overvalueing themselves here..

_demidevil_ · 2022-12-10T08:36:19+00:00

Because the guy manipulates them, sending them mixed messages, getting their hopes and keeping them interested so he knows he can always go to her for sex.

HolyPipidastra · 2022-12-09T23:23:44+00:00

Although they can easily get sex

You mean they can easily give sex away? It's like saying men can easily be friends with women. Big brain.

How come women don't seem to understand that these top tier men have multiple options and usually just use them for sex?

Good question, I'm wondering the same thing. For the same reason why so many below average looking men approach solid 7s at bars and try to Netflix and chill them. It depends. Some women are oblivious to where they really stand. Some are oblivious to the dynamic of the dating game. Some are just shooting their shots. If you fuck enough good-looking guys one of them will like you enough to stick around, I guess. Some enjoy cat and mouse.

The other thing is people are guided by emotions and impulse and never logic and rationality. Do fat people not understand that a hamburger will bring more negative emotions than positive emotions?

szclimber · 2022-12-10T00:39:35+00:00

They having conseual sex with guys they like, thats not being used. Usually one of the guys enters a longer term relationship with her.

JarJarCapital · 2022-12-10T02:41:39+00:00

Who's using who? Why are men "using" women simply because they're both casually fucking each other?

Pretty sexist to assume that average women get nothing from having good sex with hot men.

Nevawill3001 · 2022-12-10T16:22:22+00:00

I think part of the problem is that a lot of women seem to confuse ATTENTION with INTENTION. So they’ll confuse a man’s willingness to sleep with them and the means that he’ll use to do so as an expression of a willingness to commit to a relationship also.

Perhaps part of the problem is a lack of father figures maybe? I’d be open to any suggestions

Teflon08191 · 2022-12-09T23:25:33+00:00

Top tier men wouldn't "use" someone.

spicygraps · 2022-12-10T03:55:36+00:00

Sometimes, my other women friends see it as a game. As if they aren’t like every other woman he’s been with. As if their pussy is somehow magically different, and that their personality is wonderful enough to bag him. It’s delusion, just as men can be about themselves.

Then? They’re deflated and broken when he doesn’t stay in spite of how great they thought they were. They think they’re some catch. I comfort them, because if I didn’t they would have my scalp on a platter.

I met a ‘high value’ man a long time ago. We never made thing exclusive until it felt right, because why rush anyone or anything? I try to remind them to be casual, but they rush. Don’t rush into men either. Neither party wins when one rushes the other, it seems = power imbalance guaranteed.

raeva_ignite · 2022-12-10T08:35:05+00:00

I had the opposite happen where they think they are unworthy of me insecure and that I'm too out of their league and they downgrade. I'm not even making this up nearly all of them verbatim has said this and I can see the insecurity coming out through them. It's too bad because I'm not a shallow person I really fall for someone character , chemistry and soul but if the other person doesn't feel good enough there isn't much you can do.. no matter how much you try to convince them that they are enough, if they themselves feel unworthy and not ready then it's game over. Also most people know they just are in denial of being used, they want to override their intuition but the gut feeling knows

JoeRMD77 · 2022-12-10T14:21:48+00:00

I've come to realize that this is just how dating works for a lot of people. Even my 5'8 fat ass has used women for sex who wanted to date me. In reality, I don't think these guys really ever settle down - I know I have no plans to.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-12-09T22:34:38+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2022-12-09T22:35:03+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2022-12-09T23:03:05+00:00

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festethefoole1 · 2022-12-09T23:51:17+00:00

I knew, absolutely knew what the top female response would be.

“Oh no, it’s not just the ‘Chads’ who do it! It’s ugly men below our level as well!”

Please, total piffle. No average guy who really likes a girl and for whom she’s above his level just randomly moves on when it’ll be nigh-on a year before he gets to so much as get laid again.

Fit-Faithlessness149 · 2022-12-10T00:03:22+00:00

I have said it before but I'll say it again. Because of the small number of women on these apps compared to the large amount of men almost every match a man gets is somebody that he considers beneath his league. Except in the case of particularly attractive men who will actually get somebody that is their looks match most women are reaching up when it comes to matching men. This makes the men not want to commit and instead try to get sex or a situationship. The economics speaks for itself. Once in a blue moon I will get a woman who I actually consider attractive and my looks match. Anytimes our conversations don't go anywhere because I end up getting ghosted because the woman obviously found someone more desirable than me. But I have managed to get a couple of relationships out of these but other than that it has always been a situationship for me.

leetcodelyfer · 2022-12-10T07:19:53+00:00

top tier men get married

i think if she's top tier too it shouldn't be problem... it's hard to find value match in dating world if you're at an edge on the bell curve

LeButtMonkey · 2022-12-10T08:55:17+00:00

Hubris.

2022-12-10T19:08:59+00:00

Thinking top tier or HVM equals “good.”

Title	What causes women to not understand that they are being used by top tier men?
Author	TraditionUnable9770
Upvotes	116
Comments	479
Date	December 9, 2022 10:15 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zhag1u/what_causes_women_to_not_understand_that_they_are/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-causes-women-to-not-understand-that-they-are.1144343 https://theredarchive.com/post/1144343

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