Are women actually attracted to toxic men?

ppd_alt · 2023-05-24T13:33:01+00:00

They're not attracted to the toxicity per se (well... some are, but they're a minority), but rather they're attracted to the willingness to act, lack of self-consciousness, low inhibition, and confidence that men with dark triad traits display.

The toxicity is an unfortunate side-effect, but most women will tolerate it in order to be with someone they find attractive.

I've experienced it my whole life. I'm far below average looking. However, I have zero inhibitions, zero sense of shame, and no self-consciousness whatsoever. Those traits have made me attractive to women far beyond "my league".

MalePsychopath · 2023-05-24T13:56:10+00:00

Women are attracted to handsome masculine men. Doesn’t matter if they are toxic or not.

Glittering_Ad_1415 · 2023-05-24T17:05:18+00:00

Women like hot guys. Ugly men with the dark triad aren’t getting shit. Hot nice men get snatched up, and allow themselves to get snatched up because they want commitment/ are faithful. That’s what makes them nice. All that’s left are the hot players, which men on this sub seem to focus on exclusively.

Stunning_Thing4208 · 2023-05-24T14:05:20+00:00

The one's with daddy issues are

JNRoberts42 · 2023-05-24T14:18:23+00:00

Nice Guys incorrectly assume that behaving as a neuter makes one a high value gentleman. Most younger women possess a typical sex drive and are interested in sex or at least interested in making out. An apparent lack of interest or a dull-to-non existent sexual identity doesn’t inspire physical attraction.

It’s entirely possible to hold doors and show up with flowers and still grab ass when there is mutual attraction. An interest in sex doesn’t make a man a jerk. But a man without a sexual identity is a friend.

Rude_Macaron2021 · 2023-05-24T13:31:13+00:00

Yes, but not because those men are toxic.

Women are attracted to men that are unpredictable, interesting and bold. Some good men are like that, but almost every toxic man has to be like that... I mean, you have to be brave to break social and legal expectations easily.

Of course, women pay for this when they are beaten in relationships and then ask for actually nice guys for help and ask authorities to spend public money into fixing their terrible dating decisions. The guy gets out of jail and of course they run to him. The guy is jailed and of course they sign petitions to release him. Many women basically act like children, they still want others to clean their mess and pay for their irresponsibility.

Rahim556 · 2023-05-24T18:03:53+00:00

Yes, because tingles.

Attractive assholes are superior in the eyes of women to unattractive non assholes.

2023-05-24T22:59:18+00:00

No. Women are attracted to good-looking confident men.

Due to the nature of our society, some of those men happen to be toxic. The toxic traits aren't obvious at the start. With apps and globalization, the loss of tight-knit social networks, it's harder to vet for toxic people who make good first impressions. Women are human and misjudge character, like anyone else.

eye_of_gnon · 2023-05-24T23:49:07+00:00

Shit-starting assholes won't attract every woman, but they seldom go without women. On average they probably are more successful in getting dates

bifewova234 · 2023-05-24T14:23:29+00:00

"the results of our study demonstrate that the Dark Triad male personality is attractive to women" https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886913012245

DumbWordsmith · 2023-05-24T14:33:53+00:00

IMO many women are, because those men are often unabashedly masculine and unpredictable (and, as a result, provide an exhilarating experience filled with "sparks" and "butterflies"), but most women know those men are, on average, unfit for long-term relationships, so they tend to stay away from them.

That said, many women probably cheat on their long-term, stable partners with those men, and some women are incapable of being satisfied with anything other than a "badboy."

Confidence plays a role in their attraction, sure, but there's way more to it. Women seem to be drawn to the fantasy of taming the beast (AKA "fixing" him). It's too popular of a trope to ignore.

social_mule · 2023-05-24T19:35:01+00:00

Not exactly. Women (and men) are more likely to ignore or forgive toxicity in people they're already attracted to.

abaxeron · 2023-05-24T15:15:58+00:00

It doesn't matter if they're "attracted" or not. This is what matters:

"a British cohort study found that the 10% most antisocial men father 27% of the children (Jaffee, Moffitt, Caspi, & Taylor, 2003)."

xxxxxxxxxxx

LotBuilder · 2023-05-24T16:11:14+00:00

They are attracted to dark triad traits. You can have dark triad traits without being “toxic”.

_____ad_____ · 2023-05-24T19:43:57+00:00

It’s not the toxicity itself but the other traits that those men have that are attractive to women. They are mostly very confident, powerful and willing to take action. This shows women that they could be safe with this man because he wouldn‘t be too afraid to protect her in the face of danger or in social situations. Toxic men are also not toxic a lot of times where the woman experiences how the man can make her feel so they try to get that same feeling back when he is behaving in a toxic way which is why so many women get stuck in those relationships. This hot and cold behavior is a common narcissist tactic which creates a strong bond. But there are also many women who grew up without a good father figure or some other issues which can lead to this as well. I know a woman in her late 40s who has only ever been with toxic men because she doesn’t get attracted to the „harmless“ ones. She had a very dysfunctional family dynamic when she was growing up. If a woman is mentally healthy she will probably be less attracted to toxic men or find it easier to leave them when they show those characteristics.

studentsensei · 2023-05-24T13:30:07+00:00

They say you attract more bees with honey than vinegar

Well “toxic” traits tend to be honey to young women.

Being nice kind and thoughtful isn’t bad for a man but it’s not viscerally attractive unless you’re already attractive physically

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-05-24T13:31:01+00:00

Some are. Most aren’t. The ones that are usually have their own issues.

Vapelord420XXXD · 2023-05-24T16:14:05+00:00

Women love to pretend that these toxic guys are genius Machiavellian manipulators to excuse bad choices. You can smell these guys a mile away, but they still choose them because they are exciting, handsome, and often dangerous/ criminal. Gangsters get laid way more than regular guys. It's one of the biggest reasons why young men join gangs.

Eschew_Sloth-232 · 2023-05-24T16:20:38+00:00

Yes, in my experience there is a VAST gap in what women say they are attracted to and what actually triggers desire. This should not make men resent women, they are not evil or intentionally deceitful but the arch of human evolution has created a paradox where the old brain is fighting the new brain.

The traits women evolved to desire were nurtured in a harsh, dangerous epoch the hardwiring embedded from the early experiences of humans now exist in an environment of enormous relative safety and have little relevance to modern life.

So when women say what they are attracted to they are responding from their ideal self image of a modern relatively free woman but the the underlying firmware is unchanged and certain men trigger that much better than others.

Atomic_Thr0away · 2023-05-24T19:56:29+00:00

As /u/MalePsychopath said below "Women are attracted to handsome masculine men. Doesn’t matter if they are toxic or not."

But I'll add that "toxic" men (dark triad) guys can mimic the decent and competent men, for a while.

Both men have a few things that look the same. He's different (or appears different/unique), he's indifferent, not a SIMP (or pretending), he is/appears to be competent, seems to be on his own path.

I'd also like to point out that, there's always going to be some woman somewhere that deems some behavior of any random man to be toxic. If he is the dominant and his gf/wife is more submissive, there are plenty of women out there that would "find" something "toxic" about him and their relationship.

It's wild how women seem to think they are better judges of what's right and wrong and 'toxic', and so many of them end up picking these exact same guys. I swear, part of them does it so they don't have to be held accountable if (when) shit goes sideways. When the relationship fails, they can blame him. We're not allowed to ask why she picked him. And even if you did, she's say he was Dr. Jekell and Mr Hyde ie: he changed.

Which really means, he didn't change into what I wanted him to change into.

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-05-24T20:07:13+00:00

Women don’t usually know they’re toxic until it’s too late. Some men are really good actors

AdhesivenessLevel379 · 2023-05-24T23:28:25+00:00

Personally it’s something the majority of women grow out of once they realise how exhausting and miserable life is with a toxic guy.

The ‘attraction’ is a disorganised attachment defined by high highs and low lows.

In my case, it got old quick and I moved on to someone who isn’t toxic at all. I’m far more attracted to him and far happier :)

prizefighterstudent · 2023-05-25T00:15:19+00:00

Yes if they're handsome or edgy; not that complicated.

Treacle-Flimsy · 2023-05-24T13:31:18+00:00

Yes, they are. Inconsistent emotionally unavailable guy = guy who gives tingles. Thoughtful guy isn't

kalashhhhhhhh · 2023-05-24T13:53:13+00:00

I'm not. Some women are genuinely attracted to toxic traits. Usually the ones that love drama and have a myraid of personal issues themselves.

A lot of men conflate not taking shit from others, banter, confidence, idgaf attitude and love for partying with toxic traits.

mlo9109 · 2023-05-24T13:46:03+00:00

No, but toxic men are so good at hiding their shit that their facade is attractive to us.

96tillinfinity_ · 2023-05-24T14:27:00+00:00

There are a lot of women who are. Those are the type of women who should be avoided for long term relationships. Young men often confuse women wanting masculine traits with “toxic”

There are a lot of masculine traits that can be often misconstrued and deemed “toxic”

Being hard nosed, confident, stoic, non-emotional, and taking no ones bullshit are masculine traits/behaviors that women are instinctively attracted to that can be confused with being “toxic”

For example, you often hear women complain about a guy they are dealing with being “self centered and narcissistic”. Meanwhile the guy is just confident and puts himself first before a woman.

anjovis150 · 2023-05-24T14:23:50+00:00

Women are attracted to confidence. Many toxic people are confident.

Supreme_Salt_Lord · 2023-05-24T14:50:01+00:00

No women are attracted to confident men. These toxic men ooze confidence because they dont give a shit about others or their partner. Women dont like them either once they figure out how horrible they are. Same as when a woman doesnt like an insecure man that fronted his confidence.

Pathosgrim · 2023-05-24T15:04:29+00:00

Attractive* Toxic men.

Luciansleep · 2023-05-24T15:16:23+00:00

Yes from my experience of you ain’t at least a little toxic then they will just lose feelings

BrummieAMN19 · 2023-05-24T18:31:04+00:00

Its what we display that are attractive moreso than we are toxic people tbh along with these women having their own problems or them lying/not understanding certain actions lol.

Unless you're in certain socio-economic classes or you're dealing with women of a certain race in England and in America where criminality=masculinity to the point where a 5"5 gangbanger with no morals can be more sexually successful than some clean cut 6ft model looking dude with these women cause the former is a criminal.

Also the idea that all these toxic men are handsome/automatic negative traits assigned to them just because men on here are jealous of them is nonsense and blatantly have never hung out which bad men/criminals.

SillyMushroomTip · 2023-05-24T18:43:46+00:00

Women want Man that give her "feelings" but not lovey dovey kind of feelings

She wants the guy that doesnt give a fuck, treats her like a after thought, and make her emotions go up and down.

AnyIntroduction3288 · 2023-05-24T19:28:43+00:00

The women who are attracted to toxic men either have mental health issues or are toxic themselves. A woman who is healthy and nontoxic will not want a toxic man.

Edit: also low self esteem. If she hates herself she is more likely to tolerate toxicity.

thetacobitch · 2023-05-24T20:16:11+00:00

Toxic men are often manipulative. Manipulation creates feelings of confusion and insecurity that can often lead to feelings that feel like genuine interest.

Men on this sub get pissed that women can be manipulated and end up with assholes.

If you ask any woman, no. They don’t like toxic men. But we often find ourselves with them because we too are humans.

The end.

OnenutFellow · 2023-05-24T23:14:56+00:00

Many toxic guys are bullies and therefore dominant and confident so that’s the part women find attractive.

Hoopy223 · 2023-05-25T01:14:43+00:00

Absolutely yes. Theres an element of wanting to fix him/save him from himself. And the Forbidden Fruit sort of thing. They will deny it or say its a tiny number of women but its not.

And if the guy is handsome/persuasive? Straight up kryptonite.

Caze588 · 2023-05-25T02:02:29+00:00

Yup they are

Monkebizniss · 2023-05-25T03:40:05+00:00

No, but if you’re one of the men women are attracted to, you can get away with being toxic.

MiaRX22 · 2023-05-25T14:36:12+00:00

We're attracted to men who are exciting, confident, and make us feel good and challenged. Sometimes these men are toxic. If you think all attractive men are toxic or dark triad you've completely missed the mark

DerayRevan · 2023-05-24T13:26:14+00:00

This is a variety question but it just comes down to your experience and what you observe

For other people here that's the case and others not

I also find some toxic traits aren't even toxic

Like if a guy kicks out a girl because she doesn't wanna smash him

C'mon, either suck dick or get off his property 🤷

No_Yogurt_4602 · 2023-05-24T15:35:18+00:00

Whenever people bring up the Dark Triad, they seem to gloss over the fact that one of the three is literally Machiavellianism and the other two are good at simulating desirable traits like confidence. Girls who get manipulated into thinking a guy's cool and self-assured aren't falling for him because being an egotistical psychopath is just so irresistibly attractive to women; they're falling for them because they're being manipulated. And while that might be enough to get some short-term partners, it's pretty much a given that (a) those "relationships" don't last terribly long and (b) they don't end particularly well.

So yes, be assertive, but don't be deliberately disagreeable. You can be confident and valued in a social setting without being a dick, just by being comfortable with who you are and what you're bringing to the table (and a big part of that comfort comes from active self-knowledge and self-improvement). I'm pretty sure that everyone, irrespective of gender, can think of times when the most prominent person in a group interaction was like a pretty chill dude who just seemed like he had control over himself, worthwhile things to say, and managed to both not let others dictate the terms of a conversation and not low-key harass people into submission when there was friction.

toasterchild · 2023-05-24T13:53:35+00:00

Their personality traits make them more attractive at first but it wears off once you get to know them. The real sweet spot women look for is the confident, assertive guy who isn't a fucking psychopath. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference at first. But honestly i would rather date someone who i have to dump for being shitty later than someone who is like a kicked puppy already. Nobody wants to kick the already kicked puppy.

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-05-24T13:57:19+00:00

This is not a gender issue, men go for trashy woman too

neetykeeno · 2023-05-24T15:33:38+00:00

That's like asking are men attracted to toxic women. Everywhere one goes there are men who have had relationships with toxic women. And yet...they swear it is not the toxicity that attracted them. People, eh?

wtknight · 2023-05-24T13:58:54+00:00

are toxic men with dark triad traits seen as attractive by women because they come across as confident?

Yes. Confident “good guys” are considered attractive to women, too, and are likely preferred by more of them for long-term partners than bad boys. The women who like bad boys are a certain subtype and probably not the most psychologically healthy of women.

notmyrealnamepapi · 2023-05-24T15:31:43+00:00

No, they are not

EWE-S-A · 2023-05-24T20:04:08+00:00

Are you sitting down young Man?

Are you ready?

There is no such thing as a “toxic” man or “toxic masculinity”. You need to understand that so you can evolve into your next stage on becoming a Man.

Do not. Ever. Let a female, or a male who can’t even catch a fish tell you what being a Man is. Women created the stupid term, do not use it.

BookkeeperWooden9196 · 2023-05-24T14:49:15+00:00

Yes, despite any amount of virtue signaling, it is widely understood by most.

begayallday · 2023-05-24T15:38:54+00:00

My ex came across as a harmless, affable, nice guy. In reality he was an absolutely evil person. Lying and manipulation came as naturally to him as breathing. It took me a long time to figure that out. The first time he physically assaulted me, we had been together for five years. I pretended to forgive him, but I made a plan and left a week later. He is now in prison serving time for sexual assault.

begayallday · 2023-05-24T15:39:07+00:00

My ex came across as a harmless, affable, nice guy. In reality he was an absolutely evil person. Lying and manipulation came as naturally to him as breathing. It took me a long time to figure that out. The first time he physically assaulted me, we had been together for five years. I pretended to forgive him, but I made a plan and left a week later. He is now in prison serving time for sexual assault.

Safinated · 2023-05-24T15:17:42+00:00

Do you think all women are attracted to toxic men? If not, do you want a woman who is attracted to toxic men?

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Old-Condition-119 · 2023-05-24T14:01:56+00:00

Maybe they picture these men in a shopping mall on Christmas Eve... Niceness doesn't get the last Lego mega bricks for poor little Timmy.

Chikoswe2022 · 2023-05-24T14:05:23+00:00

Define toxic men.

lolmastr13 · 2023-05-24T14:10:59+00:00

No but it’s not a turn off to them either

harmonica2 · 2023-05-24T14:58:58+00:00

Well it was said on here that a lot of women who go for these guys have 'dad issues'.

However, dad issues have been used to blame other decisions women make as well such as going for older guys, which makes it more difficult for young guys.

Can a lot of the mating crisis today have womens' dad issues to blame for it or no?

M12_cavesrl · 2023-05-24T15:59:22+00:00

*attractive men

djblackmith · 2023-05-24T16:21:34+00:00

Check out the video of rubi rose on Twitter on what type of men she likes. It's a lot of women like that

shadowofdoubt13 · 2023-05-24T17:27:41+00:00

Toxic basically means dominant and masculine

modidlee · 2023-05-24T17:30:10+00:00

Dude don't go out of your way to be disagreeable. Be yourself. In the book King Warrior Magician Lover the author says the "Warrior" archetype is that part of a man's psyche that says "yes" or "no." Either "no I don't want this and you can't make me want it." Or "yes I want this so I'm going after it." You basically have to know how to decide what you want and don't want and don't worry about what someone else thinks about it.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2023-05-24T17:34:32+00:00

Some women are

In my experience including myself more when you get.

Having the feeling you can fix them

mc0079 · 2023-05-24T18:01:16+00:00

Online info sucks. Full of Rage Bait and Man bites dog
You have moralized men but not women. Why is that?
Could it be toxic women are attracted to Toxic Men?

gettin_paid_to_poop · 2023-05-24T18:01:40+00:00

Are women actually attracted to toxic men?

Yes and no. Some are, some aren't.

Women in general are attracted to men who are handsome, tall and confident. Men who behave in toxic ways can be very confident, but not in healthy ways. E.g. a guy who interrupts people and belittles others can dominate conversations. This may be attractive to some women but not others.

There can also be a psychological aspect to it. Imagine you're an incredibly attractive women, you are used to getting compliments by men who are trying to win your approval and date you. These compliments and nice gestures can get boring and stale.

Sometimes women like this will be attracted to a guy who treats them badly because:

1) Their behaviour stands out in comparison to the other "nice guys", so the toxic guys are more noticeable

2) It can have a psychological effect of setting up a dynamic were she wants to win the approval of the guy who treats her badly. This is actually a documented manipulation tactic used by toxic people (from bad guys who want to control women they date all the way up to pimps) where they fluctuation between showering them with positive attention and then the next minute being incredibly horrible to them. The person being manipulated (man or woman) can believe the bad behaviour is their own fault and they try to do better to their abuser, not realising they are being abused.

3) Some (not all) women are very status driven, and if they perceive that they are dating or talking to someone "beneath them" (in terms of socioeconomic status levels) they will be turned off by it. Whereas a guy who is rude, dismissive, confident, etc can be appealing to them as they perceive themselves and less than that toxic guy (in terms of status), so again try to win his approval.

24M, I see online here and there that women like bad boys and toxic men, and I understand why women don’t like “Nice Guys”, I myself have been trying my best to become more assertive and disagreeable as I get older,

Being assertive is good, just make sure that you're not accidentally being unnecessarily confrontational. That will push people away long term

Ultimately it's a case of self improvement, but also about being a good judge of character about them women you come across in dating. I.e. if you see a few examples of obvious red flags, consider not pursuing that person.

but I can’t help but think to myself, are toxic men with dark triad traits seen as attractive by women because they come across as confident?

That's part of it yeah.

AhsokaSolo · 2023-05-24T18:02:32+00:00

No it is an absurd myth that women generally like being treated like shit. Some women seem to because they date men that treat them like shit. I think there is some unhealthy shit happening in their heads that has nothing to do with being turned on when their partner talks to them like a dog. It's something more akin to thinking they don't deserve better, and they get really really excited and happy when the asshole treats them well. They're waiting for those moments.

Anyone that says anything akin to "women like x" is full of shit and has limited exposure to real world normal people. Women are different and are in to different things. You can speak in terms of likelihood or whatever, like women are more likely to prefer tall men, but by that standard, it is absolutely not true that women are more likely to prefer a toxic asshole than someone that is warm and kind. Give me data for that.

BeneficialTop5136 · 2023-05-24T18:24:19+00:00

There’s a big difference between an assertive man and a toxic man.

Lord-Beaky · 2023-05-24T19:08:10+00:00

The ones with low self esteem are

MxMaster9907 · 2023-05-24T19:10:26+00:00

My “toxic” phase was the loneliest era of my life.

Carloverguy20 · 2023-05-24T19:15:29+00:00

Women love men who are good people. Good people, I mean people who are confident, easygoing, not afraid to be themselves and have things going for them.

Excellent_Badger123 · 2023-05-24T19:15:43+00:00

I think there is some truth to the “daddy issues” thing based upon my own experience.

I was the oldest child of a mean alcoholic father who left home at age 15 because of it. I felt like I was 100 years old when I was 10 because I was constantly defending my younger siblings plus my very decent mother against my tyrant father. I ended up marrying a “nice” fun alcoholic who was 21 years older than me. He was a psychologist who drank at least 8 alcohol units every morning before he went into work to see patients! It was a volatile relationship that spanned 5 years of my young life. I learned from it.

Laniekea · 2023-05-24T19:22:50+00:00

I mean I really don't think so. I'm attracted to responsible men. Being confident or hot helps but I'm not going to be in a relationship with someone just because they're hot

Frankly if they were unemployed for no good reason or were in a dead end job, ditched a child, cheated, was generally unkind, did hard drugs or was a heavy drinker it would be an immediate no. Zero chance.

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-05-24T19:36:38+00:00

No. Only a certain kind of woman is

KikiYuyu · 2023-05-24T19:46:25+00:00

Some are, some are not.

Most questions about women can be answered this way because we are individuals.

daylightxx · 2023-05-24T19:47:23+00:00

I can only speak for myself and my friends. But, yes, we did like and were attracted to “bad boys” In our early twenties. By our late twenties, we could recognize “bad boys” easier and knew to stay away from them, even if we were sometimes still attracted to them.

Once you get more mature and have more life experience, the “bad boy” isn’t as appealing. You’re looking for trust and honesty and connection. Something to build on.

AFuzzyMuffin · 2023-05-24T20:46:19+00:00

toxic women and vulnerable women are yes attracted to them

well adjusted women are repulsed

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-05-24T20:59:14+00:00

As much as men are attracted to toxic women. In other words, some are, some aren’t, and a lot of it depends on the looks and other aspects of said toxic person. People can be toxic in ways that are appealing to some folks with certain trauma and issues of their own. People can also be toxic in ways that are off-putting to almost everyone.

Waratah888 · 2023-05-24T21:02:32+00:00

Lots of people, mem and women, are crap judges of character

AntiSocialPartygoer · 2023-05-24T21:11:00+00:00

I don't think it's about the toxicity itself.
That happens because those toxic men often have things to compensate for their toxicity.
Above average looks, big dick, good income, etc.

_here_ok · 2023-05-24T21:35:04+00:00

People generally have an attraction towards an abundance of a trait.

The main struggle for most is figuring when the abundance leads to problems. A bucket of water that if full is helpful, but once it starts to overflow it becomes a problem.

Since we can't really quantify or visualize traits as easily it leads to us easily being trapped or tricked. This is why boundaries as a concept I feel are important.

Standards are one thing as they are what one wants in a relationship and they can totally lower/ raise them. Just like one might change the amount of water they would need for a bucket but what they should never do is change their boundaries and if possible maintain them.

Many men and women just struggle to form boundaries because unless faced with consequences we don't set em.

W8NotAPhase · 2023-05-24T21:51:08+00:00

Toxic Father = Toxic BF

We are subconsciously searching for and attracted to the ones that remind us of our fathers. If she had a good dad? Great. If not? Good luck..

masterdebater70 · 2023-05-24T21:56:57+00:00

Toxic men are aggressive, disagreeable and more likely to be assertive or even aggressive in negotiations. If there is a sudden situation of scarcity, (a woman's worst nightmare) does she want an agreeable helpful altruistic guy at her side? Or a guy who is going to say "to hell with everybody else I'm putting my family first?"

It's a no-brainer really.

Trouble is, he might put ONLY himself first and not even his female mate or his offspring will matter. That's a big risk she is taking, getting with the proverbial disagreeable bad-boy.

But at least in that case she has odds. With a soft, agreeable man, he'll hand over all his resources because of fear, conflict avoidance, altruism or some combination thereof.

My analogy is this. Better to have a big scary dog that might help you rather than a wimpy little dog who can't even if wants to help you. Add to that the benefits of having a disagreeable and even physically impressive man around...

When shit goes down, does she want a disagreeable brute in her corner? Or a little, wee nice soyboy handing out avacado toast to everybody?

Why on earth would she choose a male that's a liability?

BTW - women LOATHE toxic masculinity. Except when it's what they need in that specific situation. Then the "nice guys" are sent packing in a heartbeat.

Phillysportsfan52 · 2023-05-24T21:57:12+00:00

Women with bad childhoods yes. This is becoming even more common imo. Almost every women ik who dates “deadbeats” has issues that seem to stem from their parents. Most people in healthy 2 parent homes with a good marriage tend to fair better in relationships and pick better partners

Recent-Coconut-4535 · 2023-05-24T22:18:14+00:00

I don't think that's really true since nobody wants toxic people to mess up their life. It's just that some men (and not only) portray a fake persona when they start dating so you can't really tell if they're toxic until their true nature shows up. The thing about "bad boys" is that many of them seem to be all fun and mysterious when you first meet them and that's what many women find attractive but for sure if they knew at first place they were dealing with someone who's toxic no dating no nothing would happen. So my suggestion to you is to stop playing a role and just be your authentic self. That's the best

Emotional-Day8685 · 2023-05-24T22:22:21+00:00

When I was un college and in my early 20s, I ised to be super attracted to 'bad boy' type of guys. As I mature, I learned that these types are most of the time no relationship material. Now, I will choose sweet and gentlemanly guys over toxic ones.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2023-05-24T22:34:13+00:00

Its not that women are attracted to the dark triad, its that they are attracted to masculinity. These are traits like success, strength, leadership, bravery, confidence, low neediness, and emotional stability. People with the dark triad have some of these traits in abundance and can fake other traits. You absolutely should be assertive and sometimes disagree because you can't just be a yes man everyone walks over.

idontreallyknow5575 · 2023-05-25T00:01:21+00:00

basedmama21 · 2023-05-25T00:37:34+00:00

No. Most women have unaddressed childhood trauma that conditions them to normalize shitty behavior in others. And this happens to men too. I don’t believe in painting women as the victims when men go through the same things. We have a huge problem where parents are heralded as heroes beyond reproach in society. But most of us have issues BECAUSE of our parents.

Example: my mother was a dark triad (narcissistic, Machiavellian, psychopathic) and I could tolerate absolute abuse from men because I got beat, cussed out, screamed at for HOURS, and kicked out and then love bombed by my mother. So on the surface I was attracted to bad boys but in reality I felt comfortable with them.

Then I got therapy and got married to a very emotionally healthy man.

rolanddes1 · 2023-05-25T04:02:37+00:00

Some claim here that women are attracted to handsome and masculine men. No shit Sherlock! There are other traits that you need to have in order to be with her in the long run and still feel the love and admiration she had at first. Those traits some call dark triad traits, some call toxic behaviour make her not be bored with your handsome and masculine ass.

muramosa · 2023-05-25T04:38:28+00:00

They are attracted to charismatic and exciting men. It's just that most men don't have fireworks coming out of their asses with comedian-tier humor.

waffleznstuff30 · 2023-05-25T05:16:49+00:00

I don't think they are attracted to the toxicity. As a woman if a guy came out and was like I play mind games, I treat you like your disposable, and I have a hyperinflated sense of self and you will always come second but I best better come first. I would be turned off. It's not inherently an attractive quality.

But. There are dynamics toxic people have. And it's backed by science. It's why things like gambling are so addictive. Is it's intermittent rewarding it gets that monkey part of our brain. When a reward does happen it sends the brain into overdrive with dopamine. And it's a rush. So with a toxic person they often come in hot and heavy compliments flirtatious remarks and they get the dopamine flowing. Once they got you on the hook they pull back suddenly you are left on read conversation stops dry responses. Then they come back. Then they pull back. And 8/10 they aren't even around but that 2/10 time they are is more powerful than the 8/10 part that they weren't around for. And that makes someone come back for more. So its based on the scarcity like the connection feels so powerful and intense and rare

Ill-Menu5401 · 2023-05-25T06:18:39+00:00

Depends on their looks not on their behavior.

KnightsWhoPlayWii · 2023-05-25T06:54:52+00:00

For one: abusers don’t generally start out being blatantly awful. They usually lovebomb, then separate their partner from their support system, THEN they gradually escalate their behavior.

B) Few people are 100% toxic. Nearly everyone has redeeming qualities, and sometimes, it can be hard to forget the aspects of the person that you love - even when faced with toxic traits

C) You’re declaring these men and these relationships “toxic,” but you’re an absolute outsider for 99% of them. My boyfriend and I love to (jokingly) say absolutely awful things to each other - and we’re both great at playing it straight. An outsider might well think we’re the most unhinged couple since “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf…” never knowing that we’re 2.5 seconds away from laughing our faces off, and are actually just loving, supportive people with WEIRD senses of humor.

D) No - it’s not that it’s bad to be a genuinely nice person. It’s just bad to be a “Nice Guy.” By and large, the types of people who bemoan their inability to attract women - despite being such “nice guys -“ don’t seem to recognize that being “nice” is a bare minimum. It’s like saying “come to my restaurant! The food is edible!” and then being irked when no one comes. Yes - you should be nice. But that can’t be your only positive personality trait! …Also, many (if not most) “Nice Guys” aren’t half as “nice” as they think.

AshxInfernape · 2023-05-25T09:00:34+00:00

Someone said this and it’s true

“They crave for fun and excitement, it one of the reasons they like bad boys.

Bad boys give them the rollercoaster of emotions.

Happiness,anger, fun etc

They're addicted to it like drug.”

Pink_inthenightcream · 2023-05-25T09:26:16+00:00

You have been trying to be more disagreeable? Who is teaching you this? I'm sorry for asking you this believe me this is coming from a good place..but you are trying to be something based on online observation? What happened to your father? I mean I have 8 brothers. Our father teaches all my brothers how to be a gentleman and practice chivalry.Woman throw themselves at them. Does your father not teach you how to be a good male figure ? No serious woman with self respect would want to be with a toxic man...I don't know where you are finding this information from. Get help please🌻

SkookumTree · 2023-05-26T02:06:40+00:00

Not nearly as much as men adore bitches. I mean guys absolutely cannot get enough of blunt disagreeable women.

0814235068 · 2023-05-26T22:56:13+00:00

I find this discourse fascinating because I went to school with someone who bullied three kids out of school and disrespected women he dated and hooked up with since he was 16. And yet he always gets with ladies. Fascinating guy but bad human being.

Title	Are women actually attracted to toxic men?
Author	HackerNeuro
Upvotes	46
Comments	253
Date	May 24, 2023 12:34 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/13qkdn9/are_women_actually_attracted_to_toxic_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-women-actually-attracted-to-toxic-men.1220192 https://theredarchive.com/post/1220192

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