If “she’s using me for my resources” was a real problem, then dont pay for women on the first few dates.

harmonica2 · 2026-02-26T14:47:59+00:00

I though lot of guys don't mind being used for money, in exchange for sex, hence , the whole push for passport bros?

rtfclbhvr · 2026-02-26T15:31:02+00:00

When I was in the dating scene I would just block the dudes who said shit like that. The average man isn’t rich enough to be used for their resources lol. If a man said that to me and he didn’t own a car or a house, I’d be so confused. Like what am I going to use you for buddy.. a plate of spaghetti?

Sholnufff · 2026-02-26T16:26:51+00:00

The issue with your post is you assume women are cool with coffee dates, walks around parks, going Dutch on dates.

The vast majority of women are not cool with that arrangement. A lot of them feel that because of the effort, time and cost it takes to get ready, that they shouldn't pay.

Personally I think that answer is a crock of 💩.

Gravel_Roads · 2026-02-26T14:41:21+00:00

The men who say this have no agency. They go through life doing what people say they should do, then they get angry for not being rewarded for doing what they were told.

They’re basically the living argument against the “men are natural leaders” narrative.

softrevolution_ · 2026-02-26T18:37:23+00:00

Let's just glance over at r/WomenDatingOverForty for an idea of how cheap/free dates are gonna go...

Foreign_Look8668 · 2026-02-26T17:08:03+00:00

Imo, it's about a lack of effort. Sex can make men feel like at least my effort in progressing this relationship has not been in vain as,at least, it's clear they are intimately involved now but most men will eventually have the same issue if the woman in question still doesn't contribute to dates or the general upkeep of the relationship.Sex just makes a lack of effort more tolerable.

There are men who try to use money as a way to extort sex just like there are women who use sleeping with a man as a way to extort money/favours. That's kinda of covert sugar dating or "treating" someone to a good time.

I'd like to believe most of us aren't doing that. It's just that common dating norms play out in very similar ways to that dynamic.

Even if you look it up, modern courtship and dating was once seen as prostitution as the process started to look very similar.

I think if more women also contributed financially to dates and contributed to the courtship process more, a lot of men would have less of a fixation on using sex as confirmation or consolation for the effort they are making in the establishing of a relationship with someone.

Someone women approach the beginning stages of relationships as their time to be spoiled and impressed with little regard to putting their best foot forward and showing their seriousness in dating said person.

I'd argue a lot of women use sex or acts that are sex adjacent (i.e. making out) as a way to make a relationship more official/move it to the next level in the same way men do at times cause "what are we" conversations often follow intimacy.

So it's not exclusively a guy move to establish sex relationship relatively early.

It may not be the relationship you want but sex does change a platonic, uncertain relationship to an intimate one which can be reassuring for men and some women.

LovesGettingRandomPm · 2026-02-26T19:58:33+00:00

Every woman expects the man to show her he isn't broke, is charitable instead of stingy and know that he will treat her well, why wouldn't a man pay for the first date when hes intent on wanting to keep her

mus_b_nuthn · 2026-02-26T15:14:12+00:00

Women barely like men but they tolerate some for resources

El_Hombre_Fiero · 2026-02-26T18:29:32+00:00

Nobody wants to be taken advantage of. The men who complain about being used for resources are the ones who spend upwards of $100 on first dates in the hopes to impress the women to continue dating him. Oftentimes, those men do not have hundreds of dollars worth of disposable income and/or they want to be deliberate when dating. To have those women flake feels like wasted time, money, and effort. It's no different than women who sleep with a guy and then feel used when he pulls away or ghosts.

Women should understand that if a man is treating you right and taking you out on expensive dates, there should be some reciprocated appreciation. Not saying that you should sleep with those men on the first date, but you should at least acknowledge that he is putting forth an earnest effort towards you. At the least, show some gratitude. If you're not attracted to the man, do not accept subsequent dates.

pie-mart · 2026-02-26T20:22:17+00:00

Its because they want it as a reason for the women to give them sex

Some of these guys will purposefully pay for the date to then hold over the women's head

If they didn't pay for the dinner or date, then they would have nothing to hold over the woman's head to get sex that night/day

MarioWilson122 · 2026-02-26T21:06:14+00:00

Naw a good number of women aren’t fine with not having their first date paid for, so that is definitely not true. So, a man can try to avoid paying but he will likely end up not getting many or any dates. Either that or she pretends to be ok with it but he likely won’t see her after the date. Anyway, a good amount of woman will likely not want to hear about him being there for sex, even if he wants to be serious with her. So, most men will likely avoid bringing that up early on, so there is no issue with a man deciding not to do so.

MightyPrinceAli · 2026-02-26T16:21:11+00:00

“Plenty of women are fine with that”

Now that was a lie.

The main issue is that even egalitarian and feminist women want men that pay on dates.

That’s the main issue and why there are complaints. Women don’t actually want feminism and to get rid of patriarchy. They want feminism where it benefits them and patriarchy where it benefits them.

Other_Comparison_264 · 2026-02-26T15:50:01+00:00

Yeah, I actually completely agree with this. I always pay for the first date(s) because it's more convenient. If paying for a coffee or a movie ticket means I'm being used for my resources, then so be it I guess. In my experience, a few dates down the line, the woman I'm dating will also insist on paying for the dates.

petellapain · 2026-02-26T19:49:08+00:00

Just don't pay. Just don't get used. Just don't do anything. There are people who live this way. They are called terminally online. Actually operating in the physical world among other people required putting one self out there to some degree and trusting others to not take advantage. Telling people to just not do anything is useless insight

Reasonable_Mouse789 · 2026-02-26T15:17:19+00:00

Because what would you be used for? Money? That’s easy to filter out: Just dont pay for dates

The guy’s job, income, and net worth don’t disappear just because he chooses a free or expensive date. It doesn’t matter how stingy he is, she might still have only decided to talk to him due to money, and women like that are smart to avoid.

beautiful_falcon776 · 2026-02-26T14:46:35+00:00

The problem is plenty of women expect you as a man to pay the first date, you have written that yourself too. As it's apparently a masculine thing.

Most women would want a fancy setting some pick expensive resturants just for it. As a guy if you can afford you are out of the race.

Because you didn’t tell her that you’re only dating her for the sex, right?

Isn't dating a first step really to getting laid? Sex is a part of dating not outside of it.

My_House_on_Mars · 2026-02-26T15:44:56+00:00

another piece of advice: if you are scared of being used for your money then don't date women who are a lot poorer than you. Easy.

A coworker with the same salary as yours isn't going to use you for your money

MightyPrinceAli · 2026-02-26T16:24:00+00:00

“Plenty of women are fine with that”

Now that was a lie.

The main issue is that even egalitarian and feminist women want men that pay on dates.

That’s the main issue and why there are complaints. Women don’t actually want feminism and to get rid of patriarchy. They want feminism where it benefits them and patriarchy where it benefits them.

kmb218 · 2026-02-26T14:41:54+00:00

Men are honestly delusional if they think spending 2 hours on a date with someone you have zero interest in is worth a 5 euro coffee or 15 euro dinner. This whole “women using men for free coffee/dinners” is not a real thing.

bluepillarmy · 2026-02-27T01:12:51+00:00

I’ll do you one better - don’t go out on dates until you’ve had sex

Vlad_The_Great_2 · 2026-02-26T16:04:32+00:00

Stop lying. A lot of women on this sub explicitly state they will stop talking to a guy if he doesn’t pay on the first date. Rare exceptions don’t disprove this.

IgorXY · 2026-02-26T14:57:40+00:00

I don't like "using me for my resources” argument, because you are absolutely correct, I don't really spend much on dates, some women pay for themselves and genuenly paying for a drink / coffee / meal (not in a high end restaraunt) is not that much for me to notice.

But I don't want my time to be wasted and I disagree with "if you find going on dates without the promise of immediate sex is using you, then you might not like women in general" framing. I consider going out with someone you are not attracted to a waste of time. If the women were honest and said "I am not attracted to you, but I agree to go a date with you to see if there is a potential for attraction to grow" or something, I would reject this date. Which is why women rarely do that.

Now again, discussion about attraction being "immediate sex" vs wanting to get to know someone before being intimate with them. It's fair to have your own definition of attraction and it's ok if someone rejects you because your definition does not match theirs. I go out only with people I am attracted to. On dates I test if we are compatible. I can be attracted to people I am not compatible with, but being compatible with someone does not mean I am attracted to them. Which is why attraction is important for me. In a day and age of dating apps many women (well, and men, but in my opinion women do it more) treat dating as a job interview process, with multiple rounds of tests and questions and even probation. And like with job interviews, if you fail one round - you are out. This approach is completely different from how I imagine dating: 2 people like each other, drawn to each other, there's a bit of tension, a bit of shyness, but it feels right and natural as though 2 puzzle pieces finally met and matched.

bondepart · 2026-02-26T15:47:17+00:00

Men complain about women selecting them for their resources, but then want women to having their children and cut back on their career to raise them? That’s expensive.

uniquelyfifi · 2026-02-26T15:58:47+00:00

No, guys need to pay for dates.

Guys just need to vet better. Pick better women to ask out who actually like you 😜

ClevelandSpigot · 2026-02-26T15:17:09+00:00

Horrible solution. Just look up the absolute vitriol from women about the whole 50/50 topic, or the dreaded "coffee date". The man will never get a second date - and the first date might end prematurely. There is also a risk of the man being put on blast.

Remember the gal who abandoned a guy mid-date a couple years ago, and put him on blast, because he chose not to have a slice of cheese on his burger, because it cost an extra $3? Yeah. Like that. He got up to use the restroom. While he was gone, she paid the whole bill and left. She then sent him a text message saying, "You should have gotten the cheese". Such a humiliation ritual. Oh, the drama. **faints** The guy just wanted a date, and to not pay $3 for a piece of cheese. She turned it into a god damned Greek tragedy, and broadcast it to billions of people.

LysanderAegis · 2026-02-26T16:14:42+00:00

I’m not sure if it's a European thing or just the type of women I attract, but I’ve never actually paid for a first date. I usually already know them beforehand, so it doesn't really feel like a 'date' anyway.

cromulent_weasel · 2026-02-26T17:08:35+00:00

you won’t accept the type of women you will get by being super cheap on dates?

No I actively want to select for an equal partner. That doesn't mean never paying as you suggest but it does mean being reciprocal. My current girlfriend, our first two dates were coffee dates, our third was walking her dog on the beach, our fourth was a picnic in the botanical gardens.

immediate sex is using you, then you might not like women in general.

The subtext of this reads to me as 'men that have any sort of problem with women are misoginists'. And I reject that. SOME of them are, particularly the terminally online ones. But coming from a dead bedroom situation, it was was very important to me that she had a libido.

I think its fair and reasonable for people to screen for problems they have encountered in past relationships. If they hit a gold digger, that's something they will be screening for.

Axis_Control · 2026-02-26T15:13:39+00:00

I'd always choose a gentleman who would pay for a good date with me over one who wouldn't tbh.

PSXSnack09 · 2026-02-26T14:49:58+00:00

Or is the problem knowing it cuts down on your dating prospects and you won’t accept the type of women you will get by being super cheap on dates?

You say it like if egalitarian women who arent sexist nor entitled towards men were a bad thing or something lol

JollyRoger66689 · 2026-02-26T15:17:39+00:00

Same logic can be applied to women complaining about being used for sex, difference is only 1 tends to be expected and is seen as the norm

Mobrowncheeks · 2026-02-26T15:34:51+00:00

Yes. That’s kinda the point. You don’t pay for the first few dates. If things go well and you like her then you can start buying things . This is the whole red pill standpoint.

Samphilbags · 2026-02-26T15:05:10+00:00

If "she's using me for my resources" was NOT a real problem then why don't you, woman, pay for dates?

And geez, stfu about the patriarchy already. I promise you there's no "bro conspiracy" to hold you down.

Women have agency. You co-opted the society you live in. It wasn't forced on you by gunpoint.

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SecondEldenLord · 2026-02-26T18:23:10+00:00

The only reason men pay for dates is to have a second one. In general, women want the man to pay, and no, a walk in the park won't cut it for most women. I never seen a woman being fine with a walk in a park as a first date.

Intelligent-Insight · 2026-02-26T19:53:42+00:00

It doesn't filter it out completely and if this approach becomes wide-spread, women who want to use men for resources can easily adapt and play the long game. Not to mention that there are women who are fine with it already but still have certain expectations when it comes to LTR or marriage.

Or is being “used for resources” about time? Because if you find going on dates without the promise of immediate sex is using you, then you might not like women in general.

And once again, this depends on her past. Men are looking for women that are into them. If the woman had immediate sex with someone she liked before, then not having it now simply means she's not attracted as much. How do you still not get it?

Numerous_Island6459 · 2026-02-27T02:52:55+00:00

This pay for yourself on the first date sounds like a good way to go for many. If you date a woman who will not pay for her own meal for the first date....just dont do it guys. Going dutch and knowing this upfront is a good start to dating. Its not about getting something for nothing. Its about showing people respect.

Zhezersheher · 2026-02-27T04:40:40+00:00

Right.

shadowstep12 · 2026-02-27T05:29:47+00:00

Oh my god what's with this not all woman post?

balhaegu · 2026-02-27T06:16:09+00:00

Even better its wise to have the woman pay for the first date just to be extra sure

0x474f44 · 2026-02-27T06:20:34+00:00

Men shouldn’t be paying for first dates. It should be split. We don’t live in the 1950s anymore - women are allowed to work and earn money today as well. This is a sexist tradition that should die out.

Luckily it has already decreased a lot in Europe. From what I’ve heard it’s still entirely expected in the US though.

Kaisern · 2026-02-27T15:28:16+00:00

Every woman is a feminist until the check comes

brazenbull09 · 2026-03-02T09:17:26+00:00

We've BEEN trying to do that but we get called broke and misogynistic for it😭😭

novasoline · 2026-03-16T22:01:48+00:00

Men who complain that “she’s just using me for my resources” are often running covert contracts: I spend money, she’s supposed to reciprocate with sex or affection. If you lead with your wallet, you’ll attract women who respond to that.

That said, whoever asks for the date should expect to pay. Early on that’s usually the man, but over time the woman should also invite you out and pay sometimes.

Livid-Log7463 · 2026-02-26T20:26:05+00:00

The men who end up in that position in the first place are the men that are below what women can be attracted to, so saying “just don’t pay for dates” is the same as saying “just don’t date”.

Sort of similar to women who think men just overwhelmingly want sex with them because they are trying to date so far outside their desirability the only difference being that the man who has to be used for money can’t date his equivalent or below without it either.

WanabeInflatable · 2026-02-26T14:56:01+00:00

Yes.

Not because resources are the bill on date. Bill in a restaurant is a tiny fraction of costs.

But splitting the bill indeed acts like a filter and drops majority of such women early before you invested financially and more importantly mentally in relationships with a parasite.

137automatons · 2026-02-26T22:07:28+00:00

1) It's not about time

2) Most of the time, if you do what you suggest, there is no second date.

Hope you're beginning to see the issue here.

Title	If “she’s using me for my resources” was a real problem, then dont pay for women on the first few dates.
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	53
Comments	472
Date	February 26, 2026 2:34 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1rfbqi2/if_shes_using_me_for_my_resources_was_a_real/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-shes-using-me-for-my-resources-was-a-real.1574297 https://theredarchive.com/post/1574297

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