Do you actually receive tons of flirting, orbiting and puppying attempts by guys every day just by you going about with your daily routine, hence validating the frustration written by men online about women being utterly spoiled for choice?

januaryphilosopher · 2022-11-21T09:35:35+00:00

No. The amount of times anything like this has happened are in the single digits, and the "petty issues" in those cases were the people in question being decades older than me or actually just harassing me. In terms of anything that created an option that didn't make me afraid for my safety, a friend asked me out once. Such is the life for women who aren't famous.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2022-11-21T09:26:36+00:00

I've been hit on while waiting on bus stations, in cafés or bars and clubs and other places one goes to socialise. A few times by an uber driver. A couple of guys in school and in college, a guy on my summer job.

My daily routine is definitely not disrupted by it, and from experience it doesn't happen that frequently even to girls more attractive than me.

I don't use any social media where my photo is shown (other than Whatsapp, but I already need to have the other person's number).

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-11-21T09:55:52+00:00

I used to get it a lot when I was younger, but it was never from good looking chads or guys I actually found attractive It was always dirty old men around the same age as my dad, or usually customers or even my boss at one point,

Apprehensive_Cut_146 · 2022-11-21T09:24:04+00:00

No. That's actually what drew me to this sub in the first place, because the shit guys were saying all women experience isn't remotely true for my own life.

I can only think of two experiences in life where a man I didn't know has actually hit on me (I use the term "hit on" lightly, one guy just stared at me really creepily for a while and tried to follow me and get my name when I was at a coffee shop, the other did the same but in the wooded area behind my house) both times I'm pretty sure they were either titched, on drugs, or both.

I've never been asked out by guys first, I even initiated everything with my current bf. I have been rejected by guys on multiple occasions.

So idk, I just can't relate when I hear about the "woman" experience men here claim women have.

northernlights190 · 2022-11-21T09:39:12+00:00

I never got anything like that, that’s for sure. Most women I know don’t get THAT much spontaneous attention. In my experience only the prettiest ones or the ones with the most outgoing personalities get loads of spontaneous attention at the level men here describe. Truly average women mostly don’t.

To be clear, I know I could get laid anytime. Just go on Tinder for five minutes. But it wouldn’t be sex I would want with men I would actually desire. Not how my attraction style works. And I can think of a few guys in my life who would probably say yes to sex if I asked, but they’re definitely not “orbiters” or a “harem.” Just guys where there’s been some mutual flirtatious action in the past that would be down to mess around if I invited it. Other than that they just act normal, they aren’t showering me with any special attention.

Anyway, I’ve can think of two friends over the years I would describe as having a “soft harem” of men, both of them very beautiful. I worked with them in a public-facing business and we had men coming in every day to try and talk to them. It was sort of a running joke amongst staff. (“Oh, one of Jane’s is here.”)

They had no problem choosing though. They married as soon as they found the best guy for them, both really good men, and have been married for 15 years now. Granted, this was before online dating, but given how laser focused both were on what they wanted I’m not sure it would have been different. My one friend knew she met the guy she was gonna marry the day she met him (I happened to be there at that moment) and instantly dropped every other guy she’d been flirting with. When you know, you know.

naiya_1219 · 2022-11-21T15:11:38+00:00

i get hit on pretty much every time i leave the house and my likes on dating apps have hit 9k+ before. i'm fairly above average. i get called beautiful a lot. i've had a guy stop his car in the middle of traffic to get out and ask for my number. i could have a harem if i wanted to lmao. but i'm still single and harem-less. this kind of attention has only came after losing weight....i've experienced both sides of the spectrum. i used to get ignored by guys so i genuinely think a woman being "spoiled" by choices is based off of her "attractiveness" and not just by her being a woman. and our definitions of "choices" are probably not the same. men are not lining up to "date" me but they are lining up to have sex with me now that i'm considered "pretty". i don't consider those choices though.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-11-21T09:52:43+00:00

I did before I was an adult, luckily that shit stopped

womandatory · 2022-11-21T11:42:58+00:00

Yes and no. Yes, I receive an unwanted level of attention from men (bear in mind I’m almost 50), but that does not make me ‘spoiled for choice’. The vast majority of men who spray their attention everywhere are undateable. They would do women, and themselves, a service by being a little more selective. Honestly.

queen-of-dirt · 2022-11-21T11:36:31+00:00

Have you ever heard the expression “women drown, while men die of thirst”? I wouldn’t say women “spoilt for choice”, but rather desperate for air.

Now I don’t want to speak for all women but I’ve had to deal with the bombardement of unwanted sexual advances since literally the minute I hit puberty. As someone with social anxiety it has been overwhelming at best and the cause of insecurity at worst.

I’ve experienced harassment in many forms. My high school classmates making obscene remarks as I walked by them, my coworkers would call me rude pet names, not to mention the onslaught of messages from strange men from south Asian countries, which started when I was about 15.

Workplace harassment in particular has been a major obstacle in my life, because in addition to being annoying, it affects my job performance/career. I had one coworker who asked for my number to coordinate shift changes, but then used it to ask me personal questions/ tell me how pretty I was. After I turned him down, he became one of the most rude, arrogant, overly critical coworkers I’ve ever had in my life. He was fired shortly after for something unrelated. I left not long after as well after experiencing multiple advances from the 35 y/o sous chef(I was 19 at the time) and being nicknamed “mamacita” by one of the line cooks. He still messages me on Facebook once in a while, and he’s married with a 2 y/o.

As a result of all this I started to develop a complex regarding how I was perceived. No one cared about my thoughts or feelings, I was really just something for people to look at. So to answer your question, yes i probably could get laid with no strings attached whenever i want, and be left feeling empty, unsatisfied and demoralized. I don’t want that though, i want a committed relationship with someone who sees me. The irony of it all is that every time I have tried and approach a guy I was interested in, I got turned down.

This turned into a bit of a rant, but I hoped I gave you the insight you were looking for. In conclusion, I drown, and drowning isn’t just exhausting, it burns.

masterlaster1199 · 2022-11-21T08:59:14+00:00

[permanently deleted]

West-Ad-9697 · 2022-11-21T09:23:16+00:00

I personally don’t. It has never happened to me that a guy in a bar, club, street or actually anywhere has approached me. Never. Every now and then I get harassed by drunken or high guys in the subway.

On dating apps I am definitely sending out more messages than I receive and most dates I had guys told me that they are not interested (which is of course fine but rejection never feels great). And there of course is the overtly sexual messages that I immediately discard because I am not interested in such a relationship. But these messages usually seem to be chain messages that a guy sends out to every women and it’s not personal.

I know very few women that are swarmed by men although in every friend group I ever was, there was always one who was always the Center of male attention and would fly from one guy to the other. But I don’t think the men on here are accurate in what they think is the female experience is.

If I would want to have sex today I probably could but that sex would in the best case simply not pleasurable (I need trust first) and in the worst case it would be dangerous. Having sex is not the standard, sex can be so bad and painful for women it’s simply not in our interest to just have sex with every stranger who would potentially agree to it. It’s literally crazy to think that. And finding someone you trust and feel good with isn’t as easy as you think, not all people are compatible that’s why people date around, to find someone they have a connection with.

Siukslinis_acc · 2022-11-21T11:00:06+00:00

Nope. Though i might be oblivious to it and interpret their behaviour as just being nice/friendly...

CimZim · 2022-11-21T10:57:04+00:00

Do you actually receive tons of flirting, orbiting and puppying attempts by guys every day just by you going about with your daily routine, hence validating the frustration written by men online about women being utterly spoiled for choice?

37 years old. No.

Flirting = when I was younger I'd be hit on a lot by customers or random dudes on the street, but it was very unwelcome catcalling or rude comments. Flirting only started once I was 30, and still happens a handful of times a month, but certainly not everyday.

Orbiting = I shut that shit down hard as soon as I see it, at every age.

Puppying = wtf is this supposed to be?

My daily routine, as it has been for all my life from 15 - now, consists mainly of working out in the public or with clients directly. I've never been to a club, I have a drink maybe 6 times a year so bars do nothing for me, I don't go out "partying". Every other weekend my guyfriends and I get together for some boardgames or RPGs at one of our houses, otherwise I'm either out walking on our local trails or playing videogames. Sometimes I get approached by random men at the grocery store, post office, mall, etc but that's only at the absolute most 5 times a year. I try to avoid places where I'd be asked on dates, so it doesn’t affect my daily life.

yamb97 · 2022-11-21T13:44:07+00:00

Just every time I post a photo on Instagram or something. Half are just old dudes who have admitted to me they couldn’t get it up if they tried, they just wanna flirt. So whatevs.

I do have a handful of guys that are utterly in love w me that I can call on at any moment. I’m under no assumption that I’m their only one, but they always been there for me when I end up single again.

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daisydaisydaisy12 · 2022-11-21T14:48:10+00:00

When i open a pof account in a new town (for an upcoming vacation) i get 500-1000 requests the first day. And i am a thin attractive 50yr old. All ages.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-11-21T15:19:30+00:00

Men are more subtle and indirect that you think; they are making moves but being a way about it. Their way of flirting is offering to do something, striking something up, inviting me somewhere, favors, doing something dangerous to be cute or alluding their money. They slide in coy. Others just stare very hard like the women, and I couldn’t be assed to know what they are thinking about. The ones that muster something up are all over the place in conservation or confess why they were staring hard like the women. Women are outfit people, men not so much. There are also the bold and direct men, but know if he’s that confident you aren’t the only one he’s tried with honey. You’re number 78 on his list!

You’ll never catch me entertain any kinda man in a one-sided relationship, you’ll never get rid of him. You can tell by how sorry he looks in his eyes. Women that have orbiters will never interact with them nor do women want a bunch of unattached men hanging around being too nice either, that’s a male fantasy honey. She’ll give a pleasantry but she’s not going to make a friend of you. That kind of woman has 0 time to kill and more than enough people to talk to.

Attention can be manipulated to a degree, you loose most control somewhere like walking city streets. No way to be invisible if you look good, take an Uber sweetie if you want a quiet life!

Sophiatab · 2022-11-21T16:33:23+00:00

What too many of us receive is tons of sexual propositioning. It is not "validating" to have men only talk to you because they want to use your vagina (or other body orifices).

LotBuilder · 2022-11-21T20:27:46+00:00

I have a FWB that is a attractive girl in her mid 20’s. 5.5/6 face and a 8 body. Lean, fit and blonde. Very outgoing and extroverted. Makes eye contact and smiles. She works at a gym and waits tables at a popular Mexican restaurant. She gets hit on 7-10 times a day. She doesn’t post a bunch of thirst traps on social media but does have fitness content. Her DM’s are overflowing. She doesn’t even look at them.

JCSledge · 2022-11-21T12:51:07+00:00

The primary concern isn’t the “petty stuff” but will he react violently or aggressively if rejected?

Apprehensive_Cut_146 · 2022-11-21T11:42:21+00:00

No, because I do not dress or behave in a way to attract attention. Moreso, being perceived as “plain”, men are more likely to treat me like any other man. Its fine by me, I get to do what I want.

Reasonable-Scale5710 · 2022-11-21T12:09:50+00:00

When I used dating apps, it was an absurd about of attention which drove me off of it. On social media, there’s a lot. When I go outside, there’s only a few and that’s if I’m around a lot of people/guys. At my job, I’ve been bothered by a lot of customers flirting with me.

It’s not fun and it’s very annoying. Actually makes me mad whenever a man comes into view now unless he’s my boyfriend

neetykeeno · 2022-11-21T11:59:58+00:00

Weird creepy dudes on public transport about once every fifty hours of time interacting with public transport. Apparently I am some sort of magnet for them.

You're welcome to them...if you're a sexually deprived guy put on a dress let's ride the trains together and I will be your wingman for convincing the creeps that a butthole is a butthole and yours will lube up just fine.

MoreSanitizerPls · 2022-11-21T12:10:37+00:00

No you all only pay attention to the experiences of attractive women.

daisywaysie · 2022-11-21T12:55:48+00:00

The question seems disingenuous. You present the question as though you are making an honest attempt to restate what men perceive to be true about your number of options. Yet you use phrases like “orbiting”, “on your doorstep”, and “every day”. Used literally, no, guys are not out there making those claims.

If we both join a dating app voluntarily, the presumption is that we are there to meet people of the opposite sex. If we match with each other, we have officially declared this is someone I am potentially interested in. Statistically, the most likely outcome is that I say hello, and you say nothing back because I wasn’t interesting enough by just saying hello. This is because if we are both 5s in attractiveness, I received literally 0 matches in several months where you get at least several per week, maybe more.

You are certainly entitled to your selection criteria and I know that comes with its own issues, but the experience is not the same. Men have to be worthy of opportunities, women are given opportunities freely. The reason your bosses or older men hit on you is because they have never gotten female validation when they were younger because what made them unworthy was their lack of income. Now they are 10 years older than you and think they have a shot like the guy that was 10 years older than him getting attention from college girls when he was in college. I’m not saying it’s a not a real problem, but at the same time you are viewing these men implicitly as creeps, but they are human too. It speaks to the fact that there is a risk of being seen as a creep for making an attempt to court a woman, which is a social burden women don’t have. They can choose to match with someone on a dating app, and not be expected to even say hello, so they don’t.

We aren’t saying you are spoiled with an abundance of good choices, we are saying even having a choice is a privilege. Just keep politely declining until an appropriate choice does literally all of the work to be worthy of your time and attention, which will eventually happen. Men don’t have that. Its like you have 10 dollars to your name for food, you have a few options. You really want a steak. I agree that steak is better than your options, and I hope that you do save enough money for one. But I’m not going to give you the same sympathy as other girls who also have 10 dollars but can’t afford steak, because I have 0 dollars to my name. If I want to get a burger and fries, I have to come up with a plan to present myself extremely well on my first impression to a restaurant manager to get the opportunity to wash dishes for a few hours to earn a meal.

The last sentence is blatantly false. You can get laid at any moment that you want, probably even with enough selection to find a man you consider attractive. You just add on these other parameters subconsciously, like would he make a good husband, does he put his water glass in the dishwasher after each use, does he pick his close up off the floor, etc.. lots of those parameters are even self imposed at no fault of his, for example he might very well intend to use the glass again or Walmart the close again to create less chores, but you will take it upon yourself to clean and then later complain , “he expected a bang maid” even though he has a much higher tolerance for things being “dirty” than you. Don’t need to dive all the way into that, but you certainly do have options to get laid, you just don’t see that as a valid criticism because it doesn’t come from a woman who can see your exact nuanced criticism of her dating options from the same position of privilege.

2022-11-21T12:18:47+00:00

No, I don’t. Only the really good lookings ones, like my Polish girlfriend are approached daily. Me 1 in a year

bottleblank · 2022-11-21T12:49:42+00:00

As a certified becky myself, I see, there are differences between me and my stacy girlfriends, they are always treated better. ( I am proud to have those hot gf‘s) but sometimes it saddens me. While I think, my gf’s have good personalities, I invest a lot in my education, I read a lot of books, research a lot, can cook really good, like to share and know how to speak and act in public properly, but those guys would not give me a chance, because I am not intriguing as my friends. Maybe I am just not charming enough. So I am rotting at home, while they receive gifts at work and love letters. I game at weekends and have my cat. Lmao. The guys either want to hook up, or just want to be seen by hyper attractive women. My self-confidence is broken. Because I know, people actually give a shit about your talents, when you are not considered as attractive.

figuringMylife · 2022-11-21T13:35:34+00:00

yes. and i’m average like a 6. i get hit on in public (especially at the gas station and they be tryna pump my gas), asked out by my coworkers, insults when i turn men down in the club that im “not all that anyways” or even told im kinda ugly 😩😭

when i was under age and maybe up until 18 i’ll mimic some of these women, old/creepy men used to hit on me. now that i’m older that interestingly happens less? i get lots of men my age, few older men. i don’t really like old men but i respect them shooting their shot.

these men aren’t begging for dates, they’re trying to get their dicks wet - there’s a difference. but yes, i 100% can get laid whenever i want. i am kind of a slut because i love sex, and if i didn’t want kids and a family i’d probably have an extremely high body count because i’d be yolo’ing it up with all the yummy rich or handsome men.

please stop acting like loser men are saints begging for dates and to romanticize women. they’re begging for crumbs of pussy.

pinktuliplover · 2022-11-21T10:29:50+00:00

I do receive flirting and compliments a lot, but there definitely isn’t a harem of men.

I don’t really believe in opposite sex friendships (unless they’re gay or a complete outlier—I only have one straight male friend) so after I reject a guy I pretty much cut him off. We may chat if we see each other out and about, but I don’t purposely keep men around that I know want me. I’ve lost respect for men who wait around like that.

Despite this, I do believe I could have sex whenever I want though. I don’t believe in casual sex so it wouldn’t happen, but yeah I could easily get sex from a guy if I wanted to.

datfishd00d · 2022-11-21T10:54:24+00:00

Absolutely not.

Albeit Im not from the US, and men cold approaching here is much rarer. Ive had it happen a few times during my life, but probably not more than once or twice a year in the past 7 years. And yeah, its often by creepy or old dudes (+40s). Other guys who have taken an interest on me organically through friends or even parties have been people in relationships, or who quickly turned abusive or assaulted me.

I personally even prefer online dating because it makes it easier for me to vet guys.

Honest_Cranberry_313 · 2022-11-21T13:35:46+00:00

I think being a girl and being a … “pretty girl” just adds more noise to the type of people openly attracted to you

I do the thrift/sell at vintage market lifestyle thing and go to goodwill every other day. If I make more than regular eye contact or say even one remotely conversational sentence to a dude at goodwill, I can almost guarantee he will wander back around at some point and ask for my number.

I used to get to so angry at this, like femcel angry. But I gotta learn that people are just really lonely in this world. Seeing a smiling, friendly and nice looking face is an open invitation for a large population of ppl in this world.

It sucks if you’re insecure/bad at making decisions. Or are unsure of ur own judgements.

I think attractive ppl still have to deal w real vs. fake and sometimes it’s just as hard to tell what’s true when things are packaged nicely, in a pretty box.

localmicrodosechamp · 2022-11-21T14:53:43+00:00

nope and when i did OLD all men wanted was low effort sex.

Bekiala · 2022-11-21T15:14:01+00:00

When I was young I received a fair amount of attention however I sure wasn't worrying about the guys height and I don't think of genitals at all. At the time I was struggling with undiagnosed mental health issues and trying to figure out how to make a living. I just didn't have the band width to think about these guys in much depth.

lovelythecove · 2022-11-21T15:45:13+00:00

I did in high school and college. I don’t think it’s common outside of school though. I don’t even talk to enough people, let alone men, to have men vying for my attention like that LOL.

But in high school and college there were plenty of guys constantly trying to get my attention. It’s kind of fun sometimes but also pretty annoying. And I’d say 75%+ of them I wouldn’t have wanted to date or fuck anyway, so it’s like, what’s the point? I would’ve been fine being their friend but they didn’t really want that. They were essentially just pretending to be my friend hoping I’d give them a crumb of pussy. It’s lonely and dehumanizing to have so many people treat you that way. Like you’re a walking, talking vagina. They act like you’re sooo funny, clever, cute, etc. but it’s all fake. They’re just trying to use you, whether they realize it or not.

Now all my male friends are genuinely my friends. I much prefer that. We have mutually beneficial relationships that aren’t one-sided or fake or built on him putting in friendship coins hoping to get pussy in return. In theory I don’t even think I could come onto any of them without them being really confused, because our friendship isn’t built on that feeling at all.

mcove97 · 2022-11-21T15:57:55+00:00

IRL no.. online and on dating apps? The simps are simping hard. I work in a funeral flower shop so my customer base is middle aged and elderly people for the most buying flowers for their deceased loved ones. Not exactly a lot of flirting opportunities. I'm also hella alternative in my style, so I repel your average ordinary joe.

2022-11-21T16:17:38+00:00

I live in the UK and there's etiquette regarding speaking to people in public. As a general rule of thumb - it's seems rude to hit on a woman going about her every day business.

When I go to more backwards countries like the US or eastern Europe, it's quite prolific.

As for friends and acquaintances - if they express interest in me romantically or sexually I generally hold them at arms length when it's not reciprocated my end. The thought of knowingly having an orbiter gives me the ick.

When I'm out clubbing, I get lots of guys dancing near me and making eye contact - but it's pretty easy to just turn my back on them so they get the hint. Fortunately they usually do.

Lost_Conversation546 · 2022-11-21T17:18:17+00:00

There is a portion of men that are willing to sleep with basically anything that moves. So I’d say most women could get laid whenever they want. But I wouldn’t consider any of it to be a fantasy. Most women that I know don’t want to just get laid, they want a relationship which they don’t see with the “haram of men” who are willing to sleep with them, because generally those men are just looking to sleep with you.

jamjars666 · 2022-11-21T19:11:08+00:00

Lol, no.

I'd say I get hit on by a random stranger at the bus stop or on my way to work, average once per week. Never, ever, a legitimate prospect.

Embarrassed_Cup2524 · 2022-11-22T06:39:51+00:00

No. I'm barely a female online presence.

Bananaflakes08 · 2022-11-22T06:51:07+00:00

I think these actions are only received by like 10% of the female population. It’s like Alphas of the female world. Really only a small population of both genders are getting these type of royal treatments by the opposite sex.

And really, sometimes attractiveness has not much to do with it, I know stunning men and women who don’t get much attention from the opposite sex, maybe they seem to intimidating or something

rmhut234 · 2022-11-25T00:44:29+00:00

I think it depends on how “attractive” you are.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-11-21T10:15:01+00:00

Even when I was younger and at my hottest it was maybe a couple of times a week but mostly not by men I would actually consider dating. I am 50 now and I can think of 2-3 guys I could probably hit up and have come over for NSA sex, but I am not interested since I am married. I’d rather have sex with my husband than some rando just looking to nut who isn’t invested in being with me.

_demidevil_ · 2022-11-21T11:21:39+00:00

No - it’s more like men catcalling and saying disgusting overly sexual things. That’s obviously not going to end in a date.

If I go to a straight bar then 100% will be approached by men.

As for women caring about “petty” issues. Lol. Our main concern above things like height and money is always safety. So looking out for red flags, making sure to meet in a public location and have someone know where you are. That kind of thing.

catniagara · 2022-11-21T11:44:56+00:00

Men compartmentalize. If they see you as the kind of girl they want to pursue, they are incapable of seeing you as someone they could take seriously. They might endlessly stare at you or follow you around, and it might even make other women jealous, but you can never break through that wall where they see you as an object or an avatar instead of a person.

I’ve dated a lot of guys from the men “every woman wants” to mooks I felt sorry for. The rich CEOs wanted to take care of me and when I told them about my aspirations they said I had to be kidding. “You’re not serious enough for University” “You’re not disciplined enough” “Why would a girl like you have to work for anything”

And if I dated a random overweight GameStop employee it was worse. The constant suspicion and accusations. “You only invited me to make fun of me” “You just want to use me for money” “I can’t leave you alone in my house because you’ll probably invite all your friends over and throw a party”

And that’s the ones who didn’t want to exploit my looks for their own gain. So they could show off that they had a “hot girlfriend” to other guys or the worst ones that wanted to turn me into a hooker, or the club owners that just wanted me for a draw.

All that attention is super fun when I’m in a relationship too. When someone screams at my SO “how did a guy like you get a girl like that” and he’s all proud? He doesn’t seem to notice that he was just described as a “you” and I was described as an “it”…but I do.

They seemed to have watched a lot of movies but hadn’t met any actual people. But they missed the fact that in movies there’s always hundreds of go-go girls in cages, strip clubs, random waitresses, models and girls working retail who have no money and no future, whose entire existence depends entirely on putting up with exploitation, being treated like an object, and never turning 30.

Your best chance is to be very, very stupid. If you truly do have nothing going for you but your looks, you won’t struggle against this identity. But then you’d be very stupid, and gullible, and evil men will exploit that.

I don’t think most men are able to see women and girls as human beings, and they don’t seem to be able to grow in a relationship either. Mentally they’re permanently 17. They’re kind of losers. Like I said, a ton of options but most of them are garbage.

I’m considered “lucky” to be with my SO because he doesn’t beat me, cheat on me (much), threaten me, or take an active role in ensuring I never meet my goals. Because he showers more than once a week, brushes his teeth almost daily, understands the struggles of being a woman since he’s non-binary, occasionally spends time with me instead of gaming, and is capable of completing chores within 7 times the necessary time frame if I give him a list and continuously remind him of what needs to be done and the fact it needs to be done.

The bar is so far on the floor for men that they have to use “yeah well you get ATTENTION” as an excuse to pretend they don’t have privilege. You want to impress me? Stop staring at my ass and look at my resume for once, how about that?

Re/ the question below I can’t reply so I’ll edit this one:

😅😬

I’ve been trying to answer that for a while and it’s hard to. It’s so hard to. I’ll try. It’s hard to feel safe in “liberal” spaces these days. They are pushing a lot of harmful agendas. It’s like they start out with something you agree with, a matter of actual human rights, and then devolve from there. Like:

Equal pay for equal work! ✅

Social welfare is necessary for community survival! ✅

Marijuana has never hurt anyone and it’s a cure all and all diseases would be eradicated if we all smoked weed! 🫣WHAT?!?!

And especially on Reddit, a lot of “feminist” subs are supporting the opposite of feminism.

They are using “We support sex workers!!!” but they actually support the sex industry, and will not allow anyone to call it out for being abusive and dangerous.

They are using “Trans Women ARE women!” But they refuse to acknowledge the groups of trans women who have threatened violence against cisgender women and who have very deliberately shut down or worked against advocacy that only affects cisgender women.

For just one example, they violently protested a meeting where women were attending talks about sex trafficking, screaming “Suck my big fat girl dick” in the faces of trafficking victims and advocates.

I guess it’s that when people know their opinion is considered “wrong”, a certain humility and an ability to unpack their own behaviours and circumstances comes with that. Whereas if people believe they are or should be supported without question or if (as in the case of sex and drug industry advocates) they have a financial investment in getting women to believe something no reasonable person would believe (sex work makes you rich and freeeeeee!!!) (all drugs should be leeeegggaaaalll) they shut down all conversation to the contrary.

Or that they think is to the contrary. Even…ESPECIALLY if there’s evidence that it is, actually, a fact.

It’s abusive to scream in a woman’s face that she isn’t allowed to regret her abortion. It’s abuse to scream in a woman’s face that she deserves to die if she has an abortion. To a scared, pregnant woman trying to make a decision, they both look the same.

To me, they have often looked the same. As I said in another post, I have been victimized in the past by men and women who attempted to force me, and others, into the sex industry. So…this might offend some people but if I’m being honest, I would rather help a man who genuinely wants to be in a loving, one on one relationship with a devoted woman to get what he wants…than encourage teenaged girls to believe that sex work is the wave of the future, nipples belong on instagram, and schools should be shut down for enforcing a respectful dress code.

I have a million other examples. Like I’m a vegan but screaming at meat eaters is extra annoying. Besides I like fishing. Ad nauseum.

TL;DR weirdly enough, the trying-not-to-be-radicalized men in these subs align more closely with my beliefs than the heavily radicalized men and women in the Uber mensch liberal communities.

hummerjazzstrummer · 2022-11-21T12:15:29+00:00

I will be completely honest. Yes I get hit on a lot and yes I always have multiple options to consider at anytime. I exclusively date guys who have all of the above. Part of the reason for this is that other guys mostly date me for “arm candy” and you get the sense that they love you for your looks. Other guys who have lots of options take that into consideration sure, but they aren’t impressed by me and vice versa so we get to know each other on a deeper level.

On the other hand, dating those kinds of guys brings its own issues. These guys know they are desirable and therefore have extremely high requirements even for the most attractive women. Many of them never settle down for that reason or until they are much older. My last relationship was 6 years long and ended because he had commitment issues right before we decided to get engaged.

My current boyfriend is 10 years older than me, 6’4 ex basketball player and business exec, he gets hit on more than me! Lol women men you name it. I hate it. He has been open with me about his reservations about settling down, but he is the sweetest most level headed guy I’ve ever been with. We just came back from a fabulous 2 week vacation in Asia. And though the pace of our relationship is slower than most, he is dedicated and in love with me for who I am which I don’t find often.

So essentially yes I do think there are some of us who have options but we deal with the same dating issues as everyone else. Grass is not greener and I often wish that I could date in another pool, I’ve had shorter guys, less attractive guys, ones making less money, and ultimately their insecurities got the best of us time and time again. My last such boyfriend I was madly in love with! As time progressed became emotionally abusive, insecure, jealous and possessive, and I had to end things. It absolutely crushed me!!!

I hope this explains a different perspective. Please don’t judge so harshly.

Anykindofland · 2022-11-21T12:28:29+00:00

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pearllovespink · 2022-11-21T21:04:00+00:00

Yes. I went out last night and had multiple men approach me. I’m very well put together when I go out. Hair, makeup, and clothing always looks well kept and impressive if I do say so myself. I get a bunch of likes on dating sites. There is literally an endless amount of men I could have sex with if I wanted to.

Let me also add that I’m plus size and there is no room for error. I have to look 10x more put together than skinny women.

Laurely4u · 2022-11-21T10:38:15+00:00

In Las Vegas Nevada there are abundant thirsty scrotes but nobody wants an actual relationship

delight-n-angers · 2022-11-21T18:47:46+00:00

Nope. But I'm not conventionally attractive, I'd probably be a femcel if I didn't have a wonderful community of neurodivergent queer weirdos that loves me.

FootballBusy · 2022-11-22T01:06:24+00:00

Honestly yes 😭 but I am an instagram fitness influencer. I wouldn’t call myself spoiled. I think that’s just a gaslighting term that men use against women who get a lot of attention. They feel like the woman is somehow ruined because she receives too much validation. But that’s a stupid way to think and I feel like men who call women spoiled are literally jealous of women and they wish they were a woman so they could see what it feels like to receive attention. I’ve only heard undesirable men make that argument that women are spoiled or corrupted by too much attention. They’re threatened by the confidence, beauty, and social status that an attractive woman has. I feel like the guys who get mad at my choices are just guys who are mad that they don’t meet my standards. The men who complain are the ones who wish they could dominate and control a woman like me, or have a fitness model just begging for their attention. I may be a model but I’m not stupid or desperate . And I would rather be single than be with a guy who wants to control me or make me a part of his harem. By the way I also do not just sleep with guys . I feel like a lot of men get upset because they don’t have access to sex with beautiful women.

ohthatmom · 2022-11-21T13:40:53+00:00

Dick? Yeah that’s kind of important. For me.

Height? Yep, paid money to set a filter for that.

Income? Needs to be on par with mine.

Race: Don’t care, history speaks this.

Funny: Yes, absolutely. Must be funny. Very high on my list of desired traits.

Bad boy: Nah, btdt.

Katatonicsnake · 2022-11-21T23:32:51+00:00

Yes and no. I receive attention, but most of them would not be potential candidates in my eyes even if I was single. A functional relationship can’t start from behaviors like orbiting.

TommieCrane · 2022-11-21T23:58:20+00:00

Wrong. I haven’t met a decent available/emotionally available guy that I would be sincerely interested in a while. The only person I’m really currently crushing on is spoken for.

NeighborhoodVeteran · 2022-11-22T02:16:50+00:00

I don't see how that would validate their fantasies.

Typical-Equivalent89 · 2022-11-21T10:02:51+00:00

👋🏾I don’t have a harem lol but I do have orbiters who I could have sex with fairly easily. A mix of exes, friends with benefits, and men who I’ve never given a chance to.

I am more selective with characteristics I want in a partner however I don’t think they’re as petty as dick size or height. Marriage is ultimately the end goal, so since I’m not dating just to get laid/for company I’m going to focus on the traits I want in my husband. Income, overall attractiveness, and willingness to provide are key for me personally.

I’m not a model by any means but receive compliments regularly and people are very comfortable approaching me/starting conversations. I’m usually in a good mood and I’ve been told I exude positive energy. I have somewhat of an alternative look and stand out which catches people’s attention.

I guess I fit your description to some degree, though I hate to feed into these male generated stereotypes lol. What you describe is my reality now but it hasn’t always been. I definitely spent a lot of time working on myself physically and mentally and continue to do so.

Razumnyy · 2022-11-21T12:24:49+00:00

I’ve probably had about 10 guys say they were interested in me or ask for my number over 10 years (though I have been in a relationship for almost 7 of them). Equal amounts from random guys on the street, parties, and friends of friends. This covers school/uni/early career age range, and the majority were from before starting uni (I think 1 at a party and 1 on the street since then).

As background I hardly ever go to parties and don’t drink, have never used dating apps, never used Instagram or anything to post selfies other than setting a profile picture, and never had male friends that weren’t in a relationship with one of my female friends, or part of a larger friend group and I wasn’t close to them.

erinmonday · 2022-11-21T12:35:57+00:00

I usually get stared at. That’s about it.

Yah. I think there are threshholds of hotness. Ugly. Not hot. Approachable. Cute. Pretty. Intimidatingly hot. And then “omg smokeshow.”

Often ive had to initiate with “normal men.” I spent my whole life thinking i was ugly or something was wrong— then sometime in my mid twenties, when i was on a date w/an a-list comedian, that “oh, yeah — hmmm..??” moment hit.

I went to see a plastic surgeon about tightening some skin after weight loss and he wouldn’t let me leave his office until I agreed to a date (i later ghosted.)

Other than that ive only ever been pursued organically by celebrities or IT execs (this latter type is often married and therefore repugnant).

Met my husband on Twitter and he thought I was a bot :)

Spacetalks3114 · 2022-11-21T12:57:48+00:00

I've never had anyone find me desirable. No one asks me out in real life lmao.

MicrospathodonChrys · 2022-11-21T13:32:07+00:00

Currently, no. I am 32, married, and don’t frequently interact with people i don’t already know.

But if I’m being totally honest, for most of my life i did receive frequent positive attention by men who were appealing to me. Definitely not daily, but frequently enough that i never felt starved of options. (Of course i got and still get unwanted attention at times as well.). I’ve never used a dating app and i never post my picture on social media.

And if all male friends are “orbiters,” then yes I’ve had those all my life. (But I don’t see it that way and they don’t either. Most of us have been friends 15+ years and most of us are happily married now.)

ohdiddly · 2022-11-21T13:37:12+00:00

Online? Yes absolutely an everyday occurrence.

In person? It happens rarely but is also highly context dependent. If I’m at a bar/club there is a 100% chance I’ll get hit on, but if I’m just doing everyday stuff like shopping I get approached maybe once or twice a year.

2022-11-21T13:58:38+00:00

No, nor do my friends, who are objectively good looking tbh. We've all had the odd guy admit feelings, but I'm certainly not inundated at the supermarket.

For reference I'm English and I think there's less of a culture of that sort of thing. I had a guy start chatting me up in the supermarket once and I was so surprised and disturbed because it just doesn't normally happen here.

I feel like guys on here say all women have this and if a woman says she doesn't then she's deemed to be ugly and therefore her opinion isn't worth anything. It's a bad faith argument in the line of No True Scotsman.

In terms of getting laid, after safety measures, I don't think it's easier to get laid as a woman. Sure, you could find some cock somewhere but at a terrible risk. Once that's taken into account its about even, once you take into account the factors affecting everyone e.g. looks, time etc

Flintblood · 2022-11-21T14:17:36+00:00

I appreciate the attempt, but there is a fundamental issue with the way this question is presented. The problem here is that many women probably have no idea that guys are simping on them unless the guy is not really desired and he’s not a doing her a lot of favors and volunteer labor. Fact is, guys going over and above to contact and call them and drop messages and offer favors is normalized to the point that women don’t really notice it as sexual interest.

wtknight · 2022-11-21T14:18:43+00:00

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howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-11-21T14:25:03+00:00

Absolutely not. Have had a few guys in my DMs asking for feet pics before. Have been groped and harassed in public from time to time. But no, it’s not an onslaught of orbiters professing their love to me online or in person every 5 minutes.

Noble_trader · 2022-11-21T14:26:00+00:00

Females walking around oblivious to their hundreds of options and me here wishing I had one option

PicklePixie · 2022-11-21T14:35:43+00:00

Sort of, but IRL it's men twice my age and skagged out toothless bums. Online I get attention from normal men my own age, but that's because I'm a very, very, very minor e-girl.

aspiring-schizoid · 2022-11-21T15:07:52+00:00

Kobe_curry24 · 2022-11-21T15:20:15+00:00

This is a myth it’s not every day stuff it’s the fact that women can log online and get attention/ men can do the same

rurunoa · 2022-11-21T15:34:58+00:00

2022-11-21T15:55:18+00:00

I get hit on randomly by men both older and younger than me, but it's not an everyday thing. Granted, I don't go out everyday. I usually just go to work and then home. Maybe out to run errands. Ime orbiters tend to be a thing in younger social circles. Most adult men and women will quickly leave if you don't show interest in them; it doesn't make sense to waste time pursuing someone not interested or partnered. I do have exes or guys who try to pop into my DMs once or twice a year, but my (male) partner has that, too. Usually we talk about them with each other and laugh about it.

The majority of women don't have guys drooling over them, begging for a chance, or inflating their ego. If you seek that attention, sure, you can get it, but it's not a default setting that just happens because "woman".

Disasterid · 2022-11-21T16:03:43+00:00

Usually when I go out I am complimented by women (usually super respectful and when it's flirty it's still super complimenty) but sometimes men do get weird when I am in a super public place but it's usually like "You look cold, lemme warm you up" or some weird stuff like that. I think I may have tuned it out because if someone isn't making direct eye contact with me I usually assume they are not talking to me, so people around me actually have to make me aware that someone just hit on me. The problem however is that I am 17... Most of the dudes hitting on me are soooo out of range age-wise.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-11-21T16:09:38+00:00

When I was single and working retail it was the worst. It was like I had fair game stamped on my forehead. When I worked at the fine jewelry counter it was especially bad. I had to dress fancy and all in black. Peak worst was when I cut my hair very short and it was platinum blonde. I had an incident where they wouldn't let me walk alone to my car at night. The thing about retail is you have to be overly nice and smiley to customers, it's your job and unfortunately some men don't get that. The thing is these men were all much older than me and I would never even consider dating them.

Then male boss sexual harassment is always just excruciating.

Now that I work remote I am never bothered except when I fly into HQ but pre COVID I figured out if I wore a pencil skirt or wiggle dress to work male employees would stop by my office just to chat and I'd get catcalled walking home.

I generally now go out mostly with my partner who if he was an actor he would be type cast as a mafia enforcer. It helps dating a guy who looks like he'd break your kneecaps with a crowbar even if he's an IT nerd pacifist.

But it's not an everyday thing. It's not as if I'm bombarded. But it's enough to be annoying. I've had bad experiences where I was sexually assaulted and those really stick with you. Those are the most problematic.

Romanticlibra · 2022-11-21T16:32:06+00:00

Anyone who throws themselves around like this isn't relationship material in the slightest and in all honesty i got more attention from men in my daily routine when i was 14-17 then i ever get now im 21, in fact I've been called at ONCE in the entire time I've been an adult and im moderately attractive, curves etc, really goes to show how these type of men work because i didn't look old for my age or anything like that, i was very obviously younger than 18. We aren't "spoiled for choice" because the men that do that stuff are creeps.

Logical-Confection-7 · 2022-11-21T16:42:04+00:00

Attention. Feels so far as man. You don’t really get attention. Most women say is so horrible to get that amount of attention, yet I always feel a bit envious. I wonder how would it feel if it were the other way around. As guy it doesn’t feel good not having no one looking at you, but women say is awful all that attention, so who knows.

InfamousBake1859 · 2022-11-21T16:48:06+00:00

No. But i get enough that i don’t need to settle

smoore95 · 2022-11-21T19:26:47+00:00

Puppying? What is this? I like this term.

chilumibrainrot · 2022-11-21T19:57:51+00:00

no....i've only been hit on a few times in public and a lot online (but i don't count online bc it's just guys trying to get nudes.) the illusion that most women have men lined up at their doorstep is false and i honestly have no idea where anyone got that from. the women who say they do experience this are either extremely attractive, exaggerating, or just lying.

FancyCocktailOlive · 2022-11-21T20:57:00+00:00

Hahahaha! No!

Lanzienator · 2022-11-21T20:57:25+00:00

2022-11-21T22:14:25+00:00

I used to! Now, I'm off social media, got rid of male "friends," and do my best to not call attention to myself when I'm alone. I'm at way more peace now and can properly focus on myself and my man better.

But this isn't the same for every woman! I know women in their 20s who have never been asked out in their lives.

violet4everr · 2022-11-21T22:26:22+00:00

No. I’ve been hit on respectfully during the day before. But this does not happen daily or weekly nor do I find the times that it did occur disrupting to my day. I do find that some men stare a lot. Which occasionally makes me uncomfortable but again disrupting to my day? No I suppose.

I really don’t understand the insistence of men on this sub that women are “spoiled for choice”. Not my personal experience

WhiteMarriedtoBlack · 2022-11-21T23:37:01+00:00

A lot of this are guys trying to have one night stands. There’s a difference between a one night stand and a reliable long term healthy relationship. It’s kinda like getting a lot of junk mail. Sure you are getting attention but it’s more of a hinderance.

IcarusKiki · 2022-11-21T23:44:33+00:00

Occasionally but I shut it down easily because I'm introverted and its a nuisance.

IntegrityDJones · 2022-11-21T23:57:25+00:00

Yea pretty much. Running errands, Uber drivers, out partying, dealing with two guys at my job now who won’t leave tf alone.

It def bothers me. I don’t care that I pass your minimal attractive threshold to ram your dick into me and I have shit to do. That being said, I do reject politely and respectfully. It’s when they don’t take the no is when I have to get nasty.

truthstobetold · 2022-11-22T05:30:24+00:00

I did... When I was 13-16. Now (22) not so much.

xcheshirecatxx · 2022-11-22T06:13:12+00:00

No, and I'm good looking

But I go around places looking like I want to beat up everyone. Resting bitch face ftw

Spacetalks3114 · 2022-12-20T00:07:38+00:00

Never. No man has ever asked me out in real life.

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