Why are Men's Troubles with Dating Invalidated by Women?

EulenWatcher · 2025-01-10T22:25:29+00:00

This is a very broad question. I feel it largely depends on the context - what "validation" means for this particular person, what kind of problems they complain about, how and who they're complaining about. I.e. telling your friends that you have troubles with your partner and you think about breaking up is vastly different from posting online rants about women being shallow bitches and no one wants to suck your dick.

Assuming the complaint isn't in the offensive form and it makes sense contextually, I think a lot of people just struggle with being supportive towards others and bearing their vulnerability. Hence, when you open up, you often get platitudes, "there are starving children out there" kind of reasoning, people arguing that you have nothing to be upset about etc. Within dating context a lot of complaints can sound accusatory even if there was no intention to accuse anyone, but some people will take it personally and start defending their position. Some complaints can make people uncomfortable, because it's related to them etc.

Then men and women both struggle with relating to each other's problems, because they're often the opposites of each other. Our sexuality and our experiences can be vastly different, so a lot of women struggle with feeling empathetic towards men who complain about something...very foreign to them. For example, a guy mourning a lack of casual sex usually doesn't make people feel any sympathy to him etc.

leosandlattes · 2025-01-10T22:11:36+00:00

What do you mean exactly by "invalidating"? Give an example.

The long and short of it is because women do not understand the male experience. It's like when men say women's concerns in dating are not real or no women experience hardship. They just do not understand the female experience.

There are some things that you can think about and be like, "Oh yeah I would understand how hard that must be." But as a whole I think many of these are looked as individual issues and that it is on the individual in question to fix them, since no one else will.

attendquoi · 2025-01-10T23:05:20+00:00

Because whenever I've really pressed men about what they think should be done, some level of not respecting a woman's right to reject them is always there. And that is absolutely intolerable to me.

Training_Hold_1354 · 2025-01-10T22:12:44+00:00

What do you want women to do about it? It often seems like it’s an attempt at weaponizing incompetence and making it a problem for women to fix instead of men working on men’s issues.

I rarely see men validating women’s dating issues.

ThatBitchA · 2025-01-10T22:32:26+00:00

Depends on the troubles.

The troubles discussed most frequently here are all made by the men themselves.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2025-01-10T22:58:40+00:00

Because all of men’s dating woes center around lack of sex. If men had problems that weren’t about sex it would be addressable. When the problem men have is always about sex then the only solution is taking away women’s rights and freedoms to live life on their own terms making women slaves making men’s “dating problems” unsolvable.

waffleznstuff30 · 2025-01-11T00:22:17+00:00

Because no matter what we say. It will feel invalidating or anything goes in one ear and out the other. You won't listen or it's excuses or "men just don't..../men are different they don't care about" "I'm ugly....I'm this ... I'm that women only want"

Here's the thing and issue with most guys and struggling with dating. You go into dating with exceedingly high expectations and a pressure on yourself. It's date, sex, or girlfriend I'm so lonely this has to work my worth as a person depends on this I need this. It's not get to know this person connect with this person is there a vibe with this person? Instead it's this meet girl has to be something I'M LONELY which is selfish and desperate and you're trying for a result not a person. And when it is nothing internalize it spiral complain about the friendzone. You are merely dating to fill something within yourself. And putting a lot of pressure on you and the other person to meet a need that you need to work on yourself.

Then to add to it is this micromanaging/neuroticism. This woman who I deem of a lower value shouldn't be going for men that I think are of a higher value. And then in comes contempt and mistrust from ragebaity Internet things. "Is she a golddigger?" "Is she a slut" "how many better guys did she date?!" "Is she actually attracted to me?!". So you have these high expectations of a random woman to meet to fill this void within yourself (sex/validation).... And she is already untrustworthy and has to answer to this that or the other. How can you expect to actually connect? Like organically connect with another person. And if you do would you even recognize it? Or would you treat them like crap?

Then saying people's individual selections are some kind of societal issue that needs to be solved. "Women are too picky". "Modern women only want". No, they don't want you. If you are a desperate, insecure, emotionally stunted, oblivious and withdrawn hermit. Of course they are going to pick, the attractive, interesting, well rounded, confident, easy going guy. Instead of walking on eggshells with pick me choose me I'm so lonely guy! And then framing it as women only want.. Chad....blah blah. No women just don't want YOU.

YOU.... Have to do the work. Developing yourself. Working out yourself. Reframing how you date. Managing your expectations. Working on social skills..YOU have to glow up.. You have to put some kind of effort into it. Yes it sucks some people have it easier. Yes it sucks you have issues/baggage insecurities but you have to manage it. You have control and autonomy to change it as well. You are ultimately your own worst enemy

cornersfatly · 2025-01-10T23:33:38+00:00

I can’t comment about your personal life because I don’t know you and you’ve given no examples or elaboration. Men receive pushback here because their ‘troubles’ are usually a smokescreen to say extremely aggressive, cruel and incendiary things about women at large. It’s currently happening in this thread.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2025-01-10T22:17:49+00:00

Because when men complain about dating they do it in a way that invalidate’s women’s experiences, rather than just complaining about their own. Example:

Perfectly acceptable statement: “I am frustrated that I don’t get many matches on dating apps, and it makes dating challenging for me.”

A statement that will receive pushback: “I don’t get many matches on dating apps, therefore women have easier lives than me.”

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-01-11T00:52:21+00:00

Because our autonomy is the reason you’re not getting laid, and we’re not going to invalidate that

And contrary to what you believe, “yeah that sucks” doesn’t end the misogyny, hate, stereotyping and complaining

Plenty of men don’t want sympathy, they want pussy, and they want it yesterday

PracticalControl2179 · 2025-01-11T07:36:50+00:00

The stuff men here say is provocative and cruel towards women. They don’t simply discuss their struggles with socializing and meeting women. They make offensive claims that paint women as irrational bitches who lust after wealthy and handsome toxic abusers and overlook or abuse reasonable, realistic, normal men who would treat them like queens (even though the same men making these claims overtly display that they would be petty and cruel partners). The men here also do things like make excuses for the use of prostitutes, rage about how fat and unattractive American/ Western women are, mock women for aging and “hitting the wall”, and comparing dating to being a “dancing monkey” to get sex. For heaven’s sake we have posts here where men call women entitled for wanting a guy to simply call 911 if she is in danger. I had a guy go on a several comment debate about how because men are not entitled to sex, I am not entitled to a 911 call if he sees something bad happen to me. I also have seen guys call stay at home moms “leeches” and a guy saying that he has no sympathy for abused women because women can just go on tinder and find a new man to replace her abuser. There was also a guy trying to argue that marital rape isn’t real and that marriage means a man is entitled to his wife’s body at all times.

They dismiss any woman who says otherwise or calls out these views as hurtful as a liar or “woke radical feminist”.

It is very hard to be empathetic when the person who wants empathy is enraged and trying his best to be offensive and hurtful.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-01-11T00:53:57+00:00

why are you looking to strange online women for validation regarding your failure to fuck

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2025-01-10T22:03:46+00:00

Because men don’t actually care who a woman is, they don’t care if they share common values, common experiences, common interests, or common sociopolitical views.

Men will literally date and propose to a woman they have zero reason to talk to just for access to sex. It’s hard to take indiscrimination seriously.

Icy_Ad_4544 · 2025-01-11T00:58:49+00:00

From my own experience, the times I have validated a male friend’s (or even acquaintance) feelings regarding any struggles with dating/relationship, the guy has misinterpreted my sympathy as an invitation for them to try to pursue a romantic/sexual relationship with me. This has even happened with friends of my husband (😡😡) who have tried to pull that crap.

It also becomes a conflicting message of hearing that men want genuine lust/desire but then also asking for sex/a girlfriend out of pity.

DoubleFistBishh · 2025-01-10T22:53:14+00:00

The troubles themselves are not invalidated. The reasons they give for the trouble are invalidated because they're usually conspiratorial and delusional

Disastrous-Chart-928 · 2025-01-11T00:39:45+00:00

Because men are still expected to be stoic, complaining is unattractive to women, it's inherently feminine behaviour. Just like how audibly farting in public is inherently masculine behaviour, doubt men would find women that partake in farting in public attractive.

This is a gross over simplification, but it's the gist; society or biology (or both) wires us to tell men to just get on with it. It works, you'll have better dating prospects if you spend less time complaining and more time just trying to get some bitches.

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GridReXX · 2025-01-11T15:56:35+00:00

There’s a guy who’s rejected and he goes to women for counsel/venting after being rejected.

The women either engage in mockery of the man,

That’s rude. And cruel. Who are these women to him?

dismissal of him and his problem

This is nebulous. Concrete scenario examples are better.

blame that he didn’t “work hard enough” and declare him entitled,

This is cruel if this is exactly what happened with no other context.

See above. Concrete scenario examples so people can understand are better.

and accusations of him being a sexist.

We need to know more about what exactly was said from you and them. Right now it’s not clear what was said exactly by either side.

In short, minimizing the detriment or impact of negative events in the dating realm from women toward men.

It sucks for anyone when they feel minimized.

In order for us to really understand, we need concrete scenarios and context.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2025-01-10T23:56:12+00:00

Depends on what you mean by invalidating and, often, how you expressed those frustrations. If someone told you that, no, you don't actually have any problems, you're just making them up, that's a shitty and untrue thing for them to say. But if you said something along the lines of "Women are stuck-up bitches who don't want me because they all want rich guys to suck the life out of", I can see how people would call you out on that and not be super charitable to you.

I get the need for validation, we all need it sometimes, even if it won't really fix anything. But I've also been around long enough to see that many people are just super insensitive to the plight of others, and sadly, many people who started off wanting to sympathize with others just said "fuck it" after they received zero compassion or understanding for their own issues. I've met guys who downplayed any bad thing I'd share about my dating experiences, and after a while, I couldn't even pretend to give a shit about any bad dating experience they had. I'm happy to sit down with friends or even just people who are open to a respectful discussion on the difficulties we both face(d), but I have no desire to do so with people who would rather chew their own arm off than admit that other people might have their own struggles.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2025-01-11T09:31:39+00:00

To me it seems then men focus only on getting "someone" or getting sex. They just want "a relationship", not THE ONE, not actual compatibility or true love, "a relationship" at all cost. They focus on quantity, not quality. And I won't support anyone in getting casual sex or getting "a reltionship" at all cost even if it's not the right person.

RoseyButterflies · 2025-01-11T12:16:34+00:00

It gets exhausting hearing constant whining and how women need to be punished for rejecting men lol

TheAvocadoSlayer · 2025-01-11T14:22:33+00:00

It’s a coping mechanism of some sort. I feel like these people have a “dog eat dog world” mentality. I’ve experienced it from both men and women on here.

uglysaladisugly · 2025-01-11T15:04:00+00:00

What you mean by invalidated?

Professional-You1235 · 2025-01-11T15:10:03+00:00

They probably just don’t care, or feel women’s troubles are invalidated by men.

Title	Why are Men's Troubles with Dating Invalidated by Women?
Author	Dry-Ad3452
Upvotes	184
Comments	480
Date	January 10, 2025 8:58 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1hyes78/why_are_mens_troubles_with_dating_invalidated_by/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-are-mens-troubles-with-dating-invalidated-by.1540874 https://theredarchive.com/post/1540874

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