Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered September 10 2020

nat890 · 2020-09-18T13:23:33+00:00

So ladies how do we level up on this thing? Does it happen automatically? I’ve been a throwaway account for ages, trying to be as active on here as I can! I checked handbook which says >30 days but been on here heaps longer than that. Sorry for the total noob question I honestly have no idea how to reddit lol 😆

Snoo989898 · 2020-09-18T04:33:54+00:00

Surprised by the different vibe FDS has now without the questions now that there is askFDS. Without the questions we have collages. I went over to askFDS and without the uplifting posts we have here it’s quite a sad place.

There was literally a post of a man posting about how a woman was thanking him too much and her bar was too low. So basically criticizing her for having manners. Same old LV bs but now criticizing her for not being HV enough. Wtf.

There was a post asking for advice about about hooking up and then the poster arguing with kind replies.

Also posts from total queens just dealing with life throwing them curve balls.

But the vibe is so different. I hate reading about child porn on FDS. I wish that could be removed too. It’s just so gross to see posts about it 3 times a day.

Saitschik · 2020-09-17T22:04:51+00:00

So I got a Pickmeisha label without knowing why, there was no response to any of my messages and sincerely I find this very unjust and on the verge of bullying. It would be nice to get an answer at least here and in best case get the label removed. I am many things but certainly not a Pickmeisha

Sinchichis96 · 2020-09-17T20:31:53+00:00

First of all thank you for all the love and support I get from here. It has honestly helped me a lot leveling up and figuring out what I want for myself.

However, do you ladies have any advice in how to make more girl friends? For me I feel like it’s supper hard because of childhood trauma. I used to be bullied by girls back in high school so when I meet them I automatically assume that they are assholes

Anyway, any advice would help!

festivusfinance · 2020-09-17T20:27:58+00:00

Hi! I'm new to FDS and wondering, when in a committed relationship, what is the difference between being a builder/pickmeisha vs. communicating your needs and allowing him the opportunity to correct?

If you notice LVM attributes later in the relationship, how much opportunity do you give him to correct? If he corrects, is that acceptable? Or is he LVM no matter what? What is the margin for error?

After reading this sub and the Handbook I feel like there is no room for error.

riverofdenali · 2020-09-17T20:09:16+00:00

I just joined OLD as a 20 year old female. Most of the men on here are absolutely terrible, but I did match with one who I feel like I’m having a real connection with. I’ve set clear boundaries and he has remained respectful. I’m not sure if it’s extensively covered in the handbook but what is the general timeline I should look for in terms of him asking me on a proper date?

He is well off and Ivy League/private school educated, and it shows. He was valedictorian of his high school class. He stands out from the other men I’ve talked to on his app. He certainly has a lot of potential as a future partner.

Vaio200789 · 2020-09-17T16:44:32+00:00

I’ve really enjoyed the group this week! Thank you for sharing your collages! I have a recommendation for any ladies learning French or who already understand or are francophone. You tuber Alexandre Cormont is a relationship coach and I have a heard time finding any differences between his philosophies and FDS. I’m not one to listen / enjoy any old French podcast but I find him extremely easy to understand.

reina_nova · 2020-09-17T08:00:27+00:00

[removed]

throwaway-786786 · 2020-09-17T04:29:37+00:00

For my abstinent queens on here, how do you gals psychologically and philosophically deal with the societal pressure to have sexual experience in your 20s?

I feel like I've just gotten constant pressure to have sex since I was like 18. I'm 26 now, and basically spent most of what society calls my "prime" years, abstinent, and I will likely be staying abstinent for a while because I'm not interested in FWBs and I'm not interested in a relationship unless it will definitely lead to marriage.

I've had sex before with one person, but have no desire to have sex with anyone other than someone I'm sure I will marry.

I understand getting a vibrator/masturbating, whatever... but I think my issue with this reaches beyond just immediate sexual release.

I'm an atheist - I don't believe that I will have any sort of other "chance" to enjoy sex as a young person. It is now or never. I'll never be as young as I am now.

At the same time though, there's literally no one around I'd want to give my body too.

heyniceheinie · 2020-09-17T01:59:38+00:00

I am sorry if I get down voted for this, but why are we wasting so much of our queen energy on these LVM by making LVM collages? I really don't like this trend I am seeing. The FDS handbook (which is 200+ pages) and website seems like so much effort to put together, and it has actual strategy on how we work on and control the things we can change, so that we can have a better life and love life. I just feel like making these collages, while a couple are funny, is contrary to FDS principles where we wouldn't spend time on LVM. I'm sorry if you like them, that is just my opinion. Thoughts?

meannajay · 2020-09-17T01:19:39+00:00

please comment some reminders to not to text my ex and i deserve better. need to hyped up

Empress_of_cats · 2020-09-17T00:41:01+00:00

I saved the post about ghosting that was posted this week, it really spoke to me. Read it if you haven't yet!

A few weeks ago I had a ghosting and it completely wrecked my emotions. Logically, I knew I wasn't emotionally involved but I think it was mostly hormonal.

I decided to completely take a break from dating until I've achieved some of my career goals since it is just too distracting right now. Would rather just be even keeled!

cannedboelyn · 2020-09-16T21:56:10+00:00

I stopped eating fast food for now. Definitely feel better.

shortoncache · 2020-09-16T18:16:27+00:00

Can someone update / complete the Flair Guide? For example, LVM Logic and Social Group Strategy aren't on there, and Seeking Advice is still on it.

Partypuppers · 2020-09-16T17:20:35+00:00

I recently came out of a relationship and thought I was really looking for another relationship. But I'm actually not sure what I want now! Anybody else feel like this?

I want a HV man, a husband and the white picket fence and kids but I don't want to lose my freedom or independence.

I want a serious relationship but I also can't be bothered to date around (read: wade through OLD bullshit) and deal with people.

Maybe I should just go for something casual. I know that's not FDS approved but I've always been incredibly responsible (I've had maybe 2 partners) and have never really explored my sexuality. Never went wild when I was a teen, was always hard working and provided for my family. Maybe I need to loosen up and let my freak flag fly lol (pandemic permitting).

loveylove2 · 2020-09-16T17:07:31+00:00

Recently started dating a guy who’s a long term family friend- our parents grew up together so I’ve known him my whole life. He’s always been a really (really really) considerate and charming guy. He’s also extremely hygienic about his appearance physically and in his lifestyle, and is very attractive. He’s younger than me by 2 years, so I just never considered it given the immaturity factor. We’re in our 20’s. In the last two weeks- he’s taken me out to eat and told me beforehand he’d be paying fully and “not to worry”. Since most places are closed around us, he’s been taking me to nature preserves to do bird and tree identification (I’m an environmental science major so I love that stuff and he knows it). He’s been dropping off groceries at my house. I told him I wanted French braids and didn’t know how to do it and he pulled up a video and did them for me on the spot a few nights ago. I’ve been... seriously... blown away by his actions. I’ve never had someone treat me so well. I’ve known him my whole life and he’s always been this way but being on the constant receiving end of it after dating him has been astounding to me. I’m just here to say, I’m happy that his character is really like this, and I will keep holding my standards high and ensuring that if he doesn’t meet them I will bail. But so far, wow. What a great feeling. Edit: forgot to add- he also showed up with $100 in gas & grocery gift cards for me after having “extra” (he gets these for being a recent natural disaster victim).

warinmymind94 · 2020-09-16T15:42:50+00:00

I'm late to update but 2 things happened. An old classmate from highs school (we have been fb friends for like a decade) actually hit me up. I personally didn't know hom too well back then as he was in my club but always off doing stuff with some other guys and slacking off. He works real estate and dmed me. At first he was saying how he admired my business and how he saw I have a goal of buying a home blah blah. He was also asking about another guy classmate as he kind of disappeared and literally no one from my class knows what happened. He went on to tell me about his real estate business and the market I really thought it was just a sales pitch and I told him I wasn't ready to buy a home and I would never buy a home in my hometown (where he is based) but thanked him for the tips.

Then he asked me to meetup for coffee saying he would like to get to know me more and he also knows about stocks and wanted to tell me why I should invest. I told him no thanks and I don't invest in stocks I'm investing into my own business at the moment. Instead of saying okay and letting me be, he responded "damn, but why? Let's go get drinks instead." I said I don't drink and while I appreciated the advice I was not interested in meeting up.

This dude still didn't get it. He responded "aww but why". Normally I would have just deleted and blocked him but him and his family are good friends with my lady best friend and her parents. I did tell him "I'm not interested". He then said that his whole business tactic and tips were just a bluff and he really wanted to get to know me by taking me out and that "your parents would like me im successful and have so much to offer though, since you won't go to a bar let's just grab a cup of coffee!" I was furious and left him on read. Within an hour he 2nd messaged "so what coffee shop do you have in mind?"

I responded "sorry but its really not worth my time to come and meetup for a cup of coffee, let alone driving out of my way" He said we can meet halfway at any coffee place. I said that I'm really not interested and have a nice day. He then got angry and said i don't understand why you won't even give me a chance im 29 and have my own place and I work as a manager at gamestop and help my parents run their real estate biz on the side! Anyone would be happy to meetup with me. You need to understand there's nothing wrong with coffee and I'm not paying for a dinner or movie if I don't even know if we have any chemistry first. Coffee is a great idea so we can see if we have chemistry. Maybe we can meetup sometime later tonight" Me "im so glad I moved out of my hometown. Take care!" Him unfriends me on fb. Him 2 hours later on Twitter "I don't understand why girls won't give me a chance" (then got blocked everywhere)

Dude didn't even realize i live a few states away from him and that cesspool town. Like I said I would have normally deleted and blocked but having so many mutual friends and connections I tried to tell.him i wasn't interested. He became a butthurt scrote. Then my mutual friend found out what happened he must have said something and she's like "you should make plans with him and get that coffee when you come visit home" I didn't even want to explain I just said "nah im not interested. I told him that. I don't intentionally waste guys time" she then backed off.

And my 2nd thing I did a lot of thinking and as time keeps passing im leaning more towards the giving up on dating for good. I am keeping my promise to level up and see how I feel by christmas and go from there. I just feel like so many guys are dirty slobs and man babies. Every man I've ever known would leave laundry all over the floor. I remember by ex screaming at me because i sprayed the kitchen counters down with mr clean disinfecting kitchen spray (the generic of it) and he had a fit. His cat had just jumped on the counter and was strutting around. I had used those same counters to make coffees and prepare food to eat! I had to explain to him its unsanitary and the cat cannot walk where people eat and cook.

Summerisle7 · 2020-09-16T12:44:03+00:00

[removed]

Partypuppers · 2020-09-16T10:43:13+00:00

Ladies what's your experience with guys who seem a little insecure?

A man messaged me on OLD with a really lovely message, like 'You're so beautiful and I like your comments on your profile you seem like a good person, would love the chance to take you out for dinner at some point.' I thought this was nice so I matched with him. However we've been chatting and there are a few things I'm unsure of. For example, he's always apologising for himself or excusing himself. I'll ask him a question, he'll answer it and follow it up with 'I hope I'm not boring you'.

Or another example, he's from the north and when talking about it he said 'I have a slightly northern accent but southerners (where I'm from) don't seem to mind it so hopefully you'll like it 🤞.'

We spoke yesterday afternoon, I didn't reply to his last message (which I intended to do today), but he's already sent me a message saying 'oh shit, seems like I've scared you off 🙈😂, at what point did I frighten you? 😬'.

It's been less than 24 hours since our last message so honestly that was the biggest turn off. I'm not sure if he's super into me and would therefore treat me HV (to be determined obviously) or whether he is just a lapdog and needy and insecure and coming on too strong too soon.

Do any of you ladies have a better idea of what's going on? I feel like it's a fine line between giving your all to somebody because you really like them, vs. being a wet mop of a man.

PengBa · 2020-09-16T06:35:07+00:00

Just found out Cardi B is finally divorcing Offset! YAS SHE IS FINALLY LEVELING UP! She never needed Offset to be famous, hopefully she learns her lesson and avoid LVMs from now on.

GreenTeaPopcorn · 2020-09-16T01:05:14+00:00

So here's a thought I had in response to women saying they think guys in uniform are handsome;

You've probably even heard of women saying they have a uniform fetish right?

Maybe men look good in uniform because

1=most if not all army/navy/armed forces uniforms are designed to make the average male shape look better (I'm saying this from a fashion school background).

2=most guys, when they need to pick their own outfit, don't dress well.

So if you like a guy in uniform, keep yourself from swooning too early until you've seen how he dresses in his off time, until you've seen how tidy he keeps his car and his home.

Summerisle7 · 2020-09-15T19:35:37+00:00

Ladies, PLEASE read the modpost about blocking out all identifying details when we share screenshot or reddit posts here. The mods are having to remove post after post today and it's frustrating! Please cut out anything that shows people's usernames or pictures! Then we can have a good discussion!

throw2422 · 2020-09-15T16:45:30+00:00

I miss PinkpillFeminism and GC.

Blackrose_ · 2020-09-15T09:21:37+00:00

I just want to thank the mods for letting me post here. I've just finished binge watching the "Dirty John" podcast series. It's been remade in to a series staring Eric Bana and Connie Britton, I just couldn't stop flinching as I saw red flag after red flag just from the first 20 minutes and I had to put that on pause.

The podcast from Christopher Goffard is excruciating, as it outlines how John Meehan the con man scrote - who was casually destroying women he meet from OLD, and Goffard explained his motives of sexual harm and talks about Toxic Masculinity.

What I found was the same similar sort of rubbish this toxic con man was doing is similar sort of stories that appear here. The casual Red Pilling "neg" nonsense. The escalation in to insults and verbal rubbish. The slippery path of being future faked in to doing things that you don't want to do. The traps, egg shell walking and all this for toxic men who's egos are such that they demand to be flattered, emotionally cosseted for just existing.

Verify then trust. Background checks and check some more. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof.

Stay safe - much care

Perceptive_Person · 2020-09-15T06:01:59+00:00

This mindset is turning my into a pickmeisha and I wanted some help.

So I have this dream that I'll start a business with my soulmate and because of that, I feel like I'm
1) holding myself and depending on a business-minded guy
2) Becoming desperate for a certain business-minded guy

I've tried convincing myself to be independent and not depend on a guy but the truth is no one is self made and everyone has some help in their success (whether its a business investor etc). How can I stop limiting myself?

prickly-pear-cat · 2020-09-15T02:24:14+00:00

Tinder etiquette -- literally never used it before. If the match is made when I swipe, am I expected to message first?

huixqui · 2020-09-15T02:12:38+00:00

Word of warning about male friends:

I was talking to a female friend recently about her experience with a situationship that lasted for a couple of years while the guy was “on a break” from his long-distance ex. My friend eventually comes to find out that at one point the guy had gotten back together with his ex - at this point she was almost 2 years deep into the situationship and the guy had been back with his girlfriend for 6 months while at the same time sleeping with my friend.

Here’s the kicker: my friend shared a mutual male friend with the aforementioned cheater. She even went so far as to describe him as one of her “best friends.” Well, this friend chose to leave her in the dark for MONTHS about this guy getting back with his ex. She only found out by accident through a more distant (female) friend. When she confronted him on this he spewed some bullshit about “bro code.”

I have several close male friends, but I’ve heard too many stories like this to trust any of them to come to me with news about my partners’ infidelity, especially if they are friends with my partner as well.

Mimieuxmieux · 2020-09-15T01:18:36+00:00

Argh. Just posting to vent so I can calm down because I'm at work all worked up.

A contractor asked out my co-worker a few weeks ago, she was uncomfortable and gave a soft no. I told a male friend/acquaintance about this and he was all x "awww poor guy." I said no, it's at work, and she was not interested, just showing bare minimum politeness and now she has to be uncomfortable whenever he comes in.

He said I was overinflating someone being asked out on a date. I shouldn't have but I sent paragraphs on how men can't understand, when you grow up hearing stories of rape, murder, stalking, date rape, abuse, etc, and being socialised to be polite, it's SCARY that MOST MEN if you give them MINIMAL POLITENESS will think it's an invitation to your vagina. I told him yes, women ask men out too, maybe even at work but the power dynamic just isn't the same.

I'm just feeling so triggered. I've travelled alone and had a great time but having to always watch my back and be hit on my gross scrotes old enough to be my dad is fucking tiring. I was groped for the first time on the street when I was just 13 and looked younger. Literally we have no way of knowing which men are going to fucking kill us.

I have a psychologist but haven't really touched on this but I think I will. I'm really fired up now and just wondering what is even the point of trying to be friends with most men, they don't understand that it's a whole different world for us.

virgoran · 2020-09-15T00:09:16+00:00

Didn’t notice a LVM until a little later, but I’m learning to identify them quicker which I’m proud of. Anyway, this LVM were on about date 4? And he’s telling me all about his home renovations. I decided to go check them out. There’s no plaster on the walls... holes in the floor. I ask how long it’s been since he’s had walls or a floor without holes. 8 months. Boy bye.

Itiswhatitizzzz272 · 2020-09-14T21:16:50+00:00

A guy I was seeing asked me for nudes and said he wants to marry me, two days later it says he’s in a relationship on Facebook. I feel so bad for this girl and I’m so tempted to message her and let her know, but she will have to figure out the hard way, I won’t get involved.

ChimeraSmith · 2020-09-14T20:59:32+00:00

How do you guys deal with FOMO? I found myself suddenly single last year at 38 when my relationship of 16 years ended. He found someone (13 years younger than me) who he likes better. They got together within a week of him asking me for a divorce. So I’m 39 now and 40 by the end of the year and the desperation and loneliness is hard to deal with on almost a daily basis. I’ve been frequenting this sub because you ladies make me feel strong. But the desperation is still there. I’ve dated (met through OLD) and stayed with LVM until they leave me which seems to happen after a month. How do you ladies (especially 40+) stay strong?

apple_cores · 2020-09-14T19:01:48+00:00

Should I reach out to the girl my ex is “exclusively dating”, to let her know he tried not once but twice, to sleep with me and get nudes from me since getting together with her? If it were me, I would absolutely want to know.

I don’t care how this would affect him but I care about her well-being and don’t want her to go thru what I did. I’d like to show her this sub, especially since she still stayed dating him after finding out he slept with me while dating her (I had no idea he was dating anyone). They had just started dating when that happened but that’s a huge sign of disrespect and a whole lotta he ain’t it.

I_have_a_nice_bum · 2020-09-14T17:31:40+00:00

Need to vent

I recently read about covert narcissism and my marriage started making so much sense. I always considered my husband to be HVM but was really unhappy a lot of times, always thought something must be wrong with me. Why can't I just appreciate all the good stuff he does for me and be happy? Now it all makes so much sense.

We've had a huge fight 3 weeks back where I snapped and yelled I was fucking tired of him being a tyrant and that he was a really hard person to be around, now he is ignoring and avoiding me

So naturally, our marriage is coming to an end. I can't deal with him and I want a divorce. I know I deserve better but at the same time him rejecting me like that just really hurts.

We have a big backpacking trip to Utah national parks coming this weekend that was planned long ago. I dread the inevitable communication. I have no idea what mood he'll be at and the whole trip can go from really amazing to a total disaster.

After the trip I'll have to plan the divorce and move out. Divorce means moving back to my home country and then back to Europe where I used to live before I've met him. With all the borders being closed it might take up to a year before I finish moving and start settling down comfortably. This whole pandemics thing is really not making it easier! I know I'll manage and everything will be alright, but it sucks at the process.

Thanks to this sub and the community of amazing women! Stay strong, sisters.

musclebeauty · 2020-09-14T16:29:16+00:00

You never realize how this subreddit helps you think logically, until you ...a 31 yr old profesional are in front of a subpar 39 year old male for coffee (due to my dietary restrictions at the moment) and he goes on about wanting something “simple”.

And there I am, in shape, independent, confident, educated and well traveled staring into the face of a man that that probably partied and slept his way all through his 20’s and is now looking for a simpleton version of a female that won’t complicate his wants and fulfill his needs. Ew is all I can say

azureangel35 · 2020-09-14T14:44:24+00:00

https://narcsite.com/2020/09/03/narc-alert-pick-up-artist/

Important info and resource about the lengths PUA/MGTOW/TRP go to to prey on women.

yogurthief · 2020-09-14T13:36:22+00:00

I have a question about income. In the handbook it says you should only get into a relationship with a man that has higher income than you, why is that?

What if I really like a guy and he is a HVM and does everything right but his income is a little lower than mine (not min-wage, both in professional jobs). Would this be ok?

wish_i_wasntavampire · 2020-09-14T10:37:14+00:00

Sisters, I just deleted Tinder (the only OLD app with a reasonable user base in my country). Technically, OLD should be useful for busy and/or introverted women, but I figured out I'd rather put myself out there than deal with the shitshow.
The men are ugly and boring and out of those I matched with, only the less desirable messaged first. On top of that I hate putting my pics out there for ugly scrotes to swipe like a catalogue.
So yeah. Anyone had a similar experience?

Dontwannamarryu · 2020-09-14T06:27:38+00:00

I recently ended a relationship with my now ex boyfriend. We dated for almost a year and he seemed like such a nice and caring person, he supported my career goals, and all around a decent guy. He started acting different the last month, and I sensed something wasn’t right. I asked him multiple times if he was okay but the night before we broke up he started getting defensive and blaming it on me saying I have bad anxiety and it’s all in my head. That was my last straw. I talked with him about what happened and he finally admitted he wasn’t sure if we should break up or not. I said we were done, which seemed to catch him by surprise because he was probably expecting me to ask if we could try and work it out. It hurt so much to let him go and I am still healing from this, but I already feel like a stronger, more confident woman. I realized how much better my well-being is without him in my life. I’m so proud that I didn’t let my guard down even though we’d been together for awhile. This situation showed me how I shouldn’t be afraid to leave someone when their behavior cannot be tolerated during the most difficult times. I’m using my throwaway account because he might still have my Reddit and want to remain annonymous. And I’m glad I trusted my gut because one of my friends saw him on Tinder and his profile said he was looking to hook up with cougars and older couples (male and female)🤢

finance_me33 · 2020-09-14T06:24:46+00:00

Did I mess up?? Been talking to this guy for 2ish weeks. First date was nice. 2nd date I stayed over at his and we ended up sleeping together even though I told him that I didn't want to sleep with him until we are committed. He claims that he really likes me and wants me to stay over next weekend. Am I moving to fast? I like him but am also guarded and I'm not sure if staying over makes me seem "easy"?

icahart · 2020-09-14T01:59:31+00:00

I’ve been subscribed to this subreddit for awhile but never actually read into anything FDS. Usually I’m pretty uninterested with dating just because the men around me (on my college sports team, etc) aren’t all that impressive, but lately I’ve been expanding my social bubble and I’ve met a few men who I think are pretty clearly high value men (and they’re single!). I started reading up because I’m so so bad at flirting or displaying interest in men at all (like, last night the only thing that came out of my mouth was “I bet I can make a better Mac and Cheese than you” bad) and I need some serious refocusing on how to frame myself and display a little bit of interest without dropping my dignity. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

ShadowRealmDweller · 2020-09-13T23:11:19+00:00

So this is more of a question for when the epidemic is over and it's safe to socialize in person again. How do you make new friends outside of the group you're very comfortable in?

I recognize that my social skills could use some leveling up. Not sure if I'm on the spectrum or just from lack of practice, but I have a hard time socializing with people my age that's outside of a niche demographic that is already prone to be introverted and has a higher tolerance for social awkwardness (think: cat lover feminists from humanities background). I've been told that I come across as dorky or socially awkward and I'm trying to branch out so I can be be more outside of this niche group, with both women and men.

It's already hard to make new friends in your mid thirties, and I feel like I'm dealing with an extra handicap because of my not so great social skills. I've tried "fake it till i make it" at social/networking events but it makes me feel super drained because ultimately I didn't really care about getting to know these people.

Summerisle7 · 2020-09-13T22:59:27+00:00

Ladies, I made the effort to become an approved commenter on r/ askFDS and now I’m almost regretting it. Those are some VERY clueless posters. I’m already exhausted

afancysandwich · 2020-09-13T22:58:25+00:00

The Facebook pickme group is FULL of pickmes omg.

HereForFDS · 2020-09-13T21:20:50+00:00

Hi everyone,

I recently found Reddit and have been visiting this webpage everyday and trying to implement FDS strategies in my life. I decided it’s time to finally make an account. I have a dates lined up all next but COVID has me spooked about restaurants so I am considering going to their place.

ekkokekekko · 2020-09-13T19:08:12+00:00

Just discovered this sub yesterday, read the handbook in an afternoon, and spent the day walking around in a haze, re-evaluating every relationship I've ever had and realizing they were all LVM. I am a pretty woman and I've punched below my weight all my life in desperation to be loved. I've been in therapy for about a month due to my recent separation from an abusive husband. At age 40, I live on my own for the first time in my life. I'm underemployed but working on it. I was afraid to ask for alimony but I'm starting the process today. Finding this sub was a godsend: I didn't realize how much value I put on being a low maintenance cool girl who didn't kick up a fuss. Fuck that noise. Thank you for being here, thank you for the resources, thank you for the handbook, thank you for doing the legwork and gathering all of this information here. I appreciate you so much

posprov · 2020-09-13T18:05:59+00:00

Hey Ladies, a question for those of you on/with experience of dating apps: how long would you message a guy for until you cut him off for not asking you out?

Partypuppers · 2020-09-13T17:37:11+00:00

Just came back from a first date. What a bust. Thought I would share it with you ladies so we could all have a good laugh:

Invited me out for drinks 🚩. When I said I don't drink much suggested a picnic and lunch which I accepted.
On the actual date, he had no picnic basket! I had brought my picnic blanket and a bottle of water so was carrying around a bag while we instead went for 'a walk' in the park 😂😂😂
Finally he suggested that we find somewhere to sit so we went to a cafe. When the waitress asked us if it would be food or drinks he (without asking me what I would like and despite offering lunch) said 'drinks will be fine'. 😂😂😂
We sat down, at this point I had already lost interest in him but was enjoying having a nice day out in the sun so I decided to remain and chat. He didn't offer to get my chair, or ask if I wanted to move inside when the breeze picked up and I got a bit chilly (no consideration for me🚩).
At one point towards the end of the date he excused himself to go to the bathroom. At this point I thought he would discretely pay for the bill (two drinks that were in total maybe £10) but no!...
...He came back and got me up and said 'shall we get the bill?' 😂😂😂😠. He walked me over to the cashier at which point I just flatly said 'shall I help you out with this?' He was like 'uuhhh yeah sure'. 😂😂😂
I paid the cost of my drink which was a whopping £3 for a glass of OJ, he paid for his, and we walked out.
Afterwards he asked me for my number and asked if I wanted to meet up again. I said no and that I wasn't feeling the chemistry. Like I'm sorry, did you think you were good enough for me? Get out of here with your broke ass, stingy self. 😂😂😂

What a LV yeesh. 👎👎

Snoo989898 · 2020-09-13T14:15:33+00:00

Joined FDS a month ago. Made 5000 years worth of progress

ello-motto · 2020-09-13T13:24:29+00:00

Hey ladies, I'd love some thoughts on this.

I really think the male patriarchal societal view that women are masturbatory objects first, people maybe second (if ever) is really detrimental to TRUE gender equality in society.

No matter how high our economic position gets, or how many more women are in the workforce or positions of leadership, if essentially men are beating their meat to random women at night, treating them as a pure jerk off tool, then how are women ever going to be truly respected by men?

Low value men don't respect women because they see them as just things to have sex with to boost their ego with their low value friends. I understand HV men don't see women this way, but I'm just thinking about how many men and women both watch porn, men viewing women as sex tools, and women aspiring to BE a sex tool to feel self worth and validation.

The problem is, this is a very hidden issue. Most people are subconsciously internalizing this and running this on autopilot. Women who post thirst trap pics don't realise this is emerging from a very internalized male gaze/porn gaze that they're basing their self-worth and validation on. Men are running on auto-pilot, treating women like sex shop toys, browsing the IG and PornHub catalogue to take their pick on which one gets them off.

I just think the fact that this is not being addressed by mainstream feminism and thought schools is problematic to true gender equality. With songs like WAP, I hate how popular images of women empowerment are mainly empowerment via the male gaze/porn gaze.

Now I'm not calling for the complete opposite where women don't shave their armpits or leg hair to take down the male gaze/porn gaze and the patriarchy. This is not to say I reject women's femininity, sensuality and sexuality, but there needs to be an equilibrium where women understand their inherent self worth outside of being a sex toy FIRST and where men see women as a HUMAN BEING like them first, instead of just a mere sex toy.

Sorry if this is rambly, but would love to read some takes on this by other women here who have thought about and explored this topic. 💕

Skittleschild02 · 2020-09-13T09:56:11+00:00

So, I recently found out that a LVM that use to talk to on a dating apps is running for Congress. I am tickled by it, because he was preaching a whole different story to me. I am so glad my “creep” vibes are strong.

Just amazing how men will say anything to get a woman.

Snoo989898 · 2020-09-13T08:53:24+00:00

[deleted]

afancysandwich · 2020-09-13T08:16:15+00:00

[deleted]

Snoo989898 · 2020-09-13T03:24:24+00:00

I’m moving into my own place. I was staying with family the past year or so. I’m super nervous. I find I get really lonely when I live alone but also I want to live alone so it’s a weird combo. I’m worried that when I live alone I’m basically just going to be so lonely and depressed like I was before. I also feel like with coronavirus I cannot handle changes. Wish me luck .

honeybeeroll · 2020-09-12T19:19:32+00:00

I was reading an update on that poor actress from glee who accidentally drowned, and the article noted that 2 other former glee actors died before her, one 2 yrs ago by suicide weeks before he was going to be sentenced for possession of child porn I read up about it; an ex gf tipped off the police who found TONS of this shit on his computer and phone. He had a gf of nearly a year when he was arrested.

Now, I understand being in shock at the time, the gf didn't want to believe it. She wanted to support him and he pushed her away after he was arrested. But...as of this Feb she said she had a pic of them as her desktop wallpaper, and they even tho they dated nearly a year, and he did not introduce her to family or friends, she wants to tell his mom what a wonderful person he was.

Just...woman. He was a FUCKING PEDOPHILE!!! I cannot imagine the mental anguish of 1) having your relationship ripped from you due to suicide and 2) having to reconcile the guy she thought she knew with the guy he really was, but it sounds like she's struggling with it in a super unhealthy way and needs grief counseling + therapy. Like. This man helped keep alive an industry of exploitation and sexual slavery of children. Based on that truth alone, you have to realize you're blinded by grief or what you thought was love, and that you need help processing this. I hope in the months since that article she's realized this and is doing better...she's not doing her mental health any favors being hung up on an ex and romanticizing a pedo.

lovessourbeer · 2020-09-11T22:06:07+00:00

I filed for divorce today from an ex who revealed that he'd never been in love with me, gaslighted me about inviting my sexual assaulter to our wedding, but still wanted to stay married and have me become the primary breadwinner and baby maker. It's been a really tough summer and a tough last 6 months. This week I started my second year of law school.

I'm living with my parents since my law school went remote, and today was my parent's 33rd wedding anniversary. My dad bought my mom beautiful flowers and has a bunch of other stuff planned. They're not perfect people but it feels good to be around a couple that is still in love, and my dad respects the hell out of my mom. My ex tried to argue that I have "unrealistic expectations for a relationship" but I see my parents live out my "unrealistic expectations" every day.

narcthrowawaydiscard · 2020-09-11T20:10:45+00:00

My nex discarded me almost 6 weeks ago. It’s been fucking brutal. Not gonna lie. But...

-I’ve lost 3 glow up kilos (about 3-4 to go until I’m at my dream weight)

-I applied to a part time upskill course and have plans for more next year

-I’m reading a lot more and have been educating myself on covert narcissism and narcissistic abuse

-I’ve cut my daily drinking (read: self medicating away abuse) down to once every 3 weeks

-I’m doing tons of cardio

-I’m definitely not going to give up the side hustle he said I was good at but also that it was a waste of time

-I’m working to get myself financially stable

-and I’m grateful for this sub for urging me on to level up my life and never let someone like him into my life again

No fucker big or small will ever break me. I fall seven times and I get up eight.

Witty-Blueberry · 2020-09-11T19:57:25+00:00

[deleted]

Deadgirl1888 · 2020-09-11T19:32:48+00:00

I got banned for 3 days posting a comment on FDS saying rapist and child molesters should get the death penalty and it was considered violent content. Did I get banned from an FDS mod or from reddit? Either way it's pretty disheartening that it was considered violent but I guess raping women and molesting children is not considered violent in the reddit world:( .

CSardothien_1 · 2020-09-11T17:38:25+00:00

I recently just got back from my first solo road trip down the west coast and all I can say is that it seriously forever changed me. I learned so much about myself that I started to make a list of things that I learned and some of them were: I very much enjoy my own company, I have impeccable music taste, I’m beginning to become more brave, I’ve been watering a few too many dead plants, and that even though I know I have a lot to give to others I will always need to give more to myself. This sub taught me that.

Blondiepicklez · 2020-09-11T17:32:36+00:00

Did anyone else get introduced to this sub by a man? A guy I was talking to sent me this sub claiming it was the "female red pill" and now I read it like gospel. I just think it's funny how he sent it to be like "look how awful women are" when in reality this is just a group of ladies empowering each other and not taking shit from men.

debbiechongo · 2020-09-11T17:27:06+00:00

I love FDS and throughout my 20s I naturally adopted a lot of its principles after learning from mistakes I (26F) or my friends made. It’s quite logical and I trust it.

However, I feel like there’re a lot of posts about LVM and it inevitably makes me feel like there’s no point in even trying. This is exacerbated by having very few HVM in my life. I feel quite angry lately, which can be a helpful emotion but I want to make sure I don’t lose the loving kind parts of myself.

Wonder if anyone has thoughts on this? Who has had to find the right balance. Maybe instead of focusing so much on men I need to focus on myself.

NotYourBizThrowAway · 2020-09-11T16:23:29+00:00

I’m (28F) becoming so disinterested and disappointed with men that I do not even care what happens with my current roster, yet I want to be in a relationship and find my partner. I’m trying to level up career wise but it’s extremely difficult in these times. Several interviews with no offers. I feel like it’s promoting the “settle” mentality even though I know that settling is never the solution.

Sinchichis96 · 2020-09-11T16:13:16+00:00

kickhimout2020 here💁🏽‍♀️

IM SO HAPPY. I finally did it and it feels good as hell

I bhought myself flowers
Started meal prepping
Had am amazing workout since I’m competing at the end of the year.

Life is good and I’m blessed

Bellairtrix · 2020-09-11T14:46:27+00:00

Been texting this guy for awhile but he won’t make plans to hang out. I put it out there that I was free to do dinner this week but he said his week was busy and next week would be better. We last saw each other three weeks ago (he had a 2 week roadtrip with his friends and then when he was back I had to be in quarantine). How do I tell him I don’t want to waste my time if we’re not going to see each other even when we agreed to see where things go when he came back. I’m tired of being led on a string of there’s nothing happening at all..

Hhjjuuy · 2020-09-11T14:33:34+00:00

Hi ladies ! I have a question. Soooo there is a post on here that says not to be in LTR while in your twenties, to focus on yourself... so what is suggested for women in their twenties? Is it just casual dating/FWB ?

electric_icy1234 · 2020-09-11T13:37:49+00:00

The guy deleted it but I saw a post that said he was trying to get his cousin a girlfriend and that only girls 5’4” and under respond. This is why I get annoyed when men complain about how women won’t date them for their height when they act like THAT. I’ve had men complain that I was only 1-2 inches shorter or complain about my height, but oh if I said “you’re too short” they’d go crying how women discriminate against height 🙄

xNayxNayx · 2020-09-11T13:21:36+00:00

Rant: So tired of men not knowing how or lacking the initiative to plan a date all on their own. You asked ME out. YOU plan the damn date. Good lord! If I wanted to plan a date for myself, I’d go by myself.

I’m not playing the “What do you wanna eat? No what do you wanna eat?” game with some scrote I just met. You have my availability, dietary restrictions, hobbies, like and dislikes. Figure it fuck out!

vowelsareimportant · 2020-09-11T12:22:35+00:00

Does anyone have any good romance novels they can recommend? I am so tired of getting into a book only to have the male lead end up being a controlling asshole and emotionally or physically abusive.

Partypuppers · 2020-09-11T11:16:03+00:00

I've emotionally leveled up and I wanted to share it with you all!

I broke up with my ex 7 months ago. We were together for 5 years, but emotionally involved for 12 (he was my first love and he moved to my country for me). He wasn't a bad person but we had certain incompatibilities that, in conjunction with a global pandemic and not being able to see each other (long distance relationship), meant we decided on an amicable break up and to remain friends.

I was so so so so so miserable for the longest time. I've never been with anyone else so part of me believes I'll never find someone else who'll love me as much. This was made worse by the fact that he recently decided to hook up with one of our mutual friends and I was devastated he had moved on so quickly, this started happening a few months ago and I asked him not to tell me about it because it was too painful and he respected that and has kept quiet on it since.

This week he said he wanted to mention something and that his intention was not to hurt me but to let me know that things had moved on with this new girl and stuff had happened. He was trying to be honest with me. I think he was expecting me to be really upset. But no! I surprised even myself and was like 'Is that it? It was predictable. Ok thanks for letting me know'.

And then moved on to another topic of conversation. I am not invested anymore y'all! I am not invested - I'm slowly regaining my own happiness and it has nothing to do with him. 🥰💞

PinkPetalCdistbeauty · 2020-09-11T08:03:13+00:00

I’m just hurting and can’t sleep. My 3 yr relationship with lvm ended 2 months ago- I’m doing well on my goals and day to day work on myself and feeling better...

but damn I just miss him sometimes and still have love for him. 💯 no contact of course. On West coast in wildfire areas it’s so scary and want so bad to check on him /see him but know I can’t, and I won’t. I’ve made it too far to fuck my progress up and I WILL keep pushing.

apple_cores · 2020-09-11T07:34:52+00:00

I talked to my exe’s brother yesterday. I’ve mentioned once before but my exe’s younger brother is only 21 and already more high value than my ex. He’s hard working, smart, treats his girlfriend great, communicates and listens well, thoughtful. Just so different than my ex. He told me he was upset at me for getting back with his brother last year because he knew I deserved better and shouldn’t have come back after all his brother had put me through. And he was so right. He and my exe’s best friend confronted my ex about him dating his friend right after he and I broke up and about it being long distance with her. But I guess my ex insists he can do it lol. Yeah right. He’s already reached out and made the conversation sexual towards me (he’s blocked again). I’m just done. Having that conversation with his brother really buried any fantasies I had of us getting back together.

In other news, I’m talking to a few different guys on hinge and they’ve asked me out next week. We’ll see if they actually make plans but I don’t care. The great thing about online dating for me is I have absolutely no attachment to these men whatsoever, even after going on a date or two.

PeriAntoinette · 2020-09-11T06:12:55+00:00

RANT: Just realised that BARE MINIMUM ACTIVATES MY ATTACHMENT SYSTEM. Gah.

I've been working on understanding and healing my attachment and self-love issues for so long. Intellectually, I know what's happening. It's chemical and it's related to my "incorrect" upbringing.

I'm so in my center until I start liking someone. Then I fall into this spiral. The trap of oversharing. Fantasising. "BuT He'S sO niCE tO Me!". Fuck that pickme bullshit.

Then blaming myself for losing the edge. I've been through this way too many times. It's so predictable.

I'm so frustrated.

Accountabili_Buddy · 2020-09-11T06:03:50+00:00

If you’re new to FDS, and accidentally do a “pickmeisha” behavior, how do you come back from it? Ignore it? Address it?

berned-out · 2020-09-11T04:55:57+00:00

[deleted]

honeybeeroll · 2020-09-11T04:49:48+00:00

Guys I have a new one to add to the annals of shit scrotes say when rejected.

I was crossing the street today, disgustingly sweaty on this disgustingly humid day, and some fucking guy in a car stopped at the light starts hollering at me. Usually I ignore this for my own safety and sanity but I wasn't having it today. Bc I was disgustingly sweaty, tired, and this close to home, and this guy just had to. So I shout a half hearted "fuck you" w/o even turning around. And you know what he says 😂. "That's why you're broke! You can't even get a check!!"

Even though I KNOW I heard him right, I am questioning if I did because W H A T 🤣!?

I guess this is at least less nonsensical than the guys who holler at you about how beautiful you are and then do a total 180 and call you ugly when you reject them. This scrote went straight for my finances, a potentially very sore subject that could reflect much about my character and life, as opposed to the fleeting, superficial thing that is physical beauty lol.

Clearly the scrotes are trying some new shit 😂. I'm thinking of Aparna Nancherla's bit about sexual harassment and how some days it seems like these guys are trying out their experimental sexual harassment material on you lol. Your new material sucks, as did your old, do us all a favor and gtfo lol. Anything to make themselves feel better I guess 😂

melhaj · 2020-09-11T04:39:40+00:00

Just got rejected almost a week after what I thought was a good date. Dude couldn’t even tell me he wasn’t interested. He just said ‘hope the rest of the school year goes well for you!’(we both work in education). Immediately blocked, deleted his messages, number, and match on bumble. Definitely stings but I’m proud of myself for not responding and deleting him.

akankshakumar91 · 2020-09-11T04:37:52+00:00

I'm close to 30. After a decade of dating recklessly, I just feel so done with guys. A recent guy I was seeing seemed really great, but I seem to have got PTSD from my past relationships. As soon as I realised I was spending too much time thinking about him, I started getting anxiety thinking about what would become of us. Well, having been ghosted multiple times myself, I wanted to have a conversation with him. He has a really active social life. And his family is also staying with him ATM. It seemed like he would not have time to meet me anytime soon, I asked for his e-mail ID and mailed him my feelings. Sort of a closure for him. But he never replied. Never got back to me. I didn't want to bring it up on text so I texted him about other stuff in Insta and he usually replies to that. But he hasn't responded to my email yet and that has got me thinking a lot. This makes me sad now and then. Like, I thought he was someone else but he turned out to be different. It's classic with men. I know. But I do tend to grieve about it now and then.

need-to-irl-level-up · 2020-09-11T04:32:24+00:00

Been getting discouraged with my job and apartment hunt and starting to feel like I need to settle for less. Thought I was ready to thrive but it’s beginning to look like I really just need to focus on surviving. Also was banned and muted in r/ feminism even though I don’t think I’ve ever posted there. 🤷🏼‍♀️

_insert_username_1_ · 2020-09-11T04:20:10+00:00

I’m good. I’m passing my online college classes with good grades. (All A’s!) Getting better at balancing both school and work. (2 part-time jobs.)

wickedegg · 2020-09-11T04:09:57+00:00

Finally stood up for myself this morning and told my ex where I stand and what my boundaries are. Admittedly there are still waves of sadness but it had to be done, for my sake.

HutuZulu1234 · 2020-09-11T03:42:13+00:00

Was dating a guy on 3 dates, after that he abruptly ended things. I say abruptly because on the weekend he invited me to his place for the next weekend then on Thursday called to cancel and said he doesn't think we are a match. I pressed a little bit because I wanted to know if I could learn anything, grow, etc. He said he felt I get too frustrated with people. He was face timing me every day of the week, so I would tell him about my day, including frustrating situations at work or in life etc.

I do think it has been a stressful time at work, but I don't think my frustration was all I had to talk about maybe like 30% of the conversations we had that week? Maybe less?

When you are first getting to know someone and they want to call you every day, do you answer?

I don't want this guy back. I wasn't that attracted to him, but I was trying to be open. not sure he is really HVM but he is young so I think he could become one.

I just want to know about your thoughts on how to come across to men, like should I talk to them like I would a friend, or play it more cool like don't talk as much just keep it light and 100% positive

careeradvicex · 2020-09-11T03:28:54+00:00

For months I was always sad about being single. Always self doubting and my self esteem was in the dump for these LVM not wanting to commit. But for the first time in my life I am actually embracing being single. I do not need any man to depend on my self worth nor happiness.

Freedom = luxury

I have the power

PrncssGmdrp · 2020-09-11T02:56:32+00:00

Level up check in!!!

started my new dream job and absolutely crushed it. Execs called me a genius today when I reclaimed credit for my work (male coworker tried to take credit and failed 🙄) and made a game changing discover and change that will impact every aspect of the business 💁🏼‍♀️
Successfully IDed an early stage love bomber and blocked his ass. Trusted my gut!
got ghosted and had no reaction because I appropriately detached myself. That ghosting a year ago would have devastated me. This time I feel bolstered.
100% prioritized myself and my goals tonight; did my yoga and chores early before “relaxing”
filled my social calendar up with my mom, sister and girl friends. Busy with my ladies yaaas.
Bought MYSELF my first designer bag 💃🏻 as a celebration for almost doubling my salary, haaay!
organized my entire closet, including individual clear shoe boxes. It makes me so happy to get up and get dressed.

Feeling super proud of myself. I’ve been leaning on my support system and the FDS chat and have had a great week. I’m going to write a workout routine and get back to lifting as my goal for next week!

whenthecagedbirdsing · 2020-09-11T02:25:48+00:00

I think I may have met my twin flame. He’s a HVM. Very respectful of my boundaries and is taking things very slow with me.

throwaway23004345 · 2020-09-11T02:17:08+00:00

I’m too much of a homebody to find a HVM 😂

ga_shina · 2020-09-11T02:00:16+00:00

Ugh I’m attracted to a guy at work. Obviously not gonna act on it but for ffs.

WonkySwampMonk · 2020-09-11T01:48:08+00:00

I miss the sex part of my prior relationship but don’t want a FWB. Halp :/

Title	Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered September 10 2020
Author	NecessaryCook
Upvotes	55
Comments	331
Date	September 11, 2020 1:20 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/iqgtdi/weekly_fds_chat_checkin_quick_questions_answered/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/weekly-fds-chat-check-in-quick-questions-answered.214711 https://theredarchive.com/post/214711

Comments

kickhimout2020 here💁🏽‍♀️