Weekly FDS Chat / Check-in

HeavyMetalLobster · 2021-04-05T14:59:02+00:00

A guy tried to get my attention from across a bar by eyeing me up and down. Inspecting me. We locked eyes and he had a weird intrusive look about him. So I made a weird face and started doing jazz hands and he looked away all red faced

I have increased skill in the art of Weirdflection.

monch-bred · 2021-04-05T15:35:55+00:00

I was wondering if it would be possible to discourage “clapback screenshot” posts? I see them consistently and not only are they not fds, I also often see newer members defending and encouraging it in the comments, while members who point out it’s not fds are responded to rudely and initially downvoted.

I just don’t think clapback posts show anything helpful and in fact they encourage spending time and energy on guys when we could be moving on.

quarterlyavocado · 2021-04-05T22:59:09+00:00

Is there anyone with professional qualifications who can make a “How to Leave” guide? I’ve seen an influx of comments on various posts saying that the user realizes that leaving is their best option but they haven’t yet made their plan, or don’t even know where to start. I think our sub could use a comprehensive resource for forming an escape plan, but am not qualified to make such a post myself

Gambit12345 · 2021-04-05T14:51:51+00:00

This is the first time since I started dating in my late teens that I’ve been single and had no desire for sex. Back then I always kept at least one ex close by in case I wanted to hook up. I went off the pill after I broke up with my ex but my libido died even before that. Its been 5 months and shows no sign of returning. I wonder if its a combination of residual pill effects suppressing sex drive and the extent to which my ex turned me off. Nevertheless it makes being single easier when you don’t desire dick. I do desire attention though, I want to go out and socialize so badly!! Like get dolled up, go to a concert or party, anything to schmooze with people and make friends.

aquietsword · 2021-04-05T23:04:01+00:00

If you've cut off sexist male relatives or friends from your life and at some point you decide to mention this to the person you are dating, pay attention to how they respond. If they immediately jump to trying to find holes in your reasoning, needing to be convinced that you weren't overreacting, dodge that bullet.

HlGHFIVE · 2021-04-07T04:36:21+00:00

I am a pick me. I thought I was recovered but I'm still a pick me. I'll admit it. But I'm here instead of somewhere I shouldn't be. I'm not giving up on myself.

AineofTheWoods · 2021-04-05T18:43:08+00:00

I started reading the handbook and the section that mentioned how players always have that grin is so true. This is something I noticed myself, after encountering a lot of these idiot players and noticing that they often have a disconcerting grin. The most recent example is a guy I know who lives nearby, who I met randomly last year. We instantly got on as we shared several hobbies, and I thought he seemed like a sweet guy at first. He kept suggesting we do these hobby related activities together, and at first I resisted, then agreed because he seemed nice, but then I had these nightmares and one was specifically about that grin! When we first met he flashed me this glinty-eyed grin and I realised it troubled me because my psychopathic ex had had that exact same look. Anyway, I got bad vibes from the new guy, he was very full on and charming, messaging a lot and overwhelming me, and eventually sort of called him out, at which point he said I'd got the wrong idea and he wasn't interested in me attempting to humiliate me. It was not a good experience but I was glad that this time I recognised the signs much earlier on. I've noticed that if my conscious mind is struggling to pick up red flags, then my subconscious will often alert me through nightmares, dreams and other signs and I've learnt to listen to them.

numbers213 · 2021-04-05T17:46:49+00:00

Finally got my ghost of a boss onto a call to tell him I'm putting in my 2 week and had to nerve to get mad and annoyed like he wasn't underpaying me. Then tried to argue about my vacation time.

apple_cores · 2021-04-05T20:38:31+00:00

I’m taking a break from dating for at least 3 months, possibly longer. I’ve started therapy and ended things with the last man I was dating (see my previous comments). I made a list of all the pros and cons with him and the cons outweighed the pros by so much 😖

A couple glaring red flags I chose to ignore :

I wasn’t his usual type in terms of ethnicity, height, body type. I should have ended it at this one since it’s been my expeience that men who stray out of their usual types are just “sampling.”
“I’m not like those other guys”
Asked me several times if I was talking to other men or dating anyone else, while claiming it was “too soon” to be exclusive lol.
Tone and response time changed after sex
before sex we were moving quickly and I tried to slow things down and he said no, he loves the energy. After sex, “we’re moving too fast. I don’t wanna go too fast. It’s too soon.”
active on social media but taking hours to open my message or reply
love bombed me and future faked me. When I called him out on it, he tried saying it was all “a joke” and tried making me feel crazy for bringing it up. I never felt crazy or acted that way.
assigned me points. Once I reached 100 points, he would “have to commit.” Of course, this was a “joke” too.
used the term “talking” instead of dating.

There are more, but those are the ones that come to mind. A part of me can’t help but think that things could have been different if we hasn’t had sex as soon as we did (2 months into dating), but at least I saw his true colors sooner rather than later. I met his mom too and he told his friends about me. Now he’s probably painting me out to be the crazy one to them. Nothing I can do to change that. Everything I did with him and said to him was genuine. Clearly it was not the same for him.

undertheunderbelly · 2021-04-05T15:24:00+00:00

I have a date with an awesome sounding chick on Wednesday. She's a top, and butch, and oh my goooosh I am so excited. We had a little bit of a conversation and I actually got turned on. That literally never happens with men.

So I guess I'm officially lesbian, y'all. What a fucking relief.

Charlotte_Cinnabar · 2021-04-05T18:13:00+00:00

[deleted]

cellard00r18 · 2021-04-06T01:53:51+00:00

Guys it took me a second, it really did. But I’ve suddenly made it to a place of more indifference with men. I’m not obsessing, I’m not wanting them soo bad cause they’re attractive. I’m even at a point where I’m more hesitant as to if I want a relationship. Is there a dude out there I want to deal with right now ? This is very weird to think cause it’s the polar opposite of before where I craved finding my soulmate. I think it took some time of seeing their true colors over and over. FDS has helped me notice red flags and realize I was doing things I didn’t want to please a LVM/NVM. I’m the whole package I literally don’t know which man would be a fit for me but I will wait for it and not accept some bummmm

worriedrenterTW · 2021-04-05T15:56:12+00:00

Testing, have I been flailed and allowed to comment?

Also, i've started the podcast and it's great so far!

night_glitter · 2021-04-06T05:01:34+00:00

Decided to get on OLD just to peep who was on there. (Divorced last fall, got my second shot last week.) I haven’t dated since dating apps were a thing. Most guys are boring, similar profiles. Also, most guys my age look older and/or are overweight. I’m 40, and it’s weird that guys 5-10 years younger are matching with me.

A couple of funnies - stumbled on an ex from like, 13 years ago. The hilarious part is that I recognized one pic on his profile, which means he is using a 13 year old pic! I relayed that to a guy I had been chatting with for a couple of days, and he replied that what was the big deal? Ha, he did look too young for his age in some of his pics - clearly I struck a nerve. I unmatched after that of course.

I have my first restaurant date booked in over a year! It’s with a gal pal who is also vaxxed, not dating just yet. ;)

FeelLikeRollinDice · 2021-04-06T14:28:42+00:00

My mom said something really insightful recently.

I was talking to her about several friends who are in years long relationships, like 5+ years. I said they are wasting their time, but that I could be wrong and they eventually they marry these long-term boyfriends.

She said even if they marry the guys, it is still a waste of time because they could have had children, grown together financially, bought a house together, etc...basically spent the majority of that reaping the benefits of marriage instead of just being a girlfriend.

I had not realized that any way you slice it these multi-year long relationships are time wasters.

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-04-06T15:16:16+00:00

So a couple of years ago I worked in a job that required me to look through financial statements (credit cards, checking accounts) for many, many people. I remember seeing OnlyFans A LOT. And I didn't know what it was! When I looked just at the OF website, I saw it was premium content but didn't think much else of it. Porn did not cross my mind. I obviously know what it is now, but I really wish I knew it then because I would've loved to see how many were guys and how many were married, etc.

eclo · 2021-04-06T20:15:14+00:00

The ‘just got out of a long term relationship not looking for anything serious’ is such a red flag isn’t it? What do men expect, a therapist and sex? Actually yes that’s exactly what they expect.

Valeria_Venn · 2021-04-07T05:42:18+00:00

I broke up with a guy I was dating because he wanted me to split the cost of gas (he was driving over to me). Gas was $8. $8. I'm still sad about it though.

hicatee · 2021-04-05T14:53:52+00:00

How do people feel about keeping seperate bedrooms when living together? My partner (a generally HVM) and I are looking for a new place and he brought up the idea of finding a 2BR so we could each have our own bedroom/office.

I understand where he's coming from, we have very different sleeping habits. I tend to get to bed early, he will sometimes work until the early morning, and knows sometimes when he does go to bed it disrupts my sleep. He also has some breathing problems, and while he doesn't snore much, does cause him to roll around alot/have fairly active sleep, which can also disrupt me. He has seen multiple drs and tried many solutions with no luck so far.

My inclination is that it might be good for both of us, but I wanted to see what FDS had to say, because I could also see it being interpreted as avoidant/secretive behavior

Mella_20 · 2021-04-06T20:35:09+00:00

I appreciate the mods who make so much effort to make this an women-only space, but its so annoying to deal with scrotes who try to message you cause they were offended by something you said.

Idk what they expect me to say when they pm me or comment on one of my other posts. "You're right"? "I changed my mind"?

They just prove my point that men can't help but harass women. Idk if its because of my age, but it makes me feel so anxious. Like dont talk to me. I don't know you.

_insert_username_01 · 2021-04-06T16:30:01+00:00

Last night, I submitted my application for on-campus summer housing. I have two interviews this week for part-time on-campus jobs and also applied for a full-time on-campus job. My parents do not want me to move out during the summer but after last night, after my mother threatened to call the police on my father for physically and verbally abusing me, I. WILL. MOVE. OUT.

fairywakes · 2021-04-07T02:31:48+00:00

I just want to say - the greatest strategy/lesson I recently learned was to absolutely not write clapbacks for funsies and post them here. I recently wrote a post about a “status report” of NVM from OLD but I would say that’s different - I just blocked them all.

After hearing that writing paragraphs and clapbacks literally teaches men how to be more manipulative with the next woman, I have to fucking pass for my poor sisters that will come into contact with him next. Blocking and removing LVM is the only way that shows/teaches inappropriate behavior is met with a removal of my presence. Not more of my attention, even if negative. The sick fucks actually like that shit. You will thank yourself later for not wasting the energy.

Objective_Scale6268 · 2021-04-07T12:10:48+00:00

First post in this sub, I've been lurking for a bit. Just wanted to say I LOVE this sub. I am married to a HVM but I still like to read the posts to expand my knowledge on feminism and learn new info. Also, I pass on some of the advice to my single friends. Anyways carry on ☺️

kingcasperrr · 2021-04-07T01:55:00+00:00

Rant incoming! I didn't feel like this deserved a thread but I HAD to get it out.

So I came to more realisations about how LV my ex is.

I've been trying to get my spare keys back from him all week. We broke up 2 months ago, and I need my keys to give to my friend who is cat sitting for me as I am going away tomorrow for my first holiday in FOREVER. We have made plans and he's rescheduled me 3 times now. "Oh something came up can I drop them off at 6 tonight?" "Oh shoot, I forgot I had plans can you pick them up from me at 1pm tomorrow?" "Oh plans changed can you get them at..."

NO. FUCKING NO. I've literally been bending over backwards trying to get MY KEYS back from this man who never, even when dating, made me a priority. For 2 years he constantly moved our plans, rescheduled, put literally everything else ahead of me! It'll take two minutes of his goddamn time but he can't spare it to return MY PROPERTY? I'm done.

I've told him I will be at his place at 1:30 today and I will get my keys. And my copy of FF15 that I lent to him. I said point blank I need them today, as tomorrow I will be too busy you know... PACKING AND LEAVING for my holiday?!

And his response to my 'I will be there I need them today' - 'yeah god ok. i'll be home.'

Like I'm being the asshole here.

God so glad I ended it. I deserve so much better than this shit.

Spraytyasha · 2021-04-07T16:30:29+00:00

I've been listening to The Man by Taylor Swift on loop the last two days and gosh- I want to plaster the lyrics all over my Instagram. We fight so hard every day just to be on the same level, just to be treated humanely at our jobs. And one day, if you are too tired or not in the mood to fight, all the hard work crumbles. All they remember is that one time you showed weakness. How much longer do we have to put up a hundred walls, be extra careful, carry multiple supplies, keep our eyes and ears open at all times? Days like these, I want to hide in a room and not interact with men ever again. But that's what they want us to do- can't give up yet. Just wish it gets easier for the next generations.

aquietsword · 2021-04-08T00:23:18+00:00

I'm continuously blown away by how entitled men seem to be. How they push propaganda about men being "better." How victimized they want to paint themselves. How a combination of those things are meant to hold onto the power they have within the patriarchy.

I was scrolling through the goodreads recommendations for mystery/thriller books and read through some of the comments below. Someone claimed that the abundance of female authors recommended was "toxic femininity." It didn't even occur to me to look at the authors in order to find something to manplain (distant relative of mansplain) about. But you know what? I've always thought that women were better writers. And I still do. It's just a preference I guess, but having empathy as a writer helps, ya know? If we all had someone doing the cooking, cleaning, and child rearing so we could do nothing but create for extensive periods of time there wouldn't even be a competition.

So if you're looking for something to do this weekend, read a book. Find a well-loved female author in your favorite genre. Review it and promote it. We all know why men were given the spotlight throughout history. We know they've never deserved it.

Mcccy · 2021-04-05T15:55:48+00:00

Ladies how tf can I help my cousin who's slowly becoming an incel??

He's 13 and the other day I drove him home from school and said "I always thought you were mean cause you're a pretty female" I told him how female is dehumanising and it's bad to assume someone's behaviour cause of how they look like.

He then said it's cause all the pretty girls at his class are 'b#tches' (he used another word but that's the closest one in English) I asked him why would he say that, he said it's that no one wants to date him cause he's fat (he's 13 for hell's sake all 13 year olds have baby fat).

I tried to tell him how he's not fat and 13 is still too young to date and how girls think differently and care more about making friends at that age and not dating. He insisted that If he was thinner he'd have a gf. I tried to tell him a gf won't change his life that much, but I only had few minutes till his house so I couldn't talk to him more.

A little background: His brother is a LVM (think Charlie from Two and the half men without the money just good looks) and his mom and dad don't spend time with him at all. His brother is his main socialisation and I'm scared he'll end up like him.

westhead · 2021-04-06T03:06:44+00:00

Is anyone else hyper attuned to spotting fake posts, especially after leveling up? There's a locked post on one of the relationship subreddits that is essentially "dad walked in on his daughter cheating on her boyfriend and doesn't know what to do". It's got over 1700 upvotes and of course people are falling over themselves to villify the fake daughter and mother in this fairytale.

The general gist is the dad comes home unexpectedly and catches his 23 year old daughter in the act with her coworker. The daughter pleads with her dad to not tell her boyfriend because she'll never find such a good guy again. The OPs wife agrees with the daughter, because the boyfriend is wealthy and she doesnt want him to leave the family. Yes, op made sure to bring up the boyfriend is rich. Naturally OP says "I hate cheaters so I want to tell him, even tho my daughter and wife don't want me to. Should I?"

Cue HUNDREDS of posts supporting dad, as well as many saying his wife is just as bad as the daughter. Maybe 4 comments said it sounds fake.

I don't support cheating in any way. I'm not bothered by redditors denouncing a cheater. I'm bothered by how easily scrote fanfiction whips reddittors into a frenzy. They buy these obviously fake charicatures of women hook like and sinker. They get a justice boner, and it perpetuates their belief that women are scheming, self-serving gold diggers.

End rant

intergalacticanon44 · 2021-04-06T20:38:49+00:00

Anyone use Linkedin? How come no one told me it notifies people when you stalk their page even when you’re logged out😭😫

Suspicious-Leg-1407 · 2021-04-07T00:42:11+00:00

Interesting to see Terry Crews admit being a porn addict, admit it made him cheat, admit he needed help for it, and then actually get help.

This was on this week's episode of Bear Ghyrlls show.

Maude2010 · 2021-04-07T17:42:39+00:00

I’m doing group therapy (online) for the first time. Twelve women, three men. Two of the men got kicked out in the first session for refusing to turn off their background noise while they weren’t on mute. Probably porn or video games. Losers.

Blackbeakvesta · 2021-04-05T19:34:36+00:00

Newbie here! I reactivated my dating profile although it seems like nearly every guy is writing that they want someone to adopt a puppy with. So is that essentially my only value? Just feels like they are already putting a pet first.

Besides you would have to be dating long a while before even moving in and getting pets.

Can totally understand if someone already has animals and needs someone compatible.

Partypuppers · 2021-04-07T10:56:10+00:00

Ever since discovering FDS I've sadly realised that my dad is LVM and cannot for the life of him make decisions or plans and see them through.

Example 1: We have a broken tap. He said he would come round and fix it. I was waiting for him to do so.

The next time I saw him he said "why haven't you had the tap fixed yet? It's been broken for so long!" Err I was waiting for you to do it? 🙄🙄🙄

Example 2: He suggested that one of these days we go horse riding. I said that was a great idea thinking he had a place in mind. Nope, he said, "Ok where and when are we going?" Again, he wanted me to plan something.

Example 3: I was having a really tough time with lockdown and he came round to take me out and drive me in the car. I was mentally really low so I was grateful he was coming round for a rescue mission, thinking he had a plan in mind.

We got into the car and he turned around and asked, "So where are we going, what are we doing?"

Jesus effin Christ dad how about you come up with a plan and don't make me do the emotional labour of planning everything for you!

These are small examples but demonstrate a consistent pattern of him being unable to take full responsibility and execute anything. He may be well meaning but he always has to be managed and told what to do. It's frustrating and makes me very sad as I love him and don't want to hold resentment towards him.

Aggressive_Birthday4 · 2021-04-08T03:27:46+00:00

Some scrote responded to a comment I made about how I’d rather continue living alone than split rent 50/50 with a partner. I said that it would seem like they would only be living with me because they can’t afford their own place. He said that I just shouldn’t date men then.

Like is he saying that all men can’t afford their own place?? Lmfao they say #notallmen but they also say it is all men when it comes to LVM behaviour. They truly want women to settle for less

2021-04-06T17:54:08+00:00

[deleted]

cici_sweetheart · 2021-04-08T04:47:49+00:00

I just want to say Fake Feminist men are frustrating. That’s it that’s the message I had to stop myself from becoming a keyboard gangster

Subject_Ticket · 2021-04-09T23:28:42+00:00

Just wanted to express my hatred for couples who say: "we're pregnant" and people who defend it.

Determinedblonde · 2021-04-05T15:53:13+00:00

Anyone from the UK feeling relieved that we’re getting our freedom back? What are you all looking forward to doing most?

virgoran · 2021-04-08T22:31:15+00:00

Since I've put in my online dating profiles "No Hookups/FWB" my matches have gone down exponentially. However, the quality of matches I'm getting is steadily improving. Still a tonne of vetting and most suck, but at least time wasters are slowly removing themselves.

startrekmind · 2021-04-09T13:41:37+00:00

I'm implementing a “no reservation, no date” policy. I was supposed to be a first date tonight but in the 3+ days we chatted about setting it up, he didn't make any reservations.

It was only after prompting on the morning of, that he decided on a bar. Then as I was on my way, he tells me that bar is closed. He then asked if I'd come to a different bar a bit further up the way (this was 5 mins past the time we agreed upon). 25 mins later, I made it but he was still on his way.

I was hungry so I decided to go somewhere around the corner that has food. He told me to do what I want. At no point did he offer to come to the restaurant even though I told him where I had gone. By the time I finished eating, I was completely over meeting him even though he finally reached the place.

So I told him I don't feel like coming because this was all very unimpressive to me. He told me to just come and have a chat, after all, he really wanted to meet me. So I told him that “just a chat” was not going to improve things. After some back and forth (yes yes I know I should've just blocked and deleted), it ended with him calling me a “piece of sht” and a “total f*king scumbag”.

What I've learnt is that a clown will talk about how he “came all this way for you”, and completely forget that you made a journey to meet him at the agreed upon venue too (and in my case, paid more for transport). That same clown might also try to guilt you by reminding you he had his 2nd shot this week and isn't feeling too good... despite the fact that he was the one who set the date. LOL.

Ladies, when my platonic guy and girl friends and I go out, we make reservations ahead of time. We even give each other a few options to choose from. So when it comes to guys who want more from you... hold them to no less of a standard.

_RustInPiece_ · 2021-04-06T00:28:27+00:00

When we met both of us watched porn and talked openly about it. I eventually quit shortly after finding FDS. After reading the post about not having to tolerate porn in your relationship I asked him, if he still watches porn. He answered that he does so but only rarely, because most porn simply disgusts him. He said, he was thinking about quitting it for good, starting by deleting his reddit porn account. That he is curious to see how it affects his sexuality. I wrote, that I quit and that it had a positive impact. Half a minute later he replied to me: "So. Porn account gone :)" I take it as a good sign? I didn't order him to do so or anything. He did it on his own.

Edit: Grammar

_queeeen_ · 2021-04-05T15:35:18+00:00

Today I’m ruminating on how one of my LV exes tried to convince me (gaslight) into thinking I had “huge boobs.” I wear a C cup. It left me thinking “are they huge?” because I was still in a delusional mindset of taking men at face value. But I knew he was wrong. They’re squarely small-to-medium.

fleuretpomme · 2021-04-06T23:32:14+00:00

In a moment of weakness, I reactivated OLD. Matched with a guy whose profile had substance to it. We had overlap in movies/music/etc taste and he didn't get sexual in messages. It was a nice few dates outside of asking if I wanted to come over on a work night at the end of date 2 (I chalked it up to inexperience). Took turns initiating dates. Date 4, he suggests dinner. I get ready wearing one of my nice dresses and do my hair.. I order water and a <$15 entree. Have a great convo. Waitress brings 1 check and he asks her to split immediately. It was aaaaawkward. She runs back to split and we sit waiting for a bit. It was NOT okay to waste my time sitting there waiting for the split without being upfront that it was his expectation. His saving $14 was more important than my time. He's now asking if I want to come over for the next date and I'm just completely turned off. I feel like he's expecting sex with the most miniscule of effort. Pre-FDS, I would have overlooked it. Now FDS shows me that sex is goal, not a real relationship. Guys are willing to invest in people that have relationship potential. His unwillingness to spend a dime shows his intentions.

I thought I might set the apps to show me only women before. Now I'm sure of it.

Blackrose_ · 2021-04-06T22:31:02+00:00

I just blocked a lurking scrote.

Apparently he relates to my home town and architecture. Then added wanna go out to dinner and have fun? Then the tell me about yourself closer.

I swear my chat function in Reddit is for unfiltered scrotes that think that they are god's gift to women. I'm like ok, sure you can talk to me here, here's a chance for you to be polite and offer up information about yourself. If you like architecture sure- do you want to talk about how a minimalist architecture works for you, or what other movement is better? Because ta dah, I actually do hold a degree in Arts and can talk to you about that. But no - it's like dInNeR and "Fun" time. Fuck you scrote you useless baseless moron bullshit.

Block, block, hard no.

girlanarchy · 2021-04-07T21:23:12+00:00

I’m sort of at a fork in the road in my life. Got fired from my job recently, with no warning and despite having an excellent history with them re: my reviews and record moving up quickly. I’m almost certain I wasn’t liked by some men who were friends with our executives, so maybe that was it, but anyway... it let me re-evaluate myself professionally. Ultimately the company didn’t treat me well, even if I succeeded professionally there, and worked me to the bone.

The industry I was in was male dominated and revolved around sports and gambling and tech. I never wanted to stay in it, but being in the US and involved since the moment the industry gained what it needed legally to explode, I have “a lot” of experience relative to the overall pool of job seekers. This has led to me dealing with headhunters and recruiters, and one of those opportunities actually seems almost too good to be true. The company is global and way more diverse than any others in the space, and I’d make a 6 figure salary. Always a dream of mine to make that sort of salary, particularly because I came up from nothing. (Only person in my family to even earn a high school diploma...)

But I don’t want to move back east (which would be required) and an industry that revolves around enticing a vice and specifically grooming individual people, even if they are dumb sports bros, into dumping money they often can’t truly spare onto our platform - I find that to conflict with my personal ethics/morals. The other opportunities I have outside of this industry are exciting and will allow me to have a better work/life balance, provided I do get offers, but they pay half the salary. With them, I’m taking a step back professionally with the hope I can move forward eventually in a new industry. But there’s so much grey and chaos in the industry I’m familiar with, which quite frankly I love and keeps me engaged with my job.

This is a good problem to have, I know, and one I didn’t ever anticipate having, but I sort of wish there wasn’t the moral component to consider. And I’d wait on an offer before getting in my head about the whole thing, but I’m reasonably certain one of the “step back” opportunities is extending me an offer tomorrow.

Also I can’t help but smile to myself when I realize all of my success came after leaving my marriage and my subsequent awful LTR that followed soon after. I went from making $12-$15/hr as a college grad for several years to this (potential) choice in only 5 years. Sort of made being fired not stink so much, since I’ve gotten to see how I’m valued professionally after gaining experience and toughing out an employer that paid me less than men in similar roles, all because I started from the “bottom.” Idk, I hate fork in the road choices but love all the progress this current one reflects/represents.

afrodeasyak · 2021-04-08T19:24:42+00:00

Moved to my new home recently and in my decor plan is to frame a painting I'll make and put it right in the middle of my feature wall in my bedroom with "if they wanted to, they would" written on it.

So whenever I am in doubt, I get the instant reminder...and this is for men and friends alike.

HlGHFIVE · 2021-04-08T21:46:32+00:00

I'm reading Why Men Love Bitches and some parts of it just make me wish I wasn't attracted to men at all.

But other parts remind me of why I am attracted to men at the same time.

It is such a good read.... also... this book is literally like magic. It already has given me so much more confidence in my interactions with men.

eclo · 2021-04-10T13:40:42+00:00

I just blocked & unmatched a guy who suggested a low effort coffee walk date. Still having the ‘but what if I’m being too mean I should give him a chance’ feels. But no, staying strong, must stay strong!

Fluffy-Nectarine-567 · 2021-04-05T21:25:01+00:00

Has anyone else noticed how some younger women will low-key age shame, concern troll and also act feminist when it’s convenient? It’s toxic how women feel the need to put other women down to make themselves look better.

queenagave · 2021-04-05T20:42:19+00:00

What's FDS thoughts on being in a ltr before knowing your standards/expectations and then growing, gaining confidence, and realizing them. If your partner doesn't meet them as you've realized them, however, you never expressed those and after expressing them they are trying to meet to them. That's good, right? Or?

level_up_always · 2021-04-08T21:30:13+00:00

[removed]

gothoneybones · 2021-04-09T14:02:42+00:00

I have recently been dealing with the most evil person I have ever come across in my life. I can't go into too much detail because of the context, but suffice to say me and two other women had red flags going up immediately, (mansplaining, just an absolute idiot who believed his unrelated qualifications made him an expert on everything, repeatedly ignoring women, etc), but in spite of that, when it was discovered just...HOW evil he was, it was still shocking. I mean like...if I shared ONE action of how terrible this man was, it would be doxxing.

It took months for the situation to be resolved. I stood my ground that our intuition had been right about him, started a paper trail, but now today is the last day I will be dealing with him.

When he first came along and we voiced our concerns about the things that, in retrospect, were absolutely awful but not hard evidence, the general attitude was "give him a chance, he hasn't been around long enough yet..." lmao. Never ignore the red flags, in any context.

Peak_Tree · 2021-04-09T17:32:43+00:00

Counting down the numbers for the 150K mark!!!! I think we'll achieve it today.

PokePrincess95 · 2021-04-10T22:41:54+00:00

Ugh give me strength ladies. Had to report 3 guys that stalked my profile

Charlotte_Cinnabar · 2021-04-05T16:08:45+00:00

[deleted]

throwawaychick8357 · 2021-04-05T16:20:32+00:00

Hi I was wondering if anyone had tips about being hit on? Since I've been in a relationship most of my adult life, I've never really been hit on (since my bf is usually with me when I'm out). Yesterday when I was out and about a dude asked for my number and basically told me he had been checking me out and thought I looked cute. I didn't feel comfortable giving my number to a practical stranger so I said no. But at the same time, I wondered if I should give him a chance because obviously I'm not going to see him ever again. I saw some tips on the sub to give a Google Voice number, but opinions also seem quite mixed on whether it's better for the guy to ask for your number or give you his number... thoughts?

Also, I look a lot younger than I actually am and I was really tempted to ask how old this guy was, because he seemed like he might be a lot younger than me (unless he looked youthful as well). Would asking that in public be rude...?

PokePrincess95 · 2021-04-07T21:10:26+00:00

A meninist subreddit screenshot one of my posts on here and are making fun of it. It’s funny to watch the incels get angry

ga_shina · 2021-04-06T13:55:02+00:00

Looking for an honest opinion... I’m currently using Tinder to try and make female friends (Bumble isn’t widely used in my area for that reason). I don’t have many friends currently and I am lonely. Just wondering if it would be best to just accept the fact that I’m lonely and work on myself.

Subject_Ticket · 2021-04-07T02:43:55+00:00

If I want to post a screenshot from Tumblr/ Twitter that aligns with FDS and I'm praising what the person is saying. Do I still needs to black out the username?

HlGHFIVE · 2021-04-06T00:02:21+00:00

Is anyone else struggling with feelings of hopeful romance but unable to find anyone because of their high standards? I just want to be hugged so much.

Jinxhourglass · 2021-04-05T20:06:10+00:00

Anyone got advice for buying someone out of their portion of a house? I know it technically varies state to state but isn’t it possible to refinance a house anywhere in the US to buy someone out of their portion as long as you have good credit and a solid job?

licoricespicedtea · 2021-04-06T05:12:43+00:00

Potentially stupid question, but how do you block and delete? Doesn’t a contact need to be not deleted from your phone in order to block it?

pretty_kill · 2021-04-06T17:55:27+00:00

This is so minor in the grand scheme of my life, yet it was consuming so much of my mental space for no damn reason.

So I went through and cleaned out all my online gaming friends to only people I remembered having positive interactions with or actually know irl. I deleted all the ones that had given me weird vibes / red flags (that my pre-fds self didn't really see clearly), any that were rude to me, and people I just won't ever speak with again. I had gotten into this habit of accepting friend requests with everyone I came into contact with, so my lists were filled with people I played with once, or guys who added me just because I was a girl that they wanted to creep on.

I also had a couple LVM who had wasted my time on over the years, who had gone no contact, so I blocked them as well, and any mutual friends I had met exclusively through them (who didn't talk to me otherwise). Just seeing them and everyone else gone, even though I have less "friends" is like a huge relief.

Pre-FDS I used to be open to meeting someone online through gaming. I had a couple guys who I developed "situationships" with over the years. My mindset has completely changed, and I only ever want to date locally irl now. Those random gaming guys are not going to give me what I need in life. Only I can do that. And if I find a man or woman (irl) along the way who adds value on top of that, then great!

It just feels really cleansed overall. I had been needing to do it for weeks. I have a habit of "observing" people online. I just watch what they're doing and check my lists regularly (like a couple times a day). Now that my friendlist went from 70ish to like 20ish of people I actually would interact with, its like a huge relief. It also feels like easier to chat up one of them because they're all people I actually have made connections with or played with regularly.

So yeah, that's my update for this week. Like I said, it is something that should have been so minor, but it still was taking up my mental space. I feel cleansed!

okokokokthrowaaayyy · 2021-04-06T23:05:12+00:00

My best (male) friend is an ex-talking stage of mine from my pickme days and after discovering this sub, I now see he was definitely a LVM. But he recently has gone completely no-fap, no porn, unfollowed all insta models, deleted all dating apps, and has had a COMPLETE change of attitude. He’s had a lot of trauma in his life and is now finally deciding to get therapy. I’m pretty amazed honestly. I have no desire to date him still, but I am honestly proud of him. He is the last person I expected to have a shift in character like that - just proves it’s possible for any man and there is no excuse.

Frizzycatt · 2021-04-07T10:39:51+00:00

Hi I was wondering how I can get my title changed? This isn't a throwaway account for me and I'm frequently commenting on posts. It's minor but it'd be cool to get something different! Thank you.

intergalacticanon44 · 2021-04-09T19:57:06+00:00

I’m so annoyed, my new manager has been posting the work rota last minute since he started two weeks ago and now he won’t answer my messages telling me I can’t work 30 hours when I’m only contracted for 20. And for those of you who saw my post on AskFDS, he STILL calls me but today I said my phone speaker doesn’t work. The work app thing I haven’t asked him yet because it wasn’t yet feasible, it is now and I will ask next week. sighhhh

Forgot to add that he’s scheduled me on the same days as him, another fucking thing I have to be weary of

mimiandthekeyboard · 2021-04-10T03:17:52+00:00

I think part of what upsets me about how I let men treat me pre-FDS is that now they think it's okay to treat other women like that. I could've broken that cycle. I already posted this on a past thread, but I get so upset when I think about this date I went on. He took me to a mini golf place which ended up being for CHILDREN, we still did the course anyway, and then he asked if I wanted coffee in his car afterwards. I should've said no, but for whatever reason I didn't. I cut it off a couple of days after but now because I wasn't strong in my boundaries he's going to think that future women are going to settle for minigolf and cheap coffee. I just hope
a stronger woman can break the cycle and set him straight.

FabledAngryVillager · 2021-04-10T07:42:50+00:00

My Lyft driver tonight is a guy I "ghosted" 😬😬😬

He doesn't seem to recognize me thankfully, would've been awkward

Sister_cat · 2021-04-10T15:04:23+00:00

How normal are doubts in a relationship? I am with my boyfriend of 1,5 years and sometimes I get a bad feeling or remember something he did I didn’t like, but let it slide (before I found FDS). Usually everything is okay, but should I even be in a relationship where I am not sure? This is my first bf btw, hence I have no experience at all

FabledAngryVillager · 2021-04-11T19:56:49+00:00

*rant*

A while back, overhead a conversation between a doctor and her patient. She described a lot of symptoms that made me think, "oh, PCOS or diabetes. Insulin resistance maybe?"

The doctor was like "a blood test won't prove anything" or "change your diet."

The patient said she worked out a lot and was eating well. Was still having problems with her weight. No one wanted to believe her. I was mad for her.

Eventually she gets it checked to see if she has a tumor. One week later, doctor tells her the results that nope, not a tumor.

Another week or two later, I overhear her tell the patient, "well, it looks like you have PCOS."

I'm still mad thinking about that. No one wanted to believe her and the patient was so frustrated and anxious.

You don't want to be a WebMD nutjob. But sometimes you have to be your own advocate.

(The doctor was a woman and she's an asshole tbh.)

ga_shina · 2021-04-10T15:11:11+00:00

Met this guy. Good personally, but he’s skinny fat. I could literally see his man boobs through his shirt. Shame.

Cessacolypse · 2021-04-10T18:50:02+00:00

Does anyone know of any meeting apps just for girls that you can develop platonic friendships with? Like a tinder for nonromantic relationships with only women? I have two best friends but I haven’t been able to see them since covid and I’ve been inside for a while. Or are those apps filled with fake people (like men pretending to be women, etc)? I don’t want to meet up with anyone but it would be nice to have a pen pal or something. Sorry if this isn’t allowed here

waddamelone · 2021-04-11T23:19:31+00:00

I went back to the dumpster fire called OLD. My friend wanted us to swipe together since the passport function is free this whole month.

I must say that I’m not dissapointed at the non-existent quality called “men” who are on there. I tried swiping for an hour and I was embarrazzed the whole time. Who actually raised these people? The streets? Even animals have more decency.

The saddest thing I came across was this guy who seemed alright at first. He could see that our locations were really close. Then he proceeded to tell me where he lives (which is actually my neighborhood but I told him I live in another neighborhood closeby for my safety). Something told me to look this guy up on facebook. (ALWAYS trust your intuition. It never fails you. NEVER). Only took about 4 minutes to find him. What do I see?

“Mr X is in a RELATIONSHIP with Ms Y” in big ass, bold ass letters. So I asked him what his girlfriend thought about him being on datingapps. He tried to play it off. I then asked him if I should tell her or if he would. He magically deleted his account within 1 second.

I still have the screenshots. Should I send them to her with a fake account? I feel bad for her. But I want to protect myself as well, since I used actual photos of the real me (with a fake name and as little info about me as possible). Chances are that I’ll run into him at the store or something. Eventhough I’ve never seen this guy in the neighborhood in all my years living here.

Dillemas, dillemas.

Hitflyover · 2021-04-10T23:30:29+00:00

[removed]

Title	Weekly FDS Chat / Check-in
Author	Unlikely-Marzipan
Upvotes	68
Comments	238
Date	April 5, 2021 2:41 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mkm9fw/weekly_fds_chat_checkin/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/weekly-fds-chat-check-in.764877 https://theredarchive.com/post/764877

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