Men dont respect women

trail22 · 2021-07-22T11:20:17+00:00

I can never understand why women thinking wanting to date a girl means a guy respects them less then wanting to be friends with a girl.

Taipanshimshon · 2021-07-22T13:29:40+00:00

This is very very basic.

On a evolutionary level what's the downside to disrespecting a man vs disrespecting a woman ?

Among men respect is earned over time. Any " immediate" respect is only due to potential threat from other men this one associates with.

Dirty_Purity · 2021-07-22T12:11:24+00:00

I wouldn't say men don't respect women but they definetely treat them and other men in different ways. And there is a very simple reason for that:

I dont personally understand why men cannot view women as their equal respectable friends.

Because is much easier to establish and maintain friendship with fellow men. Dealing with women is much more difficult for majority of men thus they seek in women only what they can't get from their male friends and that is why they are willing to deal with all the problems it brings.

Eastuss · 2021-07-22T11:23:58+00:00

For your post to make sense, you'll have to define respect and how you think women respect women, women respect men, and men respect men in comparison.

I think very few men have actual, genuine respect for women

I think very few people respect anybody at all. And that the weaker people tend to show more respect to those in power because they're forced to. Which makes people think men and women respect men more, but that doesn't mean much because it's just a social display.

Can men be genuine friends with women without that happening? Yes.

You talk like men do not respect women because they generally can't be friend without having sexual motives. My experience with "female friends" is they'll expect emotional and physical labour for them for free from their male friends and give nothing back, doesn't feel much like women can have male friends and that women respect them.

His male friends wont bring up their feelings usually even if they catch them. Why? Because they have more respect for your boyfriend than they do for you yourself.

You're saying that if they respected her they wouldn't catch feelings for her..? I don't see what allows you to say he respects the boyfriend more than the girlfriend.

men typically will always look for a potential partner rather than just a female friend.

But women look for male friends you think...? And that's what makes you think men respect women less than the opposite...? How?

As long as you are appealing enough for a single man. They will never approach you with the stable intention of just being friends in the long run. This is a gimmick i could never really understand.

You're saying men's preferences makes them less respectful. How does that make even any glimpse of sense?

I could turn it around and say women will be judgemental of your education, intelligence, accomplishments and hobbies, they're not going to be open minded and respect your lifestyle choices. Unlike men who seem more open minded about all these.

you were nice to her because you wanted what she has or wanted her.

And women were nice to him because they were afraid he loses his shit and beat/rape her. How is that respect? Women see all men as walking threats. How is that respect in your own logic.

I won't deal with the rest of your post, I think you do throw around the word "respect" without any meaning to it, your logic regarding it is heavily inconsistent. I do not pretend to know what "respect" means because I feel anybody has a different definition, but as I said in the beginning, start by expressing what it is to you and compare it to other types of interactions.

FreeMRausch · 2021-07-22T17:19:15+00:00

Girls give guys good reasons to not want friendships.

I was good friends with multiple women in high school and college (would go to movies together, watch sports together, drink together, go out to eat together) who would constantly ghost or become very difficult to do shit with when they got boyfriends. While guy friends would still do shit one on one or in a small group of our friends without needing their girl friend there all the time, women i was with friends with would only do shit if their boyfriend was there all the time or would ghost otherwise, even though they had zero issues doing shit prior to the dudes existence. When their boyfriend dumped them, they came back, sure, but enough times and it became not worth maintaining the friendships. If you can't hang with a friend without your boyfriend hovering all the time, your not a good friend, especially if your guy friend was a good friend for a while. Guys have no issues hanging out with other dudes if they have girl friends and if gender equality is to become a thing, girls should have zero issues too.

Enough times of that and i learned the lesson that girls don't don't truly value someone unless they're fucking them or are family.

Once I met my current wife, i realized putting work into other women, outside of family, was no longer worth it as only family and my current wife will be there for me.

Like girls refusing to give nice guys dates in cases, which leads to bitterness and some guys becoming "jerks", girls also encourage guys to not invest in them as friends.

passepar2t · 2021-07-22T11:14:48+00:00

Almost everyone I know has friends of both genders and is absolutely fine with it and is not waiting in the wings for love. Most of them treat each other like equals as far as I'm aware.

See, I can also list my experience and call it a general rule. The bottom line is many men can have female friends and many men can't.

Also, I don't know what you mean by respect. For men, respect from one's peers is a privilege to earn, not a fundamental right.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-07-22T11:41:11+00:00

Its very difficult for men and women be just platonic friends after puberty. Why?

After puberty, we become sexual beings, that's when attraction goes from maybe a cute little crush to full raging hormones, so if I'm really attracted to you and I like you in that way, why in the absolute hell would I want to be "just friends" and potentially keep falling more in love with your personality and the attraction probably isn't going away, now I will say for the guys own self respect and mental health, if she declines you, tell her "it sucks but I'm not comfortable being just your friend" , she'll definitely respect you more after that

You as a woman meet your boyfriends friends and befriend them. His male friends wont bring up their feelings usually even if they catch them. Why? Because they have more respect for your boyfriend than they do for you yourself.

They will bring them off the moment y'all break up 😂😂😂😂, and it's not because they have MORE respect for your boyfriend, that's just their bro and there's certain lines that you don't cross as a friend

They will never approach you with the stable intention of just being friends in the long run.

Then get you a gay friend lol, I think every girl should have a gay best friend

Unless you are sexually or romantically appealing to a man, they wont respect you in the slightest.

Yes because you women are so kind to men that you don't find attractive 🙄

If we're not attracted to you we'll more than likely just ignore you and you can go on with your day y'all are always talking about that's what you wanted right?

I dont personally understand why men cannot view women as their equal respectable friends.

Equality does not exist among human beings, I am not equal to any individual man or woman, and men and women also specifically are not equal, if I have to do business with you I can maybe put you at the acquaintance level, and men and women can certainly be friends as long as there's no physical attraction, if you don't like it be friends with the guy who thinks you're ugly and you find ugly and I'm sure y'all will hit it off just fine

Why is sex appeal the only respectable part of women to a man?

The same reason that success appeal is the respectable part of a man to a woman🤷‍♂️

And to finish off , not that I think you're using the word in the correct context but still, you know why, I don't respect women? Because I don't respect men either, I don't respect white people, black people, Mexicans, transgenders, you name it and the reason why is because respect is earned amongst INDIVIDUALS, so the idea that "men should respect women" has always been silly to me, just have respect for yourself , worry about the people that matter in your life and that's the key to General happiness 👍

Elias_freecss · 2021-07-22T12:21:25+00:00

A man can be attracted to a woman and still respect her.

When a single woman is approached by a single man, men typically will always look for a potential partner rather than just a female friend.

It obviously depends on the case, but i would say that is generally correct, but i don't see why it's a bad thing. Something you need to understand is how strong sex drive is in men, and how little of it most men get.

I have female friends, i am single. Would i have sex with them if I got the chance? Of course. But that doesn't mean i don't respect them, these are two separate things.

And i get that is confusing to you, you expect a friendship and they want more, and you don't know that until it's late.

But for most men there is no other way, most girls don't like a man that is too direct, so this is what they do.

It would be nice if we could just say "i like you, i think you are attractive, lest hang out" so genuine friendships can occur more often, but that's just not the case, because we need to have "game"

And of course there are respectful and disrespectful men, that's just true about everybody.

Pilling_it · 2021-07-22T12:28:58+00:00

First things first, men are humans doing and women humans being. And as much as we'd like it, we won't be ever able to escape that.

Second, in men's social matrix, skill and leadership define the hierarchy. A woman introduced there can mess with that just because she's a woman, not because of the above, so it's not well perceived. You also very much see that in professional and competitive fields.

Third, I've come to hate how friend can mean everything and nothing. Platonic friendship is possible if there's no attraction whatsoever between both persons. Yeah, it's possible, but also not common.

And less and less men do the approach you describe anymore because they assume no interest if there's no IoI quickly. Friendship with a woman also involve doing some amount of emotional labor like women do between themselves, and no man will be doing that for free.

Lastly, about respect. I'll say respect is earned, and has nothing to do with gender. I do give courtesy by default until they prove to not be worthy of it anymore.

So if you're talking about women being respected by men like other men for the same feats, yeah, it's impossible, because they can't fit in the hierarchy of the social matrix.

Anti-Toxicity · 2021-07-22T12:52:01+00:00

There are a lot of insightful comments here, which makes me appreciate the fact that this question was asked.

I'd just like to add that in my experience, men seem to be more satisfied with the friendships they have whereas women tend to want to grow their friend groups constantly. As I see it (personally), I'd rather just look for more sexual relationships, because my friend group already fulfills my need for friendship.

This may just be only true for the people around me and not most men and women, so I'd appreciate counter evidence.

BecretAlbatross · 2021-07-22T13:28:27+00:00

I think the real answer has to do with

"Do our shared interests outweight how attracted to her I am?"

GYN-k4H-Q3z-75B · 2021-07-22T13:56:02+00:00

I think you're mixing up many different topics here. First of all, I think respect has to earned beyond any basic modicum, and that goes for men and women. Nobody is entitled to friendship, romance or admiration, and you won't get any of it if the other person does not respect you. Basic respect should be there for men and women, and if it's not, you're hanging out with the wrong crowds. Your idea of basic respect is wrong.

You link respect to seeing somebody as your equal. I don't think that is reasonable. Men don't automatically respect each other because they think they're all equals. That's not how that works. Respect is something you have for an individual who stands out from the anonymous crowd due to a quality they bring to the table. It could be anything, and does not have to be a positive quality either. Somebody once said that men have to maintain respect among each other because there is a very real and latent possibility to get punched in the face if you go below a certain level of basic respect (which I would call the modicum). Beyond that, you have to bring something to the table, or you will be ignored like anybody else.

As for relations with women, I don't see how this is or should be any different. A woman will probably not punch you in the face if you go below the modicum, but there will be other consequences, including, unlike among men, societal shit storms and trouble with the law. Ultimately, basic respect is there. You just seem to think that it is not enough. There's where we have to talk about being entitled.

If a woman only ever is of romantic interest to men, that does not imply a lack of basic respect. It means that she is boring. Feeling entitled to friendship does not change the fact that even for friendship you need to bring something to the table. Otherwise, you indeed become useless and earn nothing but that basic respect and go back into anonymity. There are too many people out there to care about all of them.

In the worst case scenario after getting rejected. The man will go around calling her slurs etc, or talk nasty about her to others. Or simply never contact her again.

Nasty people are everywhere and that is a very different topic, but again: You are not entitled to the attention or friendship of a person you have rejected. As for bad reactions, women are not much better. I've had it all, from having a drink poured over my head to being called gay etc. -- if that happens to you systematically, you're hanging out with the wrong crowd.

Unless you are sexually or romantically appealing to a man, they wont respect you in the slightest.

Not really true. There are plenty of women who hang out with men and form solid friendships. It's usually groups of people who have hobbies and interests in common.

It may come as a surprise to those who bother reading my comments here, but most of my friends are actually women. These women are uniquely interesting to me and we have certain activities we do together (mostly drinking, eating, but also video games, political and financial discussions). I am even invited to girls' night now and then.

I like women who stand on their own feet, can handle their drink and discuss serious topics. They also often happen to be attractive, but not always. They're not pushovers, but they're also not angry hags. They stand in a similar point in life as I do, and we have many things in common. The fact that they are women is only secondary.

eye_fuck · 2021-07-22T14:02:20+00:00

If you want to be friends with a men (and not potential sexual interest), you should pass men's standard for friendships. It should go without saying that some or many mens standards for friendships are different from the female ones, men value different things in friends and male friendship is different from female one. Men can be friends with a women: look at tomboys for example. The things is, if you for some reason can't be a mens friends, the reason is that you don't bring enough to the friends table or bring the wrong things.

One more thing: the reason why it's might be hard not to become romantic/sexual interest for your male friend is because men today are very isolated, lonely, romance/intimacy depraved. So they would fall in love with anyone who gives him a bit of affection. If you don't want that you should avoid introverted/asocial men or men with not a lot of friends.

thro_away_2021 · 2021-07-22T15:23:30+00:00

Your whole premise is contingent on the observation that men don’t want to be “just friends” because of some deep seeded misogyny , when this is so far from the truth it’s laughable.

You know why most men don’t want to be “just friends” with a woman they want to date?

Because watching someone you have a crush on, or are attracted too, go date other people after they rejected you IS PAINFUL.

It’s basically being told “no you’re not good enough to date me, but this guy is. Sucks for you.”

Trying to “stay friends” with a woman you like who rejected you is emotional self flagellation.

-WolfieMcq · 2021-07-22T16:58:01+00:00

Why do women think men disrespect us because men want a date: because we literally become a sex-object. Don’t argue. Men admit all they want is sex.

Matt_Door · 2021-07-22T11:42:35+00:00

This comes up all the time, the difference what women mean when they say respect and what men mean when they say respect

Women: courtesy, socially-smooth behaviour (not disruptive, reads the room) saying and acting in a way that on the surface does not appear to be harsh or disruptive to the mood

Men: earned deference and awe, possibly a bit of fear. Earned is the key word, it’s not just given automatically, a man must perform and earn respect. This is rooted in primal violence, offending another man may result in having to fight and risk injury or death. This is why warrior societies often have elaborate codes of conduct - the respect for another man’s capacity for violence

Men and women talk past each other on this subject, they are different and have different value for each gender

Newkker · 2021-07-22T13:05:39+00:00

This has nothing to do with 'respect'. What your post boils down to is

"most men mostly only interact with women if they want to have sex with them"

And, yeah, of course. Most men find most women attractive, and would sleep with them if they could. Why torment yourself by pretending you're ok with being 'just friends' with someone you want to have sex with? Additionally, most people have more in common with members of their same sex, and because (for straight individuals) there is no possibility of sex / no desire to appear sexually desirable, you're more free to be yourself.

This is something women are incapable of knowing but the behavior of the men you know is completely different when there are no women around and they're not putting on a show.

There are billions of people you're not sexually attracted to that you can be friends with, who in their right mind would torture themselves by picking one they are attracted to.

Aldabruzzo · 2021-07-22T14:20:51+00:00

Here's your "definition" of "respect":

Heres my "argument" I dont mean respect in a way of "i look up to you". I mean respect in the most basic way of treating someone.

But the difference is. How often do women seek male friends? Id say its common. How often do men seek female friends. Purely platonic? Almost never.

So, your definition of "respect" is "politeness and common courtesy" and "men seeking women out for pure platonic 'friendship'." ("Friendship" deliberately put in quotes.)

On the first point, you are wrong. Men treat women with basic politeness and common courtesy all the time, and always have. Men have always been expected to treat women with "chivalry" and as the "weaker sex". Men have always been expected to speak less harshly to women, and have always been exhorted to treat women with dignity and to help them - even women we have never even met before. Bottom 80% men are severely penalized for not treating women this way. (Top 20% men can treat women any way they want, and women love it. That's a different story.)

Men have a hardwired instinct to help women in distress. Men have an extremely difficult time combatting this instinct and ignoring it. Men have died helping women they didn't even know. One man was murdered when he intervened for a woman whose boyfriend was brutalizing her. The boyfriend murdered that white knight. (White knighting can get you killed- don't do it.)

If men wanted to r@pe and murder women, we can do it anytime we want to pretty much any woman we want. We have superior size and strength. But we don't. Know why? Because we "respect" you (treat you with basic politeness and common courtesy).

So, no, you're wrong. Men DO "respect" women (treat them with basic politeness and common courtesy). And we do it even when you treat us like shit, as most of you do.

As for the second part - men don't seek out female platonic friends - this is mostly true. Because women really don't make very good friends. A woman's idea of "friendship" with a man is that I do shit for her and she does nothing for me. I give, she takes. She gets everything; I get nothing.

Yeah, no. No thanks. So, yeah, I guess if we define men "respecting" women as "men seeking women out for pure platonic 'friendship'", then men don't respect women.

Aarines · 2021-07-22T12:17:55+00:00

This view is pretty odd. I’m not sure what environment are you in or where are you from but this is fucked up.

Because in my environment, men have no problem being friends with women. They are nice, they respect us women and they know their boundaries even with their jokes. Some of my close male friends are my ride or die. We can make dirty jokes, hang out, and still respect each other boundaries without having interior motive.

Barely-moral · 2021-07-22T15:01:10+00:00

Women expect/demand more from me than men. For that reason I rather befriend men than women. I get more and pay less.

Also, I want to have/keep a partner and having female friends reduces my chances to get/keep one. If i I am single I don't want to waste time and resources in a woman I am not going to date and if I am not single I don't want to do anything that can either make my partner jealous or anything that increases the chances of me getting feelings/attraction for another woman.

Gari_305 · 2021-07-22T12:28:37+00:00

Men dont see womens as other mens equals.

On a societal and professional level we do, should women be held accountable for their actions yes we do. However, on a personal level then no, not the exact same level as men because on an interpersonal level is where the societal mask gives way to our biological imperatives. This is why the saying men and women can't be friends exists.

Studies has proven this

Thus the respect factor that you are searching for u/Vyrnoa doesn't exist due to biology.

Ian_Campbell · 2021-07-22T12:40:56+00:00

"It does not matter how well educated you are, how intelligent you are, what youve accomplished, what your values or hobbies are."

Tell you one thing if I met a woman like Yuja Wang or Hillary Hahn my interest would be nothing at all about sex, it would be about their brilliant musical ability. I bet it is the same for guys with any passion, if you find a woman who is world class in that passion, or even just very good and interested, he will probably find her completely worthwhile as a friend even if there is no dating interest either way.

whistleclick · 2021-07-22T12:49:44+00:00

You answer your own question pretty strongly: friendships are built on context, and when a single man APPROACHES a single woman, he is doing so with sexual motive. What other motive could there be if there is no other commonality between the two people beyond biological imperative? As a man, who doesn’t know anything about a woman other than the fact that she is visually signaling to me that she is healthy and possibly available for mating, have a different motive?

“Oh yeah, there’s a hot girl over there, I should ask about her opinions and support her goals”, says NO ONE.

That aside, sometimes I’m not sure women appreciate how shitty men are to other men that aren’t part of their circle. Like… we men are literally moments from violence most of the time around strangers. There really is not much more respect between men beyond the fear of mutual destruction. Women are almost categorically at a disadvantage in a physical fight with a man, and many the real knuckledraggers among us men only understand physical power, so yes, it becomes a systematic problem where men don’t respect the physical danger of women (because it is much smaller) and know that other men feel the same.

irongolemrocks · 2021-07-22T13:43:43+00:00

I agree that

Its very difficult for men and women be just platonic friends after puberty.

As I don't/never had any close female friende ever in my life, but I disagree with your title.

Just look at reality. I work with woman and I definitely respect them as fellow co workers. Maybe not romantic partners, as I'm not attracted to then nor are they attracted to me. I just respect them as co workers.

mahaitre · 2021-07-22T14:13:06+00:00

Men usually don't see women as an equal not in the sense of inferiority or unworthiness of respect, but rather they see them as the completely Other.

FaithlessnessHefty46 · 2021-07-22T14:32:19+00:00

Due to the ways men and women are socialized theres a number of unique issues that go along with interacting with women,the only unique benefit that a woman can offer that a man cant is a relationship

JohnnyMnemo · 2021-07-22T14:56:23+00:00

Why cant a man just see a woman simply as platonic company?

Because women are often pretty shit company, and expect more than you receive.

You want to hang out, play some xbox, shoot some hoops? Talk about exactly nothing, like fantasy football teams? No?

If you think I want to go shopping or have a cup of coffee, I got better things to do--which means more enjoyable ways to spend my time that most women simply don't similarly enjoy.

MOLONGU · 2021-07-22T15:06:50+00:00

I guess it depends what you mean by respect...Men don't have broad respect for women in most fields sports, science,military because no matter how good women are a man will always be better.

Take sports for example people want to see them played at the highest caliber the WNBA isnt even better than boys Hifhschool Basketball.Female sports is pointless for people who want to see a sport played at the highest caliber.Thus less people are interested and thus they make less money.

Respect is earned not given.Nations earn it through conquest and war the most respected countries are the ones most succesful at that.Israel earned her respect after the 7 days war Japan earned it after pear harbor The United States after The Revolutionary War and sealed it after WW2.

Women don't fight for anything they just expect people to be nice and give them stuff.

The Zulu marched 20,000 men armed with spears up against 1000s of British guns they knew the attle was futile but they did it any way and that's why the Zulu name still carries respect to this day.

Humans are just advanced animals the most wild and sophisticated primitive beeast.In nature you earn respect through action.

Joan of Arc didn't sit around whining about not getting respect she picked up sword and shield and demanded it.

I'm not saying what's rite or wrong I'm saying what is and how the world works.When a nation of women rise up and over throw a nation of men you will have earned your respect untill then enjoy the relative peace and comfort men afford you.

caveman_444 · 2021-07-22T15:21:36+00:00

A man doesn’t owe a woman his friendship just like a woman doesn’t owe a man a romantic relationship….. If he doesn’t want to continue communicating with you platonically after a possible romantic relationship is off the table that’s his right doesn’t matter if you don’t like it you can’t force someone to be your friend if they genuinely don’t want to.

Also being friends with women is way different than being friends with other men. With women the activities and mutual interests on average tend to be watered down compared to other men. For example, I’m not going to talk to most female friends about stuff like shooting guns, mma or football because most of them aren’t into those things to the extent my male friends are so the level that we can bond at is somewhat superficial and underwhelming. Guys just relate better to other guys. Male friends and female friends are not equal they’re very different on average

Aubrey_D_Graham · 2021-07-22T15:37:38+00:00

Men don't pursue friendships with women because women don't put nearly as much effort as other men in the man's life. Women are flaky and backstabby even amongst their close female friends. This behavior does not change when their friend is a guy, but men will treat each other as equals. Women do not.

I'm not against platonic friendships with women, but I'll only mirror their energy. Tit for tat.

Playful_Art_5364 · 2021-07-22T16:40:21+00:00

The real thing is that men are very goal oriented and don’t want to go on side quests. If I want a wife (personally while other dudes want gf) I’m gonna put my energy to that. Every second with you is a second I could be putting into my actual goal.

Female friendships have their merit. But tbh they like 99% friendship for a man are more or less not that important. Most men who are 40 have like 1-3 actual friends.

Toss in there’s a huge category female friends just want boyfriends without the sex from male friends. You make us go through all the emotional and time commitment. Those women are even more a waste of time. They put huge emotional burden on you.

ThanosSnapsSlimJims · 2021-07-22T17:20:09+00:00

Basic decency and civility is different from respect. Everyone deserves basic decency and civility. However, respect is earned.

Helmet_Icicle · 2021-07-22T11:28:23+00:00

Your perception of men says way more about you than it does about half the global population.

What is more likely:

3.5 billion people do not respect the other 3.5 billion people sharing the planet
You cannot find, attract, or keep respectful men

DesertSweat · 2021-07-22T11:35:46+00:00

Just because a guy doesn’t want to be friends with you doesn’t mean he doesn’t respect you.

You’re taking that truth as a personal attack on you and then somehow turning that into your viewpoint.

I never had many friends who were girls because they were never into the same hobbies as I was. And I want friends who want to do the same things as I do. I still would befriend anybody.

In a relationship, that requirement isn’t the same.

And gasp!!!! Men catch feeling for women. Women do as well. I’ve had women befriend me to try and further their intentions with dating me.

Because you know that’s one part of the dating ritual, getting to know the person.

Just because someone doesn’t want to spend resources on being your friend when there is no hope for more, doesn’t mean they don’t respect you, just means there’s not enough in it for them.

This whole post seems self centered. Which is ok. Because we all are. But I know that, and see others actions for what they are.

But the truth is healthy (mentally) reasonable people respect other respectable people.

Edit post thought: and one thing I didn’t add, is there have been women who I’ve been genuinely interested in just platonically who’ve been in the same hobbies as me, and they automatically think guys are just trying to get in your pants and they will unfriend you, act rudely to you because they aren’t interested, because of prior experiences. So once again, the waters are muddied in terms of why men and women generally are not friends.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2021-07-22T12:17:24+00:00

>came to the conclusion that the average man does not respect the average woman.

What is your definition of respect? Because if the majority of men are just out there minding their own business and not actively attacking women, you are pretty much there.

> they have a basic level of respect for other men

The same respect we have for women. I mind my business, you mind yours. You don't fuck up with me and I don't fuck with you. I think is clear seeing this is the most common way people interact with strangers in society.

>Men dont see womens as other mens equals

No. But that does not mean we disrespect them.

Ok so you decide to classify male desire for women as disrespectful? I think you got the definition of respect wrong to begin with.

Wait until you get older and you become invisible to men. You will get what respect really is when they just leave you be without any kind of exciting interaction

dynospectrum7 · 2021-07-22T13:50:14+00:00

Its very simple:

F: I don't want to date you
M: Okay. I don't want to be friends.
F: Misogyny

Ryderforge · 2021-07-22T14:23:57+00:00

Why do you want to be friends with men so much? Like I'm not saying that a male and female friendships Are impossible but I always found women who want male friends kind of strange. It's like they want someone to do boyfriend activities with but not be their boyfriend.

The_Meep_Lord · 2021-07-22T11:12:02+00:00

You missed something, men do not even respect men all that often.

To earn a man’s respect, you must be “amazing” at something difficult. Ex: Get and work a difficult job that pays well, invent something, become amazing at getting women.

Men who act the same as the average women get zero respect too. Women just do not notice this as men who are not respected are invisible.

Most women avoid doing enough to get a man’s respect as they do not have to do that stuff. And because of things like affirmative action and nepotism, even women who are successful are doubted as we run into so many women full of it.

foreblue · 2021-07-22T11:48:22+00:00

Well, I can’t tackle your premise head on, but I can point out some issues with your points.

First of all, a better conclusion from all you reasoning would be that men don’t view women the same as they do other men. I don’t see how respect is related to the arguments you made.

Everything you said about what men actually do, I don’t see how it’s any different from women? What women approach ugly men and invite them into their friend group and try to make a random friendship work?

And what man randomly approaches another man and asks him on a platonic friend date? Of course men don’t do this to women, they don’t do it to women either.

None of this has anything to do with respect. It has to do with the nature of friendship. I don’t find people that I respect and then deliberately target them for friendship. I become friends with people that I have a lot in common with, whether that means interests or just mindset. There are a lot of men and women that are friends with each other through work or activities. And so they bond in those contexts. But to be friends on a deeper level, it takes more than mutual interests. Men and women are different biologically, and that means that already they are lacking in mutual relatability. But on top of that, men and women are more likely to have different interests. So there it’s clear why there is polarization.

Now take all that, and realize, even if there are great situations for platonic friendship, people won’t know it ahead of time. So why would I invest time into becoming friends with a woman when the chances that we can actually be great friends are extremely low? On top of that, there are 2 other disincentives to friendship. Let’s say that I genuinely only want platonic friendship, I am still going to be concerned that the woman won’t actually know that. I know that in the back of her mind, she will be thinking that I am just trying to get close to her for sex. The second problem is that I won’t know if she is interested in me or not. So I will be wondering the same thing.

So even in a situation where the guy and the woman have tons of shared interests and great chemistry, and have no attraction to each other, there will still be a level of mind games and psychological ambiguity.

As for a situation where a guy is highly attracted to a woman. Why should he torture himself? Guys don’t torture themselves for other men. So there’s no reason they should torture themselves by orbiting an attractive female.

Willow-girl · 2021-07-22T11:56:35+00:00

Men having exceedingly low expectations for women. Performing some totally routine task competently will utterly amaze them! Shocking how low the bar is set, really.

I toy with my man occasionally by telling him I've done something dumb, like accidentally putting oil in the gas tank in the tractor, and he believes me every time. Falls for it hook, line and sinker! Then I'll laugh and say, "Do you really think I'm that dumb?" It's fun to watch him backpedal. Keeps him on his toes ...

SnooSprouts1580 · 2021-07-22T14:50:21+00:00

OP is correct about men like me who only approach women for intimate activities, and never for friendship. OP is confused about why this is the case.

My answer:

There are only 24 hours in a day; obligations, hobbies, working out and dating are time consuming. I don't have time to regularly entertain women I'm not going to be sleeping with.

moviefan1791 · 2021-07-22T14:57:12+00:00

You said "I think very few men have actual genuine respect for women the same way they have a basic level of respect for other men."

You then say (after a woman rejects a man) "You never respected her as a person, you were nice to her because you wanted what she has or wanted her. Otherwise now she is basically useless to you"

You are contradicting yourself in the fact that male's relationships with other males are mainly utilitarian to begin with. Men dont hang out with men who they do not have common interests with. They hang out with men they have commonality with.

If a man is interested in a relationship with a woman and she is not interested, there is no commonality. It's not a lack of respect when the man moves on. It's a respect of one's own time and energy.

betabucks666 · 2021-07-22T11:25:06+00:00

Unless you are sexually or romantically appealing to a man, they wont respect you in the slightest. This is why you rarely see taken men hang out with a lot of women unless theyre cheating.

Rarely because men and woman have much different interests. Doesn't that make a lot of sense? Doesn't mean men don't respect women they don't date.

Let me just make a guess though, you're a woman in mid 30's?

See this is quite predictable cause the same thing keeps happening : a 23 yo isn't concerned whether men respect woman. It has a lot to do with the wall it seems.

1master_dom · 2021-07-22T14:25:45+00:00

That’s true, men don’t respect women.. Or put differently... women have the traits that men respect in humans.

Are women courageous, healthy leaders, physically dominant, rational.. do they lead with integrity.. are they prepared to die for their loved ones, are they willing to put their lives in danger instinctively to protect a randomer?

Very rarely they have any of these traits.

These are the traits men respect in human beings.

Not all men have these traits, hence why not all men are respected.. but a lot more have them than women.

AntifaSuperSwoledier · 2021-07-22T11:32:57+00:00

When a single woman is approached by a single man, men typically will always look for a potential partner rather than just a female friend.

How does this go with the title? Is a man unable to respect someone he wants as a partner? Is not wanting to be friends disrespectful?

NinjaOfTheSouth · 2021-07-22T11:38:35+00:00

Men respect women as human beings. Men understand we are the gender that must create value/worth. For women its kinda not the same, because in current day society most women don’t have much value besides sex(main thing men value from women when their young).

From a mans perspective, women don’t bring a lot of value to them(besides female relatives), in general so men don’t really surround themselves around women. Unless to get sex

2021-07-22T12:55:39+00:00

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Vyrnoa · 2021-07-22T14:08:10+00:00

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AtaCome7821 · 2021-07-22T14:08:13+00:00

I think what you're talking about is more courtesy than respect. Which is fair but quite frankly I doubt that everyone respects anyone like that, man or woman. Familiarity and relatedness are factors as well if I'm being honest, like I'll be more likely to respond positively and with less caution towards a guy than with you, so there's that element but it doesn't mean I won't at least show any decency towards you. After that, to be respected you need to earn it by being a competent, consistent and fairly respectful person, anymore than that and you're talking about admiration.

Jevan_70567 · 2021-07-22T14:42:53+00:00

I’m 16 and at my first job there was a girl Bianca, she had a cute face but I really wasn’t attracted to her , we were just friends and talked a lot and I never did anything to advance on her.

verdantsound · 2021-07-22T14:47:46+00:00

wow this post sounds bitter.

S0mnariumx · 2021-07-22T14:49:08+00:00

I try my best to be good about this. Usually when I'm rejected I won't end the friendship permanently but put a pause on it to process my sadness. Afterwards we can carry on without issue. The only time I get real butthurt is if they do something subversive like acting like they feel the same then slowly ghosting. That behavior is disrespectful in itself though. I won't go around slandering them but I will be livid. As far as approaching women it's like going on a date with a stranger or whatever implies getting to know them as a friend first. They just kind of assume the worst because there's a lot of creepy horndogs.

So this is basically not all men. Some of us work on our behavior but not as many as I'd like

Ohmylordyjesus · 2021-07-22T15:28:29+00:00

I’ve dated a lot. In my experience, the more I respect a girl, the less she is sexually interested in me.

I hate that it’s this way, but the less I’ve respected a woman, the more she sexually desired me.

Don’t be mad at me, I’d rather it be the 1st scenario but most women I’ve talked to, didn’t respond well to being treated respectfully so i just do what works 🤷‍♂️ Evolution?

tropicsGold · 2021-07-22T15:48:00+00:00

For both men and women, respect must be earned. If some random average guy just meets some random average girl (or vice versa), one would not expect there to be “respect.” On what basis? I mean you should treat each other decently and all that, but one would not expect there to be real respect because there has not yet been an opportunity to build it. This takes time, to show strength and character.

Over time though, I think there are plenty of men who respect plenty of women. Although there will also be plenty of each sex who never earn respect because they just might not deserve it.

Sid_Insidious · 2021-07-22T15:54:05+00:00

I dont personally understand why men cannot view women as their equal respectable friends.

Because men and women are held to different standards, and men to a higher level of accountability. Men are supposed to compete with other men for women and win, and women are the prize.

This social constructionist BS concept that men and women are just all the same except for innie and outie is a failed theory and failed social experiment.

Trying to make women more masculine and men more feminine has done nothing but create havoc in the SMP.

pubgmisc · 2021-07-22T16:10:52+00:00

Oh one more thing - men and women can't be friends. Men always have an end goal in mind (attention is never free). Try is out by texting your male friend 'im horny let's fuck' - and see what he says haha.

M3taBuster · 2021-07-22T16:28:45+00:00

Unless you are sexually or romantically appealing to a man, they wont respect you in the slightest.

At the very least, this part of your post is false. I have lots of friends and over half of them are women. Yet I am not interested in any of them romantically nor sexually in the least, because I don't find them physically attractive. Plus, a couple of them are gay, and one is dating my other friend. Not interested, as in, if they were to call me up and say "Let's fuck.", right now, I would reject them.

Now, for the record, I disagree with your definition of respect: that it's impossible to be romantically/sexually attracted to someone and simultaneously respect them. But if we go by your definition, I (and probably most other men) have plenty of respect for unattractive women, as much respect as we do for other men. In fact, they'd be the only women we have "respect" for.

I also say men have no respect for women because once that fantasy is shattered of getting said woman, the man will usually end the friendship or become very bitter. You never respected her as a person, you were nice to her because you wanted what she has or wanted her. Otherwise now she is basically useless to you.

Another thing I want to point out, when men do this, most of the time it's not because he's dropping you like a toy he's grown bored of. He's just doing it to protect himself because it's painful to maintain frequent contact with someone that has rejected you. It sucks for you, especially if you're attractive enough that this happens to you often, but it doesn't mean he doesn't/didn't respect you. And would you want that friendship to continue, yourself anyway? Wouldn't it be awkward for you too?

mightfloat · 2021-07-22T16:36:06+00:00

Men and women aren’t equal. We function differently and desire different things. Expecting us to view a woman (the gender that we have evolved to kill for and protect in order to reproduce with like almost every mammal) as we would a man is ridiculous and modern society likes to blur that line.

TodTheRod01 · 2021-07-22T16:53:44+00:00

Not wanting female friends has nothing to do with respect.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2021-07-22T17:42:48+00:00

I can't be friends with somebody that can't do the same things I do, it's boring, gets bored easily, borrows me stuffs constantly, is constantly asking me for rides or favours, wants me to fix things for her, it's not into the same hobbies, doesn't own a bike (or can't fix one), doesn't like football (soccer), doesn't know who Alfredo Di Stefano is, doesn't like cars and races, doesn't put up with my crap the same way I put up with hers, and doesn't want to put the same amount of effort I put in our relationship and is not even willing to invite me some beers or buy some game tickets for me from time to time.

99% of women I've met share NOTHING with me and think a friendship with a man is just a one-sided transactional relation. Hence why all my friends (except one) are all men. Men are better friends than women. They ARE friends, actually.

That doesn't mean I don't RESPECT women as I respect men. Bullshit. I just treat them with courtesy... And I keep them at a harm distance.

But just so you know, I have one girl friend actually. She's a smooth bisexual girl, we actually like the same type of women and share a lot of stuff in common. She also does amazing stuffs for me and invite me drinks and buy me gifts, birthday and Christmas presents and all that.

And on top of that we kind of have a crush or platonic friendship going on since we met 8 years ago. She said she would totally suck me dry and fuck me to Oblivion if I break up with my fiance or open my relationship, but we're keeping things civil and we really enjoy each others company. We are a great couple when we go out and I love her dearly and do things for her I wouldn't do for any other woman besides my fiance.

And my respect for her hasn't diminished at all after she confesed me she's "in love with me". On contrary, it has only increased. Our relationship has got to a point where we can share the most intimate acts of our lives and still checking out our feelings and emotions, and it feels SUPER refreshing. It's cool to hear a woman say "you look super hot today" without getting sexual. It's good to hugh a woman that is not your mom or your girlfriend and feeling nothing but the hugh. It's awesome to feel the sexual tension between two people and knowing it won't go further, and it doesn't has to.

If that is not respecting a woman, if you can't consider friends a man you can go and talk to about your desires, dreams, fears and most inner sexual fantasies and knowing he won't try to do shit... Then I don't know what is respect for women.

But granted... I don't respect all women like the women in my life. Respect is something you earn, no matter if you are man or woman. These women earn my respect everyday, that's why I love them.

2021-07-22T11:15:48+00:00

``Ive been thinking about this for the past few weeks and ive honestly came to the conclusion that the average man does not respect the average woman. Simply because of the gender difference and personal motives. I think very few men have actual, genuine respect for women the same way they have a basic level of respect for other men. Men dont see womens as other mens equals. There for they dont respect them the same way.``

I didnt get much respect from women and usually ended up getting used by them for their own needs.

``Can men be genuine friends with women without that happening? Yes. But usually that only happends in one instance. You as a woman meet your boyfriends friends and befriend them. His male friends wont bring up their feelings usually even if they catch them. Why? Because they have more respect for your boyfriend than they do for you yourself.``

It isnt about respect. Its about hormones in the first case and in the second case you dont touch what isnt yours. Same if i and other guy have a crush on the girl. Ill much rather leave him be than to make it a competition.

``When a single woman is approached by a single man, men typically will always look for a potential partner rather than just a female friend. It does not matter how well educated you are, how intelligent you are, what youve accomplished, what your values or hobbies are. As long as you are appealing enough for a single man.``

Which again has nothing to do with respect(or lack of).

``mplished, what your values or hobbies are. As long as you are appealing enough for a single man. They will never approach you with the stable intention of just being friends in the long run. This is a gimmick i could never really understand. I also say men have no respect for women because once that fantasy is shattered of getting said woman, the man will usually end the friendship or become very bitter. You never respected her as a person, you were nice to her because you wanted what she has or wanted her. Otherwise now she is basically useless to you.``

It hurts a lot to be near a person that rejected you. Its self perservation and coping mechanisim in case of becoming bitter, not lack of respect.

``Unless you are sexually or romantically appealing to a man, they wont respect you in the slightest. This is why you rarely see taken men hang out with a lot of women unless theyre cheating. As long as youre appealing enough, youll get basic respect or normal treatment. When you are not. All of that respect is lost. This would make anyone feel like an disposeable object.``

Isnt just for women. Unnattractive people in general are treated like absoloute shit. Except men dont get the benifits that women do such as women are wonderful effect or the fact that women have ingroup bias and men have outgroup.

``I dont personally understand why men cannot view women as their equal respectable friends. Why is it that there has to be feelings like that envolved in order to get decent treatment? Why cant a man just see a woman simply as platonic company? Why is sex appeal the only respectable part of women to a man? Thats not basic nor is it genuine respect for a woman.``

Doesnt have to be an only one. If its present it just makes the chance of getting a crush much more likely. Women who find less than 20% of men attractive wont get that.

gimpgirl555 · 2021-07-22T11:18:55+00:00

I dont personally understand why men cannot view women as their equal respectable friends.

Because women don't follow the bro code. Being respected by men is really easy: work as hard as them, and be a bro.

In girl terms, be the ride or die chick.

flamingoinghome · 2021-07-22T11:51:42+00:00

This is....weird. You don't respect someone because you have a crush on them, develop a crush on them, or find them sexually attractive? It's a lack of respect to end a friendship because being friends with your unrequited crush...hurts?

(also, you're doing the same thing a lot of guys on here do where you assume all women are attractive. Ugly women exist)

But I also don't understand the idea that you can't be friends with people you harbor low-key sexual curiosity about. It doesn't make sense to me.

NPCFactChecker · 2021-07-22T11:49:04+00:00

Coworkers and business partners aren't friends. No matter how hard you try. That goes for men too, we don't choose friends based on status and intelligence. More so utility.

And if you're single ofc you will be pursued for a relationship. How is that disrespectful?

xFallacyx69 · 2021-07-22T13:20:01+00:00

I don’t respect women just for being women… that’s fucking stupid. I treat them with common decency, but respect is earned by not being a complete dipshit… otherwise you’re just another passing face. Am I gonna be a dick to you? No. But I’m not gonna ask your opinion on things because I trust mine way more than yours. That’s the difference for me.

pubgmisc · 2021-07-22T13:27:50+00:00

First of all, most men don't do that - cmon you can't just generalise haha. 2. Respect is earned. Men are more merit-based, women are more communitarian. Men build up their value, women are born with it. It's fundamentally a different experience. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=\_wQSgkQOpY4&t=6787s&ab\_channel=FreshandFit

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2021-07-22T13:52:08+00:00

Actually agree with this 💯, I've never been able to have a man in general as a friend , even men in my past that I looked up to as father figure have blurred the line after I started to blossom as a woman . Those that couldn't get passed a friend zone area, yes myself had issues with them getting nasty . So it was all fake them trying to be a friend , learned my lessons early in life .

ToughAnswers · 2021-07-22T14:20:35+00:00

Friendship between men and women is a modern effeminate phenomenon less than 100 years old, a blip in human history

nothatyoucare · 2021-07-22T17:00:37+00:00

Is this another post that can be categorized as "women are upset that men have a libido"? Just checking.

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-07-22T12:09:09+00:00

Yep, you are right. And when you call them out on this, they play the double-definition “respect” word game. What women are asking for is the basic human respect (we’ll call that “little r respect”) we afford each other and men usually give to other men. But men will claim we’re asking for the special (big R) Respect and deference that has to be earned. In reality, they want special Respect from women who they won’t even give basic human respect to because we “haven’t earned it.” It’s bullshit, but what else is new?

MrBittersweetcookie · 2021-07-22T13:26:49+00:00

I think your age and your limited experiences influence your rather poor opinion about men.

largepaycheckaddict · 2021-07-22T13:23:52+00:00

I have female friends who are attractive, but they’re like a sister to me. I can confidently say I have never had any intention of dating them simply cause our personalities don’t vibe like that. I’ve never had a desire to sleep with them either although I can say without a doubt they’re attractive.

Now with that being said, id be lying if I said I prefer their company over my male friends. I just enjoy male bonding and friendship more and can usually have a more enjoyable time. The company of female friends is great in bigger social groups or doing casual stuff like going out for a drink or hitting the beach. Most of my female friends aren’t into the same hobbies as me, but lots of my guy friends don’t like the beach.

I’m really not into the feminine catiness and “omg literally” gossip girl type convos that comes along with hanging amongst female friends. I’m a very masculine guy and I find it irritating to be around that type of energy.

This all being said, I don’t get why anyone cares who I hangout with or the fact that I have a sex drive and might want something more than friendship from a girl who’s attractive and has a nice personality. That’s the way god designed us.

carly_rae_bopsen · 2021-07-22T13:48:06+00:00

You realise you can have a crush on someone and still respect them?

YveisGrey · 2021-07-22T14:53:14+00:00

And yes this is also why men will treat women they have no attraction to poorly. I don’t understand why physical attraction is necessary for a man to treat a woman with basic respect and dignity. The nice deeds of men often have ulterior motives, if the only reason you were nice to me is because you thought you had a chance ummmm I don’t want anything from you. True kindness is just that, I don’t expect anything from someone when I hold the door for them or help them pick up something they dropped. Either be genuine in your kind acts or don’t do them at all.

michael1962-01 · 2021-07-22T11:22:58+00:00

There is nothing like "natural" respect.

Respect has to be earned. Most women lack dedication, accountability and logic as well as the mindset to grind and achive things against all odds.

There are women i respect - very few - but i'd never would be friend to any woman.

There is nothing in it for a male.

goneaway2thewind · 2021-07-22T17:17:18+00:00

I think very few men have actual, genuine respect for women the same way they have a basic level of respect for other men. Men dont see womens as other mens equals.

dont personally understand why men cannot view women as their equal respectable friends. Why is it that there has to be feelings like that envolved in order to get decent treatment?

Respect is earned, most women aren't willing to do the work.

They don't fight for themselves, they expect men to. They don't take accountability for their actions, they expect men to. They don't assert themselves and demand respect in the dominance hierarchy, they expect men to give it to them.

Most Women don't deserve to be respected because most women don't earn it, they leverage femininity to seduce men into giving them what they want. Men can respect women, and do for the minority of them who put in work to command it. But the majority of women don't have an imperative to be respected, they are instinctually more concerned with being feminine.

EviessVeralan · 2021-07-22T14:17:06+00:00

I would completely disagree with the main point of "Men dont respect women" because having feelings for someone isnt disrespectful.

triggerhappy899 · 2021-07-22T15:16:01+00:00

Isn't it a bit hypocritical to say that women should be respected which should include respecting boundaries but then turn around and shit on men for having boundaries (ie a man doesn't want to be friends)? By your own definition wouldnt this mean that you don't respect men?

the_gato_says · 2021-07-22T14:59:07+00:00

Oh man I was ready to disagree with you, but these comments are not helping my case.

jawnzoo · 2021-07-22T16:04:36+00:00

I don't understand posts like this where it's generalizing a whole gender. you might as well just say "all men are trash".

Only a sith deals in absolutes

i don't respect anyone unless they give me a reason to, i act civil to everyone though. that being said i have friends from both genders, and the girls that are "one of the guys" are just easier to get along with.

whyserenity · 2021-07-22T17:00:34+00:00

Op, you don’t understand men. Women usually don’t. Men don’t treat other men with respect of any definition. Men treat other men like crap, especially close friends. We mock and ridicule each other all the time. Men’s friendships are totally different than women’s friendships.

Also friendship in general is not easy as an adult. People are just too busy.

The only time I’ve ever been friends with women is when I was decades older than they were. And that was because I worked at Walt Disney World, where they love to pay college kids as little as possible.

Lonely_Sun_7194 · 2021-07-22T12:13:06+00:00

What do you rate yourself on a scale of 1 - 10?

DillonTheFatUglyMale · 2021-07-22T12:36:40+00:00

Tldr

StrugglingRando · 2021-07-22T12:56:45+00:00

I can now see exactly why you came to this conclusion.

YveisGrey · 2021-07-22T14:48:44+00:00

Men treat friendship with women like a crime against them. They straight up act like if a woman only intends on having a friendship with them that she has committed some sort of wrong doing. In men’s mind not wanting to have sex with them is “oppression”. 🙄🙄🙄 it’s honestly disturbing that they see things this way. I can understand that it’s difficult to be friends with a person you have feelings for fine men and women have experienced this however the person who doesn’t have feelings isn’t wrong, they don’t owe you reciprocated romantic interest.

Snoo38543 · 2021-07-22T16:12:52+00:00

No one owes you shit. Not respect, or friendship. Keep fucking whining, though. That'll sure get you some "respect."

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rivetcitymayor · 2021-07-22T15:13:38+00:00

I kind of agree with the title but your reasoning is not what I would use as proof of that

hate_redditors · 2021-07-22T15:17:31+00:00

You ask why things can't be platonic, but how much control do you have over your attraction? Should a person deal with pent up desires and unrequited love? If friendship is based on honesty, and you have feelings for a person, do you lie and pretend they don't exist? What if a person's idiosyncrasies or general personality isn't appealing enough to you unless sex and romance is involved? And bringing up respect, it would probably be easier if some women were up front about their intentions instead of being vague or stringing men along for their own needs and purposes.

Sultmaker_9000 · 2021-07-22T15:20:43+00:00

Women shame each other more than men, vicious gossiping and rumours is how women work when it comes to the dark arts, men settle their differences in the car park.

Men don't go around approaching other men just trying to be friends, it just arises

Most women in relationships don't like their male partner hanging around with other women.

I don't see hot women looking to befriend or wanting to hang around with ugly dudes, unless he's fucking loaded/ has status.

SnowHatesWome · 2021-07-22T15:21:59+00:00

Its very difficult for men and women be just platonic friends after puberty. Why?

I think this has to do more with the 80/20 rule than anything else. I think it is hard for anyone to be just friends with someone they find physically arousing, and it just so happens that the average man finds the average woman attractive more than the average woman would find the average man attractive.

As long as youre appealing enough, youll get basic respect or normal treatment.

You're confusing extra privileges with "normal" treatment. The way men treat pretty women has more to do with the halo effect than lack of respect. If you're not pretty you're not being treated with disrespect, men are just treating you like you are a man.

Why cant a man just see a woman simply as platonic company?

Once again I think this has to do more with the fact that women just find fewer men attractive.

TomSelleckPI · 2021-07-22T15:34:19+00:00

Men don't see men as equals. Individuals see equals as equals.

Resolution437 · 2021-07-22T15:49:39+00:00

If a girl is sexually attractive, friendly and smart then i want to be with her as more than friends. I’ll respect her boundaries of course, but if the feeling isn’t mutual then it’s also a bit painful to be together, which makes being friends harder. If she’s not sexually attractive in the slightest, but is friendly and smart we can definitely be friends though.

PMmeareasontolive · 2021-07-22T15:52:15+00:00

His male friends wont bring up their feelings usually even if they
catch them. Why? Because they have more respect for your boyfriend than
they do for you yourself.

Why would you conclude that them not bringing it up is out of respect to the guy and not the girl? As someone who has been the third wheel in that situation, it's out of respect for both, I can assure you. Respect in this sense meaning trying not to be offensive or make it awkward.

Great_Future7361 · 2021-07-22T15:53:57+00:00

I’ll be honest, unless I find a woman unattractive then they are usually worth much to me as a potential partner than as a friend. That is just how I am. I am not really a friendship is magic type anyways, but I am driven by desire.

shadowylurking · 2021-07-22T16:18:53+00:00

I think you've have some really bad experiences with men. Men and women can be friends all the time.

Redwolfdc · 2021-07-22T16:19:17+00:00

By observation men frequently have no problem being just friends with women…but usually when they are absolutely not attracted to them though. So yes I would agree with some of this sentiment.

For women they are attracted some men may be friends only but they likely would always look out for any “opportunity” for more

victoriasregrets · 2021-07-22T16:27:17+00:00

The answer is very simple actually . Its all about that particular person's friendship style , which depends a lot on gender and also sociability of their parents . Since the friendship styles are different , a girl treating a guy like one of the girls would make him get wrong ideas .
Female friendships are more deeper , but usually fragile
Male friendships are not that deep , but usually stronger .

If you want to learn more , there is an entire episode about styles of friendship on the Hidden Brain Podcast . That single episode cleared a lot of these doubts for me .

silent36 · 2021-07-22T16:35:28+00:00

Once I learned women who screamed men were trash, my baby daddy abandoned me, my ex treated me bad usually went back or overindulged in Netflix and chill I lost respect.

I honestly thought while men admittedly needed to get their sex drive under control because men, that women had class and chose wisely who they give their bodies too. Instead I encounter bad decisions upon bad decisions with no foresight.

ThrowingKnive · 2021-07-22T17:01:11+00:00

Me (male), whose friend groupe is 60% women I befriended over the years, spending time with them because I genuinely enjoy their company - am I a joke to you?

FoolishApril · 2021-07-22T17:03:10+00:00

I think this is a perfect example of how we all labor under the burden of the narrative that our narrow perception encourages. I don't have to read the whole thread to predict that a good number of men will point out how unfair and lacking this view of interpersonal relationships between the sexes break down. Basically , men are hammers and therefore all they notice around them is nails . And the same goes for us men , believing all women are sex crazed/frigid golddiggers that warship that one guys penis. And although you can find examples of either readily enough , they are the exceptions that prove the rule rather than the norm, and the norm is that men are not hammers or women characters in a sex drama. There is so much more to the concept of beauty than a pair of tits and a small waist , just as the motivations of men are as varied as his age, race , sexual orientation and/or his goals etc,etc. It's too bad many of us won't fully hash all this out until we're older and under the lingering influence from the consequences of the delusions of youth.

Alfredaux · 2021-07-22T17:38:38+00:00

Nah.

I run with a heavily non-monogamous crowd. Meaning people can pretty much always pursue someone. Despite the normal barriers you mentioned not being present, there are many, many friendships and great respect between men and women that never get sexual and where never intended to be sexual.

And there’s also many work relationships between men and women that are full of respect and are not sexual/romantic.

I’ve also known asexual women who have male friendships and the reverse.

Now, in a normal serial-monogamous world, it still isn’t about lacking respect but about perceived competition. There is great distrust between people seen as romantic/sexual competition. It is too common to have a fe/male friend drop you because their new significant other is threatened by a close friendship. It’s when you’ve befriended that significant other that the fear of competition diminishes and so the scenario you give is realized. But not for the reasons you think.

eaazzy_13 · 2021-07-22T18:39:57+00:00

Maybe men just think women don’t make good friends, but otherwise respect them?

SpaceJunkieVirus · 2021-07-22T18:47:10+00:00

Here is the thing. Its conditioned in our/male brain. But often times its possible to be platonic. Also, with recent media glorification of high sex counts as coolness, man are looking into fuck-buddies more and relationship less. Also it depends individually, like I have many female friends but I did not approach them yet because I know there is no mutual interest (romantic). But if they ask me to have sex (like just sex not dating) I would not deny the attractive ones or the ones I feel similar with.

Low_Ad1738 · 2021-07-22T19:03:28+00:00

Correct. There is a reason that boys are told to respect women. Women simply don't command respect the way men do, so we have to be told (hamstered) into respecting them.

herbb100 · 2021-07-22T19:08:46+00:00

I don't think men don't respect women but I think if you were pumped up with testosterone you would understand why it's better to as a male stay away from women whom you want more from than friendship when the feeling isn't mutrial.

QimchiSauce · 2021-07-22T19:42:33+00:00

I would say your kinda right. The reason being is just the biological nature of either gender. It’s beyond the social norm it’s just biology. Of course there is some platonic friends of opposite genders but those are rare. Also many come from a more family background. So a in law, step sibling or someone raised closed to you so you view them like a relative. These basically remove the sexual aspect of the entire scenario and have them more a sibling relationship. This however is nearly impossible to be done when your older and it’s two random strangers.

Another reason being is that I would say on a balance of probability most men won’t approach women to be friends. Let’s be real here most men won’t even see female “friends” like male friends. Vice verse for the opposite gender. Like most people won’t bat a eye on a person if they don’t catch some interest.

Another thing. Why? Simply what would he get from a female friendship that a male one already gives him. There’s the fear or catching feelings from either individual that could just be prevented by having a male friend if they are straight. This is something men usually do they befriend other straight males. This creates a small circle that aren’t trying to Impress some chick and just be themselves. This is because men do this subconsciously or consciously in order to get a girl. Like everyone’s seen it once when a girl enters the group and the dudes begin to start acting and falling for her. The entire dynamic gets fucked. That’s why they avoid the issue by having the “guy group”. It’s sad that this is what many men do. However it is what it is.

I would say overall if you removed the overall sexual urge of the man. Sure it’s possible for a platonic friend. However that impossible. Also the dude will most likely catch some sort of feelings. This is seen by the best guy friend position dudes make fun off and recognize. You become the emotional release of the friend. However it’s awkward as the dude will most likely begin to dread the spot and want to dip.

17abdul · 2021-07-22T19:57:27+00:00

I dont get this , wanting to date someone doesnt mean you dont respect them , also you dont have to be friends with women to respect them , and last but not least being a woman isnt why you should deserve respect, alot of guys dont recieve respect just because they are guys , respect is earned as a man not inherently given and the same should be extended to women,

women should earn respect and I am speak as individuals respect is earned and recripocrated as individuals not neccesarrily as a group, also there has to be a reason why you are respected and how that respect takes form , maybe what you are respected for and how you are respected isnt what you want to be respected for ,you kind of have to change it by yourself

Men can be genuine friends with women but it's not as easy as being friends with a man , because 1st we communicate differently ,

2 for women we need at least consistency and continuous contact or you drift apart the same isnt for men , men can not see each other for like 6 years and then just be best friends when they see each other again plus we dont really try to know what's going on in our lives unless there is a genuine issue that needs to be solved, it's way less maintenance so yeah , plus we tend to remind ourselves that we need to always get our shit together in the face of issues I guess ,

it's just different, the two sexes can be friends, best friends depending on the people involved, but it's not the same and it's way more difficult to be friends with men than woman ,and there are less requirements to enter that friends bubble for men , whether it's worth it or not depends on the woman you are friends with thou ,while there are alot of good women there are also alot of bad women , and they do more psychological and emotional damage than men if they are bad

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Title	Men dont respect women
Author	Vyrnoa
Upvotes	47
Comments	492
Date	July 22, 2021 11:05 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/opbm1g/men_dont_respect_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-dont-respect-women.794039 https://theredarchive.com/post/794039

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