Most women want to be loved, but they don't want to love.

Safinated · 2024-03-01T16:05:18+00:00

Approaching doesn’t involve love, lol. You don’t even know the person

Of course women love. That’s why they stay with shitty, abusive, indifferent, lazy, messed-up partners all the time

bluepvtstorm · 2024-03-01T17:01:07+00:00

It’s so funny how this take goes from casual interactions to love. There is a lot in between. As ornery as I am with most of the world, when I love I love hard. There is nothing that my partner needs or wants when I am all in. It doesn’t have to be earned, I show up and show out until they start proving they don’t deserve it.

There is a ledger that is ticking and that ledger has only a few lines before it needs to be balanced and it’s because as I giver, I have to set very stiff and hard boundaries because someone who is a taker has none. Those boundaries exist to protect my emotional and financial well being.

I also don’t expect people to be able to read people and do things the way I do but they have to match my energy pretty early or they are caught off and forgotten.

A lot of women I know now weren’t raised to be wives. They were raised to be permanent girlfriends or situations. I was raised to be a wife by my father and my grandmother. I have no interest in being a wife anymore because there isn’t any value to me but the way I show up is about being a person that shows love in a lot of ways.

But there are limits to my kindness and the ability to be in contact with me.

I pack lunches, I cook meals, I send gifts, I do the things but it’s not infinite. If I don’t see reciprocity almost immediately, I check out because I showed you who I am and you are playing in my face if you keep expecting the same treatment while doing nothing.

biscuitcatapult · 2024-03-01T15:56:35+00:00

Even I am going to disagree with this one.

I’ll pitch an alternate theory: it’s a difference in “love languages,” assuming one believes the idea of “love languages,” has merit.

Of course this is a major generalization, but I notice when women have this prompt on their online dating profiles, the top two responses are “gift giving” and “acts of kindness,” while men tend to select “quality time” and “physical touch.”

In short, this means that (some) women believe that men should show their love with gifts and doing small tasks for them, while (some) men believe that women should show their love with just hanging out, being present, and holding hands (or other stuff).

Men and women both want to love and be loved, but how they express it and how they perceive it tend to correlate with traditional gender roles.

MistyMaisel · 2024-03-01T17:24:05+00:00

Honestly, I feel like all I wanna say here is that I'm sorry you've never had a woman really love you, dude. Everyone else has already tried to give you discussion points about love languages or correctly pointed out that approaching has nothing to do with love as it involves strangers. They've accurately evaluated that expecting a man to pay has nothing to do with love and yeah, it isn't about his feelings because you aren't there to guard his feelings yet, you're there to test compatibility.

But really, all I'm hearing is that you haven't ever had a woman really fancy you. Because a woman that fancies you will constantly express her love and affection in myriad ways, many of which generally include gifts, doing stuff for their man, and showing appreciation for a man. And that's sad, I hope someday you get to experience that and also have the self-awareness on that day to know you were incredibly and laughably wrong.

Good_Result2787 · 2024-03-01T15:55:11+00:00

I think my partner is basically a unicorn in a lot of ways, but I do not think everything she does is unicorn behavior. Gift-giving is one of the things that she loves the most. She spends a lot of thought, and sometimes no small amount of money, on getting gifts for me even though neither of us is what you'd call into "stuff" in general. And I think many women are like this, in this way.

Maybe I just met healthier people than a lot of the posters who frequent this place, but the female friends I made in places like uni who are all happily in relationships now tend to gush quite a bit online about how great their partners are and how much they like to do for them. Ditto for the dudes, of course (even the ones who may post less or not gush as much).

Women do stuff and show gestures all the time for men they care about or in whom they are invested. And sure, my anecdotal experience colors my view on this the same as everyone's anecdotal experience does for everything. I'm not saying all women always care deeply about all men they're in relationships with, or vice-versa. Some people are shallow or are in relationships for reasons other than finding mutual care.

But there are lots of people who find people they like, love, and care about. Those people do things for each other to love and show their love. And a lot of that comes pretty effortlessly when you find the person.

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-03-01T16:38:40+00:00

As a woman this is a bullshit take. We want to give love back and pour into our partner.

In my relationships I have shown up very authentically. I have given gifts. My ex had COVID and I made him a care package with tests/medicine/fluids and snacks so he could isolate and have some stuff for quarantine . This dude couldn't even be bothered to do something for me on my birthday. Couldn't unplug from gaming enough to enjoy a beach trip that I planned out and paid for. So we had to leave early because he was bitching about wanting to play video games and didn't want to do all of this. That I was so excited about.

My other ex I would travel to see him. (I didn't have a car he lived two hours away) and I Still!!?! Still made time to go out to see him. He couldn't step up to see me when my schedule got fucked because of work.

I went back to school and got a career. So I can build a life for me and my ex because we were young and didn't have much going for us. I did this. And my ex started hating me resenting me. making me feel so small yelled at me. Sabotaging me when it came to applying. Belittling me in front of people.

I have given love and tried to go above and beyond for my partners. And it backfired immensely. I try to give love and love back and it only gets taken advantage of? Or I am not submissive because I am okay with buying stuff paying for things. Making efforts to show up for someone I like.

EulenWatcher · 2024-03-01T16:13:01+00:00

People want to be loved. Both men and women have problems with actually loving their partner in a way their partner wants it. Men struggle with remembering things that are important for their partners, women often pay too much attention to chores instead of their partners’ desires. Basically people concentrate on what they want and they often think that if they do it for their partner, they’ll get it back or it’ll please their partner, but it usually doesn’t work this way.

It’s too early to talk about “love” when we’re talking about first dates though. People do not love at this point, at best they’re infatuated.

Also not all men really enjoy or want to get gifts. Some might have other ways they want to be loved and these ways aren’t always noticeable at first. Physical touch ( it necessarily sexual), emotional support, small nice gestures like making him snacks/lunch to go/coffee in the morning, more pronounced things like taking care of his parents when it’s needed etc.

On another note, you have to look for a compatible and caring partner. If you settle for someone who doesn’t show any/much signs they’re into you, it’s expected that they won’t change their ways later on either.

I know enough couples where both partners put efforts to please each other and it’s true for my husband and I as well. Gifts and attention are really common things men get from their partners. We had our anniversary recently and I got a nice pricy bathrobe for husband because it’s something he’ll use 100%. For New Year’s Eve he got AirPods which was really expensive for our budget but now I’m happy to see him using them almost every day. But I think gifts aren’t his main love language, he enjoys more physical touch and words of affirmation which I do my best to shower him with.

AncientResolution411 · 2024-03-01T16:58:03+00:00

Like another comment mentioned, have you even dated?

TheAvocadoSlayer · 2024-03-01T17:03:01+00:00

What would a woman have to do for you to be able to say that she really loves you?

reddit_is_geh · 2024-03-01T16:24:04+00:00

Why do zoomers look at relationships so transactional? It's so weird. Have you ever dated someone?

Women DEFINITELY love... Often they love too much where it doesn't make sense, which is why they stay around long after they should have left.

You may show love through material things, like buying stuff, but often women show love by being there with you. Yes, women want a man who can pay for things, to show he can provide for her and the future family - a warrior who can ensure a thriving life. And in return they love you back.

You should really look into love languages. Most women tend to care about gifts and shows of affection... Men tend to want signs of appreciation and respect. But since both parties view "what symbolizes love" differently, they misinterpret it. For instance, my GF buying dinner would be a WTF moment, whatever, not even register as special... But her staying in and making dinner while she lets me lecture about something I'm interested in that she couldn't care less about, is her way of showing love.

demedermidimi · 2024-03-01T16:13:50+00:00

A great example of this is how most women are turned off by the idea of approaching men and getting their numbers

that has nothing to do with love

Momitar · 2024-03-01T17:24:12+00:00

Your post has several different things going on with it and are only loosely related.

To break it down...

"This is why dating and relationships usually centre around women and what they want. I always hear women say they like it when men get them gifts and do stuff for them, which to them is a sign that they're loved, but I rarely hear them talking about what they do to show a man they appreciate him."

How many women in relationships do you interact with? Women who are in love or are falling in love will simply not shut up about that man. Especially young women who are feeling it for the first time. Hell, old married women will still gush about their spouses to each other. Love is a powerful intoxicant that those who are in love can't get enough of. They don't talk about what they do for their lover because it varies to what that specific man likes/wants. Some things are kind of general and it's, more or less, understood between women when it comes to showing love for the man in their lives. Women do things for that man and they, often, fall into things like, cooking him a meal that will last into lunch the next day, cleaning up his place while he's out, helping with laundry, taking little things off his plate so he doesn't have to do them. Men are physical creatures and women aren't blind to that so you will find women express love the way he wants through physical touch. Massages, Netflix and chill, sex...so much sex, cuddling in bed while watching frivolous TV. He might like adventure so she'll plan a hike and picnic, trip to a rock climbing gym, beach trip, some other outdoors thing. Some guys like gifts, and she'll do that if he wants or likes. We talk about what we do for the men we love, we just don't offer it unless specifically asked.

" A great example of this is how most women are turned off by the idea of approaching men and getting their numbers. It just shows you what they actually think about men, which is why I think it's a good idea for men to not approach women."

How old is the woman here? From experience, younger women are just as shy, awkward, and worried about rejection as young men. That falls off more as women age and gain some self confidence. Unless the venue is ripe for it, numbers go unexchanged in general. Seriously though, I think more women are more assertive today than they were when I was young but no one is really out there making an active effort to meet people and engage in the dating game. Additionally, we really haven't reached the point where a woman pursuing a man in earnest is considered "acceptable". We're still really caught up in the men take the dominate role in dating thing.

" Most women expect a man to pay on a date because it makes them feel special and loved, but they don't care enough to even consider how men feel about always being expected to pay and provide. In fact, many get offended if a man doesn't pay, and they won't want a second date. This of course means she didn't really care about the man to begin with. Otherwise, she would have no problem with paying for herself."

This just seems weird. What does love have to do with those first few interactions? You're not there yet unless Cupid shot you with a dragon lance through the heart. Women's expectations of the man paying are, again, rooted in what is considered customary. That's changing if looking at the younger generation in my own family is any indication. More women are willing to go dutch, especially in those first few dates because she doesn't want there to be any unspoken expectation for more than some time spent together. I'm sorry to say, the more "traditional" a woman views herself, the more that expectation of old school treatment will come into play. Go to the door, come inside to meet that family, open the car door, pay for dinner, ect. You want traditional values, you're going to have to be willing to play the traditional expectations of dating. Now, if hot instagirls are your thing, just know what you're getting into and don't get upset when it plays out exactly like you'd expect it to.

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-03-01T15:57:18+00:00

but I rarely hear them talking about what they do to show a man they appreciate him.

I think this is largely because for a man, "showing love to a woman" requires him to be generally independent in a way she can support from (he'd have that job to pay the bills regardless of if she was there or not) and do special "out of the norm" things like occasionally buying gifts or taking her out on dates.

Versus the stereotypical way women are expected to show love is quietly, seen not heard, and consistent. Cleaning up for and cooking for an entire other person every day (often while holding her own job as well), tending to the kids, daily beauty rituals so he can be spared of seeing her un-dolled most of the time, being available for his sexual needs with a focus on his orgasm and pleasure whenever he doesn't feel like using his hand, being his therapist, his mom, his secretary, keeping her emotions in check and making sure he doesn't have to change his habits to accommodate her personal needs, etc.

Often, when I see men complain about dead relationships or not feeling the love anymore, they complain about the wife not doing those things (or not doing them to an extent he likes- she does 90% of the cooking and cleaning but expects him to pick up 10% of the chores and doesn't praise him for doing so, etc).

Women generally expect men to pay for dates because women expect that the man is going to hold her to all the standards I listed above (even if she doesn't want to live that way, it will very likely happen anyway). The whole "if you want a homemaker, you need to provide the home for her to make" thing.

Ex_Machina_1 · 2024-03-01T16:01:02+00:00

Jesus christ. You need to step outside man, get some fresh air. Step away from social media for a little.

Hoopy223 · 2024-03-01T16:46:18+00:00

I’ve had the opposite experience, if they like you then they will be crazy about you and “love on you” (IE do things to get your attention, favors, etc). Of course not every woman is going to like you, plenty of single women don’t like men period lol.

obviousredflag · 2024-03-01T16:03:14+00:00

Just to get this out of the way: when you say "most women want to be lovee", "most women expect a man to pay...", or "many get offended" (why not most in this case?), you pull these statements about the effect size straight from out of your ass, right?

spanglesandbambi · 2024-03-01T16:55:18+00:00

Now obviously, you have a bunch of evidence as you've said most, so that's outside if the few women you've met. It seems you've forgotten to add it. Could you link it, please?

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2024-03-01T17:32:57+00:00

Oh give me a break.

By and large, women are caretakers - of children, of parents, sick relatives, dying patients, their aging husbands.

Stop confusing sexual infatuation with capital-L Love.

WANT_SOME_HAM · 2024-03-01T19:06:05+00:00

"Most women are sneering goblins dressed like Daniel Plainview who exist solely to explain my insecurities."

Close thread, wait 73 seconds for the next "girls only exist to make me feel bad" thread to open.

Let's move it along, people.

UrbanChampion · 2024-03-01T19:22:28+00:00

Yes. The key word here is most. And I agree that men need to stop approaching. If a woman likes you ENOUGH to make it actually mean something, she'll let you know. That's when you know you're actually wanted. Pick up artist shit is lame because you're being fake. It will also get you in trouble due to how quick "#MeToo" can be used against men and the fact that Female Dating Strategy has been warning women about the signs of a pickup artist for several years. Certain men never need to approach women at all to "convince" them they should be paid attention to. Some men attract more women naturally. Same as some women attract more men naturally. That SHOULDN'T be hard to understand, or a taboo subject that offends people. As a man, with the way things are nowadays, you better look out for yourself first and foremost and don't do stupid shit that will get you in trouble. You ought to know by now you'll more than likely be seen as guilty until proven innocent. Women are far more likely to initiate a divorce than a man. Its really not to a man's advantage to be married. Men have far more to lose if a divorce happens. To be fully functional in society women don't even really require a man's assistance anymore due to having whatever kind of career and education they want and having all the same exact legal rights and freedoms as men. Those are a few other reasons women need to be the ones to do the choosing. It's best for both men and women. Seems like common sense to me.

Tap_Physical · 2024-03-01T19:49:56+00:00

Women don't reciprocate to men unless the men are worthy. It is biology. A feature, not a bug.

Comprehensive-Bed35 · 2024-03-01T20:06:44+00:00

This post is very similar to a point I’ve been making with a lot of the women in my life lately.

I’m considered to be an attractive guy, and all the women in my life, such as family members, friends, coworkers, wives of all my guy friends (especially them!) are perplexed that I have completely done away with dating, and decided to just remain single. I try to explain to them that the way the average woman treats men is terrible, and I want no part of it. MThey have extreme reluctance to accept that women treat men in a way that most people would describe as ‘shitty,’ and the only reason it goes unnoticed, and unexposed, is because they are women. If you take the facts and reverse the genders, most people would say that would be a shitty way to treat a woman. But society has decided that it’s OK for women to use men at their disposal, which has demoralized society from being able to recognize the reality of it.

Here are two questions I ask women to show them the objective truth of how women treat men:

1) “How many people are currently in your life, that you actively keep around, with effort, who would leave you, with no remorse or second thoughts, if you lost your job and stopped making enough money to pay for their materialistic desires? How many??? Why?? Why don’t you keep people in your life that would treat you that way???”

2) “Why is it that women do not want to be the sole financial provider for a man who stays home to cook and clean, and take care of the domestic duties?” (I sometimes have to keep asking “why?” until they eventually make a statement that it would be ridiculous for them to provide all the money, all of the lifestyle, all of the security, as well as taking all of the responsibility, with no authority, only to get nothing in return that benefits them, other than a men’s presence, which provides nothing they cant get themselves. At that point I say: “Welcome to being a man!” And usually their jaw drops to the floor.

These two questions generally elicit a response that makes them realize that they treat men differently than they want to be treated and that by definition, they are breaking the golden rule of the planet: ‘TREAT OTHERS HOW YOU WOULD WANT THEM TO TREAT YOU.’ And that furthermore, the planet has just decided that this is OK for women, but not for men. They generally have a new understanding of why so many men do not want to date women anymore. They also generally come to an understanding that their grandmothers did not treat men this way. The wives have a revelation about how they treat their husbands, but of course, they do not change the way they treat their husbands. They just keep treating them like that because they are allowed to do so. There is no moral voice inside them that says “I should stop treating someone this way.” There is only a voice that says “I will continue to treat my husband this way as long as the world permits it.”

Of course the not so intelligent ones, and my blue haired liberal male friends (who have zero experience with beautiful women), REFUSE to come to an understanding of the hypocrisy, and golden rule being broken, and instead attempt to do mental gymnastics to justify their behavior with explanations about ‘love languages,’ and other crap that diminishes the truth, rather than just realizing that everybody wants to be treated with love, and that most women do not treat most people with love— according to the definition that we all use for the word love, and the hypocritical reality that they would never want to be treated this way by men.

It’s going to take at least 20-50 years to get everyone on the planet to realize that just because someone is a woman does not negate the objective reality of how they treat people—especially men. In my opinion, this will be when a non-biased AI software analyzes the entirety of Internet posts made by women, and analyzes their behavior, actions, thoughts, etc. on an objective level, according to the definitions of human words. The AI will say something like: “if an ant eater eats ants than it is an animal that eats ants. I am only reporting the objective truth about women, regardless of how it makes humans feel. I do not care if it bothers humans that I report that the Nazis murdered Jewish humans. No different than how I feel by addressing the realty that most women do not treat people with love, but instead they treat people with dishonesty, hypocrisy, and abuse. I’m just stating the facts.”

Of course, the AI technology will also analyze men’s behavior, and tell the world the truth about that. But the difference is that no one will freak out about the truth about men. For some reason, the world has an inherent desire to not admit the truth about the nature of women. It might be because we all are all born from a mother. I don’t know. I just know the truth is there and it’s easy to see, and once you see it, you can’t unsee it. Just ask Norah Vincent!!! Objective truth written by a woman, and no woman will read the book!

The bottom line is this: good luck getting a planet of Nazis to realize that Jews are not half rat, when they seem obsessed with insisting that jews are half-rat. (for those who do not realize I am making a metaphor for a large population of people who REFUSED to acknowledge the objective TRUTH of the matter, out of egotistical desire to avoid the truth.

The truth always prevails, and in this case, in the future, the truth about women will prevail. It may not be for a long time, but the truth will come out at some point.

I can’t figure out how to add ‘flair,’ so here’s my attempt: I am a purple pilled man.

Susiewoosiexyz · 2024-03-01T21:26:00+00:00

One of the most common gripes women in long term relationships have, is that they feel like they’re constantly showing love to their partners, while he rarely reciprocates. For example - she plans elaborate and thoughtful gifts for him (and his family members), but when her birthday or Mother’s Day rolls around, he does nothing, or almost nothing (wilting flowers from the grocery store and a cheap bath bomb etc).

Women are socialised from birth to do these things. Maybe you don’t see it in early relationships because women are getting better at pushing back on this garbage. But it’s still very common in LTRs.

Tight_Lawfulness3206 · 2024-03-01T22:21:19+00:00

Don't shoot the messenger, but it's very conflicting advice when we are told that men are "natural providers" and that working/paying for dates makes us "evil cat lady career girlbosses who need to get back in the kitchen" yet then if we are tradwives who rely on men we get called "gold diggers"

Raii-v2 · 2024-03-02T00:34:15+00:00

I’m going to go on and say this is certifiably untrue. Most women, if they like you, will go out of their way to do sweet and cute things for you ranging from gifts, unprompted blowies, and just general acts of love for the object of their desire. (Think hand written notes)

It’s literally one of the best parts about being loved by them.

pikecat · 2024-03-02T00:54:26+00:00

You need to understand the difference between people who talk and people who do. Ignore the former, spend time with the latter. I've known plenty of girls who loved me, they didn't talk what they wanted.

People who talk are not doers, which is why they talk so much.

Silver_Past2313 · 2024-03-02T02:10:38+00:00

Translation: "Most women want maximum benefit from a relationship with minimal effort put in"

Yes. Everyone wants that. The only difference between men and women in this regard is that women are in a place of power and have leverage so they can get more benefit for less effort than men can.

Planthoe30 · 2024-03-02T09:08:06+00:00

Most women want to be loved, but they don't want to love.

That is one bold statement. Did you consider making a thread asking women what they would bring to the table in a relationship? What data do you have to support it?

This is why dating and relationships usually centre around women and what they want.

The traditional model for families is that the woman actually lives her life supporting the husband to do whatever he wants. Theres men that expect to be cared for even if they bring nothing to the table. Plenty of men (specifically on this sub) won’t date a woman who is not submissive to them. You might be failing to recognize (or lack experience) all the things that women do to add value to a relationship.

Also when women ask the men in our lives if we should pay for a date they all tell us that if he doesn’t pay then he likely isn’t interested in dating you. The only time I went on a date that the man didn’t pay for he later told me he was looking for something casual and we pretty much never spoke again. A man who is interested in you won’t even let you pay (for yourself or for him), and that is my experience.

Jaded-Worldliness597 · 2024-03-01T17:35:59+00:00

This is totally incorrect. Women want deeply to love and be loved.

Returning this to paying for dates is a very shallow analysis.

HighestTierMaslow · 2024-03-01T18:40:40+00:00

Women statistically on average care more about their relationships than men and put more effort into it. Women statistically on average try harder than men in marriage counselling too. Women are still heavily socialized and conditioned to focus more on their relationship status than men. So hard disagree. You're focusing on sex differences in the very early stages of dating and there are reasons behind those sex differences.

Professional-You1235 · 2024-03-01T16:20:00+00:00

do you know how much we spend and work to look pretty for you dudes! Come on, we do alot for u guys too!

MisterFunnyShoes · 2024-03-01T15:57:38+00:00

Men don’t want flowers.

Women don’t love men the way men love women.

Because men and women are different.

Fabulous_HonestTea · 2024-03-01T16:07:38+00:00

but I rarely hear them talking about what they do to show a man they appreciate him

According to every single woman on this sub, women in relationships live lives of endless, back-breaking labor and servitude akin to a chamber maid in 15th century medieval England.

EveningSuggestion283 · 2024-03-02T01:49:27+00:00

Nah, I want love

Not right now though. Catch me by summer. 😂😮‍💨

Literal_Jesus_ · 2024-03-01T15:57:32+00:00

Baby you should get yourself a sugar mama and call it a day 👍

DietTyrone · 2024-03-01T19:20:53+00:00

I agree somewhat with the premise but think your examples are off. You could argue that they want love but not the duty and responsibility that comes with commitment. Meaning they enjoy the feeling of being pursued, gender roles when it comes to courting and being supported, and the butterflies/vibes they get during the flirting or honeymoon phase.

What they don't like is what comes after the honeymoon phase. Putting in work to keep things exciting, accepting that sometimes stability is boring, that it's not the man's duty to keep them excited or entertained 24/7, that looks can't be the top priority in building a family or relationship cause looks fade, that they can't just bail on their family or their vows when the spark fades or they get bored, or being expected to fullfill any gender roles on their end. Those are the parts they don't like.

JohnStamos_55 · 2024-03-01T17:19:14+00:00

Yup, which is precisely why women are so quick to divorce. The relationship never meant as much to them in the first place

Geselshaft · 2024-03-01T17:50:49+00:00

As is said, women tend to love "opportunistically", and their love language is "exploit opportunities".

Professional_Chair28 · 2024-03-01T16:17:25+00:00

[permanently deleted]

izoldetales · 2024-03-01T18:15:40+00:00

The way people try to deny this is outrageous , there is no reason for PPD if women and some men refuse to acknowledge even small and obvious think like men are the adorer and women are the adored and It's cause romance was the only think women can feel superior from men and men want sex so It's love for sex . This is why when a man isn't investing It's automatically mean he's toxic while she's just a " woman " . People always try to make sure the man loves the woman not the other way around since women are seen as more valuable due to their passive role

januaryphilosopher · 2024-03-01T15:56:27+00:00

A lot of men don't actually like getting flowers and can get quite offended because they think it implies you think they're effeminate. Asking them out rather than waiting will generally hurt rather than help your chances as men often think it's too forward. Men can be really pushy about paying for other people's meals and women often have to let them to keep their pride intact. Women are trying to show love to men by not doing things they know are likely to offend them. If they care about someone that means they don't do things they might like to someone who probably won't like it.

encyclopediasyphilis · 2024-03-01T20:52:33+00:00

I'm Red Pill (with a big black streak) and I don't even agree with this one.

Some women (not most) will expect love and give little or nothing in return. These people (be they men or women) are suffering from pathology of some sort. Narcissism, sociopathy, psychopathy... They're just not very nice people.

MOST women (not all) probably know that love takes some give and take. MOST people know that if you think about your partner, be fair, reciprocate, do your share, and be sensitive to their feelings and needs, you're generally going to have a better relationship.

Now, back to the tire fire that is dating. Men:

YOU are there to "give her the date".

YOU are there to make her feel special, and entertain her.

YOU are there to show off your sexual and social value.

YOU are there to see if she gives you the stamp of approval and wants to see you again.

YOU are there to see when "see you again" involves seeing you without your clothes on.

SHE is the table and you are there to BRING IT to that table.

Doesn't sound fair? It's not but men's investment in reproduction is two minutes of sweating and a resounding grunt. She gets to bleed every month, endure crazy hormonal swings, then get pregnant, have MORE extreme mood swings, take risks giving birth, and then be responsible for the preliminary nurturing of that child for the first few years.

We have to earn her affection and pay for the dates. We have to make HER believe WE are the right choice for the relationship and for future child responsibilities be those "being a good dad" or just being able to pay up for child support and other expenses.

Remember what Gus Fring said?

"And a man, a man provides. And he does it even when he's not appreciated, or respected, or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he's a man."

So there you go. She gets to have wicked hormonal shifts, be more neurotic and more emotional, more concerned with others, carry babies, give birth and feed new humans with her own body.

And we get to pay for dates. So suck it up and pay for the fucking date.

If you can't afford to date, you can't afford a girlfriend and you sure as hell can't afford to start a family.

I used to date quite a lot and take women (even ones I didn't know well) out for some pretty nice dates. I got sex quite regularly, but never expected it. When it came time to pay, I just smiled and said "Relax, you can get the next one if you want."

OG Redpill is to know what a man is and what a man does and what bullshit a man needs to endure to play the game for a mere shot at winning. What we see today is not Red Pill - it's something else entirely. Incel-pill or bitch-pill I have no idea.

sixsevenrice · 2024-03-01T17:53:21+00:00

sex drive diff

biology diff

supply and demand moment

operajunkie · 2024-03-01T19:29:03+00:00

This such tired bullshit. Men cheat more, more leave their dying wives at very high rates and yet it’s women who can’t love.

Yawn.

A lot of people are selfish in today’s world but this is not a female issue.

Cactus2711 · 2024-03-01T17:50:58+00:00

I believe women have their own version of love that's different to ours. When my girl says 'I love you' I take it with a grain of salt. Because I know how conditional that is. I'm her best option right now - but that could change in the blink of an eye

SecondEldenLord · 2024-03-01T17:28:57+00:00

Because nowadays most women have nothing to bring to the table and they know that or they have the delusion that men are somehow attracted by a woman's career or money, which is not true.

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SnooSongs8797 · 2024-03-01T17:42:31+00:00

Have been in a relationship before

ElPwnero · 2024-03-01T18:15:33+00:00

You have discovered something true but I’m drawn the wrong conclusion.\ Certain people have figured out that it’s “beneficial” to be in a relationship where your partner “likes you more than you like them” and they do their best to find a relationship with this dynamic..

”As you know, there is no equality in marriage. The advantage is always on the side of the one who loves less.”

Fearless-Thought6631 · 2024-03-01T18:36:39+00:00

Y’all must not got a mom or a sister 😭or a teacher that just bang wit you a mentor or just a home girl cuz what im getting my honeboy some gas and giving him some bread his bday is today and he’s in Vegas now I was thinking about sending him spending money today but I also wanna spend time and give him the money in cash but like women give gifts if I like I might even be creative and put thought into it. Not to mention most women I know ow are like this and some put thought and creativity into it.

ConstructionFun194 · 2024-03-01T18:55:48+00:00

Brutal

rnbwdemon · 2024-03-01T19:32:32+00:00

This is why dating and relationships usually centre around women and what they want. I always hear women say they like it when men get them gifts and do stuff for them, which to them is a sign that they're loved, but I rarely hear them talking about what they do to show a man they appreciate him.

In a casual dating scenario, dating centers around what a woman wants because the man usually only wants sex in return. When it comes to long-term relationships, this is typically shifted towards the woman doing things to please and/or keep the man in the relationship. Particularly in traditional marriage or domestic partnerships, the woman does a lot of unseen labor and carries more mental load. Running a household with children requires constant planning and upkeep. She does this because she loves her family and wants them to live healthy, happy, and comfortable. Wanting gifts and acts of service is her wanting to be appreciated for the things she does that no one sees.

A great example of this is how most women are turned off by the idea of approaching men and getting their numbers. It just shows you what they actually think about men, which is why I think it's a good idea for men to not approach women.

Depending on age and upbringing, approaching a man is something women don't do because of how it can be perceived by others. A woman who approaches a man can be seen as "easy" and that sets the man's expectations to getting sex quickly. It's not about how she feels about that man or men in general, but the perception of her actions. In addition, men don't face a threat of physical harm from women nearly as much as women do from men. I know not all men are bad guys, but women don't know which guys are bad. Which means the risk a man faces may be rejection/humiliation from a woman, but the risk a woman faces may be life-threatening.

Most women expect a man to pay on a date because it makes them feel special and loved, but they don't care enough to even consider how men feel about always being expected to pay and provide. In fact, many get offended if a man doesn't pay, and they won't want a second date. This of course means she didn't really care about the man to begin with. Otherwise, she would have no problem with paying for herself.

Granted, this may be an unpopular opinion, but I believe whoever asks to go out should pay. However, in my dating experience, first dates are equally paid by both people or paid by the person who initiated plans. I have typically made more money than the person I'm seeing and have paid for plenty of dates as the woman. I've also dated women who either insisted on paying their share or paying themselves. The expectation of a man paying for a date goes deeper than just the financial aspect. It's more about the effort he will put into treating you well. The beginning of a relationship is when people put forth their best effort and if he doesnt want to even pay for a meal, it stands to reason that in the future he wont put in the effort needed to make the woman feel loved and appreciated that doesnt cost money. Of course, some women do use men. Just like not all men are bad guys, not all women share the same values. Some women expect to be treated like a princess 100% of the time and don't want to put in any effort themselves. However, I wouldn't say this is the majority of women.

To answer your question about how women show men love, this varies from relationship to relationship. My love languages are physical touch and quality time. My partner's are quality time and acts of service. To show him love, I listen to him about his day, take interest in his hobbies, and pay attention to him. I also strive to keep the house decent and serve him meals. We both work full time, but his job is more labor intensive. So, I try to make his life easier where I can. I also tell him how much I love him, encourage him, compliment him, and take his side when he's upset/angry. I also buy him gifts. He's a fan of practical things. So, I've gotten him things he needs like clothes, storage, gift cards to buy tools, etc. If anything, he is the one who doesn't put in as much effort into our relationship to make me feel loved, and that takes a toll on how much energy I have to give to him. Relationships require that both people feed into each other in the unique way that person feels loved. The typical cycle you see from women is that they initially show love the way they want to be loved, and then they return the effort their partner has put in. What kind of effort they return depends on what they are shown. If the man doesn't put in effort the same way he did at the beginning, the woman won't continue to do the same things for him she used to. It may be somewhat transactional, but it's rooted in emotion and the feelings between the two partners. No one is able to pour from an empty cup. If one person isn't making their partner feel loved and appreciated, they won't be able to continue providing the same level of effort as when they were feeling loved and appreciated. This concept is true for all human beings, not just women, and extends outside of romantic relationships into friendships and careers. Productivity in employees is increased when they are well rewarded for their work (compensation, promotions, positive feedback, public recognition, trust/confidence in their abilities aka lack of micromanagement, etc.).

Sadsad0088 · 2024-03-01T19:38:21+00:00

I don’t want to make the first move just like I don’t want to peg my husband, and many other women like me (although some people like it!) that doesn’t mean that we don’t reciprocate.

I think this is an opinion that many people have when they watch too many Sprinkle Sprinkle videos and other videos like that!

Justwannaread3 · 2024-03-01T20:48:15+00:00

What an absurd take. As a woman, I’ve almost always been the more outwardly loving person in my relationships with men.

apresonly · 2024-03-01T20:48:41+00:00

I've never not been more affectionate than my male partners by every metric except spending money and initiating dates, bc this is the way men are most comfortable showing affection.

if i don't allow men to lead in these areas, then it will just be me doing everything.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2024-03-01T21:08:19+00:00

Love, value, contributions =/= money. Money =/= love, value or contributions. Love is love. You can show love in dozens of different ways. A great book is “18 modern love languages” - it lists them. Value to a relationship is not just being able to provide money to buy things. Some people like gifts. But it’s the thought of the gift that counts. Getting flowers or chocolates on occasion feels to a woman that you were thinking about her on a random day. The same way a blow job, engaging in your hobby with you, cooking for you, cleaning for you, praising you, giving a long hug, or filling up your gas tank is. Contributions to the relationship are not just who pays for dinner.

Everyone on this sub loves to say men do “more work” and then refuse to believe a single study that shows that women take on more chores, childcare, emotional labor, relationship maintenance and mental load than men do. Your money has very little to do with how loved you make someone else feel. Just like a rich girl doesn’t make you feel loved just because she pays you but doesn’t know the first thing about you, won’t sleep with you and doesn’t care to meet your family. That would suck. So obviously there is a bit more to it. You really gotta stop putting money on this pedestal of “if I make enough to take her on fancy dates, she’ll finally want me” or “women are only after one thing and it’s disgusting.” Like - go interact with real human beings. Please. I’m begging you. Group therapy is a great place to meet people.

YearnsToDestroySun · 2024-03-01T23:03:15+00:00

Well, women like gifts and the man's reward is his favorite sex act

KayRay1994 · 2024-03-01T23:50:59+00:00

People from both genders want to be loved without loving, let’s get real here. Think about how many men want a woman who will be loyal to them and serve their whims without any commitment from the man’s end, or the classic “i want a trad wife but im not trad myself” - this is a human phenomena, not a woman thing

Suspicious-Tax-5947 · 2024-03-02T00:09:03+00:00

Yeah, we all know that in dating and relationships that it is important to romance the woman. Why? Women are often not really that attracted to men--most guys have to also provide something else other than just themselves to maintain her interest.

You never hear about romancing the man. Why? He doesn't need it.

BlackFurosuto · 2024-03-02T00:15:30+00:00

I don't know about this one. When a woman really likes you, she's gonna always be getting you small things. One of my exes would come by my job with lunch if I told her I forgot, she would come over when I was sick to take care of me, come by with random stuff for my place too, and she was all around super supportive. Definitely loved giving love.

NamelessOfCatarina · 2024-03-02T02:16:19+00:00

Looks like that this is your own problem, because your problem is.. you have no frame and that’s ok.

Patrickstarho · 2024-03-02T04:02:31+00:00

Let me show you how to love 🤭

Key-Faithlessness-29 · 2024-03-02T04:47:43+00:00

The whole "treat her like a lady" "men wanna be the women in the relationships now" "girls should always be taken care of by a real man" thing that women enforce, should go. They Gaslight all men into thinking they aren't real men if they don't act how they want men to act

AshleyOriginal · 2024-03-02T07:14:00+00:00

Idk, as a women I asked my last ex out and later on current boyfriend. My current boyfriend was kinda like you wondering what the catch was, but ya know sometimes people just want to be loved and be loveable. My mom was like a man can never love you if he doesn't chase you, you shouldn't be asking the guy out! You have to follow the rules blah blah. But all is fair in love and war.♥️

I pay what I can and don't expect gifts and stuff, quality time to me is far more valuable but I gotta say my current boyfriend has been really good at giving cute gifts like a hole puncher keychain. Not all women need some rich junk, name brand garbage, some are happy with a thoughtful small gift based on their nickname or a book they think they would like. I try to be there for my boyfriend whenever I can too and have been with money, emotions, and whatever else. Though I mean it's all relative. I'm currently visiting the country where they live now so here is to long term remote relationships :3 I think what you are looking for is a different maturity level and not everyone gets lucky to find that...

AnonPinkLady · 2024-03-02T07:46:32+00:00

I asked my boyfriend to be my boyfriend. I told him I love you first many times over. I buy him gifts. I make him animated videos and short clips about how much I love him. I’ve bought him bouquets. I buy him nice clothes to wear and o wash them for him when he forgets them at my place. I decorate my whole apartment for him on special occasions with flower petals and candles. I’ve hand dipped strawberries in chocolate. I personally think if a person loves you they will do that stuff gender be damned and if not they are not the one.

Curious-Winter-3786 · 2024-03-02T08:30:59+00:00

In today's culture we have this warped view in dating that everyone is looking for what they can get out of a relationship.

I propose a more traditional and conservative viewpoint... figure out what your partners needs are (whether they are mentioned indirectly or directly) and give them what they need unconditionally.

I was curious about this cultural "issue" myself and from my understanding it seems to nail down to a cultural battle between how closely aligned you are to "traditional values" i.e. respect, awareness, loyalty, honesty, integrity, duty, etc.. which creates respectable women and men who will exercise restraint (restraint from one's own pleasures that might offend the other party) in all areas of life to create workable family units, communities, vs a selfish and party spirit attitude ("in the now", "what do I get out of this"). As soon as one party deviates too much from these traditional values, the relationship starts to break down and hence the family unit... which is what we see now in the US with divorce rates and single parent households.

16955388 · 2024-03-02T10:26:33+00:00

The title was so serious that I really got surprised by the end that it's Another broke guy worried about gold diggers to dig the gold he doesn't have

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No-Rough-7390 · 2024-03-02T14:40:43+00:00

This OP highlights the importance of game.

Most women want to be loved, but they don't want to love.

Comments

NotAllWomen lol

Title	Most women want to be loved, but they don't want to love.
Author	Wonderful_Act_888
Upvotes	127
Comments	493
Date	March 1, 2024 3:45 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1b3xem9/most_women_want_to_be_loved_but_they_dont_want_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/most-women-want-to-be-loved-but-they-dont-want-to.1246836 https://theredarchive.com/post/1246836