Saying that unlike men women today are "happier single" is very disingenuous

Creation_Soul · 2023-06-19T14:43:58+00:00

i think everyone wants a good relationship. How I understand it is that the list of priorities is this:

men: good relationship > bad relationship > single
women: good relationship > single > bad relationship

Basically, men are more likely to see a bad relationship a better than single, while women are reversed on this.

Proof-Ad-9605 · 2023-06-19T14:40:52+00:00

Women who are "seeking" peace are still hooking up with men, have multiple fwb, and multiple men on their "potential" roster trying to get with them that they know they can get with. "Peace" for them means peace of mind knowing they have options, and then choosing not to have a long term bf.

Women define "single" very different from men.

SiotRucks · 2023-06-19T17:19:00+00:00

When my female friends complain how terribly lonely they are because their boyfriend is visiting his parents for 3 days...

bluestjuice · 2023-06-19T19:02:25+00:00

What you describe is not incorrect. However, I don’t perceive that when people say that women are happier single they are trying to draw an equivalence between happy single women and unhappy single men, as you suggest. This comes up in conversations where the happiness of single vs. partnered women is under discussion.

There seems to be an underlying implication that the nonequivalence here is unfair? Which… yes, sure, it is. It doesn’t seem to be actionable in any way, really. Hot men are also presumably happier single than average men. Pointing it out is fine I guess, but what are you suggesting be done about it?

Affectionate_Pen_623 · 2023-06-19T15:32:10+00:00

People kinda overrate women's access to "cute guy". I'm a very good looking guy (with severe sex addiction) and even I had certain levels of physical looks that I wouldn't reduce myself to. A lot of "Chads" aren't fucking as many if these "ugly" women as u think.

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-06-19T14:23:51+00:00

I'm happily single. It has taken me many years to get there however but it's liberating now that I am.

platinirisms · 2023-06-19T15:36:33+00:00

I mean, women aren’t happier single, that’s just a fact. We have plenty of evidence from studies that supports that argument.

The one and only ‘evidence’ we have that tried to prove women are happier single, has been proven wrong as the author misinterpreted the data.

Edit: Women are happier married, Evidence 1, Evidence 2, Evidence 3

The famous ‘Women are happier single’ study that was actually misunderstood by the researcher.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-06-19T16:23:34+00:00

Nope you’re missing the point. The women who say they’re happier single aren’t saying they’re happier in comparison to men who are single. They’re saying they’re happier to be single than to be in a shitty relationship

KayRay1994 · 2023-06-19T14:30:48+00:00

so its disingenuous because….. men are thirstier?

mlo9109 · 2023-06-19T14:36:46+00:00

IDK, as a single woman, the thing that makes me happy about being single is not having to care for anyone or anything but myself, especially in the current chaotic world (COVID, economy, etc.)

The pandemic shined a light on the fact that we're not as advanced as we think we are as a society. Even among my more progressive friends, Mom was the default parent 90% of the time.

Along with working full time, these moms did all the housework and childcare. Dad barely lifted a finger and was praised when he did. He also called parenting his own damn kid "babysitting."

I really do want to find my person but after seeing this dynamic among many of my married friends, I have no desire to parent a man baby who can't even wipe his own ass or boil himself an egg.

throwaway651109 · 2023-06-19T17:32:51+00:00

For me, once I learned that being in a relationship may result in unhappiness, suddenly being single is not that bad if your quality of life is higher than being in a relationship. Sure it could be better if you have a good relationship. But why would I trade a higher quality of life to a lower one just to be in a relationship. It does not make any sense.

BirdLawOnly · 2023-06-19T19:03:04+00:00

I'd say this is true. I'm 31f, recently divorced, and have a guy coming over tomorrow simply because he wants to go down on me and nothing more. Never been happer to wake up, go about my life on my own terms, and bring a guy over when I feel like it and have him leave afterwards so I can get back to my life. Will it get old? Maybe, but after 8 years and a relationship that increased in shittiness until it could no longer be reconciled, I'm now happier than ever.

Rude_Macaron2021 · 2023-06-19T14:51:00+00:00

I think men who always scream they are happy single are like the passport bros that scream they are happy dating foreign women.

Both are trying to make the other gender feel bad.

Women do can deal with being single better because:

Women have options for sex and relationships anyway.
Women use antidepressants as vitamins, which is insane considering they live in tutorial mode and yet they need pills to be happy.
Women are not considered a threat for being single as men are.

Both men and women get status by getting in a relationship, but women do have the privilege of staying out of them if they want and getting into one when they want because men are thirstier for sex.

Women hate men don't commit to them, but they only talk about the few men they want. Still it makes no sense for women to want commitment... they can get sex, love, etc. without commitment. Women don't need men to survive directly (they still need them as a class) so commitment makes no sense for women who can get what they want anyway, and it is actually detrimental for men to restrict them to someone who can leave at any point and find dick elsewhere anyway.

karspearhollow · 2023-06-20T02:04:54+00:00

To put things into perspective: a 'happily single' woman is like that trust fund kid 'finding himself' by traveling the world and living among poors as a 'wandering bohemian'. But unlike the hobos he encounters along the way he is at peace of mind knowing he can step-out of this life at any given moment, for the trust fundie that way of life is a choice, for the poor it's a matter of of reality and circumstance.

Damn if this aint a hilariously accurate analogy.

Zombombaby · 2023-06-19T15:11:37+00:00

I get the appeal of being single for women. I grew up with the fundamentalist Christian dad who believed in assigned gender roles and I was fucking miserable. The most miserable women I ever met were heavily pressured to fill those roles as adults and encouraged to be a full time parent to their own partners. I had to clean up after my dad constantly and emotionally baby him even as a child. Everything in our lives centred around his beliefs, demands and whimes. It was genuinely exhausting.

I vowed never to push those beliefs onto my own daughter and i married accordingly. I'd rather be single than settle for anything less because I've seen the impact on not only partners but also their children when men expect women to be subservient to them.

coffeecups5 · 2023-06-19T20:53:53+00:00

Haven’t read the responses yet so maybe I’m repeating someone else, but you are sooo wrong.

Your numbered list is assuming the women want the same thing as men: sex/a hookup, which yeah, we can get that anytime.

It’s failing to recognize that women want different things than men. We want an actual relationship with a high-quality person that is NOT BASED ON SEX.

I can go months — years!! — without sex. In fact, I willingly will do so! Casual sex or sex with some loser isn’t worth it to me.

Finding a relationship with a great guy is NOT EASY. You can’t just swipe your way into that.

So, in conclusion, your theory is way off base.

Soloandthewookiee · 2023-06-19T14:48:22+00:00

"I believe men are unable to control themselves, and that's women's fault!"

Head-Jury5846 · 2023-06-19T14:19:18+00:00

Stating the obvious again

Correct-Warthog-9061 · 2023-06-19T14:19:58+00:00

Are men not happy single?

notseizingtheday · 2023-06-19T15:25:23+00:00

We aren't doing no. 1. We have vibrators that do a better job than most men so why would we want casual hookups?

Lolabird2112 · 2023-06-19T14:50:07+00:00

That’s not how the average single guy defines his single state, though. That’s how incels define it. Most guys aren’t incels.

2023-06-19T14:28:01+00:00

When the average guy refers to himself as single, what they usually mean is almost total romantic invisibility and loneliness.

total romantic invisibility and loneliness sound more like a zero experience in romance and sex thing, not an "average single guy" thing

Clementinequeen95 · 2023-06-19T15:00:54+00:00

Women tend to be happier than men when single because we have fulfilling friendships that give us much of what men experience while dating. We discuss all sorts of topics with friends and feel deeply for one another. From my understanding, men’s friendships are often not as deep as women’s and for that I think a lot of men feel lonely or feel like they have no one to discuss things with.

Personally I am so much happier single than I am dating.

redditisverybanhappy · 2023-06-19T16:29:42+00:00

Female privilege.

Antisocialite99 · 2023-06-19T16:55:40+00:00

There's a lot of research showing the happiest elderly people are those withloving kids and grandkids.

LogicalArchon · 2023-06-19T21:07:42+00:00

Being able to easily attract the opposite sex makes being single a whole lot more comfortable. I'm lucky enough to have it almost as good as the average woman and let me tell you, having options is like sweet honey. I used to have it as bad as the average guy too, now I can taste the difference. Women are eating good right now

WearyOutlandishness · 2023-06-19T14:54:29+00:00

If I were a man feeling this way I’d take personal responsibility here to become as desirable as possible. Many women feel this way also.

Summeronmymountain · 2023-06-19T18:56:10+00:00

Women do not prioritize sex the way men do.

I don't want some stranger from a website in my bed.
I don't want to bang my male friends (most of whom are old and married anyway)
I'm not in the market for a relationship. And I don't like any of the men that would be available to me.

Women like me are not even thinking about men. We're happy with our lives and don't need that drama ruining it. Does that make sense?

NocturnalCoder · 2023-06-19T19:55:52+00:00

Go check the dating apps subs. They ain't happier. They just say they are while pondering over why they let the player fuck and ditch them, and why they can't find the guy they desire

ambitiousphuck · 2023-06-19T16:09:50+00:00

Since when are women happier being single than men? I must have missed this but I would have thought this is the opposite

Women tend to chase validation more than men do I would think being single feels worse for them?

DoinIt989 · 2023-06-19T15:14:43+00:00

Women are not a "swipe away from hooking up with a cute guy" unless they are above average themselves. Even if they match with a bunch of cute guys, lots of them are married, or have no game and turn her off when talking.
"Most women could get a FWB with a male friend" is just pure nonsense. You could say the same about men and their female friends
Men know there's women out there who are DTF, the chronicaly single men are whiney babies who are afraid to talk to girls.

Most single men are not chronic incels who are isolated from society. That's a myth that bitter men invent to make them feel like their situation is normal and avoid change.

magiksissclit · 2023-06-19T16:12:44+00:00

"We can do bad all by ourselves" doesn't mean we necessarily prefer single life but that single life is absolutely preferred to bringing in someone to do bad for me. Thus, standards and vetting and boundaries

Ludens0 · 2023-06-19T16:15:48+00:00

Every "happy single" women I know in their 30's are, in reality, desperated for a relationship.

LotBuilder · 2023-06-19T17:52:41+00:00

I think a lot of people overestimate how lonely men are, and how much they really wanna woman. The guys I know that put forward any effort on themselves, and On women end up with women. Those that don’t put forward any effort, don’t really want a woman. Women over 30 are really not that picky, even the pretty ones.

Dstar538888 · 2023-06-19T18:22:09+00:00

If a woman is depressed, her going out and having sex with a bunch of random strangers is not going to cure that depression at all…

KnightsWhoPlayWii · 2023-06-19T15:44:39+00:00

Up until relatively recently, being a single woman was a miserable life. Because - with a few notable exceptions - women couldn’t really earn their own livings, so they either had to marry (whether they liked the guy or not), or they lived as socially scorned “old maids” who existed as burdens on their families. This hasn’t been true for awhile now…but even though socioeconomic factors changed, the social ramifications lingered. Now, we have finally reached the point where women truly DO have a choice…we can have our own jobs and careers, can make our own money, and don’t need to settle for relationships with men we don’t actually like or want in order to support ourselves. So, yeah. Many of us would rather remain single than date or marry men we don’t want. I don’t really see what’s wrong with that.

WebBorn2622 · 2023-06-19T17:48:49+00:00

I don’t think you are seeing the bigger picture.

Married women:

make less money
are less likely to be promoted
have a worse physical health
have a worse mental health
have less resting hours

All of this cumulates in married women being less happy than single women, women requesting divorces more often than men and women choosing to wait longer to re-enter a relationship than men.

Married men on the other hand:

make more money
are more likely to be promoted
have a better physical health
have a better mental health
have more resting hours

This makes men in marriages more happy than single men, men rarely request divorces and men seeking out relationships very quickly after the divorce.

Safinated · 2023-06-19T14:51:55+00:00

I believe what people say; it’s only polite and respectful. Why you calling them liars?

AhsokaSolo · 2023-06-19T15:02:53+00:00

That doesn't make the statement that women are "happier single" disingenuous.

But sure, saying "toxic male entitlement makes it harder for men to handle singlehood [than] women" is disingenuous.

I definitely wouldn't ascribe blame to the observation that many people think seems to be true. Of course I don't know that it actually is true. I don't what the demographics of single older men are, meaning above 20s, but the big issue with single men seems to be with men in their 20s. I know older, single, millennial and gen-x men that are very happy with their conscious choice to remain bachelors. Men that date and dump, travel, have social lives, etc. They're basically living the way a lot of single women by choice are living.

Just-a-Pea · 2023-06-19T16:19:04+00:00

That may apply to good looking women, however many surveys ask older women who wouldn’t be as attractive to their male friends. Those women are happier single (and without sexual partner) than being a live-in maid to a grown child

dyngladfel · 2023-06-19T16:37:01+00:00

Yes, different people have different experiences, thank you for this noble contribution.

Fiestygirl000 · 2023-06-19T22:06:17+00:00

Women don’t crave physical attention compared to men. Women are happier alone than being with an unattractive or mediocre man. Men can’t even fathom that idea

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-06-19T19:05:04+00:00

Women are happier single than men because they have a lower sex drive, and women put in more work and get less back in relationships once the honeymoon phase is over. Men have to put in effort to get women, once they’ve got her the dynamic changes to her performing the emotional labor and social PR for both of them. Most women still prefer to be in good relationships, but may feel a great sense of relief when getting out of a bad or mediocre one. A man may feel a sense of freedom but then he’s staring down having to put in effort again, and the hit to his social life since he put less effort into cultivating that support system.

Mr-You · 2023-06-19T20:00:27+00:00

Lol that is the biggest projection I've ever heard. Talking about OP's title. Don't agree with his post very much.

If that's the case why did every woman I've ever seen try to start a relationship when I wanted to keep it fwb. 2 of them got through that phase. If I didn't prefer being single what's that? Honest truth is men definitely want sex absolutely and someone to hang out with sometimes as well, but have to be pursuaded into a serious relationship. I'd say most men are like this but to be fair there are some that are eager puppies for a relationship. That's cute for some of those men I'm sure but not most.

Ofc this is all just my opinion and firsthand knowledge of myself and of men I've seen.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-06-19T20:01:25+00:00

Women know they are a swipe away from hooking up with a cute guy if they happen to get the 'itch'

So are men if they go on Grindr.

But 'hooking up' is something you still do while single. Single just means either unmarried or not in a formal/long-term relationship usually. Did you have another definition?

Women know they could probably get a fwb arrangement with one of their guy friends if their 'dry spell' becomes unbearable

Not at all, most of my guy friends are seriously dating and we don't have romantic or sexual chemistry just friend chemistry.

Women know there are men out there trying to get together with them, be it casual dating or something more

Not necessarily.

When the average guy refers to himself as single, what they usually mean is almost total romantic invisibility and loneliness.

Single doesn't = lonely automatically, even for men

You are right that social isolation does have negative impact to mental and other health. You are wrong in that it would take romantic or sexual connection to reverse that.

We all (except for the rare happy healthy hermit out there) need social connection throughout our lives to be healthy and fulfilled and happy.

That connection, however does not need to be sexual or romantic in nature.

As long as you have a friend, a parent, a sibling, a confidante, a colleague, a mentor, a mentee that you connect with that need is fulfilled. It doesn't have to be a date or a partner or a spouse. Thinking it is is unhealthy and not supported by anyone who has any respect or credentials in the areas of mental health, physical health, and emotional stability.

L3Kinsey · 2023-06-20T01:26:09+00:00

Single ≠ celibate

geometersbane · 2023-06-19T14:41:26+00:00

To women, happiness is a cocktail of volatile emotions and not how it's universally defined.

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zyex12 · 2023-06-19T14:44:55+00:00

From personal experience in the girls I talk to some need an emotional connection to get into a relationship isn’t that crazy. Instead of just getting into one to do it they actually need to like the person romantically. A lot of guys too can feel similar where hey if they really wanted a relationship sure they could try it however they could also want something real that means more to them which doesn’t come easy to really anyone in finding someone they have a connection with. In this scenario it seems more like your talking about guys who have a lot of trouble in the dating world

JollyRoger66689 · 2023-06-19T17:26:32+00:00

Women tend to value relationships over sex more than men do, I don't see how this is news to anyone.

But yes I think women who can't get a relationship with who they want are happier than the men who can't get women in general. Although women have definitely made it seem like a travesty that they can't find the one they want and get them to commit.

siempreloco31 · 2023-06-19T17:53:46+00:00

I see enough people unhappy and "happy" in singledom that I don't see it endemic to a particular group. A lot of desperation in women offline just as I see desperation in men online.

Shantotto11 · 2023-06-19T18:09:14+00:00

There’s a difference between being more happy and being less unhappy…

LadyofTheGreyPath · 2023-06-19T18:47:32+00:00

I already know I'm dying alone so there's no point in my complaining about being single and I don't suffer from a lack of self-esteem so I see no point in debasing myself just so I can say I'm not alone. Am I happy about the situation? For the most part yes, the part that sucks to me is that I won't always have someone to go hiking with or hunting with or someone to raise livestock with or go paddleboarding with. But oh well, that's life it's not perfect and people who expect perfection tend to suck the joy out of everything.

EntertainerLive926 · 2023-06-19T20:49:06+00:00

Dejavu? I think ive seen this before

KirthWGersen · 2023-06-20T06:52:58+00:00

For most men this is their own fault: they haven't structured their single lives in such a manner as to ensure they get what women get out of the same situation.

Since I started treating women the way that women treat men, my life has got so much better.

I focus on my own improvement. I channel my finances towards me and my children, not my lovers.

I always cultivate options so if my present lover(s) displease me, I can easily move on without my sex life taking a hit.

I ensure my life is full of people who love me, so I always have support.

And I fill my life with activities I enjoy, so I am not subject to the ups and downs of one person's moods.

Most men don't make a plan for their personal lives. They get lazy, focus too much on their current source of sex, and live in a scarcity mindset. But if you put the time and energy into doing so, you can insulate yourself from the worst aspects of singledom.

YveisGrey · 2023-06-20T12:53:52+00:00

It doesn’t really matter why bottom line is single women are happier.

The reason people point this out is because some men seek to perpetuate the notion that women will be miserable if they are single so the RESPONSE to this fear mongering is that women are actually happier single than men are.

The reasons for this are really irrelevant since it’s men trying to scare women about being single. Notice how women rarely do the same. I never hear women say “settle or you’ll die alone”. Lol it’s just not a thing.

2abetterwhy · 2023-06-21T01:50:54+00:00

Pardon the ignorance, but what's the point of this post? Sure, women have more options, especially in an online world full of dating apps and crazy high standards for men to earn X much, be X tall, have X hobbies, etc.

These are the cards our generation has been dealt. What will complaining about it solve? And to be fair all throughout history men were the ones stuck in a gender role where they need to prove their worth (not sure where I heard it but men, save their mothers, can never be loved unconditionally - which from a biological perspective makes perfect sense)

You think women will magically go like "oh, right, let's shift the balance of power in favor towards men and give a guy with zero prospects and nothing going for him in life a shot?"

Either play the game or don't. This sub has become a joke in regards to how many people (guys) complain about women having options and them not.

Title	Saying that unlike men women today are "happier single" is very disingenuous
Author	Johnny_Autism
Upvotes	257
Comments	414
Date	June 19, 2023 2:13 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/14dft1n/saying_that_unlike_men_women_today_are_happier/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/saying-that-unlike-men-women-today-are-happier.1222929 https://theredarchive.com/post/1222929

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