Woman who complain about ot being able to find a "good man" just have very high standards

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2023-12-13T19:44:35+00:00

It's a mix of having high standards and not qualifying for the men they want.

rddrthla · 2023-12-13T21:59:21+00:00

At first I thought this was just a subreddit issue but then I went on SadiaPsychology Instagram and saw the comments on one of her most recent posts.

She posted saying if you're single drop a comment.

I was baffled to see how many people who fit the bill for "high value" (extremely good looking, entrepreneurs, large followings, models etc) are all single and can't find anyone.

It made me realize then that peoples standards are way too high.

Edit:

Here's the link, read through all the comments and look at the profiles and be the judge yourself.

https://www.instagram.com/p/C0uga9woswi/?igshid=MjJkMmIyYzQxYw==

Bouldershoulders12 · 2023-12-13T20:57:06+00:00

Flirting with someone for years and finally being settled for is pathetic. Feel sorry for the guy

OtPayOkerSmay · 2023-12-13T20:36:54+00:00

Also consider another aspect where some of these women did have "good men" lined up in their past, but they played games and let the "good men" orbit while chasing the bad boys; FAFO, as it were...

The good men moved on and likely found better women, and then one day the woman noticed that her "good men" orbiters were gone.

It could be that they have high standards; but it could also be that they took for granted what they had while they were younger, until it was too late.

Any woman who says something related to "good men" is basically just admitting defeat and hoping someone will come to her aid.

jay10033 · 2023-12-13T20:57:43+00:00

In no other walk of life would this approach make sense. Let's say you really wanted to work at a hedge fund as an asset manager, but you have zero math & financial skills and no history of such. But you had the requisite skills to work in an HR department. Every application you put at every hedge fund was rejected repeatedly. You never tried to increase your skills either, you just continued putting in applications and they were rejected. Then someone comes along and says "there's an HR opening - it pays less than a hedge fund asset manager, but we think you'll be great for the position" and you turn and say, "no, I'm not settling. I'd rather be unemployed."

This is how ridiculous some women sound. They can't attract the men they want, because they don't qualify so the problem is... the men.

527east · 2023-12-13T21:23:51+00:00

Fat single mothers can find a guy easy because those men have severe mommy issues and will look past all red flags to get their pee pee wet. And the women know those men will never leave them because they are so thirsty. It's like watching a pray mantis devour her hubby with assistance from the government.

Electronic_West_1831 · 2023-12-13T19:48:49+00:00

Did she really find a “good man” or simply settle for some chump because she could feel her ovaries twitching and knew in her gut that time on the old biological clock was running out?

ComfortableOk5003 · 2023-12-13T22:25:47+00:00

I’d fix it and say very high standards that they don’t qualify for

SadDevelopment4813 · 2023-12-14T11:58:27+00:00

I remember someone , she Had Very good looking Boyfriend who was way Out of her League physically. But she has a fun personality shes average looking but shes nice to Talk to. And honestly men would almost Always prefer a Woman with a infectious personality instead of toxic ones.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-12-13T20:42:47+00:00

You are missing a key complication. To the extent that women's standards are culturally influenced and not just hardwired, individual women are often largely a prisoner of culture just like everyone else. Even if they can intellectually realize their standards are too high, truly lowering them in such a way as to really be attracted to 'lesser' men can be tricky for an individual woman to do on her own.

shadowrangerfs · 2023-12-14T11:06:52+00:00

There has never been a lack of good men. There has always been a lack of ATTRACTIVE GOOD MEN. Any woman could easily find a good man to date. But will he also be a man that she finds attractive. Will he be as tall, as handsome, as financially well off as she wants?

The same goes for men. There are a lot of good but unattractive women out there.

gntlbastard · 2023-12-13T21:42:57+00:00

Most of the time it's women who are a 4 or 5 demanding that they want a 8 or a 9. Most of these women also want guys who have insane levels of wealth

bloodthirsty_emu · 2023-12-13T20:50:30+00:00

They have one high standard - looks.

As a result, they ignore dozens, hundreds, thousands of good men for not meeting that standard. Conversely, the men who do meet that standard are fundamentally less likely to be good men (as the guys who both meet the standard and are good men? They're already taken, or simply well out of her "league").

Icequeen343 · 2023-12-14T00:09:59+00:00

Fat women are the average in todays society so don’t act like the average “nice” guys is out of her league lol

Nellylocheadbean · 2023-12-13T22:51:40+00:00

When women say “good man”, they usually mean “good man that they’re attracted to”.

Men don’t seem to understand this because they find a decent portion of women attractive.

Women don’t find a lot of men attractive. Attraction includes looks. You can ask a random group of women, “how often do you see a good looking man in person”. I’d argue a majority of them would say not that often or something similar.

It is what it is

The woman in your example most likely finds the man ok looking (not ugly but also not good looking) so she can work with him and she did!

DapperDan1929 · 2023-12-13T19:30:38+00:00

Truth!

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2023-12-13T22:09:09+00:00

She probably just settled for. If she had genuine desire for him, she would have married him a long time ago. Yes, she can find SOMEONE no problem, but not the one she truly desires.

Ppdebatesomental · 2023-12-14T01:59:14+00:00

Guess what, we all settle. Her coworker/now husband was probably hoping for something better than a 38 year old chubster, but here we are.

Financial_Window_990 · 2023-12-14T03:17:05+00:00

They don't have high standards. They have WRONG standards.

boredom4321 · 2023-12-14T10:43:21+00:00

chubby with high standards. Great combination. Any woman complaining she can't find a "good man" is the same as the men they disparage who constantly bitch that no girl will give them a chance.

basedmama21 · 2023-12-14T23:05:31+00:00

Or they don’t qualify for good men. Standards be damned.

thisreallyisnotok · 2023-12-13T19:56:49+00:00

Social media has basically destroyed the brain vagina connection of a lot of women and they are physically incapable of being sexually aroused by anything other than what the algorithms have programmed their dumb little brains to be turned on by. Little incel shits destroyed their dicks by watching porn using a death grip and women destroyed their brains with social media having a death grip on their mind

Then 6’3 dudes like me end up dating hypersexual women who want orgasms like a pez dispensers and they tend to be awful at sex

Much_Prune3459 · 2023-12-13T23:07:16+00:00

Yep, usually they are old, not in the best shape and not appealing or know how to act feminine.

They use masculine prerequisites as to why they should "deserve" a good man, like their career, their body size or their experience/etc.

It's all cope.

apresonly · 2023-12-13T20:00:18+00:00

Proof that these men are good?

to me good means cooperative, wants to see others succeed, wants to be a good role model for his kids/younger relatives, etc.

A big trigger/turnoff for me is when men say "thats just the way it is" and expect the argument to be over. I can't live in a house with someone who is not reasonable and cooperative. But it is very hard to find men that desire to be like this.

SilentFroggy · 2023-12-13T19:53:59+00:00

It’s just redpillers fantasy that these women won’t find a man.

waffleznstuff30 · 2023-12-13T20:44:28+00:00

Well considering the kind of partnership I want. I will be alone for some time or dating abroad. I have an idea of what I want but I am not finding it here.

There is nothing wrong with having high standards it's okay to be expensive until you find someone that ticks those boxes you have. Because you shouldn't settle for someone you are meh about. It never works. I'm guessing said guy excelled in other areas. So there is that.

TWCDev · 2023-12-13T20:37:59+00:00

Yes, media encourages women to look for their prince, and and men to look for their anemic pornstar (who is also a virgin, and doesn't age older than 25) or if they lie to themselves, fixate on a single girl who they "truly love" but is really just nearby. When men lower their standards and look for people who will make them happy, their options expand dramatically, same as men.

AriesProductions · 2023-12-13T23:51:33+00:00

Although there are definitely women out there who have higher standards than I would find realistic, they’re allowed to have them. Just as men are.

However, I don’t know any of them. Most are like me. I want a man who’s either my height (5’7”) or not subconscious about being shorter (because I don’t care but if he he does, it impacts his self esteem in an unhealthy way and it’s not good for a relationship), makes enough to support himself (rent, transportation, groceries, etc - I’m not asking him to pay a dime on my behalf, just cover his own expenses), striving towards a healthy lifestyle (I could stand to lose 10lbs and I’m attracted to average body types incl “dad bod” but I don’t want someone who eats nothing but junk food, booze & drugs) and within 10 years either side of my age. I want someone who’s attractive to me, and that doesn’t mean cover-model. I’ve been told I’m above average, but I only care that my partner finds me attractive. My last relationship was objectively a 7 (my girlfriends rating) but to me he was a 10. I want someone who thinks I’m more attractive than I think I am. I want someone who considers themselves a feminist, who believes women deserve equal rights (not “special” rights) and that is emotionally available.

Are those “unreasonable” standards? Because I’ve been told that a) I’m lying about my standards or b) I must be obese or ugly, because I can’t find a “good man”.

Economy-Shake-1448 · 2023-12-13T22:09:32+00:00

According to Reddit, the chubby 38 year old woman would never find love and isn’t worthy of a good man. Is the man really that good if this is true? Also according to Reddit, she’s practically infertile at age 38, so did she really have 3 kids at such an old age?

Fusiontron · 2023-12-14T16:28:00+00:00

Only started dating when she was 38? When did they marry and have the kids? Dude must be a deadeye shooter.

MiaDovahkiin · 2023-12-14T20:55:30+00:00

Nope , not for everyone.. 😅 I left the house like 1-2 times a week. Sometimes 1-2 times in 2 weeks.. It's what we call "homebirds" in my country. Homebirds have like lots of hobbies at home and don't like going out if its not for something really nice. Like would I like to travel to japan one day ? Yes, sure. Would I like to go get a coffee outside ? No, I have coffee at home. So, single since high school. (26F)😅

omelettekingg · 2023-12-13T20:26:24+00:00

I don’t disagree that many women who complain about their dating options refuse to acknowledge their own smv. However, including “making as much as them” as a high standard is dumb. For all of human history, the least a man had to provide in order to pass on his genes was resources. Risking potential pregnancy while not being financially secure is a red flag in both sexes, and a clear sign that they will be unfit to parent.

YveisGrey · 2023-12-13T23:26:23+00:00

I agree. RP makes it sound like these women have “hit the wall” and are being rejected in droves by decent men. Really these women have the same issue they always had, too high standards.

TheMedsPeds · 2023-12-13T21:01:14+00:00

My standards are pretty low (have a job, not be a fuckboy, be taller than like 5’4, have a similar style and personality as me) and I’m still single.

I’d love to know the secret trick all women have so I can find one of these “good men” the apps are filled with dudes that random delete their profile the night after having a nice feel convo and dudes who just want hook ups.

Husband died 5 years ago and I’m struggling. Honestly the biggest issue for me is hearing about how “easy” it is when for me it’s not.

Safinated · 2023-12-13T19:54:23+00:00

Or that are too low

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2023-12-13T21:15:58+00:00

Or they can't find someone they have a connection with/are in love with.

Different_Cress7369 · 2023-12-14T09:12:22+00:00

I have high standards for my shoes, and they only go on my feet. I would rather be alone with a dozen cats than settle, and I would advise men to do the same. Don’t throw your life away settling for dross.

harmonica2 · 2023-12-13T22:09:14+00:00

What if men went for easier women that do not have to high if standards?

Revolutionary_Law793 · 2023-12-14T09:10:09+00:00

your post is so f***ng unoriginal

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-12-14T19:06:43+00:00

Nope. I can answer this one with confidence since Ive been a lurker here a looooooooong time. Whenever I post my standards, I get a bunch of replies thats the "bare minimum." (which is ironic because very few men meet the standards I post, lol). I occasionally get a few who tell me my standards are too high, but they are outliers.

This forum has no concept of compatibility whatsoever, compatibility is the reason most relationships fail. Alot of people who marry really arent compatible enough with each other, some grow more incompatible as time goes on after they marry. Second reason is some % of the population is not relationship material due to traits I list below. Most people you go on dates with, will NOT be compatible enough with you for you to be in a healthy long term relationship with them. A healthy relationship is one where you can be yourself, where the relationship enhances your life instead of causing more stress, where you do not have to compromise yourself to an unreasonable amount. Ideally the person should even make you better. This is not an easy thing to find.

Western society really encourages people to be overly individualistic and selfish. Some compromise is needed to be in a healthy long term relationship. Im sorry but most Americans nowadays do not have this trait. (BOTH genders). Pretty much every culture outside of the white west, values peace and its qualities (and now a mom, I would suggest parental prerequisites): steady, consistent, calm, listening, learning, empathy, etc. The West encourages emotional reactivity and entitlement. This forum is RAMPANT with entitlement.

Azihayya · 2023-12-14T01:03:12+00:00

Counter point: men who say that they can't find a girlfriend just have very high standards.

itsokiloveu · 2023-12-14T16:03:21+00:00

I’d rather be single for life than settle for a man who doesn’t meet my standards (25F)

PsychoticNurse · 2023-12-13T20:49:11+00:00

Uh, what's wrong with wanting someone who makes close to your income? I make close to 6 figures, why would I want to date a man who is barely making $10,000/year? It's about having a certain standard of living for both of you. Women who are only looking for wealthy men are different, but nothing wrong with a woman (or man!) wanting to only date people near their income level. It's about paying the bills and buying food, not having high standards.

I think purple pill is just another sub to bash women and continue to gender divide that's been started. Some women have high standards of course, and that's on them. Why care what they want? Their unreasonable standards will cause them to be alone, or mistreated. But there are so many men who would pass on a great, faithful loving woman for shallow reasons. What if the woman is a "fat single mother" but would love you and provide the type of life you want? What if she's a 3 instead of a 10? What if she makes minimum wage (nothing wrong with minimum wage) but you make 6 figures? I guarantee most men here would give a hard pass on her, despite what she could offer him or how well she would treat him.

And yes. I want a leader/captain. I want a man who is the head of the household and doesn't need to defer to me for every little thing. I want to be a man's first mate, not the HOH. If I'm supposed to lead, then I would just stay single. Men are supposed to lead and be providers/protectors, and if he can't do that, why waste time? Luckily I found my captain. Ladies, don't give up. It's not high standards to want a man to be your captain or to expect to be treated well and with love.

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Sharp_Engineering379 · 2023-12-13T21:08:33+00:00

Then why are ugly men lonely? Shouldn’t they take OP advice?

kayceeplusplus · 2023-12-13T22:03:55+00:00

I have very specific standards

MissAlchamyst · 2023-12-13T23:05:01+00:00

Everyone should have, get some!, it’s not bad not to settle for less…

NotARussianBot1984 · 2023-12-13T23:26:51+00:00

There's no proving this. There's no test for "you have high standards", no peer reviewed studies showing this as a fact.

It's just note sharing, and obviously you'll find people that say "well my notes say your notes are wrong"

AshySlashy3000 · 2023-12-13T23:48:44+00:00

Millionaires For All!

indigo_pirate · 2023-12-14T00:31:44+00:00

There’s a difference between ‘good’ and ‘attractive’.

Sometimes they go together; sometimes not.

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2023-12-14T01:40:49+00:00

Promoted to Betabux, how lucky.

Careful_Medium9456 · 2023-12-14T02:09:14+00:00

No the fundamental issue is that they never say to themselves , " why don't the good men want me" instead all men are blamed because there is a " shortage of good men"

Deeeeeeesigner · 2023-12-14T02:12:34+00:00

Careful of the tall leaders who make more than you…

Looking for my frog now

NoidoDev · 2023-12-14T02:29:07+00:00

There will be a wave of such women. Tinder exists since 2012, so women who were 18 are now around 30. Around 30-35 they want to settle down. But the men they want won't be there. They are married, want to stay single and maybe didn't work to get the status and assets these women want as a minimum.

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2023-12-14T02:37:41+00:00

You make a lot of assumptions about your neighbor. How do you know that she had high standards?

metasekvoia · 2023-12-14T04:39:49+00:00

38yo chubby coworker settled for someone she did nort have feelings for, for the sake of having a family. "Standards" is a stupid concept, love will not magically happen at 6 foot or 100K.

AnonPinkLady · 2023-12-14T08:17:59+00:00

I have found that actually there's a little bit of strategy, luck and mental well being involved to finding a good person and by good I mean good of heart, caring, worthy of love, all arbitrary standards be damned because that is my priority.

I can elaborate more on that if you want to read on- here are my take aways for these.

Strategy:

No one really taught me the basics of social etiquette so it took me a while to realize that one of the most effective ways to rule out most noncomittal types is to just message for a while before meeting up. I don't believe in exact timelines, but I'd recommend a few weeks of just messaging. Most of the creepy or hook up-y types just lose interest and give up at this point and it leaves you with sincerely invested people. People start to actually learn a few interesting things about you, actually get a feel for who you are more organically. I found this hard to do because I'm a goofy neurodivergent lady but I learned to just relax, not rush to force a connection, send silly memes back and forth, cute stuff, and after a few weeks, then I'd arrange a date. Just this change in how quickly I met up and how many messages were exchanged immediately changed the kind of dates I ended up going on. On top of that there is a need to be honest and open hearted but not accepting of what you get back. I told people honestly what I hoped find on dating apps but I never pushed them to agree. I let them know what I want and I left the door open for them to make the next move if and when they felt ready. If they gave me a response at this point after I'd started seeing them in person and had expressed my intent that was something about not knowing what they want, I accepted that as the answer. I didn't drag things out waiting on them to let me know yes or no. If someone just keeps dragging out an answer to what they want with you, that is the answer. I'd politely and quietly stop seeing them and just keep it moving. This worked really well. I stopped getting my heart broken, I sort of forced an end to the "games" etc. All of this is different for every person and what works for them but what I'm describing is my personal vetting process which is 99% just being a direct and honest communicator and 1% just artificially slowing my roll to be sure we were on the same page

Luck:

you can employ all the strategies I just listed and things can still go wrong. Someone could intentionally act very fun and charismatic and message back for a few weeks, meet and be really funny and nice in person, take the opportunity to lock you down when you tell them what you're looking for- and they can still end up not being the right person. Sometimes it's because you're just not quite compatible. Sometimes it's because that person legitimately put up a farce and pretended to be someone they're not to lower your guard. Sometimes a person can literally just change because of potentially things that happened before you ever even knew them. Shit happens sometimes. That can be hard for some folks to wrap their mind around but it does. You can do everything right and end up cheated on because the person is just bad at being faithful. They can develop an addiction that destroys your relationship. They can turn sour on a potential pet or child unexpectedly because of unknown trauma in their past. They can develop a serious disorder or become terminally ill. Shit just happens. Luck IS involved. It's not our only factor and the odds are more in our favor that we'll have some flames in our life than not but luck is a factor for everyone.

Mental Well-being:

Sometimes you don't know how to be the best partner you can be yet. Some people grew up in abusive environments they didn't even know were abusive and need to unlearn a million abnormal behaviors. Some people are undiagnosed with serious conditions and are too unstable to have healthy relationships with others. For me it was a lack of willingness to be vulnerable. My heart was closed off. I talked the talk but I couldn't walk the walk, no matter how much I insisted I wanted romance, for a while I just didn't feel it. I was severely traumatized from past events and I didn't even realize how emotionally detached I'd become. How numb and cold and nothing I felt on the inside. I had to start going to therapy and working on opening myself up to really feeling and letting people in again to build connections instead of forcing them to happen like a weird science experiment.

All of this is to say maybe she can't find a good man because she may not be emotionally ready to build a healthy relationship with one even if they were available because she's not in that stage yet of being okay with fully letting someone in and getting hurt. Maybe she can't find an ideal partner because she's rushing to meet people too quickly, attracted weirdos simply because she doesn't realize these unspoken bits of social etiquette. And maybe she's been unlucky a couple times and has lost hope. There are good men but it can be a bit difficult to know how to actually meet one and not mess it up. You can pass by them every day and never realize it. Sometimes it can feel like you've forgotten how to get to know someone naturally at all.

Most women I know aren't looking for a rich man when they say a good man, or really a handsome one. There are some basic expectations like for example, that he isn't homeless and on some illegal substances, but most people just mean they haven't found the right fit.

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2023-12-14T08:44:02+00:00

I have been saying this for a while.

It's all the blatant sexism is media. Women bitch all the time about how women are portrayed, sexy eye candy. However have y'all ever taken the time to consider how men are portrayed? It's always hot successful person who supports/lifts her up and puts up with all her bull shit.

Hallmark movies are the funniest. But like in every single one it's always portrayed as the prince of a man has to act charming and woo her after she has a mental breakdown.

Most women aren't chasing after love, they are changing a fantasy.

Planthoe30 · 2023-12-14T09:51:08+00:00

I don’t know why we are eliminating all other options just because one person’s scenario seemingly proved your point. People can struggle in dating for a variety of reasons. Occasionally they do have bad luck streaks, sometimes it’s a them problem and sometimes it’s men doing this shit also! 🤯

I have definitely been pursued by men and I considered myself to be out of their league. How did I know I was out of their league? Well he referred to women as “honey pots” and I know I don’t have personalized phrases to derogatorily categorize men. His standards were way too high, and guess what he is single 15 years later!

coolycucumber · 2023-12-14T10:49:35+00:00

Its about value, we get what we are worth. Men can improve their worth, women cant(in context of dating market)

Individual_Speech_10 · 2023-12-17T17:24:13+00:00

How do you know that the guy she's married to is a nice person with a great personality? Wanting someone that is is not a high standard.

Title	Woman who complain about ot being able to find a "good man" just have very high standards
Author	Novel-Tip-7570
Upvotes	141
Comments	385
Date	December 13, 2023 7:27 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18hovwk/woman_who_complain_about_ot_being_able_to_find_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/woman-who-complain-about-ot-being-able-to-find-a.1240687 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240687

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