Men typically have an external locus of control mindset when it comes to dating and generally underestimate the effectiveness of working on themselves

DGenerationMC · 2025-02-14T17:34:54+00:00

“It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life.”

3stun · 2025-02-14T17:42:27+00:00

By literally just working out my body and growing my muscles, getting a real skin care routine (easiest thing ever that men in my life refuse for no reason), and fixing my dental health (getting Invisalign and also whitening) genuinely transformed me as a person. Process took me about 1.5yrs and I’m still hitting the gym consistently, so I’ll only be getting stronger if I keep it up. But my confidence was boosted through the roof after a year, and that’s the key that women literally tell us we need.

The problem with this is, confidence is not a universal binary characteristic and not always translated from one area to another. There is a great scene in old movie "The Guardian" with Kevin Costner, where young marine rescuers are at some party and one of them is shy to approach a girl he likes. And his teammate teases him about it.

- You gotta make a move!

- I can't. I get nervous.

- You're tellin' me you can jump outta helicopters but you're afraid to go talk to a girl?

- Uh... pretty much, yea.

You can be a handsome young prominent neuro-surgeon, and sitting in some bar in a dark corner all by yourself because no girl will give you a minute of her day. What it takes to succeed in many areas of modern civilization, is in many cases different from what it takes to be popular among girls. That's why some loser wannabe musician playing at some sh*thole - can have a whole crowd of cute girls cheering for him, and a Team Lead at Google whom nobody knows outside his department which is 90% guys - can be a virgin.

Confidence comes from success. If you have success and progress in the gym, you will get confident there. But once you're out of your pond - say, approaching girls at some bar you got to start from scratch. Well, maybe not from lvl 0 but close to it.

MysterySolverDog · 2025-02-14T11:57:52+00:00

Unfortunately the idea that men who struggle to date are overweight basement dwelling neckbeards has permanently wormed its way into people's minds and will likely never be cast out.

It is very strange to me when people talk about self-improvement like it is revolutionary advice. You mean, when you were younger and struggling to date, it wasn't the very first thing you tried?? Personally I was exercising between 4 to 5 times per week throughout my teen years, I went out jogging rain or shine. I showered at least once per day, and used skin cleanser to try and keep my face clean. I was also eating healthy and rarely had junk food. These are all things I was doing right from the jump. I really can't relate to redditors who talk about being well over 200lbs of fat and "just can't lose the weight".

Now I hope you're reading this next part, because after doing all of that, I can comfortably say that none of this helped me one bit and I needn't have bothered. Girls weren't interested in me then and women aren't interested in me now. Never even been on a first date. The sad reality is that women are extraordinarily picky and there's some issues that can't be self-improved out of. It doesn't even have to be a rare deformity either, just being any one of short ugly or autistic and a spot of bad luck will mean you find nobody willing to date you. I probably came across as prickly in this comment, for which I must apologize. However, the external locus of control guys often aren't men who never tried, they're men who gave it their best and got shoved aside anyway.

Dertross · 2025-02-14T17:22:53+00:00

Dating is fundamentally an external locus of control because it requires -another person- to accept you. You can do nothing wrong, and that still doesn't force -another person- to accept you romantically. You can do everything wrong and still get another person to accept you romantically.

It is the quintessential external locus of control. Most other things have a better correlation between effort and results.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2025-02-14T12:16:32+00:00

You can do everything right and still lose, ultimately it still depends if the stars align and two people fall in love. But if you don't do anything you are guaranteed to "lose". So yes keep trying but the result still depends if the stars align.

Open-Quail-2573 · 2025-02-14T19:51:21+00:00

You have a point but it's not the entire picture. The main thing I have noticed is that women generally don't have issues finding bfs unless they are morbidly obese or something. On the other hand, I know legitimately good looking guys who still don't have partners. Now does this have something to do with them being too shy/introverted or being on the spectrum? Probably, yes. Not every man wants to "play the game" and go around shooting their shots everywhere it's awkward. My point is since the man is still the initiator, if you are bad at that or have no "game/rizz", you'll have a tough time. I'm somewhat in the same boat I have only ever been in 1 relationship in my entire life and that was back in my teens. Now I'm 22 and it's nothing even though I look way better now.

rejected-again · 2025-02-14T20:31:50+00:00

There is no gym for your face. I think men who try so hard at the gym don't want to admit to themselves that much of what they want is out of their control, so they cling to the gym as a form of control. But they are in denial.

VWGUYWV · 2025-02-14T16:39:16+00:00

Men have more an external locus of control compared to what? Women? That’s hilarious.

Substantial_Video560 · 2025-02-14T10:08:05+00:00

If I choose to work on myself it's for my own confidence and self worth, not for validation from the opposite sex.

nightcall379 · 2025-02-14T08:53:04+00:00

I just want to get into the minds of men who choose to just sit and wallow in sadness rather than get up and chase what they want.

Everything you've listed is literally the very basics of the red pill

Guys do those things

They don't work

good_guy_not_evil · 2025-02-14T16:43:30+00:00

I think if any other group had to improve themselves at the severity that straight men do just to be able to date and fuck, they would be complaining just as much. I mean, straight women and gay people complain about dating quite a bit as it is.

So I'm not sure it's because that straight men have a more external locus of control mindset, it's that we are horny and some of us have to put in 2 years of self improvement just to get to the starting line. Most other groups are at the starting line for simply existing.

It's not really a fair comparison. We're on a different difficulty setting.

anonymousppd123123 · 2025-02-14T11:29:45+00:00

Hard-core gym ratting is very time consuming and doesn't line up with working 60hrs a week trying to make real money

It's worth the time spent at a low income potential but you have quite a bit of diminished returns there past a point

Kreeps_United · 2025-02-14T16:42:49+00:00

Honestly, I think I would be a bluepiller if it wasn't for this obsession with blaming men for their problems and pretending that they're all causing it themselves or not doing anything about it.

At this point, it seems like this is a weekly thread.

meisterkraus · 2025-02-14T11:03:28+00:00

This is all dependent on your starting point. It is undeniable that improvement will help but it is not a guarantee. For some people the amount of work needed is so high and the reward so low it would be a waste of time from their perspective.

There is also the problem with what area to self improve in. Realistically you don't have time to improve in all areas. And that is ultimately going to be dependent on what you want. So let's take dating improvement is the goal. Do you focus on physical/ mental state, relationship practices, hobbies, life skills, or others?

For example, I like Latina women. So a key thing for me to learn is Spanish. If you are looking to date black women, learning Spanish is a nice thing but is not going to help you with that demographic.

shockingly_bored · 2025-02-14T09:05:53+00:00

But my confidence was boosted through the roof after a year, and that’s the key that women literally tell us we need.

See that's all well and good if the gym is somewhere you enjoy going, but what's the point if you are socially isolated, and go to the gym doing an activity that makes you hate yourself in a place full of people you can't even talk to?

I'm not going to lie, I have only every been able to consistently go to rehabilitate a sporting injury and the moment that happens im back out on the pitch, because the cold and the baltic pissing it down rain is genuinely not filling me with a all pervasive sense of shitness with people I can actually talk and have a laugh with.

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2025-02-14T11:27:09+00:00

By literally just working out my body and growing my muscles, getting a real skin care routine (easiest thing ever that men in my life refuse for no reason), and fixing my dental health (getting Invisalign and also whitening) genuinely transformed me as a person.

Main issue here is that women don't have to do a fraction of that and they still get plenty of options.

This disparity has to go.

Particular_Trade6308 · 2025-02-14T19:12:25+00:00

If you simply consider a scenario where a man is an ethnic minority living in an area with very little racial integration and/or racial animus, it becomes obvious that in some cases, self-improvement doesn’t help and the guy needs to move.

If that’s true, then surely there is an even bigger group of guys where self-improvement helps, but not enough for them to have a fulfilling love life. A guy who gets 1 date a year, or has 5 years in between romantic prospects, or who only gets dates if he is paying for everything. This subset almost by definition is bigger than the first. Very short guys, ugly guys, autistic guys, etc.

If you acknowledge that the above groups exist, then this is just a debate over how large the groups are. I don’t think it’s far fetched to say that 5-10% of the population is just screwed. Too short, too ethnic, too ugly, too bald, too autistic, and some combination. Then you add the guys who are on the fringe of this.

Self-improvement advice works for guys in the middle of the distribution who have given up. It doesn’t nothing for the bottom of the distribution.

MyTeethHurtRn · 2025-02-14T11:24:36+00:00

I've been hitting the gym several times a week for 7 years now, and I've had a skincare routine for probably about as long. Glad you're happy with where it lead you, but as much as I enjoy doing these things for myself, they have not aided me in dating whatsover. I don't have low confidence, I know I'm not ugly. I have a healthy body. But at the end of the day my face will always just be average and I will never be over 180+ cm tall.

giveuporfindaway · 2025-02-14T09:12:16+00:00

There's no point to working on yourself as a mass-market strategy when women date relativistically.

All millennial and gen z men today are body builders by boomer standards.

Women will always swipe right on the same % of men, even if the floor is absolutely raised.

DankuTwo · 2025-02-14T08:30:51+00:00

How tall are you?

I’ve not found self-improvement to change my odds with women AT ALL. My odds aren’t bad, fortunately, but being more or less in shape (I’ve never been overweight) and dressing better or worse simply does not move the needle even one millimetre, in my experience. Nothing is going to make me taller, at the end of the day.

If you’re starting at a self-inflicted low (overweight and unkempt), then sure….adhering to basic adult standards can’t hurt. Once you’ve hit that basic standard, however, there’s really not much else you can do but play the numbers game.

Efficient-Baker1694 · 2025-02-14T14:45:29+00:00

Funny enough but I talked about this on another post and I’ll share it on here as well:

Now let me first say that I’m not disagreeing on the importance of self improvement nor am I disagreeing on how self improvement must be done for you and you only. But one thing I see never gets talked about with self improvement is even after doing it, it still may not make you unappealing. Now obviously self improvement is the act of improving your physical, mental and emotional health so you can create a happy life for yourself.

Now some people would say that improving those things will make you more attractive and desirable to someone in a romantic sense. A side effect in a sense. I disagree with that notion. I think doing those things may or may not help you make yourself more appealing. If you’re someone who’s never been on a date before, self improve, get better from it, you still may never go on that date. I don’t say this to discourage anyone from continuing and/or start doing their self improvement journey. But I do think it’s fair and right to say that if you do self improvement, you could still end up being unappealing.

TLDR: You can do self improvement the right way and still end up being undateable.

purenonsense2757 · 2025-02-14T09:32:28+00:00

If she didn't want me at my worst, then why does she deserve me at my best?/S

BobtheArcher2018 · 2025-02-14T08:48:57+00:00

I do believe that many do underestimate how much they could improve their chances if they worked harder. That said, there are assertions from the manosphere about the state of gender relations that, if true, are very serious and would justify a lot of the frustration seen from this group.

So ultimately these assertions about the 'facts on the ground' need addressing on their own merits before we can really evaluate anything else.

Illustrious_Wish_383 · 2025-02-14T09:38:34+00:00

I keep saying it in this sub and I'll keep repeating it - women liked me during my "loser" phase in my 20s. Most self-improvement of a conscious nature has come since my late thirties (Im mid-40s now) and I have had basically zero luck or success with women since my divorce 10 years ago.

topforce · 2025-02-14T10:58:07+00:00

You have improved the odds, but the process isn't any more deterministic because of that. Unless you are planning to kidnap people, it will never be just your decision.

Cultural-Ad-8486 · 2025-02-14T15:40:16+00:00

All because the external locus of control is almost everything in life. Very little depends on us as a unit of society.

Our whole life is a huge random and a game of Fortune.

And just like the eternal pursuit of "self-improvement" this is one of the worst things now. The vast majority of people in the world are average and this is normal, it should be so. There is nothing wrong with being average, but now, average = lowest.

And the same about "self-confidence" and self-esteem. It does not depend entirely on you, but on the positive reinforcement that people around you give. Social interactions are something that a person is not responsible for himself, it all depends on whether others want it.

Oh, and the topic of men's "entitled" to women always makes me laugh. You MUST have at least some guarantees of the result, if not, then nothing makes sense. And no, I'm not talking about sex slavery, "government appointed girlfriends" and other bullshit. No, I'm just saying that your efforts MUST actually have a positive and noticeable impact on your chances.

It's like with phrases like: "Just treat women like people"; "Being nice it's bare minimum" and other bullshit. Anyone who doesn't do this should not have any dating success at all, but that's not true.

P.S. With all this, I'm not lazy, I don't have problems with dating and even take steps to improve myself. But at the same time, I understand people who tried and gave up - you just shouldn't work your ass off for 0 results.

envious1998 · 2025-02-14T17:35:02+00:00

I think that people who give men advice on dating have too much of an internal locus of control. Both are equally bad and toxic. There is only so much self improvement one person can do before they have to look themselves in the mirror and realize they’re not the problem or they risk self annihilation

RIchardjCranium · 2025-02-14T20:44:01+00:00

The issue is you have to make a cost/benefit ratio analysis to see if all the work is worth it. Is the Herculean effort it’s gonna take me to go from a 3 1/2 to a 4 worth the effort. Most likely not…

Goonerlouie · 2025-02-14T10:38:41+00:00

Look I agree with you, but playing devils advocate:

Why do men have to jump through hoops when women can be just fine by existing at any size.
Why are dateless men told to focus on personality and told looks aren’t as important as they think they are

MikeArrow · 2025-02-14T08:55:54+00:00

By literally just working out my body and growing my muscles

Easier said than done. If it was that easy everyone would do it.

Boniface222 · 2025-02-14T10:27:25+00:00

I agree that good habits are good, but is this specifically a dating thing?

As in, should you go to the gym because of dating?

Should you eat properly because of dating?

Should you take care of your health because of dating?

I think it's good sense to live your life adroitly whether you are dating or not.

analt223 · 2025-02-14T14:40:57+00:00

1) self improvement has always been preached for men to do

2) self improvement for leads to patriarchy, something feminists hate.

men just like more women than women like men. Most if not all of this is due to women getting pregnant by men's sperm, so they are pickier. That is all.

Technical-Mixture299 · 2025-02-14T11:51:06+00:00

I think switching to an internal locus of control shows maturity and shows you're willing to be an emotionally intelligent partner. Working on yourself physically is great, but working on your thought patterns is more important.

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obviouslymoose · 2025-02-14T18:45:08+00:00

I don’t think this is specific to men

WillyDonDilly69 · 2025-02-14T22:20:55+00:00

So you got either a Zoom or used whitening strips or gel that manh guys already do, you went to gym which already mamy guys do on top of some getting steroids and you tell me you didn t get more attention from other men and not any from women?

Mr_Vaynewoode · 2025-02-15T08:27:02+00:00

Sample Bias. Do not confuse what you see here with all men.

It also doesn't speak to what you are buying into if you invest in a woman in our culture.

The issue is not about women having high standards, its about whether building you life around the needs of another person is a good idea.

(Spoiler: it is not)

beachhouseLA · 2025-02-15T09:25:31+00:00

What's your skin care routine?

Mr_Vaynewoode · 2025-02-15T13:41:22+00:00

Men typically have an external locus of control mindset when it comes to dating and generally underestimate the effectiveness of working on themselves

I think two debateable points immediately spring to mind.

(1) What has imparted this external locus of control mindset in men?

(2) How much of a man's outcomes is subject to external vs internal factors.

I would argue that a Gynocentric Culture benefits from/is complicit in obfuscating the level of control a man has over his own life.

I would also argue that a Gynocentric Culture would to continually aggressively exercise its coercive policies to the detriment of men, denigrate their character, and regulate their ability to function at the granular level.

It is an observable fact, that the current Administration seems so aggressive is actively gutting DEI programs, which include equity-based programs focused on "affirmatively" discriminating in favor of women.

I would argue that the frenetic pace of these changes helps qualify the public's reaction to the accelerationist nature of these misandrist policies over the past 8-to-12 years.

rag3light · 2025-02-15T14:59:57+00:00

Yeah bro EVERYONE can self improve into the topic x %.

Like I'm not sitting and wallowing in anything but wisdom. I've been with more women than likely most every guy here which is why it's so easy for me to call bullshit on so much of this.

Literally I have DONE self improvement that makes the difference.

And guess what? IT IS FUCKED UP what men ACTUALLY need to do to improve to be worthy of love vs women who are told they are just wonderful for existing and farting.

Its fucked up that women want to talk out of both sides of their mouths about independence but also demanding a man better than they are and deriving sexual attraction from a perception of inferiority (hypergamy).

And tbh most men can't just hit the gym and VOILA pussytown.

Some men need limb lengthening Others need steroids Others need face surgery

^ shit like this 1. Is tough to go through but 2. FUCKING WORKS.

The proof of how shallow women are is the ROI doing this type of shit will have on your life.

Logos1789 · 2025-02-15T17:50:50+00:00

It is reality that most people’s life outcomes are determined by external factors:

Their genetics
Where they grow up
How much money/resources/care their parents have for them

Acknowledging this outsized impact on life outcomes does not amount to an external locus of control.

The existence of ways to merely improve your lot in life doesn’t always justify taking those paths, because like you said, after becoming what is essentially a new person, it still doesn’t come close to guaranteeing self-defined success with the women you’re genuinely attracted to.

Giving up and highlighting this reality is a valid choice.

What does society tell incels?

“It’s wrong to want people to lower their standards.”

Well…that also applies to undesirable men.

Upstairs-Instance565 · 2025-02-17T02:04:12+00:00

Buddy how tall are you?

Pola_Lita · 2025-02-14T09:35:14+00:00

I honestly just want others to realize that they have so much potential that’s wasted, and it’s honestly quite sad.

It just doesn't make sense that there are as many "irredeemable" men as this sub makes it seem.

I hope our male readers listen to you, OP.

Maractop · 2025-02-15T08:18:03+00:00

You are pandering to women here. Sad but expected. People on this sub will downplay their natural advantages till the end of time. The whole post is disiningenuous. Working on yourself isnt fixing any immutable trait which is what women mainly judge men on

gothfather3 · 2025-02-14T08:46:24+00:00

Amen! I don't understand why the concept of working on yourself and being genuinely happy and confident is so underestimated. I know it's not about that - but you are more likely to attract a partner who is in that same mindset/on that grind. Like anything, look inwards FIRST. Do you love and respect yourself, do you show up for yourself? Do you like your own company?

Someone sat there whining that they can't get a woman (and often expecting a 'high value woman') whilst being a miserable sod, needs to give their head a wobble.

Congrats on the lifestyle improvements by the way 👏

EetinAintCheetin · 2025-02-14T16:51:47+00:00

I think you are drawing the wrong conclusions from your experience, or rather you are making a seemingly logical, but incorrect jump from the cause to the effect.

Many people recommend physical exercise as a cure for depression or low self esteem, but it is not the exercise or gym itself that causes the improvement in confidence and mood. What actually happens, is people who make a commitment to care about themselves and be nicer to themselves, including physical exercise, skincare, cosmetic procedures, etc., start developing healthier attitudes towards themselves. In other words, they begin to think of themselves more positively. The change in thinking is what leads to improved confidence, self esteem and consequent success with women.

The problem is that exercise and gym and self care by themselves don’t actually result in more positive thinking. They can, but they are a commons correlation rather than a causality. As evidence by many of the comments here, many guys already exercise and have a good skincare routine, yet they continue to think of themselves as total losers.

Again, none of this is to discourage exercise, self care and improving your presentation/appearance. These are all very important, but not sufficient for changing negative thoughts. Which leads me to my next, very important point:

The only difference between a sexually successful and a sexually unsuccessful man is not necessarily that the unsuccessful person is short, bald, fat or whatever else. The only difference is in the way these people think. Every guy who tells himself he is too ugly and too short can find someone else who looks exactly like him who has a girlfriend and gets laid. But because guys who don’t get laid tend to hangout with the other guys who don’t get laid, or participate in online communities such as r/Virgin, r/ForeverAlone and the like, they get their negative views validated every single hour of every single day and to them it looks like no one is getting laid. It also reinforces their negative thinking which they have completely normalized (it feels 100% real to them).

The thinking is the biggest problem. And until a guy decides that he will treat himself better, that he will cater to his own needs, value himself and be gentle to himself, he will continue to struggle. To is is not a just world fallacy. Nothing could be further from that. It’s just that women are very very perceptive about how a man feels about himself, his attitude and his “balls”. Women have you figured out the second you step in the room before you ve ever had a chance to open up your mouth.

GlumCareer8019 · 2025-02-14T20:25:32+00:00

That's what I've been saying. The "I deserve a chance" is part of this unhealthy mindset that can lead to awkward to dangerous behaviour. Theres no entitlement, they don't need a valid reason to reject you and us guys should be able to brush off rejection without drama

Trancetastic16 · 2025-02-14T21:28:53+00:00

It’s possible to commit no mistakes and still lose due to luck.

There are socially skilled people who don’t reproduce, there are physically and mentally ill who do.

Attraction is based on genetic compatibility, determined at birth through kissing to exchange saliva and body odour, shared traits (race/etc.) and health/fertility markers, which are half in your control through fitness and hygiene but half out of your control from your family genes.

Statistics support that Interracial dating is rare, so Mixed race people are naturally looking for a possibly smaller statistical population of people who are genetically compatible.

Not to mention other factors that do matter for dating, but in recent hyper-capitalist countries are increasingly out of people’s control such as socio-economic status and the pre-dominant cultures from high immigration rates shifting population demographics.

Personally speaking, I’m mixed-race, Queer, Autistic and low-income, so I do my best to improve and meet others who I’d be compatible with who fit my niche, but a textbook example of luck heavily effecting one’s outcome irregardless of efforts.

And there are other statistical minorities to consider in your individual country by Religion/race/LGBT/disabled/ culture/etc.

But even those who are in a statistical majority are struggling to date due to hyper-capitalism I.e. declining third spaces, a hyper-individualist culture i.e. social media/online dating/online shopping addiction, and these factors effecting our unhealthy dating culture (I.e. hypergamy inflation in western cultures).

Even the factors that heavily influence our external control are statistically becoming more difficult for those in western cultures to achieve for themselves in accessibility in our car/city centric designed societies.

-SidSilver- · 2025-02-14T10:19:37+00:00

The lazy answer in this conundrum is the one we've been hearing over and over and over since, well, basically the dawn of time.

Work on yourself, men.

It's not advice anyone particularly needs because it's advice baked into the very nature of dating (side note: the same model of dating people have been complaining about for about a decade now, because of all the 'harmful gender impositions' it foists on everyone) in fact it's been hammered in, and is starting to look more and more like an excuse for resisting change.

I'm not by any means saying that taking care of your health and appearance (at least to some extent) is wrong. Not at all. You bring up some good points (although fitness like running, hiking outdoors, climbing etc > Gym, only the former are good for your mental health, which is more important than spending large chunks of your life trying to live up to the increasingly outlandish standards straight women have) about not completely externalising where the control is.

The problem you've got is context. The standards men and women have for each other are atavistic. Lazy fallbacks based primarily on short-term lust. The environment of freemarket capitalism has created a society whose only purpose is to scratch those 'quick hit' itches in the most extreme ways, and that's what dating apps have done. No wonder people are dissatisfied. The system's been amplified to almost deafening levels.

Ignore that context at your peril. Or don't. There's a growing steroid abuse problem here in the UK - for example - for a reason, and it's not because men 'aren't pulling themselves up by their bootstraps'.

ThatBitchA · 2025-02-14T15:54:01+00:00

I think it's really strange that some men need to be told to work out, take care of their skin, and shower regularly.

These are basic adulting tasks. It's bizarre to me that they are touted as something to "get women".

No wonder they aren't getting women. They are doing the bare minimum and expecting top shelf results.

RoseyButterflies · 2025-02-14T10:55:48+00:00

Agree I think it's very common in men to blame others and society and circumstances rather than working on changable factors.

LaloTwinsDa2nd · 2025-02-14T09:08:42+00:00

Not Red Pill Men

I_DOM_UR_PATRIARCHY · 2025-02-14T10:08:48+00:00

Good post

Freevoulous · 2025-02-14T13:49:04+00:00

While true, this is not just about dating, but a bigger gender-wide problem with men. I see the same externalization and learned helplessness at work, in business, when it comes to health, fitness, even passions and hobbies.

And inversely, I noticed that men who "get it together" in some other aspect of life somehow magically do better with women. The moment a man starts self-improving in any aspect of his life, it kinda bleeds into other things subconsciously.

That's why hitting the gym is so important. Its not just about the muscles you grow, its the realization that effort - > gains, and that it applies to everything in life.

Kanenas_T_Potas · 2025-02-14T12:33:12+00:00

I totally agree with this post.

By literally just working out my body and growing my muscles, getting a real skin care routine (easiest thing ever that men in my life refuse for no reason), and fixing my dental health (getting Invisalign and also whitening) genuinely transformed me as a person. Process took me about 1.5yrs and I’m still hitting the gym consistently, so I’ll only be getting more substantial if I keep it up.

Most people who claim that this doesn't work have not consistently done any of thèse things for an extended période of time. The glow up you can get from it is pretty cool.

But my confidence was boosted through the roof after a year, and that’s the key that women literally tell us we need. And they aren’t lying. This doesn’t mean that you are entitled to women after you do this, don’t be that guy or else you’ll grow resentful. But it allows you to have standards for yourself that at least I personally didn’t even have (I was desperate honestly and would have taken anyone that accepted me back then).

The key to being attractive is being confident. To get healthy confidence you need toi improve yourself consistently. Most people who once we're dating coaches and gave healthy, sound advice, basically said the same thing.

Title	Men typically have an external locus of control mindset when it comes to dating and generally underestimate the effectiveness of working on themselves
Author	Expensive-Amoeba-141
Upvotes	43
Comments	432
Date	February 14, 2025 8:22 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ip60jl/men_typically_have_an_external_locus_of_control/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-typically-have-an-external-locus-of-control.1543841 https://theredarchive.com/post/1543841

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