Men don't approach anymore ...

jumblesandtumbles · 2020-05-16T02:34:13+00:00

I'm gonna say this as a woman, so I'll probably catch hell from both sides, but I have experience in both approaching men and being approached. Is there an issue that some guys approach at terrible times and also men who approach and don't take rejection well? We all know it happens and it can vary from being just another moment to a minor irritation to a genuinely dangerous situation from the woman's point of view. Which has led to many discussions and arguments and suggestions varying from never approach to approach in some circumstances but not others, with sometimes wildly conflicting opinions on when an approach by a man is appropriate.

Now, let's remove the ding dongs and the creeps from that, even though they're primarily the reason we've made it to this point. The average guy, aware of this, is put in a conundrum. He knows to avoid approaching at the gym although there was that one woman on reddit that said it's no big deal. He's been told women are just out living their lives when at the store or shopping and don't necessarily want to be approached but it might be ok. A bar or some other kind of social event is probably ok but still, out just living their lives, so maybe not. He knows that immersion or faking immersion in something is probably a no go but a smike and eye contact might be ok but might also just signal a friendly person. He knows that if he approaches there is a chance of success, a chance of polite rejection or the possibility of public humiliation.

So while I completely understand and have experienced why women say what they do about men approaching, the long list of conflicting scenarios and situations of when and where an approach is appropriate is likely to be a deterrent to the average guy.

akihonj · 2020-05-16T06:18:31+00:00

Yes it true men have stopped approaching women, even in the UK I have noticed that it's less likely that men will approach women.

It's not hard to understand why, given the media coverage of #metoo and the furore around that. Anybody with a Twitter feed saw shit like, approaching a woman in the supermarket is a bad idea because she's there for shopping not dating, in work she's there to work not date, on the street she's going somewhere, at the coffee shop she's buying coffee.

Essentially approaching a woman anywhere is a bad idea, and when you as a man run the risk then of seeing all of that and knowing that at any time you do approach a woman you have the risk of being #metoo'd then you learn not to bother.

Now of course some are going to say, well that's just stupid, just fragile male egos. Okay that's fine but why is it men aren't complaining about not being approached as much as women are, fragile egos sounds more like a projection then. Also if you run the risk of losing your job, home etc what becomes more important to you, getting a date or paying your bills.

Now it could have easily been avoided, if women stopped this kind of shit to begin with, yes call out shitty behaviour but call it out on both sides, yes stop abuses but when people started to say approaching a woman in a gym is wrong, others should have been just as quick to say no I want that, approaching in a bar is wrong, no that's exactly where you'd expect it to happen.

Women didn't do that though, what happened was a French woman said this very situation would happen, and got death threats for it, got doxxed and dragged through the media and suffered abuse for months over it.

So while the metoo thing was necessary it was also a sword of Damocles made by women who now get the return of their investment. Of course many women will say great I don't want a man in my life, maybe that's the case for now, what about ten years time, twenty years.

sparklingscott · 2020-05-16T01:25:47+00:00

Because men are told not to be creepy and the only way to not be creepy is to be her type. So unless you're a fucking telepath you have absolutely no fucking way to know whether you're a creep to her or not because women are complete dump trucks when it comes to sending signals.

The real truth is women suck dick at sending signals. I had some girl smile at me while I was walking along a lake today. Was it just some force of habit? Was she just being polite? Who fucking knows anymore so fuck it. Better to not be a creep than risk anything in this idiotic society.

guypierre · 2020-05-16T04:24:43+00:00

Almost every women I know is in some form of a relationship, so when I see one I'm attracted to in public, I really doubt she's waiting around for some random guy to sweep her off her feet. It seems like most women have dismissed you from 50 ft. away, and never make eye contact again. All my best experiences have been when she has shown some enthusiasm to get my attention, by being close by, so we can do some small talk, and it becomes obvious she's interested. But, if a women was making a lot of signals, I would probably approach, because I don't care about rejection anymore.

InfidelCastro11 · 2020-05-16T00:33:14+00:00

That's what happens when men are told not to approach women

EqualFaithlessness · 2020-05-16T04:11:03+00:00

Crazy thought here...women should approach men sometimes

AidsVictim · 2020-05-16T07:08:29+00:00

I don't think fear of being labeled a harasser or #metooed is really the reason most men don't approach, that's just a cope. The reason most men don't approach is because women simply aren't interested and are actively avoiding sending men (in general) signals.

I don't think it's really that hard to pick up signs of attraction from women either - prolonged eye contact of a certain sort, shyness, initiating conversation, closing distance and body language etc are something most guys notice.

Cold approaching without those signals is awful for men and women, only a small percentage (guys that have spent a lot of time practicing it or chad) of men gets any consistent luck with it and most women are just annoyed by it.

Women like the idea of being approached, they don't like the average man and don't want him to. It's a case of high standards just like OLD.

darksoldierk · 2020-05-16T03:32:51+00:00

No, it's not because he had negative experiences in the past. I mean, guys are used to dealing with rejection.

The reason why men approach less, is because risk of approach and what the approach leads to is higher. If men are going to be accused of "harassment" and be called "Creepy" for going up to a girl and asking her out, or if the repercussions of the woman not enjoying the sexual encounter is the accusation of rape, then men will only take those kinds of risks for really attractive women. In other words, the women you hear saying this aren't attractive women. If they were, men would be willing to take those risks and ask her out.

I also find it ironic that your question is "are men that bad today?" and not "are women that bad today?". I mean, if women aren't being approached, the most logical conclusions is that those women are not desired. If a lot of women aren't being approached, then a lot of women aren't being desired despite the fact that nature basically does all the work for women considering that men having a natural drive to want sex. The real question is, how bad are women today, that men would literally rather be miserable than ask them out?

The_Arch1tect1 · 2020-05-16T00:37:01+00:00

Hashtag metoo and toxic masculinity!!

ha1ry_nipples · 2020-05-16T05:56:45+00:00

Why can't women approach men? What happened to miss strong independent woman?

Mimoxs · 2020-05-16T01:07:40+00:00

I doubt women are complaining men don't approach them. Why would they? Women have been asking and launching movements to be left alone for years

Ahleksx · 2020-05-16T07:43:29+00:00

It is funny. Women complain that they are not approached anymore but when they are they scream : help harrassement ! (Unless he is a 8-10/10)

Dustin_Bromain · 2020-05-16T07:58:36+00:00

Not sure how this isn’t a response yet but I’ll lay it out. Women want high value (top 20%) of men to approach them. When they’re complaining about “men not approaching them” what they actually mean is “not enough high value men approach me”.

Bottom 80% of males are not supposed to approach and should know that they are not allowed to approach women.

acenosk · 2020-05-16T01:28:55+00:00

It's pretty pointless these days.

30 years ago you were competing with her social circle, now you're competing with every Chad within 500 miles.

lestratege · 2020-05-16T03:50:16+00:00

> The reason why a man will not approach women is because he had negative past experiences.

That is incorrect in my opinion.

Any man who has approached women have been rejected countless times. None of those are positive experience for the man, it always stings a bit. I would say a very good ratio is 1 to 10: you'd need to approach ten women to get a positive response. Now that was back in pre smartphone era.

The fact that men don't approach women as much as they did, is not because their past approaches have failed. It's because now approaching doesn't yield any positive results at all, or even negative results.

Approaching women like I did back in the 90s or early 00s would qualify straight as sexual harassment nowadays. The reason is simple: before smartphones, women understood that they needed to be approached in real life in order to CHOOSE. If men did not approach, they just did not have any choice. So they understood that.

Second, they were approached by let say 20 guys a year (number would vary according to how hot they were). That was your competition as a man: you were one guy out of 10, or 20, or 50 for the best looking ones. You could play the odds: 1/20 is a 5% chance. It's like rolling a D20. If getting a date with a woman was scoring 20 on a D20, and you'd roll that once a week, you could basically score two or three 20s a year.

Now, with smartphones and dating apps, women do NOT NEED to be approached any longer. They get approached through these apps. Your competition as a man is not longer 20 other guys, but 400 other guys. Now in order to succeed you need to roll TWO D20 and get a 20 on both. And I'm not even mentioning that approach in real life and through apps are different: in real life you can compensate physical flaws with game. Not with apps: your photos are your game.

This has expanded women's choice twenty folds: where they used to have to choose between the group of men who would approach them, now they just swipe through profiles of men that would never have approached them in the first place. Actually, in order to steer men from approaching in real life, women have started labeling creepy and sexual harassment what used to be standard approach procedure: this is a control issue. A woman can control which man she allows to get in touch with her through apps, but she cannot do that with the men on the subway or on the street, hence the criminalization of approaching women in public spaces.

So not only the reward has completely vanished (from scoring one 20 on a D20 to scoring 20 twice on a D20), but approaching has even become harmful for men (#metoo).

Hence they don't approach anymore.

jayval90 · 2020-05-16T01:19:07+00:00

Men don't approach because most women aren't worth approaching for anything more than a ONS. And since that has gone down the tubes with #MeToo, what exactly am I approaching women for? The value they bring to a relationship? They are taught to be complete narcissists by our modern society.

Five_Decades · 2020-05-16T02:52:06+00:00

Social media, inflated egos due to online dating and the constant urge for the bigger better deal makes it a waste of time for most men.

BioStu · 2020-05-16T01:48:02+00:00

Women only want you to approach if they are attracted to you. The man must have some type of sixth sense to determine this

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-05-16T03:42:25+00:00

We got tired of women's bullshit, so we don't approach.

I don't see the problem with this.

Your turn, girls.

jayval90 · 2020-05-16T01:03:22+00:00

[deleted]

duce3612 · 2020-05-16T03:59:56+00:00

A lot of men dont realize that approaching women in public takes saavy. It takes subtelty and finesse. You have to imply that youre interested, but not be too overt. Tbh most men do not possess this kind of skill. They care too much about what others think and oberthink themselves. You wont come off as creepy even if you are, by just starting a genuine cinversation and not being sexual or overstaying your welcome. Most men dont possess this trait because we are internet people now.

limbojunkie · 2020-05-16T05:47:41+00:00

The juice is not worth the squeeze.

NarniaFox · 2020-05-16T01:36:15+00:00

I guess it's different in Russia. I haven't noticed any decline in the amount of approaching guys. I guess a lot of them just moved to online and do it there.

CommanderOfTheDeath · 2020-05-16T01:08:02+00:00

Women pushed that #MeToo and "sExUaL hArAsSmEnT" bullshit where even looking is considered harrasment by some mentally ill radfems. And now they will have to deal with the consequences. Less men approaching them, less man giving them compliments and less man interacting with them at work.

FeniZio94 · 2020-05-16T02:20:28+00:00

It’s not that we don’t wanna... it’s simply that during a time where being just a regular dude is a subject of comedy. How can you date in an environment where women can even land you a one way ticket to jail, that is without accounting for the portfolio of potential problems (from emotional abuse to divorce rape cases) that you get potentially involved

I mean is playing the ultimate Russian roulette worth it ?

wekacuck · 2020-05-16T02:21:48+00:00

The reason why a man will not approach women is because he had negative past experiences. He has tried several times and failed which makes him even more reluctant to make the next move. I firmly believe this explains why the majority of men don't approach anymore.

Is rejection some sort of a change in behavior on the part of women?

What makes modern rejection so much worse than in the past? Perhaps women more vicious in their rejections nowadays? Or is it something else?

wtffellification · 2020-05-16T06:39:45+00:00

Feeling consistently rejected has not made me more reluctant personally, it has only made me more confident. Confident about staying in my lane

SDW137 · 2020-05-16T06:47:44+00:00

Well, I'm trying not to get coronavirus.

MrReagan18 · 2020-05-16T08:50:18+00:00

Seriously though, why cant a woman approach?
Besides, from what i've learned or heard, no woman wants to be approached in public by anyone she doesen't know.

Plutonic_blue · 2020-05-16T11:55:06+00:00

Coming from a guy, here’s why me and some Others don’t really approach anymore. The ones we like are usually taken, the ones that aren’t are usually seriously rude and have attitude problems, difficult to simply talk too, many also may go around telling people she rejected you, also watch out for any words taken the wrong way, that could be a false harassment or rape claim made against you.

I mean damn is it too much to ask for the ladies to approach every ONCE in a while?

mydikishomofobik · 2020-05-16T13:52:44+00:00

Men approaching women in GSPPS countries in 2020 is CREEEEEEEPY RAAAAAAAAAAAPE. Women only want to be approached by certain men, so men have to be able to read minds to know which women want them to approach. Men are also the ones who need to get erections, so physical attraction is important to us. But if I'm physically attracted to 22 year old young women with big tits, and approach them, people will say "that's creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy". If I approach ugly old women I'm not attracted to, on the other hand, I may end up getting rudely rejected anyway or end up having to put up with a woman I'm not attracted to and don't really want to have sex with. Frankly I have no incentive to have a relationship with someone I'm not physically attracted to. So basically is a high risk, low reward proposition.

cuckspace · 2020-05-16T02:06:06+00:00

[deleted]

DopeMeme_Deficiency · 2020-05-16T06:16:28+00:00

For me, it wasn't about past failures in approach... Meeting women isn't that difficult. It's living with them for any period of time that I found overly burdensome. Because I know where it inevitably leads, I've chosen to completely remove myself from consideration. I don't even look at them anymore. Buh bye

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-05-16T00:41:27+00:00

[removed]

prettydrunk23 · 2020-05-16T02:15:07+00:00

Men still approach me.

mhandanna · 2020-05-16T02:52:33+00:00

Why woluld you approach a woman in the age of the onine dating etc?

Melohdy · 2020-05-16T01:38:03+00:00

Two words "Me too".

IamSeriousAboutDeath · 2020-05-16T11:49:54+00:00

I won't approach women because of how sensitive they have become to guys approaching them...

Original_Username7 · 2020-05-16T12:01:58+00:00

I stopped approaching because the juice isn’t worth the squeeze. Now once in a while I will get women reaching out to me, but I politely blow them off. Life is much better now than when I was dating and married.

ElGupo1978 · 2020-05-16T12:27:06+00:00

Does this mean the anti street harassment campaigns have worked ! Hallelujah ! Women are safe from the odious horror of men’s unwanted presence in their daily lives !

BSGTG1099 · 2020-05-16T14:09:58+00:00

Guys definitely approach less from what I've noticed yeah. Hard to think of all the reasons, but the two biggest I can think of are the risk that you'll be labeled a creep and subsequently ostracized and the risk that you'll be accused of harassment. Women don't seem to understand exactly how prevalent it is these days. Just last month my housemate got accused of sexual harassment for asking a girl I know out. His crime? That he's undesirable and abit crap at English.

Another friend of a friend got accused of rape for expressing interest in a girl. Completely ruined his reputation, despite the fact she later conceded it was a lie...

Having had numerous female friends over the years, I've seen how brutal women can be when turning down guys who approach too. It's not enough for them to just turn them down at times, they have to bitch and moan about them being creepy and all sorts. Guys see this stuff and they get scared. They then assume all women will be like this. Can't really blame them. Alot just are.

sparklingscott · 2020-05-16T00:53:45+00:00

[deleted]

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-05-16T01:11:14+00:00

I hear this quite often by women complaining they don't get approached and it begs the question: are men that bad today?

"That bad?" In what sense? They possibly might think that women aren't worth approaching anymore and that maybe it's time for that "equality" stuff to be put into effect. Women can start approaching if they're interested because men are tired of playing the guessing game. Approaching someone takes a lot of energy for someone who isn't just able to walk up to people and talk to them like they already know them.

The reason why a man will not approach women is because he had negative past experiences.

That's one reason, but it doesn't stop us from approaching altogether.

He has tried several times and failed which makes him even more reluctant to make the next move.

Again, that's another reason that men might not approach in the short term.

Logically speaking, a lot of men are tired of playing this game and it would be much easier if women approached so that we'd know they were actually interested instead of expending so much energy into approaching and learning to become better at it and wasting our time.

xXxINCELFAGGOTxXx · 2020-05-16T12:53:41+00:00

More like: Super atractive men don't approach anymore ...

cuz obviosuly they're busy fucking hoes form tinder, why would they approach your ass in public, lol.

The rest can just fuck off anyways, they're not in that equation.

2020-05-16T02:08:01+00:00

[removed]

Wallstreet3 · 2020-05-16T02:53:56+00:00

Q: Why the fuck should we approach? Why the fuck should we do a damned thing for women?

ThinkerBunny · 2020-05-16T05:00:43+00:00

Well, according to Disney's female writers for their female focused future, being dominant, aggressive, and taking risks is extremely toxic male behavior. Taking risks and being 'dominant' in terms of approaching and asking women out plays into that. What are men supposed to think when it's the opinions of women like these that are the loudest and thrust all over media and social engineering?

angry_ogunsoto · 2020-05-16T07:23:36+00:00

[deleted]

BrainlessMutant · 2020-05-16T16:38:30+00:00

Fragile ass men are so ego protected now. It’s an extension of “everyone gets a participation trophy” culture. T he n they turn around and say but she’s gonna accuse me of “muh seckshul harassment.” Like no dude. You have no taste on appropriate situations and severities to show interest. Sending the front office girl a dick pic and wondering out loud where your hug is from the new girl at the office isn’t the same as asking to sit with a cute girl at a packed coffee house. Many excuses will be made in this post for and against men.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2020-05-16T17:07:37+00:00

I think part of it is that women are comparing how often they are approached now compared to when they were younger. This would be the case for several reasons, 1) people put themselves out there less as they age*, 2) people are less attractive as they age, 3) the pool of single people is shrinking as you age, and 4) the % of single men who are age appropriate and are still interested in a relationship falls off a cliff as the years go by (as both the men and women age).

*) there are some places where it's socially acceptable to be hit on by strangers - bars, clubs, cocktail parties, etc. I noticed I go to these types of places a lot less after I hit 32; it's almost always a social event with people I know now.

-mrbr1ghtside · 2020-05-17T02:21:59+00:00

"Men don't approach anymore" is the same as "there is no marriage quality men anymore". It just means that they are not approached by the men they want.

redcbdit · 2020-05-16T03:02:39+00:00

Men don't approach women in today's society because of the single fear that it can or will be taken out of context and then harassment will show up (or worse) and take him out. I'm pretty sure rejection and/or humiliation is lower on the risk factors nowadays.

It's funny that women still what this chivalrous act yet only want it from their version of "chad" and will take offense or cry wolf when it's other than. In other words, it's a lose-lose situation so the only option is to not play.

It's just not worth it anymore.

DazzlingMolasses7 · 2020-05-16T01:30:41+00:00

I prefer it this way. I don’t want like 99% of men even looking at me.

phlegmdawg · 2020-05-16T03:10:27+00:00

Why would anybody approach IRL if you can just meet people online instead? Male or female. You can vet people so much better online versus going off the tinglies in your nethers from seeing them in real life.

Of course I am assuming this is a cold call and there is no existing connection between the two people otherwise.

Please be aware this is an extremely biased view from an introvert.

diffdedbed · 2020-05-16T03:46:43+00:00

Approaching has always sucked for most guys. Its a trope far older than I am.

Pretty girl, guy can't even talk.

Its not rejection that somehow is new. I was getting rejected before most of this sub was out of diapers.

richlad · 2020-05-16T06:24:25+00:00

Men don't approach because they think they'll not be able to keep up with the woman's standard and what's the reward? Most men are opting for porn for taking their sexual desires over a girlfriend who will eat into finances.

You can't blame men for being smart. They are saving heartbreaks, downtime, money and resources. Win win.

2020-05-16T01:47:01+00:00

MeToo

oOGrumblesOo · 2020-05-16T03:49:24+00:00

2 reason i think.

The sexual harassment Metoo uproar.

people in general have become more socially isolated from eachother. Not saying that's necessarily a bad thing.

Chaddamhusein · 2020-05-16T01:06:45+00:00

Online dating is the norm now , why cant you boomers get it?

LivingMonstrosity23 · 2020-05-16T01:56:41+00:00

Chad doesn't.

wtknight · 2020-05-16T02:11:25+00:00

Since women are the choosy ones, it's up to them to learn to properly send IOIs to the guys who they actually are interested in. If women are not getting approached, they are either not sending IOIs to the extent that they should be, or they are really unattractive.

YveisGrey · 2020-05-16T03:50:30+00:00

Men approach. I get approached often enough I mean it’s not an everyday thing but I have had men respectfully ask me for my number/coffee/dinner while out and about in public and I commonly get approached at bars and nightlife functions.

jasonhoblin · 2020-05-16T04:01:07+00:00

Nah, men will keep trying, normally. Failure is not the obstacle for men. Its the consequences, its the risk factor. Nowadays, the simple act of consensual sex means risk of false accusations and pregnancy means indentured servitude to the State. It not negative experiences, its the risk-reward factor that keeps men away. Its a culture of #BelieveAllWomen and the gun-to-the-head of Child Support that makes MGTOW more appealing. Women just aren't worth the risk.

AidsVictim · 2020-05-16T06:09:59+00:00

[deleted]

flyinghorse1 · 2020-05-16T03:12:06+00:00

Thats not true for me. I use tinder primarily and dont feel the need to approach as they may be in a relationship or gay or just not interested so I usually dont bother. I personally have still approached on a rare occasion but i've only done this if i know i will kick myself if i didnt at least say hello.

Killer_Queen_Daisan · 2020-05-16T08:54:03+00:00

Men don’t approach anymore because women tell men not to approach. Also, men intuitively know that approaching is fucking weird. Men also know that if you have the energy to approach women, then you have the energy to set up a dating profile which leads to better things.

You don’t ever know for sure if a woman is receptive to an approach. Even if she is receptive to an approach, you don’t know what will happen afterwards. It’ll get awkward as shit if she lets you talk to her only for “that to happen” when you try to... “escalate”? Get her number? Do shit to start the chase?

I mean seriously do women even believe themselves when they say that they want men to approach? Maybe it makes more sense if its “I want the guys I find attractive to approach me”. Idk. I don’t even believe that fully. Point still stands, approaching is retarded. Spend your energy elsewhere.

Ekaj_B · 2020-05-16T11:01:18+00:00

I’m a shy man so don’t approach hence why I’m alone but even at uni I would have said I was in the minority (although not an insignificant one).

The majority of men still approach because the alternative is effectively dying alone or perhaps some women who’s fucked hundreds of guys settling for you when they get older.

SeasonedRP · 2020-05-16T12:39:03+00:00

My take is that many younger men haven't spent much time interacting with women socially and don't know when or how to approach, which can lead to awkward situations. If a woman is interested, there are ways she'll indicate that and in effect invite you to approach. Men who've spent some time around women learn to recognize these signals and thus approach in situations with a high probability of it being welcomed.

MDBVer2 · 2020-05-16T14:08:07+00:00

As a man, I'm gonna say your reasoning is bullshit. He hasn't "failed". He's been rejected, and rejection happens to most people more times than it doesn't. He simply views rejection as failure, and doesn't know how to get over it.

What these men expect is for the women they try to approach to resolve their anxieties concerning rejection for them, and that shit comes off as needy.

Swistiannt · 2020-05-16T14:25:36+00:00

It's the 21st century. I believe women can approach men just as well as men can approach women. Just don't do it unless the person's giving u the signs. I approached my boyfriend first. In this world ya either do it, or you don't. A Dutch saying goes; "Nooit geschoten is altijd mis." Which kind of translates to; "If you never shoot, you'll always miss."

red-tea-rex · 2020-05-16T16:29:10+00:00

Two words: online dating.

If we assume cold approaches have the same failure rate as a swipe left swipe right app for an average looking guy (90 to 100 percent of the time depending on looks and standards), which form of rejection would you prefer on the daily? Plus it's so much easier to get rejected from the comfort of your home. Also I think guys are still hooking up with women in their social circle (i.e. friends of friends).

angry_ogunsoto · 2020-05-16T16:38:55+00:00

Thank you for all your replies. There are so many comments that I can't get through them all. I didn't think my post would get so much attention.

Fannyslappa · 2020-05-16T18:43:14+00:00

To be honest, I almost never approach because it never seems like a good time for that. I just let them approach me or let it happen naturally.

brackenz · 2020-05-16T22:08:19+00:00

I dont approach because of the very real very unironic possibility of getting permabanned IRL because "harassment"

wesborlandisagod5 · 2020-05-17T00:44:00+00:00

Women don't want to be approached if they want you, Youll know, they make it known

Silverfox17421 · 2020-05-17T14:35:21+00:00

Look at all the hamstering every single woman on this site is doing. None of them are answering the basic beefs that OP has brought up or if they do, their answers are insane: "
We don't want to be approached ever." Well that certainly solves the problem, now doesn't it? How the Hell do you any princesses hope to get laid or are you all just going to marry your vibrators.

That's not a solution at all, but it's the typical non-solution to a problem like this that women would offer. I'm also shocked that just about every woman in this thread is support this insanely misandric and anti-civilizational definition of harassment, which by the way, has nothing to do with the government's official and dramatically stricter definition that no one ever follows anyway.

It's also typical of women to angrily institute an irrational solution without thinking because the solution was put in based on emotion, like most women's decision. Everyone knows women are basically irrational creatures.

Giving irrational people the keys to our castle and the ability to lock all of us me up is classic insanity but that's what all the male feminists, cucks, wussies and girlymen have done probably in a vain attempt to get laid by white knighting for women. That's the real problem. That all of these men abandoned their brothers and went over to the Enemy (the women).

We knew the women would all get together and declare total war on us men and put in laws to thwart and hobble us every time of the way. No surprise there. Women want paybacks. But all these pussy men going over to the enemy has been an unexpected and disastrous development.

I'm really stunned that just about every woman in this sub supports the #metoo lunacy which effectively makes all flirting potentially harassment and hence outlawing it, all dating potentially sexual assault and hence outlawing that and all sex potentially rape, outlawing that.

You geniuses just made flirting, dating and sex illegal. Way to go, ladies! Good job! That was brilliant, ladies! Good show, good show! You go, girl! Do you really want to go forward with this insanity or have your emotions so hijacked your logic and what little reason you had before is now neutered?

Jimmy-Turnchapel · 2020-05-19T05:35:05+00:00

Occam’s Razor ... the simplest explanation is most likely.

I stopped because I was quite romantic believing we all had a unique essence and someone will love me for me... and after so many rejections I thought my unique essence was one of incomprehensible unattractiveness... after weighing up the evidence that was the only conclusion in fact and I was sure of it.

Then I read « The Game » learned how to act in a manner that I perceived as ridiculous and not unique, but which I was assured others would interpret as confident... and the rest is history I’ve never been unattractive since (or harboured harmful romantic illusions).

Haywood_Jablomie42 · 2020-05-19T15:26:37+00:00

Unless you're Chris Hemsworth, approaching women in public will at best get you insulted and at worst get the police called for "intimidating her". I just look right through them and go about my business. When I want to get laid, that's what Tinder is for.

Workaholiconew · 2020-05-16T02:16:13+00:00

Well... I believe most people here do not doubt these men had terrible experiences with women/the market and because of that is why most men are increasingly avoiding the market and women altogether.

However what some women in PPD seem to believe is that:

leaving the market is not a reasonable response to lack of perceived quality.
these men percrption of women is limited to a small subset of women (which is clearly absurd, but alas).
that they did not in fact suffered under these women and are just... well... lying... or incapable.

2020-05-16T03:20:13+00:00

That’s because of the “metoo” movement where any and everything is considered sexual harrasment.

I-Hate-W0men · 2020-05-16T03:48:16+00:00

Hashtag MeToo

CyJackX · 2020-05-16T02:30:49+00:00

I doubt men are approaching less. Even with harassment being a topic in the media, every horny guy thinks they're gonna be the exception that charms her. I say this as a guy who basically understands the difference between flirty energy and "fuck off" energy. I've never worried about approaching because of these other reasons.

CrossroadsinCtown · 2020-05-16T03:20:03+00:00

Why would they? Talk to 90% of the clown chicks in the sub and that's the way they like it.

trotofflames · 2020-05-16T03:09:06+00:00

This line of thinking is retarded. Men don't approach because "they have been turned down" they don't approach because they see the telltale signs of a woman who does not deserve to be approached by a man with any self worth.

High value women will still be approached. Trust me.

Edit: high value women and "thots" are two different creatures.

GennyX · 2020-05-16T01:28:13+00:00

Where are you hearing this? Because I’m hearing the complete opposite from women.

octocombo · 2020-05-16T03:16:41+00:00

I for one still do get approached in public if I'm by myself, and I wish it would never happen. I am happy when I don't get approached in public (for romance or for casual conversation, I just don't want to chat with strangers in real life ever), and even if I were single I would 100% of the time turn down a stranger who started flirting with me in public, regardless of how they looked. For three reasons: (1) if they're approaching me as a stranger, I know their only interest in me is because of my looks, (2) I have zero interest in dating or hooking up casually with people unless I'm friends with them first, (3) I want to be the one making the approach.

So OP, I think the phenomenon you're describing is fairly limited, both in the sense that I think most women aren't complaining about not being approached in public and in the sense that many men do still make approaches in public.

LeJacquelope · 2020-05-16T05:39:41+00:00

No, men are that good today, that savvy today. The millions year old game of pulling the wool over our eyes is over.

Million-Suns · 2020-05-16T15:15:35+00:00

How is that an issue?

Less approaches, means that women are less bothered and can enjoy their day...

SaBahRub · 2020-05-16T15:25:59+00:00

Who are these complaining women? I don’t know any

Appomattoxx · 2020-05-16T21:02:11+00:00

Seriously? Are women legit complaining about not being approached?

Pics or it didn't happen.

Christian_Kong · 2020-05-16T07:35:00+00:00

I agree with others here that most guys have a low percentage of success approaching but most women are kind about it initially. I worked in bars forever and seen a million rejections but usually nice enough.

I think now a days approaching in public is going out of style.

rosalia999 · 2020-05-16T09:24:36+00:00

maybe bc people are more shut off in general nowadays? everything is done online lol

topofthecentipede · 2020-05-16T10:12:16+00:00

Dude, chemistry in person is a MILLION times better than OLD, but I think it's hard to meet new people organically. Unless it's like a cute barista, waitress, etc.. and I don't wanna avoid starbucks if it ends badly, bc I rely on it 😂😭

901735 · 2020-05-16T10:34:47+00:00

Approach who? And why? If anyone craves approaches, perhaps it's a good idea to do the approaching so there will be a guarantee of approaches being made? The results of the approaching made are a separate topic.

slavicgypsygirl · 2020-05-16T22:08:22+00:00

I have the opposite problem of being approached a lot, even now during corona

My dm's are crazier than ever & I still get approached on popular walking trails

ItsOverBoyosLDAR · 2020-05-16T23:07:37+00:00

If she thinks you are unattractive you also risk getting metooed and being reported for sexual harassment.

a_nighty_boi · 2020-05-16T23:15:26+00:00

I think its majorely due to the fear of failure of society so its possible it could trenscend to men's fear of approaching women

Sid_Insidious · 2020-05-17T04:29:15+00:00

Maybe public approaching, like marriage, just needs to die and we replace it with human avatars on Amazon shopping for affection from other human avatars.

I mean, it's the only way women are going to filter the "wanted" vs. "unwanted" attention in any sort of systematic or efficient way.

As it stands, a man can't know whether he's "approach worthy" or not.

So maybe let's just kill off approach and put it all on social media.

You showing up on her phone is not an approach, and her swiping you away is not a rejection.

Sad, I suppose, for the old romantics at heart, but maybe better, or even essential.

But ladies - if he has to send 10,000 messages to 10,000 women to get a date for Friday night, don't expect him to write 10,000 unique specially tailored love sonnets - m'kay? It's not humanly possible to do given a 24 hour day and 40 hour work week. You're special, but so are the other 9,999 women he's asking out. ;-)

Think of it that way, if you can.

MisterJose · 2020-05-17T11:21:35+00:00

It's funny, because if you go to another corner of reddit you'll find women complaining that men won't leave them alone. It does take something to be immune from negative reactions and able to just move on to the next one, because you simply will get negative reactions sometimes if you're doing cold approaches, so some men just don't do that.

There's a huge problem, has been for a long time, where men are told how horribly scary, aggressive, predatory, etc. they are, and men respond by holding back. But, if you want something good to happen, 9 times out of 10 you have to risk being 'inappropriate' and take things out of the comfort zone. The recent #MeToo stuff is just another chapter in that; guys don't approach, possibly, because they don't want to be the next headline.

Bntt89 · 2020-05-17T18:05:28+00:00

Or women could approach men, it isnt that big of a deal. If you are interested in the person you might as well try.

RileyGhost07 · 2020-05-17T19:50:11+00:00

Well it's simple. Because it requires real hard work and dedication in life to do good in life, especially in a time, where girls are preferred even more in a job than boys. We don't want all of that to go in vain, by having false sexual Harrasment charges on us and getting all of it taken away from us

zerofeetpersecond · 2020-05-18T06:29:50+00:00

Dating is a sport where male players have to pass a tryout to warm the bench while female players automatically make the starting line up.

SuitableStart · 2020-05-19T06:23:56+00:00

You forgot #metoo

RimbaudsRevenge · 2020-05-19T15:48:34+00:00

Haha! I think so. When I was single last time, I for the first time in my life explored the freedom of not giving a shit what other people think. So long as I wasn't scaring or otherwise causing pain, I'd just go ahead. That meant chatting up a lot of women in bars and asking women out from work for a drink etc. I didn't give a shit about small embarrassments. Those are actually quite funny if you can look outside of yourself, and if you have conquered having that emotional shame-response, those situations are actually quite easy to deal with.

Anyway, I remember one instance of starting to talk to a woman in a bar. She had a boyfriend/wasn't interested/whatever, it doesn't matter. But she held me in conversation because she was just awestruck about having been approached like that, since she couldn't remember last time it had happened.

Asked out a girl from work. It didn't really click either but we went for a beer and she offered praise about how it was really cool I had actually done that. Like it was something very out of the ordinary. Before, I thought everyone else was brave enough and me one of few cowards who couldn't fess up. Turns out I was actually out of the norm for asking, and there was this unmet desire on the side of the women(?)

That was in the UK, 8 years ago. Don't know if relevant today. If it's gotten better/worse, but yes, I think some women are starved from not being approached, even if it's someone they ultimately decline as long as it's a flattering thing.

dmjdkfkgkvkfkr · 2020-05-20T12:34:38+00:00

Me too

dio_genes_ · 2020-05-23T11:56:34+00:00

Maybe. But why is approaching needed for the man to do? This might be true but there's no reason to think it's negative or bad. Really just means women could have more power. As a feminist that seems like a good thing. To be clear I don't mean it's a good thing that men had a bad experience and were scared into their shell. I'm saying it's a good thing women are allowed to do the approaching.

vicistvic · 2020-05-16T01:36:01+00:00

Modern society has instructed women to believe in their agency for the exclusive pursuit of sex partners. Women are supposedly empowered to be proactive and believe in their agency for the pursuit of sex which is quite a folly. Sexual interaction is now an endeavour worthy of higher respect than platonic interaction. Women have actually adopted a role similar to a whoremonger rather than a whore.

The-Wizard-of-Oz- · 2020-05-16T05:01:38+00:00

Or maybe she's old.

jkonrad · 2020-05-16T14:40:32+00:00

Let’s use your words but change the context a little.

“The reason why Bill will not have a fulfilling career is because he had negative past experiences. He has tried several times and failed which makes him even less reluctant to make the next move. I firmly believe this explains why Bill doesn’t have a career.”

Let’s try another.

“The reason why Tom can’t play an instrument is because he had negative past experiences. He has tried several times and failed which makes him even less reluctant to try again. I firmly believe this explains why the majority of men don’t play instruments anymore.”

The thing is, plenty of men have successful careers and can play instruments despite the abject horror of “failing several times.”

So maybe failure doesn’t make all men just give up and quit. Maybe it just makes some men quit.

The difference between those two groups is what you should be looking at. What is the determining factor between the quitters and the winners? The previous sentence contains a clue.

Iron-Giant169 · 2020-05-16T18:12:31+00:00

You’re first mistake was talking to a woman at all

skystar86 · 2020-05-16T00:57:02+00:00

Men aren't scared imo. But Instagram Stacy looks way better than most women. Most women can't compare to Stacies or Stacy lights.

AutoModerator · 2020-05-16T00:29:31+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

somegenerichandle · 2020-05-16T07:19:06+00:00

Yes, the majority of men do not approach. I think it's probably just exacerbation of not being approached by decent men which is why women complain. If by approach you mean not saying anything and either holding my shoulders or wrist or tugging my hair, yes this happens a maybe every 3-4 months. I just calmly say "please don't touch me." Personally, i wouldn't mind if more men made eye contact and used their words to start conversation. And this happens and it's fine, i just wish more of them weren't old enough to be my father.

Tomatoccino · 2020-05-16T08:21:08+00:00

Because we’re in the middle of a pandemic. Otherwise no, men still approach and pester.

justalittlehoe · 2020-05-16T10:38:14+00:00

I have never in my life heard a woman complain about not being approached. Most of us hate it.

rubbooyuri · 2020-05-16T14:47:05+00:00

Where are all these complaining women? Doesn’t seem like it’s any more whining than normal

Ballface8020 · 2020-05-16T14:51:31+00:00

I hear this quite often by women complaining they don't get approached

I'm sorry, I don't believe this. Women don't enjoy getting approached even by Chad.

figyg · 2020-05-16T22:33:56+00:00

I have had pretty bad luck with OLD, though I have gotten laid. But the ratio is awful so I had to pivot.

I do street pick up (well, before the beer flu). And I would say I've been decently successful with it. For me, it's either pick up women in public or not at all.

To honestly answer your question, I think most men now are pussies. They're scared of being rejected, so they tell themselves they shouldn't to avoid being arrested or whatever stupid thing is going on in their head.

It's like anything else, its playing numbers. If I go out with the intent on picking up girls, I shower and dress nice. I do what I can on my end. After that, it's a numbers game.

Some will be angry. Some will be in relationships. Some are weirdos or crazy. And, believe it or not, some will be receptive.

I'm not as good looking as the guys on tinder. I'm not 6'. So I gotta do what I can, which is looks max and be charming and friendly and remember to smile and make eye contact. If you're not socially retarded, you can figure out if a woman is ok with your approach within literally 1 second of talking to her.

edit: the more I read these responses, the more I shake my head. I genuinely wonder how many of you have ever actually tried picking up women, because it seems like the answer is almost 0. Stop being so scared. Women actually care less about looks than men. Yes, it's about their feelings. Not saying you can look like a fat slob, but If you can get a receptive woman to FEEL a certain way, you can have success. All about the feels, remember?

Atiesh · 2020-05-17T02:05:36+00:00

Is this real? I wish men would stop approaching me.

AnonPinkLady · 2020-05-16T09:14:28+00:00

I care less about who approaches who first, and far more about the balance of effort from both sides that comes afterward. I've had far too many experiences were men didn't even try or express much care for the relationship and maintaining it. I think this who approached who, who texted who first stuff, is kind of surface deep. We need to focus on equal efforts being made to interactions between men and women as a whole.

ivy176 · 2020-05-16T05:45:57+00:00

I don't want random guys approaching me at all, but I don't go to places where getting "hit on" is considered commonplace, like bars or clubs.

Women tend not to want to be approached if they're doing things like running errands, grocery shopping or exercising. I've had VERY terrifying experiences of harassment in those situations, way beyond "creepy" but actually very threatening where I ran for my life and was followed.

Men know that approaching women can be threatening, so many feel uncomfortable to do it.

I only want a man to make the move of asking me out if we have prior history and I already know him (and like him of course). Maybe we work together or both do some kind of class together, etc. But I'm quite "old fashioned" and as I said, never go to bars and I've never used a dating app.

But it's difficult for women because even though many guys can be creepy, she will fancy some guys and wish they'd ask her out. They may be more traditional women and not want to ask a guy out. I wouldn't ask a guy out, that's my personal preference. But I'll show him I'm interested in other ways to make it kind of obvious that he can ask me out. My mentality is if he doesn't ask me despite me flirting and showing I'm interested, then it's not meant to be, he's not my type and doesn't want to pursue me. I don't want to pursue a man in the early courtship phase, I don't want to take the dominant position and "woo" him in that way, and that's okay. But if I like a guy then I have to show him that. I don't have to pursue him in a traditional sense, but I have to show him that I'm interested and make him feel desired. I won't be the one to text furst or ask him out, but I will make sure he knows I'm liking his pursuit and that I'm liking a lot of things about him.

I think it's ok to vent online that you wish a good guy would approach or pursue you, even if you're not willing to pursue. It's okay to want things a certain way and be disappointed that you don't have it. You shouldn't have to change your standards. But it shouldn't make you really miserable or distract from the rest of your life. Venting is ok though, we all gotta vent sometimes and finding a connection no matter how sloppy and pathetic your standards could be is hard.

I don't think throwing your traditional desires to the wind is a good strategy for finding a partner if that's who you truly are. If you want a guy to pursue you then that's understandable. But we women have our own methods of seduction and you have to use them. If you sit there looking miserable or don't talk to a guy or give short answers, or anything that shows you might not be interested then you have no chance. But if you keep the conversations flowing and do some subtle flirting, men pick up on that. You don't have to give much away, I never hit on a guy or say anything sexually suggestive, not even close. But there are hundreds of ways to flirt and show a guy you're interested.

I think for women, it's important to be direct when you are not interested.. but this can be hard if you feel cornered or threatened. Women are taught to be polite, passive and indirect in order to minimize threat of harm by men. We have to be careful but it's important to be as direct as you can, if safe to do so. Online? In a bar? At a coffee shop? At the supermarket? Tell him straight up that you're not interested. If it's a date, tell him at the end of the date that you enjoyed the night (if he was a gentleman but you just didn't click, not if he was a negging asshole).. but you didn't feel that romantic type of connection.

If it's a guy you're into, make sure you show him you're interested. If he chats about something, keep the conversation going. Find subtle ways to flirt that come more naturally to your style and personality. If he compliments you then throw a compliment towards him into another topic a few minutes later. Drop some hints. If he still doesn't make the move of asking you out when you've made it obvious, then he lacks what you want and unfortunately it's gotta be - Next.

TheKarmicWoosh2 · 2020-05-16T00:31:14+00:00

Most Men are complete pussies.

Title	Men don't approach anymore ...
Author	angry_ogunsoto
Upvotes	211
Comments	797
Date	May 16, 2020 12:29 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/gkl0nh/men_dont_approach_anymore/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-dont-approach-anymore.664905 https://theredarchive.com/post/664905

Comments