There's a common analogy applied to dating from a woman's perspective: when you come across a snake in the wild it's safest to assume it's venomous.

I understand that, but it doesn't justify the fact that guys who seem genuine with well written bios and interesting photos, who send polite messages and don't try to inject vulgarity into everything or who approach in a tactful and respectful manner are often rewarded with overlooking, ghosting, flaking and friendzoning - at least as often as guys with more brash approaches from what I gather.

Casual sex? I guess these mild mannered men might not deliver the tingles and raw virility that many women find to be an aphrodisiac, but one would think that for long-term relationships, these men would come into their element and easily attract women's interest, yet that doesn't seem to be the case.

At this point women will often riposte 'being respectful is the bare minimum and doesn't entitle a man to a woman's affection' - first of all, apparently being respectful isn't actually the norm therefore it constitutes more than the bare minimum relatively speaking, secondly, I never implied that respectful men are entitled to a woman's affection, but it should at least make it significantly easier to connect, with women being more willing to meet and be vulnerable and pursue something long-term, yet quite often these men struggle the most.

You see what I'm driving at, but I want to hear your perspectives on it before I tumble farther down a rabbit hole.

Edit

There seems to be some nasty gaslighting going on whereby genuinely caring, empathetic men who don’t like making women uncomfortable or pushing their boundaries and aren’t naturally loud and macho are reduced to being boring spineless losers or snakes trying to slither into women’s pants by appearing polite and friendly.

Seriously? What absolute tripe

There are plenty of humble authentic well meaning men who are more interesting and self assured than some bold loudmouth asshole, but I feel that dating apps and most social settings aren’t built to facilitate their success