Men who value purity in women are really just insecure about the fact that it’s easier for women to get laid than men, more specifically, fear of that woman having more sexual success than him. And protecting a fragile ego is a poor basis for a relationship standard.

Choosing a partner to shield yourself from insecurity isn’t the same as choosing a partner for shared values, emotional compatibility, or mutual respect. It sets up a relationship where the woman’s worth is tied to what she hasn’t done rather than who she is, which is not sustainable when life inevitably challenges both partners’ self-esteem.

Limiting a partner’s sexual past doesn’t actually fix the underlying insecurity, it just avoids triggering it. A confident partner can accept that their significant other had a life before them without feeling diminished. If a man needs “purity” to feel secure, the problem isn’t women’s past--it’s his inability to feel worthy without erasing them.