It happens in two ways.

The first is deciding what counts as a "reasonable" standard. Men have a whole collective list of women they've written off. Fat women, single mothers, and so on. None of that ever gets framed as a preference, it's just how things are. A baseline so obvious it doesn't need explaining. Of course they're not options (unless a man specifically decides he wants that). The mere idea of questioning it brings out real anger, because it sits below the level where preferences are even discussed.

And then turn around and look at how women's standards get treated. Height, financial stability, wanting to be with someone sociable, wanting to be treated nicely. All of it gets picked apart, because women's standards aren't default. They're demands that need to be adjusted to what men actually want. She shouldn't want a tall man. She shouldn't want someone capable of providing. She shouldn't want someone sociable. And if she does want those things and holds onto them, she basically commits a crime. Everything that happens to her afterward is her fault and natural punishment for wanting too much.

His exclusions are invisible. Hers are a character defect.

The second is deciding who's allowed to want what. The whole "league" conversation is really just a power grab dressed up as observation. Men determine a woman's league. Men determine their own. Women can't be trusted to evaluate any of it because they're too busy overestimating themselves.

So when a woman acts like she values herself highly, it doesn't just confuse certain men, it makes them bitter. And the response looks a lot like someone losing control and trying to take it back. They go after her self-perception directly. She's not actually that hot. She doesn't deserve what she thinks she deserves. The goal is to control what she believes she has to tolerate, and to bring her back in line with what they've decided she should accept.

It's not about standards at all. It's about who gets to set them, and who gets punished for having them. His preferences are nature. Hers are a negotiation.