Guys, when a woman tells you “she doesn’t do hookups anymore” - what does that make you think about her?

SsRapier · 2024-02-17T05:35:59+00:00

Depends, highly depends.

Can i know for sure she finds me attractive enough? If i can for sure know she actually find me attractive, and would have found me attractive enough back then. I wouldnt care much

Now if I have the slightest suspicion she isnt attracted to me. Or if i know for a fact that she would have rejected me back then. No, i would never be in a relationship with her

Downtown_Werewolf_44 · 2024-02-17T07:04:51+00:00

A girl did that to me a few weeks ago

"I've done some hook up before, now I want something serious"

Not a problem, i've been doing lots of hook up myself, so I would not judge her on that. And I' m open to something serious with the right one, so it seems that we are looking for the same thing.

"So now, I won't sleep with you that easily, you'll have to work hard for that"

Nope, i'm out. Sex is something that is supposed to be enjoyable for the both of us, it's not a fucking reward and i'm not a dog waiting for his treats after a good behavior.

babazuki · 2024-02-17T11:45:03+00:00

She'd be wise to keep that to herself.

If a man said "I used to invite women to the Bahamas and take them to fancy diners before I knew them that well. I learned self respect and now I don't do that anymore.", should he expect people to like him for that?

He was foolish to act like that from the start, but telling people about his past makes people feel left out now in the present if he tries to pursue them.

alebruto · 2024-02-17T02:00:10+00:00

If she said that while trying to settle down with me, I would feel insulted.

wtknight · 2024-02-17T03:45:49+00:00

It doesn't matter to me that she no longer does them anymore. Just the fact that she used to do them means that her personality isn't compatible with mine and that I wouldn't date her.

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2024-02-17T02:39:08+00:00

Do you care?

Depends on who she is to me.

Does it change your perception of her?

It will leave a mental mark that she's no marriage material.

ChiBron86 · 2024-02-17T01:18:41+00:00

It means I'm gonna go talk to someone else. Not wasting my time working for something others didn't have to.

Zabadoodude · 2024-02-17T02:04:11+00:00

It's a bit of a wierd thing to say. Why not just say that she's looking for a relationship? It suggests that she might have some baggage, and I would consider it a yellow flag

Most_Read_1330 · 2024-02-17T04:45:01+00:00

I'd think she wasn't into me.

cassowaryy · 2024-02-17T09:24:15+00:00

Depends on context. If she’s a good woman and has had a normal dating life it’s fine, I get it. Most people have hooked up a few times and it’s totally normal. On the other hand, if she’s so extremely “sexually liberated” and “independent” that she has a long string of failed relationships and countless hook ups with random dudes then it’s a clear and easy no. Most of the time she’ll be showing trace habits of that “past” lifestyle too, so it’s not something that’s easy to keep secret.

Personally I do think that past a certain threshold of promiscuity a woman is far less likely to be a good long term partner and isn’t really worth committing to. Doesn’t mean I won’t take her seriously as a person, but definitely not as a partner.

TRTGymBro · 2024-02-17T02:44:02+00:00

Never had a woman tell me that.

harmonica2 · 2024-02-17T05:00:55+00:00

I would say it depends on her experience and why she doesn't do them anymore. It has to be case by case basis for me

ArtifactFan65 · 2024-02-17T05:28:01+00:00

I would think she's lying and just putting me into the beta zone because she doesn't find me attractive enough for hookups

Spyro7x3 · 2024-02-17T02:23:11+00:00

I don't like the sound of it even though its technically a good thing

LoopyPro · 2024-02-17T10:39:17+00:00

Replace "...anymore" with "...with you" in my head and hard pass. Dime to a dollar, she'll drop the act once the right guy comes around, and I'm not okay with having to follow rules that others get to break.

kochIndustriesRussia · 2024-02-17T13:27:18+00:00

She still does hookups. Just not as frequently and with fewer dudes.

meisterkraus · 2024-02-17T14:07:43+00:00

The fundamental thing you are missing is that men want to feel desired as well. During the courtship phase of dating women are typically looking for signs the man desires them. They forgot to show the men they desire them excluding sex. So if sex is off the table you have to step up in other areas to show that desire. If you are not doing both then why would I want to be in a relationship with you?

purplish_possum · 2024-02-17T05:58:37+00:00

"doesn’t do hookups anymore”

My first thought is "yeah right."

Love-Is-Selfish · 2024-02-17T01:38:57+00:00

Depends. Why did she do it? Was it just one on one hook ups or did she do anything else? How old was she and for how long did she do it? Why doesn’t she do it anymore? Is she really not interested anymore? What sort of relationship do I have with her? Has she tested herself for STDs?

I’d prefer a woman who never did hookups, similar to myself, but people can change.

Kind-Dare7852 · 2024-02-17T07:56:32+00:00

Yes I care, I would see her different, but I wouldn't think less of her, I just would not be attracted to her. It wouldn't matter if she still did hookups and wanted to hookup with me either, I don't want to date someone who has engaged in casual sex, as we have different views on intimacy.

Anti_Thing · 2024-02-17T08:01:42+00:00

On the one hand, I'd be sad that she ever did hookups. On the other hand, I'd be glad that she doesn't do them anymore.

Her having ever done hookups would *probably* be a deal-breaker, though if she's repentant I'm theoretically willing to give her a shot.

David-Metty · 2024-02-17T07:13:40+00:00

It makes me realize that there is no future with this woman.

philseven12 · 2024-02-17T09:02:32+00:00

It mean she tired of taking losses from hooking up with dudes that she unable to get commitment and control over. It's sore loser talk, and is usually only said in front of men she ain't going to fuck anyways

Quiet_Firefighter_65 · 2024-02-17T01:24:04+00:00

Suppose were dating, means I end things, wish her the best and move on. I know we won't be sleeping together and I'm not dating a woman like that long term.

Barely-moral · 2024-02-17T01:44:38+00:00

what does that make you think about her?

She gave her best to men in her past and is not willing to give me the same. So I am not interested in her.

Do you care?

Yes. She is having different rules for different men, I am the one that pays more to get less, previous partners were the ones that paid less to get more.

Does it make you think more of her?

No. She remains the same. Just a woman. I just know that she is incompatible with the life I want. I want a partner that will give me her best as defined by her past.

Curious of your perspective

Anything she did for, did with, or tolerated from previous partners is something I want from her. In the exact same timeline. If she does not bring that to the table I am out.

Edit: mistakes

AdEffective7894s · 2024-02-17T09:52:57+00:00

I would think that she is not genuinely attracted to me.

I don't think I can handle that

boom-wham-slam · 2024-02-17T04:59:47+00:00

She's not interested in me. Because she's not serious relationship material and she doesn't want to hookup so that leaves zero possibility of anything between us. If she likes me she should hookup with me because that's the only legit relationship opportunity available.

MotleyCrew1989 · 2024-02-17T02:39:03+00:00

Than she did A LOT of hookups before.

And Im not willing to pay full price for a rental car.

RecreationalPorpoise · 2024-02-17T07:01:16+00:00

Makes me think she still does hookups

Specialist-Action-33 · 2024-02-17T09:04:52+00:00

It means that I won't take her serious to begin with

Do you care?

Yes. She has a much higher chance of being dumped if a relationship comes out of this

Does it change your perception of her?

Yes because she looks at me as someone not hookup material but husband material. She can hook up with 50 guys but when it comes to me she suddenly stops? She can expect to get cheated on.

Does it make you think more of her?

More that I will find another woman over her. In fact she may get ghosted after many months of playing along if I have the time to put up with it.

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-02-17T14:32:37+00:00

She 100% will hook up in the right scenario.

Also the shot clock is running out.

OmoshiroiKudamono · 2024-02-17T09:46:58+00:00

It means she is looking for a Basic Bob after being with Chad-Rone. She would be making Bob do 10x the work for 1/10th the value.

That IS her choice. It is HER body.

HOWEVER, it is my choice to walk away. No insults, no guilt tripping.

Just WALK AWAY.

Unhappy-Yak-8648 · 2024-02-17T02:51:34+00:00

I'd think she's had her fun in life and wants stability now.

r2k398 · 2024-02-17T05:42:03+00:00

I would wonder why. If she is ashamed of it, why did she do it? If she isn’t ashamed of it, why did she stop? There’s no right or wrong answer but I would wonder about it.

ThrowawayHomesch · 2024-02-17T05:23:18+00:00

There are only two scenarios in which I’d enter into a long term relationship with a woman

1) woman is very sexually attracted to me (I.e. the relationship started off based on physical attraction and sex or at least kissing took place on the first meeting)

2) woman is a virgin (no previous sex partners, not even BJ, or handjobs)

Your scenario doesn’t meet either of these two standards so I would not date that hypothetical woman.

MisterFunnyShoes · 2024-02-17T11:49:50+00:00

I’d think she didn’t want to have sex. Then move on.

Filmguy000 · 2024-02-17T14:34:43+00:00

It basically means that you won't get her best as far her sexuality or overall enthusiasm. Women are very good at detecting what kind of men they are interacting with for the most part. If they sense that you are a (true) nice, fair and even tempered guy that they feel comfortable with but don't find you sexually attractive, they will either put you in the friend zone or at best enter a relationship with infrequent and boring sex. She may in fact love you as a person but she will never be "in love" with you in the primal sense.

Women tend to clap back by saying that they only do hookups with guys they find sexually attractive but realize that it's only for short term pleasure. And that they hold off on sex with good men to make sure he's real. But in my experience, many of these women do in fact want to enter relationships with hookups (not always but often enough). But the dudes are the ones who don't commit due to their having options (which is associated with their appeal and why women were willing to hookup in the first place). Therefore women will find the less sexually aggressive men more appealing for long term commitment at the cost of sacrificing their lustful wants. And unfortunately, both the man and the woman suffer as a consequence in this arrangement. The man suffers because he is in a relationship with a woman who won't put out due to lack of attraction on her part. And she suffers because her new guy just doesn't have "that thing".

So to all the young guys out there, if you are dating a girl and she is very guarded sexually by the thirdish date (meaning no physical contact, making out, fooling around, etc) don't pursue her. The only exceptions are women that truly have little to no prior experiences with other men. But if you know for a fact that she did have a period of hookups, and she discloses "I don't do hookups" just run. Take it from a veteran who was in the field for over 20 years.

Legitimate_Type_1324 · 2024-02-17T06:16:04+00:00

If the girl was into the hookup life, she's only considered for entertainment only.

Promiscuity changes people. I'm not dealing with that.

ColbyXXXX · 2024-02-17T12:47:41+00:00

Means I’m not attractive enough or she doesn’t know me well enough. The hookups never really stop.

SlowEffective8146 · 2024-02-17T02:08:50+00:00

Of course I care. I would not take a woman like this seriously, but I'd still try to fuck her. She'd be put immediately in "no longer marriage material" category.

Sessile-B-DeMille · 2024-02-17T02:52:59+00:00

How would that topic even come up?

BZP625 · 2024-02-17T07:31:12+00:00

That means she is done with the promiscuous lifestyle, where she bangs on the first date, and is now looking for someone for a relationship, so she is going to make you wait. She's letting you know that she doesn't want the 'pump n dump' from you. It could mean she has a high body count too. Now it's your turn to decide what you're looking for.

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odeacon · 2024-02-17T12:31:27+00:00

It makes me see her in a more positive light

BlzzdSuxDix · 2024-02-17T16:02:05+00:00

Why no lock thread for abandonment by OP?

campskills21 · 2024-02-17T17:04:51+00:00

If she’s making out with me with her tongue down my throat and getting naked in my bed, but wants to refrain from intercourse then fine. If she’s not being passionate and says that I show her the door.

SillyMushroomTip · 2024-02-17T10:02:05+00:00

That she def gave her pussy up for cheap thrills and looking at me as her safe choice

SIeight_of_Hand · 2024-02-17T08:49:34+00:00

That means she’s still doing or is planning to do it, or she does it while in a relationship. But she just felt bad in the moment so she had to say it.

hari_hbp · 2024-02-17T09:32:59+00:00

I would be cautious.

I won't be initiating sex for the first time. She'd have to initiate and the longer she takes, the chance of a relationship fades - of course, it is a given that the dates are enjoyable.

BootyMessiah · 2024-02-17T08:45:09+00:00

My first thought is it should tell any man she says that to that she isn’t genuinely attracted to him.

But I really don’t give a shit about this sort of thing. If I made out with/got a blowjob from a 24-29 year old woman on the first date and slept with her on the second date, I’m not going to give a fuck if I found out she slept with other guys the day/night she met them when she was 18-22.

I took girls out to lunch & dinner dates when I was 16-19 and haven’t done it since. Would I want my fuck buddies who I don’t take on dates or take seriously until I’ve known them for 9-18 months to judge me for doing so if they found out? No I wouldn’t, so I don’t judge them for doing what they did.

A woman not wanting to hook up too soon when she did so in the past is no different than a man not wanting to simp or trick or enter a serious relationship too soon when he did so in the past. If women were as judgmental of a man’s “simp”, “trick” or “heartbreak” history as men were of a woman’s sexual history, there would be a lot of single people.

mineurownbiz · 2024-02-17T05:10:47+00:00

Depends on who she is.

Someone I'm trying to date: Good, that is kind of expected if we are going to become monogamous together.

A friend: ok.

A stranger: ok.

dominantoneforher · 2024-02-17T02:38:15+00:00

As a Dom I could really care less about her attitude relative to hookups. I am more interested in her kinks, attitude towards sexual exploration, and her sex drive. If she said she does not do cattle prods, whips, or chains anymore then I would definitely have a different perspective.

KayRay1994 · 2024-02-17T14:25:43+00:00

It means she used to hook up, and her values changed with time. Simple as that. If i want to hookup with her i’d be disappointed, but i’d respect her decision, if i want to date her i’d admire her for it because she was able to reflect and do something that fits her more

AMDisappointment · 2024-02-17T19:15:38+00:00

Recreational use only

keepinitreal567 · 2024-02-17T01:51:24+00:00

I think that shows she is straightforward and knows what she wants. Also she doesn’t have high exterior standards and wants someone with good human values. In other words, wifey material!

NotARussianBot1984 · 2024-02-17T15:25:48+00:00

How old is she? 25 or under?

Awesome, she wants a serious relationship and is interested in me.
Over 25? IDK it depends on if she's traumatized from the hook ups, and if she's not really attracted to me.

AnnoKano · 2024-02-18T02:02:33+00:00

I'd kick her to the curb. Hook ups for me, not for thee!

ktdotnova · 2024-02-18T04:32:06+00:00

I'm out for me. Not gonna be that beta provider she settles down with after she's done going on a cock carousel giving it up to random men for free and with minimal effort.

izoldetales · 2024-02-17T16:20:03+00:00

That she doesn't like the man she told him this

flextov · 2024-02-17T21:01:21+00:00

I would just look at her and nod while wondering why she told me that.

Guys, when a woman tells you “she doesn’t do hookups anymore” - what does that make you think about her?

Comments

When you had casual sex, it MUST have been with Chads you found deeply attractive. Since you’re NOT having casual sex with ME, that means you do NOT burn for ME and you have NO ATTRACTION for me

Furthermore, where is your empathy?

What do those men who mistreated her have that I don’t?

Title	Guys, when a woman tells you “she doesn’t do hookups anymore” - what does that make you think about her?
Author	d4rkw3b5
Upvotes	46
Comments	452
Date	February 16, 2024 11:47 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1asnfyi/guys_when_a_woman_tells_you_she_doesnt_do_hookups/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/guys-when-a-woman-tells-you-she-doesnt-do-hookups.1245616 https://theredarchive.com/post/1245616