If your partner does this, RUN in the opposite direction. This is abuse and a power play.

electric_taffy · 2021-03-28T18:15:08+00:00

Ugh YES. Before FDS I dated this loser alcoholic and when we first met and he was "nice" to me, I was always trying not to walk faster than him because he was stumbling around.

Once he got more comfortable being outright disrespectful towards me he ALWAYS walked fast and about 10 feet ahead of me. Never next to me. And he's 6'2 vs me being 5'3 so I couldn't keep up.

It was a power move. He just wanted to be disrespectful in any way possible.

shoelaceys · 2021-03-28T18:15:05+00:00

God some of these posts are just triggering old memories of deal with my LV ex. He’d do this shit when walking and it would always confuse me and hurt me. After I found out he was cheating it was like “oh did you not want girls to see us together?” God he was such a pile of shit. Sometimes I would walk slower just to see how far ahead he’d get and he would get a good distance. Fuck ‘em. And he had an unwashed ass so I mean good luck to the next lady.

caligulawillblush · 2021-03-28T16:33:53+00:00

If I asked my ex to slow down so I could run alongside him he said I was holding him back and ruining his progress, and being unsupportive. His attitude quickly changed when I became faster than him, and would threaten to go home if I ran ahead... why even be that fragile about running pace it’s so pathetic.

ninetiesbaby16 · 2021-03-28T17:16:20+00:00

Men always do this to me: walk super fast to the point I’m doing a weird power walk/half jog to keep up while hyperventilating. If I ask them to slow down they huff and roll their eyes. I honestly thought I was the problem and I was inconveniencing them with my slow walking. This post kinda opened my eyes.

drunkenwithlust · 2021-03-28T17:40:18+00:00

I actually started running for fun this February. My youngest sister (who has been doing it for years now) will match my slow pace despite her being faster than me and we enjoy each other's company around the park. We will use hand signals to sign if we wanna slow down or go faster because we both have on earbuds to listen to music. My youngest brother also goes running with me too. Sometimes, he'll ask me if it's alright if he can go ahead of me which I'm fine with since he's training. Other then that, he keeps pace with me and never runs barely ahead of me like the guy in this story and if I want to stop, I'd tell him and he stops with me. Never whines or acts mad.

The things I learn about men from FDS. Jesus. Why make running a competition when you should be encouraging each other and be one another's support system? I'm sure he doesn't want to "lose" to her via running which is why he always wanna be ahead of her, put her in her place or whatever. Definitely a power play from an insecure dude and I'm pretty sure he does this in other areas of their relationship too. Get a grip.

Edit: I go running with my dogs every other morning. One of them is fast as Sonic and the other one is slow as a sloth since she likes to linger and smell everything. I'll usually match pace with my slower dog but if I go ahead with my faster dog, I always look back to monitor her (my slow dog) every 15-30 seconds to make sure she's alright. I'll stop at a certain point to wait for her to catch up, encouraging her to keep going and when she does reach me, I give her a treat and we go back to our pattern.

Never thought the day would come that I evaluate how I run with my dog, lol, but I do believe I treat my dogs better than this man treats his fiance when running. Quite sad.

carlther · 2021-03-28T17:01:19+00:00

My NVX was significantly taller than me, over a foot. Whenever we went anywhere, he would speed off ahead of me, even when I was PREGNANT. I would let him go, and he would have to come back to see where I went. I got so used to following behind, that I still continued to do it with subsequent partners. Some thought it was weird. It became a part of the physical manifestation of my low self-esteem, beaten into the ground by abusers. Don't let them get away with it.

fdssavedmylife · 2021-03-28T17:08:18+00:00

LVM are so weird and petty.

Side note, I’ve noticed this behavior while driving and it kind of makes sense now if the drivers are LVM lol

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2021-03-28T16:46:42+00:00

So I thought this was interesting that he was running a pace that was consistent with hers just 10-20 meters out of reach of her. So he’s not actually going faster. It has nothing to do with speed. 🧐

I had an ex that would do this shit when we’d go for a night out to a party or club. One notable night I was in McQueen stilettos and he was down the dark street refusing to wait up for me. I totally spackled over this behavior and put it off on his autism. 🤡:”He just doesn’t understand what he’s doing!”

If your partner does this shit, LEAVE THEM ASAP! It only get worse and more disrespectful!

2021-03-28T18:36:26+00:00

[deleted]

throwaway32132134 · 2021-03-28T16:44:06+00:00

Why even get engaged to him in the first place? This just shows MAJOR disrespect and bad character. I doubt this is the first red flag. I've been doing Muay Thai for four years. Wherever I spar or do padwork with a new person I am nice, patient and understanding even though they usually make way more mistakes than me and usually need a lot of direction. I've always appreciated the people that are kind, welcoming and patient when I learn new things so I try to emulate that. I would never act like this because it's disrespectful, we all are beginners at some point.

Nice_Pass2393 · 2021-03-28T17:25:48+00:00

Hes doing it to appear single

mackenzie013 · 2021-03-28T18:13:06+00:00

Ohhh the “walking ahead of people” is so irritating. A guy I went on few dates with (years ago); wanted to go running together. This is someone who complained about slow walkers on multiple occasions; I’m not walking slow by any means, but I also won’t jog to keep up with anyone - if you’ve got places to be, be my guest and BYE!

Turns out, he was really slow runner. He burned his entire energy within the first 3K to keep up with me instead of asking me to slow down for him. Then couldn’t keep up, started hyperventilating, and he had zero fun. But the issue was that he was so slow it actually became painful in my joints when trying to match it (the awkward pace when you can’t exactly walk, but it’s a bit too slow to keep running), so I told him we could walk or I’ll run and meet him at the end. He was NOT happy. 😅

Noniefruit · 2021-03-28T18:17:08+00:00

I had an ex that would always walk ahead of me when we were running errands while I was carrying heavy things. Never once offered to help or even stop so I could breathe. If I had FDS back then I would’ve left him two days into dating him lol.

_RustInPiece_ · 2021-03-28T17:07:57+00:00

I never thought of it as abuse / power play before. Perspective changed! Not that it didn’t feel shitty before but now it seems clearer.

I’m gonna venture to say that if you’re on an outing that is meant for you to spend time together and he doesn’t keep pace with you (assuming you’re the slower one) then you’re wasting your time.

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2021-03-28T18:19:31+00:00

"i'M loOkInG fOR sOmEoNE tHaT CaN kEep Up wITh Me - mY Ex coUldn't"

atreegrowsinbrixton · 2021-03-28T17:53:44+00:00

Yes, even walking ahead of you is a dealbreaker to me. Youre not together if hes 20 feet ahead

Apricot_Ibex · 2021-03-28T19:49:00+00:00

I had a roommate on a study abroad trip who would do that to people; she just was a very egotistical, awful person. She seemed to delight in ditching people by walking just slightly too far ahead, including a classmate with mobility issues.

If I couldn't stand such behavior from a person I could remove from my life after several weeks, why the hell would I tolerate it from a romantic partner?

And I do have a friend whose husband always ditches her while she's walking with their kids, which really hurt her feelings, especially when the kids were little and she could've used his help holding their hands or carrying them. He's been officially diagnosed as a narcissist and their marriage counselor told my friend there's no fixing him. This ditching behavior speaks loudly of narcissistic traits, IMO.

wordy_fries · 2021-03-28T17:23:48+00:00

Insecure scrote. Nothing new.

eveloe · 2021-03-28T17:34:35+00:00

OP, would you be able to comment the links from the second to last screenshot? Those seem like they would be good.

Edited to clarify

Throwawayrightaway28 · 2021-03-28T18:19:12+00:00

Since we can’t know where this was posted, can somebody link the resources that these women put in their comments. They could be super useful to us here at FDS

like_onomatopoeia · 2021-03-28T20:09:44+00:00

I experienced exactly the same on bike rides. As I pointed his behaviour out, I said clearly he is more than welcome to go in his own preferred pace but not with me. I am slower and if his “enjoyment” is more important than my company, he can do it on his own or with someone else. And that’s fine with me. Don’t ask me though to join. Also, I won’t ask for shitty company either.

Same goes btw for friends too. You meet to do an activity together, team up and set the pace to the weakest and slowest.

Phh, shitty and manipulative behaviour.

sacchilax · 2021-03-28T20:41:22+00:00

🤯 my ex husband would always run ahead of me. ALWAYS. I hated running and he claimed to love it so I chalked it up to that. BUT! Last year when everything started with the pandemic I took up running to lose some weight. I started veeerrrryyy slow but eventually worked my way up to running 12 miles a week (3 miles a day for 4 days). Meanwhile his lazy LVM self started to look like that which he was always on: a couch. It was disgusting. He actually started to get large man boobs. 🤮 After asking him for several months if he wanted to go running he finally took me up on it and what did he do? Started sprinting. Fast. Except his fat a** couldn’t sustain it and so he had to stop! Therefore allowing me to easily coast him by. AND he had us do the shortest route possible (which I was not expecting) and when I asked him if he wanted to continue on the longer route his wheezing a** said “pant pant oh no I can’t, I have too much work to do”

😑 it was a Saturday. He didn’t have sh*t to do. He was just pissed his LVM had really caught up to him and that he no longer had “running” as a thing where he could outpace & outrun me.

sigh so glad I left him.

myousername · 2021-03-28T17:51:17+00:00

IF HE WALKS FASTER THAN YOU, DUMP HIM

missisabelarcher · 2021-03-28T21:03:59+00:00

At the very beginning of my relationship with my narcissistic ex, the first "weird" thing he did was walking just slightly ahead and faster than me when we took our first trip together. It was a walking-centric destination and he would always walk faster than me and then wait for me to catch up. When I told him it bothered me and asked if he would mind walking slower, he sort of just scoffed at me, like it was my problem my short petite little legs couldn't keep up. I let it go at the time because otherwise the relationship seemed great.

Fast forward to eight years later, and being way more educated on narcs and the like, and this should have been the FIRST warning sign that he was an emotionally abusive, entitled, selfish narcissist. This is behavior that is meant to put you in your place and subtly assert superiority and dominance over you, and the fact that my ex wrote it off like I was being whiny was also the first indication that he was cold and dismissive and a massive gaslighter. I would have saved myself so much pain and wasted time if I had trusted myself that shit like this IS NOT RIGHT and taken it as the first sign of that he had emotionally abusive tendencies.

cherrypepsilvr · 2021-03-28T19:50:12+00:00

I used to live next door to a couple, and whenever I saw them out, the man was always walking at least three paces in front of the woman. It was gross. It wasn't a cultural thing either, they were white British, he was just charging along as if she just had to keep up.

stackofwits · 2021-03-29T01:15:13+00:00

When I was in high school and incredibly naive, I had a boyfriend for two years who was training for the Marine Corps and would make me go running with him – I am a jogger at best. I don’t concern myself with timed distance running because the best mile I’ve ever run was 7:15 in the sixth grade. Both of my parents are smokers and I was exposed to a lot of secondhand smoke - I cannot run like someone doing USMC conditioning.

If I stopped running to walk for a breather, he’d run in circles around me until I started running again. I honestly struggled silently with body image, starved myself for fun, etc. And the one time we showered together, he pinched the skin on my stomach and said, “yeah, you look good, but you could look better.” Meanwhile, one of my best friends commented on our prom photos that I needed to eat a cheeseburger.

It took me until college to realize I despised him, that how he treated me was awful. It took me way longer to realize that the way he pressured me for sex relentlessly makes me feel like a victim of something I can’t put words to.

This is all to say I’m so thankful for this group, this post, and especially this caption because I know someone out here needs to read it just as much as sixteen year old me did.

Thank you for posting this, u/ShieldMaidenLagertha.

throwmeupandacross · 2021-03-28T22:03:45+00:00

I'll tack hiking onto this too - I hiked once with my LV ex and could tell he was unhappy my pace (I was a beginner and this was a 1300m+ mountain!) He matched my pace, but he didn't listen when I asked for a break and kept pushing me to go faster to the point where I welled up.

My current boyfriend when we went hiking: slow, took plenty of breaks, offered to carry my bag. There is a point where you have to decide whether the exercise you're doing is a solo or team venture - people who act like its solo like this are not respectful. What fun is there to be had leaving your partner in the dust?

Zeniite · 2021-03-29T02:55:38+00:00

My ex was a cardiologist and a narcissist. When we got to the airport for one of our first trips together, he began speed walking ahead of me without looking back. I called out to him once to slow down, but he told me to speed up. Luckily I had read Why Men Marry Bitches and I felt inspired to put my earbuds in and slow down even more. He came back angry and tried to rush me, saying that he didn’t want to miss the plane even though we were something like 2 hours early, but rather than speed up for him, I’m pretty sure I said something along the lines of “Oh darn, I guess I might end up missing an awesome vacation”. They HATE when you agree with the shit that they know you hate. 10/10 would recommend. But 10/10 would not recommend even dating someone who makes games like these or tactics from Why Men Marry Bitches necessary. I find that book is good for managing a narcissistic or commitment phobic man, but not for a relationship that you can relax into and really build something (just my opinion though).

ariana_areola · 2021-03-28T19:40:20+00:00

My ex walked just far enough in front of me that when people looked at me like “why?” I could rub my fingers to signal the money and that’s all it was to me. It was great because he never saw it. Now that I’m financially stable, I don’t need to put up with that

fdsonlynoscrubs · 2021-03-28T19:52:10+00:00

UGH this post reminds me of 15 years ago when I had a boyfriend living with me in MY apartment rent free because I was an idiot and doped up on love hormones and he was in between apartments. We went on a run and one day in the first 5 minutes of the run he just ran across a busy street without me, that I could not cross because of traffic, and we just ran two separate paths that day. So glad that relationship ended just a few months after that but of course not until he moved out into his own place and didn’t need me anymore. UGH.

2021-03-29T03:13:41+00:00

POOP I just met someone this weekend I thought was special who just did this to me a ton of times in a row, and it definitely caught my attention.

I noticed it, thought it was like ew wtf, then my "slowness" threw off the mood. I was noping out all the way home, just to find this here! LOL. This place is real talk.

THANKS, SISTERS! You saved me again!

oliveial4185 · 2021-03-28T18:53:53+00:00

This is so funny to me, only because my NVX claimed to be a star runner so we would go jogging together and he always speed off. One day, I caught up to him and he was leaning against a tree, face redder than a tomato. He said he felt his calf "pop." I told him to stop running, but he put up a stink about being able to run for 4 hours thoughout any pain. Over time, I kept telling him to stop running and see a damn doctor, but he did not listen until it got to the point he could not run for more than 3 minutes, TWO YEARS later. He ended up finding out he did, in fact, tear his achillies tendon that day and he will never run or walk normally again because it did not heal properly.

whatsausername1000 · 2021-03-28T23:55:26+00:00

one of my good friends is a track runner and 6’4 with very long legs. i’m 5’7 and def not a track runner. him and i will go running together and while this man is a literal track runner, he always does his best to run at my pace (which isn’t great i’ll tell u that one for free!) and has never made me feel bad about it!

_boring_daven_ · 2021-03-29T01:08:45+00:00

My 5’ 10” ex (once he started getting abusive) would walk ahead of me and complain I walked too slow. I’m a fast walker despite being 5’ 1”, and I’d walked with taller people before and they’d never complained about it. He would walk ahead and then at some random distance he would stop and stare at me until I caught up (at my own pace) and then do it again. My current boyfriend is 6’ 1” and he’s never mentioned my pace being an issue. It’s not height, it’s whether you’re an abuser.

Vegetable-Cheetah694 · 2021-03-28T17:26:10+00:00

This is an interesting post and made me think about several men I've dated. Even my father is guilty of this.

Any time I've noticed this (usually out shopping), I would immediately drop my pace even slower and begin to browse. They'd eventually notice I'm gone and keep my pace.

Don't engage this nonsense. If this happens frequently and they don't recognize that you're nowhere to he found, take it as a sign to reevaluate this person. Either basic consideration is lacking or they're outright manipulating.

randomgirlimok · 2021-03-28T21:44:22+00:00

My NPD dad would always do this to me as a kid! He’s super short so you know he was pumping his little legs as fast as they could go lol

LavaDogged · 2021-03-28T19:39:01+00:00

I am a very slow runner, I never expect anyone to slow down to my pace, but I have never run with someone who pulled this crap. Even the NVM dudes I dated and ran with (im a sucker for beefcake gym buddy dudes so there have been a few lol) and had much faster pace than me always would do their pace, then run back to check on me, then go back to their pace, etc. you are so vulnerable while running, fuck playing these games

TriniGold · 2021-03-28T21:50:15+00:00

🚩🚩🚩

Magnolia_Mirage · 2021-03-28T20:20:01+00:00

Glad for those comments.

2021-03-28T20:42:31+00:00

My boyfriend always complains when I don't walk next to him. I don't do it on purpose, I get distracted and end up behind. He always stops and waits for me to catch up and then (lovingly) chides me for not being at his side. Never really appreciated it as much until this thread

toast4breakfast · 2021-03-28T21:09:36+00:00

I literally left a fiancé for this very reason. You deserve better!

njb6126 · 2021-03-28T21:14:14+00:00

My ex boyfriend did this to me too! But it wasn’t when we were exercising. It was when we were just casually going shopping or in the mall or anything that entails us being out in public. He ALWAYS walked ahead of me even when I asked him to stop. Wish I would’ve known this sooner. Would’ve saved me 3 years of abuse and manipulation.

tatrielle · 2021-03-28T22:01:31+00:00

woooww I'm so sad this happened to another woman too. I thought I was crazy to be annoyed when my ex husband would walk blocks ahead of me. At one point I literally just taxied home. I was so fed up not having a reasonable explanation for why I feel so abandoned. He would flip out on me saying I always want to start a fight about small shit or that he shouldn't "take me out" if I'm going to cause a scene..

mysecretdiary2 · 2021-03-29T01:44:45+00:00

Argh. I had an ex who would always walk faster than me and complain about how slow I am, even on holidays. Like where the fuck are you running off to, we’re on holidays??

Oh and we did both Muay Thai (I should’ve known better but my dumb ass didn’t.) and training with him was a nightmare. He would berate me for not picking up things fast enough and he’d be really bad when sparring as well. Being much too rough for no reason.

The man I’m dating now would never. He always holds my hand and makes sure I’m close and safe from cars, scooters or bikes.

daisy_0720 · 2021-03-28T21:44:10+00:00

[deleted]

Volperossa_ · 2021-03-28T22:36:22+00:00

I went on a bike date one time and he ended up completely leaving me, I called my friend during the ride to joke about it. It was literally night time when he left me behind. He’s hit me up multiple times since then to hangout again and I’m like ??? Fuck off. I do t understand the stupid power play for no reason, it’s not attractive

DisastrousSundae · 2021-03-29T00:01:40+00:00

WOW my ex always would walk in front of me wherever we went (not even doing exercise like running) and it always annoyed me. But I never brought it up because I could never articulate an argument as to why it bothered me.

jcebabe · 2021-03-29T02:09:00+00:00

My dad used to do this to my mom and me when they were married. We'd all be going somewhere together, get out of the car and then he'd take off walking so fast into the store. He'd start walking off before we even got all the way out the car. Both my mother and I felt like he didn't want to be seen with us. It was almost like he was embarrassed that he had a wife and kids. He didn't initiate the divorce, though he definitely caused it.

Whenever I hear stories like this is just makes me think the guy doesn't want to be seen with the woman and he's in some way embarrassed.

lanngloss · 2021-03-28T17:39:59+00:00

Came here to post this!! The women talking sense in the comments are being downvoted.

I run with men faster than me all the time. (Men who are not my fiancé - men for whom I am not the supposed love of their lives.) And they keep MY pace. Not even a step ahead of me.

pterodactylballerina · 2021-03-28T18:05:40+00:00

I just started getting into jogging, even as a very unathletic person. Even though my husband is also pretty sedentary, he was an athlete in college (we are in our late 20s now) and is very quick to get back into shape. He started running with me and keeps at my pace the whole time-even though I am slow and he’s not getting challenged at all. Even when I tell him he can move on past me a little, he always stays right next to me.

Female_on_earth · 2021-03-28T19:04:07+00:00

I have an ex who used to consistently walk almost 10 feet in front of me at any given time. At first I thought it was because he's taller than me, but with me being 5'9" it's not even like I'm short. I realized it was actually because he was an narcissistic jerk.

Eris_Adrienne · 2021-03-28T20:13:47+00:00

My ex used to do this whenever we walked together anywhere... One time we were walking in the city and I passed out (prone to dizziness and fainting) and strangers were helping me before he even noticed, because he was 2 blocks ahead before he realised I wasn't behind him. I also brought it up many times that it's rude (and now dangerous) but he never cared. Please never ignore it when your partner disregards your feelings entirely, you do deserve better

BackgroundNature4511 · 2021-03-28T20:21:02+00:00

This is eye opening. My ex did this with bike riding, hiking and stand up paddle boarding (which sounds silly but was the worst one). At least with hiking/biking I’d justify that he was more fit than I was and he’d stop and wait for me to catch up. But when we used to SUP together he’d always be like 20 yards ahead and it was just so frustrating because it was supposed to be a fun/chill activity to do together. When I’d go with family or friends we’d always stay close and chat the whole time and have a ton of fun. Meanwhile with him I’d end up crying by the end out of frustration. He’d end up making fun of me for getting upset over his paddle boarding speed.

Spiritedpolytheist · 2021-03-28T21:06:42+00:00

My ex boyfriend did this but it was a little different. It wasn't a "not checking to make sure I could keep up" kind of thing, but he would always speed walk (what he called a normal speed) to the point I was struggling to keep up and he would constantly check to make sure I was right beside him, and was always angry if I WASN'T directly beside him telling me to walk faster, calling me a "puppy" that was following after him. Thing is, I've always been a fast walker my whole life.

her_faculty_the_dean · 2021-03-28T21:46:19+00:00

My friend consistently did this whenever we went on walks for exercise (never when normally waking for some other purpose). She would keep my pace, but about five or six steps ahead, and didn’t understand why I found it so frustrating.

I think it was her messed up way of forcing me to push myself to work harder, but it was not conceptual, and she continued even after I made it clear it was unwanted.

Reading this thread has made me glad I’ve stepped back a fair bit from our friendship, and invested more energy into better friends.

throwawayathrowaway0 · 2021-03-29T00:31:58+00:00

I had a bf who did this. And he *still* wondered why I stopped running with him even after I told him I didn't appreciate being left in his dust when he was well aware how much I hate running. Thanks FDS for making me feel validated.

Side note, the last paragraph as the word "these" linked to something. I wanna see the other warning signs!

DumahDie · 2021-03-28T21:15:01+00:00

I was a picker in a warehouse for like two years (before all that walking on concrete fucked up my knee and I had to switch departments) and we do what’s called “walking with purpose” aka if I walked any faster I’d be jogging. There were a couple times I went on walks with family and if I weren’t paying attention, I’d just leave them in the dust. However, unlike these dudes, I learned to walk at the other person’s shoulder or behind them so I didn’t zoom into the distance. It’s just common courtesy...

janeaustenfan99 · 2021-03-28T22:21:12+00:00

She should pretend she’s running solo next time. Slow down a bit, enjoy the scenery, and forget he’s there. Run past him when he slows down, or simply jog in a whole new direction and head home whenever. When you do it back, they don’t like it and tend to switch it up next time.

queen_beastmode · 2021-03-28T22:34:55+00:00

I started a new job and the dude who I was supposed to be shadowing speed walked the entire time we were supposed to be walking the site. And then he turned around and shit talked me to my supervisor and made up a story of some kind of supposed injury of how I wasn't the fit for the (tech not speed walking) job because of that. She ended up calling me and interrogating me about my 'injury'. Stupid. Fam I just left that job one week in. That shit was stupid.

2manysnakes · 2021-03-28T17:05:20+00:00

growing up, there was this older, maybe mid 70s, couple i’d see walking all the time. the man walked 5-10 feet in front of his wife, she always looked sad and i never was able to put into words why it bothered me so much but i always found it manipulative

alexislynncatherine · 2021-03-28T19:07:24+00:00

My ex did this to me when we went ice skating. He was a lot better than me and would just skate off and I would have to keep up with him. I knew in the moment that it was a dick move too. After breaking up with him I realized that being single is far better than being in a relationship with someone that doesn’t truly care about you- and there are so many ways to tell if they do or don’t. This is a big one.

sarahjo3 · 2021-03-28T21:12:09+00:00

All of my exes have done this to me. Hence why I'm here 🤣

Vermotter · 2021-03-28T21:52:38+00:00

Ugh, I dated someone who did this ALL THE TIME. Now I can see why it pissed me off so much.

sarahsanchez1220 · 2021-03-28T22:16:46+00:00

Definitely a red flag. My first relationship NVM ex who would not bike ride or run with me and gave the excuse that he “wouldn’t be able to get in a good workout”. Same dude who also wouldn’t go to the gym at the same time as me because he “didn’t want to have to worry about me if he wanted to leave or stay longer”... it will come as a shock to no one that this same male was abusive and treated me horribly until I realized I didn’t have to put up with it and left. As women, we would never show this lack of care/respect even towards a friend, let alone a partner. Giant red flag...run run run

a-humanoid-from-1987 · 2021-03-29T01:13:03+00:00

Wow, I have this issue. My partner and I were living at a place a 5 min drive away from a great hiking trail and was saying how we should go often to get exercise. Usually our hikes together we’re just walking or we’re with a friend so it’s chill. But this time he just started fucking running and expected me to keep up with him, then got angry when I wouldn’t. I told him I’m not used to this running, I wasn’t aware we would be running, we always walk these kinds of hikes. Long story short, I cut the “hike” about 10 minutes in and made us go back home. He hasn’t once taken me hiking with him again, and on top of that he continued to go running by himself without me. And to make things worse, he went out casually walking/hiking the trail with our friend more than he went with me! Makes my blood boil thinking about it. Not to mention, he always speed walks in front of me in general and gets pissy when I can’t keep up.

favoritesound · 2021-03-28T19:02:12+00:00

Is it something that bothers you and wouldn't cost him anything to fix? Yes. And yet, he just refuses to? RED FLAG. Do you REALLY want to be with somebody like that?!

stg21987 · 2021-03-28T19:06:04+00:00

Not just walking but in anything I would do! My ex complained that I took forever to do anything. Cook dinner, clean, get groceries...etc. Claimed he could do things way faster than me but never offered! Fuck this is eye opening! What a fucker!

_s0meone_ · 2021-03-28T23:47:32+00:00

A guy dating my friend does this-

pineapplequeeen · 2021-03-29T00:38:35+00:00

My ex always did this. He would walk five feet in front of me and when I said anything he would say “well walk faster”. One time he was walking so fast in front of me and had the audacity to turn around and say “wow are you embarrassed to be seen with me or something? Why are you like ten feet behind me?” Dude....

MargotteL · 2021-03-29T05:00:31+00:00

My mom is in her 60s and a very good cyclist. She tells me that men often pass her to show off or try to outperform her but then they can't keep the pace and end up falling behind 😂

They just end up making fools out of themselves! Toxic masculinity is so dumb. 🙄

Suspicious-Leg-1407 · 2021-03-28T16:35:34+00:00

This is why I don't workout with other people. My body does what my body wants to do. There are good days, bad days, and medium days, and I just want the freedom to experience it on my own without worrying about how I am impacting someome else. Exercise barely has a social component to it.

I suspect that guy is like me but not self aware enough to know it or chooses not to communicate it. Or maybe he's just an ass.

_RustInPiece_ · 2021-03-28T21:16:01+00:00

To provide a positive perspective I'd like to share some green flags on this topic:

Sometimes it does make sense that he walks ahead of me. Eg when scouting or leading the way. When he does he makes sure to match my pace. He reaffims this constantly by checking in. He turns around, he asks me, how I doing and if I'm still OK with his speed. He stays within earshot. He makes sure that I don't get lost. He makes sure to not stress me in the slithest. He carrys my baggage. If he knows he informs me where we currently are. He familiarizes me with the current surroundings.

It doesn't matter if we walk, run or go by bike: He behaves like a knight. This is how it's done.

JMiLL615 · 2021-03-28T20:03:30+00:00

Extend the finish line without telling him and run past him when he thinks it is over... and see what happens.

thowawaywookie · 2021-03-29T00:25:14+00:00

My ex was the opposite. He'd walk super slow behind me.

blastdoll88 · 2021-03-28T18:15:12+00:00

It's just a dick move, cause if he really was faster than you he would keep getting further away and if he wanted to run by himself , he would/ should communicate that. And I think you are not overreacting this small behaviours, small moves are things that slowly eat at you. Besides who fck ING normal and with healthy personality goes for a run with somebody and doesn't run with them??🙄😤

woadsky · 2021-03-29T05:34:52+00:00

I confess I didn't realize that I tended to walk ahead of my ex at times. I think it happened mostly when we were approaching my/his apartment after being out. When he brought it up, I corrected.

That said, I had a friend who walked ahead of me so I know how aggravating it is.

woadsky · 2021-03-29T06:05:18+00:00

I was once traveling in an unfamiliar area with a family member. We were outside, it was pitch black, not even a shred of light, and I dropped something and needed to find it. She kept walking. :(

xeniaox · 2021-03-29T07:27:58+00:00

My NVX did this to me whilst walking anywhere even when I had to spend some time on crutches. He'd leave establishmebts ahead of me whilst I scrambled with my crutches and then he'd shut the door and walk away. It was so embarrassing because people would watch me getting flustered. Usually somebody would stop what they were doing to get up and hold the door for me. Power play is abuse.

abstractsadgurl · 2021-03-29T08:09:52+00:00

Honestly too relatable 😵

featherflowers · 2021-03-28T18:40:10+00:00

OP can you share the links from that commenter? They look good and I'd like to check them out. Possible resources for my pick me friends, one of whom is attempting a separation from her husband.

Qoti · 2021-03-28T19:54:29+00:00

Can confirm. My ex did this even on dates and it definitely wasn't the most dickish thing about him. My first ex, although things didn't workout, was much more considerate in all these little things and it translated onto the bigger things.

More and more I'm realizing the value of the phrase "how you do anything is how you do everything".

turd_deli · 2021-03-28T18:59:22+00:00

My ex did this when we first started dating and it would make me FURIOUS. Funny how I'm a better runner than him now.

Theincrediblesparrow · 2021-03-28T21:09:19+00:00

What a jerk! Anyone who thinks he needs to aggressively compete in activities with their SO, and tries to make them feel bad needs a reality check. He’s not being kind, or thoughtful, and none of the qualities of a HVM.

alienflowercatz · 2021-03-28T22:03:20+00:00

I’ve had this happen with a couple of guys..like someone else said, it is disrespectful. Guys don’t seem to care..I’ve yelled out hold on, please slow down..to the point I’m almost in tears because of frustration. I’ve had guys say they don’t like all the people around and want to get out of the crowd quick, etc. Hold hands with your lady!!

quasarbar · 2021-03-29T00:14:59+00:00

I want to see those links!

randowordgenerator · 2021-03-29T04:48:35+00:00

I am so angry for her.

I experienced this, from a friend who was a fast walker and didn't give a shit, to a date who I thought for a sec I would just turn and go home. shoulda...

godandgoddess · 2021-03-29T04:51:03+00:00

I was wondering if grade school bullies ever really change. Guess this answers my question lol

Repulsive-Ad1092 · 2021-03-29T15:03:38+00:00

Hated when I visited my ex. We were LDR and due to the covid situation we would only see each other during 2 weeks between months. He was trying to get fit so we planned to go for a walk before breakfast. Well, apparently he couldn’t wait until I had left. The second day, he just said “you know what? Your pace is just too slow and I would rather go by myself” Abusive asshole

catlady4u · 2021-04-15T23:48:30+00:00

My ex did this. It was one of many red flags glaring from early on. Never again.

Maude2010 · 2021-03-29T04:04:38+00:00

I’ve noticed that 95% of the time I see heterosexual couples walking together, the man is a foot or two ahead, even if they’re holding hands. I’ve pointed it out and been called all sorts of names, as much by women as by men. The thing is that he IS walking at her pace. Otherwise he’d be a foot ahead, then, ten, then a hundred, and so on. He just needs to be that little bit in front. It’s subtle but it’s important.

2021-03-28T19:08:22+00:00

[deleted]

palczo · 2021-05-12T08:03:54+00:00

How many more fcking red flags did I overlook... 😡

bancouvervc · 2021-03-28T22:04:56+00:00

What? I run with my partner occasionally but I like to run a faster pace. I'll run faster than him so I can get my exercise in and keep my pace.

We have a loving relationship. We're good. We otherwise respect each other and have lots of fun together.

I don't think this is red flag per se.

This is one of those things that can be morally ambiguous, in my opinion.

MadamCrow · 2021-03-28T20:03:04+00:00

this may be a dick move but its not abuse...why does it even bother you? let him run however fast he wants and just ignore him or go running without him in the first place

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SnooPickles4103 · 2021-03-28T17:10:41+00:00

Please send this thread to her. The only comment telling her to leave him and giving good advice gets downvoted, which could discourage her from listening to it.

HumanFondant · 2021-03-28T18:16:55+00:00

This doesn’t bother me personally but I can now see how it would bother a lot of people.

2021-03-28T20:57:15+00:00

[removed]

PowerBots · 2021-03-28T21:18:31+00:00

In partner running where I am from we typically match speeds so we can socialize but some people who are stronger/ faster runners will opt to run ahead and then lap back to us however many times they need to until we all make it to the same intersection to cross together as a group. We fondly refer to it as 'no one left behind' style. She should leave that loser

Uvuvewvewvew · 2021-03-28T22:25:30+00:00

My ex would do that as well. Every time we were walking somewhere hed always walk ahead of me. Keep in mind the places we’d pass by werent safe so i always had to run to reach him again because id feel unsafe walking alone. Then he’d always say its because he has long legs (hes much taller than me) and would blame me for being slow.

Other than that he never really belittled me, but still him doing that constantly really hurt. So this is something i look out for when dating someone new

2021-03-29T00:19:35+00:00

Omg my ex partner did this exactly!!!!

stella_chloe · 2021-03-29T02:48:04+00:00

It's all been said, but yeah no. I've been running competitively my whole life. I run with friends who are slower than me, and I match their pace. I run friends who are faster than me, and they match my pace. If any of us are training for a race, we'd just say 'hey, i'm training for something, so i have to keep pace. do you mind if i go on ahead of you/extend the loop and meet you somewhere/ we don't go on runs together as frequently while i'm pushing my pace.'

Also yeah, just pointing out that this isn't math lol. If you're actually faster, you'd end up ~miles ahead.

Title	If your partner does this, RUN in the opposite direction. This is abuse and a power play.
Author	ShieldMaidenLagertha
Upvotes	3134
Comments	272
Date	March 28, 2021 4:29 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mf48b5/if_your_partner_does_this_run_in_the_opposite/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/if-your-partner-does-this-run-in-the-opposite.766830 https://theredarchive.com/post/766830

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