Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered June 17 2020

NecessaryCook · 2020-06-22T19:37:13+00:00

We are working to review a bunch of modmail messages today (6/22), so it is a good time to send us a message if you have any questions about anything at all (flairs, post approval, bans and the like).

savethebeetrees · 2020-06-26T17:41:00+00:00

Before my ex and I broke up, he ordered a pair of pants for himself to my place. I just received it today. Thoughts on whether or not I should message him to meet and pick it up? Or should i just donate them. Ugh...

illusion_believe · 2020-06-26T17:25:51+00:00

I watched a video from a dating coach about how to know if your man is focused on another woman. She was so spot on 😳

Basically: 1)the dude is distant. He wants to do a lot of things that are “normally “ done with a partner alone.

2)doesn’t let you near his phone and become very defensive if you ask him to lend it to you or check it with him.

3)he doesn’t listen to you when you talk/isn’t really present . Especially if he hasn’t slept with the new girl yet. He’s constantly thinking about how he can seduce her.

Men are crazy

honeybeeroll · 2020-06-26T16:35:39+00:00

Does anyone else watch 90 day fiance? Specifically "the other way" one where an American goes to another country?

I started watching this show and the regular one during quarantine, as trash TV has become a beloved pass time with the close friend I live w/ lol .

Something I noticed in this season and last is HOW much the women talk about the "huge sacrifices" they are making by bankrupting themselves to move to their bfs country, by going to give birth (to a baby they got accidentally pregnant with by a guy who they barely knew) in bfs home country, which had worse medical care than the US, by marrying a guy they BARELY know, by moving to a country where women's safety is much worse than it is in the US, where they know NO ONE, don't even speak the language(s), don't know all the laws, are totally dependent upon their husband for their legal status, and have no financial independence.

They really talk like they're legit martyrs. I think it is ABSOLUTELY because deep down they're embarrassed - they know they've made enough stupid mistakes and decisions to fill up a mile long medieval-ass scroll.

But I also think it is because they have been raised to think that martyrdom is like essential to womenhood. Like "I'm a woman and therefore I should suffer for a man and be proud to." So they're looking at their honestly inexcusably bad decisions and turning it around like "I'm not in DESPERATE need of therapy bc im letting loneliness and irresponsibility run my life, I'm a ~martyr~" As though needless sacrifice is the pinaccle of existence.

It makes me angry - yes, society has done these women wrong, bombarding them with this gross, harmful definition of womanhood. But at the same time I don't have a lot of sympathy for these women bc we're all individuals who make our own decisions and should have common fucking sense. A lot of these women have kids and yet make decisions totally based on loneliness, naivety, or the pursuit of fun.

I'm of course not free of having made really bad decisions about men that have hurt people. I shouldve known better. My stupidity had dire consequences and it woke me up. I'm not going to have sympathy for someone and buy into their martyrdom story when they've got a history of bad decisions, dive into things as serious as relationships and moving to another country w/ no thought at all, and don't remove themselves from a relationship when the guy has shown them multiple times he sucks. Or has downright endangered their life (Jenny and Sumit anyone?)

redemptionbitch · 2020-06-26T07:06:29+00:00

Hello I'm wondering why everything I try to post doesn't show up or get approved. No response from mods either when sending a message. It said it needed to assign a flair for me and would be put up within 48 hours but that was a week ago. Thanks.

2020-06-26T04:41:12+00:00

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dzgata · 2020-06-26T02:28:21+00:00

Does anyone have the pdf to why men love bitches. It’s the main book suggested here that I really wanna read!

lasolterita · 2020-06-25T22:23:50+00:00

Frustrated.

Guy I liked kept taking hours to respond, so I did the same. Recently lost my phone, so I couldn't know if he'd texted. We also have an internet-based line of communication, so I messaged him there not to worry if he got no reply.
The gem decides to reply with, "I won't be too heartbroken if you don't text back right away :)"

Is that a neg? Or an insecure attempt at confidence? No clue. I was just being polite, dude!

honeybeeroll · 2020-06-25T21:54:05+00:00

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ithrewhimaway · 2020-06-25T21:07:55+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/hfowt5/got_sent_a_rage_text_over_sex_and_not_sure_how_to/

I kind of laughed at this. This girl isn't really mad at him, she's mad at herself for having sex with some goon she doesn't even know. God I've been there and I regret it so, so, so, so, much.

Warning, this is gross, don't read if you're easily grossed out

I remember getting naked with one guy and realized he had a TON of skin from when he used to be morbidly obese (he was very fit now). I was really turned off and disgusted by it. He wanted to do 69 and at one point I opened my eyes and realized I was looking at what looked like the end of a hotdog as my face was inches away from this dude's anus 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

The whole thing was disgusting and vomit inducing. I remember being irritated that he wouldn't just hurry up and finish already. He sweated profusely to the point where the whole scene felt like someone had thrown a huge bucket of water over it.

I wanted to leave immediately but absolutely had to use his janky bathroom to shower first, with maxim magazines stacked behind the toilet 🤮🤮🤮🤮

After I left, I realized THAT is one of the many reasons why you should actually love someone before seeing them naked.

Bodies can be gross or weird. Why be vulnerable like that in front of someone who doesn't love you or even know you that well? Why did I do that to myself was a question I also often asked.

Never, ever again.

girludontbringhome · 2020-06-25T19:34:49+00:00

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2020-06-25T17:24:43+00:00

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Curo_san · 2020-06-25T11:27:50+00:00

So I'm thinking about starting to date again but I always feel really bad about having the man pay on the first date makes me feel like a gold digger and guilty. How many dates before you determine if they're a Hvm? Also how do I come off assertive but not cold and bitchy?

glittersparklesglitz · 2020-06-25T00:12:48+00:00

Am I the only one who enjoys alone time and doesn’t want to spend every waking second with a partner?

FDStrategist · 2020-06-24T21:56:59+00:00

Has anyone seen the post in relationship_advice where a woman has lost it with her man because he told her he prefers fully shaved pubic hair?

She has some Queen energy going so far, that guy and all the LV commenters are beyond confused. I hope she dumps him

xoladybugxo · 2020-06-24T20:46:21+00:00

Hi Ladies, SO there's this guy I've cut off who I haven't seen since March. Over a month has passed since I ghosted, but he still has my earrings that were a gift and I genuinely want them back. Is there a protocol that would be ideal for getting them? I was thinking about asking him to bring them to his work for me to quickly pick up while I'm nearby. It also just seems like such a bad idea to try this at all. Has anyone had success with getting their stuff back post fall out?

Shaakie · 2020-06-24T20:45:43+00:00

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lady_clover · 2020-06-24T20:27:51+00:00

I just discovered this sub today. Thought it was over the top at first, but the more I read the more I realised how much of it is true and how much shit I’ve put up with from men. Been disrespected, lied to, made to do things I didn’t want to then manipulated into thinking I did want it. What’s worse is I was still talking to someone that treated me that way/trying to gain their approval/attention. It has to stop and I think this sub will help a lot!!

Mediocre_sinner · 2020-06-24T14:20:35+00:00

I used to comb through the unsent letters sub and cry and wonder if any of them were about me. Now I read them and think some are so creepy, shallow, and full of guys who think they deserve better. I went from crying at the thought of my ex writing one to cringing at that thought. Yay for growth!

redfarmmmmm · 2020-06-24T06:56:19+00:00

I met guy on OLD been chatting, he lives 2hrs away. I’ve been been really emotionally numb and apathetic but i also dont want to get hurt. How do i make it more interesting and approachable ?

honeybeeroll · 2020-06-24T05:32:33+00:00

New here, but damn, what a breath of fresh digital air. I have so much bottled up.

I'm in my mid-20s. I had to quit a job recently, at the worst time of course, due partly to family issues and partly to what I was registering as mild-but-demoralizing pick-me behavior on the part of my female supervisor. Spent almost three years at this job to be suddenly given a warning about expectations I never knew existed and for "using people I know as connections" (lol) to get leads six months AFTER she took a project away from me to manage herself and tried to use me as an emotional support blanket for the grievances she had about our socially awk marketing director. Meanwhile, my male co-worker, who is much older (older than my supervisor) but had the same job description as me, took five times as long to get his work done, literally kicked up his feet and watched YouTube, needed the same amount of feedback but received five times the praise. She also, right in front of me, downgraded my job title when talking about our work at a conference last year and kept co-worker's title the way it was.

Fuck. That.

Luckily, I have a financial cushion (because I anticipating needing to do this down the line) and a place to go once my lease is up/if I'm still job hunting. I'm also finally getting the therapy I needed to talk about the scrotes in my family -- i.e., a sexually abusive father and pornsick brother who may be a child porn addict (according to his ex, cannot confirm 100 percent) and who told me I'd only get anywhere "if I fucked my bosses" when I was 14 -- and the women, meaning every single woman in my family, who continue to carry these men on their backs, pump out kids, and blamed me for calling these men out on their abuse.

I'm wishing this week that I had a female mentor/role model, just so I can see how this cycle of making excuses for men isn't my destiny and to have a confidant in real life.

EuphoraAurora · 2020-06-24T02:04:24+00:00

I discovered this sub a few weeks ago, and it felt like a missing piece just clicked into place for me. I've been in a toxic relationship with a LVM and have been sexually manipulated, taken advantage of financially, and just plain disrespected throughout the last couple years. I've been working on clawing my way out of the relationship, building up my support system, and finding my own individual self again for the last few months, and finding FDS was the final awakening that I needed. I now realize that I have a ton of value, and I don't have to settle for someone who doesn't treat me like I want to be treated. I broke up with him today and feel so relieved and free and hopeful for the future. Thank you to all of you wonderful high value ladies out there for empowering me and other women through your posts and comments! Much love xx

WildContinuity · 2020-06-23T20:41:04+00:00

What do you do if you have a guy who you can't date but you want to stay friends with him? Do you just drop all strategy?

fdsforlife · 2020-06-23T17:01:04+00:00

I want to rant about the men who list themselves as "fit" yet are scrawny and have bad posture. I work out 4-6 times a week and list myself as "average". All hell would break loose if I listed myself as "fit" and didn't show up looking like a professional dehydrated fitness model. Yet office worker dude who doesn't work out think he's fit

Fab_member · 2020-06-23T16:20:45+00:00

Y’all I stumbled across this sub while posting about my relationship with a porn addict, and I’m so glad I did. I don’t know what to do. I know leaving is the obvious answer, but he’s such an amazing partner outside of this issue that I just found out about. He’s doing everything to recover, so can this be his one chance?

canwegetsushi · 2020-06-23T15:51:50+00:00

Hi Queens!

How do ya'll handle foreplay with a HVM you just started dating? I'm not speaking about sex, but we're both eager to start messing around, so what exactly is the timeline on this for you guys? 5-6ish good HV dates, met a few of my friends already, super caring, constantly going out of his way for me. Oral is pretty intimate for me, so I've been holding off.

Any advice is appreciated!

Cocotapioka · 2020-06-23T14:29:37+00:00

Just ended things with a guy I really liked. He seemed really great, thoughtful, generous, supportive, emotionally available, respectful of boundaries...but when I pushed him to define the relationship, he slipped that his interest in me was "emotional but not romantic" but didn't want to break up...even though he was planning to leave town (news to me). He's apparently known for a month that he was leaving, and that he wasn't "getting there" with me even though he wanted to "see how it played out". Even though he asked me to consider a week-long vacation in the fall with his family, so they could meet me (he later said, "Oh, I think you put more emotional weight on that than me").

He tried to make it better by saying we had "great times together", but his roommate told me after that he was putting on a front to portray himself as my ideal man, because he's a serious people pleaser. Studying up on my interests to appeal to me, pretending he was interested in things that he didn't like, etc. He also bragged about me to his social group (my looks, my hobbies, my professional achievements, etc.), which at first sounded flattering, but in hindsight, makes me feel like a trophy.

I don't blame myself for this, but I'm feeling pretty down.

swatir24 · 2020-06-23T09:59:42+00:00

I derive so much strength from the strong women in my life, my mom, my grandma, older female friends and mentors etc and now from the women on this sub. When I'm readings posts and comments here, I can sometimes physically feel that gush of positive energy and support.

I don't personally know any of you but I love all of you! Thank you for being my strength in these times!

sirenfantasea · 2020-06-23T09:28:21+00:00

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yegerska · 2020-06-23T07:15:35+00:00

I just wanted to thank this sub and all people in it. I was brutally discarded by my abusive ex and this sub really lifts my spirit. Thanks to all of you, girls! ❤️

thealamo369 · 2020-06-23T03:43:59+00:00

I am so much stronger than I was before.

I broke up with my ex almost a week ago. The classic LVM and I tried everything to get him to put some effort in and he never would. I finally asked him why he wouldn’t try and he said he was too selfish to put my happiness over his and clearly I was done after that. The next day I told him to never reach out to me again.

We haven’t talked since and he’s been texting a mutual friend trying to figure out what happened, even though if he just though about how terrible the relationship was he would know all the answers for why I left and never want to talk to him again.

I got a message from an old fuckboy who tried to talk to me while he had a girlfriend. I am obviously in a vulnerable place and the attention would have been nice because I’m going through a break up but I didn’t even think twice about responding to him because I know I deserve better.

Today I went to my exes place to pick up my stuff because he’s out of town. He left me a bullshit note saying he wants nothing but happiness for me and that he would always be open to talk if I wanted to communicate again but I know he’s just trying to find a way back into my life so he can use me again. I ripped the note up and threw it away.

Old me would have responded to the fuckboy for the attention and texted my ex because I felt bad for being harsh. Not the new me though. I know I deserve so much better than either of these boys (not men) have to offer and I’m not going to allow them to get anymore of my beautiful energy.

While I still hope to have a loving relationship with the perfect man for me eventually, I would much rather spend the time before that happens focusing on myself. I deserve nothing but the absolute best.

throwmeupandacross · 2020-06-23T03:20:56+00:00

I started dating this guy around 3 months ago and we decided to date with an end breakup in mind (I'm leaving his country at the end of summer). He's very consistent in his actions, listens when I exert my boundaries and is generally and overall loving and affectionate guy. What I'm struggling with now is how to tamper my feelings toward him now that the end date is coming up. Have any of you ladies been in a similar situation, or have any advice?

boringcatwrangler · 2020-06-23T03:05:51+00:00

Why do men assume that they need to speak like an extra from Friday After Next when communicating with me?

Like, sir... We’re not a monolith.

I’m mildly irritated.

mybellyhurts_ · 2020-06-23T00:55:00+00:00

What do you guys say to someone that says “we should meet halfway, do you know any cool places halfway?”

I don’t want to plan the date. But I’m not too sure what to say here

Edit: he’s asking what we could do if he were to drive up to see me. How do I state that he should plan even though it would be my home town and I’m most familiar ?

medbubble97 · 2020-06-23T00:28:05+00:00

Hello!! I found this sub a few days ago and have read up and it's been incredible. Love this energy and I think its honestly been what I needed!! I have a question regarding someone I am talking to right now and the situation is kind of complicated - not sure if it's worth to continue. Where can I possible post a question? My explanation is quite lengthy so I didn't know if I should ask here or elsewhere. Please let me know and thank you so much for all of this content!

WildContinuity · 2020-06-22T22:05:51+00:00

Are you supposed to treat male friends in the same way as this guide at all?

eng2fly · 2020-06-22T20:38:07+00:00

Hi lovelies. I have a friend who is going through a break up and I think it’d be the perfect time to introduce FDS. Any advice on handling this?

WildContinuity · 2020-06-22T19:32:04+00:00

What do you think you should reply if a guy says "sorry for not messaging for a couple of days"?

I didn't really message him either, but he didn't message me for a couple of days and sent a text saying sorry about it. I feel like I'm not meant to say it's fine but I don't want to say 'you should be sorry' haha.

Also how many days counts as him not messaging you back quickly enough?

purrlikabaws · 2020-06-22T16:07:09+00:00

Hi Queens! I've been dating this man, potentially an HVM for a month.. I was the biggest ex pickmeisha and feel awkward of expressing what I want. How do I let him know what I'm expecting from him and how the relationship would be?

ameliajean · 2020-06-22T09:04:16+00:00

(this is a genuine question please be nice 🥺) i’ve read the guide and may have just missed it, but what are we supposed to masturbate to if not porn? is FDS okay with romantic, feminist-y porn? or erotica maybe? or just, like, our thoughts/imagination? i’m down with the no-porn thing, but i just don’t understand what the alternatives are yet

Partyavoider29 · 2020-06-22T08:11:36+00:00

Why do so many adult men sleep with stuffed animals well into their late twenties? They're pretty unapologetic about it, too. This is actually a red flag for me now because I see it so often. It has less to do with what I expect from them as "men" than, "how can you, an adult, not have matured beyond this or not see you might have some work to do here?"

I have a lot of the same mental health issues as them, as do my female friends, and I cannot, for the life of me, understand the prevalence of drug abuse and other unapologetic "help me stranger I hope to eventually call mommy" tendencies I've observed in so many adult men. It does make me sad. Is it privilege? I'm just noticing fewer and fewer men totally unwilling to do any work on themselves and think they're one girlfriend away from fixing all their problems. What myth do you think they believed?

Just thinking about this

illusion_believe · 2020-06-22T08:04:49+00:00

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girludontbringhome · 2020-06-22T04:21:16+00:00

I was just thinking about how being single is nice because you don't have to report to someone about where you are all the time and be judged for it.

I remember one day I randomly decided to go to an outlet mall about an hour from my house just because I had a day off so why not. I am not much of a shopper and super picky so I think I came home with less than <$30 worth of 2 articles of clothing. I remember I told my bf at the time and he was so judgemental about me spending time and money to drive an hour away and not even buy that much. I mean that's just what I do lol I like long drives and going to different places by myself, just that in itself is fun for me. It's so stupid feeling guilty about doing whatever the fuck you want.

_insert_username_1_ · 2020-06-22T03:25:20+00:00

This is my first time commenting on an FDS Weekly Chat. I’m good. I’m passing my first online summer class in college with good grades. (A’s & B’s.) I am leveling up in all areas of my life due to quarantine. I blocked members from my former church on social media after they attempted to stalk/harass me. I also plan on baking banana bread this week. :)

kidnostalgia · 2020-06-21T23:44:44+00:00

Ladies, please lend your wisdom on how to recover from this situation:

A man you've been dating was willing to drive for an hour to see you for half that time. You told him not to do so because you didn't want to inconvenience him.

How do you re-establish the standard that you are worth being inconvenienced for?

My friend is new to FDS ideology and is a very sweet girl who regrets making this error. She is afraid she has lowered the bar in terms of effort to put into their relationship.

Edit: typo.

herefornownyc · 2020-06-21T20:59:03+00:00

Testing to see if my comment goes through, waiting for flare!

dzgata · 2020-06-21T20:28:49+00:00

Is it weird to follow a guy randomly on Instagram if they’re private?

I found this really handsome dude bc he was in a pic with another dude on an OLD app. His friend is not attractive so I didn’t swipe right obviously, but through his friend’s Instagram I found his Instagram LOL. And turns out we have mutual followers except I don’t know them well enough to wingman for me ygm.

I would never pursue a man like ever. But I would follow someone and like a picture as a signal for them to shoot their shot, and it’s worked before. This guy is soooo my type looks wise. I literally swipe left on everyone in OLD apps bc I don’t find like ANY of them attractive.

This dude attended my university at the same time and I never crossed paths with him. (I know this bc in his bio he has our uni name and grad date).

Or should I just manifest crossing paths with him in the future 💀

Let me know what you think ladies LOL

huixqui · 2020-06-21T20:18:27+00:00

I haven't had sex in four months, and I am happy to report that I feel 0 desire to. Prior to the pandemic I had decided to stop dating entirely in order to refocus on myself. I planned to still keep an old FWB around for an occasional hookup (like a nicotine patch if you will). Quarantine forced me to just quit men cold turkey. I thought I would struggle with it more than I have, because I have always been a very high sex-drive individual, but it has been the furthest thing from my mind. Don't get me wrong; I still masturbate – I just feel extremely apathetic towards the idea of having someone else join in on the fun.

I got out of my first serious relationship about a year and a half ago, and spent a big portion of that time having a lot of casual sex, ghosting and getting ghosted, and lowering my standards for dickweeds who ended up hurting me. I honestly think I'm just too emotionally exhausted to even think of pursuing something romantic right now.

My goal is to remain celibate until I get into another committed relationship!

orchideerose · 2020-06-21T18:33:03+00:00

Hi ladies! What do you expect in terms of contact after a first date and the time the man should take in setting up a second one? In my case he texted me after the first date (yesterday) to say he'd had a great time and looked forward to seeing me again, and before the date ended he was talking about things in his area he would show me 'next time'.

illusion_believe · 2020-06-21T13:07:57+00:00

I understood something. Earlier this week, I initiated with a dude on a dating app. After the first 3 jokes I noticed that I was the one keeping the conversation alive. I decided to pull back a little bit (i didn’t reply to his last text) to see if he would start to chase me . Well, nothing.

I initially thought that by doing that he would step into his masculinity. But nope. What I’m getting from this is that not every man in his mature masculine energy. It’s not because you are in your healthy feminine essence that you will trigger the “I need to chase her button” of ALL men.

He was handsome with a good job so I feel like he gets a lot of matches from pickmes so he’s used to do nothing and be the feminine.

I feel like this is how I can know if the man is masculine enough for me: if I do nothing, he has to come back to me. If he doesn’t, he’s not masculine enough for me

BasieSkanks · 2020-06-21T12:49:40+00:00

If I ever end up living with a man, I think I will advocate us having separate bedrooms and bathrooms. I really value my own personal space after years of sharing a room with my sister and then finally having my own room at uni, that I don’t want to give it up.

WildContinuity · 2020-06-21T12:22:56+00:00

Am I allowed to post questions about my specific situation in this sub? I have read the handbook stuff to try and find the right advice but I feel like I'm confused about what I should do because the situation is so complicated

veron1caaaa · 2020-06-21T10:24:00+00:00

Yesterday, I had a coffee/friendship type date and finally understand what a HVM is. While I don't think this will be a relationship, I immediately sensed how a high-caliber dude behaves: great conversationalist, initiative, positive energy, little gestures like gently moving me out of the way when a cyclist got too close. Made a few of the other dudes in my life look like emotionally-stunted pip squeaks. Afterwards I felt so good and respected. So thrilled there are good dudes out there.

nachata · 2020-06-21T09:12:40+00:00

Thank God for this sub. I've been more than tolerant with LVM these past years. All my life really. I kicked the worst (and last one) of them all out of my life two weeks ago. It feels amazing. I can't anymore with these low values, clear lack of emotional skills, needs for motherlike pampering. They better get their shit together because I won't spend another second of my energy for these childlike clowns.

I'm done with seeming nice to strangers, who probably have no other goal than feeding me sweet lies to fuck me for weeks. Seems like I remembered I was the prize to be won and deserved, not the other way around.

PugThugs · 2020-06-21T09:02:26+00:00

I just ended a 1.5 year relationship yesterday. He was my first partner I've had since I moved to the UK, so it was incredibly hard as it was like ripping off some sort of safety blanket and ending a friendship all at once. But, after many red flags, the thing that made me snap was after he called me a "cunt" for the 4th time. Yes. I gave him 4 chances. I told him name-calling was something which I would not tolerate, and as he had anger issues, he would be prone to outbursts and calling me names. I naiively operated from a "three strikes" policy but because I didn't want to give up hope that he'd change (spoiler alert: he didn't), I let him get an extra chance. Of course, something I said pissed him off again, and I got called a cunt. The thing that made him angry enough to call me that was when be compared me to his ex (wow), told me that even though "she was a bitch" she at least "still understood" his mental health problems. I asked him "why don't you go back to her then?" and then he told me "don't be a clever cunt" and told me multiple times to "shut the fuck up." I then hung up on him, then he proceeded to text me to "fuck off, you cunt."

I knew it was over and there was nothing he could do or say to change my mind. He proceeded to text me 25+ messages apologizing and trying to explain away his behavior and saying how our relationship was always rocky, and he even called and left me a 2 minute-long voicemail wishing me a good night and that he hoped we could talk about everything in the morning.

Yesterday (the next day), after me not replying or acknowledging any of his texts, he texted me at 7pm asking if we could talk. I called him then, and after a brief conversation, I told him this relationship couldn't be saved and that it was done. He said he didn't want to break up, but he understood.

He also told me that he called me a cunt because he knew that was the thing that would hurt me the most. His justification was that he wanted to hurt me because I had hurt him by telling him to go back to his ex. I tried to explain that how else would someone react if you were comparing them to someone you've called "evil" several times, and basically say that the "evil" person is better? Obviously I'm not here to be someone to constantly compare your ex against, but I always felt like that is what happened our whole relationship. Like he always was silently comparing me to her.

Other red flags were:

He still has his ex's things in storage. Yes. It has been the entirety of our relationship and then some, and he still has not sent her back her things, and the ex has had to keep texting him to pester him to send them to her. I've always thought this was a way to keep her in his life, as he wasn't over her and he didn't know of another way to prevent that "chapter" in his life from fully ending.
He would be emotionally manipulative and always try to place the blame on me when his actions upset me. It would always somehow end up being my fault.
He was incredibly emotionally immature, and would often use guilt tactics in conversation. After the 100th time of him interrogating my usage of birth control pills, and how I take them for a few months at a time continously to "skip" my periods (aka, withdrawal bleeding) for a bit, and after he once again told me I would become infertile mess up my body, I told him to PLEASE do his own research on the topic if he wouldn't take my word for it that what I was doing was entirely safe. I told him it was "annoying" that he was constantly criticising me about my perfectly safe choice, and that if he didn't believe me, he needed to do his own research on the matter as I was fed up with constantly having to justify myself. He then got very quiet and started to say things like "ok I'll go then if I'm ANNOYING," "I might call later to ANNOY you some more," etc. Not even acknowledging my very raw, personal feelings on the matter. Just tried to guilt me about what I said. He also always tried to convince me to switch to the copper coil because his ex had it and he said it worked for her and was "better" because it had no hormones. He would keep bringing this up even when I would tell him that BC is something which is a very personal choice and different methods work for different people. The pill has always worked for me and I loved that I had the control over my cycle, so that is why I wouldn't be changing it. He was never happy with my choice.

Anyway, there were many other red flags (his aggressive outbursts due to his anger issues was definitely one, and inability to save money due to his spending habits on alcohol and drugs, to name a couple), and I know this break up is for the best. But I'm still sad about it ending. I just look forward to the day where I can meet someone who values me for who I am and I have already been working on myself these past few weeks, having an introspective look at who I am and trying to figure out how I can grow and develop to become the next, improved version of myself.

vilanellescat · 2020-06-21T07:41:36+00:00

I've been lurking for a while on my main acct and finally decided to get a dedicated acct for my level up journey. I'm soo ready to stop being a pickmeisha forever

MakeURegret · 2020-06-21T01:30:12+00:00

Wish I’d found this sub earlier. But happy to have it now :) I’ve especially appreciated being able to read all the content over quarantine. I think had I not had this space during this time I would’ve really wasted my quarantine doing basically nothing. Having this space has inspired me to level up and kept me so motivated. Appreciate all those who keep up this space and contribute!

JoanHollowayWannabe · 2020-06-20T14:17:36+00:00

Has anyone read Meagan Good's book The Wait? Any thoughts? I've been completely celibate for over a year since the end of my last relationship, and was thinking of just keeping it going until I'm married - though this will obviously change a lot of my dating prospects. Are there any FDSers who've done this or read about it?

peachpy54 · 2020-06-20T14:16:21+00:00

[deleted]

illusion_believe · 2020-06-20T08:07:38+00:00

Studies showed that men know ah month 6 if they will marry you or not. What about us ladies ? When do we know ?

afrodeasyak · 2020-06-20T07:10:23+00:00

This sub combined with the lockdown, has helped me uncomfortably detox myself from terrible shituations, forgive myself and really got me thinking again about my value and my high standards.

Fragile and toxic masculinity, mind games and emotional abuse are not my problem, I am fulfilled and will continue to work on being there and better for myself and for the people in my life. I feel so much lighter since dropping the mindset of being with a man, truth is, they never added anything to my life.

glittersparklesglitz · 2020-06-20T06:37:35+00:00

Serious question: what do you make of it if your boyfriend says another girl is pretty? We were watching TV and he made a comment about someone on a reality show, “She’s pretty but she seems like a bitch.” At the time, I felt really confused. Something about it bothered me but I figured it was me being insecure. Tonight (weeks later), I realized, I would never say the opposite. “That guy is hot but he seems like a dick.” Just feels disrespectful to me to say something like that to a partner. Am I crazy?!

Linfin21 · 2020-06-20T03:22:04+00:00

A guy I thought liked me, didn’t respond to a message I sent asking to follow up on plans we had to meet up on Saturday. Did I do the right thing in unfollowing him on social media?

gigababejfl · 2020-06-19T23:55:43+00:00

So what's the plan for FDS

Certain subs made of men of course are committed to getting female subs banned and they are engaging in coordinated efforts to do it including pretending to be women to post bannable content.

Is there a back up site for this sub or will there be? Since they have gotten a couple of female subs banned for far far less than their own subs are doing (and their subs get to stay or get quarantined at best), this needs to be a real consideration

sofiacarolina · 2020-06-19T23:31:33+00:00

Feeling like I just took so many steps back and dont know where to go from here. Id been not talking to any man for months in order to heal and level up but then this guy who hits me up literally every time hes in town to fuck and ignores me otherwise, who i last saw And was intimate w/ on new years, hit me up and at first I was able to ignore him but bc im so lonely (my one and only friend, my female best friend moved to another country and i dont have any other friends bc I lost them all when I was in an abusive relationship) so i eventually texted back and Likr an idiot i thought maybe this time he wont ghost me. We spoke for three days and then ofc he disappeared. I dont even like him but missed the dynamic of male attention and validation and I just needed his approval so much but no, rejection as always. At least covid stopped me from seeing him and having sex with him only to regret it and feel used. But Im so so angry at myself for letting this happen again and I feel like such an unlovable pos even tho i know he’s the one with the issue. Im now drinking and abusing xanax Again when I had been super healthy with a good schedule and exercising before this. I hate myself and feel so used even tho i didnt have sex bc I was vulnerable as hell anyways which is intimacy. As a victim Of two abusive relationships Every time something like this happens I feel like another part of me is robbed of me. I just want to self destruct.

duckfeatherduvet · 2020-06-19T22:06:05+00:00

Finally got to end of my tether with my shitty male neighbour who's always stomping my boundaries. Bit of an argument with him this evening when he wouldn't take no for an answer and I'm emailing our landlord tomorrow to escalate things. Feeling angry and stressed but that's a good thing, it means I'm not repressing it like I normally would

happytoll · 2020-06-19T21:01:38+00:00

I still think about a guy (haven't decided if he's HVM or LVM yet) I went out with in March. He took me out on his bike to fun restaurant with a great vibe and the conversation was great. We kept talking until he dropped me off at home. He sent me a text the next day saying that I was an impressive girl bit he's looking for someone else. He sent me instructions on how to build something we talked about on our date. He put in a lot of effort and it was sweet. A few weeks later I offered him "platonic" cookies I had baked for friends who were no longer free. He said he wished he could but that he was abroad and coming back the next day into isolation. A few weeks later he asked me to join him on a day trip which I refused since the timing was off. A month later he asked me to join him again and the day trip was wonderful. I like him but we've never kissed, just really deep and fun conversations. Should I offer him cookies again and see what happens? I want to say that for me, friendship with this guy, not fwb, could be beneficial since I like his personality. I just don't know since I obviously want more and kind of checked out his ass when he bent over on our day trip. We didn't talk much after the trip. He sent me a video he recorded and we talked a bit.

myaccountiscool · 2020-06-19T20:05:30+00:00

I think the man I’m in love with is in love with me as well, but he’s so emotionally stunted that he won’t be with me. His loss. I’ve decided to walk away. I’m an adult. I don’t want to play this stupid game.

TravelingSula · 2020-06-19T16:33:10+00:00

Off-topic but super happy and wanting to share :)

I'm currently living in a small town where most of the dogs live free, which means they are kind of stray but not really because the whole community takes care of them. Actually, we have the busiest & more organized Vet ever because, sometimes, different people will take the same dog several times to see him and he would be like "yeah, this one is already being treated, earlier today someone else bring it".

Anyways, the point is, this dogs are happy dogs, super friendly and also observant. I've only been here for the past 4 months but they have already accepted me as part of the community. A few have adopted me, if I go hiking they join me for the day, they scort me to my house if I'm walking alone at night and lay down besides me at the beach.

This week, though, I've been feeling blue so I've stayed at home reading in the garden and they noticed!!! For the past two days i've been visited by three different dogs. They just enter, push their head gently against my knees, let me pet them and leave. The interaction lasts about three to five minutes but I'm feeling very much loved!!

sanguine_duality · 2020-06-19T16:23:10+00:00

Ladies. I would like your opinion and advice. My ex is posting PICTURES OF MY FACE on his profile.

For more context: Back when I was a pickme I dated the “love of my life”. An lvm who had a kid at 19 and was a disaster. Typical bad boy. I grew to love him because he treated me well at the beginning, even though we started through cheating (I apologized and made amends with his ex and now we’re on good terms). In the end, after almost two years he asked for a break because our relationship was codependent and awful. Then sometime later I took him back and a month later he started mistreating me online so I would dump him while I was on a trip overseas. I blocked him and never heard from him again.

Almost two years have passed and many of his friends have added me on fb, two of them tried to ask me out, and I ran into one was rude and gossiping on my face and then added me on fb. My ex would occasionally post poems clearly aimed at me. He even had another gf and he posted a CROPPED PICTURE OF ME saying he missed me or something. Last week I was stalking ( I know, my bad) and I realized my ex had posted a full picture of my face that said: “I fucking miss you, M”.

I almost messaged him to know what the hell but I realized I really do not want to engage with him anymore (after almost 2 years grieving him), I do not approve of him using my pictures but I really don’t know what I can do besides reporting them (fb did nothing). I would love your advice on this.

missamourcali · 2020-06-19T13:37:12+00:00

I wish there were a fds post in shy men. My new bf hit on so many points of being a hvm, but this almost made me walk. And he's the opposite of shy in public, or with friends, or meeting new people.

But with me? And probably others before me? He was very passive in asking me out, compliments, and physical touch. At first I thought he wasn't into me, then I thought he was possibly scared of me.

All of those things have gone away as we've gotten closer. But I wonder if we read men who are shy around girls they like the wrong way?

Amethyst_Lovegood · 2020-06-19T11:20:30+00:00

[deleted]

mangolime0 · 2020-06-19T06:20:54+00:00

Ladies, I need advice ASAP.

BetterToBeLonely · 2020-06-19T05:08:16+00:00

I got into the grad school program I wanted at a particular private university. I am so stoked. I already registered for my fall classes and applied at another institution to get a couple prerequisites out of the way. And in one week I start my other job skills training for state exams in another field so that I can work a job that can pay for school. I'm really scared of how stressful it might be while trying to care for my kids and also how I can swing it if my kids have to do distance learning again in Fall. But still.......i finally feel like I'm making forward movement on the career front!!

mer_nam · 2020-06-19T05:07:46+00:00

A guy I’m dating, doesn’t text anything all day and finally says hi at 7 just to disappear until 11pm. I cannot with this texting games.

girludontbringhome · 2020-06-19T04:14:46+00:00

Random rant, but I had a LVM ex who criticized me for talking about my job in healthcare too much, which is in a field I am passionate in. However, I actually noticed that my ex talks about his job a lot (in a closely related healthcare field), mostly ranting about how much he hated it. Whenever I tried to talk about things outside of work, he never wanted to hear about my interests that didn’t overlap with his, so then he would circle the convo back to our work because we were in similar fields. However, when we talked about his interests, then he kept talking and talking. I didn’t mind this because I cared for him, so his interests became interesting to me; however he never reciprocated this for my interests. I tried to break up with him (in person) first, he begged me not to. He breaks up with me over the phone, a few weeks later, and instead of being kind like I was when I tried to break up with him, he decided to twist the knife and reiterate that I had nothing else to talk about except work which is a reason why he wanted to break up.

I didn’t long for him after the break up, but I became extremely self conscious. I stopped reading any books or listening to podcasts related to my field, I threw myself further into my other hobbies and tried new hobbies. Then I was scrolling through Instagram one day. An acquaintance of mine is a grad student (in a field different than mine), and she actually has a separate Instagram account with commentary on what she’s learning and what she’s see at her job. Under one of her posts, she says how every day after class and work she will call her partner and just vent about what she sees. This post made cry because I really thought there was something wrong with me for having a passion in my field and talking about it with my SO. Keep in mind, a lot of my close friends are not even in healthcare and I am still able to relate them in other ways, I don’t have to talk about healthcare all the time. I think my LVM ex was just projecting because he didn’t like his job, was unsure of pursuing his field further, even though he had already applied and was accepted into grad school for his field. Hell, even my first ex (who is toxic in other ways) always supported all of my interests.

Fine if you don’t love me and don’t want to be with me, but why do you have to intentionally try to shit on something that makes me happy and motivates me? When I have done nothing but support you and been kind to you? It’s just cruel to attack people about something that brings them joy.

throwit0620 · 2020-06-19T01:50:18+00:00

Is it ever okay for a man to approach you at work? I work for a big box retailer and spend a lot of time assisting customers.

m00n5t0n3 · 2020-06-18T21:35:13+00:00

Hey Ladies! For those of you who have read Andrea Dworkin, would anyone have a recommendation of a good work of hers, or a good one to start with? Thanks

targ_goals · 2020-06-18T21:07:10+00:00

Weird thought, but I want to meet a man who meets my standards and looks at me like this:

A softening of the eyes, with relaxing of muscles around the eye and a slight defocusing as the person tries to take in the whole person is sometimes called doe eyes, as it often indicates sexual desire, particularly if the gaze is prolonged and the pupils are dilated. The eyes may also appear shiny.

Quoted from a site about body language. It's something I've seen consistently in men who are very attracted to me. Have you noticed it as well?

What I'm trying to say is that I want to desire someone as much as they desire me.

endlessgalaxies · 2020-06-18T18:27:09+00:00

[deleted]

DejaBlue_Chump · 2020-06-18T16:38:17+00:00

I'm a woman who is highly educated and works in a professional field. I'm not rich, but I'm doing well and constantly pursuing additional certifications to continue my upward trajectory. Up until recently, I've never required a man I date to be as successful (monetarily) in their chosen career or as educated as I am, but no more. If a guy wants to be with me, he has to be worthy.

lolumadbr0 · 2020-06-18T16:05:14+00:00

Haven't seen my bf in two weeks and imma die Infinite cuddles and kissies time.

illusion_believe · 2020-06-18T15:43:42+00:00

I watched that video from a male pick up artist. He explained how a lot of men act uninterested to confuse the girl or act passive (as a strategy or because they don’t know how to take it further ). I really don’t see what’s hard for them. Just be consistent and that’s it. Honestly I’d be a better man than 99% of men

A dude has done this to me. I didn’t just unfollowed him, I went on his page and removed myself from his following. He noticed and spent a week depressed .

Yeah, I’m not fucking with you. They all stay passive and when the girl leave they cry

throw2422 · 2020-06-18T09:03:16+00:00

My god ladies, I am lost.

I had already realised that my ex was a video games obsessed LVM when he dumped me and did my best to move on. We had been dating for about 2 years and we've known each other for longer. Our first year was a dream, our second not so much. He ended up dumping me for the most stupid reason. I wasn't that hurt or angry because I realised that if he could dump me for something so small, he never loved me like I loved him.

However, I was weak and took him back when he came back begging and apologising. It was going really well. It seemed like he accepted all my criticism and was really going to be better. Then he proposed. Out of nowhere. I said no, but maybe we could wait. We had a few awkward inbetween days and I decided it was better for both of us to break up. When I told him, he cried. I had never seen him cry.

Well since then, it's been a while. I haven't talked to him in weeks, I blocked him and did my best to move on. I went on a few dates and enjoyed myself but decided to stay single for a while.

But he sent me a letter, an actual mailed letter, where he apologised and recognised everything I ever complained about. It felt so...validating. I felt so relieved. He wrote that he'd wait as long as I wanted, and that he truly loved me, for pages. I don't know what to do with this letter. It felt so raw and genuine.

Is he manipulating me ? Is he truly changing? Should I consider giving him a chance ? Is forgiveness ever a good option, considering that our issues could have been something worse ? He isn't porn sick, he is far from a manchild, has his future together and our one issue was really how much time he spent on video games.

pumpkin-escobarrr · 2020-06-18T08:56:38+00:00

Off OND for a while after my recent encounter with a LVM i met on Tinder. He caused me so much pain by giving mixed signals and pickmeisha me began to chase and sacrifice my wants and needs for this man.

It’s been a week now and boy was it rough, i wasn’t ready to let go but damn i do feel like my shackles have been released. It was my friend who grabbed my phone and blocked this dude and deleted his number off my phone after the scrote sent me a reply full of excuses. I cried so hard because I couldn’t do it even though i knew it was going nowhere. Happy my friend grabbed the phone from me because i would still be stuck in the same situation.

Reading this sub helps so much! Another friend of mine bought me a journal to help get over this man and I’ve started writing what my boundaries and standards are plus 5 things i’m grateful for everyday. I’m lucky to have such an amazing support system irl and in this sub. I’m starting my self love journey and now excited to go put what i’ve learned into practice for next time!

spacecunny · 2020-06-18T08:48:03+00:00

I was seeing a man, and we were exclusive. He said and did all the right things, attentive but not needy, high effort dates, great communication, chemistry and very respectful. He has a 2-year old child with his ex.

Tuesday he then hits me with the fact that his ex asked him to get back together the night before. She told him she wanted to make a sibling for their daughter, and that she wanted them to start in couples therapy right off the bat.

He tells me that, if it weren't for the kid, it would be an easy choice. That I'm the most interesting woman he's ever met, and he doesn't want it (us) to end. But he's confused and distraught, because he wants the best for his daughter, and he misses being a full time dad.

I tell him I understand his confusion, since there's a child involved, and I understand he has to think about. I let him know in no uncertain terms that I am interested in him, but tell him that I assume a "maybe" is a "no", and he shouldn't expect me to wait around. That I deserve someone who is 100% sure of me. He tells me he understands, that he'd never expect me to wait, and he'll just fight for me all over again, if that is what he chooses. That he doesn't think he'll go back to her, but he doesn't know yet.

I opened my dating life again, and have 2 options in work currently, but I still feel like I've been put on some kind of waitlist/purgatory. Did I do right by me, or was I too soft?

Birdie_Teichmann · 2020-06-18T07:36:24+00:00

I'm not sure what the politics of paying for dates are when you're very young. The guy I'm seeing and I are both in our very early twenties and law students. We both are fortunate enough to come from a comfortable financial background and work on the side, so we both have disposable income, but it's certainly not much, especially since we both avoid taking money from our parents. He paid for everything on our first date and always pays for small expenses (a few bucks for a museum ticket, ice cream...) but we usually split the bill for things like nicer meals. I don't think he'd financially be able to spot the entire bill on every restaurant visit we ever make.

In order to have a guy who pays for everything on dates, I'd probably either have to go on way cheaper dates (like, takeout instead of restaurants) or date someone significantly older. Both of which I don't really want to do- older guys because I don't like age gaps, significantly cheaper dates because I see not reason to consign myself to crap food and activities just to have a point made.

From what I understand, the entire paying-for-dates thing is more to show commitment and respect than the actual sums of money. It's more of a gesture than a financial thing. That's why I never had any issues with him not paying for larger expenses he probably just couldn't pay for, but be both wanted to enjoy (we both like going to the theatre, and 30 bucks for a ticket for one person are doable every other week, but 60 for two would be a stretch...) as long as he made that gesture by paying for smaller stuff.

What's your opinion?

YarikEnterprise · 2020-06-18T06:39:26+00:00

Just a little happy yay moment : I stayed up until midnight last week helping my husband's cousin with a paper for a class. She's working to become a teacher, and with her experience as a special education aide, she's going to be amazing. She just didn't organize the best with pandemic stress and as a result our usual sit down and edit time got crunched into a five hour session of helping as she wrote instead of the preferred I'll go over your first draft, give you some editing notes, then we can go over draft two together.

Today a gift box from my husband got here as a thank you for investing my time and energy into helping her. I'm off to take a bath with a rose clay bath bomb courtesy of him!

Extreme-Vermicelli · 2020-06-18T02:48:11+00:00

Ugh. FWB is still breadcrumbing me and it's working. Drops me a message here and there to see if I am still around, then silence. Find myself wondering how he is and almost asked him for a coffee just now. Damn dopamine.

(Note that I am not lookng for a relationship at the moment, but I do expect sincere and open friendship and communication)

2020-06-17T23:03:09+00:00

I snapped and yelled at a maintenance guy the other day after my shy and sweet supervisor was too afraid to tell him he didn't actually fix our equipment. He tried to low key tell on me today when my boss was around, and she gave me blanket permission to boss him around in the future. Felt pretty good.

To get an idea because I don't want to give specifics:

Imagine if your air conditioning broke, and someone came by, put an oscillating fan in your vent and said "you're welcome".

warinmymind94 · 2020-06-17T19:51:33+00:00

I moved in with a roomate (she has an opposite schedule of me) and have been enjoying. I still feel hopeless for romance and feel especially angry after a rude text came through from a scote before.i started FDS. He had been deleted for months but not blocked but I did block him. It's got me thinking: it's a lot more affordable to have roomates and its ideal when everyone has their own seperate bedroom. I always wanted to buy a house but imagine theoretically having a golden girls situation where you just buy a house or condo and share it with a female roomate or two? I jokingly told my friend, She liked the idea but she wants to get married and have a family. Its lonely living by yourself and so nice to have a roomate to socialize. I know people either get their own apartments and most homeowners are couples. I just cant get the past the idea that guys are slobs and want to be taken care of. I'm struggling with this any dates I had in the past or any guys place I had been to was dumpy and messy. It's funny how some people have a bed and couch and still manage to have dirt sinks, dirty bathrooms, throw laundry in piles etc. My female college roomates and my house mate now have been good overall experiences. I'm having fun entertaining this idea of Golden girls. Because what you pay to rent a house or apartment that's small and lousy is way more expensive then to get a house thats bigger and nicer.

boringcatwrangler · 2020-06-17T17:43:34+00:00

I’m very new to the FDS mindset, but remember hearing a lot of this from my mother. She’s been happily married 20+ years, so I figured: there has to be something to the principles she tried to teach me.

One thing I’ve noticed? Gaining a stronger foundation in my faith, has really helped me be disciplined about applying FDS to my life.

Edit: added a book suggestion.

A book suggestion, if anyone is interested:

Cana is Forever: counsels for before and after marriage by Charles Hugo Doyle.

It was originally published in 1949 but has a lot of practical advice that’s still applicable today.

endorphins_ · 2020-06-17T16:49:58+00:00

Y'all seeing Chris D'Elia blowing up on twitter for harrassing underage girls?

Just further evidence of the 3 professions that I avoid dating: musicians, stand up comedians and cops

fernprincess · 2020-06-17T16:38:19+00:00

This is not a mom friendly space. I get it’s a personal choice, but I’ve seen long rants hating on single moms and stay at home moms if there is a post on motherhood at all (which is rare). Is the average age here very young? I’ve only seen one mom positive meme since I joined. Posts for moms get filled with comments by those who don’t have kids and to whom the posts do not apply. Anyone else feel uncomfortable being a mom here? I get enough of being ignored or treated as worthless/hopeless for being a single mom IRL. I wasn’t expecting it here. Can we change this?

NoThisIs-Patrick · 2020-06-17T16:11:38+00:00

Why are so many guys so daft.

I have on my OLD profile "looking for a long-term, monogamous relationship that will lead to marriage". And guys message me. I see their profile that they are pretty much open to any kind of relationship with a woman. So I say point blank: "I see you are looking for many things. I am looking for one specific thing. Is that okay for you?"

Every time the guy responds he's open to whatever, and okay to go with the flow and see what happens. As I predict. LMFAOOO

So I tell them I'm too old for that and wish them well.

I'm chatting with a few guys who actually seem excited about my profile. And then there's these assholes.

birthdaybutt · 2020-06-17T15:49:58+00:00

Y'all. I met a guy last week and we've been on 2 dates so far and I feel myself falling hard. I'm pretty new to FDS and still unlearning my pickmeisha ways. I just want a little insight from you all about how to proceed.

To give some background with pros/cons mixed in: obviously, we have tons of common interests. Like, ones I've never had with anyone before. We had a pre date phone call that lasted over 2 hours. He calls me (rather than texts) to ask me out on dates and gives me like 6 date options each time. He's paid for everything the last 2 dates (I realize that's the bare minimum but I always used to offer to go dutch). He is almost always the first to reach out (I texted him first once). He is really attentive when we're together and compliments me. On the other hand, he is pretty nerdy. He's super cute, but he dresses kinda silly and is a bit socially awkward. He has brought up his previous relationships a lot in conversation, which I feel stems more from being awkward/overcompensating than from being douchey?

Anyways, we have known each other 1.5 weeks and now he's gone for the next month. I move to different city about 2 weeks after he gets back. The city isn't that far away but still.

I'm lining up other dates in the meantime, but I literally just want to talk to him allll the tiiiime. I'm not blowing up his phone but am also not really sure how to be cool in this scenario because I literally never have been before.

veruscka · 2020-06-17T15:43:49+00:00

I’ve been really emotionally backpedaling this week and feeling low about my situationship that abruptly ended a month ago. It’s been a whole month of no contact, and not once did he even check on me while there was crazy looting, rioting, and protesting on my block. I almost texted him to say hello yesterday, but stopped myself. I don’t know why I can’t let it go.

delishtis · 2020-06-17T15:43:36+00:00

I just have to say.

I found this sub a month ago and it has really helped me! Like so many other women.

But I’m stuck. Stuck in a cycle with a ZVM. I’ve wasted 7 months of my life doing this and am so emotionally and mentally drained. He never sees me. Never calls. Has bailed on me 15 + times since I met him. Refuses to make it a relationship. Frequently disappears. Has never texted me first or initiated contact. Has kicked me out of his house at 2 a.m. multiple times. Once ghosted me for a weekend because I made a joke he didn’t like. The list goes on. I know he is cruel and absolutely garbage but i am having such a hard time taking that step.

I think it’s because we are still in lockdown and as much as I’m trying to overhaul my pickmeisha ways, I’m terrified I won’t find anyone better. Though, to be honest, he treats me as less than gum on a shoe. It’s really messed me up!

I just have to say. It’s so empowering in a lot of ways to finally find something like FDS but recovery is so f—king HARD.

So hard.

mydownstairsmixup · 2020-06-17T14:54:39+00:00

A recent dating experience has left me completely baffled. This man initiated a conversation with me every single day either via text or phone call, brought me to the lake with two other couples, started using pet names, and planned at least one night together each week. Then right at the 2.5 month mark, he invited me over and told me, "I feel like we're heading towards a serious relationship, and while I can see myself being in a serious relationship with you, I'm not ready for that." I felt blindsided - he had texted me "Goodnight baby girl" the night before and chatted with me like normal that very morning.

So I asked him what he wanted at that point and he said, "I don't know... slow down, maybe? I feel like I don't know you. Normally I'm 100% certain how I feel about a situation but right now I'm unsure." WTF. So I left his house (in tears, dammit) and haven't heard from him since. This was 6 days ago.

He completely led me on and I'm feeling a little discouraged about dating.

tita_ · 2020-06-17T14:23:04+00:00

Lately I have been obsessed with a guy I dated 2 years ago. He broke it off because he couldn't handle my issues (mental things) and he was also leaving the country we were staying at for work. He might also had a girlfriend from his homecountry but it is not confirmed.

I am planning to travel to his country when it is safe and I am dying to send him a message to let him know.. I also want to mention that his country is my dream destination to live/work at so maybe that plays a part in my obsession?

I want to see him so bad.. and it will be impossible for me to not reach out knowing he will in the same city. Worst case scenario is that I get ignored/blocked. Our last message was me begging for closure *clown emoji*.

I've been thinking about the time we spent together. It was not much but it was quality time. He was not a mess unlike all my other exes.. made me feel special and desired. I feel stupid it has been more than 2 years he probably doesn't even think of me ever. I even stalked his spotify profile and considered paying for a Tinder Passport to see if he is on tinder. IDK how all this obsession started all of a sudden. I keep fantasising about the life we can have together in the perfect country he lives in. I think I will actually bite the bullet and text him before I book my tickets to his country. Maybe if he is negative about us meeting up my desire to go there will subside.

ga_shina · 2020-06-17T14:01:49+00:00

Hey everyone. So my friend who is engaged was telling me yesterday of a fight she had with her fiancé. Now I’m very close to both of them but what she said caught me off guard. So basically he picked her up after work and they were both cranky and to lighten up the mood she started hitting him on the butt with her bag. THEN he says if you don’t stop I’m going to hit you back and he hit her on the stomach. My friend said it wasn’t very hard and that hitting wasn’t even the right word to use. I’m at a loss for words... I’m scared it might escalate tbh when they married.

Jinxhourglass · 2020-06-17T13:57:44+00:00

A while ago I remember someone made a comment about an Australian study looking at abuse in relationships. The poster mentioned that the woman leading the research found that some of the fully capable men view their girlfriends or wives not cooking for them as abuse.

If anyone knows the name of the study please let me know! I should’ve bookmarked it but I forgot. :(

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Title	Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered June 17 2020
Author	NecessaryCook
Upvotes	33
Comments	414
Date	June 17, 2020 1:41 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/harcfy/weekly_fds_chat_checkin_quick_questions_answered/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/weekly-fds-chat-check-in-quick-questions-answered.696922 https://theredarchive.com/post/696922

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