Do you understand what men mean when men say that the risk is not worth the reward, in reference to women today, and approaching women, and being in relationships with women?

Flightlessbirbz · 2026-04-15T19:13:41+00:00

If you feel that way, I have zero problem with you choosing not to participate in dating. Many women feel the same and are opting out.

What does irritate me are guys who go on and on about “dating is not worth it” but keep trying to date while acting mad they’re not getting what they want out of it. It comes off as more of an attempt to coerce women into dating them and behaving the way they want vs truly just making the choice to walk away.

-mixedsignals · 2026-04-15T15:00:36+00:00

People who aren't really interested anymore in dating do so quietly, they start minding their business to stuff that's more important to them.

People who write posts about not wanting to date anymore for whatever reason still have some issues to work out. Why spend that much energy posting about something you "don't care" about anymore? It doesn't make sense.

You don't want to date anymore? that's great. Now if a man writes about how women are this, women are that, "not worth the squeeze". That's not "not caring", that's just being angry and wanting others to agree or fight you.

RelativeYak7 · 2026-04-15T18:54:51+00:00

Yes I understand and support these men in leaving women alone. Enjoy yourselves! Love that for you.

AngeAware · 2026-04-15T15:32:31+00:00

Yep, got it, go live your life.

Apparently you needed my permission or something? You have it.

Expensive_Lion1807 · 2026-04-15T15:28:36+00:00

I guess the question is, why would we care?

People who don’t want to date, for whatever reason, and remove themselves from the dating pool are not hurting anyone 🤷‍♀️.

Follow your bliss.

Maybe don’t go out of your way to shit on the people you don’t want to date, but that’s about it.

ideclareshenanigans3 · 2026-04-15T14:57:19+00:00

I absolutely believe that you think the risk outweighs the reward. I’m not sure I understand it though. But I don’t need to understand something to believe that people think or feel something.

cb8585b · 2026-04-15T15:01:52+00:00

Most women won’t even notice this is how you feel or notice you at all they’re living their lives.

pie-mart · 2026-04-15T15:09:29+00:00

I literally don't care. If you talk to me and think I am not worth any risk then we aren't meant to be together

Like to me casual sex isn't worth the risk cuz I live in a state abortion is illegal.

And that would upset some men

But it doesn't matter to me if men think women aren't worth effort or time. Cuz those men have nothing to offer me anyway

Like if youre put shopping and see an item and its too expensive. The shop keeper isn't going to chase you down and beg you to buy it. Because there are rich folk who will buy it

the_scar_when_you_go · 2026-04-15T16:31:08+00:00

What is the difference between being afraid of a person's judgement and reactions and being intimidated by them?

jorts-enthusiast · 2026-04-15T18:57:00+00:00

Why do men who claim to not care about dating or women anymore spend so much time soapboxing about women and dating?

I couldn’t care less if you date people or not. Just don’t be a dick.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2026-04-15T17:13:39+00:00

Dating is always a risk, for both parties. If you don’t think the risk is worth it then don’t do it. It’s a very personal choice.

If I was to become single again I don’t think I would bother to date.

Brilliant-Block-8200 · 2026-04-15T19:05:19+00:00

Honestly, it’s just like ‘okay’? Dating is a massive risk, not denying that. If someone just says this and that’s why they don’t wanna date, then cool, good on them. No one should feel forced to date

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2026-04-16T00:32:57+00:00

who cares though

lesliecarbone · 2026-04-15T14:58:45+00:00

I'm not sure. What does it "mean when men say that the risk is not worth the reward, in reference to women today, and approaching women, and being in relationships with women"?

AmandaPea · 2026-04-15T16:27:08+00:00

We understand that you believe women are sad you're not 'approaching' us.

bondepart · 2026-04-15T15:26:13+00:00

If you don’t want to date women you don’t have to. It’s problematic that not having sex or relationships is seen as a failure in society; and often a failure of masculinity for men. In reality there’s nothing wrong with it, it’s just down to personal choice.

Ronniebbb · 2026-04-15T17:26:53+00:00

Dating is risky for everyone. You never know if you're ending up with a great person, a good person who just isn't the right fit and ends in heartbreak, you lose them in a unfortunate situation beyond your control or they're a raging psychopath or worse a stealth psychopath.

If you don't think it's worth the risk then don't date and find a purpose as someone who is single. I'm not worried about some men and some women choosing to be single for life or for a period of time

Creative_cacti · 2026-04-15T19:21:43+00:00

Women don'tcare if men decidenot to participate. Just leave women alone if that is the case. Women will be happy you did. The problem is men lying about their intentions, flaking, using us and wasting our time.

Talking_Tanuki · 2026-04-15T15:07:42+00:00

I think men who abstain from dating just aren’t interested in it, and that’s okay. I’m not really curious about their reasons or intentions because it doesn’t concern me. Staying single is a valid option, and I don’t judge people for that.

Novadina · 2026-04-15T17:34:26+00:00

I don’t care if someone doesn’t want to date. I know some women who had too many scary things happening from dating who chose to stop (like stalkers and date rape), and I can understand as I have faced those things myself, although I considered it worth the risk because I had a strong desire to have a relationship and only faced scary things a couple times. Can’t say I have heard of scary things actually happening from men, though, most of the time men have stated there are scary risks, it’s things they are scared of but have never had happen to them (like some men say they are scared if they date they will get arrested for false rape charges, but have never actually had that happen from going on a date). However, that kind of intense anxiety is a valid reason to not date if they don’t want to - because any reason is valid. No one should have to date or have relationships if they don’t want to, whatever the reason.

I think people who don’t suffer from anxiety probably won’t “understand” people who do, but so what? If you want someone who can express understanding for your anxiety you can try a therapist, mine never dismisses my anxiety and offers coping mechanisms for me.

Anxiety does require action on the sufferers part to fix it, unfortunately. If you don’t want to fix it, that’s your prerogative.

notmepleaseokay · 2026-04-15T18:48:20+00:00

Women feel the same way.

The difference is that we are most likely to be killed by our male romantic partners than just be nagged by them 🤷‍♀️

Oli_love90 · 2026-04-15T15:00:57+00:00

Absolutely not hurt nor do I think it’s an inherently wrong reaction from guys. Dating and dealing with others can often be disheartening and breed disillusionment. Not every can keep trying, failing and remain chipper and hopeful.

But I don’t see women noting intimidation in this case, more often they’re either like “okay don’t date” or if it’s followed by inflammatory rhetoric you’ll get very different responses.

Fragrant-Half-7854 · 2026-04-15T16:09:48+00:00

I think people are less able to deal with risk and uncertainty, especially the emotions involved with it and less confidence in themselves, their choices and their ability to handle their choices ending badly. I think it stems from the differences in the typical childhood experiences of the 20/30 something’s vs the GenX and older millennials.

Theawkwardmochi · 2026-04-15T23:33:13+00:00

Is your first reaction to feel hurt by this, and try to prove it wrong, or some other reaction?

I don't have any reaction because why would I? It's someone's personal opinion and choice pertaining to their lives not mine. I don't feel hurt or offended, nor do I want to prove them wrong.

If a man doesn't want to be in relationships with women, he's free to not be in relationships with women. Humans have free will to do as they please as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. The world is your oyster.

For my personal happiness I don't need all men to be into me, I need one man to be into me. I am not into all men, I am into one man. What he thinks about being with me matters. What any other man would potentially think about being with me doesn't matter, because I wouldn't be potentially interested in being with any other man.

Related-bonus-question (because I'm not at 300 characters yet): When we decide to not participate with women, it's usually out of concern for ourselves, and maybe just not liking the woman, or just plain not having the energy. Yet, women continually try to convince us that it is because we are intimidated by them - as if that is actually correct, and that saying this out loud will somehow "fix" it - as if this requires action on our part We are not. Do you not believe us here either?

If you don't like her you don't like her, it's not that deep. I'd be very concerned if I rejected someone and they went: oh you're just INTIMIDATED by me, that's why you don't want to date me, how about we work on that, like sure Brenda here's your restraining order.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2026-04-15T15:23:40+00:00

It means men are big mad about not getting easy sex and then having a low n count high sex drive young hot babe dropped in their lap that is forced to breed and submit to them when the man is ready to settle down. In short it’s men complaining women have freewill and are no longer are forced to settle for their low effort dusty ass.

Most women’s first reaction isn’t hurt or try to prove them wrong it’s to roll our eyes and walk away. The female bird doesn’t teach the male bird how to romance her she waits for a male bird who knows the mating ritual to woo her or she enjoys her single life without a mate. Similarly women aren’t interested in teaching men how to court or courting men.

So if a man doesn’t feel the juice is worth the squeeze then just go your own way already and stop bothering women in an attempt to get attention as if she is going to give away her peace just to make a loser man happy. If you can’t afford the juice just say that and move along.

Hungry-Plantain-3315 · 2026-04-15T15:30:28+00:00

So you’re saying there are women who are upset that you’ve decided not to participate? Who are these women? What are their names?

NiaMiaBia · 2026-04-15T16:57:31+00:00

Sure, I understand fully. I feel like the same is true in the reverse.. dealing with men isn’t worth it 🤷🏽‍♀️

icypiee · 2026-04-15T15:15:36+00:00

I understand that the men who say this are usually the ones with no options to begin with anyway. Because if you could take a pill and wake up tomorrow an attractive man that was successful with lots of women, you wouldn’t turn it down. What man honestly would?

It’s like those annoying girlbosses always needing to spew how independent they are and don’t need no mans. Couldn’t be more transparent what this actually is. A classic reframing of the situation so it hits less on the ego.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2026-04-15T17:38:05+00:00

I mean, when you threaten to leave the dating pool like that and then fail to do what you say, it does make it kind of hard to believe you mean what you say. To the men who say this and then stop all of that, it is absolutely believable.

Lemon_gecko · 2026-04-15T15:01:25+00:00

1) Yes, i understand that you don't want to be rejected and the reward for approaching isn't worth that for you. That you're getting too little out of dating women. No, i don't think you're lying. I personally think you can feel whatever you want, and if you don't want to date women you don't have to, it's okay to do something else.
2) Some women might say that, and for some men it might be true. I personally think that men don't like women, and in modern times when women are expected to do less than before, men don't see it as beneficial, and that's why they don't want to date them. I also don't want to date people who i don't like

ouishi · 2026-04-15T16:30:23+00:00

Yes, but what am I supposed to do about it? I approach people I like, but I can't force other women to and I shouldn't have to. Everyone is allowed their own preferences in dating.

I'm curious, do you also understand why women don't approach men and are cautious around new men? Are you sympathetic to the risks faced by people living in female bodies?

LadyMoustache · 2026-04-15T22:29:29+00:00

Do you think we're lying about this?

I honestly don't care.

Is your first reaction to feel hurt by this, and try to prove it wrong, or some other reaction?

My reaction is that I am not interested in the kind of man who says these things anyway. I'm not losing anything, so why should I feel hurt by this claim or want to prove it wrong? Prove it wrong how anyway? By dating such a guy "to show him that not all women are like that"? Lol, no thanks.

Do you not believe us here either?

As I stated above, I just don't care if guys say they don't want to date, whatever their reason is. "You are intimidated" is not something I would say or have ever said either, so the question is irrelevant to me.

kmb218 · 2026-04-15T16:02:05+00:00

It’s just a matter of personal view / opinion. If a guy is not particularily interested in dating women for whatever reason, it might not be worth it for him (important here - worth it for HIM PERSONALLY). I wouldn’t assume he’s lying. In general most men and women do find dating worth is worth it and continue trying to date so I would say it’s a majority opinion or something that is true most of the time.

ThatBitchA · 2026-04-15T20:27:31+00:00

I don't understand. Mostly because they act like it's something they uniquely experience. When in reality everyone experiences rejection throughout their life.

And no, I don't believe majority of the men who comment in this sub. Mostly because of them acting like experts on women despite not having any actual experience.

CatchPhraze · 2026-04-16T10:40:24+00:00

I laugh. Men are vastly more likely to harm kill or rape a partner then have a woman hurt him in a similar manner, so for men to be scared is a bit of a joke

Date or don't date but telling the people sticking their hands in a lion's mouth how scary sticking your hand in the hamster cage is, is soooo so tone deaf.

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-Pixxell- · 2026-04-15T23:10:51+00:00

As a woman, I’m fully supportive of men not actively pursuing women and prioritising their mental wellbeing and other aspects of their life.

I don’t know which women you’re speaking to that think men don’t pursue because of being imitated by women. I think it’s pretty well understood that asking people out drains emotional energy, especially if rejected but also even the process of courting is a lot of effort.

For the record the majority of my single female friends have also given up on dating, for similar reasons to what you stated - trying to find a partner is emotionally draining and negatively impacts their mental state/wellbeing, so they simply don’t think it’s worth it anymore.

DMmeClownPics · 2026-04-16T02:10:46+00:00

I gave up on dating heterosexual men a long time ago. I just think that what I want and what the vast majority of straight men want are too vastly different for me to be compatible with them.

So yeah I think I can fathom what you mean.

LilRedMoon__ · 2026-04-16T11:40:30+00:00

Nah we believe you, and we understand, we’re aware. I definitely believe that if someone believes it’s not worth it they should simply opt out like many have done on the other side.

IGotsToKnow_TA · 2026-04-17T08:48:40+00:00

Yeah of course, I don't think a relationship adds a lot more to an already happy life myself so I completely understand why facing a lot of rejection etc. is not worth it. But I'm not on reddit complaining about how men are not worth it. I know there are great men, and me being single isn't because "men aren't worth it", I just am happy being single and think a relationship and dating is a lot of effort for something that is largely determined by luck and that would only marginally improve my life in some ways while making it worse in others

Tylikcat · 2026-04-18T03:33:10+00:00

On the one hand, sure. I know quite a few women who have opted out of dating for similar reasons. Except, y'know, they're getting on with things, and just not dating, rather than whining about in and talking about how awful men are on the internet.

Sorryimjustsaying · 2026-04-15T23:33:22+00:00

I understand that people are only ever as inclined to take risks as their personalities allow, and that dating is inherently risky for everyone involved.

I try not to shame people out of stances they’ve obviously taken for their own self protection. Though I would point out the obvious fact that taking no risks is also in itself risky, because you’ve cut yourself off from a lot of favorable outcomes too.

But if you can live with not having/or you don’t mind missing out at all then risk avoidance is clearly the best path for you. Lots of people (not just men) doing that math.

I personally still date occasionally, when I feel up to it. Despite the risks of dating (even despite the risks of dating men).

I think the possibility of finding someone I enjoy being around at times, outweighs the risks associated. But that’s just MY math.

Dying_God · 2026-04-17T15:42:55+00:00

Meh, I honestly have not really experienced this irl. The men in my life either seem to be in a relationship or are trying to pursue a relationship. The only truly single by choice man I know is my uncle but he is a widower, so that makes sense. I'm speaking as someone with a very diverse friend group and rather wide social network in general with most people being between the ages of 20 and 45.

Gilmoregirlin · 2026-04-15T15:02:13+00:00

I think you all are just scared of rejection, and while that is totally understandable, until you get past it, you will always be single. All it takes is one yes.

velvetalocasia · 2026-04-15T14:59:59+00:00

I understand that you don’t see women as full people, like you are. Why would I want to convince you otherwise?

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