Men are upset about being "boyfriend material" because it offers the same amount of validation that seeing a prostitute does

superjess777 · 2022-01-24T21:19:42+00:00

Most women don’t date people they don’t want to have sex with. Some might, but not most

hermetickingdom3 · 2022-01-25T02:41:04+00:00

This is based on scarcity principle;

Historically speaking, it is much easier for women to get sex whereas for men, it is much easier to acquire resources.

As a result, women desire to be girlfriend material whereas men desire to be breeding material.

Nowadays women want their cake and eat it too. They want their future husband to wait around while she let's Chad raw dog after the first text. Women have always desired a dual mating strategy, it's just so much easier now because of the system built by boomers and thirsty guys.

Men have always been like this and if they had the money and power, they will find their way around societies with enforced monogamy. Nowadays, it's not money and power, but genetics (although money can be used for looksmaxing)

pityforthemajority · 2022-01-24T15:57:11+00:00

I think some women honestly believe that delaying sex increases the chances of the relationship lasting. For most men, I think the belief is incorrect, but I don’t think it is malicious behavior as you’re stating.

Notanothrshitthrow · 2022-01-24T14:52:39+00:00

An absolutely mad thought here, but maybe, just maybe, most women also want to fuck their boyfriends and fuckability is a part of "boyfriend material".

If the first thing you assume when a potential partner says you're "boyfriend material" is "well, she must not be attracted to me then", then TRP has rotted your brain.

Vohsrek · 2022-01-24T18:53:09+00:00

Sometimes this sub feels like a bunch of adults with puppets named “chad”, “Stacy”, “The gold digger” etc larping theoretical situations and answering their own questions. The real world is not how it’s portrayed here. We are all human beings, who ultimately want to be loved, appreciated, and desired. Men and women alike.

chromie96 · 2022-01-24T15:23:01+00:00

Chads are boring as hell. I'm with my partner because I'm attracted to him and because I like him as a person. He's funny, he's intelligent, we have similar interests. He's not boring. I like spending time with him.

And i want to fuck the shit out of him all of the time. Like all of the time.

That's what make him "boyfriend material".

richardparadox163 · 2022-01-24T20:18:23+00:00

I agree with what you said. I also think it has to do with different perspectives and value placed on sex influenced by each sex’s biology and life experience and each sex not understanding how the other one thinks. For men, sex is difficult to get and for 90% of men can only be achieved through hard work both on oneself (working out consistently, doing well in school, making money) and in pursuing/seducing the woman (taking her out on dates, sweet talking her, agreeing to be exclusive with her and foregoing all other sexual options for her, performing emotional labor in terms of emotional support and listening/helping with her problems, being willing to risk their safety to provide physical protection, if necessary). So naturally the highest compliment/achievement/validation a man can get from a woman is to be able to have “no strings attached” sex with her without her requiring any of those things. To be able to walk into a bar and have a woman willing to bang his brains out in the bathroom or alley out back because she’s so physically, carnally attracted to you, without even knowing your name or expecting you to call her the next day (even if she hopes you do) or to have FwB you can hit up at 11 PM to Bang whenever you want without being exclusive and she leaves the next morning without expecting you to take her on a date. Of course, that scenario is an exaggerated fantasy and not every man would want to have sex with a woman like that, but the point is men understand why a man who is able to do that would feel extremely validated/attractive and most would like the option to be able to do that if they wanted, even if they wouldn’t excercise it.

Most women do not understand how hard it is for men to have sex outside of a relationship, even if they know it’s hard many are unaware how hard it is, because for them casual sex is extremely easy to get, especially in modern times. To reverse that fantasy most moderately attractive can go to a bar and ask who wants to bang in the bathroom ,no strings attached, and 75% of men will say yes, 100% would say yes after a short “date”. Most women have had men trying to sleep with them since they finished puberty. So casual sex is not seen as a “reward” for women, because they don’t have to do anything to get it, it’s just something that happens. At best it’s seen as neutral (two people using each other’s bodies to take care of a carnal need) or negative (safety concerns, pregnancy risk, being used as a sexual object). What is extremely difficult for a woman is getting a man who is attractive, intelligent, successful, high social status, wealthy, with abundant sexual options to a) be attracted to her b) emotionally/financially invested in her c) be exclusive with her d) be willing to risk his safety/life for her and put in all of the “work” I described earlier that most men need to do to get laid. That’s why the ultimate female achievement/validation/compliment/fantasy, which you know if you’ve ever watched a movie directed at a female audience (chick flick, romcom, or Hallmark movie), is a man of that caliber, getting down on one knee and pledging himself, his resources, and his love to her and only her for the rest of his life, bonus points if she was able to use her unique feminine charm/guile/beauty to lock him down when no other woman could.

So you can see why from a woman’s perspective being “boyfriend material”, worthy of being more to her than a human sex doll and someone she wants to keep around, is naturally a compliment the same way being “wifey material” is a compliment for them, and the idea that a man would want to be “used” for sex only seems asinine. Whereas, you can see why from a man’s perspective being “boyfriend material”, “worthy” of being more than a human sex doll and providing for her and taking care of her and protecting her and performing emotional labor, isn’t necessarily seen as a compliment, but as an obligation/responsibility. To men, it seems crazy that a woman would “give”/“reward” a man they don’t care about with easy/free access to sex, while a man they actually like has to put more work in for the same “reward”. That can make men feel “used” and “ripped off” and inferior to the other man. The same way women often feel when a man they are sleeping with tells them he is “not ready for a commitment”, and a few weeks or months later find out he has committed to or proposed to a woman she regards as more beautiful than herself.

criticalmale · 2022-01-26T18:31:50+00:00

More gaslighting from this trash sub. If a woman calls you boyfriend material she looks down on you. PERIOD.

LaserFace778 · 2022-01-24T21:15:59+00:00

This is some absolutely bizarre logic.

You don’t seem to understand. Women are taught that men DESPISE women who have sex right away and respect women who make them wait.

Boyfriend material does not mean lack of attraction. Far from it. It means someone is the whole package. An attractive guy with a personality they like.

FlyingKite1234 · 2022-01-24T22:16:04+00:00

So men say all the time “I’d fuck her but not date her” but can’t fathom that women do the same?

2022-01-24T15:53:21+00:00

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Glittering_King_4297 · 2022-01-24T16:05:57+00:00

I am a woman and wouldn’t have sex with a man I didn’t think was worth having a relationship with. Surely every man you sleep with is boyfriend material until he proves he is not?

sarkington · 2022-01-24T15:09:41+00:00

Men here claim they want relationship and love, while others claim that sex speed is the most important thing

Who should I believe?

buddyfluff · 2022-01-24T20:58:43+00:00

I really feel like modern dating so sad that we have to overthink these things into oblivion…. I met my current boyfriend, we were friends, I noticed him into me, I was into him, we hung out and one night we fucked, we started dating, two years later - no issues. How does it turn into this massive complex thing??? Just fucking talk to them for Christ sake!

SuspiciousMaximum856 · 2022-01-24T15:57:03+00:00

So? Women are required to put out on a first date because they did it once before??

StacksFifthAve · 2022-01-25T16:25:09+00:00

u/Komsaadehvie

I just want you to know in reference to this topic that your girlfriend had a Freudian slip in terms of what she said to you. She said that shit to you like you were one of her girlfriends, or like she deadass wanted to test you.

She basically said, ‘you could’ve gotten the milk for free if you weren’t so damn sweet’. Your girl is a slut bucket who needed you to think otherwise. She had a mental lapse there for a moment and forgot that you were her boyfriend for a second there or wanted to test your frame, and I’m not honestly sure which is worse.

I don’t mean to tell you what you should feel or what you should do but I know what I would do if I were you.

Help_Support-Account · 2022-01-24T17:21:53+00:00

Reality: That is why the only TRUE relationships are either those born out of FWB, or HookUps <- having sex quickly (under the assumption that the woman plays two different strategies and treats men differently/unfairly), or those where the woman sticks to ONE SINGLE STRATEGY, either having sex quickly, or taking their time with ALL MEN she has/is seeing. If she makes you wait for sex, while others did not have to, she is not attracted to you.

Men do not want a woman that put out for other men quicker than for themselves. The man will ask himself: "Why should I buy the cow, if others could get the milk for free?"

Knowing that you are desired in a lesser type of way, that you had to invest so much more into a woman, while other guys got to experience the most intimate connection two humans can have with eachother, will never sit right with a man.

If women werent so inconsistent in their approach on how quickly they would have sex with men, this problem would not exist.

TheSnowyPlover · 2022-01-24T18:45:56+00:00

Women have two Options when they run into an unobtainable Chad:

Attempt to lock him down only to be met with problems like cheating, dark triad behavior, etc that end in her blasting out “Why are men such scum!” On social media
Enjoying being a member of his soft harem for a little while until she finds “relationship material” aka a non-Chad who is willing to commit because he has few options.

Neither of these are really ideal for women so they have to cope by saying “well Chad Isn’t the kind of guy I’d date anyway…” yea bullshit

Men do the same shit. I’ve known plenty of ugly/fat/beta guys who can look at an objectively beautiful woman and say “I’d never go for her…she’s not my type” lol. It’s a coping mechanism, disqualify people you could never get in order to save face

KirthWGersen · 2022-01-24T14:55:10+00:00

You realise you can be a woman's boyfriend without spending money on her, right?

You can just enjoy her company, have sex, have fun and enjoy romance without actually having to take on any financial responsibilities or provide any more in the way of emotional labour than a friend would.

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-01-24T20:22:35+00:00

Then get mad about men who fake relationships just to get laid. Otherwise, I don't really care. I make men wait for me, not for them.

logiauser · 2022-01-24T15:03:01+00:00

See, men are not naive, we are not fools. We know that when women claim that they woild not date those men they quickly fuck, they are telling a bold faced lie.

Bingo! You will be downvoted to hell for this. They would date those Chads in a nano-second. It's all a ruse to keep the beta males on the hamster-wheel when they are ready to start having kids.

goatismycopilot · 2022-01-24T15:08:53+00:00

Men being upset about this is their problem to solve in the same way the " pump and dump" or the non commital man person is women's problem to solve.

For many people lies and manipulation IS the foundation of a relationship especially if that approach gets them what they want.

pikecat · 2022-01-24T19:53:55+00:00

This whole argument is nonsense. It applies to only a certain situation.

I have had plenty of ONSs. Some girls that I fucked on the day we met became a girlfriend, with others we had sex a bit later. This is life. There's no rule.

It doesn't really matter what the girl was doing because I may or may not have been fucking other girls too if I'm not exclusive.

I have had a ONS with a nice girl that I would have liked to see again. It sucks a bit, but life goes on. Some girls wanted to see me more when I didn't want to see her. That's life.

The only issue seems to be with guys who are not getting any other sex at all and are meeting a girl who is, and actually sees you as a potential boyfriend. This is the only case where it is a problem and it makes the guy feel bad.

If this is you, look at all of the guys getting no dates, or sex, and count yourself lucky that you are good enough to get sex with one girl. This is more likely when you are younger. Get experienced and move up the ranks. Having a girlfriend and getting experienced with girls will make you more attractive to girls in the future.

Girls can read you from just looking at you. The more experienced you get with girls, the more they want you. Lacking confidence is a red flag. It all works at an unconscious level.

AnonRb6 · 2022-01-24T17:36:47+00:00

Wtf are even these thread titles.

Im dead asf lmfao.

2022-01-24T17:36:51+00:00

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Tripleawge · 2022-01-24T15:58:29+00:00

The point here is very interesting… I have a n-count of exactly 10 (haven’t worked on it since Corona started lol) and I remember talking to the girl who took my virginity for about a year (she was in a relationship for 75% of that time) and thinking wow I would love to date this girl. Long story short we hooked up and I wanted to date her after but she responded to me with “I’m sorry I just don’t think I can do the stuff you are looking for” and I remember feeling depressed for almost an entire year after.

Needless to say I have not tried to date a girl I have slept with since.

figuringMylife · 2022-01-24T17:29:43+00:00

i cant be with a man if i dont feel strong sexual desire. i am way too horny for that. just like when men find super hot girls that literally have nothing else to offer, i’m sure the same applies. are some girls pumped and dumped? ofc. but some men are too lmaoooo, they just typically see it as a good thing ig. contrary to popular belief, some men don’t bring shit to the table besides being hot or money

manfrom-nantucket · 2022-01-24T17:50:53+00:00

Because from the POV of a man it appears like women reward bad behavior. They are not necessarily wrong when the price for good behavior is commitment with diminishing sex over time while the price for bad behavior is sex on demand with no expectation of commitment.

ruboyuri · 2022-01-24T19:52:18+00:00

If a woman sleeps with you immediately, what’s to stop her from sleeping with another dude immediately?

Thinkingard · 2022-01-24T20:44:08+00:00

As a man, my only caveat thought here is that women are not plain attracted to or desire many men in the way they desire Chads. This means sex does become transactional for her and the guy will need to offer up some beta bucks as part of that transaction. The beta simply cannot negotiate this desire, he is aiming too high.

th3empirial · 2022-01-24T23:18:57+00:00

Must be getting to old if I think complaining about being called “boyfriend material” is ridiculous

Topfet30 · 2022-01-25T00:48:23+00:00

The fact of the matter is the guys that women all of a sudden choose to date don't have that much success in relationships or sex and it sucks when thats all you are left to choose from. You wouldn't hear all this not wanting sluts if most guys had more experience but they don't and I'm one of those guys.

Things would be better if promiscous women didn't give us chances I want someone I can learn with not someone who's going to judge me for not having the experience that few men have

InsuranceFantastic95 · 2022-01-25T03:17:59+00:00

Renting is the best for the long haul

slamar85 · 2022-01-25T05:00:47+00:00

OP needs to seek therapy. Boyfriend material means you are above fboy level. You get to sleep with and enjoy other aspects of relationships etc.

No_Exercise_8670 · 2022-01-25T06:32:06+00:00

"fucktoy for a night" vs "boyfriend material"

The thing is that most men would prefer fucktoy

spectatingumbrella · 2022-01-25T07:13:23+00:00

What’s with all the black pill/incel content on this sub nowadays? I feel like most of these posts count as black pill no? Very black and white thinking

MMAjambo · 2022-01-25T07:20:33+00:00

It's possible you're wrong and that people change but if i was to bet money I'd say you're right 4/5 times.

Women do have hookups they regret but usually if they're emotional or drunk, if they had any FWB with a guy they almost certainly wanted to date that guy. Women can make so much money as prostitutes because it's very rare they give sex away for free, if she was giving sex to the FWB she almost certainly got or wanted something in return

siIkie · 2022-01-24T17:33:57+00:00

Oh look, ANOTHER repeated topic. Yall males love to talk in circles and bitch about the same things everyday huhhh

MotiMorphosys · 2022-01-24T14:51:00+00:00

That would be more sugar daddy material.

Boyfriend material is more like the equivalent of fuckbuddy material from a redpill perspective.

NewWayNow · 2022-01-24T17:05:21+00:00

See, men are not naive, we are not fools.

I disagree. Most are incredibly naive and foolish. While RP ideas have gained some attention online, they have not taken hold "out in the wild." The blue pill rules the day and keeps society running.

If RP ever full takes hold, the world will be a very different place. That would probably be a bad thing. It's better to be a RP male in a blue pill world, as that is a type of arbitrage. Kind of like being a short seller in the stock trading world.

baresquad · 2022-01-24T16:03:57+00:00

This topic is dumb

If you don’t wanna be seen as “boyfriend material” stop doing boyfriend things. Stop texting all day, going on multiple dates, phone calls, slut-shaming and making her believe you too will eventually establish a relationship

It’s all self-inflicted. Y’all preach all day about how much sexual history matters and don’t wanna date girls like that yet want girls who aren’t like that, to be like that so that you feel special

Be upfront. Know what you want. And communicate. You don’t have to be a fuck boy or whatever that is to have sex with multiple women

NarniaFox · 2022-01-24T15:04:51+00:00

Sex isn't a reward.

Also this phrase and its variations can be used by women who aren't into casual scene altogether. For me it's either LTR material or no romantic relationship at all. Would you get offended over it as well?

thelilpessimist · 2022-01-24T20:51:57+00:00

y’all are really so deranged hahaha i hope the males agreeing with this post never feel the touch of a woman bc wtf

cowfishAreReal · 2022-01-24T15:00:33+00:00

That's just flat out wrong. My boyfriend is definitely boyfriend material, he's also the only person I've ever had sex with, and we were already dating (calling each other bf and gf) when it happened. I wouldn't have had sex with him the first day we met and if he asked for it we probably wouldn't be dating right now. Beimg boyfriend material doesn't mean you're unattractive, it means you got more than your body going for you. And by you I mean not OP he's definitely not boyfriend material

UnitedIntroduction48 · 2022-01-24T15:49:25+00:00

Maybe you would be better off with a prostitute, most guys don’t have a problem doing the stuff normal people do to be in a relationship.

K1ngOfClubs · 2022-01-24T18:02:12+00:00

I could be horribly wrong with what I’m about to say but here goes. OP, please feel free to correct me.

There is nothing wrong with being a woman’s potential boyfriend. A lot of men do want to settle down into an LTR/marriage/etc. with the right woman. The problem is her actions and how those actions relate to her feelings about you being “boyfriend material.”

Saying she wants you as her boyfriend isn’t a problem. Some guys may want to hear it. The problem is that she holds her sexuality as a reward/incentive because of it. She is signaling to you that you have to be the one to abide by the rules and meet requirements for that sexuality. Has anybody else had to meet those extra requirements? Even if they didn’t, she is setting the framework for your relationship. If she’s making you jump through all these hoops while casually dating, imagine how it’s going to be if you let her move in with you or even worse, if you marry her. If she’s showing you the type of woman she’s going to be to you, believe her…….just a thought.

“Women break rules for Alphas and make rules for betas.”

fwoketrash · 2022-01-24T18:39:47+00:00

Who's mad about being "boyfriend material"?

redsnake15 · 2022-01-24T18:46:40+00:00

I just stumbled across this post by chance I'm gonna ask a stupid question. When did guys become upset about the term boyfriend material? Last I checked it was just something girls said about guys that had more than just looks.

lavishrabbit6009 · 2022-01-24T20:41:08+00:00

The fact that this stirred the pot so much validates it more.

trueorfalsedmitry · 2022-01-25T02:33:14+00:00

I'm really late to this party, but let me try to change your view.

Oh wait. You're 100% correct.

heyitsjeape · 2022-01-24T16:19:04+00:00

Maybe I’m just too old, too undesirable, and/or too dumb to care anymore but if someone has to feign attraction or excitement having sex with me, that’s fine. There seems to be a very arbitrary nature to whether or not you’re chosen so whatever works for them - as long as they’re willing to do it - doesn’t make a difference to me. It’s not worth splitting hairs getting hung up on whether you’re “truly desired,” when you have a willing participant. You can’t get everything you want in life.

Caio_dos_Hack · 2022-01-24T16:38:31+00:00

i disagree vehemently with you, mate

DillonTheFatUglyMale · 2022-01-24T19:39:57+00:00

'' If a man has a gf that made him wait for months after sleeping with Chads in a day or a week, he would be childishly naive not to suspect her motives and what actions she may take discretely.'' - true. completely agree here.

springyslinkies · 2022-01-24T23:06:44+00:00

I can't grasp this idea that people who want to be attached to you and feel safe with you automatically do not want to fuck you and are having pity sex if they do put out. This is 100% Madonna-whore complex bullshit and these things aren't mutually exclusive in anything remotely resembling a healthy relationship. If this is really what you think all relationships look like, you are probably either really young or have been acting like and dating trash. The standard for a relationship is usually higher in every area than the standard for a fling or ONS.

Men are not always noncommittal just by refusing to DTR or propose. Sometimes they do commit on paper, and if they aren’t actively fucking other people either behind your back or while pretending it’s a form of progressive enlightenment, their actions still demonstrate that they don’t take their partner or their relationship seriously and don’t believe they should have to. Being attached to men like this is a fucking nightmare — and the Venn diagram between these men and men who have a history of collecting notches as a hobby is a circle. Many men are generally disconnected, lack empathy, and feel they are somehow above doing what it takes to build a resilient partnership and actually love a woman. And men like this also tend to seek quick, meaningless fucks so they don't have to bother.

If the only thing holding a woman back from being with an aloof and selfish person who doesn’t care about her is that he won't agree to be with her, it's not because "AWALT," it's because her self-esteem is in the gutter and she needs to see a therapist to talk about healthy boundaries. Healthy people want love, which, at its base, is a combination of lust and deep friendship.

devilavocado910 · 2022-01-24T23:10:26+00:00

Wait man, girls that have one night stands only want the pleasure of the sex and many times they regretted the next day. The girls that wait and spend a lot of time with the boyfriend material guys make a emotional bond with them until they are really sure to sleep with and not to f* it up. Dude you only think about woman's body count but what about men's body count?

Wildhouse83 · 2022-01-24T23:28:49+00:00

The boyfriend material is the equivalent to the slut material. The male ATM vs. the female cum dumpster.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2022-01-25T02:29:32+00:00

Geeze how you all get here on Earth , your dads where all just Chads ehhh lol

Idk , but this seems to be the ramblings of a paranoid delusional person .

You know if you spoke like this in real life to women they'd put you in the bin of weirdos. Don't approach or speak about this stuff in real time . For your sake unless you wanna be single forever. Just a forewarning

TheNorrthStar · 2022-01-25T09:00:46+00:00

These ideologies man. If people follow this and most of the crap said here, our generation is truly lost

Super-Peoplez-S0Lt · 2022-01-24T16:36:24+00:00

I don’t understand why anyone would use terms like “boyfriend material” or “husband material” when describing someone. As if any of those terms are a complement. It’s almost as annoying as the “not like other girls” comment.

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Title	Men are upset about being "boyfriend material" because it offers the same amount of validation that seeing a prostitute does
Author	BlackberryUnfair6930
Upvotes	196
Comments	498
Date	January 24, 2022 2:14 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/sbn57m/men_are_upset_about_being_boyfriend_material/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-are-upset-about-being-boyfriend-material.1097814 https://theredarchive.com/post/1097814

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