Does seeing a guy receiving interest from other women change your perception of him?

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-11-01T17:48:40+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2021-11-01T22:20:22+00:00

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swaggyquack · 2021-11-01T23:06:11+00:00

not a woman, but in my experience there is some level of 'social proof' that helps a guy out if he is interacting with other pretty women.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-11-01T23:23:38+00:00

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luliloo · 2021-11-01T20:54:41+00:00

Looking back now, I realize yes, it did make me want him more. It was unconscious at the time.

The two situations I'm thinking about happened at conferences during university so we interacted and chatted normally first. It wasn't necessarily seeing girls flirt with him, but girls were talking about him and he was conference MC so I liked seeing him as a leader. Both times it turned into relationships.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-11-01T17:53:42+00:00

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CFinCanada · 2021-11-01T18:07:30+00:00

I was on my fourth date with my man, so we weren't official yet, and we were out at the bar with some of my friends and I saw this extremely cute girl literally grab his butt while they were dancing.

I have to admit it made me feel some type of way.

Territorial, maybe?

AussieBrooks · 2021-11-02T00:30:38+00:00

Yes. Women want men that other women want.

chalkandapples · 2021-11-01T18:18:26+00:00

I try to not create competition for myself, and I don't want to try to get in another girl's way when it comes to this stuff. So attention from other girls will reduce my enthusiasm for someone.

However, if I originally had a very bad impression of the guy either from appearance or lack of social skills, and see lots of girls interested in him, it may be a good indication that he's not as bad as I originally thought and I'll be more willing to approach him but not romantically.

TomorrowsWar · 2021-11-01T17:27:28+00:00

Depends on how I feel about him. If I have high interest levels in him, I will actually get turned off. I’m not usually a jealous person but I’m human and I can become jealous. My reaction to jealousy is to leave because I associate it with me not trusting him. I always trust my gut before I trust anyone else, I trust my gut more than I trust the benefit of the doubt.

If I wasn’t really sure about him then maybe seeing him be a friendly and good person to other women may actually make me feel like I can at least trust him to be respectful.

idrinkapplejuice42 · 2021-11-02T00:57:26+00:00

All these girls are lying. This is exactly why the rp preaches to look at womens actions rather than taking them at their word. Social proof is a huge part of whether women find men attractive.

ItWasBrokenAlready · 2021-11-01T18:53:23+00:00

As a conscious thought no, nobody goes 'oh, he talked to pretty girls, so he must be cool'.

Subconsciously probably, if he's behaving like a popular and charming person then I'd mentally tag him in that category (until proven otherwise).

neetykeeno · 2021-11-01T18:33:54+00:00

Well it gives me the opportunity to see how he behaves socially. So I guess if his behaviour is very ordinary it leads me to believe he is probably not some obvious form of social reject or screwup and yeah that's not bad. But it isn't going to create attraction from nothing...there are dozens of ordinary men in my social circle who I regularly see socialise in company that includes women and sometimes company that is all women who I have never given the slightest thought to fucking . And it isn't going to take me from barely knowing him to feeling some sort of friendship/trust. I mean could it theoretically lead to me flirting or putting out indicators of interest? Well not right now because eh I am over it all...but thirty years ago when I was on the market I suppose it could for a guy whose attractiveness to me fit within a particular range that wasn't high enough I would flirt without further evidence and wasn't low enough that such a tiny boost would do nothing significant to the cost benefit calculations. But... that's a pretty damn small window there ain't it just. I mean I would be thoroughly surprised if it made a difference to my responses to more than one man in a hundred. Maybe one man in two hundred would be about right? And even then...if he is busy with other people I may just not bother. So I guess organise such events to happen if you want a small overall statistical edge in one very specific moment for a tiny proportion of women who may not include the woman or women you are actually after... remember the women for whom you fit in that particular window may not be the ones you actually want...they may be fat, religious, any one of many things you would not prefer so don't throw a tantrum if you never see an actual useful result from it.

Really you will probably gain more from learning the social skills to do this then repeating those social skills at more critical moments than from the actual showing off hey world look I can talk to women and not make them get that repulsed and worried expression on their face.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-11-01T18:36:29+00:00

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_JazminBianca · 2021-11-02T03:31:11+00:00

Definitely makes me less likely to approach to be honest.

CimZim · 2021-11-01T17:23:57+00:00

No, it either doesn't change my perception or makes me less likely to approach. I'm not a fan of competition except in games, so if it looks like I'd be lost in the crowd compared to the 8s, 9s, and 10s or the extroverted women...why bother?

Far better use of energy to go after the guy who isn't as popular so there's less jostling for his attention.

superlurkage · 2021-11-01T17:26:21+00:00

Nope. If they were his friend group I’d at least think he was safe, but I still wouldn’t approach

Other women definitely would, though

learn2earn89 · 2021-11-01T20:20:10+00:00

If I see a guy interacting with beautiful women I tend to think he probably wants nothing to do with me lol but I assume if he’s scoring with girls who are hot then he’s probably really funny and charming. Would it make me attracted to him? I can’t say. Depends on sense of humor and if he treats me just like anyone else.

januaryphilosopher · 2021-11-01T17:40:32+00:00

If I was on the fence before, that's going to make me less likely to approach him as I now have competition making him less available. And in general I don't really care what other women find attractive, others can have quite different tastes to me which don't affect mine at all.

AstronautLoveShack · 2021-11-01T17:11:12+00:00

No. Watching him with other girls wouldn’t make a difference. Hearing other girls badmouth him might.

AquaChip · 2021-11-01T17:46:38+00:00

No. If I don’t find him attractive no amount of women fawning over him will make me find him attractive.

And you’re getting it backwards. Are women attracted to him because other women are or are women attracted to him because he has traits that the majority of women find attractive? You’re confusing the two.

NarniaFox · 2021-11-01T16:59:47+00:00

That doesn't work for me this way, but I get that being close to demisexuality means that I'm not a very good representative for all women as a group.

I don't care how (un)popular a person is, I can get interested in them romantically only if I feel that we already have some emotional connection and I find their smell alluring. My school crush was an awkward guy and my friends were low-key mocking me for falling for him. Didn't change the way I felt though. When my husband asked me out I wasn't sure that it was a good idea because I've seen how many girls were there in his social circle. But we had the connection and his smell was (and is) very good, so I risked it.

From the other hand, I do think that preselection works at least for some women. I'm not sure how or it works, but I guess some women just want to have what they can't get, others feel security of a taken man attractive, some just don't know he's taken. For some it might be a form of validation and competition and few just can't stand happy and stable couples. Also a lot if men start looking better when they get into relationships and get more confident and relaxed around other women, I think it contributes to the increased attention they might get.

1master_dom · 2021-11-01T23:28:39+00:00

The fact that almost every man has experienced girls showing more interest for him when he is with a hotter girl... but almost of these comments claim they get turned off highlights the lack of self awareness floating about.

cccccclairee · 2021-11-01T19:02:48+00:00

I am so very into my boyfriend getting attention from other people. It’s a big turn on.

But my sexual habits and inclinations would have FDS sicking rabid dogs on me.

girlindolor · 2021-11-01T17:21:26+00:00

A guy being wanted by other women is such a huge and immediate turn off for me, if i already like him then seeing him get attention from other women literally makes me badly panic and feels like a punch in the gut and i would move on, i'm just way too insecure to handle anyone else liking him and i'm extremely sensitive to rejection, my ideal relationship would be with a guy who no other woman cares for

xQueen-Bx · 2021-11-01T17:47:49+00:00

why have I "noticed" a guy who's "average or slightly above average"? this would be an NPC til he approached me to chat me up, not anyone I'd "notice"

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princesssbrooklynn · 2021-11-02T03:19:10+00:00

At that point I turn more into, well you can have them but not me lmaoo

Vyrnoa · 2021-11-04T10:40:11+00:00

Personally it turns me off. If im going to be with a man im not going to compete over other women to get that. It makes it less attractive to me because our personalities would most likely be the polar opposite. I have no interest competing with other women over a man. Either im the right one or im not.

anonsbc · 2021-11-04T14:58:40+00:00

Cupcakelover1985 · 2021-11-04T23:21:19+00:00

Usually it doesn’t affect me one way or the other but depending on how he’s interacting with them I may become less interested. Like if he’s flirting back a lot it signals to me that he’s a player and not looking for anything serious so I’ll quietly move on.

DeJuanBallard · 2021-11-01T19:20:10+00:00

What a stupid thing to ask, you know every person is gonna say no, they don't want to be loved at as shallow.

Instead of asking questions with obvious and well known answers, maybe ask the real question, the one your afraid to ask.

Siukslinis_acc · 2021-11-01T17:30:20+00:00

A guy recieving interest from other women doesn't change my perception of the guy (unless I wouldn't understand why they are showing interest to the guy and would mentally try to figure out the "why" because my mind has nothing better to do). Those women talking positively/negatively about the guy would change my perception.

A person having a good time in a positive manner (like having a good time while not making fun of other people). Would give bonus interest points. The sex and attractiveness of the person they interact with doesn't play a role in it. The positive "vibes" that are released plays a role.

Ruben_the_Fish · 2021-11-01T17:20:42+00:00

Novadina · 2021-11-01T19:22:50+00:00

Does this change your perception of him and even make you find him more attractive if you were on the fence previously?

Not really. I guess the only thing that might change is I’d now guess he wouldn’t be into me if he was into the “conventionally attractive girls”, as I’m a bit more exotic, and men into the cookie cutter, straight long blonde hair, same exact makeup look probably aren’t into me.

Would you now consider approaching him?

No, I have never actually considered approaching a man I don’t know in my life. Can’t see why this would change anything. I’ve had ONS at parties, but it always just started with a conversation with someone where there happened to be chemistry, never once me seeing a guy and approaching him because I liked the way he looked. (Of course I’m sure some of them approached me based on how I look, and there wouldn’t the chemistry if they are not physically attractive to me.)

SaBahRub · 2021-11-01T17:17:36+00:00

If they know him, yes. Rando women, no

Also depends on his reaction to the attention

MelisandreStokes · 2021-11-01T18:56:30+00:00

It makes me less attracted and way less likely to approach him

I’m not into competition

2021-11-01T18:17:19+00:00

No. I don't calculate my interest in someone by the amount of attention he gets from others. I calculate it by the attention he gives me.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-11-01T17:06:53+00:00

If anything, him getting interest from other girls is a turn off. I have zero interest in going after a guy who is clearly interested in someone else.

simeneta_two · 2021-11-01T17:13:52+00:00

No. That’s not how preselection works.

Ime preselection works when my boyfriend/husband/guy I’m already into has other women who are also into him. It’s an ego boost to know your partner is desirable but still chose you.

Some rando I was never into in the first place isn’t going to get a boost from having other women into him because I’ve already written him off as not attractive to me.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-11-01T18:16:38+00:00

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bison5595 · 2021-11-01T22:35:19+00:00

You’re not asking this question correctly. Every woman will say they don’t want to compete with other women. The correct question is will they find a man more attractive if they become aware that the guy can pull attractive women.

Scarypaperplates · 2021-11-02T02:07:31+00:00

No. Personally I've never understood the whole "women are into men who other women show attraction to" and my attraction to certain men dies suddenly if I discovered they are married or in a relationship. But as women are not a hive mind I assume theres going to be varying answers to this.

ButterscotchOk4483 · 2021-11-02T03:10:26+00:00

No, if I am not interested.. I am not interested

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-11-01T17:15:36+00:00

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Orange_Paisley · 2021-11-01T17:02:12+00:00

No. It would make no difference. What would make a difference is if we have a conversation and if I find him interesting, funny, etc. Other girls’ interest doesn’t interest me.

Mimoxs · 2021-11-01T17:15:45+00:00

He has no creepy vibe, bad social skills that you can tell, etc. You just don't feel any overwhelming urge to go interact with him.

Can't imagine. Too unrealistic, I can't insert myself into this narrative

I would be interested in the first place if he had creepy vibes or bad social skills but what you describe would make me lose interest bc he can't fill the very specific dream boy/fantasy in my head

Cool-Experience7357 · 2021-11-01T18:44:07+00:00

Nope. If I wasn't interested enough in the guy to make a move before, seeing that wouldn't make a difference to me.

Just an aside; even if he doesn't hit the creeper/violent meter for me, it actually doesn't mean he couldn't be. I could have just missed it due to his and my experience. Rodney Alcala was smooth, so was Jeffrey Epstein, and so are a lot of politicians.

rosesonthefloor · 2021-11-01T22:10:28+00:00

No, not really. Like others have said, I’m not going to compete for a guy.

Although if it were a scenario like: I’m interested, he’s giving me vibes that he’s interested, a woman comes up and makes a move and he rebuffs her and re-focuses on me, then that would make me more attracted to him.

philomexa · 2021-11-01T18:30:13+00:00

Pre-selections extends as far as letting me know a given guy is probably not an irredeemable cretin.

congratulation, first hurdle cleared.

However pre-selection does not positively influence my level of attraction to a given guy, and could easily tip into "not worth it" territory if I catch a wiff of fuck boy energy.

Social/magnetic/charismatic is good, but genderless. All female groupies is off putting and would require heroic pursuit of my attention (to the exclusion of all others) for me to turn back on.

All of this is predicated on a given man meeting my minimum looks and aesthetic threshold. If he is outside what I consider attractive I have no fucks to give regarding who or what he surrounds himself with.

My husband had fuck boy energy and was quickly dumped in the "not worth it" camp, however by his own initiative he cut off the thots, redeemed himself, and pursued me with suitor energy.

rft24 · 2021-11-01T17:28:33+00:00

not at all. i wouldn’t approach him even if i thought he was the hottest guy in the room, even if super hot girls wanted him.

why? because i don’t have to, he wouldn’t be the first or last hot guy to exist, someone else will probably approach me anyway, and i’m not attracted to men who don’t pursue me.

if you see me, catch my signals, and don’t approach; i’m all set. not my kinda guy. i’m the woman here; so if i’m not being approached and pursued, then he is a damn fool to think i’d do his job for him 😆

Zombombaby · 2021-11-01T20:18:19+00:00

I'm an identical twin. Nothing turns me off more from a dude than someone else competing tbh. It gets messy and complicated and I'd rather not deal with the headache of an over inflated ego if certain men feel entitled to leverage a competitors attraction.

My husband had been single for a year before I snatched him up. Been together over 11 years and never regretted it for a moment.

gofigure62 · 2021-11-01T17:23:35+00:00

No. I'm a social butterfly, If I want to talk to someone, I have no problem doing so. If I didn't have interest in talking to someone, then it's because I didn't want to.

I don't need to see people socializing in order to interact with them.

Also I tend to leave men alone that have been "marked" by other women in the area. I've had enough bad experiences with women who were trying to pick up a guy. So if I was interested in talking to a guy and see another woman flirting with him, I'd lose interest. Some women can be catty at best and down right violent at worst over men that they're trying to "get". Many men dig the "women fighting over him" so women will play that to their advantage and try to put on a performance. That is a game that I do not play.

SqueaksScreech · 2021-11-01T20:52:08+00:00

I don't care about competition because I'm not competing. I was in this situation. Dude was talking to me nonstop saying he wanted to marry me and shit. It's funny because he even outed himself for talking to 12+ other girls.

I was never competing nor did I care that he was talking to others. I barely had any interest in him but it always been clear he got attention and he lost interest fast.

skrimpers · 2021-11-01T21:23:00+00:00

Makes me less likely to approach a man if he has more female attention. I don't want it to be a competition and getting close to a man who has a lot of female attention would just cause jealousy from my side. I also don't want to get in the way of someone who may be more compatible or better for this man.

TheElusivePeacock · 2021-11-02T01:06:33+00:00

No. If you’re not attractive, you’re not attractive. Someone else finding you attractive is none of my concern and none of my business.

Bonnie_Nettles · 2021-11-02T19:50:47+00:00

Not at all. First of all, if I'm not that interested, I'm not going to spend that much time watching who they interact with. If I AM interested, the people they are surrounded by don't make me any more or less attracted to them. The WAY they interact with those people might make a difference For example if it seems like the guy in question is funny, nice, respectful, etc., that would make me more interested. If he seems like he's being kind of a dick, that would make me less interested, but the attractiveness of the people he interacts with would not affect my attraction towards this person at all.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-11-01T18:37:06+00:00

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Demasii · 2021-11-01T18:48:11+00:00

Consciously no.

Subconsciously maybe.

People don't know whether or why they are attracted to someone in one context vs not attracted in another context.

There have been studies about preselection with women. But studies question women in unnatural situations and can never replicate real life interactions like your scenario.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-11-01T18:56:56+00:00

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dry_waffles · 2021-11-01T20:02:01+00:00

I end up feeling more insecure with myself rather than becoming more/less interested in him. Doesn’t matter what the guy looks like or if I’m attracted to him, if there are girls that I perceive as being really attractive and are flirting, I won’t even try to pursue anyone that night.

Pigeon-in-Boots · 2021-11-01T20:50:57+00:00

Nope. If I don't like someone it's not because of what other people think about them. I will say teenagers might feel this way, but I think fewer and fewer people do the older you get and the less you care about what others think. I would say the exception would be if I saw him interacting with other people, doesn't have to be girls, and thus got more of a glimpse into his personality and liked it I might be more likely to approach. Conversely if I saw him talk to people and he was awkward or rude or overly flirtatious that would make me less likely to approach. But hey, everyone's different. Some ladies like to "compete," but thats not likely to lead to a genuine connection.

snowcakey · 2021-11-01T21:42:02+00:00

I would feel indifferent because it seems normal to me? Men approach me all the time. Women approach my SO all the time. Its nbd.

EviessVeralan · 2021-11-01T23:06:05+00:00

I wouldnt personally think negatively of the guy but it would kill any interest i have of approaching him.

ItIsnt0verYet · 2021-11-01T23:43:53+00:00

Depends, if he is showing interest in them its more similar to finding out someone is in a committed relationship. He stops being an option. If he's getting attention and not reciprocating it wouldnt make him more attractive but it would make me curious enough to talk to him.

Digital-Bionics · 2021-11-02T00:02:53+00:00

Yes it's insanity

Superfluous_Toast · 2021-11-02T00:24:14+00:00

If I don't have the motivation to talk to a guy, other people's opinion of him isn't going to change anything.

Altruistic_Wafer4398 · 2021-11-02T01:50:48+00:00

Personally, it would make me less interested cause I’m not attracted to the idea of competing with women for a guy’s attention, even if they weren’t around him at that time. Maybe some women would like the challenge though.

LotBuilder · 2021-11-02T02:23:24+00:00

Women don’t really approach. If I am actually wanting to meet women I will be my best single friend and one of two women that are the best wingman on the plant. Both are attractive and charismatic. The girl with us what makes us more approachable. We are both 6’5 and 250+. He is black ex FB player and I’m told I look like I am out of a mafia movie. Without our wing woman we get much different results from very different types of girls. I highly recommend finding a cool chick HP go out with .

ididntwanttoexist · 2021-11-02T02:43:27+00:00

I operate on kind of a reverse social proof, in that the isolated weirdo guy is probably more my type and if they seem too sociable or extroverted, it puts me off. Some aspects of "bad" social skills or being "creepy" according to n0rmies would probably be more attractive to me, but it's not even a confidence/shyness thing, but a legitimate lack of interest in interacting with these people thing. If he's the kind of guy to be bothered about making protracted small talk with people, or wanting to entertain, be charismatic, "command the room" or whatever, he's not for me. I don't care about competition, either. I'm confident enough in my appearance that just seeing another conventionally attractive person interested in someone I was wouldn't make me instantly give up, it would be the fact that he was engaging with or reciprocating the interest that would put me off.

In the rare event I'm in this kind of social situation, I'd probably be more drawn to the guy looking bored in the corner, who may also have been dragged there against his will. That said, I'm extremely unlikely to ever cold approach anyone. If was on the fence, this scenario would put me off entirely. So perception changed, but negatively.

King8Kaista · 2021-11-02T06:02:33+00:00

Of course no one is gonna admit it. Most people of the same gender & environment are in competition. Especially women because they want the top guy

filthyburrows · 2021-11-02T09:20:53+00:00

why are all the damn comments deleted

Flintblood · 2021-11-02T12:45:13+00:00

This is a male answer not a woman. As an average sort of guy who was creative with his fashion and ideas, women seeing attention from other women often worked in my favor. Obviously, if you are a Chad or Tyrone you don’t need this. However, lots of guys can leverage it.

vial_of_music · 2021-11-02T13:46:18+00:00

lol, not at all

Hello891011 · 2021-11-03T06:13:00+00:00

Usually the guys that women flock to, in my experience, have acted quite arrogant. Maybe they let it get to their head? Or maybe they’re just not interested in me. Either way, I don’t care for it. 🙂

fe8tan · 2021-11-04T07:56:35+00:00

nah, def too anti-social and insecure for that. plus who knows if he’s really single or not. :/

Zerofication · 2021-11-18T21:51:30+00:00

Humans have evolved to be efficient, so instead of expending too much energy trying to figure out patterns around them, they just copy others who seem to be seeing the patterns. In a sexual setting for females, they unconsciously feel attracted to males whom other females seem to be attracted to. Look up the wedding ring effect for more info.

spinsterchachkies · 2021-11-01T19:29:23+00:00

Title	Does seeing a guy receiving interest from other women change your perception of him?
Author	Marino4K
Upvotes	104
Comments	422
Date	November 1, 2021 4:39 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/qkhy0b/does_seeing_a_guy_receiving_interest_from_other/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/does-seeing-a-guy-receiving-interest-from-other.1080586 https://theredarchive.com/post/1080586

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