Does the average guy really not get casual sex?

MasterTeacher123 · 2022-06-27T11:44:35+00:00

The vast majority of sex most men have is in the context of a committed relationship.

The typical guy gets “free” pussy a handful of times in life.

washington_breadstix · 2022-06-27T10:29:39+00:00

a few hookups a year

Most average guys probably don't even get that. I think "a few hookups a year" applies more to guys who are on the lower end of what women actively pay attention to, which is certainly a notch or two above "average".

And furthermore, "a few hookups a year" isn't nearly as much sex as those guys WANT to have. Why should any guy feel satisfied with that if he's capable of improving and getting more?

NinjaOfTheSouth · 2022-06-27T02:37:18+00:00

Average guys can compensate by having a characteristic that stands out.

But most average men aren’t getting laid because women don’t want or need to have sex with him. A hot guy will always fuck them if the women is willing, so why would she want sex with an average guy?

Once you break it down it makes sense why average guys don’t get play.

ResponsibilityKey427 · 2022-06-27T03:42:46+00:00

OLD killed the chances of the avg guy getting casual sex.

Bardox30 · 2022-06-27T07:16:32+00:00

A) Do you realize most guys lie about their sexual life because they don't want to appear as loser, specially to women, right? I mean, this is the obvious one.

B) Having a good social life is not something everybody or at least most guys can take for granted. It's a huge effort with no much gain for many of us, and because of that many decided to try less and less. It's hard to stay on the carrusel if most girls you met expect from you to chase after her without much reciprocating.

250umdfail · 2022-06-27T03:08:47+00:00

Average guy gets casual sex either by dumpster diving, or by lying to the average women about his intentions.

He's not picking up one night stands from clubs, bars, or Thursday night tindering. Nor is he getting into a mutual fwb, or nsa relationship.

Admiral_Gecko · 2022-06-27T09:50:48+00:00

I mean I consider myself ~~pretty milk toast~~ bland in terms of appearance. I haven’t had a successful date in… since 2016. Not for a lack of trying, I’ve been ghosted more times than I can remember using 7 dating apps and I’ve been rejected multiple times in the past 3 months. But yeah even during that date I got no action. I’m just chocking it up to unlucky. I’m just mainly focusing on improving myself and not really active pursuing anything. Gym, college, flight school, and working is basically my life so even if I wanted to date, I don’t have the bandwidth anymore.

Funny enough, despite my failure here in the USA, set the distance to mac all the matches I’ve gotten recently have been overwhelmingly been girls in places like the Philippines, Indonesia, and Vietnam. I guess from their perspective one girl’s trash is another girl’s treasure.

Edit: I meant milk toast in the way of that I’m pretty bland to look at. I’m not physically weak by any means, just boring to look at.

lukehighwalker15 · 2022-06-27T11:40:43+00:00

I don’t. I think I’m pretty average. Sure I got a few issues but I’m not a ugly dude. I have my money decent and I have pretty good social skills. Yet. I don’t get laid. Haven’t In like 3 yrs. Since my last break up.

Im a 29 yo male and only slept with my 2 former partners.

platinirisms · 2022-06-27T12:01:07+00:00

They get casual sex with women they’re well acquainted who aren’t looking or anything serious, like a friend who’s recently broken up looking for a rebound or casual women in their niche hobbies.

Average men do not participate in the “hookup culture” that involves going out to clubs/bars on a weekend, getting drunk, finding a girl and brining her back home. If they do it’s once in a blue moon and they’re considered lucky by all their friends, hence “Get lucky”.

SilentFroggy · 2022-06-27T03:46:08+00:00

For an average guy to get casual sex, they usually have to go out to bars/parties and also face many rejections. And usually the girls are drunk or massive hoes.

DontDefendTheElite · 2022-06-27T02:38:42+00:00

Correct. Your typical man does not get casual sex. Plenty of average LOOKING guys do, but we’re talking about your average dude- looks aside.

Complicated_Business · 2022-06-27T03:36:24+00:00

Average compared to what? In some online studies, women rate only 20% of men to be "above average". The 80% below them would - by a man's standard - contain many "average men". But in no way are those men having comparable sexual partners to their female counterparts.

CentralAdmin · 2022-06-27T11:30:30+00:00

They can but take note that sexlessness among average men has increased to the point that it has tripled in the last decade.

Add to that the fact that morbidly obese women have the same partner counts as average men, and that women rate 80% of the men on online dating apps as below average, and it paints a grim picture of the dating prospects of most men.

reignoferror00 · 2022-06-27T04:09:45+00:00

Good social life and a few hookups a year?

First, not sure if a truly average young man has a social life that would be rated as high as good.

Second, if he has a good social life only a few hookups a year? After how many situations and attempts? That's what the main problem is - the amount of work and failure for very few successes. I don't think many of them are actually saying it isn't possibly, just it isn't very much of a likelihood each time you go out. At some point, even with hormones at their peak, many ask themselves "Is the juice really worth the squeeze"

M_LaSalle · 2022-06-27T11:46:02+00:00

No, he does not get casual sex. He doesn't win the lottery, either.

No-Priority7869 · 2022-06-27T13:37:25+00:00

Women make it easy for guys they’re attracted to to get in their pants

Average guys can get casual sex but women don’t make it easy for them because they are attracted to average guys less frequently than they are hot guys

What women really fear in casual sex is being slut shamed. If the guy is hot enough they get less shit from other women for letting him pump/dump

So the average guy will have to be personable and fun in a way that doesn’t cause fear of slut shaming to get casual sex from a woman

glowup6168 · 2022-06-27T02:51:13+00:00

[permanently deleted]

cowfishAreReal · 2022-06-27T02:31:20+00:00

I know average looking guys who do and who don't. All of the ones who don't either don't want it or just don't go out and talk to people

Unique_Shoe · 2022-06-27T04:08:05+00:00

Don't believe any of the comments here. Nobody knows the entire sex life of another person. The only way to know accurately is through surveys and those definitely show a trend of declining sex among young men.

TomeStalker · 2022-06-27T06:33:26+00:00

A few hook ups a year?

Jesus it is bad...

Like I'm a 41 year old morbidly obese woman and get as many hookups as I want. I once did 9 in a 24 hour period (don't ask lol).

So to me that does seem bad.

fundsoverbuns2x · 2022-06-27T12:58:46+00:00

even some above average dudes aren’t getting sex

PeopleAreDemonic · 2022-06-27T13:38:50+00:00

Now that I think about it, they may but not always:

Some case studies I knew in college:

1) My tallest most popular friend would occasionally go home with women, but they generally weren't amazing looking. He was the most "successful" with women on paper, but it took me years to realize I was more successful than him because of my string of relationships with hotter women.

2) I had a very wealthy, very handsome friend. He was constantly with girls. But he said he was aware all of them were with him for his money and he said he was very depressed about it.

3) Another cut, six-pack having gym guy, perfect teeth, upper middle class. Seemed to struggle with women until right before we graduated, where he got a girlfriend who cut off sex with him like months before the marriage (according to his roommates).

These are the best example of above average guys I can think of. If it was like this for above average, can't even imagine what it's like for the average out of shape, poorer type. Though I have seen gangsta types slay.

BumblingBeta · 2022-06-27T10:59:39+00:00

The average guy is not getting casual sex. The average guy gets long term girlfriends or stays single.

Difference between average guys and incels is average guys don't complain about it. They busy themselves with other areas of life, with the expectation that a girlfriend will come along eventually.

Can you strike lucky as an average guy and get casual sex one time in 20 years? Sure, but it's very rare.

AidsVictim · 2022-06-27T03:08:44+00:00

Most average guys can get casual sex a few times a year. Highly social average looking men more often. High status average looking men basically whenever they want.

Most of the guys I know that are young and have a good social life will get a few hookups a year so why do guys on here say that casual sex isnt possible for the average guy?

A lot, probably most men, do not have a good social life at this point.

2022-06-27T06:31:39+00:00

Typically these average guys who get average sex are highly social, have low standards, or have really good interpersonal skills. And it is absolutely false that the average guy can't get casual sex, but it is harder.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2022-06-27T22:33:57+00:00

Yes, the numbers bear this out.

GSS, surveys, etc.

Only a relatively small slice of men are having casual sex.

And that's not all with hotties or models either --- we're talking pretty much, period.

It's hard to believe, but if you're a guy having casual sex --- esp consistently and easily -- you're in the top percentiles

Specialist-Action-33 · 2022-06-27T12:15:34+00:00

Average men do get casual sex, but in reality the chances are not as high as Chad would. I'd say once or twice every 3~6 months, but they go through a good length of dry spells in between.

Edit: Thats not counting if he only went after LVW who were extremely easy

Pilling_it · 2022-06-27T12:15:44+00:00

Most of the guys I know that are young and have a good social life will get a few hookups a year so why do guys on here say that casual sex isnt possible for the average guy?

I'm in that case, and I can tell you I'm slightly above average (enough to have been called cute out of the blue a few times) and I know my niche. Most dudes I talk to get their sex in relationships.

do average guys get casual sex or not?

Nope. But honestly you'd want repeat partners, fwb style. Ons are awful.

Kentucky_Supreme · 2022-06-27T12:27:58+00:00

If he does, then where does he go to meet women that are crazy about average guys?

Smitten_Squire · 2022-06-27T18:29:57+00:00

Average guys have to simp to get a ugly fat girl in a ltr lol. That's all average guys get

StolenSpirit · 2022-06-28T00:32:17+00:00

29m can confirm, last time I had sex was in 2017. It sucks but it's not something im consciously worried about. Still on Hinge , Bumble and Tinder (so many bots) I live on my own and no shame I really don't have any friends. Some days it gets dark, but I bounce back. I just never really had my moment with a girl. And every first date is the last, but if you look up some of Bobby Rios videos on YouTube that's helping better understand the fluidity and unmasking

WilliamWyattD · 2022-06-30T01:38:57+00:00

Average guys get more 'amateur' casual sex than at pretty much any time in history before now. Perhaps they got somewhat more or less at various points during the past 50 years, but this post sexual revolution period in general features far more casual sex for average men than ever before.

However, envy is based on relative inequality and failed aspirations. Modern media sets up the sexual accomplishments of high status, good looking men as 'the norm', or even as a necessary and essential part of life for every man. So in this context, many men feel they are getting almost no casual sex compared to what they should expect.

The bigger deal is that perhaps more and more men are being cast out of the predominant mating dynamic. This matters much more than how much actual sex a man gets.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-06-27T11:05:12+00:00

Most people have a ton of sex in relationships. Most women have casual sex in order to find someone who is actually good in bed, not because they are mega sluts hunting down Chads semen every 15 days.

PreparationWorried33 · 2022-06-27T02:32:26+00:00

Average men get casual sex. They just suffer from the green eyed monster because they can’t get it at the same frequency and with the same caliber of women as the Chads they love and hate.

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2022-06-27T04:32:40+00:00

I would say average guys can get zero to 3 sexs in a year.

todo_pasa_ · 2022-06-27T14:27:22+00:00

Obviously the ones who are having sex are not here. Everyone knows nobody on Reddit has sex lol

DLifts777 · 2022-06-27T22:22:28+00:00

Average in terms of looks? Absolutely, you just need social status/social skills and access to opportunities where you can meet women. An average guy with good social skills that meets plenty of women will do far better than a good looking basement dweller/gym cell.

Average overall and average looks? Okay this guy will struggle to get casual sex. Maybe if he's willing to dumpster dive or go through long dry spells. Another trick is to carve out a niche, maybe you're a rocker and you go to loads of rock concerts and chat with girls there?

I'd say though unless you're a 7+/10, I'd focus on relationships. Banging trudgy fatties isn't any fun and most girls in your league won't want casual sex with you because they can get better.

Casual sex isn't all that great anyway, relationship sex is much better.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-06-27T03:43:03+00:00

The ones who want to and who are social, do. Even below average looking guys. When you really start dissecting this, it usually comes down to either “I don’t like to go out,” or “I do get hookups but Chad gets more and hotter women and puts in less effort and it’s not fair,” or some combination of those two.

HazyMemory7 · 2022-06-27T06:45:07+00:00

Few hook ups a year isnt really my idea of getting casual sex lol

thegr8profiter · 2022-06-27T04:37:08+00:00

Men are luckier in the sense, that their persona overcomes physical traits. Men complaining lack of affection and sex usually have a very lacklustre, boring and many times repulsive personality.

Rejections based on height or other happen mostly in online dating.

daproest1 · 2022-06-27T06:18:38+00:00

No they’re not being dramatic.

xpinkrainbowsx · 2022-06-27T02:37:03+00:00

i think the problem really comes to what one believes “casual sex” is and the frequency at which it happens. i think the guys who are actually average in looks can pick up at least 3 or 4 sexual partners a year if they put in the work to, possibly more. that would be sufficient to some men and not enough to others. but i do think you’re right that too many men are labeling themself “average” when they’re actually “below average”, mainly in the looks and personality department.

eyesayhello · 2022-06-27T04:15:20+00:00

The problem is the average/typical guy today isn't very social unlike they were years ago.

koolex · 2022-06-27T07:08:00+00:00

I'm probably a bit above average and when I'm not in a relationship I do get a few opportunities for casual sex a year, but it's rare and I can easily screw it up. Most girls I do have sex with are expecting a relationship.

I think having reliable causal sex comes down to dating down, making pursuing women your part time job, and being very physically attractive - some balance of the 3. I hit limits on being physically attractive, and I can't really go far below my standards so I just need to invest an insane amount of time to have a lot of casual sex and it doesn't make sense.

I have friends who are more physically attractive and they just use OLD and can find a girl DTF once a week. It makes a lot more sense to just get into a relationship unless you're that top 10% of men and I think that's exactly how the dating market works out.

dbz19_kai · 2022-06-27T10:26:15+00:00

Average person doesn’t get casual sex, I’m pretty sure.

Otfd · 2022-06-27T16:35:17+00:00

Probably because many of the guys here spend more time analyzing every instance of failure in their dating game instead of moving past it like normal guys.

I mean I have a pretty good dating history, my body count is 18. My point is I have had all the ghosting, uninterested girls, and various other instances. However, I moved past them and chalked it up as whatever it's her lose. Dating is not easy, but you can't be so hard on yourself or the girl because she ghosted you. It's life, for all you know it has nothing to do with you.

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-06-27T02:28:16+00:00

If we're talking average in terms of looks: I think my husband is average, and he got plenty of casual sex when he was single.

pop442 · 2022-06-27T09:06:40+00:00

Tbh, it's guys who are either anti-social or have no social life outside of their immediate work who struggle the most.(And, even then, dating coworkers is still a thing.)

People really exaggerate how much average men struggle because of OLD, not realizing that the sausage fest environment of OLD contributes to the pickiness of the female minority there.

Irl, though, the main thing you need to do is have some type of social life outside of work and it becomes easier.

ImAGhostOooooooo · 2022-06-27T04:53:07+00:00

Most of the guys I know that are young and have a good social life will get a few hookups a year

Same. I think a lot of the guys complaining on Reddit have something wrong with their personalities but they don't want to admit it.

Marzipan-Happy · 2022-06-27T02:38:14+00:00

I think it depends. I've even met below average get plenty of sex. It depends on your attitude.

figuringMylife · 2022-06-27T03:17:15+00:00

apparently people think my ex fiancé is average and he definitely hit some randoms but could still get consistent sex easy and had a pretty high body count

sarkington · 2022-06-27T02:32:17+00:00

Depends on if they want to, same as women

HighestTierMaslow · 2022-06-27T04:03:21+00:00

He does if he wants it and tries enough with other women open to casual sex. Even more so if he lowers his standards to include more women. Don't believe that crap you read on here, men on here are not indicative of real life...

AelfredRex · 2022-06-27T11:37:38+00:00

It's not about averages. It's because they're Desperate Dans who have a million assumptions about women and dating and refuse to think otherwise.

You also have to factor in that women aren't usually looking for casual. They want real dating. If your intention is just to pump her and dump her, then that'll put most of them right off you.

Neptune-Jr · 2022-06-27T06:36:50+00:00

Wait this casual sex thing isn't a niche thing weirdos do? You guys are actually out here having sex with random nobodies?

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PMmeareasontolive · 2022-06-27T11:51:34+00:00

Many average guys don't set this as a goal because A) casual sex is fucking awful, and B) it's pathetic and a little sketchy trying to pick up strange drunks at a club for sex. But you do you.

RoboAvocado · 2022-06-27T13:57:22+00:00

are being dramatic and don't realize they are below average and that's why them personally don't get casual sex.

Friendly reminder that "the average guy" is overweight, with a hairline starting to recede, is 5'8" and with a mediocre job.

Bruce_Hale · 2022-06-27T14:18:12+00:00

Most of the guys I know that are young and have a good social life will get a few hookups a year so why do guys on here say that casual sex isnt possible for the average guy? So what is true here? do average guys get casual sex or not?

So young and good social life?

Yeah, not average.

torture_my_penis · 2022-06-27T14:55:58+00:00

I'm 6'5 with a big bushy beard.

I'm a pretty average guy, I get casual sex.

lalelu2727 · 2022-06-27T16:20:37+00:00

So I personally know only average guys as though I am also an average person living an average life and all the average people I know have sex and relationships with other average people.

averagedude4 · 2022-06-27T18:13:38+00:00

Well I can but it is has to be with 3/10 and below fat women. I’m probably around a 5/10 all things considered.

dadidada_dadadadou · 2022-06-27T18:58:24+00:00

33M here, I consider myself average or slightly below average on looks.

I was single during 10 years and I had 3 ONS and 2 FWB during a few months.

So my experience is that I could meet a woman for something casual every 2 years (and I let you imagine than a ONS every 2 years is frustrating)

jmooremcc · 2022-06-27T19:02:33+00:00

Depends on how low you set your standards. However, the lower your standards, the higher the probability of contracting an STI!

suganips · 2022-06-27T19:22:36+00:00

I don’t even try until I’m 10% body fat or below. I know exactly what’ll happen if I try to get a date or a partner if I’m above that body fat %. People are really shallow.

BrummieAMN19 · 2022-06-27T20:01:45+00:00

Yes of course, in fact the best guy I know with women is a very very run of the mill average looking white guy but is a natural who slept with 1-2 women a week before he coupled up and settled with his girlfriend.

Zcuzz · 2022-06-27T22:30:12+00:00

I tend to get laid more than most single guys (I must be around top 25-30%) and I go on droughts quite often. I face rejection probably 90% of the time (the boyfriend line gets dropped A LOT), and the vast majority of the numbers and action I get come from women approaching me. OLD is a useless waste of time, and it's virtually impossible to meet women I'm attracted to organically where I live. Pre-pandemic was a completely different animal and I was juggling women quite casually. Got in a long term relationship, pandemic hit, broke up, and came back to a dating wasteland.

Typo_of_the_Dad · 2022-06-27T22:46:19+00:00

If they are an average guy, they aren't below average.

sammexp · 2022-06-28T00:17:33+00:00

Most guys that I know… yeah if you are a woman, guys that don’t have sex, can’t even be in a relationship with one. No friendship nothing. Women run away from them

Perfect_Promise_943 · 2022-06-28T00:28:35+00:00

Ok Cupid as well as other apps have shown their statistic on the percentage of men that get swiped right by women and the other way around. They showed that women tend to swop right for the same 20% of men. While men swipe right for little over 85% of women.

So when you say that you have tons of friends that get hookups a few times a year.. the reality is that those men are not the majority or average.

So think about it like this. A very few percentage of men have the guts to ask a girl out. Think of the guys that you have met at parties, get togethers, out on the park or library, etc, they are probably the type of men who have the guts to talk to girls. Even if he is not hitting on you and you are like oh he is a friend of one of my girlfriends, at some point he had to had the guts to talk to that friend or someone.

So in other words, the average men does not have sex. So they are not below average. They are average. However, having said that, it is their dang fault that the average men doesn’t have sex. The dating market.. is a market. Who is the main consumer of men? Women! So if you don’t do what women like, then how are you expecting to get women. It is their fault.

teknos1s · 2022-06-28T02:22:52+00:00

Prior to me settling down I was a man whore, got plenty of casual sex

Master-Edward-3 · 2022-06-28T02:26:50+00:00

Eh what I’ve observed I could share is..Women don’t believe they are below average yet get average to above average men more than the reverse. Take your average woman and take your average man and by the end of the year you’ll see which comes out on top with the more return on investment for their fling endeavors.

Average 5 man is told he must decrease his standards to below average 1 and 2 women. Even in spite of working on looks maybe by getting exceptionally fit to morph from the 5 to 6 maybe even 7 card he’d still have to look down to those 3s, and 4s looking at him after all that work to not at least capture the attention of female 7s. Ppl will say he’s entitled if he experiences frustration. (As if someone else whom obtained a masters degree and cannot find work shouldn’t feel the least bit frustrated with laces of resentment) be that as it may…

Average 5 women looking up to above average 6 and 7 men rarer occasionally lvl 8 tier men.

Woman doesn’t care to lower her standards and never is told to.

Men suffer from their counterparts suffering from broken neck syndrome with their necks stuck upwards no matter what lvl they are.. they still look upwards of approximately 3 MV pts. Female 2s, 3s, and 4s look upwards to at least the 5s, 6s, and 7s male. Males can rarely bag their true counterparts although they too would love to score above their level. 9s and 10s of both sides of the aisle just see each other across the aisle.

Well aside from the 9 male might be looking downwards at times over the 6,7,8 women during their dry spells I would imagine. 9 female never looks down to anything less than 8s probably. Unless it’s a several figure professional that they can manipulate while treating like dirt simultaneously.

Women overvalued men undervalued.

Most 5s believe they are 8s if the best one night stand had was a 8.

Most 5s know they are 5s and begrudgingly know they had to settle for that 2 one drunk night mare.

Which case applies more likely to women and which to the men??’

Impressive-Salad-708 · 2022-06-28T19:03:50+00:00

Women get a lot more and easier attention and men are far more likely to say yes to casual sex. I read about a study some time ago in which men and women asked for casual sex on the street and 60% or so of men said yes while 0% of women said yes.

Most women can easily create an account on some dating app and get a hookup in a day and that even counts for below averange women (I would say down to a 3 or 4 is acceptable for most men)

f_ckupsomecommas · 2022-06-29T18:59:14+00:00

Who the hell knows bro, it depends on a variety of factors I’m sure.

decoy88 · 2022-06-30T05:31:33+00:00

Depends how social and outgoing he is.

Also whether drugs and alcohol are involved.

JumboJetz · 2022-07-02T02:59:50+00:00

An average guy can get casual sex but the effort is immense. I went to nightclubs every other weekend for like 2 years and had casual sex once as a result.

I’ve had girlfriends so I know I’m not quasi modo. I’m roughly average.

naeboy · 2022-07-06T03:50:41+00:00

I have not had sex since my ex, so around 3 years. Now, I have not necessarily been proactive in seeking out anyone, but being proactive is a key word there. In my experience as a senior in college, it is far easier for a woman to hook up with a man.

Ambitious_Building68 · 2022-08-01T04:47:19+00:00

The gym and optimizing your looks can go a long way. Especially with online dating. You can find a fuck buddy or an older woman to have fun with for sure. If you’ve got the confidence part dialed

Title	Does the average guy really not get casual sex?
Author	glowup6168
Upvotes	90
Comments	396
Date	June 27, 2022 2:25 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vlkps1/does_the_average_guy_really_not_get_casual_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/does-the-average-guy-really-not-get-casual-sex.1121322 https://theredarchive.com/post/1121322

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