Why does this sub look at men willing to date single moms so negatively?

WilliamWyattD · 2023-09-30T19:21:03+00:00

There is a lot of bullshit about single moms. Dating one should not be done carelessly. You are getting into a difficult situation. That said, I actually believe that on an individual basis, a man sacrificing to help raise a woman he love's kids is very noble.

That said, on a macro level, men as a whole do not want to undermine the importance of fatherhood or of a woman choosing the father of her children carefully.

Eastern-Action1384 · 2023-09-30T21:53:41+00:00

I am married to one. And let me tell you unless you really love her and she loves you back or you got no other option don't even consider it.

meshflesh40 · 2023-09-30T20:12:16+00:00

Men think from investment perspective.

Single moms tend to have higher standards and more hoops for men to jump through. (And Rightfully so since they have a child to worry about. )

So for a childless man,, a single mom is a bad deal.

If im going to jump through hoops and complicate my life,,, it might as well be with a childless woman.

Green-Quantity1032 · 2023-09-30T20:11:33+00:00

I wouldn't say he's a red flag,

I'd just say his actions tend to implicitly admit being low-value.

I say tend on purpose - it doesn't mean he's low value - it's just that on average I'd expect lower-value men to go for this kind of 'deal'.

EDIT:

I'm talking about exclusively and seriously dating - not hooking up or doing a mini-relationship few months thing.

TigerBiting_A_Katana · 2023-09-30T23:24:15+00:00

I don’t see them as red flags personally. However in my experience guys who date single moms with kids tend to be more accommodating, and not as classically “alpha.” I think as long as the man knows the full implications of the situation he is in, there is no problem.

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2023-10-01T03:04:56+00:00

If someone wants to date one, it's not anyone else's business. Not my chair, not my problem. Most people here just advise against it, because in the vast majority of cases it's a bad deal for the guy.

Demasii · 2023-09-30T19:59:44+00:00

It seems to be a reaction to the "single moms are hard-working selfless loving heroes" narrative. Women try to lift and emotionally support each other. This validates their desire to a certain standard that they expect out of dating men regardless whether they come with baggage like children.

Some men are frustrated by the "audacity" of single mothers because of their own struggle with low SMV.

hawgs911 · 2023-09-30T19:36:21+00:00

"Dating" single moms is fine. Having a committed relationship with them is a different story.

There is nothing a single mom can offer that a childless woman couldn't. But the single mom comes with all sorts of additional compromises. So any man willing to settle for these compromises likely has no other options.

AI_CODE_MONKEY · 2023-09-30T22:35:36+00:00

Because single moms are more likely to have ulterior motives, they want to find a man to help raise her kids.

Firm_Shirt_2553 · 2023-09-30T20:43:47+00:00

Why would you raise someone else's child? That is basically roundabout cuckery.

mrcs84usn · 2023-09-30T19:52:35+00:00

Nothing like the constant reminder that your woman was with another man. Every dollar you spend on their kid(s) is a dollar the dad doesn’t have to.

Also, I personally am not a fan of the idea that a man spends the time/energy to build himself up just to have to deal with raising a kid he didn’t even help create.

As Richard Cooper says, stop overcomplicating your life and then trying yo justify why.

Electronic_West_1831 · 2023-09-30T19:29:18+00:00

Paying to raise another man’s children is pretty lame, plus the odds are that the woman only sees him as a source of income

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-09-30T20:05:29+00:00

I think those guys should be left alone tbh. They're taking single moms off the market, which is good for guys who don't want single moms. Of course it does not increase the number of childless women in a man's dating pool, but you can't get everything.

PrecisionHat · 2023-09-30T20:45:40+00:00

It's seen as a trap, so men won't respect other men who walk into a trap.

I don't really agree with this sentiment, btw.

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-09-30T22:03:23+00:00

I think, for me, it has to do with the delusion involved.

Most guys who wife up a single mom think they’re being selected because they really are her top tier option, when in reality it’s likely based on her needs and circumstances due to the kids.

“Single moms don’t want love, they want help”.

WingOutrageous9987 · 2023-09-30T20:21:59+00:00

I dont see single moms as used etc, but you will end up raising someone else’s kids and if things go bad you will get no rights to see them again.

Also there might be an ex you will never get rid off fully. Depending on the ex that can be terrible. Eg what if you have to move somewhere for work?

Depending on age you will also sacrifice some parts of your youth and freedom to roam and do career switches. For those older this might not be a big thing but anyone younger it can be bad.

GloryToChadlantis · 2023-09-30T21:22:40+00:00

Because a good amount of the time they are single because they were stupid and fucked the wrong person.

Then for some strange reason expect you to pick up the pieces.

Over_North8884 · 2023-09-30T21:37:58+00:00

I've never heard of the willingness for men to date single moms as a "red flag". Where did that come from? Also, a red flag for what context? Men befriending such men or childless women dating such men?

MateriallyDetatched · 2023-09-30T23:06:11+00:00

Some men don't care, while other men don't want to invest their time, energy, and resources into another man's offspring.

The fact of the matter is that there are enough men in general who don't care about having any standards for women as long as she has a functioning vagina and acknowledges his existence. That's the only reason I can think of why it would be a "red-flag" since it implies desperation and a lack of options to start a family with a woman who hasn't reproduced with an absent father/fathers.

Pretty much any "issue" or "standard" you can think of goes exactly like this in the real-world: some people don't care while others give a huge fuck. Ideally, you end up with someone who accepts you for who you are, otherwise you're in for a lifetime of mediocrity at best or a lifetime of pain if you're lucky.

frappuccinoCoin · 2023-09-30T23:24:12+00:00

It means that man takes on the responsibility of raising another mans children, with none of the authority. It's lower value than a regular simp.

EuphoricBrightTipper · 2023-09-30T23:47:11+00:00

I would not welcome a new man around my kids, IDK, seems dangerous.

Those guys also seem to be very horny to become a parent to a stranger's kids. Would you trust such men?

Meanwhile, single moms are praised everywhere as warriors or something like that, for just doing what they are supposed to do... and they don't do it so good anyway often.

retal1ator · 2023-10-01T05:29:07+00:00

Because the dude shows to have little understanding of how these dynamic works. It would be like a woman with her life in order dating a broke heroin addict - what the fuck is she thinking?

soviet_enjoyer · 2023-10-01T13:01:31+00:00

Because they’re pathetic simps.

Grand-Inspection2303 · 2023-09-30T22:49:20+00:00

The driving force of the incelosphere is men feeling deep shame about their inability to attract women. This manifests itself as hostility to womenkind for rejecting them. One way they deal with this bitterness is to create a fictional universe of revenge fantasies in which the women who rejected them for more attractive men will suffer the same fate of permanent loneliness for making the mistake of choosing the attractive guys. The fantasy goes something like this:

20 yo Susy who's a 5 at best friendzones 20 yo Dave who is her "looks-match," and instead sleeps with Jason who is an 8. Jason "pumps and dumps" her as inevitably happens when a woman dares to sleep with someone above her looks-match. Susy gets pregnant with Jason's kid. Devastated Dave turns his life around and hits gym and gets a six figure job in finance. Ten years later Susy seeks out Dave so that her kid can have a good provider. Dave laughs in her face "Ha, Ha, should've picked me when I was a 20 yo scrawny geek, now you're doomed to be sad and alone forever!"

Obviously men who choose to date and marry single moms ruin this fantasy, so they're hated by the incelosophere. Also in order to keep the cherished revenge fantasy alive they must insist the men who do this are "cucks" destined to a miserable relationship. The idea that single Mom Susy might actually have a mutually satisfying loving relationship is too much injustice for the incel mind to handle.

daddysgotanew · 2023-09-30T22:20:45+00:00

Because no man who does so willingly is happy about it. He knows he’s settling. He knows he’s lowering his standards beyond what should be acceptable. But instead of improving himself so that he can attract childless women, he lays down and lets his lack of pussy make him do stupid shit.

He’s weak, and should be chastised for it.

JSears90210 · 2023-09-30T20:24:15+00:00

I am asking, why would you look at a man who is dating a single mom and go "oh he is a red flag!"

It is a shame tactic to try and control behavior. If you shame men for dating single mom's (most likely coming from the hardcore RP space) or you shame men for dating younger women (feminist space) what you are really trying to do is influence and or control behavior of not just that person but more importantly other men. I get the warnings to men who are inexperienced and can not vet a situation properly but shaming men for a dating a single mother is stupid.

srqfla · 2023-09-30T22:08:56+00:00

Because it's like being invited to a party an hour before it ends and cleaning up

resultsmatter1 · 2023-09-30T19:23:03+00:00

It at the very least shows bad judgement on the woman’s part to wind up in the situation in the first place.

And now a guy is giving that person a second chance with the odds likely to end the same way.

I know this is a PC no no opinion, but most men don’t want to play dad for a child who isn’t biologically theirs. There are guys out there who will and bless them, but for the vast majority of men it’s a non-starter.

Specialist-Action-33 · 2023-09-30T20:07:02+00:00

Well, found the single mom on PPD... j/k

Anyway, men who chose to date single moms are men who have no options with women so they try to take whatever they can get.

bodhasattva · 2023-09-30T22:13:39+00:00

I dont agree with it, Im just explaining it:

Those men are viewed as "cucks". He must be a loser to take on another mans kids & 2nd hand-wife.

Signal_Adeptness_724 · 2023-09-30T22:19:17+00:00

What's difficult to grasp? If the man is single and childless, dating a single mother is worse in every way vs dating a woman who never had kids. A single mother is often fatter and has physical effects from having kids, kids that are not the mans. The kids are expensive to raise and support. The woman's focus will be on the kids 80 percent of the time so you're never really in an equal partnership. They're not yours so even if you pay for everything and raise them, they'll still get unruly and the mother will get angry if you employ your own methods of punishment. Theres nother man in the picture who often is a deadbeat. Even if that isn't the case, it still sucks to see the other man take HIS kids out yet you're the one with them the rest of the time.

I literally cannot think of one positive associated with dating a single mother if you're not a single father yourself

Icy_Ordinary2025 · 2023-09-30T22:34:26+00:00

With all these negative comments about single moms....I wonder how many single moms are actually interested in any of the men complaining?

Seems like there's a lot more complaints about single moms than there are single moms interested in below average men.

Reasonable_Listen514 · 2023-09-30T23:03:32+00:00

I have nothing against guys who date single moms. To each their own. They simply deserve fair warning about what they're getting into, and need to know that being a single mom is a red flag in most cases.

macone235 · 2023-09-30T20:05:41+00:00

A man who raises another man's child is more times than not entering an abusive power dynamic, which proves they have no self-respect for themselves.

I think raising someone else's kid that needs help is noble in a vacuum, but when the mother is involved in this relationship, then it makes it inherently predatory. The woman is probably using you as a provider, and is probably not giving you many offspring, if any at all. Making a man a father is one of only two things that a woman usually provides a man, so if she is not offering that, then the bad deal that men typically get just got even worse.

The only time that becoming a stepfather should be tolerated is when the man is getting a good deal. i.e. The woman makes her own money (and won't stop to rely on you), is attractive, and will provide you with offspring. This is rarely the case with single mothers though, which means you are just making your life harder just so you can get some sex or pretend that you're loved by a woman. At some point, men need to realize that giving up the world for sex and illusions is not a good deal.

ArturoOsito · 2023-09-30T22:16:59+00:00

It really doesn't bother me in the slightest if someone wants to go be a stepdad. Other people's relationships are nobody else's business.

As for why single moms aren't attractive: having kids is a HUGE life decision, and having kids with someone you don't stay with is a sign of bad character. Whether he sucks and you were foolish enough to get pregnant anyway or whether you were the toxic one who caused the breakup, it's bad.

Plus kids and baby daddies are major baggage, and post-baby bodies are pretty gross.

I created that post in response to one I created about why women judge people who get into age-gap relationships. The overwhelming response was "ew old men are disgusting and shouldn't have sex with young women."

Swordfromthecement · 2023-09-30T20:48:36+00:00

The phrase “it’s not so much that you got better it’s that she got worse” comes to mind.

I don’t believe most men have a preference for someone who has kids from a previous relationship. If you’re dating one, it’s probably because you’re relationships in your 20s didn’t work out (you’re in your 30s), or she’s the best option you have.

Which is fine, but there’s a significant time and money cost that comes from raising a child along with a relationship that could end at any moment. It’s a lot more difficult than dating someone without kids and a man that’s willing to go into that arrangement is more selfless or stupid than I am.

It’s hard for me to look at those men and wonder, “Why not be alone? Why bother with all that?” But I’m a very prideful person who doesn’t want to have kids.

_here_ok · 2023-09-30T21:36:41+00:00

There's literally not much wrong with dating a woman who has children unless you yourself are unwilling to take care of those children. I guess the assumption is usually based on if they were to be in that relationship it'll feel like the woman is using them for something besides the relationship.

Usually men and women feel like they are using each other and the feeling of objectification is something we want to avoid. For women it's usually based on their sexuality, expectations to cook , clean and ect. For men it's usually based on the expectation for them to provide money, safety , and etc. It tends to either having very toxic reactions towards the opposite sex in specific situations

In turn to see others in a situation like that will make them view that individual as pathetic for allowing themselves to be in a "poor situation."

DEEYE_79 · 2023-09-30T21:42:36+00:00

Honestly, men want a younger, beautiful female. A single mom has all ready given her best years to some dead beat Chad. No thanks! We want that beautiful glow! That positive energy & fun!

grillopie · 2023-09-30T22:06:16+00:00

its not a red flag. i also dont care for strangers, but if a younger guy friend dated a single mom id be concerned. they are giving up the traditional honeymoon phase with no kids.

Commercial-Formal272 · 2023-09-30T22:11:27+00:00

I think a large part of it is that they are strike breakers. Men want to discourage the behavior and decision making that results in single mothers, so they try to boycott single mothers who are not widowed. Men who will date or marry single moms undermine that goal by removing some or most of the consequences of having been a single mother.

Acearl · 2023-10-01T00:16:39+00:00

No one wants to play another man's save file

There is something unusual about a person that is willing to. Unusual and or unknown to a majority of men. It is something to be skeptical about when it comes to an individual's character.

Astrotheurgy · 2023-10-01T05:07:36+00:00

ROI. Simple black and white of it.

But people probably look down on them because they're "simps" or are getting "cucked." Just another aspect of humanity swirling the toilet. Things are slowly losing their glamour regardless of logic or reason and things are breaking apart at the seams.

Sufficient-Print-705 · 2023-10-01T05:49:43+00:00

I think the demonizing of single mothers is a little over the top. Most of them are trying hard to raise their kids in what is a tough situation.

For men its also a difficult situation to date one because inevitably as the relationship grows you as the man will be in a complicated situation. If the baby daddy is involved you will probably come into conflict with him. If the dad is not in the picture you will probably be taking on some father figure roles of watching the kid and financial support.

The hard part is that short of legal adoption, you as the man have no legal rights related to this kid and you may develope emotional attachment and the mom can decide at any point to break up with you and never let you see the kid again. That would be hard for the kid and the guy.

In a lot of ways men who take on this father roll are very respectable. I may disagree with the redpill community on this, but kids are born into a world without any say in the matter or ability to change that. For a kid to not have a father is emotionally a horrible way to develope. The data on the outcome of these kids emotionally and life success shows how devastating the father absense can be. The men who step into this roll give a child an invaluable gift that usually is life changing in positive ways.

Regardless of the mothers decisions that made her a single mom, the child suffers the consequences. The child is the colateral damage for the situation.

VividlyDissociating · 2023-10-01T12:00:11+00:00

I knew as soon as I saw the title that the comments would be full of explanations for why they, personally ,wouldn't date a single mom 🤦‍♀️ instead of actually amswerimg the question. I would love an answer to this question also

wwwArchitect · 2023-10-01T12:15:04+00:00

It completely depends on the context. And to be fair, baby daddies aren’t any better than baby mommas. I hate the inconsistent double standard here.

Best case scenario: both partners are widowed and have a kid from their previous marriages and their kids are both same gender and compatible.

Worst case scenario: partners who were never married and have a bunch of kids from random baby daddies and baby mommas. And try to blend everything.

You can see it’s a huge spectrum.

pterry-dactl · 2023-10-01T19:12:41+00:00

Single mothers aren't a monolith and each situation is different. A single mother who is financially stable and has help with childcare is going to have plenty of options and won't need to settle.

Not wanting more children has been a bigger hindrance to dating prospects for me than being a single parent.

ambrosedc · 2023-10-01T20:00:43+00:00

They've got redpillbrain. A lot of them were probably abused or neglected as kids and they take it out on all single mothers and the people who date/fuck them. If you wanna look for a red flag look out for the tradhusband patriarchal weirdo that has creepy power fantasies, particularly over kids or stay-at-home mentally disabled

ornamentalwallpaper · 2023-09-30T19:11:59+00:00

some men have a lot of opinions about women they can't attract and are very protective of the money they do not have. This makes them high value.

Typical_Search3368 · 2023-09-30T20:24:47+00:00

No pros, all cons

John_Oakman · 2023-09-30T19:13:09+00:00

The fear of ulterior motives. Given the costs of childrearing for the socially middle class in the developed world it's an often unspoken assumption that such males are also forgoing continuing their genetic lineage as well as the obvious financial/economic and social (especially the judgement from the based & redpilled real men of the manosphere) costs. Therefore the only males who are likely to continue despite the costs are those who are motived by higher callings, playing the long game of social legitimacy, the truly desperate (LVMs), or the potential pedos & groomers.

Take a guess which types are more common (or at least, perceived to be more common)?

Shoddy-Donut-9339 · 2023-10-01T01:20:13+00:00

Because the men of this sub Reddit are young man and for young men, they are better off in a Darwinian DNA reproduction sense in finding a woman who can devote her attention to the children of the young man, rather than children are some other man. This would be even more true in a hunter gatherer society like humans were for the last few hundred thousand years that shaped our instincts.

Also the men on this sub Reddit tend to be immature men that are selfish at all fuck and don’t know how to interact with women or children. Purple pill is for men that women reject.. These guys don’t have an instinct to raise somebody else’s children. We are not talking about generous people or good citizens..

These are the men that women think are to immature .

There is no reason for these young men to raise somebody else’s kids and kill these men keep on stealing with women until they’re 30 years old and my settle for any woman that will have them.

When they are 30 years old and still no women want them, then they might see the advantage of dating single mothers. I would not really recommend that the unwanted 23-year-old men date single mothers. These men. May become successful with women when they are 27 years old, and more mature.

If these guys can’t even handle body count, they surely cannot handle children of some other man .

knv514 · 2023-10-01T01:48:03+00:00

Because they’re willingly walking into a situation where the odds are stacked against them. It’s a lame situation to be in having done it twice, so I can speak from experience. If you can find a woman who offers the same stuff with no kids and no mess, why wouldn’t you chose her over a single mom who you wouldn’t be a first priority to?

Revolutionary_Law793 · 2023-10-01T03:57:39+00:00

And single fathers? Omg, let me tell you.

The fact they are used goods with bad decision making isnt the worse thing.

They dont want a partner as much as they want a live in bangmaid to take care of their children. They usually outsource caring for their children but at the same time they feel like heroes and receive praise how great parents they are.

huolap8 · 2023-09-30T19:39:35+00:00

Well if I see someone doing something that’s foolish, it’s reasonable for me to call them a fool.

NotARussianBot1984 · 2023-09-30T19:58:10+00:00

I'm not sure. I'm very supportive of men who struggle at dating like incels to date single moms. I tell them to do so, and if they are struggling at dating just build up their careers, save up money, and in their 30s go find a single mom to date.

Men should be more supportive of the men who are man enough to date single moms. I'm not man enough nor rich enough, but I recognize my weaknesses.

0DarkFlirty · 2023-09-30T19:35:21+00:00

Who gives a fuck if a guy wants to date a single mom. Good for him. Personally won't do it myself anymore but I'm not gonna bullshit my friend and tell him dating someone who already has a kid, has a baby daddy, has literally less time to do stuff because of said kid, more likely to have more drama due to said baby dad, is a better prospect for dating than a woman who has zero of that going on. Pick your poison just don't fucking complain to me because I don't wanna hear it.

Buddy of mine won't shut the fuck up about issues I warned him about. She's a nice girl though.

monkeybeast55 · 2023-09-30T23:49:59+00:00

Pretty sad people use the term "baggage" for children. Everyone has baggage, but I don't think children are baggage. So yeah, if you think of children as baggage please stay as far away from them and their mothers as possible. No wonder there's so many screwed up kids around.

SlowEffective8146 · 2023-09-30T20:55:00+00:00

If a dude wants to be a willing betabux, he can go for it. There's plenty of childless women out there, to me all it signals is a lack of options.

srqfla · 2023-09-30T22:10:18+00:00

Being a stepfather gives you responsibility without authority. Nothing is unattractive to a man more than that. It's the definition of slavery

NefariousNaz · 2023-09-30T23:20:59+00:00

It's mainly cope.

Single moms don't want them neither.

I know because I'm down for single moms and they still were uninterested even though I earn 6 figures, was a millionaire at market top, and was a amateur athlete (track cross country).

roastpork99 · 2023-10-01T01:11:10+00:00

Obviously because this sub is dumb af, I mean this sub and social media tend to be extremes.

In real life well, let's start with preferences. Of course most single men would prefer a woman without a child. This is for obvious reasons that I shouldn't have to explain, as dating a single mom comes with its own added complications.

I'm sure if single dads were more pervasive in society then the majority of single & looking women would prefer a man without a child. Of course someone here will rush to disagree, but common sense says that a partner without a child is more straightforward on the whole.

That doesn't make single moms any less of a woman, and they aren't some inferiority as the weirdos here like to make out. But being a single mom does make dating harder, it's just the reality, just like being a short as a man will generally make dating harder.

That said a woman with a genuinely good personality, that can also select men well will probably do fine wrt dating and should still have an abundance of options (yes, even if she's only "average" in appearance).

Also what people tend to forget here is that sometimes you just meet someone and click with them enough that despite them having kids you still date them.

I've got a friend; 6ft3, his Tinder is maaaaad, the amount of women he gets and dates is insane. He's currently dating a single mom because she is an absolutely lovely person. He's not short of options but she's really sweet and trust me, finding someone like her is not easy.

Even a really attractive guy (that isn't a dumbass and has his priorities correctly laid out) will date a single mom if she's great enough, especially when you realise how hard it is to find someone you really click with, like "the rest of your life together" click with (that was corny but you get the point).

Finally, I don't know anybody in real life that particularly cares if their friend or someone they know dates a single mom, I certainly don't view my friends as "betas" or "simps" because they're dating single moms.

TopG20233 · 2023-10-01T07:13:57+00:00

Cos they are disgusting haha

SecondEldenLord · 2023-10-01T10:46:04+00:00

Because men apparently cannot have preferences. It's a shaming tactic to make men commit to single moms, nothing more.

Lazyhermit96 · 2023-09-30T19:55:44+00:00

because i dont want to be a settle choice because she had her fun with chad and couldnt get anybody else to commit, id rather just stay a lonely virgin.

trettles · 2023-09-30T20:46:54+00:00

Because most men here are low value, and they think the only opportunity they have to be with a woman is to date a single mother. This makes them extremely bitter.

In reality, I've known a lot of single mothers with no issues finding decent partners, so these bitter men likely don't even stand a chance with most of them.

Safinated · 2023-09-30T20:29:16+00:00

Because single moms are women who rejected men and shouldn’t have another. Instead, they should be punished

AnyIntroduction3288 · 2023-09-30T21:03:05+00:00

Men love to hate on other men. I don’t want to date a man with kids. If a woman wants to do it, I don’t judge her. It’s her decision and if she has a good relationship with her step kids and they love each other, then good for them. Men don’t think this way, sadly. They seethe.

Willow-girl · 2023-10-01T11:31:12+00:00

Maybe the men are looking for a girlfriend to mother them and they don't want to have to compete with her crotchspawn.

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lovestocomment · 2023-09-30T20:49:37+00:00

Its simple, dating single mothers basically reinforce their behavior and how they pick partners. Basically, there is no consequences to their actions and decisions made.

Think of it this way, if every woman is forced to stay with the man she decides to have kids with, they would be picking more carefully and wouldn't be as promiscuous.

The men who date single mothers, most don't really care about having actual relationships. They care about sex and that's it.

DoubleSomewhere2483 · 2023-09-30T21:05:20+00:00

Why are you asking men this question? Men aren’t calling these men red flags lol women are. Men aren’t calling any men red flags because they aren’t looking at other men as dating prospects

Raii-v2 · 2023-09-30T21:29:43+00:00

I mean, I’d date her. I just wouldn’t expect to ever be serious about her though.

jay10033 · 2023-09-30T22:00:30+00:00

If a father were to date a single mother, theoretically not a widow or the fringe cases, if the father bonds with these kids, then the relationship ends, what's the point? You have zero connection. You have zero right to determine that child's future. So you are at high risk of receiving no benefits, but incurring all the costs, for another person's offspring.

Further, you have no disciplinary authority over that child. Let the child have knowledge that you aren't their father, imagine hearing those words in the day to day ordinary course. It's a fool's errand in many cases.

Mellon2 · 2023-09-30T22:21:05+00:00

The father will always be in your life… why deal with unnecessary drama if you don’t need to?

If the guy is low value and have absolutely no choice but to date a single mom, I don’t blame them. However I do think those guys are typically low value who settle for less

Earth-lover93 · 2023-09-30T22:30:39+00:00

You do you but I won’t

AshySlashy3000 · 2023-09-30T23:44:00+00:00

Actually Humanity Needs Those Kind, To Take Care Of The Leftovers, They Are Part Of The Balance.

AshySlashy3000 · 2023-09-30T23:45:37+00:00

One Thing Is Dating And Other Different Is Keeping Them

Freeman_Goldshonnie · 2023-10-01T00:22:07+00:00

Really depends on the situation. For me it would depend on the situation. I'd be fine with her having a kid if her ex got hit by a car or something. But if she just picked the wrong guy, then no.

heros-321 · 2023-10-01T00:24:12+00:00

I'm in my 20s and know single moms are always around but childless women my age aren't going to be available forever. It's also unfair to me to be with a single mom now but if I also had a child I wouldn't mind dating a single mom.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2023-10-01T00:56:45+00:00

Because it bring no benefit to men at all, if I saw someone getting scammed I would warn against it

MrBrittle · 2023-10-01T00:57:35+00:00

Typically men date single mothers for at least one of these reasons:

He is not taking the relationship genuinely serious, and he is just with the woman for a good fuck, to have good company, or to have someone until he finds a better person: In situations like this, the guy no longer intends to get married and form a family with wife;
Pedophile;
It is the only option for some men, due to the fact that women who become single mothers lower the physical standards they demand in a man, and therefore start to give dating opportunities to men who they would not give the time of day to when they were single. That said, the man in question is a man without self-confidence and accepts the beta-bucks situation that the relationship will become;
He also has children with another woman, is single and does not want to have any more children. In these cases it is easier to get involved with a woman who already has her children.

With the exception of the last case, all other men are men who are not worth it. I would only get involved with a single mother if I was a single father and didn't want any more children.

renfsu · 2023-10-01T01:26:40+00:00

Cuz you either can choose a woman who's single or a woman with a baby daddy and a kid she expects you to shell out money for.

Unless you have kids yourself, getting with the latter comes across as you being unable to obtain the former.

Comprehensive-Pea812 · 2023-10-01T10:09:01+00:00

maybe they think logically no men would date single mom due to twice the effort but half the benefit?

and those who date women with kids might be secretly predator?

_Wolfszeit_ · 2023-10-01T11:27:04+00:00

It's a red flag because that means he has no access to better options and he has a bit of a cuck mentality

GloomyAvocado5275 · 2023-10-01T14:06:21+00:00

Not negatively and maybe a little of topic but I'm a lot more cautious about dating men with full time custody. I don't want to flippently meet someones kids without knowing the level of relationship I wamt with the person, I don't want to upset the children or the mother. I think men saying it's no different are not thinking it through fully

ReasonableHurry1786 · 2023-10-01T14:49:53+00:00

And yet...in all of the discussions about older men dating younger women it's OK to look at these relationships in a critical light with the reasoning that many women have seen red flags and experienced or known others where this did not end well.

The same is true with dating single moms. Many men have seen red flags and experienced or known others where this did not end well.

The same women complaining that men should give single mothers a chance are probably the same women criticizing age-gap relationships without the slightest bit of self awareness or irony.

FullLifeguard · 2023-10-02T04:25:26+00:00

Giving it to you straight: Any childless young man on his purpose never truly wants to date a single mom. Most guys you see doing it are desperate Oofy Doofy Derick Jaxn Simps.

My friend is 6’3 young man with good looks and he’s dating a single mom rn. He’s an idiot. Society is so gynocentric you have single moms calling out men to sacrifice their savings to babysit and get no pussy.

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throwaway164_3 · 2023-09-30T19:47:01+00:00

Single moms are ewwwww

benjo83 · 2023-09-30T21:32:48+00:00

I dated a single mother and she was one of the most amazing humans I have ever met. Hard working, always showing love, care and affection. She was always very responsible, even in the face of some very challenging situations…

We knock single mothers who don’t do their job perfectly, but we never give props to the vast majority who do an amazing job.

I have never seen single parents are “red flags”.

TheNarcosTribune · 2023-10-02T14:08:48+00:00

I’d date a single mom in Thailand. I’m the Only West or another expensive country… hellll no

NalkaNalka · 2023-10-02T15:22:17+00:00

"oh he is a red flag!"

Never seen such a thing. Where on earth are you getting this from?

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2023-10-04T00:38:49+00:00

I don't necessarily look at it negatively but i do question it particularly for younger guys.

This is a woman who has a whole baby, meaning in addition to her day to day life with things like work, you're now going to be splitting your time with this child. And (hopefully) the child will always come first meaning you will (should) always be put on the back burner. Then there's the baby daddy who she likely has a connection with. If they are still friendly, there's a pretty good chance that they still have feelings for each other and you risk being a place holder while they mend things. If it's toxic well now you're dealing with baby daddy drama. Also you likely will have the lowest priority of input on the Childs upbringing and it will never be your kid. And worst of all there's a chance you develop a relationship with the kid while things are good but at some point you break up. Chances are you won't be able to continue seeing the kid cause that's weird.

Why would a guy risk all that when he could go find a single woman and avoid all those problems

napoleon212india · 2023-10-10T18:20:56+00:00

I dated a single mom who was 38. Not applicable to all single moms obviously but here are some issues: 1) I was awkward around her kids. I hated the joint dates with her kids since I felt like I was a third wheel. 2) She was attractive when she was younger. She probably knew the hubristic mistakes that she made when she was in her late 20s(still a single mom) but her behavior gradually came back as we dated longer. She wanted more time, more attention, more everything, when I was giving everything except more money(grad student). I just saw her old FB post when she was a single mom in her late 20s. She called a guy a Mitch because he refused contact after she went on a date when they went on 2 dates. And another guy for the same reason because he was pissed off when she took 4 hours to reply. In retrospect she was a walking example of the women in r/whereareallthegoodmen where she had unrealistic expectations and hot girl behavior when she was still dateable in her late 20s despite being a single mom. As she grew older, I think she was just looking for any port(the 14 yr age gap). 3) They cannot emotionally bond. Just a hypothesis. Many single moms have made poor decisions which involve older bfs and husbands. I fell in love. But she was attracted to me only when I was interested only in casual. The moment I started catching feelings and opened up, the issues started coming up. 4) I rebounded with another single mom. Every interaction was a test and comparison with her God knows how many exes. "That's not good" for a random interaction. I stuck with her only because of the breakup and the phenomenal sex. 5) The common reasons. The kids and time. Always tired. Reduced attention. 6) She probably had a different type. What I could surmise from what two baby daddy's and the clear red flags I could see without even knowing them. She bragged about how her first baby daddy was a fuckboi and didn't have a value system regarding the men she chose. Some of her comments also confirmed she was unconsciously attracted to red flags. I was probably just a filler because she couldn't find anyone better. It later hurt when I realized that whatever we did together she already had a memory attached to doing it with someone else.

In summary, don't date single moms. Especially if they've been through a ton of relationships. It might be better if she's getting out of a very LTR like a 10 or 15 yr. I am not an incel, but a lot of the points about single moms in icel culture apply to her. Obviously all women aren't like that, but you need to think about their mental state when you're going with a single mom Rule of thumb, don't go near a single mom with multiple baby daddies. Or who used to be hot shit with promiscuous behavior (they brag about it) when they were younger.

Content-Pie1570 · 2024-02-25T15:39:50+00:00

Because they are desperate "men" willing to date low quality women that wouldn't date them if wasn't because they carry x3 children from failed relationships with 'chads'/'tyrone'. Betabux providers are a shame for their parents, a shame for 'man' (as a genre), a shame for society and a shame of themselves, the lowest of the low, even incels are good enough to avoid dating single moms.

Title	Why does this sub look at men willing to date single moms so negatively?
Author	TheAvocadoSlayer
Upvotes	51
Comments	549
Date	September 30, 2023 6:58 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16wespr/why_does_this_sub_look_at_men_willing_to_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-does-this-sub-look-at-men-willing-to-date.1233569 https://theredarchive.com/post/1233569

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