If there is a very high chance that a woman will divorce you in marriage is there any reason for men to get married anymore?

LotBuilder · 2022-05-11T04:30:53+00:00

I’m divorced, several friends are divorced and several more friends will be divorced. In hindsight we all ignored some major red flags. There are a lot of things you can do to minimize the risk. 1. Get married a little later. You have a clearer picture of the finished product. 2. Many mental illnesses show up by 25. Do not underestimate that or down play it. Even something like ADHD makes someone hard to live with. Divorce rates with mental illness are sky high, some as high as 90%. 3. Being on the same page culturally and religiously is huge. 4. Both parties having parents that are married and financially stable is huge. 5. Both parties being financially stable is huge. 6. Being from similar socioeconomic and educational backgrounds is important. 7. Genuinely liking their family and friends is huge.

All of these things lining up drastically reduce your chances for divorce. Drastically

shadowofdoubt13 · 2022-05-11T05:47:59+00:00

If you make enough money on your own, you don’t need to get married. Man or woman. Hell, even Oprah knows, lol she didn’t marry her guy

Caring_Cactus · 2022-05-11T04:29:11+00:00

Unless you find a good partner, then obviously it's not worth it. Marriage is like a business partnership, it's a binding contract, and clearly not everyone is made for business if they're not thinking about the long-term pragmatically.

YaKnowEstacado · 2022-05-11T03:14:28+00:00

According to studies 7 out of 10 women initiate divorce.

No. Of the divorces that occur, 7/10 were "initiated" by the woman.

cholmanattom · 2022-05-11T09:39:59+00:00

I think people nowadays are much less tolerant than ever. A few wrong moves and they run. I don't think I would marry anyone when general atmosphere is like this. Such a risky business transaction, too many demands and responsibilities and see no clear benefits.

iwasneverherehaha · 2022-05-11T10:56:37+00:00

The bigger question is what benefits do you get from marriage compared to unmarried ?

decoy88 · 2022-05-11T12:25:57+00:00

Yes. Because when a person chooses to marry. They marry an individual, not a statistic.

What I mean by that is you assess the prospects of YOUR personal marriage based on the individuals involved. Not on what a broad statistics tell you.

The divorce rate has dropped in the last 2 decades, but even if it hadn’t, a grown man should be able to make a good assessment of whether his relationship is more likely in the 50% success or the 50% failure.

If a man doesn’t know his woman enough to make any type of assessment on their future together, I agree he shouldn’t get married. But it’s not that hard if you actually pay attention to the person you with.

It’s similar to those reddit posts with questions like. “What gifts do women like for their birthday?” Bro if you don’t know your girl well enough beyond “here is generic woman present for your birthday!” you already done fucked up.

GlitteryDonkey · 2022-05-11T07:23:43+00:00

Why do 7 out of 10 women initiate divorce? That is what needs to be investigated further. Is it because the husband cheated but wants to remain married? Is the husband abusive and the wife decided she no longer wants to be in a relationship like that? My female friends that have initiated divorce did so because the relationship was over on both sides and the husband didn’t want to deal with the paperwork, the lawyers, etc. Getting a divorce is a lot of work especially when children are involved. This sub makes it seem like women decide to leave their relationships because they can not because there are issues with the relationship that are fundamentally wrong, ie cheating, abuse, etc.

How many men who cheat or abuse their spouse initiate divorce? If their spouse puts up with it, probably not as many.

This is not to say that the woman is always in the right to initiate divorce, but most women, at least the ones I know, don’t go into marriage thinking it is a temporary thing.

wrathofkalima · 2022-05-11T03:15:12+00:00

Don’t get married then.

sharksville · 2022-05-11T15:15:06+00:00

That is actually a good point. If women are commonly divorcing men, what value or meaning does marriage even have at that point. It just becomes meaningless. You spend time and make efforts in a relationship and it goes nowhere, so why bother to waste energy??

badgersonice · 2022-05-11T12:33:00+00:00

If you don’t want marriage, then there is no point in it for you. Date women who don’t want marriage, or just accept it if the girl you’re dating breaks up with you because she wanted to marry and you strung her along saying “someday”. But nobody is going to sell you on marriage if you don’t want marriage. Nobody wants a reluctant husband who had to be cajoled into marriage.

Sure, the statistics show that marriage is statistically better for children than cohabitation without marriage or just being a single dad. And that men are happier and healthier in marriage than single. But if you don’t want kids, or don’t care about the stats (and the stats are no guarantee for an individual anyways), then you shouldn’t care about that.

Nobody is going to try to sell you on marriage. If you don’t want it, beautiful women across the globe aren’t going to start desperately crying because MicksBlue doesn’t want to marry.

The_Meep_Lord · 2022-05-11T03:41:50+00:00

9/10 people end up dying. Doesn't mean the journey wasn't worth it.

fishmonger7 · 2022-05-11T09:23:55+00:00

Marriage is a terrible deal for men. We live in this world of supposed equality when in reality it’s push the men down and prop the women up. Men are disengaging in so many facets of day to day life that I’m sure will lead to the collapse of society. That being said there won’t be any men who will get married just due to this alone.

Presently the outcome is no better, if you do get married then expect to be divorced with half of your assets taken away from you. It doesn’t matter if you worked hard to provide a home and living for your wife/family. And to make matters worse the divorce court will happily help in destroying you.

RinoaRita · 2022-05-11T05:09:36+00:00

Who initiates isn’t necessarily a statistic that reveals anything. If the man cheated and the the woman “initiated divorce” is that the woman’s fault? Now I’m not saying that’s the case every time. But quoting that statistic as if it shows women aren’t loyal/flaky without additional evidence is misleading.

Now if you want to rephrase it as 50% of marriages end in divorce why do people even participate in this archaic institution might be fair. But citing the statistic as if it’s the woman’s fault because she “initiated it” doesn’t add up.

We have no way of knowing if she’s divorcing him because he beat her or if she’s divorcing him because he got cancer and she doesn’t want to deal with it. (Which is actually a thing where men are more likely to ditch a partner with cancer)

Play_Muted · 2022-05-11T04:29:32+00:00

virgin women have 6% divorce rate.

Wonderful-Farmer-763 · 2022-05-11T11:15:17+00:00

If you want to have kids you need to get married. Anything else is deep irresponsibility and cruel towards your kids

sernamedeleted · 2022-05-11T03:16:15+00:00

Logical fallacy detected!

Divorce statistics do not translate to individual likelihood.

It is beneficial to attempt to enter a marriage that has a high likelihood of success.

You can make that likelihood high by. developing healthy relationships.

Healthy relationships are based on open and honest communication between mature consenting adults who treat each other with respect and share common interests and compatible life goals.

So do that and don't worry about statistics.

Any_Drama3272 · 2022-05-11T07:29:10+00:00

If you want to get married one day but avoid divorce, then take some time with a therapist, because the fact is, everyone has something to work on and the only for sure way to make a marriage work is by trying to better yourself as a person to respect and get along with other people and that really is the end all.

Lurrtopia · 2022-05-11T05:40:46+00:00

After having been married for 10 years. I thought it was worth it. It seemed nice. In the end she monkey branched to another man. It's been two years since that happened. I've become more successful without her. The same hasn't happened to her. She had fun dating and playing around. Ultimately she's now miserable and regretting her decision to abandon a marriage and destroy a family.

You need to ask yourself "Is it worth it to you?" I can honestly say the only part of it that was worth it is having my son. In hindsight the experience has taught me a lot and opened my eyes. I don't trust women like I once did. I now see women for what they are. Just women. Not a queen or unobtainable dream. Just simply a woman.

To keep a woman in your life you have to put in a lot of work and time. Even when you think you've done all the right things. They'll prove you wrong. As a man, the investment required to maintain a woman is better put to use in maintaining oneself. Improving your own life and happiness. Rather than trying to improve theirs. Women had their time years ago when they actually acted like women. Today they're spoiled overgrown children. Too emotional, entitled, and jaded.

It's entirely up to you but think carefully. One woman can really wreck a mans life if he's not careful.

Vtridolla · 2022-05-11T04:32:08+00:00

I mean we all die, should we also ask what’s the point in living? Things work out or they don’t. Life is but a series of moments cabrón.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-05-11T04:32:47+00:00

Doesn’t mean the woman left or ended the relationship

Lezonidas · 2022-05-11T05:30:36+00:00

Until the law is equal for men and women (it's not even remotely the case right now, the man has a lot more to lose), it's not worth it, and the 50% divorce rate is because old couples are still part of the statistics, if only young couples were taken into account, the number would be much higher.

SmakeTalk · 2022-05-11T06:35:34+00:00

You shouldn't be afraid of marriage because of that.

I'd even say that if it scares you away instead of motivating you to be a better partner then you're bound to be one of the men that gets divorced with instead of one that has a lifetime marriage, or ends it themselves.

And to answer the question: the reason is because you love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them.

ruboyuri · 2022-05-11T03:11:41+00:00

Nope

Don’t get married

For gods sake don’t get married

We don’t wanna hear the whining

gopher_glitz · 2022-05-11T07:46:30+00:00

My paternal grandparents died married but they had both been divorced before. My mom parents were never married. Mom married and divorced twice. All my moms 4 sisters got divorced at least once. Dad sister divorced as well. Best friend...yep...divorced too.

I know a married couple been together since highschool. Husband probably cheated, and their marriage is not something to be envious of.

Lot of married people wish they weren't.

roseybombosey · 2022-05-11T09:03:47+00:00

i don’t think marriage is necessary anyway i’ve never understood why you need a piece of paper and an expensive ceremony to say you love someone. but i think most marriages are initiated by women because men are more okay being in a bad and stale relationship neither are happy

revente · 2022-05-11T09:49:34+00:00

I hate how people romanticise the need for the relationship to last forever.

Yeah it's great if it does. But if someone stops to work it's better to break up and look for a new partner.

Many of those who get married, do it out of love, but still anticipate the chance of a divorce.

twa8u · 2022-05-11T11:28:25+00:00

As a thought experiment, if prostitution is legalized and is cheap like buying groceries, most men wouldnt be interested in a relationship

The time wasted in overthinking and being victim to someone else playing games and drama would all be directed for money making and self development. It would change the dating dynamic forever and power dynamic that women have

Prize-Thought-4205 · 2022-05-11T11:38:27+00:00

I love how this sub keeps making all these threads every couple months & eventually reaching the same Logical conclusions the men in the communities they criticize have come to years ago, “wait a min, oh *… is this why young people don’t want to marry or have kids as much!? If divorce grape & having to pay child support for theirs or someone else’s kids happens a lot now a days… why do it all?” I mean obviously there’s already a ton of mandatory vulnerability, opening up & giving your Partner the ability to destroy you with any healthy relationship but having the *government so involved & invading your space, taking away a lot of resources/freedom when you already lost out on investing a ton of time, energy into the women. That sounds dangerous.

tossa445 · 2022-05-11T11:49:34+00:00

The reason for marraige is family formation.

wtknight · 2022-05-11T12:43:01+00:00

I think that the deep down reason people still get married is because they think that being married provides a more solid foundation for having a family. I’ve never met anyone who has never wanted to have children who also got married, but I’m sure that they exist out there. I really don’t see the reason for getting married unless it’s to have and to raise children together.

Demasii · 2022-05-11T12:54:26+00:00

The average driver believes they are an above average driver. Same mindset applies to marriage.

Marrying men who are fully aware of the statistics believe that they are the exception and not the rule.

Interpersonal relations are very nuanced. It's easy to trick yourself into believing that your relationship is different from the "others".

yogadogsfriedfoods · 2022-05-11T14:34:14+00:00

A marriage can be successful for a limited number of years, but still end in divorce. Finality is not necessarily the measure of a marriage being successful.

tritoneharmonies · 2022-05-11T14:38:56+00:00

There's the who dunnit. I'd like to hear more from said women about the why dunnit.

Five_Decades · 2022-05-11T15:06:57+00:00

A woman's education is one of the best predictors on whether she'll file for divorce. College educated women only get divorced at rates of 10-20%, while women who dropped out of high school divorce at rates closer to 50%.

EviessVeralan · 2022-05-11T16:17:28+00:00

If you don't want marriage just don't get married.

Typically men who do want to get married do so for religious reasons or to have children (who statistically speaking do better in a two parent household).

midwesternMD · 2022-05-11T04:18:01+00:00

For me, I’d want to get married if I wanted to settle down and start a family with her.

The tax breaks are a small perk, but staying single and only spending on “me” things is cheaper in the long run than getting married and having to share expenses on “us” things, in my opinion.

Automatic beneficiary status/power of attorney is kind of nice with marriage, but those rights can be established independent of marriage.

The other reason is if you still personally believe that there’s symbolic value in showing your commitment to each other via something as formal as marriage.

If you’re terrified of failure (ie getting a divorce), one surefire way to avoid that is to never play. (Don’t date/marry) Everyone has to decide what is worthwhile to them.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2022-05-11T04:32:00+00:00

Why do you think men are checking out of marriage?

social_mule · 2022-05-11T04:02:06+00:00

No. No there isn't.

Louis_Litt_esq · 2022-05-11T05:35:09+00:00

There are incentives in certain circumstances. I'm a man that has gone through the normal cycle - marriage, kids, divorce, child support etc. and still remarried. Circumstances that made the difference the second time - no children involved, she's fully independent, high earner with fully funded retirement, and spousal benefits from her employer.

Regarding the stats about women initiating divorce, if they're anything like mine, the divorce was mutually agreed upon and her filing was just a technicality/standard practice.

Kitchen_Apartment · 2022-05-11T14:20:09+00:00

It's important to ask WHY are 7/10 women initiating divorce? Has the man cheated or stopped putting effort into the marriage, so the woman is fed up and divorces? I don't think that statistic represents blindsiding divorce papers from the women each time and to truly evaluate risk, it's important. Divorce doesn't always represent the bad thing..maybe the relationship was bad.

Marriage is a risk, but it's a risk you have some control over. Do you have healthy communication skills, work on your relationship, and chose a good person to marry that you had enough time to evaluate prior to marriage. The stats don't scare me because I know I don't have 100% identical behaviors to people that have already been divorced.

sarkington · 2022-05-11T03:24:14+00:00

If you marry and then repent, we will all mock you, and deservedly so

Few things are as universal and transparent as marriage

Swordfromthecement · 2022-05-11T03:48:09+00:00

Gotta try it at least once!

RealNiceLady · 2022-05-11T06:20:33+00:00

there is a very high chance that a woman will divorce you in marriage is there any reason for men to get married anymore?

What is the alternative? MGTOW?

jamesbwbevis · 2022-05-11T10:57:40+00:00

The only reason is that most men are alone and miserable so t's worth the risk for them.

You don't really have much to lose if you're a miserable incel. May as well try it if the opportunity comes up

AbbreviationsHot1200 · 2022-05-11T18:12:39+00:00

There is absolutely no point to getting married as a man.

Not even if you want children. Just have them out of wedlock.

The only time you should get married as a man is if she makes a lot more money than you and she doesn't want to sign a prenup.

Lateralanouncer · 2022-05-11T04:12:24+00:00

No, romantic whatever, don't buy the cow if you can get the milk free, just enjoy your turn like all the men did before you.

The cow is not woman its an old saying.

figuringMylife · 2022-05-11T03:24:49+00:00

no. please don’t get married!!!

SnooCats37 · 2022-05-11T06:33:18+00:00

If you want to talk about who is initiating the divorce, you need to talk about what led to that divorce. It isn’t black and white.

peanutbutterjams · 2022-05-11T05:31:23+00:00

Yes, there's every reason.

First off, your divorce rate information is wrong. A 2019 survey pegged it at 14.9 divorces per 1,000 marriages. Source

It's a bit more complicate because age has a factor (boomers married a lot so divorced more often) but it's important to remember that:

the characteristics of women, particularly millennial women, who are married today, are very different from the characteristics of their parents

Beyond that, it's the trust you have in your partner. Too many people convince themselves that there's something there that's not because they want it to be there.

Wait for the real deal, no matter what, and you'll be fine.

jah-roole · 2022-05-11T06:03:06+00:00

Yes, you can be married as many times as you want. Nobody ever said that life ended because you got a divorce. Also, children are an experience that is unmatched by literally any other experience you might have so you should definitely do that and then provide an environment where those children can thrive regardless of the silly little feelings and insecurities you might have. It’s bigger than you, accept it and live your life to its fullest while striving to be a better human being every day.

AutoModerator · 2022-05-11T03:08:05+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

stanleysgirl77 · 2022-05-11T11:36:54+00:00

I honestly think it works both ways but I don’t have stats on which gender initiates divorce. Can you link some plausible stats OP? Or can anyone else?

daniellederek · 2022-05-11T11:47:37+00:00

There really is zero benefit to marriage for the average man.

There may be some benefit if he marries a woman in a career with a defines benefit pension with survivors benefit.

The paltry tax breaks offered married folks are less valuable than in the past. Dropping the income splitting tax break was a nail in that coffin.

There honestly is zero benefit to marriage for men in 999 cases out of 1000.

StinkingDischarge · 2022-05-11T12:48:06+00:00

To a man, marriage is like playing Russian roulette with 4 rounds in the cylinder. If there is a significant disparity of assets in the man's favor make it 6 rounds in the cylinder. Why would anyone do that??

GlowingAsItDazzles · 2022-05-11T13:05:50+00:00

According to studies 7 out of 10 women initiate divorce.

yeh, no. WHEN divorce occurs, which is a minority of marriage, 70% are "initiated" by women

maybe divorce just isnt as big a deal as you neurotic lunatics think it is? im married and my h could divorce rape the shit out of me tomorrow--id live

GloomyHousing2657 · 2022-05-11T13:15:10+00:00

I think honestly a lot of people were getting married in lust and not because they were in love. I think the divorce rate has gone down actually.

bunker_man · 2022-05-11T14:36:01+00:00

Divorce rate is only 50% because of serial marriages. If it's your first time, it's not likely.

meteorness123 · 2022-05-11T14:53:33+00:00

Similar age Similar educational background and values

Preferable a tiny a little bit higher market value than your wifen(although nit necessar)

There you have it. A succesful marriage.

InfamousBake1859 · 2022-05-11T14:54:13+00:00

First time marriage is much lower. The risk of divorce is lower in college educated. The risk further drops if you marry after 25.

Second and third marriages have like a divorce chance of above 70%. Which is why the divorce rate is 50%.

Puzzleheaded-Lab-165 · 2022-05-11T15:48:35+00:00

I want to know how many wifes’ husbands who provide, protect , and leads their family, But she divorces him for not acting or saying things like the men in Hurleton novels. What do those statistics look like?

Admirable_Bee_8714 · 2022-05-11T18:34:19+00:00

Not really. In fact marriage is one never ending audition where the prize is just surviving another day where you don't get destroyed by divorce.

Ladywhofishes · 2022-05-11T18:56:32+00:00

More women initiate divorce but divorce is a two-way street. Both sides have to have let the marriage fail. If you want to get married and start a family you need to be grown-up and put your selfish ways behind you. Sadly most generations alive today can't do that.

Necessary-Worry1923 · 2022-05-11T19:21:02+00:00

Incorrect statement. What should have been said was 70% of ALL DIVORCES are initiated by females. Typically 50% of marriages end in divorce, and often men are the actual cause of the divorce because of higher incidence of male infidelity, or domestic violence.

Women cheat more than men when they are young and sexually very attractive 18-25. After that age most of the adultery is massively committed by husbands, and women never ever catch up. As men approach their 40s to 60s, the adultery rate skyrockets upwards. Men will sometime marry a younger wife at that phase. Women have greater difficulty getting married at 50 and above.

Visible-Doughnut-782 · 2022-05-11T21:34:26+00:00

Given there is now very little social stigma to cohabitating and starting a family outside of marriage; any man choosing to do so in this day and age has to be pretty crazy. The advantages to getting married are so outweighed by the negative consequences of divorce for most men that is baffling it has still yet to die out completely.

The reason it hasn’t died out of course is because Woman are keeping it alive. Not because Woman believe in the intuition of marriage in genuine sense( as illustrated by the vast majority of divorces being initiated by Woman) but because they simply see marriage( and especially a wedding) as a life mile stone- not much different than passing your drivers test or buying a house. Let’s face it the vast majority of Men only propose because their girlfriend expects it of them rather than because they in anyway believe it represents any kind of emotional “commitment” more than simply being in a monogamous relationship. Unfortunately we have also now reached an era where getting divorced is nothing more than a rites of passage as well.

I suspect marriage truly will die out and only when Woman over take Men in terms of average earnings. When this happens most Woman won’t won’t to get married in the first place as they will stand to lose too much financially in the result of divorce. This is probably only a generation or so away.

dottywine · 2022-05-11T22:01:15+00:00

The surveys don't say 7 out of 10 women initiate divorce. They say OF people filing for divorce, 7 out of 10 of them are women. It's really important to properly understand stats. 70% of women who get married filing for divorce (not accurate) is VERY DIFFERENT than 70% of divorves are filed by women.

This is why it's different:

There are 69 million married women. 70% of this is 48 million. The misinterpreted stat would say 48 million women are filing for divorce.

However, there is only about 800,000 divorces filed each year. So you see how the incorrect interpretation of the stat doesn't make sense?

The correct stat would say that of the 800,000, 560,000 were filed by women.

Also consider the stat that 45% of marriages end in divorce.

So if you believe you can be in the 55% that last - and you feel you have done the things that seem to statistically improve your chances (examples: therapy, waiting until you're 30, etc), then marriage is worth it. IMO.

boomershack · 2022-05-11T22:42:19+00:00

Not anymore no. To have a fulfilling relationship with one or multiple women, marriage is not required at all. In the past it definitely meant something more.

It's 2022 however and divorce is a lucrative industry that will leave a brother shell shocked. Get that paper attorneys!

Comments