How do women honestly feel about guys that are genuinely going about improving themselves but still can’t get laid?

tio_mio_1999 · 2023-04-02T18:57:05+00:00

Self improvement is very good, but there's a limit to it. We must face it - some men or women, no matter what they do, will never find love. It's the ultimate pill to swallow.

Crafty_Letter_1719 · 2023-04-02T20:42:31+00:00

The same way most people feel about those in a less fortunate positions then themselves. A fleeting bit of empathy and then they go about their day without thinking about it again.

This question is like asking somebody complaining here about not being able to get laid how they feel about the slave that built the phone they are using to type this on?

Unless they are a complete sociopath they probably think that it sucks to find yourself and in that situation but that is just unfortunately the cards they have been dealt by life.

There have been studies done that show most human beings are only capable of experiencing true empathy for up to 150 people that they know personally. There are 8 billion people in the world. It’s little wonder things are so unequal because the harsh reality is human being simply don’t care in any meaningful sense about the suffering of strangers. If we did the world would be a completely different place.

FlyV89 · 2023-04-02T22:44:50+00:00

If you ask women here, they will tell you all their average and ugly male friends and relatives are doing great and are very succesful with women.

Men sorround themselves of men who are succesful, all the time they are around men who just "get it", so men who are unsucessful are not a thing women can relate to.

Go to a bar, a nightclub or a park, you'll see lots of women all over the looks scale with quite good looking dudes. They don't even have ugly male friends often, and when they do they kinda "asume" (pretend) the dude is doing well just as a cope.

It's basically hard for women to relate to unsucessful men, becuse they really don't run into those men on a daily basis.

But in fact, it's really simple to make a point here.

Women will 100% admit they are not as "visual" as men are, and they are just inmediately attracted to a small portion of men.

For example, my female friends say on average say when they are walking the streets, 1 in every 10-20 random men they see between 20-40 years old gets their attention.

Well, those 19 men left are not the "successful" men. Simple.

I know this because I've been in the two sides of this equation, I'm 6.3' and super lean, always in the 8-11% bodyfat (fast methabolics and hiperactivity, genetic neuro-endocrine heritage I guess) so I can look muscular and very ripped (210 pounds) if I'm dieting and excercising a lot, but when I don't my weight wears down a lot and I end up looking skinny-ripped (at 170 pounds sometimes).

This can even happen in a span of a few months sometimes, so it's very easy for me to kinda "contrast" the experiences with women when I look one way or the other.

And yeah, it's night and day.

And when I say it's night and day I mean going from getting 70 matches at Tinder in a week to almost NO MATCHES in the next month as soon as I update my profile picks from 210 pounds and jacked to 170 pounds. This actually happened, I had to update my profile picks because two women told me I was "catfishing" and my picks were really old, which really was not the case, it were from a year to six months ago, and I just thought I didn't look that different.

I'm also a customer, I own several clothing shops, and I've made working out and eating good a second job basically because noticed when I look great I also sell more and make a substancial amount of money then when I look just "average".

Random women will come to my shops more often, be more kind and "generous", even when trying clothes my opinion would be taken more seriously and if I tell them "that makes you look gorgeous" they will bought the product 9 out of 10 times.

Female friends that have gone no contact will suddenly start hanging around me a lot more, will come to my shops just to talk (and will bought stuff of course haha) and even exes will hit on me more than ever or will try to retake contact again.

Of course it works the same way with random women at the streets, bars, nightclubs, buss stops and so.

Even women walking alone in the streets at night will make eye contact and smile instead of just crossing the street when they see me come.

Dahmerino · 2023-04-02T19:40:42+00:00

maybe because having a good career or a good hygiene can't fix your bald head or grow you taller

96tillinfinity_ · 2023-04-02T19:46:15+00:00

They don’t care. When I say they don’t care, I dont mean it in a “they are happy its happening to them” way (well maybe some are happy) I mean it in a “not their problem” way

A percentage of men being sex-less doesn’t impact women directly, so why would they care? They can get on forums and show sympathy but what does that do? Nothing

It sucks but you cant force women to fuck and date who they are not attracted to nor should they have to. You can say “women owe it to humanity” but you are playing a dangerous game when you go there. Theres no rational solution and nothing is going to change

TurtleDickSlap · 2023-04-02T20:50:49+00:00

I'm a callous man, and I feel bad for anyone (man or woman) who takes the time to listen to what their preferred demographic wants, puts in the work to be appealing to that demographic, and still doesn't get results.

We all need to be a bit more empathetic towards them because it's a cold lonely existence and it's only exacerbated by the feeling of failing.

Powerful_Carrot3340 · 2023-04-02T19:00:26+00:00

I’m not a woman but I feel you on this. I’m 6’4, mixed with green eyes, athletic, lean and skinny, and artsy. I live in LA and even in LA I don’t struggle attracting women at all. In fact 90% of my dating life since 15 has been women approaching me. I’ve messed up a lot. Cheated. Lied in attempts to let people down easy. All things I regret and have changed with age and growth.

With that being said. None of it matters. Every single one of my exes would take me back in a heartbeat if I reached out. My co workers have asked me out on dates and some of them are in LTR. Every where I go whether it be bars, stores, restaurants, pop ups, museums, or hikes, women smile at me and give me positive receptive feedback. Girls don’t throw themselves at me like gigachads but they definitely toss themselves at me.

I, like you, have many friends (a couple specifically) that come to mind with this post. They’re good guys. Educated. Smart. Nice. Funny. But they just don’t have it. I don’t know what it is but they can’t get women. There’s an “it” factor to get women that if you don’t have it…you just…don’t.

And the older they get, the worse it gets because they’re just not getting any “at bats”. It’s really sad. They ask for advice and I tell them things like “be yourself” and “be goofy” and “listen more than you speak” (all things which work for me) but part of me knows that deep down they just think I get women because of the way I look.

And they’re probably right. Id like to think I’m an interesting, kind, approachable, active guy.

But a lot of my success with women comes down to genetics. Which unfortunately is a lottery.

Genetics and at bats. I’ve been with women since a very young age. I’m comfortable around them because it’s normal for me.

The truth hurts. And I hate seeing my homies struggle.

I hope they find someone who will love them for who they are. I hope I do too.

Kobe_curry24 · 2023-04-02T19:36:46+00:00

They don’t care lmaooo

EulenWatcher · 2023-04-02T18:19:37+00:00

I feel sorry for them, just as I feel sorry in the same situation. Loneliness sucks, desiring something and not having an outlet for this desire sucks too, especially when social medias rub it into your wound that apparently everyone else is dating and having a fun life.

Unhappy-Put5158 · 2023-04-02T23:10:43+00:00

So speaking as a female, maybe they are looking in the wrong places or need to put themselves out there more. All of that self improvement is great, but it doesn’t mean anything if they don’t put themselves out there and be genuine. Having hobbies or having regular routines should open them to females who have those same common interests.

Also, it really doesn’t matter what job you have or how much of an expert you are at something…. As long as you have good habits, good intentions and don’t take life too seriously- you’ll be alright.

If anyone goes into a relationship with the mindset of “what can you provide?” Rather than “what can I provide?”, it’s not a relationship you want to be in. So pretty much, know what quirks you are willing to accept. Everyone has their issues and no one is perfect. If they (females you are interested in) doesn’t understand that, then they aren’t mature enough.

Freethinker312 · 2023-04-02T19:22:40+00:00

If they genuinely desire a committed relationship, and feel lonely because they don't have a such an intimate relationship, I feel honestly sorry for them.

However, if the only thing they want is to get laid and they can't find someone to have sex with, I don't care. I don't feel sorry for people who don't get an opportunity to use another persons body for their own pleasure.

KayRay1994 · 2023-04-02T19:24:02+00:00

here’s the issue with your assessment of this guy - all we know is that he works a job, has friends, goes to the gym and has a degree. We know next to nothing about him as a person, just a list of credentials.

I can’t emphasize this enough, you can’t quantify meeting women into what basically boils down as a resume, and that’s not to say that none of these things are important, cause they are - i’m just saying that a set of credentials doesn’t tell you anything about a person - now, i really hope this guy manages to figure some stuff out, but you can’t make a character judgment on someone, nor can you expect to meet women simply by handing out a resume, for lack of a better term

Katatonicsnake · 2023-04-02T22:43:56+00:00

In general, I feel empathy towards people who don’t get the love they want in their lives. It doesn’t matter who they are. But I don’t necessarily see it as heart wrenching. People who are completely alone in this world, however…

To sum it up, I don’t think them that much.

Separate-Practice171 · 2023-04-02T23:03:18+00:00

All that you mentioned though are not improving the traits that actually matters. I see this often when people talk about self improvement, everything you’ve mentioned here is the easy part. You’re improving your outer world while neglecting the inner world. What’s your personality like, what are your views etc. The thing is you’re looking to get laid a lot of women are looking for relationships; she’d be a real slimy woman to just have sex with you without feeling love toward you, you have to connect with women before having sex with them majority of the time. The way women are shamed for sex, they’re keeping it to themselves until they find the one. Have you ever met an extremely attractive woman and then you see who she truly is and you become disgusted by her. Personality is everything, so many unattractive men are married it’s insane.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-04-02T23:28:22+00:00

why would i ever think about them

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-04-02T18:19:55+00:00

It sucks and I feel sorry for him. If there was something I could do to help, I'd try, such as trying to set him up with friends. But unfortunately, short of fucking him myself, there isn't much I can do for him.

Safinated · 2023-04-02T18:28:23+00:00

The same as I feel for women who genuinely want love and still end up with jerks. Unless they have kids

houstongradengineer · 2023-04-02T19:14:50+00:00

So there's a guy at my last job who was like this. I felt kinda bad for him for a while! And then scared when he went off on me about fat chicks. Like I get that you're upset, but maybe slow down a bit, especially when you're talking to someone who shouldn't need to hear all that. That careless comment just threw me for a loop in the moment.

womandatory · 2023-04-02T23:23:49+00:00

The vast majority of people in the world who want a relationship will have one eventually. Most of the guys in this sub are young. Believing you’ll be single forever is a great self-fulfilling philosophy. One RP basic tenet is to have an abundance mindset. That’s actually good advice. Not to expect lots of casual sex, but negative self thought feeds into anger and resentment, and women can see that literally simmering around a man, like an aura.

There a guy I was at school with, he’s in his 50s now, who was pretty much single all through until his mid 40s. He went on dates occasionally, but didn’t do well. He’s autistic and an engineer - lovely man, just awkward as hell. Tall, earned good money, owned his home etc. Just no luck with the ladies. We had a couple of similar hobbies, so occasionally would do things together. I thought he might be keen on me, so I made it clear I was not.

He later told me that talking with me about lots of different things made him realise if he wanted to be in a relationship, he’d have to make some changes. He listened to me talking about the stuff I hated in men I had dated. He cleared out a lot of what I considered ‘junk’ from his house. Lots of gaming collectibles, hundreds of fan t-shirts, he digitised his music collections and sold off the valuables. He took down the girlie posters and calendars, and spent time cleaning up and renovating his home (got rid of nasty old carpets and curtains, fixed up the garden beds, painted etc, just basically did all the stuff he had the skills to do, and he did that instead of gaming for hours or writing fan fiction, which is how he’d spent his time before.

He met a lovely woman when he was 46 at a hardware store DIY night for replacing a toilet. They’ve been together almost ten years now.

I am almost 50, and have friends up into their 70s. I do not know any single person, male or female, who wants to be in a relationship who can’t find dates. Not one. I have a few single female friends in their 20s, 40s and 50s who are struggling to find a long term partner, but never have a shortage of dates for options. I do not know any men who are single and wish not to be.

So sure, I feel sorry for men who make the effort and don’t get the outcome they are looking for, but most will, even if it takes some time.

Magnito-was-right · 2023-04-03T01:48:06+00:00

I feel bad for men that are lonely and want a relationship. Guys that just want sex should just see sex workers if they can’t get sex based on their looks and personality.

PeopleAreLegitDemons · 2023-04-03T02:00:47+00:00

like 1 male in 17 reproduced according to our genetic lineage, this is hard fact, the only outliers are places like East Asia

in maybe the last 200-300 years mate pairing maybe went down to like 1 male out of 2, but even then it can't undo biology, society is fake and annoying anyways and this is basically the only real consistent

this isn't some "pill," this is just shit even a child can see

also youse talking about "empathy" but ive seen so many times girls go out of their way to have loud sex or PDA in front of dudes getting none, im legit surprised there aren't MORE social issues from this since u gotta be ice cold to survive it

Deranged_Loner · 2023-04-02T20:13:44+00:00

The empathy means nothing. A guy struggling with sex/relationships will struggle with or without it. Trying to get that empathy is a waste of time and effort.

Flashy-Country-800 · 2023-04-02T21:48:52+00:00

I imagine women feel like not having sex with them.

FrumpyHoneyBadger · 2023-04-02T22:27:40+00:00

Your friends have mastered being friendly to dudes. That’s why you’re confused. “He seems so friendly.” Because he is - to you as a guy.

Far_Albatross_Far · 2023-04-02T18:40:26+00:00

They find it humorous.

Yupperdoodledoo · 2023-04-02T20:31:21+00:00

I don’t know any IRL but I know it exists and primarily I think for men on the spectrum, because -at least where I live - anyone with halfway decent social skills who "likes" people is able to find a partner. Anyway, I know those men exist and I feel the same way for them that I feel for any disadvantaged person. I see a lot of people suffering and struggling everyday. Guys not getting laid are far less of a concern for me than the homeless, people without access to healthcare, women in abusive relationships, victims of racism…. etc. Life isn’t fair.

AtCloseRange94 · 2023-04-02T18:38:28+00:00

[permanently deleted]

UnapologeticFoodSnob · 2023-04-02T19:21:33+00:00

I can't really make any assessment without knowing the individual person quite well.

Nate_Reborn · 2023-04-02T22:13:32+00:00

Unfortunately, as much as this sucks, this is only one layer. None of this really tells us about how they’re interacting with women as far as flirting, asking them out, etc.

meangingersnap · 2023-04-02T23:04:34+00:00

I don’t see how a caring empathetic person wouldn’t feel bad for them? Caveat being that I’m not going to feel bad if they’re a hateful misogynist, I don’t know what portion of incels are that though, not saying they all are

DumpApe135 · 2023-04-02T23:20:42+00:00

Fuck them dude, if you can't get what you want either try harder or give up no one cares about the whining of losers.

HazyMemory7 · 2023-04-02T23:53:55+00:00

They likely don't care or think about it? Everyone is just focused on themselves and their inner circle, and life isn't fair. I spend very little if any time thinking about forever alone women.

neetykeeno · 2023-04-03T00:03:34+00:00

I feel that at least they get to be better people for their own sake. Everyone gotta live with themself right? Better to be healthy and successful if you're all you've got.

Anyhow. Not everyone gets what they want. Being a person currently having a relationship doesn't necessarily means you get what you want. That's part of human existence.

Bekiala · 2023-04-03T01:02:05+00:00

Mostly I don't think about other people's sex lives. It doesn't seem appropriate.

For men (or women) who want partners and can't find them, I feel badly but it probably doesn't top the list of human suffering that I fret about.

statsfodder · 2023-04-03T05:10:43+00:00

They legitimately don't care, nor should they....

The same way men should just tell the "where have all the good men gone" women to shut up... we don't care that you can't find a man.

RedPill_Dragon · 2023-04-03T12:14:29+00:00

Women don’t care about this, just like Passport Bros don’t care if Western Women can’t find a partner

Squash-Glum · 2023-04-03T13:55:16+00:00

I can empathize and even sympathize with anyone who is putting in work both externally and internally to better themselves and wants a relationship but hasn't found one yet. But the problem with this is that you should be doing all of these things for you and your happiness.

It's crazy to me that guys on here think sex is the end all be all. Like you are going to get casual sex and BOOM all of life's problems are resolved. You have made this your whole life, you are on the internet crying about not being attractive enough to get laid.

These guys here feel so entitled to getting laid, but women and men who are saying they are equally unattractive but successful with women will time and time again jump on here and give advice and be open to discussion and sharing their experiences, but they go to "it's because I'm not 6ft" "it's because I'm bald" "oh I'm not a Chad" "I'm not rich."

It's so frustrating that they can't see that they are in their own way. They allow their sexual frustration to become their whole personality and make them angry assholes who like even said on here either do nothing when they see negativity/violence towards women or outright encourage it.

If these men focus more on gaining/honing social skills, striving for emotional maturity, and realizing that a woman's worth/value does not lie in her vagina they would see a lot more success when it came to dating.

The beauty standards in society have predominantly been set by men.

Men on here bitch about not being able to get a women but shit on heavy women or women THEY deem undesirable, all while crying that it's not fair that women can deem them undesirable. In what fucking world are you twisting your brain around that ass backward logic.

You know why some women have a preference for taller men, because forever we have heard how men like petite women who are smaller than them so that they can feel more like the macho protector man.

Balding was made an issue by men who realized they could breed an insecurity that they could then profit off by advertising fixes.

Men are the ones always competing with each other when it comes to money, and have put themselves into the role of provider! You have been telling women forever that that's what you bring to the table, and now you're mad because that's what some women are still looking for?

Being physically fit is another thing more men harp on each other about, women have been drooling over dad-bods for quite a while.

It's been largely women leading the body positivity changes we are seeing. Women advocating for every type of body shape, size, looks. Preaching that everyone deserves to be loved and respected no matter how they look and it's always men bitching about it. It's really easy to show just go find all the threads/post/blogs whatever you can where women are just shitting on men for being bald, short, fat, broke whatever.... Then go look for the same but men devaluing/shitting on women for being fat, a single mom, ugly, wearing too much make up, being too old to have standards because their biological clock is ticking. The latter will have way more I promise.

And if men think they have it rough appearance wise they would die as women. You are expected to be thin, be short, have boobs, a nice butt, nice lips, long hair, long lashes, do your eyebrows, show skin but not too much skin, wear makeup but not a lot, wear clothes/shoes for appeal not comfort or functionality, everything down to our underwear/bras designed to be appealing for men, none of the things for us are really for us, it's all to please men.

Men have always benefited from the relationship/marriage. Women's roles have traditionally been to cook, clean, bare/raise kids, run everyone's schedules, plan events, take care of sick family members, make sure her partner is sexually satisfied and men's roles have been to work.

Women have been expected to cater to men forever and now men want them to do all that and help financially. Women are looking for 50/50 now, they are expecting more from a partner because they can be content without one, I don't know that the majority of men can say the same.

How do straight men not see that women, lesbians, bi-sexuals, and even gay men are not on here bitching about a lack of sex or connections with partners and realize it's them that are the problem.

There are shit women nobody is denying that but you guys on these threads make it out like all women are just horrible sluts who dangle sex above your head just out of reach unless they can use you and that's bullshit. You are undesirable because of who you are as a person way more then what you look like or what you have to offer.

And to the few guys on here that have said that they are making improvements and honestly trying, I'm so sorry that shitty men and shallow women have made things harder for you but unfortunately that's what has happened.

If you are making improvements in your life that's awesome and while it may not have landed you the girl yet it will and all of the things mentioned like finding hobbies, landing a good job, making friends/getting out more, being mindful of personal hygiene and trying to dress good (although I don't think dressing better is really all that important: jeans and tshirts are always fine) that's great and work should be being done internally too, and honestly are things that will bring you more joy and fulfillment out of life in general not just with women.

Social media has wrecked dating in a lot of ways but it can also be great.

Tinder and other dating apps are fine to have but I wouldn't rely on them, they are predominantly looks based, it's really hard to capture who you are in a shitty paragraph and answering a few dumb generic questions.

If you can put yourself out there get on places like tic toc, there might be a lot of dumb shit on there but there's some good stuff too. I have seen plenty of people down on their luck with dating who have asked for advice on things they can do with their appearance or advice on how to approach/meet new people and a lot of people are really nice and give great advice. Ive also seen a lot of people hit on others from their videos even though they were not "conventionally attractive" people. Everyone has different preferences and you will not be for everyone but the more you put yourself out there the more success you will have.

I'd largely discourage just going up to and hitting on random women. Like I said a lot of shit men have left women weary and with their guard up, so when random guys come up even with the best intentions they are normally turned away. Making friends and going out with them is a really good way to form natural organic friendships that can lead to relationships without the pressure of having to pursue a girl.

It's not instant life changing advice but it's what I've got, and I hope your luck turns around.

To all the crazy men on here I hope you start to read the shit women post to understand. If you get over your frustration and realize that everyone deals with shit, everyone has felt lonely, most people can sympathize with wanting to be with someone but being overlooked, then you could have better interactions and actually get somewhere with the opposite sex.

New_Hat8820 · 2023-04-02T21:02:47+00:00

Women don’t give a fuck lol. If they did then they would lower their standards. But even at that, women will say if a guy can’t attract a western woman on his level, then it’s his fault

Common_Passenger_335 · 2023-04-02T21:06:58+00:00

I'm very empathetic if they are genuinely looking for a committed relationship, but if they think they are entitled to casual sex then I don't feel bad for them at all.

deborah_sampson_ · 2023-04-02T21:26:59+00:00

I want to hug them. And this is going to sound really weird and probably stupid, but I'd probably ask them if they wanted to be friends with me. I think many guys like this just have some kind of issue making a connection with women, and it's probably nothing but a lack of experience. I'd be totally willing to be some guy's practice female friend and maybe help them get more comfortable talking to us, letting him learn a little bit about how we discourse. Those are the two things that came to mind.

Since I had a (very, very brief) fling as a skater when I was 12, the majority of my friends have always been men, and I think they're fucking awesome to hang out with. I love how my guy friends and I can just sit there and he can watch TV and I can be reading or whatever it is we're doing. But we can just chill in a companionable silence, not saying a word for 30 minutes (except maybe "you want more coffee?" when one of us gets up) and he doesn't ask me why I'm being so quiet or worry I'm mad or feel pressured to speak. I also love sitting around and just making fun of shit with men. This comes from my previous career as a line cook/chef; that's pretty much all I did 10-12 hours a day. And men will open up to me in ways that they won't to their male friends, and it's fucking beautiful. Men are beautiful - or, they can be. I married a man just like the one I described above, and he is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. And he's a fucking amazing man.

I miss men and I want them back from this manosphere bullshittery.

CimZim · 2023-04-02T19:11:11+00:00

I feel extremely empathetic towards them.

anon018274031 · 2023-04-02T20:28:58+00:00

I’ve personally never met any.

All men I’ve known that REALLY can’t get anything have an identifiable reason for that being the case.

Tbh I don’t believe they exist. There is always an explanation as to why something happens, there will be an explanation as to why the person you are thinking of is single.

Longspkdiamond · 2023-04-02T22:18:15+00:00

I honestly lack respect for me who are just trying to "get laid", whether they find success or not I don't think it's an improvement. I think it's disrespectful of women, love, relationships, and themselves.

medlabunicorn · 2023-04-03T00:43:31+00:00

We feel weird that ‘getting laid’ is a goal when anyone can do it by themselves, usually better.

Existing-Sign4804 · 2023-04-02T18:27:05+00:00

I shake my head. Because all the improving yourself won’t help a damn thing if you are still chasing women for casual sex. A very small percentage of women are interested in casual sex. Most want relationships. You guys have to offer what women want, which IS NOT another dude who just wants to get laid. 🤦‍♀️

Big_Al56 · 2023-04-02T18:48:57+00:00

I can empathize but not sympathize. I’m very much in this position, chasing a fleeting feeling that I’ve gotten from a few really incredible girls over the years.

This hypothetical person, much like me, needs to lower their standards to match what they have to offer. I wont, because I’m stubborn, so I can empathize with the frustration, but the solution is to play the hand you’re dealt the best you can. Not everyone is dealt two aces in life.

nastyfella · 2023-04-02T19:51:54+00:00

I feel bad. Awkwardness is the hardest thing to work on but it’s probably the most important

Bunny_and_chickens · 2023-04-02T23:36:55+00:00

It sucks for them but it's not a real problem

MistyMaisel · 2023-04-03T01:34:51+00:00

I've never really met a person who it wasn't really obvious to me why they couldn't find someone and what they'd have to do to fix it and seen them be unwilling to fix it. And I can't feel bad for that person.

I suppose if such a person did exist that it was obvious they'd really done everything and still hadn't yet found the person, I'd naturally assume that they just hadn't met them yet and I can't really feel bad for someone who just hasn't had their love story yet.

And honestly, even if there is no someone out there, I dunno, life is such a magnificent place that I'd find it pretty difficult to feel quite bad for them about it. It just really isn't the worst problem by any stretch being chronically single.

At most I could maybe feel lightly and fleetingly bad for them if they're being upset about it in front of me. But I'm quite a weak touch to that sort of thing.

ChadChasingB · 2023-04-02T19:03:47+00:00

I would tell them to see a sex worker.

Ok-Application-7614 · 2023-04-02T21:07:58+00:00

Having an education, a career, social life, friends, going to the gym, dressing nice, improving there appearance, not openly complaining about not getting laid irl or on social media yet it doesn’t change anything for them.

Sounds like a man who lacks verbal seduction skills. Those qualities might cause a woman to have nice opinion of you, but it doesn't automatically mean she'll want to fuck you.

DoinIt989 · 2023-04-02T23:32:32+00:00

The fact is that self-improvement is about improving yourself. It's not about getting women. Guys like Myron who think "aha I have checked all the boxes in fitness, money, style, and attitude, therefore I must get the sex" are exactly the same as the "Nice" guys we mock.

Some of the biggest playboys in the world, if not most, are broke as a joke, never had a job or relationship for more than 6 months, addicted to drugs and/or alcohol, have serious emotional issues. They get women because they look good enough, and enjoy talking to and seducing women. They like sex with women, many are even sex addicts. They don't just view sex as "something men need and women trade for resources". Their attitude is "these hoes need this dick and I need to give it to 'em"

The man in this clip is 5'7" tall. He got famous for being a trashier version of Kevin Samuels on daytime TV, literally insulting women to their faces on a live program. He openly talks about being a drug addict, fuckup, He's had sex with hundreds of women

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hI2vSo43ILs

A lot of these guys are kinda misogynistic and "real talk", but the difference is it comes from a place of "war stories", not packaging bitter nonsense for an audience.

energeticallyyours · 2023-04-02T22:27:14+00:00

We dont really care if you cant get laid.

flosterjenkins · 2023-04-03T03:45:23+00:00

I don't think a lot of men who struggle are that type of person though -- there is a lot of rage, misogyny, bitterness, lack of interest in self improvement and socializing, attitude issues, that causes them to be in that situation.

But for the guys who do struggle and are genuinely well meaning good people, of course most people have sympathy for him. It's just that we don't have to power to change anything

Sophiatab · 2023-04-02T19:55:34+00:00

Well, as I believe many people would be better off postponing sex until they are married, the fact that those guys can't get laid is something for which I am in favor. If a guy like you have described asked for me for advice (and this has happened very rarely) I would tell him to masturbate to avoid sexual frustration until he is ready for marriage. And only enter into marriage when he was fully prepared to commit to the marriage.

JonMyMon · 2023-04-02T19:06:19+00:00

You should have empathy. For everyone. Even people who do horrible things.

RatchedAngle · 2023-04-02T19:46:59+00:00

If you can’t get laid then that’s a green flag in my eyes. It means you’re probably a good guy.

The men women like to casually sleep with are generally not very good men. When I see a guy sleeping with a lot of different women, that’s a good sign to me that something’s off about him.

Virgins are husband material.

skon7 · 2023-04-02T23:56:55+00:00

I feel bad for those men and often times thought of starting a business to help them. No joke. I felt this way before the red pill even went mainstream.

I am a woman by the way. It’s just oftentimes it feels like women are expected to sleep with these men not out of pity necessarily but because they feel many women are overlooking good men. But I refuse to date or sleep with anyone I’m not attracted to.

BigVulvaEnergy · 2023-04-02T19:24:03+00:00

That they are still creating their own obstacles.

penguintransformer · 2023-04-02T19:00:51+00:00

Maybe try to go to a match maker? I'm convinced there is someone out there for everybody. The problem is some people think they're too good for their true soul mate.

StraightBoiCockLover · 2023-04-02T19:42:17+00:00

You should send some of your friends/co-workers my way if they’re interested😍😝

inkiwitch · 2023-04-02T21:47:56+00:00

Everyone deserves love. But not everyone deserves romantic love unfortunately.

There is no species in nature where every male gets paired with a female. Humans are no different. I feel media does a huge disservice to us when we’re young by reinforcing the idea that there’s someone for everyone and eventually we all find love. Sitcoms regularly feature their main characters easily dating and finding attractive partners, even when they’re implied to be bad with women like George Kostanza or Chandler Bing.

The truth is no one wants to watch a show about a lonely guy who keeps striking out over and over and never gets his happy ending, even though this is the reality for millions of people.

Women have recently been romanticizing the idea of being single so maybe men could try to find their own version of that? Idk how though, I’m a woman and I despise being single but I’m thankfully never lacking any options for dates.

gymbronyc718 · 2023-04-03T00:03:30+00:00

See, none of their "self improvement" tackles the real problem. Their fear. Their fear of going out and getting a girl for themselves. All the self improvement in the world will not help you overcome the real issue because it's just skirting around the issue. It's like your car engine blowing up and all you are concerned is whether the interior is clean and the paint isn't chipped. You are avoiding the real problem by dancing around it.

AutoModerator · 2023-04-02T18:16:43+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

resultsmatter1 · 2023-04-03T06:00:18+00:00

They don’t give a shit. Nobody cares about the journey it’s about the destination

BioNipple · 2023-04-03T08:07:15+00:00

Just tell them to move to Sweden.

SnooChipmunks3163 · 2023-04-03T09:28:13+00:00

I would say that he should stop focusing on getting laid. And if he had enough time to think about sex he is not busy enough. Just get over it. Men and women put too much importance in sex. I said this as a women who didn’t had any sexual encounter until my marriage. I was too busy. He will do fine, just keeps on improving himself until he attracts women automatically.

321gumby · 2023-04-03T10:41:21+00:00

Women don't want projects. They want finished goods.

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-04-03T10:45:48+00:00

What about his personality? I’d he funny, kind, compassionate, smart, etc.?

The things on your list are superficial - what about who he is as a person?

If he approaching women? How is he doing it? What’s been the response?

MortalWombat83 · 2023-04-03T11:39:14+00:00

I am that guy..dress smart when not in work, trying to expand my social circle..have a fantastic body as I hit the gym regularly. I'm short and ugly though..I also lack the skills required to obtain a well paid job. It is what it is. A turtle cant become a shark no matter how hard it tries. But it can be the best turtle it can be I guess.Every time I feel like throwing a petty party I remind myself how blessed I am. I have food in my stomach. A roof over my head. A lovely family and liberty. Meanswile there are millions who have it harder than be in every measurable way but still they grind and find purpose a reason to keep fighting. I have no right to bitch..my life is easy.

Hoe-la-la · 2023-04-03T14:11:12+00:00

I genuinely feel sorry for them and wish they can find the love and intimacy they need. Lack of relationship, lack of sex and even lack of human touch really takes a toll on someone. I'm a former ugly kid, on the spectrum, and date women as well, so I know how ruthless modern/online dating can be. Especially if you're someone who has difficulties with the texting banter required to be successful on dating apps. HOWEVER, for some men -not all- but a vocal minority, empathy for their situation has to translate into a pity fuck, and that's where my compassion reaches its limits.

badgersonice · 2023-04-03T14:28:53+00:00

Genuine sympathy if the thing they’re looking for is intimacy and connection. It’s entirely possible in life to do everything “right” and not succeed— that is how life works. It’s not fair. Not everyone finds a good partner, but some can’t find a tolerable partner at all— and it’s not always their own fault.

I’m not sympathetic when the complaint is that they can’t find casual sex partners to fuck and throw away— if that’s your goal, you’re shooting for something that’s pretty uncommon anyways. Most women aren’t fucking lots of randos either, and especially not the pretty young thin women you actually want. And since I don’t think casual sex is generally a good thing, I’m not gonna be sad you didn’t get some. It’s like complaining to me that you can’t afford to eat foie gras on the reg or something… Yeah, whatever, boo hoo, I don’t care.

thelofidragon · 2023-04-03T14:43:59+00:00

Sounds like your friends have no rizz.

Preact5 · 2023-04-03T15:56:36+00:00

I'm the guy you're describing.

I have a complex over not being good enough for someone and it just keeps getting worse. Nothing I've tried so far has had any effect.

Although, getting out of my house a bit more to go out on the town has helped me not be so lonely.

I've just stopped expecting to be loved at any point. If I want love it has to come from myself and I don't think I'm capable of that.

SlothMonster9 · 2023-04-03T17:39:17+00:00

I am taken but have always had a soft spot for very kind, genuine, hard working and shy or awkward men. So what i would feel about them is that they're my type. I'm sure i'm not the only one. Note: a zero creep vibe is crucial here.

LupeDyCazari · 2023-04-03T18:21:50+00:00

Hmm, I'm not a woman but I've shown this thread to my sisters and to my female cousins and they say that if a guy does all that and still can't get laid - he's either going for women who are a lot younger/a lot more physically attractive than the guy, or the guy seriously needs to consult with a plastic surgeon and see what can be done about his face.

Both my sisters and I have travelled the world and we've seen a ton of dudes who weren't muscular nor 6'6'' and that didn't keep them from getting laid, even with attractive women, yes.

So there must be something deeply wrong with the guy who can't get laid despite going to the gym, dressing nicely, have a career, a college education, friends etc etc.

Title	How do women honestly feel about guys that are genuinely going about improving themselves but still can’t get laid?
Author	AtCloseRange94
Upvotes	136
Comments	491
Date	April 2, 2023 6:16 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/129ta3h/how_do_women_honestly_feel_about_guys_that_are/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-do-women-honestly-feel-about-guys-that-are.1207087 https://theredarchive.com/post/1207087

Comments