If men don't want to date women over 30 because they're jaded, bitter and have trouble pair bonding, wouldn't the same thing apply to men over 30?

ComfortableJeans · 2025-03-04T13:37:08+00:00

I don't avoid partners my own age, I actually won't really go significantly below my own age. I've predominantly dated a year or two older than myself.

But at 30 years old, I am a hell of a lot more jaded than I was at even my mid 20s.

I don't know if that's the case for most men, but I know it's my case, and I know it's the case for a lot of men I've grown up with.

I'm jaded, I have baggage, I'm far less trusting and so on. Life just isn't kind, it's hard. And it's painful more often than it's not, and eventually you have to learn to adapt to that.

I couldn't say as to whether it's the same for women, generally, but I suspect it's more of a human thing than a gendered thing.

Zabadoodude · 2025-03-04T15:22:59+00:00

Maybe. But that's for women to decide, and most prefer men their age and older.

GYN-k4H-Q3z-75B · 2025-03-04T12:55:48+00:00

It's different. Men are already jaded, bitter, and have trouble bonding at 20.

Main_Aside_3072 · 2025-03-04T18:26:11+00:00

Like the other comment said, men learn how difficult/lonely life is in their teens/mid-20s depending if they're unattractive/poor/physical or mentally impaired, we already had time to process it (and they ones that couldn't are no longer alive, that's why suicide rates are higher in men).

Also women tend to develop higher levels of anxiety and depression, again because the men who developed that are not longer alive. It's a type of "survivorship bias"

Also, dating experience is vastly different from men and women. Basically society tells women "men are the problem, not you" while it teaches men "YOU ARE the problem, not women", with age it comes a realization that is different from women's, a sense of accountability.

RahLyt · 2025-03-04T15:43:50+00:00

What are you asking? If men can get jaded? Of course?!

Why would hetero men apply a standard for themselves? How does this make any sense???

SupportRoutine4084 · 2025-03-05T16:25:49+00:00

I could DEFINITELY bond with a cute 18 year old

Odd_Book_9024 · 2025-03-04T14:33:52+00:00

I never understand these questions. If the same standard isn’t applied to men it’s because women aren’t applying it.

I don’t date men, I don’t date myself. Ask women.

“Why aren’t men treated the same way when it comes to their pasts” ask women!!!

Desperate_Coat_5244 · 2025-03-04T15:25:50+00:00

Baggage is never the issue in itself, it’s the lack of self-reflection, motivation and capacity to deal with the baggage and not let it control you or dictate your behaviour.

Most of us go through hard times in our lives, it’s human to make mistakes and be unfortunate in this chaotic world. IMO a person who can go “This shitty thing happened, it affects how I do this other thing, and I need to X and Y so that the shitty thing doesn’t weigh on me anymore” will make a much better partner than someone who never experienced any hardships in their life. Because random shitty things can happen any time, and I’d much rather encounter them with someone who demonstrates the capacity to get over them.

I don’t have time for jaded, bitter and cynical people, life is short and wonderful and I want to enjoy it.

dannydawiz · 2025-03-06T04:50:59+00:00

Yeah to be honest I agree with you. I am more jaded as a man entering his late 20s than I was as a man in my early 20s. I’ve been treated horribly by every woman I fell in love with and I don’t think I can ever really trust a woman. However I don’t think that makes me less desirable.

I had a girl friend once tell me that men don’t fully form until they are 30 meanwhile women are ready in their early 20s. I don’t really know what she meant by that but I would guess it has to do with society valuing men for what they achieve and valuing women for their beauty. I only feel like I’m getting my shit together now that im 27. I make a decent salary and am successful with my career and only now do I really feel like I am getting attention from women.

mrcs84usn · 2025-03-04T13:08:07+00:00

A lot of times it DOES apply to men as well. There is a bit of a trade-off however, because older men in their 30s & 40s generally are solidified in their careers, so they can provide the lifestyles that women want to live.

WanabeInflatable · 2025-03-04T12:56:15+00:00

I think, this applies. I'm a lil bit over 40, married and if I divorce, I'm not going back to dating. Being alone is so much better. And this ia directly affected by my experience. When I was young I was much more optimistic and even naive.

Cultural-Ad-8486 · 2025-03-04T13:54:05+00:00

Yes, older men can be just as jaded with baggage.

But it's a matter of degree. I seriously believe that women have more sexual and romantic experience on average than men. And that's where it all comes from:

Can a 30 year old man be jaded? Yes!

But will a 30 year old woman be more jaded because of the significantly greater opportunities in her youth? Yes!

Jello_Vivid · 2025-03-04T21:09:36+00:00

You are thinking that men and women value the same things when it comes to dating but this isn't true. Women tend to value the lifestyle a man can bring which usually takes time for a man to build that's why usually slightly older men do better with women than younger men.

For men they tend to value beauty and for women that diminishes as they age so usually women will have less options as they get older and this is the opposite with men as they become more attractive with age to women up to a certain point.

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-03-05T08:05:31+00:00

"Don't want" is differnt from "will not". Just as women have height or income preferences, they are not going to get them for the overwhelming majority of cases. It's easy to say, that a man doesn't want to date a woman >30 when he is 25 himself. But when he is 40 and newly single, the question of dating >30 or being single forever will likely result in dating >30.

We really need to stop treating preferences as how people behave. Especially the men here always point to "revealed preferences" compared to "state preferences", "don't look at what they say, look at what they do". ESPECIALLY, when there is an agenda at play, for why a certain preference is stated. In this case: date the average guy while you are hot, because we will not date you when you are "used up" and we are second choice for stability.

It's so obvious and pathetic and powerless.

And yes, men over 30, on average, are just as jaded and bitter, with baggage, than women.

ThatGuyFromThisPlace · 2025-03-04T13:22:49+00:00

I think it does apply to men to a degree as well. There is definitely more baggage for anybody who's dated for a while.

Personally, At almost 40, I think I've become easier to date over time. I reflect more, I am more honest to myself but also to a partner, and I can understand a partner better. I also became much better at communicating. Now, is that a universal thing, or did this just happen to me? I have no idea. I think to a degree, it probably holds true for most men.

Now, I do think this is true for the women I date as well. Yes, there's more baggage, but the added maturity and self reflection offsets that easily. I liked my dating life in my 30s much better than the one in my 20s.

DumbWordsmith · 2025-03-04T14:06:39+00:00

For sure. I definitely can't love a woman like I loved in my 20s. I can never build anything from scratch with them, and I definitely can't trust them wholeheartedly. On top of that, a lot of them have kids and/or are still in touch with exes (and we all know young women tend to have excellent tastes in men). For me, serious relationships just get more and more unappealing over time.

The same standards don't apply because a lot of women (not all) love money and status more than anything, and they can double their income and secure a retirement with a man. They want what their friends have, and a lot of their friends at that age have husbands and more than twice as much disposable cash.

abaxeron · 2025-03-04T14:08:29+00:00

We don't know, we (straight men) don't date men. From our general impression, women don't need an excuse to reject a man, because they usually already have one. No matter if he's older, younger, over 30, under 30, poor, rich, experienced, inexperienced, naive, enthusiastic, jaded, whatever.

Akitten · 2025-03-04T16:09:22+00:00

I have no problem with that argument, it's probably reasonably accurate.

But frankly, women seem to prefer older men, and refuse to date younger ones. Especially young women. So clearly they don't hold the same belief.

_here_ok · 2025-03-04T18:11:00+00:00

I think it's because men don't put their value on those things, I have always valued these things and so doubt I'll find find a relationship until my 30s.

The forced stoicism means men are less likely to be empathetic to a woman's problems and be insulted or disgusted when she expresses concerns because he won't.

They also value themselves sexually differently. The disgusting master key vs keyhole analogy that some will use to justify male body counts vs female body counts is an example of such.

flyingpilgrim · 2025-03-04T20:36:04+00:00

It's kind of true and a lot of data suggests there's truth to it, but most divorces and breakups are initiated by the woman, and usually a man in his 30's has more confidence, assets, IE, things that most women find attractive compared to a man younger than him. So there's trade offs, generally speaking.

DGenerationMC · 2025-03-04T21:53:35+00:00

Or.........now hear me out

Dating any person jaded, bitter and who has trouble bonding is to be avoided no matter the age or gender of either person involved.

Did I just blow your mind with that, OP?

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2025-03-04T22:51:32+00:00

Average men tend to have less of that baggage simply because they have much lesser amounts of past relationships.

Haej07 · 2025-03-05T04:56:36+00:00

As somebody approaching their later 20s, the answer is no. The reality is whether I want them or not there will always be a segment of women that want to rely on a man and the older I get the better of a position I am in to do that. As a man I am free or restricted whichever one from the fantasy ideal or desire that somebody is going to ‘rescue me’ or simply step into my life and do infinitely more things to better it and improve it just because I exist and it’d be cool. Ultimately men and women want different things and the things women tend to want are easier for older men to acquire

ExcelsiorState718 · 2025-03-06T11:59:13+00:00

Most men don't have nearly as much experience by 30 as women do. The average 30 year old woman has seen it all and done it all tge average 30 year old guy hasn't even had a date

Men get jaded as they get older but it's not because of their personal relationship experiences it's because of what they see happening around them repeatedly.

The other is as men get older they become less interested in romantic relationships not because they're jaded but be abuse they mature just like they don't get up on Saturday morning to watch cartoons and eat cereal they be one less interested in romance and more grounded in reality

modidlee · 2025-03-04T15:04:16+00:00

Because as long as a man can attract women he won’t be as bitter as the man that can’t even attract women. And when it comes to women, the woman that can attract men for sex but never for a relationship are seriously bitter. Because women in general don’t enjoy sex for the sake of sex the way men do. They feel it should lead to something more.

RealityCold4693 · 2025-03-04T14:19:29+00:00

Well, you look at women complaints about the men over 30 years. They’re not really looking for nothing serious but that’s because those men have spent so many years building their self. They can just join yourself until they find a woman they really like.

Spirited_Cod260 · 2025-03-05T16:53:42+00:00

30+ year old men are more likely to be able to fall madly in love than are 30+ year old women.

El_Hombre_Fiero · 2025-03-05T17:26:05+00:00

Not really. Men and women do not have the same kinds of romantic/sexual upbringing.

To elaborate, post-puberty, women have everything they would need to be a suitable long-term romantic partner to a man. Conversely, it takes time and effort for a man to be considered a suitable long-term partner. So at 30, a woman would have already passed up multiple opportunities for love/LTRs. Whereas most men would be lucky to have had 25% of the amount of relationships/sexual partners that women his age have had.

anonymousppd123123 · 2025-03-04T13:53:24+00:00

it does, but women are stupid and make bad decisions like picking men who can take it or leave it and do better

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-03-04T14:12:53+00:00

The men that say they won’t date women over 30 aren’t getting women their own age to want them now, but somehow think when they are older they’ll be special and the young women will want them. But it’s not cause they might have money: no! That would be beta bux! It’s cause they “learned” how to hold a frame and spin a plate by….. watching podcasts on YouTube? (Maybe rumble now)

bison5595 · 2025-03-04T22:02:52+00:00

Why are you asking men? That’s up to women to decide.

jplpss · 2025-03-06T00:54:16+00:00

Yes.

I hope I helped you.

EdLeedskalnin · 2025-03-04T15:44:02+00:00

The same doesn't apply because men are entering their marketplace prime in their 30s and into their 40s

Woman are moving out of their marketplace prime by mid 30s

This is just the reality of dating and starting a family etc, therefore you will find more bitter and jaded women realizing they may not be able to find the partner they really want, and men have more options.

Eastoss · 2025-03-04T14:25:46+00:00

No since women don't want to date men under 30 because men are immature and need more time. From women's and gay men's mouth.

I'm not agreeing with any of this but if you're puzzled at the existence of a sexism without an equivalent maybe you've not searched the equivalent at the right place.

growframe · 2025-03-04T17:55:13+00:00

Most men don't want to date men, regardless of their age.

DiligentRope · 2025-03-04T13:00:25+00:00

So why doesn't the same standard apply to men?

Men and women are different, innit?

The_Forgotten001 · 2025-03-05T18:52:06+00:00

That's a false equivocate, Women Date 10-100x more than any man can. The Men have to be affable and agreeable to get a date. A woman does not....

It's also another thing to go on a date and have your date compare you to her past dates instead of just enjoying the moment, and I don't know about you but It seems women only get more masculine with age.

SillyMushroomTip · 2025-03-04T16:32:52+00:00

At the end of the day, it all comes down to body count and emotional baggage. A jaded man in his 30s, even if he hasnt had alot of dating opportunities, still has the capacity to fall in love.

Women in their 30s who are jaded, however, are a different story. They've been through countless men, had guys finish inside them, and had their hearts broken over and over. Every heartbreak chips away at their ability to pair bond. The more times someone’s been through it, the more dead inside they become.

Efficient-Baker1694 · 2025-03-04T16:17:06+00:00

Men defiantly can be jaded but it is possible that their jadedness is very different from a woman’s jadedness though.

GH0STRIDER579 · 2025-03-05T02:27:05+00:00

Yes. It applies to men and women both.

blueeyeddevill75 · 2025-03-07T11:12:03+00:00

pair bonding is extremely important for me, i think women in general are not that serious in relationships which is why they have many of, but men just want one partner only

Guilty-Marzipan1058 · 2025-03-07T22:14:35+00:00

I think there’s a fair point in the average man being jaded by 30, but it’s for the exact opposite reason. The average man under 30 is practically an incel, whereas women generally have the issue of being unable to find a man they are satisfied with. I would guess the average man has had much less heartbreak, but a lot more frustration and rejection. If a man was a player through his 20s, I think your point would stand a lot more than Joe Schmoe.

Melodic_Structure928 · 2025-03-09T09:49:22+00:00

Well,

1.there’s more single and sexless men then women, to even collect said high body count for women are less likely to encounter this then the other way around

and

since women are so much picker then men on average the men who are 30 and have very high body counts are pretty much exclusively the chads and/or the rich, which usually trumps all the negative aspects of having said high body count.

Commercial-Engineer3 · 2025-03-04T14:47:59+00:00

There's some truth to this. I'm currently 33 years old and I realized dating was bullshit around 27 or 28 and I haven't put any effort in since then. My 20s was full of naive hope.

AtomicMonkeyTheFirst · 2025-03-04T14:56:38+00:00

Thats not why men dont want women over 30.

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-03-04T16:45:03+00:00

Experience affects men differently. There are a plethora of reasons for this.

wtknight · 2025-03-04T16:58:14+00:00

More women break up with men because they are unsatisfied rather than the other way around, so I don’t think that jaded older men are as prevalent. But I suppose that some older men who repeatedly got cheated on could be jaded.

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2025-03-05T00:56:39+00:00

Men become more easy going and relaxed as we age, unlike women who are the exact opposite. That's why a lot of women want to date older men. We have money, and we generally treat everyone better because of our experience. Women on the other hand become more cynical as they age.

SituacijaJeSledeca · 2025-03-04T17:22:51+00:00

For me at 27 its simple, I simply find women under 27 more attractive, the lowest age I would date is like 20 or 21. That wont change no matter how old I get. I am not jaded because I usually get good treatment from women since I got a good face.

Ofc sometimes I might see some older woman be attractive but it isnt that often.

ArdimAtaraxia · 2025-03-04T21:11:09+00:00

I don't want to date women over 30 because you're old and ugly, and I don't want to pay for your botox and filler treatments.

Do I get an award for being the most honest guy in the thread?

Plazmatron44 · 2025-03-04T19:04:13+00:00

No because men evolved to be promiscuous without it negatively affecting their mental state, nearly every male animal tries to mate as much as possible. That isn't to say a man won't be affected by being hurt but overall men are better equipped to deal with having a high body count.

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James_M_Croft · 2025-03-05T16:05:07+00:00

As I see it, men do get more bitter and jaded as they age, it just dont affect their behavior or relationships as they regardless of pill, religion or personality already see women as just "parasites" and relationships as just "jobs" by the age of 20. The reason why even bluepills are baffled them if a woman is not a constant nuisance or hindrance is because they cant even imagine a woman being anything else but an annoyign sex dispenser. Yet these guys still do relationships anyway, and women are so deeply uncaring, that they dont even notice how low they are seem by their partners or how deeply they make mens lives worse. men are just more self controlled and tolerate the worst antics anyway. thats why (by trp) men can be loyal but women cannot. their behavior is not related to how they feel about you, just how horhy they themselves are.

OmoshiroiKudamono · 2025-03-04T22:25:23+00:00

You mean men won't "MARRY" them.

"Dating," yes, men will do that.

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2025-03-04T13:37:04+00:00

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