Men say they just want a normal, decent partner and resent women for wanting ‘perfect’; Women are terrified of being chosen merely for being decent and acceptable

There are a lot of comments arguing that men’s standards are more “realistic” than women’s. The claim is that men are happy with a normal, decent partner, while women are chasing a perfect one.

From a male perspective, this gets framed as reasonable and grounded. From a female perspective, it’s deeply unsettling.

Women are not afraid of men having standards. They are afraid of being chosen because the standards are low. Being picked because you’re “fine,” “good enough,” or “acceptable” doesn’t feel like love or commitment, it feels like being interchangeable.

Women want to be chosen by a man who has high standards and meets a woman who fits them. Not perfection in an abstract sense, but specificity: shared humor, compatible values, education/career, aligned goals, attraction to who she actually is. Being selected because you are exactly what someone wanted is fundamentally different from being selected because you clear a low bar.

I went on well over 100 dates before I met my husband. I didn’t choose him because he was merely decent; I chose him because he was exactly what I was looking for, not just in on paper qualities which he possesses but also—his humor, interests, character, goals, and idiosyncrasies and chemistry we had. My husband alson dated and slept with a ton of women before meeting me. He didn’t choose me because he was bored or sex-starved. He had exes who were extremely beautiful, smart, etc He married me because the I was the combination of a woman he wanted, "the best" woman for him, not because I happened to qualify.

Men often criticize how women date, but women date the way they want to be dated. They are searching for “the one,” and they want a man who believes they are the one too. On another thread I posted, men were lamenting that women wanting a partner, to have solid moral character, fun to be around, humorous, financially stable, etc was too long a list. What men don't understand is women want man who had a long list and believes the woman met them, it isn't flattering to women that you didn't care about her education, humor, goals, etc and dated her anyway, its dehumanizing

Ironically, the way many men date forces women to be even more selective. When men swipe right on everyone and are open to dating almost any woman, women have to screen harder to figure out whether they’re genuinely valued, or just filling a slot.