Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered July 23 2020

kikishepard · 2020-07-30T22:56:33+00:00

I had a lunch with a male friend today. We talked a little bit about dating, so I felt I should pass one of his anecdotes, as it was something I never considered.

We talked abt how hard it is for successful women to meet and date a successful man. He said most successful women were “dry as hell”. He added that most men only care about looks, personality, and the way you make them feel. Your looks got you the date and now the man’s hoping your personality matches.

Instead of showing off their personality, he says most successful women like to lead with their accomplishments, job, education etc. He said most men aren’t impressed and dont care about any of that (unless there’s an interesting story behind it). Those are things that women tend to care about when it comes to men. He said the only men who care about those things are users and players, because what you have now will eventually become his to use. I thought that was very interesting... just food for thought.

dzgata · 2020-07-30T21:46:11+00:00

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honeybeeroll · 2020-07-30T20:59:56+00:00

Has anyone ever had a guy say directly to them "I've picked up advice from PUA other manosphere stuff?" I've never had this, one of my friends experienced this in her early 20s so I always assume this a thing guys will say if young and stupid.

Anyway I bring it up bc what's with this men taking advice on how to date women from other men? Instead of women? I realized recently if a guy says any of this crap to you, you should proceed to look very confused, and clarify "so you talk about dating with men? You get dating advice from men? Oh, I get it, you talk about dating with men because you date other men. I didn't know you were bisexual, that's cool!"

If you wanna be petty and slam dunk his ass lol. Ghosting him is probably the best thing to do tho 😂

missamourcali · 2020-07-30T20:31:27+00:00

Does it mean something I'm not aware of if he puts #callherdaddy in his profile? I'm suspicious

NoThisIs-Patrick · 2020-07-30T20:04:14+00:00

Man, it sucks trying to date when you have semi-traditional values and aren't religious. The guys that aren't religious don't share the same ideals, and the guys that are religious are controlling weirdos and politically conservative in the worst way.

I grew up in suburbia and went to Catholic school my whole life. Now I'm this weird mix of Catholic values but don't believe in religion, and it sucks.

Hhjjuuy · 2020-07-30T19:33:58+00:00

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2020-07-30T19:33:03+00:00

Just need to vent. Ended it with a guy i dated for 4 months 3 days ago. I felt horrible the first day, kinda bad the second, and overall OK today. And now he's started sending messages begging for attention. Asking why i broke up in 5 minutes when we've dated for 4 months. I asked him so many times to commit and now he's treating it like a break up lmfao. When i asked why he wants to call me, the only reason he gives is that it was a quick break up and he wants to talk about it. He hurt me so bad, in retrospect i realize he negged me constantly and it feels so fucking good to see him squeal. I'm thinking about ghosting him completely, already blocked social media and whatsapp. Grateful to have found this subreddit with its community of awesome women.

puppermanagement · 2020-07-30T18:44:17+00:00

Hi ladies,

In light of all the nudes leaks recently, do you think it’s worth it to contact a blocked LVM ex to explicitly ask him to delete any pics he has of me (I know it’s pick me behavior to send nudes, but this was before I found FDS)? Or would that just make things worse? He never threatened to share them or anything, but you never know and I don’t know if he’s deleted them.

throw2422 · 2020-07-30T17:40:21+00:00

Im just too forgiving? How do I fix this ???

This guy I've been talking to and going on dates with for a while texts me every day and we have a cool convo every day but sometimes he just makes me roll my eyes. I've decided a little while ago that if I ever crossed into relationship territory with him, it would be a short term low investment thing. But yesterday he called me crazy after we had a random talk about diets? Not in a haha you're a crazy person, but in "what is wrong with you? why are you this crazy?" and it pissed me off so I stopped replying.

I woke up to dozen of texts of apologies. I still haven't replied but my initial intention was to block him and here I am, trying to understand why am I not even a little mad anymore.

bambina_33 · 2020-07-30T12:08:33+00:00

Hey girls, My ex is back and i don't know what i should think about, I explain. Two weeks ago de met for the first time after the cuarantine, de talk and laught, but in the moment to go Home we staied hugging each other for 5 mins! And then he said "i'm really sorry for the past" after that de couldn't meet again because i went to My village and he has exams, and de don't talo by whatsapp por any social media until last saturday when he said, "hey may i go to tour village one of these days?" and next week he maybe comes here. So, My question is, i should ask him what are his intentions? Why he comes back again? P.d I have to say thet de broke up because he has doubts and he didn't realise what he wants. Please give me your honesto opinión i feel really confuse. ,😅😅😅 thanks you sisters!!💞

coolerthanyouravgmom · 2020-07-30T09:51:26+00:00

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orchideerose · 2020-07-30T07:53:28+00:00

I'd been talking to a guy for a couple of weeks- he was a good conversationalist and seemed to have his life together. I accepted his invitation to meet at an art exhibition. He messaged me the instructions for how to buy a ticket. I said 'Ah. I'm not used to being invited to a relatively expensive event and being expected to pay for myself.' He instantly unmatched with me!

Aw_Hail_No · 2020-07-30T05:20:04+00:00

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Skittleschild02 · 2020-07-30T03:39:38+00:00

Recently, I found out that a snake of human being was masquerading as my friend and running telling a particular group of people that I don’t care for my personal business and spreading lies. It’s super high school to me. So, she can be invited to their parties or outings? (Okay, sis. Super childish and weird.)

I’m not going to confront her on it because it’s not worth the time and energy. I’m over dealing with toxic people. Just cutting all ties to her. Just treat her like a random stranger on the street.

throwmeupandacross · 2020-07-30T01:44:57+00:00

Anyone got any tips or questions to ask yourself before committing to long distance? My boyfriend recently suggested trying to make it work, and while a few months ago I would've been over the moon, right now I'm wondering if I should go for it even with no "end goal" in sight.

2020-07-30T01:22:57+00:00

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huixqui · 2020-07-29T23:22:01+00:00

Well it finally happened. I had a great day yesterday, minding my own business when I suddenly get a text from the guy who set me on the path to FDS 10 months ago after I left our situationship. We haven’t spoken since then and the text was just one of those “checking in, hope you’re doing well!”

I laughed, showed my friend, promptly deleted it, and continued on watching my TV show. I didn’t have any doubts about not responding. Had this happened 5 months ago I probably would’ve agonized over it.

Anyway, pretty sure he’s still with his girlfriend so I feel pretty sorry for her having a boyfriend that feels the need to text an old FWB after they’ve been dating for almost a year. Bullet dodged on that one.

Monstermagnetmarye · 2020-07-29T23:19:03+00:00

I got like so many negs on my birthday...entering my 30's. "Male friends" who said I'm 10 years older than the perfect age. Or saying i look good for my age, but i'm already a bitter old lady from the inside. Of course they mention it jokingly.... i just can't. 😂

ThrowRA_kingrobin · 2020-07-29T22:12:13+00:00

Hi ladies. I’ve known about you all for a while, and I recently finished reading the handbook. I’m ready to make a change in my life.

Recently I posted on both Relationships and Relationship_Advice, and I feel like some of the responses were just out of this world ridiculous and biased.

I would like to know what you ladies think of my situation, here’s a summary:

I’ve been with my boyfriend for six months, we’re mid-30s. He knows a man (40s) who has a small restaurant on the lake. Occasionally he’ll visit on his jet ski.

He and his friend were there last summer, and a woman saw him pull up on his jet ski and begged him for a ride, to which he agreed. He ended up regretting it because he said she wanted to drive, was practically begging him and he didn’t feel comfortable with that. He was with his friend who also has a jet ski, but she said she didn’t want to ride his because it looked old and not as fun. He said his friend thought this woman was “hot” and he was jealous of him. His friend confirmed this story with me.

Now that it’s warm outside and restrictions are loosening, he wanted to go there for the first time this year, and he took me with him. The guy and his group of friends who co-own the place seem really nice. There was a large group (15 or so) of young, college aged women dancing and partying with the guys. My boyfriend said there’s always a different group of young women there every time.

When we pulled up, I heard a couple of the women say “ooh, look at that nice jet ski! I want to ride it, do you think they will let me?” I told my boyfriend, and he said he didn’t hear it. A few minutes later the group of women left, and he said he probably should have taken them for a ride, because it would have been the nice, polite thing to do.

He did not imply whether I would have joined along if he did take them, but I’m just wondering, am I the only one who thinks it’d be weird to leave your girlfriend there alone while you take two random women around on your jet ski? And also just as weird if he and I are on the jet ski together with some random woman? I feel like either of those options would have made me uncomfortable. Especially since he’s made comments before about how “two dudes on a jet ski together looks weird.”

—- What would have been the FDS way to handle this? The funny thing is he is super protective about social distancing and not getting the virus, so to me it’s obvious that he would make an exception just because they’re young, beautiful and in bikinis. Also I find a 40something (the owner) hanging out with a rotating group of 20 year olds to be a very LVM trait.

OxkissyfrogxO · 2020-07-29T21:07:58+00:00

I'm not looking for a relationship right now due to my personal situation but I'm on the fence about casual hookups. I had a friend in mind but am unsure if I really should do it.

I had someone I used to call when I wanted some, but he suddenly lost his mind so he's most definitely out. I've always been nervous about hookups, because I have so much to lose.

pascalines · 2020-07-29T18:44:16+00:00

I just want to express how much I love all of you wise, tough, powerful women! I just love this sub.

It makes me so happy to have a space just for women where I can actually relax and speak my mind and my pain without a man gaslighting me or arguing with me. Thank god for FDS.

pnora19 · 2020-07-29T12:29:45+00:00

Did the FDS Spotify playlist get renamed or removed? I tried clicking the link but it doesn’t work.

Hhjjuuy · 2020-07-29T08:38:15+00:00

I know there's only a few comments on it right now but in reaction to the "Hey men" thread - did any of the women here need an anatomy class to figure out how to make a man enjoy sex? This seems so strange to me.

nukemycountry · 2020-07-29T07:42:47+00:00

How do I convince my HV female friends that they are HV and don't have to put up with most of the shit they do?

I have quite a few female friends who date way bellow their potential and put up with a lot of shit from spineless/LV men. I have suggested they get a dating app and experience just the sheer number of men who would loved to date them but they are not interested in meeting people online/think it makes them slutty or whatever. Aside from sending FDS memes and regularly complimenting them what can I do?

dntbfllikeidid · 2020-07-29T06:31:28+00:00

If you guys are into Astrology type of stuff I found a super cool app that I’m absolutely LOVING called The Pattern. Anyone else here already uses it? If so, how do you like it?

PS: You need to know your exact time of birth to get accurate predictions though.

This is a thread for off topic comments, why the hell does my comment about astrology deserve downvotes? Some people need to get a life, seriously!

Edit: extra words

girludontbringhome · 2020-07-29T04:09:39+00:00

It’s really crazy how fickle men are. A newer acquaintance/friend of mine had a seemingly dream-like relationship. She had met this guy and he seemed HV, buying her gifts/flowers, being super thoughtful. She posted him a lot on her Instagram, and the posts were adorable (though he had no posts of her - which was a red flag in hindsight). I had even messaged her a few times during covid and she was telling me that she feels she lucked out with him and she was planning on applying to grad schools where he was about to start school since they had talked about the future and marriage really early in the relationship. Overall I was super happy for her because in the short time I’ve known her she does seem like a genuinely kind, fun, smart woman. I also would look at her social media a lot and use it as a reminder that there are great guys out there.

I heard from a mutual friend of ours that he broke up with her :( I don’t know any details because I didn’t want to ask her directly since she’s probably pretty upset and I didn’t want to ask our mutual friend either because I don’t want to be nosy. But regardless, I just feel a bit shaken up because I really thought that they had a good thing going. Apparently they broke up after 4 months, I guess I thought they were together longer since they had made future plans together and such and seemed really committed.

Both my relationships also ended after 4 months as well so I feel her pain. One of them even did the whole future faking thing with me as well. Men are so fickle, it sucks.

gursky0 · 2020-07-29T03:54:08+00:00

dzgata · 2020-07-28T22:40:38+00:00

So many people are getting engaged during this pandemic. And not private engagements, they’re having gatherings in sites where corona rates are increasing...

Anyways, I always wonder, should I be happy for them or is it going to be another miserable marriage that will end in divorce within 2-5 years time like the last set of marriages I’ve witnessed. Now that I see everything through an FDS lens, it becomes even more difficult to actually be happy for people when they get married. I think...are they really marrying a HVM? Or are they just getting married for the sake of it? It’s not my business but just felt like ranting here a bit

mysthios · 2020-07-28T20:54:59+00:00

Was walking down the street after a lovely day at the beach and an old uglyman had the audacity to tell me to smile. BITCH!!! I smh at my reaction though, I smiled and put two thumbs up without talking ( honeslt what wad I thinking). He then tried to accost me and ask my star sign🤮🤮🤮but I kept on walking. Shit I just wanna enjoy myself without being harassed

honeybeeroll · 2020-07-28T18:56:23+00:00

Have you guys seen there is yet ANOTHER new dating app, this time one specifically designed for cat lovers 😂? Such an app would piss me off more than dating apps usually do because I'd be like "look at this scrote! You don't deserve to own a cat!" (this is what I already have done about several of the creeps on 90 day fiance lol).

Although I'm tempted to go on it like "Looking to adopt a female kitten only, those who swipe right for any other reason will be swiftly blocked" lol. I've been desperate for a kitten for months, but covid has fucked adoptions up 😭. No shelters are physically open, and the ASPCA is backlogged. I "started" their process 3 weeks ago (many weeks after submitting an application) and no effing update since, despite my follow ups. Ugh! I've said many times im ready to just wander around and find a kitten to pick up off the street lol, it'd be easier!

Partypuppers · 2020-07-28T16:19:56+00:00

Just wanted to vent about a memory that's stuck with me, and I keep remembering it and getting annoyed retroactively lol.

I was about 19, on the beach with my dad, lounging around and reading a book. I was a big bookworm growing up and loved learning new things. This particular book was about psychology and anthropology, as it had relevance to the degree I was doing at the time (at a uni that was ranked as being one of the top four universities in the world, mind you).

Anyway, this older man (40s) comes over to us. He knows my dad because we were on holiday and my dad always made a point of befriending the locals. He looks over to me and asks me what I'm reading. I tell him. Then (as if he cares and he's doing me a favour) he says, 'you shouldn't read too much as guys don't like clever girls, you won't be able to find a man to marry'. 😂😂🤮🤮

I was quite shy at the time and said timidly that it would be a sad future for mankind if people didn't prioritise education. I wish I had my current confidence I would have totally called him out. I still get angry thinking about the audacity 😂😠

SLVRlune · 2020-07-28T16:08:03+00:00

No need to compromise your standards.

Check out the 2:35 mark!

HELP_MANBABIESGOTME · 2020-07-28T14:59:14+00:00

Saw people elsewhere on reddit making fun of this sub. Its hilarious they havnt ever read it.

They think we are thirsting for rich, flawless, fantasy men and seeing no success and will be old spinsters. And that we all sit home and cry we don't have rich men.

Little do they know that high standard man (and rich isn't even a requirement) or bust is the whole point. Its better to be single forever than deal with a leech! I wouldnt mind being a happy spinster and I'm not crying about it

Mayonegg420 · 2020-07-28T13:25:51+00:00

Hello! Does anyone have recommendations on where to get dainty, statement jewelry? I’m looking to invest in a wide variety of real goal to buy myself. Black-owned is a plus but okay if not! ❤️

Partypuppers · 2020-07-28T12:38:16+00:00

I am LEVELING UP! While I already have a graduate degree, professional certification and a well-paying job, yesterday I also completed an executive graduate certificate program. I hope this will enable me to keep moving up the ladder! Just wanted to share & celebrate with you ladies 🥂

Flufferly · 2020-07-28T11:01:43+00:00

Y'all, the best thing I learned on here is to not be so damn caring all the time. I'm a softie at heart, but nothing is as telling as what happens when I don't offer to go out of my way to care for someone. The guy I've started seeing threw his back out, he's actually grateful I took 5 minutes on my lunch break to cheer him up. Hasn't asked for anything else. Another guy (acquaintance) threw a hissy fit when I didn't respond to him whining about a girl who doesn't want him. During my damned work day. Guess who's getting blocked today?

bootyandthebeet · 2020-07-28T10:41:16+00:00

I felt really sad last week because I saw that my LVM-ex’s work advertised for pretty much my dream job/transition job that I’m trying to get. I feel that if we had still been together, or idk he could have waited a few months longer before dumping me finally, he would have recommended me or because I know his colleagues and boss I would have had a good chance at getting the job 😞

I know it’s just an initial reaction feeling but I can’t help but feel a sense of entitlement like, I put up with his shit for so long and he treated me so poorly that the least I could have gotten is a job out of it.

It’s just annoying because the market where I live is bad for this kind of job, and the ads are few and far in between. It was a big shock when I saw his work post for it.

I’m trying to think how terrible it would have been to work with him (it’s a small office with a small team) and how much harder it would have been to break up, how much it would have sucked coz we were always going to break up eventually. But at least I would have gotten my foot in the door in this industry. Argh. Just feels like another opportunity gone because of my LVM-ex.

Just ranting I guess :/ The shock has worn off a bit but still get a bit down thinking about the “what if’s”

Correct-Dragonfly-69 · 2020-07-28T06:31:32+00:00

My new roommate has started getting on my nerves. She WORSHIPS men - has multiple guy friends, talks about how awesome the guys she meets are (in both a professional and romantic context). These guys seem terribly average to me. I rarely see her uplifting women and in fact, she's downright critical of women in our class at times (who btw are some of the strongest, most ambitious, and most intelligent/driven people I have had the pleasure of meeting)! She even called a female resident a "girly girl" in a disparaging way.

One of her guy "friends" made her wait 2 hours for a skype call, during which time she kept looking down at her phone to see if he had texted her. She has multiple guy friends and apparently a lot of them flake on her and she excuses it as "guys are just forgetful." I had just come off my antidepressants and was so irritable so I finally was like "Why do you keep making excuses for them? They're not forgetful, they're inconsiderate. We need to be mindful about the language we use to describe men because society as a whole is too forgiving of them"

She *really* didn't get it. She just looked at me blankly and was like "but I wasn't saying anything positive about them. I said guys are forgetful"

FACEPALM.

Ugh. She also said that today that she hopes I get to work with this "amazing, kind, and really cute" resident physician, who of course is male again. All the female residents I've met are LEAPS AND BOUNDS more considerate, better teachers, and better communicators than the male residents. So, no matter how cute "Paul" is, I'm going to stick with the residents who give me a better education. #sorrynotsorry.

lasolterita · 2020-07-28T04:48:33+00:00

My mom today when she saw me a bit glum over a recent breakup: "Solterita, you need to know something. You expect a lot from the people you love. And most men aren't going to be able to meet that standard. Most of them will expect you to be cooking, cleaning, making their bed, etc. And you're not that kind of person. So you're going to encounter a lot of breakups. Many attempts will be made by men to be with you. But it's going to be a while until you find the one. So take this in stride and don't rush, eventually you'll find the one."

sstena · 2020-07-28T03:46:52+00:00

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hikurangi2019 · 2020-07-28T01:09:04+00:00

Why are there so many throwaway accounts in here???!

orchideerose · 2020-07-27T22:26:15+00:00

Hi ladies. Which first date suggestion would you accept ? - Walk around a nice park (not FDS I know!!) - Art exhibition (but we'd have to wear masks so not the best for a first date in my opinion) - Lunch at a restaurant near his work during his break (if I'm free to meet before the weekend he said) These are all his suggestions. I'm leaning towards lunch, but would it feel rushed if it's during his lunch break? Or is it good to keep the first date relatively short? Is it awkward eating in front of a new person and trying to get to know them at the same time?😂 Thanks!

MakeURegret · 2020-07-27T21:13:13+00:00

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ama_ansk · 2020-07-27T20:42:23+00:00

I keep noticing small things that differentiate my ex (total LVM ass) and my current boyfriend, that really make me want to thank FDS for improving my judgement in men.

For example, I’m on the pill anyway (for period pain management, as well as extra security) so after +6months, when I’m sure about the relationship I propose that we both get tested and drop the condoms (it’s more intimate/feels better without imo).

But sometimes I forget to take a pill, so I’m not 100% protected for the 7 next days n we have to use condoms. When it happens I ofc form my partner. Here are the reactions I got:

-My LVM ex: Asked if I was sure we needed to do that, I explained that yes. Complained a lot that now he has to go buy condoms and he’s ashamed to do that (18 y.o. boy 🙄). Ends up doing it but complains the whole time, up until putting the condom on. I end up apologising constantly n feeling like shit.

My current bf: (that also asked me if I didn’t prefer to stop my pill n we keep using condoms when I proposed the idea of going without, asked to chip in in the cost of my birth control). Already knew the consequence of me forgetting one, just calmly said “no worries, I’ll bring condoms. The risk doesn’t outweigh a little bit of extra pleasure.” And ... that’s it. That’s how it should be.

Might be just a little thing (and ye the bar is on the floor), but for me it was an important thing))

smallishtree · 2020-07-27T14:57:22+00:00

Maybe this has been posted before but I couldn’t find it... how do y’all reply to men on OLD who ask “what’re you looking for?” I’m in my 20s, and have my settings to guys my age or four years older, and so many guys ask this as soon as you chat back and forth a bit.

Old PickMeisha me used to answer, “just looking to see where things go!” Or some pickme bs like that to sound like “a cool girl” who could be down for something casual even though I wanted an emotional connection and a strong relationship. Now I’m not sure the most FDS way to answer that, or is that question a flag??

Sus-2020 · 2020-07-27T13:48:11+00:00

Thought I was involved with a HVM. Planned and paid for every date. We’ve had nine dates, enjoying each other’s company, seems to be caring and not in a big rush to the bedroom. Left for a family reunion Friday. Talked on the phone Thursday night. Haven’t heard from him since Friday. Before he left, he apologized for having little communication during the last family visit and said he gets overrun with too many people and needs space when he can get it. He said he would be more in communication this time but nada. He’s also said before that he doesn’t like cell phones.. I don’t have the sense he’s with someone else, that he is with his family. How do I respond when he contacts me? Do I contact him? I wanted to ask if he’s still alive?

throw2422 · 2020-07-27T09:19:10+00:00

Why is FDS hated so much ? I really don't understand. Nothing FDS promotes is...harmful to our dates.

positivecatz · 2020-07-26T22:19:33+00:00

Went on a first date yesterday, he bragged about money and shopping the entire time... then missed his train and asked me for money for a taxi. FML.

Jumpy_Bullfrog · 2020-07-26T21:32:56+00:00

In desperate need of advice...

Some background:

I just recently graduated from college. My friends and I went on a weeklong trip at the beginning of June, and my friend's boyfriend brought a couple of friends along with him. Turns out one of the boys was a guy who I met at freshman orientation because our moms are high school friends. Ran in different circles throughout college but was always kind of on my radar - definition of HVM. It seemed like complete fate that he ended up at the lake.

While we were at the lake, we had a ton of one on one conversations and really hit it off, but never kissed. After the lake, we started to text every day - more like one text from each of us a day, just to stay in touch. Really detailed responses/meaningful conversation.

Fast forward to this weekend, we are both finally in the same city again and he invited me to get drinks with his friends. Long story short, he comes over to see my new apartment.

We sit outside on the balcony for a couple of hours drinking and catching up, everything is going sooo great. But after talking on the balcony, I end up blacking out and we have sex.

I am freaking out about the whole situation because this was the complete opposite of my intention. I really like him and wanted to take it slow and now im worried I have completely ruined our relationship.

Does anyone have any advice on how to come back from a situation like this?

Haunting-Bake-6899 · 2020-07-26T21:30:36+00:00

I’m new to FDS but it’s nice to hear about other women standing up for what they deserve. I guess I’ve been a pick me for a long time. I hope I’m not violating anything on here, I haven’t exactly stepped into my strength yet and I’m just looking for some advice on how to get through this period. My bf of 1 year 2 months and I are breaking up right now. We fight so often and I know I deserve better I guess it’s been an issue with self esteem/ scared to be alone. The recent battle is I asked him to stop following meme pages that had a bunch of t&a.. months ago. Then saw, without snooping, he still was. I told him I felt disrespected and all he does is get defensive. Tries to make me feel like I’m the one with issues. I guess I’m posting looking for support, I haven’t been in my power with this. I’m in a state where I don’t have close friends, not working because of COVID, and I’m just shut in and feeling isolated. Thank you all for your posts and comments on here in general, it helps me feel less alone through this mess.

Milobear27 · 2020-07-26T19:42:20+00:00

Wait wait wait. Y’all are telling me I can I work a hard satisfying 12 hr shift, then grab Sunday brunch to vent with my mentally stable girlfriends, shower, get a bomb a** 90 minute massage, blast Taylor Swift’s I did something bad in my 2020 vehicle, go to my gorgeous apartment with million dollar views to pass out just before seeing (and not replying) messages from three beautiful, interested, financial stable men with all their fucking hair??? OMG 😛😛😛 this life. Am I bragging? 🤔 Maybe 🤔 Sorry r/breakingmoms, I’m already banned anyway lmao. I can barely type this, nite y’all.

ThrowRA-NWI-Region · 2020-07-26T19:40:29+00:00

Guys, I’m a college student and I’m stuck living with my pick me mom and her NVM. As much as I love my mom, I know her happiness comes first above all else and it’s not healthy for me to be here. Would it be wrong to ask my disabled aunt if I can live in her house while she’s in a nursing home?

miwamus · 2020-07-26T19:15:38+00:00

GoddaUmnit. I just got home from a first date. He talked about himself nonstop. The sun came out and I told him it was getting hot so he OH-SO-KINDLY offered that we go to his place for "drinks and a/c." I told him it was time for me to go home. He INTENSELY started asking about my schedule and when I was free next time. I played deaf. When the bill came I put my card down and he said "so how about I get this one if you get the next?" How about abso-fucking-lutely not. You're only paying because you think it'll up your p**** chances.

You're sitting with a woman that's way above your looks level. You're only talking about you. And you think she wants to sit through that again AND PAY FOR IT?

Partypuppers · 2020-07-26T16:02:10+00:00

Is it a red flag if someone wants 'a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets'? Sounds vaguely off to me but I'm having trouble articulating why.

How does FDS feel about the Madonna/ whore complex?

2020-07-26T15:27:53+00:00

Went on a great first date last night for the first time since the beginning of the year!

Aw_Hail_No · 2020-07-26T14:37:11+00:00

[deleted]

berned-out · 2020-07-26T14:28:23+00:00

I have a question I'm embarrassed to ask: I find myself physically attracted to men with a little pot belly, although I know it's a clear sign of bad health and poor physical fitness. Is this my pickmeisha past trying to trick me? I just find myself wondering why my brain is doing this to me. It's almost like it's looking for a "safe bet"? Even though I know there's no such thing, and ugly men are just as depraved as handsome ones. I'm baffled, and this is a recent development, not a feature in a man I've ever found attractive before. Also, I'm on a keto weight loss journey, so maybe my brain is trying to find food? LOL!!

PsychologicalBeat2 · 2020-07-26T13:29:39+00:00

Just need to vent. Thought I found a HVM in the wild. Distant coworker, a year younger than me, social media is full of critiques of capitalism and classcism along with insightful commentary about current events. He dresses very nicely and has a great work ethic.

Went to lunch with him the other day, he was by my side the entire time--while ordering, eating, and walking back to the building. Held doors, brought extra napkins for me, offered to drive (we walked instead since it was a short distance). Very nice and polite, kinda shy.

Welp, glanced down to see him reaching for his phone; he's texting someone with a heart next to their name. Which makes all his subtle flirtations really creepy and unwanted.

Dig deeper on his social media, find that he's super pro "sex work" and OnlyFans. Disgusted. Back to square one.

yegerska · 2020-07-26T11:58:22+00:00

Please assign me a flair! I tried writing a modmail but still nothing

thirdtoebean · 2020-07-26T08:23:45+00:00

Hello sisters. Not sure if this has been asked before, but is there a FDS-like approach to same sex relationships? I'm bisexual, and tbh find the male offering disappointing, so I plan to prioritise relationships with women in the future. However the dynamic there is quite different, risks are lower etc, but I still want to approach relationships in a high-value way. A lot of the basic handbook stuff will hold true, but any insights on inter-queen relations?

firewithin89 · 2020-07-26T06:19:24+00:00

What are the chances of the guy that you are seeings grandpa passing away the day before you are suppose to meet? This guy lives in another state.. I have talked to many men online and have never felt comfortable meeting a guy from out of state. This guy actually made me feel comfortable enough to take the steps to do it. He hasn’t talked much really to me since his grandpa passed other than a few messages here and there. Yes I have googled obituaries too and played detective.. nothing has come up online.. I would really be disgusted if a guy would actually lie about that. He was also the one wanting to come see me and he waited patiently until I said I’m finally comfortable with it. So when it started getting closer to the week for him to come down to see me, he seemed a little more distant now that I look back on it.

shouldistayorrr · 2020-07-26T03:42:37+00:00

I've met a HVM just before the quarantine, finally after getting out of a long separation from my LVM ex husband. This man is successful, smart, generous and just my type. I met him, let's call him Jack, at a restaurant while he was having lunch with my playboy cousin. My cousin loves me but he has some pretty toxic ideas about women.

Jack and I made plans to meet up soon after but then the quarantine happened, the border closed (we live on opposite sides of it). We're social media friends now and he's been liking every picture and every once in a while we exchange messages about our common hobby.

I've been very careful to keep my cards close to me. And I understand that dating others until there's a commitment is essential. But we're at our late 40s so the pickings are slim and I find that going out with a LVM makes me needier, not stronger. And obviously, now is not the best time to socialize in general. So I'm not actively dating for now although I'm not opposed to the idea.

Anyway, the reason I'm posting; My idiot cousin recently saw Jack again and they talked about me. My cousin told Jack that I've had terrible luck in love, and just needed to someone to basically "rescue me", which is not true at all. I have a nice life and a good romantic relationship would be a nice addition but I'm not desperate for it at all. And my cousin doesn't even know we were getting close, I never confided in him. He simply answered Jack's question of, how's your cousin doing with all that stupidity.

And later in the conversation Jack tells my cousin that he's not considering marriage or even LTRs anymore, he's happy as he is. And right after that, he goes on my social media account and unlikes my last picture. Then, radio silence... for the first time ever, since we met.

My question I guess is, is this salvageable? If we lived close by, he would know that I'm not what my cousin "helpfully" described. I can tell Jack is now convinced that I'm a LVW and he wants nothing to do with me and I can't blame him.

tinysilverstar · 2020-07-26T03:02:58+00:00

Does anyone have advice for plus size dating?

peanutbuttatwix · 2020-07-26T02:36:14+00:00

Spotify Playlist is great!

sikulet · 2020-07-26T02:20:56+00:00

I have a thought - maybe being a pickme is not just people pleasing in general and low self esteem but actually a sign of being Co- dependent.

I just realized this based on the discussion yesterday on absentee fathers building children who are drawn to the avoidant - anxious cycle which then forms a trauma bond or codependency issue.

Hence when we say raise our standards it’s not just the straightforward items of what to avoid in low value men, but also learning to be whole - when we aren’t being insecure we actually turn this low value men down instinctively!

But when we are being one, any source of validation even if it’s lip service, becomes a source of self esteem and the way to keep that fountain of affirmation going is to put out more effort to ensure supply of good words never mind that the “relationship” is carried by the pick me throughout, and the affirmation could have been had easier without a deadweight.

To some extent, lvms are like junk food, instant relief it’s cheap and doesn’t need to inspire deep change in the core value, but wading through the haystack to find a HVM is going through the effort of eating healthy, working out and Yoga, having a good life.

As a companion to the FDS handbook, perhaps we can add a sidebar link to codependent resources.

Rebirthed_Queen · 2020-07-26T01:19:37+00:00

How is website signup progressing? I've submitted a code request more than once over the past month to no avail. Is there still a large influx of newcomers?

slothsomesauce · 2020-07-26T00:47:57+00:00

I started employing FDS in my OLD attempt. I have definitely weeded out LVM...it seems every guy in Plenty of Fish is a LVM?

gursky0 · 2020-07-26T00:41:43+00:00

Why was I demoted from FDS Apprentice to FDS Newbie?

happytoll · 2020-07-25T21:26:49+00:00

Started talking to a guy that seemed cool. Then he started taking longer and longer to answer me but when I called him out on not wanting to get to know me, he answered right away that it wasn't something he meant to do and kept calling me sweetheart.

HoneyBouquet · 2020-07-25T21:21:37+00:00

hi sisters! Haven't been active much but one of the subs (I no longer am I subbed) I was active on - the men were stalking my post history and trying to threaten me.

Some people have no life.

I obviously BLOCKED and moved on.

So sad. NVM and LVM have no bounds. 😶👋

warinmymind94 · 2020-07-25T19:45:40+00:00

every day I am hearing more jabs from all of them centering about how I "need to meet" this dude. my parents have met him once & keep telling me the same stories about how he is "different" and so nice and family oriented with a great sense of humor. he's educated, served for a while in the military, has a nice car, and his family is actually nice as I knew several of his older relatives (typical small hometown stuff). I hate to admit it but I was almost developing a crush on this stranger and keep stopping myself. I realized then how lousy my past dating fails were and how deeply I crave to have a better life and find a HVM.

someone please tell me that this military guy is not worth wondering about. he is 5 years older than me and has been divorced for several years now. I am only in my 20s, he married young. he doesn't have kids. he has a degree so do I but I found his social media and saw he was shitposting about his ex being a "golddigger" and trying to "take everything" during the divorce. more recently, he posted a paragraph saying he was so lonely and he doesn't trust women, and how it will take someone really special to fall for that again. his friend shared a meme about marriage (after he got divorced) saying that weddings are a trap for men and its only for female benefit, to which he commented "haha. not falling for that again!" I know one of his older relatives and she was saying something about how one of her family members around my age (maybe it was him) was trying to buy her house but he was. being a cheapskate and didn't want to pay the fair market price. he is also the type of guy that makes those posts saying he is bored and open to anyone joining him for adventures. he does spend a lot of time with family from what they say and seeing the photos.

he still has his wedding photos up and some of his couple pics with his ex. he was always posting how much he loved her and she was his world. he'd take pics of him writing her handwritten love letters, surprising her, and taking her to all her favorite places. right after the divorce she shacked up with a NVM, played mommy to his kids, and got pregnant very quick. I suspect she was cheating on military dude for a while, maybe thats why he'd obsessed and bitter.

despite telling family off they keep insisting that he will at "least be a good friend" and I told my mom I am not here to befriend men at my age. I feel like this military guy is just another LVM, add on a hate towards women, unresolved issues from his previous relationship. add the fact he dresses and seems like he acts like a grandpa. he seems very desperate and gives me the vibe that he will love bomb and take things very quickly. he seems super cheap and clingy, maybe even possessive. I think his idea of someone special is a supreme pickmesha that will pay her way and for a lot of the things he wants. Im writing it out here because im seeing how problematic he really seems and think I should avoid him at all costs when he is home. I really love and support anyone military for their sacrifices but this does not mean I will date or be a pickme for them!

pallta · 2020-07-25T17:27:12+00:00

I've noticed a pattern that a few days before my periods, I start feeling anxious, and I see more things wrong with my partner. This usually goes away once my period starts. Does anyone experience this and can relate? Sometimes it's hard to differentiate whether these are my "actual feelings" or whether my hormones make me feel more antsy.

guntcity2 · 2020-07-25T15:40:32+00:00

Random thought. Red flag: if their favorite director is Stanley Kubrick, they aren’t artsy, they just love men who brutalize and torment women and seeing it on screen is a plus.

Blue-dawn-flower · 2020-07-25T15:08:49+00:00

[deleted]

Disastrous_236 · 2020-07-25T09:55:54+00:00

Hi!! I'm sorry for the new account I really hate reddit too much to make a permanent account but omg I fucking love fds. I don't know how unique this problem is but I feel like I come off too cute and friendly?? I just got hired in a customer service job and after like 3 weeks of it some of the regulars have taken it as an invitation to start acting more flirty and comment on my appearance. I really hate that I have to let some of these people into my personal space and interact with them and I dont really care how harsh that sounds. I really just wanna boss up and be a bad b that can tell these audacious ass guys to fuck off whenever they try and test my boundaries. 😭 Alas I feel like I was cursed with a cute face and good manners. 💔

Edit: ALSO WHILE IM HERE... I feel like I'm so mean now that I've found fds. I feel like all men my age (18-22) are fucking terrible??? Without fail, every guy I've gotten close with romantically has been garbage. One of the guys I was with seemed so perfect until we had sex and he said something along the lines of "I've wanted to do this since I met you". He was attractive as hell and very generous in bed and seemed like HVM but looking back I can see all these red flags?? (Saying creepy shit after we had sex, wouldn't drop a female friend, ignored me for a week and I didn't message either) The last reason is why he's an ex and blocked and honestly I haven't heard from him since and couldn't care less about any of his reasons for that. I feel like a few years ago I would've tried my hardest to help him and get back with him but now I don't even feel anything. Like I've only had 3 exes and at the time I loved all of them but now they seem so terrible and like, sex driven??? Stuff that I didn't even notice at the time like hitting me up and night and trying to get me to come over, they all did this without fail and when I didn't accept their advances they would stop messaging. This is also really making me feel turned off from sex, like I shouldn't give any of them what they want. Idek I don't think I even wanna talk to or date straight men anymore since 1) they tend to be horrible 2) they have nothing to offer me. I love good sex but I don't crave it and can absolutely live without it. Fds you really made me question my sexuality over here 😭😭 ... thank u.

milkycocoa-puff · 2020-07-25T09:20:47+00:00

I need to review the handbook ASAP. I met a guy online two weeks ago who made me like he was super interested. We went on a few really fun dates, talked on ft for 6 hours one night, he basically love bombed me and showed me a ton of interest and affection in a short amount of time. Long story short, we had sex. And now all of a sudden he’s gone. Just like that.

Should have seen the red flags: -photo of ex gf still up on his Instagram -told me that his ex was psychotic + toxic -he picked up a call from his ex on our second date -he told me that a woman should wait a month to sleep with someone after I slept with him -he updated his dating app bio while we were talking -was reading the art of seduction (the description of the charmer fit him PERFECTLY) -he and his friend want to buy a boat together. According to the friend, boats help with picking up women.

I know these things aren’t all necessarily red flags, but in this context, I think that they all point to the fact that he was dishonest + manipulative.

I feel deceived + pathetic for having strayed from FDS. I told myself I was going to do things differently this time, but I just wanted to believe all of the wonderful bullshit lies he was telling me about what a kind and sincere person he was. Ugh. I’m deleting online dating apps, I don’t feel that I can date responsibly right now😭 I feel like I’m too reckless and gullible to meet a quality person right now. Any suggestions from ladies who can relate to this/tips for moving forward?

berned-out · 2020-07-25T06:20:04+00:00

[deleted]

Mimieuxmieux · 2020-07-25T06:01:56+00:00

Lol. Just updating on my posts on last week's check-in. I reread the Handbook in between this past and my recent post. I still couldn't bring myself to straight up delete/block him though due to our history.

Anyway, of course he reaches out and asks why we are still friends on facebook if we aren't talking. I'm like, ok, and delete him. He freaks out and starts calling me and texting me. Says he now wants "a companion and serious relationship." Then lays on the guilt-trip that I am "discarding him like a piece of trash." It's like they have some male playbook they are all using. Lmao. What a clown. Blocked!!!

Edited to add: He told me a few days ago that when I told him I had feelings for him, "he wasn't disappointed to hear that" (ouch). So when he texted that he wants a companion and serious relationship, I replied "Lol. I guess I'm not disappointed to hear that. No thanks." Petty but satisfying - even though I doubt he remembers what he said to me

zecountess · 2020-07-25T04:22:06+00:00

Met someone new on one of the apps and there’s been a little chemistry so far. I’ve been in a weird, anxious headspace with everything going on in the country and I think the other guy’s not a huge fan? Can’t tell for sure but that seems most likely. I knew going in this could go one of two ways but it still smarts a lil. Just wanted to share this with someone and I feel like y’all would get it

AfraidofFollowers · 2020-07-25T04:10:32+00:00

FDS isn’t even a dating strategy anymore... it’s evolved and we all know it.

FDS has evolved into a lifestyle that is more than just dating. It’s an attitude. It’s tools and community are what lifts us up after all the bullshit.

I feel better knowing the handbook. I feel better when I date me.

FDS is a movement! Movements grow!!

ulgamoth · 2020-07-25T03:57:21+00:00

i've been on OLD for a few months, and matched with a guy who revealed to me that he is a custodian. he makes around the same as me per hour, but i think i have more opportunity for growth in my current (corporate) position.

WIBTA for turning down someone with a shitty job? (pun intended)

he's okay otherwise, except he double-texted me twice in one day after less than a week of talking. but that's another thing entirely

judyfoody · 2020-07-25T03:04:21+00:00

I recently discovered FDS and it's so refreshing to have my feelings validated. Certain dating norms in my social circle + media made me feel childish/prudish/crazy cuz I wasn't okay with certain ones like boyfriends using porn, sex super early, etc. Now I know I'm not alone and feel so empowered to stick to my own boundaries!

LaggyCharm · 2020-07-24T22:48:58+00:00

Got bored in quarantine and downloaded tinder again purely for entertainment. Matched with a guy and we have been speaking for several months now. Our interactions are basically just banter and insults. I have no real desire to ever meet this guy and he meets 0 of my values. However, I must be slowly going insane in this pandemic because I’m actually starting to become physically attracted to him. He utilizes the most obvious negging techniques and often times just flat out insults me in the crudest ways. I have no idea why I’m attracted to him, but I will say this; I’m never downloading a dating app ever again.

I really don’t understand myself at this point. I value myself, prioritize my education and have always had a healthy self image. I believe women should stand on their own two feet and that it is preferable to be single than with a LVM.

So why the hell am I still talking to this guy? I feel like some dark magic has been used on me (I’m kidding, sort of).

leahtwo · 2020-07-24T21:39:55+00:00

[deleted]

apple_cores · 2020-07-24T21:28:30+00:00

Just need to vent for a min. My LVM ex and I broke up end of April. A bit of back story. We have been on and off for about 2.5 years. It has been very hard. I have been so so good to him even when I knew I was doing too much and he wasn’t stepping up. He’s younger than me so I alway tried to teach him - I know, big mistake.

Last year I left him because he never had told me he loved me. Not once. Once I told him I was sleeping with someone else (we were not dating at the time, just having sex and hanging out so mostly fab. And after I had sex won’t someone else, I told him and told him we couldn’t sleep together anymore and I made sure we didn’t.) he broke down and that’s when he said he loved me. He was a depressed mess, sent me paragraphs saying how I was the one and he finally was ready to grow and commit with me. Sent me flowers, focused on me the way I had always wanted. Finally I gave him the chance to prove himself the way he had been talking, a couple of months later. Things were good for a while. I wanted to take it slow at first because I had been briefly dating another LVM who ended up being trash. So we took it slow and things were better. But when I brought up the conversation to be an official couple, he told me he needed more time and wanted to be sure. This was in October last year. I had brought up the conversation a few more times since then. He started getting lazy about things again. He ended it in April, days after my birthday. The reason being he wasn’t fully ready to commit the way I wanted and needed. I was sad but had no choice but to let go. We had even been on vacation earlier in the year, acted like a couple, but he couldn’t fully commit. No cheating or talking to anyone on either end (as far as I know) but there wasn’t full commitment.

We stayed in contact. We would both miss each other and he wanted to have sex. I wanted to too, but said no we can’t go back. In a moment of weakness, we had sex twice in early and late June. Our chemistry is off the charts which is why it’s been so hard to leave him. This last time we had sex, I was on him partially naked and kissing his face and neck getting ready for another round. We were talking about how many girls he’s been with since we broke up and I mentioned a friend of his, who I thought maybe they had casual sex. He blurts out that they’re dating. I was shocked. I got up and was getting dressed and crying. I tried to leave, he wouldn’t let me leave until he explained himself. He said they weren’t actually dating, but had been on a few dates and can’t do long distance while she’s in school. But he likes her. He also had asked me to be his sugar mama before I came over for sex - not the first time he’s asked. I said no. I’ve done so much, enough for him.

After that, I went home and we had days of back and forth. He made me the other woman and I was beyond sad/mad. I tested him after to see how serious he was with this girl. I told him I’d come over to fuck and he said I can’t come over unless I agree to sugar mamma terms. I blocked his number. He reached out another way and we had a toxic conversation. The conversation got hot and he told me to pull up. I couldn’t and wouldn’t. Then he told me he and his friend are exclusively dating and he was testing me to see if I would actually come over. It’s a mess and that was a lie. He would have had sex with me had I gone over. He just got blocked everywhere. But not before he told me he told the friend he’s dating about what happened and he thinks he lost her. Lol well yeah what did you think was gonna happen.

Anyway. That’s my toxic past that’s in the past. The worst part is I still love him. But that will fade and I am ready to move on. I’m angry at myself for putting up with all this for so long when I know how he operates. Also I am angry. A grey he chose her over me when he knows what I bring to the table.

xNayxNayx · 2020-07-24T21:06:34+00:00

I appreciate you all. I just felt super discouraged. Not discouraged enough to go back to how life was before, but just feeling lonely and angry and sad. We need a single word to describe the emotional toll of dating trash ass LVM lol.

Europa_Queen · 2020-07-24T18:44:12+00:00

I just found this sub last week and I am already learning SO much. I cannot tell you how much comfort it has brought me to find out that there is a whole community of women just like me, who’ve had exactly the same shitty, confidence-destroying dating experience as me, and who have come together to build each other up and develop methods to ensure we never have to invest time or energy (or imo the worst of all - actual feelings) into N/LVM ever again. I am so grateful to have found this community! I have been and will continue to focus on myself and work on leveling up for a while, but it is so nice to know that, when I do decide to re-enter the dating scene, there are effective strategies I can use and the situation is not as hopeless as I’d previously believed.

2020-07-24T17:02:43+00:00

[deleted]

lowfattitties · 2020-07-24T16:15:27+00:00

I need help identifying a red flag. During vetting a 30 year old man over FT he told me he hasn’t had a relationship in 7 years but mentioned he’s been on dating sites too. This guy is in IT but completely broke his Mac screen and is waiting until next year to buy another cause it “still works”. IMO I saw two red flags, he is cheap or doesn’t have an emergency savings and won’t be a generous man, may be a 50/50 guy. Second he’s been a player for 7 years or has some serious issues where he couldn’t find a partner. May have lack of dating but experience. In my experience I’ve been the “first girlfriend” to my last two exes who were very selfish, immature, emotionaly unavailable NVM. Am I just biased/jaded or do these seem like red flags? Edit: also quadruple texted me and double texts a lot if I don’t reply within 10-15 min. He’s Nigerian and I’ve heard they can be controlling so I’m kind of weary. I know it’s a bit racist to say that. I’m African American and have only had bad experiences dating African men.

HELP_MANBABIESGOTME · 2020-07-24T15:18:15+00:00

I was talking to a male friend of mine about FDS, hes married and never seemed to be a total scrote. I won't speak on his value because I dont think of him that way anyway.

He actually openly told me that until he met his wife he didn't see women as anything but a cock sleeve. And that im 100% right about all this. And that women need to be careful. He said it took meeting her and wanting to impress her and then kinda falling into it to realize women are people too.

He said until then, any interaction with a woman was like "how can i navigate this to let me fuck her" or "wow she's annoying". Only two answers. He specifically said he didn't have empathy for women when he was younger and there was like a mental block around them.

It really disturbed me coming from someone I think of as a friend. Especially one that I never thought of as being toxic.

I think hes passed it now but anyway. Be careful yall. Men know they are toxic even while they are doing it. I guess they have to actively want to not be a piece of shit.

endorphins_ · 2020-07-24T13:42:31+00:00

To you ladies that currently/have worked in the service industry: have you ever had situations where you were interacting with a couple, the woman steps away and then the guy starts flirting with you?

This happens to me repeatedly and it makes me lose hope because they initially look happy together 😬

Hhjjuuy · 2020-07-24T09:26:30+00:00

I really want my mum to read the handbook and realise her worth and her strength but have no idea how to approach it. Maybe best to level-up myself first before I can do it effectively!

burst_holy · 2020-07-24T06:04:55+00:00

Finally got the strength to admit that I deserve better. That realization led me to tell my boyfriend I was unhappy in our relationship, I intended to have a real talk with him and move forward together. He wanted to be angry. The man I wanted to eventually marry moments before was now kicking the wall and calling me every name in the book. I couldn't think of a better way to affirm that I made the right decision. He made the breakup easier by showing his true colors. I would have spent years trying to fix him. It was not until I came here that I realized I don't have to put up with being treated less than I deserve. Thank all of you ladies for your strength and inspiration to finally stand up for myself! Queens raising queens up! ❤✨

girludontbringhome · 2020-07-24T06:04:42+00:00

How can I stop having emotions tied to an ex?

I always have emotions tied to my first boyfriend (we talked until recently - 2 years post break-up). He’s deleted and blocked now. I used to be really sad about our break-up, but now I am just angry? And I really want to stop feeling anything towards him because I don’t want him to have a hold on me. Also, I was just thinking if I ever saw him with a new gf it would crush me.

I was in another relationship that ended more recently and the guy objectively was a lot worse towards me, but I honestly don’t feel really anything towards that guy/situation. No sadness, anger, etc. I was pretty much indifferent to him/relationship shortly after the break-up. Maybe it helped that we never talked after it was over. And if he had a new gf I wouldn’t care at all, if anything I’d feel bad for her.

Anyway, how can I also become indifferent towards my first ex?

Forgetyouknew · 2020-07-24T02:38:59+00:00

Looking for advice on if I should meet this guy in person. I'm newly divorced and trying to learn how to vet a guy.

Pros: he's pursued me happily, texts me often even though I'm slow to respond, has a good job, athletic, happy and friendly, talks about his family, respectful in all ways so far and shows a lot of interest in me

Cons: when we text, he asks questions, but on our 1 phone call and 1 video chat, was a chatterbox and didn't get to know me much. Second, even though he's athletic, I'm not that attracted to him based on photos/video. Last, he says things like I'll call you Thursday and we'll see if we can do X on Sunday. Then Thursday he says he'll call Saturday to confirm details for Sunday (weather is a factor). He seems to think he's reserved my time for the day without specific plans.

I feel like I could correct this behavior, but should I bother? I wouldn't mind the first date practice but I want an outside perspective. Thanks!

Cauliflower-Safe · 2020-07-24T02:32:52+00:00

Random question I had that idk is worth a thread - what are your queens' thoughts on younger men (early 20s) who are genuinely inexperienced with women? Like never had a gf, maybe virgins, etc.. Are they inherently more oblivious? And in that case, do we just drop them?

Cosmictears83 · 2020-07-24T02:06:04+00:00

At the risk of sounding gloomy, dating apps are now just a social excersize for me. Due to pandemic, quality of men, and where I am in life currently I know the odds of even finding one I would meet in real life right now is next to nil. I converse out of social isolation boredom, and to see how quickly I can identify their red flags that I've learned since joining FDS. I unmatch/block at least 2 everyday.

My weak spot was always the men who overshared traumas. As a person with my own baggage my natural inclination was to try to make them feel better and try to be a listener. So scrotes were getting free therapy off me through online dating apps. I finally conquered it and saw results in myself in a conversation I was able to disengage from. Where I was once giving a paragraph of feedback to their custody/health/family woes, i was literally like "sucks bro". He didn't seem to know how to respond and layed out one last piece of bait with "I never usually share this stuff with anyone" 🙄. I ghosted the conversation and felt pretty happy with myself.

xNayxNayx · 2020-07-24T00:54:43+00:00

I feel like I’m a magnet for bullshit. Every time I start to feel like a queen and like I’m doing it right I get knocked down. This is such a lonely process. I am amazing and I just can’t figure this out. It’s deeper than finding some dude to want to be in a relationship with me. It’s the crushing realization that I’ve been sold a lie about relationships my whole life. It hurts.

hahathrwawayy · 2020-07-23T23:47:57+00:00

Update on the possible HVM. Things have been amazing. I can’t believe how much I was missing wasting my time with toxic dick... I’m so happy to be respected, listened to, spoiled, all that. He’s got so many goals in life and is such a hard worker, our lifestyles match up, he really builds me up in terms of my work and education. It’s crazy.

Now on to my next rant topic. Men harassing the hell out of me. The final straw was my manager at work asking me out while we were both on the clock. I was so appalled!! I can’t even men believe that’s acceptable. The only answer men respect is “I have a boyfriend” and it makes me sick.

BetterToBeLonely · 2020-07-23T23:09:22+00:00

I finished my new program and already got a new job! It is my first real job in many years after being a SAHM (Not really since I had a lot of freelance work). The pay isn't great, but the benefits are ok. Best of all, it blows the dust off of my resume and gives me a working budget for planning my escape from being an unappreciated maid and uterus.

It would not have been possible for me to make this particular chain of events happen if not for quarantine. Since he had to be home for once, I could finally leave the kids with him and do something for myself. And in the past it never would have been this easy for me to get this position, but it's a medical job and everyone quit due to covid. Once life stops sucking, I might look back on this time and realize a pandemic was the best thing to happen to my life. Even if it is shitty at the moment.

AnnaYorn14 · 2020-07-23T20:25:00+00:00

Question to OLD: is there a way to vet men on OLD. Once I know about his education/job and hobbies (sport, interests) I already know if we COULD fit. In the next step I don't know what else to ask. I am so tired of going on dates and realizing 5 min into the date that it's not a match or he's a LVM IRL. Is there a time and energy saving way to avoid this?

Meredeen · 2020-07-23T19:57:20+00:00

I can't seem to gain membership to the website, I submitted my reddit account twice this month and my Twitter account even sending a picture of myself with my accounts written on it. And I messaged the mods on here days ago with no reply. Not sure what to do..

daisy_0720 · 2020-07-23T18:42:36+00:00

I'm currently facing a dilemma... could use some advice.

I feel like I've FINALLY found someone who checks all my boxes, treats me well, and is affectionate. We've been on three dates. He's planned them all and paid for all.

However, something feels off. When we kiss, I don't feel any chemistry. I don't like the way he smells, strangely enough. It's not an unclean smell, but it's just off somehow.

What should I do? I am currently on an SNRI that has sexual side effects... so I'm thinking it could be that, because he is objectively attractive. I can't exactly get off the meds though because I'm going through a stressful year and it's helped a lot.

oddcharm · 2020-07-23T17:02:28+00:00

Anyone else just feel like dating is a chore?

In my area they've started opening things back up so I unpaused my dating apps and I literally let a day pass before I can even care to respond to the men on there. Like I'd rather clean the toilet than converse with some of them. Not that I've ever been super big on OLD, but everyone is just so boring or upon second glance I'm not even attracted to them :/. I feel like I'm broken or something

notdatypicalITgurl · 2020-07-23T15:48:50+00:00

I struggle with really figuring out how I want my life to be. I work remotely and do grad school remotely, but still can't decide where I want to live permanently, or where I ultimately want my career to go. I'm 27, and still just floating along.

How did you ladies find yourselves in that sense?

Jinxhourglass · 2020-07-23T15:02:04+00:00

I don’t currently work in the non-profit sector but a lot of my friends do. There’s a strong push towards “reformative justice” and it’s very obvious that the strategies and language for it are being severely misused.

Someone was telling me that their coworker physically abused his girlfriend who also worked at their organization. He choked her until she was unconscious. They broke up and now he’s moved onto another coworker who thinks she can “heal” him.

The organization won’t do anything and the first woman won’t press charges because she doesn’t believe in the prison system and she wants “reformative justice.” They tried having a mediation and the mediators wouldn’t call him choking her abuse because it’s “oppressive to the marginalized kink community.”

Anytime someone with some damn sense asks the leaders of the organization what they plan on doing about the abuser, they don’t have a real answer. They don’t know how to implement a “restorative justice” plan and it’s clear that he’s being let loose to victimize more women.

It’s exhausting to see how common this is because there’s been non-stop articles and social media posts lately of people all over the world exposing different abusers in their organizations. Activist communities will never get anything done until they start kicking these predators out, because by the time they take action one person has managed to hurt 5-10+ colleagues or community members.

After reading Why Does He do That? I know this reformative justice approach to abusers is nonsense and it’ll almost never work. Until people realize that, activist projects will always fail. I’m very happy I found this sub because so much knowledge is applicable to parts of our lives that don’t involve our own romantic relationships. I’ve been giving everyone a copy of Why Does He Do That? so they’re equipped to combat the gross misuse of “reformative justice” rhetoric. I think it can work for other issues, but it certainly can’t work for “healing” predators.

Summerisle7 · 2020-07-23T14:55:48+00:00

[removed]

throwaway23004345 · 2020-07-23T11:59:50+00:00

Im 27 and barely have any experience and I’m already burnt out by men lol

likeaprincess96 · 2020-07-23T11:41:29+00:00

Am I low value if I’m the one who is blocked on everything? I feel like he’s “won”. And I noticed that he unblocked me a couple weeks ago to lurk and block me back. I’m ashamed to have even noticed that and I should have blocked him but I didn’t want him to know that I noticed him.

Hhjjuuy · 2020-07-23T10:59:52+00:00

Putting this out here because seeing real examples helps me, so I hope this helps you.

I told my bf at the time that I was reevaluating my diet and upping my workouts because I had a goal to lose my last 10 lbs of baby weight. His response: “if you get any hotter I’m not going to be able to keep my clothes on around you.”

It sounded like a compliment to me at the time, but it’s actually negging. He’s telling me that 1) he’d be more turned on by me if I was hotter and 2) I’d be hotter if I lost weight.

I ended our relationship for a multitude of reasons, and thankfully he never got to see me naked again - with those 10 lbs or without.

hhgjj0 · 2020-07-23T10:49:53+00:00

What's wrong with pink?

I've been building a mobile app just to practice some skills and since design wasn't my focus at all, I took a very random decision to make it pink in color. But now whenever I show it to some male, they always start commenting about how it's so pink, start asking if I like pink or even accuse me of "pushing feminist propaganda". I don't get what the issue is, it's just a color.

I guess I'll have to change it to blue just for the peace of mind 🤔

Hhjjuuy · 2020-07-23T08:14:36+00:00

[deleted]

stalolol · 2020-07-23T08:14:05+00:00

Can anyone recommend good books, podcasts or YouTube videos about becoming more comfortable with one's own sensuality? I'm uninterested in references that cater to a man's pleasure. My goal is to become happier with my own body, emotions and sexual expression. It would be great if the media focused on self-help rather than sexual technique. I didn't see a book that addressed this topic in the fds book list, but I may have missed it. I also couldn't find anything on Amazon.

smallishtree · 2020-07-23T07:49:22+00:00

It's so not flattering when a man from your past reaches out to you.

I lowkey want to send them a huge slap from the universe. The audacity to contact you thinking you'll still be up for tolerating their bullshit. "Hey hey its me I know you're moving on and in peace right now, just wanted to say heeeey remember me" and the other kind "im sad i need someone to talk to and i remember you made me feel so good i want that again despite treating you like crap waaah"

dzgata · 2020-07-23T07:36:37+00:00

How can this dude (25m) not know the difference between weather/whether, your/you’re, and their/they’re/there. Claims to have a whole degree, something isn’t adding up here 🧐 I totally get it for immigrants or foreigners who learn English as a second or third + language. But this guy was born and raised in the us. I can’t.

Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered July 23 2020

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Comments

Title	Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered July 23 2020
Author	NecessaryCook
Upvotes	44
Comments	455
Date	July 23, 2020 6:51 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hwb0k2/weekly_fds_chat_checkin_quick_questions_answered/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/weekly-fds-chat-check-in-quick-questions-answered.716268 https://theredarchive.com/post/716268