Why don't you approach men?

Arievan · 2024-11-20T17:55:48+00:00

I have approached 3 guys and every time they were weird and rude about it. I have never been approached myself.

Imperburbable · 2024-11-20T12:16:40+00:00

Back when I was dating, I would ask out friends who I know I get along with and like. I would not randomly approach a stranger and ask for his number because I think a lot of guys would interpret that as a sign of definite sexual interest, and it can become uncomfortable if you then get to know them a bit and decide you don't want to sleep with them.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-11-20T06:21:34+00:00

I've asked dudes for their numbers after we talked at an event/party/in class.Never had an interest in approaching random people while out and about.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2024-11-20T14:08:54+00:00

Because when I go out, the last thing I’m looking for is to get a random stranger’s phone number.

SmokeySunDrops · 2024-11-20T15:46:21+00:00

I'm afraid a guy would just say yes out of desperation and only care about sex.

Oli_love90 · 2024-11-20T06:52:10+00:00

For me, it’s that I’m not really attractive so to assume some random guy likes me is laughable. Often guys feels uncomfy when an unattractive women even lightly flirts so I wouldn’t want to put anyone in that position. Additionally everyone out and about seems to be taken so even if I had a wild idea to approach, there’s not point.

The only scenario I’d try to reach out first is the apps but that would still be after we matched. But I wouldn’t continue to try if the conversation is dry and often times it is because guys tend to swipe on anything even if they’re not interested.

DoubleFistBishh · 2024-11-20T10:33:20+00:00

Because I get approached so much I don't feel the need to. Also because men don't always reject women they aren't into

NaturalQueer · 2024-11-20T15:39:42+00:00

I don’t like cold approaches so I wouldn’t do one, also I don’t trust asking out some random guy just cause he is cute.

I’ve been with my husband now for almost seven years. But before that I did ask guys out, usually friends or friends of people I know. If I was to be come single now, honestly as a bisexual woman I don’t think I would choose to date men, so if they were interested they would have to approach just cause I would be looking mostly for women partners. But who knows I am not against approach as a concept, and have always been a forward person.

ConsciousInternal287 · 2024-11-21T17:53:14+00:00

In my experience, men don’t like being approached or the ones I would be attracted to enough to approach generally don’t like me. I also dislike it when random men approach me (outside of social events), so why would I do that to someone else?

y2kjanelle · 2024-11-20T06:04:55+00:00

men are less interested when you pursue them. simple as that

IcyTrapezium · 2024-11-20T12:00:05+00:00

I do approach men but I never ask them out. I flirt and I hint. My reasoning for not asking men out is that men will agree to go out with women they aren’t interested in for the novelty of it. I assume if a man doesn’t take the opportunity to ask me out after I flirt with him that he either isn’t interested (most likely) or is too insecure to make a move. I don’t want an insecure man or a man who isn’t that interested.

Also, as other women said, I don’t have to. Men approach me.

I really think men underestimate how much women understand that many men will accept advances from a woman they aren’t even attracted to. I’ve heard my whole life men talking about sleeping with women they didn’t like or find attractive. Why would I put myself in that position by approaching men? If they want me, they often make it known. I have no good reason to change my behavior and many compelling reasons to not change it.

throw-away-h · 2024-11-20T12:21:35+00:00

As a woman the reason I no longer approach men is because I’m not physically attractive. I’ve accepted it, but men a kinda rude when rejecting someone who looks like a troll. People talk about how hard men have it when it comes to approaching women, but forget that unattractive women have the same experience

kalashhhhhhhh · 2024-11-20T07:12:44+00:00

Because I never had to. And I'm just not interested in men I don't know anything about.

Away_Sea_8620 · 2024-11-20T09:49:50+00:00

Because I'm married to some guy I approached years ago.

attendquoi · 2024-11-20T12:43:29+00:00

I don't date strangers, so there's no reason for me to walk up to random guys and show interest.

PradaAndPunishment · 2024-11-20T07:26:30+00:00

Because men will never stop approaching, and if they're willing to do so why would I bother and risk the humiliation of rejection?

𝅙 2. It would make me feel undesirable to have to approach a man when every woman around me doesn't have to.

𝅙 3. I prefer a relationship that's somewhat based on soft gender roles, so I'm not interested in performing aspects of the masculine role while already performing the feminine role.

𝅙 4. As a black woman, we're already perceived as masculine with higher testosterone and a higher libido to the point where it's assumed if we make the approach then sex is a done deal. Approaching men will confirm all of those stereotypes with any man I'm speaking to.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2024-11-20T05:39:37+00:00

Many men will accept a woman’s invitation to go out, date or even be in a relationship (even if he doesn’t see a future with her) just to have a chance at getting laid.
Men have to like the woman more than she likes him or he has high odds of attempting to cheat on her. One of the ways to know a man likes the woman more is he is willing to ask her out.
Many women are content staying single as more and more men offer a lower quality of life when settling for them than if the woman stayed single. So what incentive is there for women to risk their health and happiness asking out a man?

Xeltar · 2024-11-20T15:56:28+00:00

I don't approach random men because majority of strangers are not physically attractive enough to motivate me to. I have approached friends who I have felt a connection with and certainly have been turned down/unrequited too.

mashedturnip · 2024-11-20T05:54:07+00:00

Because it got me better results than approaching men

So I chose better

rosesonthefloor · 2024-11-21T13:26:54+00:00

I asked my fiancé for his number to send him his astrology birth chart I think 😂

We already knew each other by that point, but still.

Also I would regularly start the convo on dating apps and ask about activities, dates, etc., back when I was doing that. Honestly would just want to get to the point.

operajunkie · 2024-11-20T06:41:59+00:00

Because I see other women getting approached and it would make me feel pathetic to have to approach. Plus nobody ever likes me back so the odds aren’t good.

missmireya · 2024-11-20T05:51:40+00:00

Because I'm not a man. I want to be the one pursued, not the other way around. If I have to chase it's a massive turn-off for me and I won't even want the guy anymore.

Besides, most men have very few options...and many will take whatever they can get if they think it will lead to sex. Even if they find the woman unattractive, many men will still go along with her if she puts in the work chasing him.

My last ex had options and was picky, yet he chose me and pursued me. I prefer men like this.

RoseyButterflies · 2024-11-20T10:00:47+00:00

Gives way better results being approached.

If I feel like I have to approach a man, it's already game over.

Siukslinis_acc · 2024-11-20T12:03:58+00:00

I haven't met a man whom i wanted to romantically approach.

Gillionaire25 · 2024-11-20T07:00:30+00:00

Because then I wouldn't know which guys are the ones who like me enough to ask me out and I wouldn't have an easy way to find out.

S0yslut · 2024-11-20T06:09:18+00:00

There were a lot of reasons I didn’t approach men. In high school it was shyness/timidness. I wanted to be invisible, talking to people was antithetical to my goal.

College I was more social but the thought to approach men would not have occurred to me. I had plans with people most nights already. Between church/groups, studying and hanging out with friends I met men organically all the time there wasn’t a need to approach. I guess I would have considered it after I ran out of options.

6teeee9 · 2024-11-20T06:12:20+00:00

too scared

Gilmoregirlin · 2024-11-20T12:16:36+00:00

I do but I am of the older generation and would agree we talk to each other and approach each other more, no matter our gender. If women don’t approach men though it’s because we don’t want to? I mean that’s the answer we just don’t want to talk to you.

Whoreasaurus_Rex · 2024-11-20T13:00:43+00:00

The "why" was covered extensively in in this post/comments just a few days ago:

https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1gqc4ud/question_for_women_how_often_in_your_entire_life/

Professional-You1235 · 2024-11-20T16:48:32+00:00

Cause im a coward, lol

Tomridddle · 2024-11-20T10:06:42+00:00

Social anxiety, and I don’t need to since I’m a woman.

YippyYupYap · 2024-11-21T02:29:35+00:00

It’s a bit nerve racking and over the years men have pursued me but actually turn out to not like me at all like from the start- so I don’t. I don’t believe it’s worth it. Having a long term FWB is easier bc I know they don’t like me beyond the bed and there’s no pursuit for more.

child0light · 2024-11-21T03:37:22+00:00

I assume all men I interact with are taken so as not to accidentally cross boundaries or get lost in fantasy land. N/a on the dating apps.

SnooMarzipans6929 · 2024-11-21T04:11:30+00:00

If it makes you feel better i don't approach anyone and in public I just don't want people to talk to me unexpectedly. It stresses me out. This is why I like apps, I got to meet my boyfriend when I was ready on a pre established time when I was ready and willing - does that make sense?

Don't take it personal. Some of us are just socially anxious. Certainly not all, but some of us :)

buckeyetree · 2024-11-21T16:47:21+00:00

I used to approach men. Sometimes it was fine, sometimes it was great, sometimes it was awkward af. With dating apps I like to get to know the person for a few days before I ask them out. There it was like 50:50ish.

gothfrootloop · 2024-11-21T18:29:16+00:00

I’m not physically attractive so I have no confidence in there even being a possible yes and I stutter/use weird sentence structure when nervous (sounds like I’m having a stroke sometimes). I have approached in the past when I was more confident. If I know someone already, I can be quite aggressive with pursuing them if I like them. The problem is- I don’t know strangers, so I can’t do that.

Ineedtogetthisout97 · 2024-11-20T06:37:11+00:00

I don’t want to 🤷‍♀️ I’ve been celibate for 3 years.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2024-11-20T05:53:04+00:00

I have done in the past, I don’t any more as I’m happily married

EulenWatcher · 2024-11-20T06:04:19+00:00

I approached my school crush and got rejected. Then I wanted to get to know this guy from my university a bit closer…and he asked me out. We got married and we’ve been together for more than 10 years now.

I just didn’t really have any time for actually approaching a lot of people - I left the dating married when I was 16.

If I was single, I’d never cold approach or use apps though. I rarely feel attraction and as a rule only to people I know somewhat well, so neither method would make sense for me. I wouldn’t mind approaching a person from my social circle or seeking a company of someone who I was curious about.

TSquaredRecovers · 2024-11-20T13:00:22+00:00

I would never consider cold-approaching men who are strangers. However, I have been the one to initiate things with two of my exes, both of whom I already knew as friends.

SayuriKitsune · 2024-11-20T11:22:29+00:00

I didn't need to the majority of the time, they did

Excellent_Badger123 · 2024-11-20T11:35:07+00:00

In the olden days of my youth I was an approacher if I found a guy attractive enough in a social setting. It’s honestly how I met most of my LTR partners. OLD now in my elder years, I’m still pretty proactive about moving things along to a meet up if I like the guy I’m chatting with. I guess I don’t feel that bound to feminine gender roles. I’ve always preferred actively making a choice over passively waiting around for the right guy to approach me.

chalkandapples · 2024-11-20T18:37:49+00:00

Because I'm too shy to, and the same time enough guys take initiative so that I'm not often forced out of my comfort zone. I would have probably been more successful if I initiated more, but before it gets so bad that I force myself to initiate, often the guy would do so first.

PradaAndPunishment · 2024-11-20T07:22:36+00:00

Because men will never stop approaching, and if they're willing to do so why would I bother and risk the humiliation of rejection?
It would make me feel undesirable to have to approach a man when every woman around me isn't doing so.
I prefer a relationship that's somewhat based on soft gender roles, so I'm not interested in performing aspects of the masculine role while already performing the feminine role.

ConstanceVigilante · 2024-11-20T23:24:13+00:00

We do. We just approach our friends, not strangers.

ThatBitchA · 2024-11-20T05:36:07+00:00

I never used dating apps.

But I've approached many a men. For myself and for other women.

Plenty of women approach men. All the time. Especially in spaces where alcohol is involved.

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YourAverageRadish · 2024-11-20T10:33:48+00:00

I've always had at least a couple of guys interested in me in my social circle. And if I wanted someone specifically, I approached him. I've done a bit of online dating and blind date and I was the initiator. Now I'm married so no more approaching.

schrodingerscat94 · 2024-11-20T22:19:24+00:00

I don’t do cold approach per se but I’m forward in terms of showing affections towards men that I’m interested in. I have a high success rate with that approach. Happily married and still gives a ton of compliments to my husband on a daily basis.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2024-11-21T01:33:05+00:00

I’m not gonna ask somebody’s phone number based on physical attraction alone, I need to know a little bit about them to know if I’m interested in learning more about them.

I can appreciate an attractive person, without wanting to get to know them better.

Title	Why don't you approach men?
Author	MarianSenaris
Upvotes	57
Comments	452
Date	November 20, 2024 5:14 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1gvi5uj/why_dont_you_approach_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-dont-you-approach-men.1536327 https://theredarchive.com/post/1536327

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