Why do women dislike video games and men who play them ?

Sillysheila · 2024-08-23T01:34:27+00:00

My partner games.

I think that the reason some women dislike video games though is that some gamers choose games which are quite involved and don’t leave them much time to do anything else out of work/school.

On the marriage subreddit I frequent there are a lot of posts about women who are married to men that won’t do anything but play video games after work, if they have a baby or kid they don’t pay attention to them. I know that not all gamers are like this, but there are some that are. Some gamers find it all consuming and find it difficult to tear themselves away.

Healthy gamers that take breaks and have more balanced lives DO exist, I’m with a gamer like this. But I could see how the other type of gamer could be something that’s garnering a bad rap or is something people want to avoid.

Another thing is that gaming has a long term image problem. Boomers called gamers childish and insinuated that all games are for kids and non gamers often still hold this belief.

Due_Bumblebee6061 · 2024-08-23T02:15:38+00:00

Depends. The complaint I read most with regards to their partners playing video games is that they shirk their responsibilities and ignore their partners and play 6 to 9 hours a day.

I’m a woman and I play video games. I always have but when I got married, had children and opened my own business my game playing dwindled. I’m lucky if I can play for about hour most days usually not.

I wonder if part of that perception is the idea on some level that gambling can be exciting. There’s plenty of movies that portray gambling particularly poker as glamorous. Plus if you win, you get money. But video games have always suffered from the idea of a slob living in their mother’s basement. And even though it’s more mainstream now and we have Esports perception hasn’t changed much.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-08-23T03:12:38+00:00

I like video games just fine, I have an issue with excessive gaming.

Elliejq88 · 2024-08-23T01:29:09+00:00

Some men play excessively at the expense of their relationships and don't do any self improvement. Alot of men off of OLD apps have no hobbies outside of watching sports and playing video games. I'm a female gamer (not obsessively, one of many hobbies) and many would mansplain to me, or talk to me like my tastes suck if it didn't perfectly match theirs and expect me to adapt to them.

AngeCruelle · 2024-08-23T00:26:10+00:00

I have never met a woman in real life who is vehemently against men who game in any way, shape, or form. I find that men who ask these questions have a very specific idea of what counts as "real" gaming and then ask why women don't like that.

I am a very casual gamer and would only date a guy at the same level of casual. Not countless hours of yelling at strangers over a mic and overall just taking it way too seriously for my taste.

kerfufflewhoople · 2024-08-23T04:41:09+00:00

Because some guys who game will become so absorbed by their hobby it will take over literally their entire life. They don’t have any other hobbies, don’t do their share of chores and will trade quality time with their partner for a game session anytime.

Also, it’s impossible to talk to them like a normal human being when they’re gaming. You can go ask someone who’s painting or carpeting a question or tell them something. Try to do that with a gamer mid-game and you’ll be ignored like you don’t even exist.

ConanTheCybrarian · 2024-08-23T00:51:14+00:00

So why is this a big deal for women ?

It is a big deal for some women.

for others, it's only an issue when it interferes with connecting/ the relationship.

For yet others, it's not an issue at all.

Women say they want a man who has hobbies, why is playing video games not a legitimate hobby ?

Typically when women say they want men to "have hobbies" they mean they want men to do 4 things in having said hobby:

be social
Get offline/ go outside
learn a skill
Be passionate about something that's interesting to discuss

At best gaming meets 25-50% of that criteria. So-- that's why.

Women say they don't like traditional gender role, but tell men who play video games to "grow up" and "be a man"

Please share a statistically significant sample of the same women saying they hold both of these views at the same time

you can't because these are not the same women

plus- the "grow up" critique is not aimed solely at gaming but a whole lifestyle around it. If you are a fully functioning adult who can pay his bills, share equally in a partnership, connect emotionally with your partner, and manage your time and finances maturely then having gaming as a hobby is a nonissue.

it's the men who are 25+, spend all their time and money on gaming, have never bothered to grow or mature as a person and expect a woman to fit into their existing life- who those comments are directed at.

I feel like there is something deeper I am not getting

I agree.

^. ^edit ^typo

Professional_Chair28 · 2024-08-23T00:04:16+00:00

The women complaining about video games are not the ones complaining about gender roles lol

p_fulga · 2024-08-23T06:02:19+00:00

Unfortunately this question I can definitely say I'm outside the norm since I grew up playing video games and collecting them is a big hobby of mine.. but there's a lot of judgement that comes from men and women who don't play video games that treat it like "kid's games", kinda akin to the older folks who believe that all animation must be for kids.

And given that women are definitely a much smaller minority in gaming, more women with that perspective. Those types see it as childlike, and that is not an attractive quality. I'm baffled that anyone would say a gambler is more attractive but people are stupid so I can't really be that surprised I guess.

But yeah, that's what makes women who genuinely enjoy the hobby more attractive to a lot of guys, haha. And heck, I'm the same way, I won't even date anyone who doesn't share an interest in video games. I just make sure to vet they're not so addicted to it that it is causing problems.

nightsofthesunkissed · 2024-08-23T00:14:38+00:00

I have seen that making the rounds and am highly skeptical of its legitimacy.

I know just as many women who game as men, and no woman I know would consider gaming to be such a turn off, certainly not over gambling or some of the other options on that poll.

Ftr, I'm a gamer, and my partner is too. Shared interest in the same games was part of how we got together in the first place.

kayceeplusplus · 2024-08-23T00:16:51+00:00

These days you got to decide between a man who's side hobby is video games and corn

And a man who's side hobby is drugs and prostitutes

I'll choose the guy who's video games and korn, I mean, I guess.

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-08-23T00:28:29+00:00

I ha e no issue with a guy who games I play video games myself. I love Elden Ring and Soulsborne games. I play Overwatch.

But when you neglect everything for those videogames. Like your relationship/responsibilities for gaming. Then it's an issue. Go into thousands of dollars into debt for in game currency.

SandBrilliant2675 · 2024-08-23T00:14:59+00:00

(1) I think it’s a misconception that women dislike video games. Plenty of women play video games.

(2) Video games can be addictive. Part of video games design, whether intentional or not, is that they continuously release dopamine because you continuously are moving forward, beating challenges, finding or buying upgrades, trying to collect it all. This is especially true with games that continue to have updates to the story or game play, or serial release games. Similar to alcohol (which is a relatively slow addiction where tolerance and dependence is built up over time) chronic video game playing can lead to actual addictive behavior.

All addictions physiologically work on the same level, a pleasurable chemical is released in the brain in response to something, and over time you have to do more of that thing to get the same feeling.

Now, to put them on the same level as the life destruction that a drug or alcohol addiction can cause would be alarmist (so I’m not saying that), but like social media, video games artificially stimulate the brain and keeps the user coming back.

Any kind of addiction can put a strain on a relationship (obviously to varying degrees). But if your partner is blowing off responsibilities, blowing off quality time, spending all of their time engaging in this activity, it would be frustrating. I suppose if we were to say that women don’t enjoy video games, then I will use social media. If you came home from work and found you partner sitting on the couch scrolling from social media from when you got home until when you went to bed, everyday, day after day. You’d be frustrated, right?

I don’t think anyone should really have a problem with occasional video game playing to let off steam and relax or to play a new game. Obviously, not everyone who plays video games is an addict, but if you find yourself being more drawn to playing video games then anything else in your life, it’s worth taking a look at why you feel this way and whether you are spending a healthy amount of time playing.

Resources: https://americanaddictioncenters.org/behavioral-addictions/video-gaming-addiction

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10065366/

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Video_game_addiction

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/video-game-addiction?amp

Lysa_Bell · 2024-08-23T03:51:36+00:00

I met my husband on twitch. He was a streamer for a while too, so he played at least 6 hours a day as a full-time job. The difference is that he also balanced it out with sports and he always prioritized (and still does) our relationship. I don't care at all. I love video games. I even worked as a video game designer for a while.

Most women that complain about video games are not necessary talking about the gaming itself but about the moderation of it and how it's affecting their relationship and quality of life. Replace gaming with any other activity and ramp it up to spending 4 hours everyday on it. The relationship will suffered and the quality of living together will suffer.

It's not about the hobby itself - it's about the time invested into it.

throwaway000102030 · 2024-08-23T01:22:12+00:00

I don’t play video games at all but my bf does every single day. He only plays at night and after asking me if I need anything so it’s just our routine at this point. I like the me time anyway.

starksoph · 2024-08-23T01:22:15+00:00

My bf and I spend the majority of our free time playing video games together. I hear lots of girls on voice chat in the games we play too

TheCounsellingGamer · 2024-08-23T05:50:37+00:00

First of all I'm a woman who loves video games. I've got a high end gaming PC, PS5, Steam Deck, and Switch, so it's safe to say it's my main hobby. I'm also friends with lots of other women who game. I'm not sure where this idea that women don't game came from because just under 50% of gamers are women. Granted that is across all games, not just competitive shooters, but it still clearly shows that women enjoy games.

As for the second part of your question, I would disagree that the average women vehemently refuses to date a man who even looks at a video game. I think the problem is that video games can be addictive (and I say this as someone who has in the past, spent way too much time gaming). As far as hobbies go it's one of the easier ones to get sucked into. That's what most people have the problem with, not games themselves.

ohdiddly · 2024-08-23T09:34:17+00:00

Well I prefer men who play video games, since I love video games myself.

It’s historically been a boys club so less women are into gaming and are therefore less likely to see it as a cool hobby.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2024-08-23T04:54:10+00:00

Most of the women I know game (and no, not just mobile games). I think the issue comes from embodying the stereotypical capital G gamer that has literally no other hobby or interests and lives and breathes gaming. You find more men like that for some reason.

An ex of mine was such man. When we first met and I found he liked gaming, I was like "cool, me too", it wasn't until he got comfortable that it was revealed that by "liking" gaming, he meant playing them every waking hour he wasn't working and spending all of his earnings on microtransactions lol.

My now husband games, but he is balanced with it, never puts it before real life and we often play together.

Unhappy_Offer_1822 · 2024-08-23T00:19:35+00:00

im not sure i have nothing against video games though i myself dont really play them

toasterchild · 2024-08-23T15:25:25+00:00

I"m sure the guy who does nothing but gamble for 6-10 hours a day isn't getting lots of women just like the men who game a fuck ton dont. It would be very easy to have a gambling addiction but still only spend a small amount of time gambling. Casual game players don't have issues dating just like casual drinkers don't have issues dating. People who spend the majority of the time playing games aren't fun to spend time with and people who spend most of their free time drinking aren't fun to spend time with.

uglysaladisugly · 2024-08-23T16:34:05+00:00

Approx. Half of people playing video games are women. So I guess that your premises are wrong and based on stereotypes.

butagoodpersonality · 2024-08-23T19:12:10+00:00

It is a legitimate hobby but is much more pervasive and easier to do for long periods of time than other hobbies. It’s all about balance.

I think working out is an attractive hobby but if a guy did it 6 hours a day I would think that’s too much and taking time from other things he or we could be doing

It’s hard to work out 6 hours a day it’s quite easy to play video games 6 hours a day (ask me how I know lol)

Anything in excess is a problem. If my bf unwinds with video games for an hour or two at night no biggie

Mentathiel · 2024-08-23T20:41:14+00:00

I game and work in gamedev and have dated only gamers and all of my friends are gamers, so I'm probably not a good person to ask. But I'm gonna respond anyway because I'm an egomaniac lol.

I think gaming is a very widespread hobby, so it's one most women are most likely to run into in a partner or a sibling or something. It's way more common than gambling addiction for example. So I think the reason they hate it more than other things is just because they have more experience with it.

As for what the problem with gaming is... It can often be "addictive", I put that in quotes because I'm not sure would it be formally classified that way. But the point is, some games take hundreds of hours to complete. Gamers are known for waiting for their favorite hype train 120+h RPG to come out for years and then going off the grid for a long time to complete it. Bingey behavior is very common. This type of stuff is not appealing to potential partners who want your attention and don't want you mostly gone for weeks at a time obsessing over your favorite game.

On top of that, a lot of people play games in which frustration can be high. Thinking of MOBAs mainly here, but other games as well. Some people have ugly anger outbursts when gaming and get into a sour mood and get snappy at their partners.

And the third thing is gamer culture. It can be somewhat unfriendly to women in some regards. I don't want to open this whole can of worms tbh, just some women don't like the way gamers view or treat them.

I would say those three reasons are the most common for women who have prior experience with gamers.

There are also women who don't know shit about games and just want to enforce masculine gender role or would complain about any hobby you had because they want you 24/7 because of BPD or something.

Anyway, it's entirely possible to be a gamer and do it as a healthy hobby in moderation, have your life in order, be healthy, happy, and devoted to your partner, and not have any weird views or fetishization or whatever. These stereotypes are not entirely fair and are less and less true over time tbh. And I feel like the stigma is going away too slowly. More and more people game nowadays, it's no longer a hobby only for nerds and weirdos. It will just take time.

Motherofvampires · 2024-08-23T07:19:18+00:00

I don't have a problem with gaming unless it's excessive, but it isn't an especially attractive hobby for a non gamer because it's very unproductive. If a mans hobby is classic car restoration, for example, there is a tangible result that can be appreciated even by the non hobbyist.

Similarly most men would appreciate the results of a woman's hobby if it was creating art, or baking rather than scrolling on social media.

Gaming is also pretty immersive, so a lot of people will just ignore everyone when gaming and if this is hours everyday, then that's not good for a relationship. Although men who spend entire weekends cycling or golfing are also not available for a relationship either, it's not exclusive to gaming.

Novadina · 2024-08-23T01:28:29+00:00

I like video games. I don’t like gender roles and I don’t like the assumption that women don’t like video games. Some do and some don’t, just like any hobby.

I like a man who wants to play games with me so being into video games is preferable. But also who doesn’t have an addiction or compulsion problem with it and does other things with me as well. Some gamers do it for 8 hours a day and that doesn’t leave enough time to do other things so it’s too extreme for me. This goes for any hobby unless it’s also your day job (we have limited allocated freetime and have to be smart how we use it).

Tricky_Dog1465 · 2024-08-23T01:38:30+00:00

I don't care if my husband plays video games, I care if he stops picking up after himself and becomes a slob. I'm not picking up after him.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2024-08-23T00:44:43+00:00

The main reason that comes to mind is how men talk about women and to women in online games. Now that those games are streamed and posted online for everyone to see women get to hear exactly how much many of those men hate women. The audio of the chat in these games is extremely negative towards women so many women might fear that if the man they were thinking of dating plays video games he probably talks and thinks like that about women too but he is hiding it from her.

GridReXX · 2024-08-23T02:15:26+00:00

I’ve never see a woman bitch about video games about a bf or husband who is competent, attentive, responsible, and isn’t a dork.

flipsidetroll · 2024-08-23T05:45:18+00:00

I’ve never said I don’t like gender roles so stop saying “women”. And a gambling ADDICTION, implies a gaming ADDICTION, if you are comparing them. I have no problem with someone having a hobby but if that’s all they do in their spare time, do you think they would be much fun to be around, be social ? You answered your own question.

RelativeYak7 · 2024-08-23T00:32:05+00:00

My man doesn't play video games and still ignores me. Imagine if he played video games?! We'd never interact.

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labtech89 · 2024-08-23T00:33:28+00:00

I am a woman and play video games.

Lanaglu · 2024-08-23T06:34:41+00:00

I enjoy video games and couldn't believe it when I saw that one image with video games as a hobby apparently having a 90% unattractive rating.

I've read a contrasting study that says 72% of women play video games.

I don't think they are anywhere near as hated and this isn't a universal thing at all. I did have 1 person tell me that "video games as a hobby is a non-answer" and that's why it'd be unattractive, it's not that they are playing video games just that it implies they aren't doing anything else. But for the most part I think that 90% study just isn't accurate, or maybe it's very skewed towards older women.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-08-23T09:36:04+00:00

I don't think most care to be honest. I've never met a woman who gave a shit so long as it wasn't causing a legitimate problem (like playing games instead of doing chores or choosing them over spending any time with her or letting gaming ruin his sleep cycle). Which happens more than you'd think as gaming addiction is pretty widespread.

nemma88 · 2024-08-23T10:54:11+00:00

one study going viral claiming women find men with a gambling addiction more attractive then men who game.

Can anyone link to this because I can't find any reference?

Sadsad0088 · 2024-08-23T14:38:55+00:00

Videogames like porn can be an unhealthy coping mechanisms that rewards you with dopamine when no real achievement is happening.

I have no idea why it’s considered worse than gambling for some, it is certainly something that can be done without immediate repercussions thus can be kept going for longer.

I love videogames and have had some addiction issues in the past so I understand.

False-Purple3882 · 2024-08-23T14:46:38+00:00

Not all women dislike video games. Some of us actually play them ourselves.

Diamond-Breath · 2024-08-23T15:16:24+00:00

I play videogames too so I would actually find it attractive. What would certainly bother me is ignoring all the household chores and our time together in favor of playing videogames.

TheMedsPeds · 2024-08-23T18:33:48+00:00

I play video games not a whole lot but the thing about “gamer” dudes that sucks is unlock other hobbies, some guys will literally game every waking second they are home. Obviously not all guys are like this. But it can happen. My ex would get off of work in Sunday at 6:00 and then game basically non stop until Monday when he had to go back to work. He never wanted to do anything else. And if he was online with headphones speaking to him was next to impossible. If you date a man like this. Unless makes a shit ton of money where you don’t have to work or hire a made. Your relationship is basically gonna exist in title and that’s it. He won’t spend time with you. He won’t help with you. It’s like dating a teen boy. I won’t even do it again. I won’t refuse to date a gamer. But the second I see hints he’s one of the “gaming addict” types. I’m out.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2024-08-23T18:47:24+00:00

There is a difference between going out and enjoying a hobby - and then there is video games. And don’t get me wrong - I’ve played several hundred hours of BG3, I also game.

The issue arises when they play mainly single player games, or games with the bros on headset and it’s for hours a day, every day, well into the night, leaving you feeling entirely ignored. It’s not like hanging out on the couch and watching a movie together - he’s entirely disengaged from life with you. I can’t interrupt, half the games he can’t pause, and he doesn’t hear me when I speak to him. It’s sad when you request a bid for attention from your partner and they ignore you entirely. It’s one of John Gottman’s horsemen of divorce. Plus it’s the length of time. It’s not just an hour - it’s 4pm to 2am on workdays and 10am to 4am on weekends. It’s impossible to be an involved partner or parent when 100% of your mental energy is going to a video game.

Once in a while is fine. But guys will swear up and down they’ve only been on “for an hour” and it’s been 4. I know time flies when I’m playing - it’s how I know they don’t know how long they’ve actually been online. I’ve experienced it. An hour feels like 10 minutes. 10 hours feels like 2. And when you’re called out, you’re like no way! And some men refuse to believe they actually sat down to play once they got home. It’s a weird cognitive dissonance thing.

To be fair - I have the exact same issue with someone who spends all day in the garage working on a car, or someone who has a hobby that is away from me for the majority of our days, for the majority of the day. I’m someone who actually likes my partner, and I want to spend time with them. A few days a week apart is great. He plays video games and I’m doing crafts or in my plant room. But when it’s always, all day and it’s always a fight? Nah. Just not for me.

The reason gambling can be seen as “more attractive” is because 1- most people have never actually been with a gambling addict. It’s easy to glorify it when you haven’t experienced it. It seems like “oh well sometimes he loses money but sometimes he wins!” They don’t see he isn’t just spending his money - he’s spending the rent, the utilities, the groceries, kids clothes, doctors appointments money and borrowing and accruing debt he can never pay off. He’s chasing a high. He’s lying. He’s hiding shit from you. And he’s always somewhere he can gamble. It’s just like being with a heroin addict. 2- Most women have experienced how detrimental gaming addiction/preference to it is and how it can degrade the relationship- that personal experience makes it “worse” because they’ve learned their lesson and won’t do it again. 3- I do think there is something to do with the appearance of having money to gamble. But again - most of them don’t. They’re tens if not hundreds of thousands in debt. It’s a grass is greener thing. Video game addiction is more prevalent than gambling addiction. So we see video games as worse when they both suck. Just like they’re both fine in moderation. And it all depends on your lifestyle, your relationship, and how you like to interact with your partner. I have a friend who sits on the couch all day or parties. There is no in between. So her husband is free to do basically whatever all day long. I can’t live like that. I like my partner. He’s my friend. We enjoy hobbies and outings together. We like time apart but not every day or even most days. Some people like to be together constantly. It all just depends on you, and the other person. I think it’s easier to find a relationship somewhere in the middle. But if you want to hold out for your gamer gf - do it. But there is good reason why most people are against too much of anything, especially video games.

doggiedoc2004 · 2024-08-23T20:06:42+00:00

Im a woman. LOVE video games, played a lot as a teen and even play as an adult in my 40s. (average 2-10 hours a week. I even beat Elden ring) I don't mind a guy who enjoys a bit of gaming. BUT life, kids, house, work, social interaction must take priority. If a guy (or gal) is playing hours a day all week long...thats just stupid and a waste of time. If we are talking 5-10 hours a week that is fine. Real gamers that stream and spend all day on games are losers for the most part. Life, partnership with your sig other, kids and household must be prioritized.

OddWish4 · 2024-08-23T22:06:29+00:00

Because gaming is just another addiction, and it’s created to hijack the dopamine system. I think gambling might be seen as more attractive because it’s social?

Addiction to anything isn’t great in a relationship.

sahara-storm · 2024-08-24T07:19:47+00:00

lots of men cant seem to play video games without turning into addicts, also playing video games isn't a hobby, thats like calling "watching tv" a hobby. a hobby is productive and self-improving. i play video games sometimes, its not a hobby, its an indulgence/entertainment.

one study going viral claiming women find men with a gambling addiction more attractive then men who game

well these women are just insane, even being a video game addict is an improvement over a gambling addict......

Women say they don't like traditional gender role, but tell men who play video games to "grow up" and "be a man"

well i am not a feminist and i absolutely believe in traditional gender role and seeing all these men skipping school to play games all day makes me literally want to tell them to grow up and be a man

CherryPieAlibi · 2024-08-28T05:32:46+00:00

Every man I’ve dated is a gamer. It’s a pretty common male interest. I don’t dislike it I’m just not interested in it. The same way my fiancé isn’t very interested when I show him hair/makeup/outfits. I can see how it can be unattractive for active women. Because it’s not like most guys like for like an hour. No, usually they’re on there for 4+ hours. Like a part time shift or more on the game. And I think it makes someone women subconsciously think “deadbeat/lazy man”. And that’s unattractive to women the same way a gold digging woman might be unattractive to a man

Artistic_Bumblebee17 · 2024-08-23T02:14:30+00:00

I just think it’s childish. It reminds me of my brothers. I also get the impression they won’t lift a finger either.

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-08-23T02:04:55+00:00

There is a stereotype of male gamers being sexist af, or otherwise assholes.

I used to be super into a particular FPS, and when I was, I happened to be courting a few guys who all happened to be into the same game (not at the same time- there were two, I went with one, we broke up a year later, then there were the other two, and I didn't end up going with either of them).

Of the four of them, the one I went with was the only one who was very patient and reasonable in the game, and wouldn't become a salty, toxic mess if things didn't go his way.

SaBahRub · 2024-08-23T03:18:40+00:00

Because they’re played excessively

apresonly · 2024-08-23T15:12:25+00:00

its escapism/dissociating so not really healthy unless its in moderation, which is rare

same reason some people don't wanna date drinkers or people who smoke pot every day

Title	Why do women dislike video games and men who play them ?
Author	IH8YTSGTS
Upvotes	43
Comments	383
Date	August 22, 2024 11:48 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1eyyaxb/why_do_women_dislike_video_games_and_men_who_play/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-women-dislike-video-games-and-men-who-play.1528062 https://theredarchive.com/post/1528062

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