Why do single men over 40 desire relationships/partners more than single women over 40?

prostate-apostate · 2021-06-19T00:47:21+00:00

Woman have much greater social networks. So they are rarely ever lonely. Man on the other hand might have 1 it 2 friends if they are lucky. So getting a wife is way of securing a way out of loneliness. Also unless you are a high value who choose to reject marriage . Most men wish and would want to get married. Some no it can't happen.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-06-19T03:35:35+00:00

Speaking as a 35 y/o woman in a relationship...the older I've gotten, the more I've come to the conclusion that most men simply aren't worth the effort. My partner is amazing, and if he left me or died tomorrow I'd probably be single for the rest of my life. I just have so much else I can put my energy into.

groovygirl858 · 2021-06-18T22:28:34+00:00

Doesn't this push against the narrative of men on Youtube that say women "die alone" by not choosing a partner in time so they end up perpetually seeking one? It seems that these over 40 women prefer to be cat ladies more so than men who are actively seeking a partner (not casual). Why the discrepancy?

It does push against that narrative because that narrative is based on a revenge fantasy instead of reality.

I think the discrepancy between men and women on this issue is complex and not the result of one particular reason. This chart shows the reasons given by ages 50 and up, regarding why they were not seeking a relationship. Chart

Looking at the reasons given, the study noted that men and women pretty much agreed on the reasons why they were not seeking a relationship except for one category. From the study:

"Men and women see eye to eye on almost all these reasons for not looking to date. The one exception is that male non-daters are about twice as likely as female non-daters to say that feeling like no one would be interested in dating them is a major reason they’re not looking to date (26% of men say this compared with 12% of women)."

Given men and women mostly agree on why they are not seeking a partner, it is interesting that more older men seek partners than older women. It seems to me that women are more put off relationships by their life experiences as they age, whereas men are more likely to still desire a partner despite negative experiences with previous partners.

cowfishAreReal · 2021-06-18T21:54:37+00:00

Probably because marriage is more stressful for women than for men

https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/2010/gender-stress

https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/marriage-and-mens-health

Nation_of_Two · 2021-06-18T22:31:07+00:00

I knew single women (usually divorced) in their forties who said they were done with men because "all the good ones are taken" and they were just tired of the whole thing. I never felt that way and I am happily coupled up with a guy I met at age 44, but many women seem worn out from crappy relationships. My best friend was "done with men" after her divorce but she eventually came around and is married again. It depends on the woman.

But men are lonelier and have fewer friends so they want someone to talk to.

simeneta_two · 2021-06-18T21:51:42+00:00

The women who are satisfied being 40+ and single are divorced or out of really long LTRs. They’ve already done the cohabitation and (possibly) kids thing and don’t have much of an incentive to do it again. Hell I’m only 28 and if my husband died tomorrow I would likely never want to marry or live with a man again. “Husband material” men are rare and most of the time the juice isn’t worth the squeeze.

Women who are old and bitter likely never achieved the relationship milestones they wanted. However I don’t think these women are common. I’ve only met one in my life.

Men are always open to dating because they’re thirsty and a relationship is the only way most of them will get consistent sex. Men also often rely on their partners for their social lives.

BikePersonDotCom · 2021-06-18T21:46:51+00:00

Men have a higher sex drive, and want someone to manage their shit for them as they get older. A lot of them also still think they have a chance with the younger audience, while women are usually not that delusional.

Women probably just can't be fucked to bother at that age.

IntegrityDJones · 2021-06-18T21:59:05+00:00

This study actually came out a while ago on the Science subreddit, and it confirmed things I’ve been saying. That threat men give us of dying alone is projection on their end. Women are fine. We know how to build relationships with one another and support one another without calling it gay. I’m 35. Zero interest in a LTR and I rather chew glass than get married. I’ve taken to dating and talking to men younger than me because every man my age wants to settle down and I don’t. Quite the contrary because every man wants to scream and yell at me how I’ll be begging them to settle down and it’s the other way around. Same with all the women my age I know (anecdotal I know), they’re either already happily married or they have zero desire for a LTR or marriage. The only people who think I can’t possibly be happy are men my age who are lonely and unhappy. It’s projection. They thought they would turn mid 30s and women would be throwing themselves at them and that’s not the case. For the women still looking for a relationship my age, they find most of these men want a woman who’s basically their bangmaid and willing to also go half on the bills so as not to seem like a gold digger. And they rather stay alone, than work all day and come home and cook and clean for someone who also expects them to hop on their dick, and expects them to be grateful for their presence.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2021-06-19T00:33:43+00:00

I have friends that are in their 40s that are single and they choose to stay that way , keeping separate homes and visit each other , and then go their own way till they see each other again , they do not want the responsibility of cleaning up after somebody again , or dealing with their kids, a lot of people that are single over 40 have already been married , already had kids and they want their freedom to come and go as they please male and female.

Believe it or not one of the highest age groups for STDs are people that are 50 plus because they're having sex with people and they're not worried about reproducing. 😳😂

Any man I know that's over the age of 40 if he hasn't gotten it together by 40 he doesn't want to get married, and most women I know that are single like I said previously we're already in ltr's and had kids and everything.

sunologie · 2021-06-19T08:06:59+00:00

Because women are sick of men’s shit and don’t need men- and are often happier without them. The opposite is true with men, that’s why I laugh when men try to use the “you’ll be alone forever!” Insult against women as if it’s a woman’s greatest fear- in reality it is a man’s greatest fear.

thetruthishere_ · 2021-06-18T22:06:13+00:00

I think a factor is some men are looking for a 'caretaker' and cant be alone. Hes wants someone to feed him, make Dr appointments for him, remember his moms birthday, etc.

Divorced/widowed men tend to get remarried way faster than women within a couple of years. There are some studies somewhere about this.

Im in the 40+ range and dont care about dating. My life is full, a man would just be an addition, he has to add to my life. We should add to each others.

Also reality, most women die alone married/in a relationship or not, we outlive men. The troupe "enjoy your cats you'll die alone" its such cope from bitter men.

Edit, you all want to point out Im an escort when nothing I said was untrue. LOL Me escorting has nothing to do with my post.

GridReXX · 2021-06-19T00:23:25+00:00

What do you think?

Men project their fears onto women. Women know this which is why they are unmoved when a man says, “that’s why you’re 39 and single!!!!!!😤😡.”

Threatening her with a good time isn’t a threat. She’s not reacting to that unsolicited insult and thinking, “I guess I should date this rage-fueled man then!”

Women will always rather be single than in a relationship that doesn’t grant her peace. Men like sex so they’ll accept disrupted peace because maybe “she may let him fuqq.” The peen on its own ain’t worth the squeeze for women. She wants a man she actually likes who actually likes her.

Especially when bachelorship for men is idealized so much?

Because men don’t desire bachelorhood.

They desire polygamy: a main woman / main women who take care of him and have his legacy + many other women he can fuck at his discretion. Ideally he would like all of those women to be sexually exclusive to him. That’s the male “ideal.”

Why the discrepancy?

At the end of the day men desire romantic companionship, and probably more so than women.

Not just because of “thirst,” but also because they don’t seem to get any form of emotional validation or caretaking from their own male friends and male family members. Their mom and female partner seem to be their only source for that.

Women rely on close female friends and family members for the bolded more readily IME.

And women don’t seem to desire to do the daily caretaking role as much as men wish she did.

IcarusKiki · 2021-06-18T22:00:31+00:00

Because being a wife takes energy that a lot of senior women do not have. Managing your husbands social life, chores etc etc. While being a husband is easy when you have retirement and don’t have to work or do husbandly duties. Men also want consistent sex bc at that age dating and gaming women takes too much energy.

DenethorsManners · 2021-06-19T04:43:45+00:00

I think the difference in the data likely stems from differences in heteronormative dating behavior. If a woman is not actively dating she can still be approached by suitors in any public setting, as men present and women choose. Perhaps the women surveyed would be open to a potential mate who pursued them but simply aren't "in the game" so to speak. It may not necessarily mean they have no intentions of ever dating or being in a relationship again. Conversely, if a man is not actively dating there is an astronomically lower chance he will be approached by an interested female suitor. Especially if he is over 40.

Also worth noting that having children is one of the biggest incentives to date and seek relationships. A single man over 40 is still perfectly capable of fathering biological children and starting a family with a fertile partner (in married couples the husband is 5 years older than the wife, on average) while a woman over 40 attempting to carry a child is considered a geriatric pregnancy which comes with serious medical concerns, for both the mother and child.

Ladyofblades · 2021-06-19T08:09:59+00:00

Older women get fed up with having to take care of men who don’t grow up plus they have more friends

gostosaatleta · 2021-06-18T21:45:00+00:00

Because at 40 men know that it’s hard to find a woman to put up with their shit unless they groom someone younger and naive.

At 40 women already know how full of shit men are

milkyymochii · 2021-06-18T23:39:46+00:00

Aren’t single women happier than women in relationships?

Barneysparky · 2021-06-18T22:13:33+00:00

At my age, I know a lot of women who have decided to not cohabitate.

In my generation household chores are generally women's work, so much so that women get flack even from other women for not cooking and cleaning "for your man". My best friends husband used to be a chef and loves cooking, she still gets flack from her SIL for not fulfilling that role.

While I personally enjoy being a housewife first and my job a distant second I probably wouldn't if my husband expected dinner on the table at 5 nightly and left a trail of stuff I had to clean up behind.

If you really want to know watch All in the Family and ask yourself if you would trade places with Edith. Granted I wouldn't want to be Archie either.

wtknight · 2021-06-18T23:22:04+00:00

Why the discrepancy? Especially when bachelorship for men is idealized so much?

Women are more likely to collectively be disappointed by men at 40+. 40+ men can't really benefit sexually from bachelorhood like they could when they were younger since they're old now, so they prefer to have the steady sex that comes from a monogamous relationship. Single older women, like all women, can have casual sex whenever they want or find an FWB easily, and their need for consistent sex is lower, so the need for a relationship is also not going to be there.

sorathecrow_ · 2021-06-19T00:48:10+00:00

If a woman has made it to 40 and doesn't have someone it's because she doesn't want someone. Guys inherently want women more than women want men, it's why we have the dating app dilemma and the chaser/chasee dichotomy

neetykeeno · 2021-06-19T03:06:02+00:00

Cos they have caught a whiff of the stink of their own mortality and look for a woman to carry the day, using up the rest of her good years to take care of his bad years.

DarkReviewer2013 · 2021-06-19T08:29:15+00:00

The men likely have higher sex drives at that point in their life cycle. Plus children are no longer an option for women by that stage, so unless they're interested in adopting a family is out. Women also tend to be more intimate with their female friends and this provides an emotional outlet than men don't have with their middle-aged, frequently settled buddies.

godandgoddess · 2021-06-19T00:35:04+00:00

Now I don’t know how common this is but if I were to ever get divorced or have my future husband die early I don’t think I’d really want to get into a relationship again. I just want to get married once. I don’t want kids so that probably makes a difference. I just want to experience true love once in my life. Again I’m not certain if that’s common enough among women (and uncommon enough among men) to really make that big of a difference.

ninetiesbaby16 · 2021-06-19T08:27:07+00:00

Men are really really high maintenance: especially the ones over 40. They’ve never had to look after themselves because they are used to women doing it for them. That’s just in terms of housework, cooking, doctors appointments and in general being their secretary. On top of that men don’t cultivate or maintain social supports so they might have one drinking buddy but that’s it. So their woman has to be everyone to them and fulfil the role of an entire family and friendship group for him. It’s harsh but what woman would sign up for that? Especially when they get so little back?

Kaisha001 · 2021-06-18T23:33:09+00:00

I didn't look too deep at the numbers, but I'd like to see the actual #s as opposed to just percentages.

My guess (and nothing more at this point) would be that there are more single men, and fewer single women, which might lead to skewed %s.

Banned_BY_SOYMEN · 2021-06-19T04:25:03+00:00

Women by that age have already had whatever kids they were going to have.

Idesmi · 2021-06-19T05:48:57+00:00

Men generally have no intimate/close friends, differently from most women.

M4sterDis4ster · 2021-06-19T10:14:46+00:00

There is not enough high quality men in western societies.

gumnut__ · 2021-06-19T01:29:32+00:00

Women over 40 have usually already been married and had any children they're going to have. They've achieved what they "needed" a man for, and are probably more interested in looking after their kids than caring for another husband. I think once the kids move out you'd probably see them dating for companionship again

alberto-hoff · 2021-06-19T06:05:12+00:00

It's easier for women to have their needs met outside of a relationship.

They can have emotional connections and closeness with their friends and family members. They're less thirsty for sex but when they need it, finding a fuck buddy is incredibly easy for them.

I'm seeing a nice bloke, but at thirty I've never tried to be in a relationship because they're not that important to me. This just fell on my lap.

rich_man_88 · 2021-06-18T22:17:15+00:00

Women who are 40+ have already had their share of the dating market, ridden the cock carousel and decided that they’ve had enough fun.

Single men in their 40’s still have hope to experience some sort of romantic experience, either a hookup, casual dating etc

ToughAnswers · 2021-06-18T22:02:08+00:00

tryna get that dick wet

midwestufohunter · 2021-06-18T21:52:00+00:00

Because women date men, so of course they lose interest.

Men get to date women.

If god would have made me a lesbian like he should have, I would be a lifetime dater too. Instead, I retired at 35.

"Doesn't this push against the narrative of men on Youtube that say women "die alone" by not choosing a partner in time so they end up perpetually seeking one? "

That is interesting. 🤔🥰

DiscussionReader · 2021-06-18T23:01:29+00:00

Did you copy my original post from r/AskWomenOver30? I'm flattered!

I mantain that the difference is to be attributed primarily to menopause which deeply stunts women's sex drive and in most cases totally kills it, women have no reproductive value at that point and feel less drive to find parnters. I say this because the difference between men and women looking for relationships becomes apparent exactly at the age of 50 which is the average age of menoupase.

Look at this GRAPH

Source (2015).

This doesn't debunk the wall, if anything it reinforces the idea behind it. The Redpill wall is a 30 - not 50 - at that age women still have reproductive value but need to hurry up in their search for a partner because their ferility window is shortening, this is why women start going after betabuxxers at this age.

reluctantly_red · 2021-06-19T06:49:46+00:00

Sometimes statistics and data don't mean shit. Older women are encouraged to parrot the "I don't need a man" line. They can take that position without damaging their chances of actually finding a man or having casual relationships. Women say they don't want relationships when they're not in one and then turn around and say relationships are everything when they are. It's a self-esteem mechanism. Basically, you have to expect single women to say they're not looking for a relationship.

HelloMudderHello · 2021-06-18T23:11:46+00:00

The reason is simple: single men over 40 can still attract decent partners. They can still find early 30s women who want them. Some still up for having kids.

Women over 40: not so much. They either get used for sex by MILF-obsessed porn addicts in their 20s or have to date 60-year-old losers who think they’re hot shit because they have a couple of hundred grand in their 401k.

I’m a guy in my 40s and I’ve dated women in their 40s. There’s something so sad and despairing about a woman beyond the wall where the Wildlings are. It’s like they’re perpetually grieving their beauty. The drop off in attractiveness a woman has between 35 and 45 is so startling it’s cruel. I honestly can’t imagine sleeping with a woman who’s 50. Going to need a lot of Viagra.

WomenHavItHarder · 2021-06-18T22:15:52+00:00

Women who are still single at 40 are likely women who overvalue themselves. They have come to the realization that men, who can live up to their standards, will not settle for them. It’s also too late for them to have kids so that also deters them from seeking a relationship. Men over 40 can still have kids so they have more incentives to find a relationship.

iiiinfinityyyy · 2021-06-18T23:24:38+00:00

Women are irreparably damaged by then. They carry so much baggage and trauma from failed relationships that they couldnt meaningfully bond even if they tried.

Men on the other hand can.

Might sound bad, but the pretext is that men are assholes lol

Squiddy-the-wise · 2021-06-18T22:27:46+00:00

The only men wanting marriage are the ones who are divorced. Because they are dumb.

The women over 40 probably already got their ex husband’s money along with that monthly check so they milk that since money is the only reason women get married.

SonicBackScratcher · 2021-06-18T22:38:17+00:00

Pro-Tip 40 year old men are looking for 30 year old women.

40 year old women are sol unless they want 50+ men (as a rule).

This is my hypothesis for the break after the 30's.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2021-06-19T02:39:39+00:00

+40 average men struggle at dating, like pretty much every average men at any age bracket while +40 women can easily find any guy to pump and dump her.

On the other hand, +40 men are happier than +40 women so there is that too.

Robotemist · 2021-06-19T01:18:11+00:00

Any study that involves any woman over 30 can't be trusted.

Men live in reality and women live in validation fantasies. Women after they get a certain age and realize their hopelessness enter a stage of putting on the happily single facade to mask their relationship failures.

_lemazaki · 2021-06-18T21:48:54+00:00

because men like to.................................. chat. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
women not so much.

just_a_place · 2021-06-19T00:16:34+00:00

Because those single men over 40 are the previous generation of men who were taught that their life has no meaning if they are not devoting themselves to a woman while simultaneously those women over 40 are of the generation that were taught that they need no man.

Let's just see what will happen when Millennials and Gen Z reach their 40's in the future. Younger men have no desire to be involved in relationships. Those men who are over 40 right now believed all their lives that they need a woman and to be in a relationship in order to be happy. My generation simply does not believe that.

Also, men just in general have a reproductive drive for pretty much our entire lives. So it is obvious that men in their 40's will still want to shack up while women of that same age have no desire for it since they are nearing menopause. This also fits the reality of older men seeking younger women and younger women seeking older men due to their status and resources.

mechanical_elves · 2021-06-18T22:39:35+00:00

It's because men in their 40s don't want to commit to women in their 40s. A lot of the women in their 40s who are still single just give up and decide on cats and wine is actually a lot more rewarding.

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Smooth_Potato_4014 · 2021-06-19T05:32:53+00:00

Men almost universally need to be in a relationship to get intimate sex.

Women don't.

awealthypauper · 2021-06-19T05:48:57+00:00

Keep in mind that what people say and what they actually want are almost never the same.

FreierSteinkopf · 2021-06-19T05:55:33+00:00

Men get happier with age and the opposite is true for women. Men and women are roughly equal when it comes to being happy as a single (women are slightly happier alone). The reason might be something else like kids or something.

dres_sler · 2021-06-19T07:03:33+00:00

This thread is depressing af lmao

NICHIJOU2411 · 2021-06-19T08:29:13+00:00

I’m really glad Reddit does not mirror the real world.

0seagirl · 2021-06-19T10:44:15+00:00

For me, knowing that even men over 40 still find 20 year olds the most desirable, I just don't want to push myself through the strain of being with a man while constantly have to live in that knowledge. I've already seen these kinds of insecurities take a toll on my female friends over 40.

I'm 34 and it's already tiring enough still bothering with shallow concerns about aging, cellulite, sagging, wrinkling, and how physically attractive I am to my boyfriend. It just takes so much out of you over the years.

I love my current partner, but if anything happened to the relationship and we broke up, I highly doubt I'd want another relationship in my life. I quite like the idea of being by myself.

goatismycopilot · 2021-06-19T11:43:20+00:00

More than one reason. They still want sex and if they have had what they view as a successful or happy relationship they want the comfort that relationship brought. Some do not have close ties with other men and even if they do those relationships look much differently anyway. Some might want to start another family. Some just want a partner to plan their life and make sandwiches. Some might want the ego validation of a partner. I do not think men over 40 necessarily all have the same reasons.

MasterTeacher123 · 2021-06-19T12:03:38+00:00

For most men the only way they can get consistent ass in a relationship. They’re failures in the casual sex market.

PoliticsIsBroken · 2021-06-19T12:28:57+00:00

Men have a much higher sex drive, this isn't surprising.

Heinz37_sauce · 2021-06-19T13:20:15+00:00

How one interprets a statement like “not currently looking for a relationship” depends on the the context of the leading question. Haven’t we all been on the receiving end of a such a statement from someone who had a GF/BF not long after?

Teflon08191 · 2021-06-19T13:41:29+00:00

Because by that age they generally have enough money to justify having a prostitute on retainer and figure "why not?"

Willow-girl · 2021-06-19T13:44:13+00:00

The men want someone to pick up their dirty socks.

The women are tired of picking up men's socks.

Whitecoatburnout · 2021-06-19T14:16:30+00:00

I think women, at least, get older and wiser. I watched two of my close friends bury their husbands last year, and both of them seemed relieved to get the cheating weasels out of their lives. I also read a post on social media asking if anyone else had buried a spouse and not cried and the conclusion was, most widows are just glad to get it over with.

AbsolutelyNobody0 · 2021-06-18T23:45:36+00:00

It's over for women over 40. There's no hope for them to create a family. Either they've had kids or they never will.

Men over 40 are basically similar to most 30 year old women. It's time to start looking to make that family.

Nymphomaniac12345 · 2021-06-19T20:47:19+00:00

Because they expect a free maid plus half their expenses paid? Seriously, listening to my uncle (boomer) when he gets a new girlfriend makes me want to throw up. “Finally a woman in the house, finally good home cooked food, finally someone to clean up”. Ah so that means she doesn’t work and you pay for everything? Nope, she also pay half of all expenses. lol, no thanks.

owta_this_world · 2021-06-20T04:14:08+00:00

"Men are like dogs, they are lost without an owner"

Some woman somewhere

DplusLplusKplusM · 2021-06-19T17:02:10+00:00

Most studies reveal that women have wider and more intense friendship circles and these remain throughout their lives. Men in general have fewer friends and less intense levels of involvement with those friends. So the short answer might be that women can get what they need (emotional support) from platonic relationships whereas men might only feel they can get that from a romantic association with a woman.

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-06-19T01:43:03+00:00

Peri-Menopause.

mindsanitizer · 2021-06-19T14:36:16+00:00

One big factor is probably Menopause. When women hit Menopause their sex drive takes a major drop and their ability to enjoy PIV is often reduced or eliminated. So they will get less out of a relationship with a man, and have less to offer a man they do want a relationship with.

2021-06-19T15:23:01+00:00

My guess is the women are all relationshiped out.

While the men are still hoping.

Remember women start the game 10 to 20 before men, so its reasonable they might give up 10 to 20 years before men.

g0juice · 2021-06-19T17:06:35+00:00

New women every week are expensive.

Icy_Consideration905 · 2021-06-20T00:23:18+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMrHIIx3ZG8 leave that here and quietly go back to my cave!! (it's jesus ,it's mark rudov )

ffbtaw2 · 2021-06-20T00:23:26+00:00

One of the biggest draws for marriage among women is security for their children. For the most part women over 40 can't have children while men over 40, for the most part, can.

Sid_Insidious · 2021-06-20T00:47:07+00:00

I divorced in my early 40's. I am now in my 50's.

I've been single ever since.

Brother also still single since his divorce.

My three friends, two never married, one divorced, all single.

Methinks the ladies are overestimating how needed/wanted they are...

Pastelitomaracucho · 2021-06-20T02:04:53+00:00

Women give up on idea sooner. Men still keep hopes.

0112358f · 2021-06-22T03:10:49+00:00

I don't know but I will point out that one possibility is that older women drop out of the dating market because they lack options.

Older employed men can generally find women to date somewhat more easily then they could when young so if they are interested in dating they can easily do so. Some older women also date easily but some definitely do not.

The data seems to suggest who is trying to date and doesn't ask why not if the answer is no.

SwinginPastMyKnees_ · 2021-06-19T14:37:11+00:00

To directly answer your post question:

Above a certain age, women no longer have any leverage to attract a "good" man for commitment/relationships. She can still get sex, but most of the relationship-minded men she will attract are not up to her standards. The men are still hopeful because they (assuming they have their health/fitness/finances in order) are in the position to attract women whom they find attractive.

Why do single men over 40 desire relationships/partners more than single women over 40?

Comments

NOTALLMEN!!!1

Title	Why do single men over 40 desire relationships/partners more than single women over 40?
Author	healththrow345
Upvotes	67
Comments	916
Date	June 18, 2021 9:42 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/o30zlx/why_do_single_men_over_40_desire/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-single-men-over-40-desire.784983 https://theredarchive.com/post/784983