How many men here who fear an embarrassing rejection have actually experienced an embarrassing rejection? And women, have you ever rejected a man in a humiliating manner?

Dishonouronmycow2 · 2024-05-16T13:12:54+00:00

I’ve been mocked and laughed at not in rejection but just for my appearance rather than the other way around. I would never ask anyone out for this reason and I’m always polite in rejection because I know how humiliating it can be to be mocked

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2024-05-16T12:16:06+00:00

I've never rejected someone in a rough way. However, I've had a couple of rejections from men that were bad. Not embarrassing, but I've had one guy try to punch me for "daring" to ask him out, and I've had a guy screaming at me for asking. I've also had a guy try to pick me up and walk off with me when I said no, and I've had one who followed me home screaming that I was a "mean little cunt". I had to get my then boyfriend to meet me on the street because he tried to pick me up while I was walking home from work.

Planthoe30 · 2024-05-16T12:12:13+00:00

The only times I have embarrassed men I rejected is if they began harassing me. Once I was visiting my sister and we went to a bar, i got approached by a man with his kid, he tried to use his kid as leverage to get me to talk to him. I told him I was married, and I didn’t have my ring on because I was traveling. He said “I’m just trying to teach my son how to talk to women. You can’t even take some of your time out to help me teach him.” “I want to talk to my sister. That is what I came here to do goodnight.” He went back to his table and started calling me a bitch loud enough for me to hear and going on about the situation essentially harassing me so I yelled across the bar to the staff so everyone could hear, “I am being harassed by this man points at him and I need to be moved away from him.” He got up and left. I will not be a silent victim, he had to learn the hard way.

egalitarian-flan · 2024-05-16T12:10:48+00:00

I've never rejected a man in a humiliating or condescending manner, partially because there's no reason to and partially because I know it takes a lot of courage to approach a total stranger and ask them out. In my entire life, I've been approached by roughly 30 guys per year since I was 16, so about 780 guys total. (I am an introvert, and rarely in general public outside of work or running errands.) Most of these interactions were only a few seconds long, they simply said thanks/no problem and walked away. Only a handful of times did the guy get angry or try to keep cajoling me into dating him.

AntonioSLodico · 2024-05-16T14:17:55+00:00

The first couple of times I ever walked up to a girl I didn't know to talk to them, I got rejected hard. One looked me up and down with disdain, then said "ew, no" as she turned her back on me. The other laughed, pointed to my friend, and said he was her type, and asked me for his number. I had serious rejection anxiety waaaaaay too long after that. Like about a decade and a half.

fiftythreezero · 2024-05-16T12:04:04+00:00

I’ve personally been approached only like 10 times probably? My go to response is either boyfriend or “sorry I’m in a rush” lol.

I agree with what you’re saying, I’d say if a guy is really nervous about it, make sure to always avoid girls in groups. It’s hard for some people to be vulnerable romantically in front of their friends and they might unfortunately resort to being a bit rude (e.g. laughing) as a defensive mechanism/diffusing the awkwardness.

zirticario · 2024-05-16T12:17:08+00:00

Definitely been rejected embarrassingly, an embarrassing number of times haha and in hindsight I can't say I did something I clearly shouldn't have. Definitely has been pretty emotionally damaging. I also began to lose interest to be fair after *that* many rejections, and when you've only ever failed, it can definitely make you 2nd guess yourself. My relationships have generally come about when a woman has engaged in a conversation with me and found that I have a number of qualities that she found attractive and in those cases I was pursued by her very aggressively. In most cases, engaging with me doesn't happen and therefore nothing goes anywhere.

Old_Luck285 · 2024-05-16T13:19:31+00:00

Yeah, in fifth grade, when I called him an asshole for giving me a love letter. I was so not yet into boys back then that I felt totally overwhelmed. That was not nice.

I guess later on, my biggest fault was not rejecting guys fast enough when I wasn't interested, so they developed hope when it wasn't warranted. When a friend told me that he could see us becoming more than friends, I sincerely thanked him for his honesty and that I felt flattered.

I think inventing a partner is the best as most face-saving option for all involved. The rejected person can reply with a flirty "lucky guy/gal" and everybody wins.

Schmurby · 2024-05-16T13:44:50+00:00

I think the problem is that disappointment feels humiliating. So, no matter how nicely someone rejects, that rejection is still going to sting.

And for a lot of people, I would say men more-so than women, feelings hurt can turn into rage really quickly.

mrs_seng · 2024-05-16T12:03:03+00:00

I never rejected someone in an embarrassing way.

However, i had one case where the guy started screaming at me in the middle of a very crowded street. Also, he wouldn't let go of my hand. I really hated this encounter not only because i don't enjoy being screamed at or pulled by the hand, but i also hate scenes in public. So embarresing.

Gravel_Roads · 2024-05-16T12:42:47+00:00

I have not "been embarrassed", in that no one has actively tried to make me feel shame or embarrassment for being attracted to someone.

I HAVE, however, felt embarrassment. Because it can be a little embarrassing to put yourself out there. I have a feeling that's what a lot of dudes are actually afraid of - not the woman viciously attacking him, but more just feeling lame when you get rejected.

Professional_Sun7586 · 2024-05-16T12:08:39+00:00

I've started getting regularly approached after a huge glow up around 20. At first, I didn't know how to cope and would give out my number, but I ghosted everyone at the end.

Nowadays I wave people off politely. I don't mind having a chat with someone, but I'd never go go on a date with someone who cold approached me. It's strange.

CraftyCooler · 2024-05-16T14:37:26+00:00

Tbh I've never did a cold approach - it's considered creepy and might be risky here, boyfriends tend to be jelaous and not afraid of confrontation. It was always social setting where people were introduced to each other. I was rejected a few times but it wasn't really a big deal for me - though what is funny i've had situations when girls actually changed their mind after some time and wanted to go out. I do not know of single case of successful cold approach - though i know few cases of cold approach rejection being outsourced to boyfriends.

Stunning_Tea4374 · 2024-05-16T16:57:18+00:00

And women, have you ever rejected a man in a humiliating manner?

I mean.. what is that supposed to mean, even? Humiliation means different things for different people, and if the things I've said accidentally hit a sore spot, then I probably humiliated that person. So yes, probably many times, unwillingly. Particularly if that person is insecure in themselves (which happens a lot of the time). Also, aren't differences between feeling hurtful/rejected/and feeling humiliated somewhat blurry and it's somewhat the same, only perhaps on a different scale?

Why do you frame this question as if women are doing the rejection and men get rejections anyway? Women get rejected as well, some just as much as men. A lot of the time rejections felt very humiliating to me.

envious1998 · 2024-05-16T19:50:24+00:00

I was once was at a bar with my friends where my friends knew the bartenders and bouncers and this group of 3 or 4 girls walks in and sits next to me. I didn’t pay them much attention because I was there with my friends but when they got up to leave one of the girls left her purse on the barstool. The bartender asked me to give it to them real quick while they were right outside waiting for an Uber, so I did and when I went to give it to the girl who had left it she gave me the most disgusted look I had ever seen in my life and made a motion with her hand like she was trying to shoo me away before she realized I was just trying to give her her purse. I’d never felt so humiliated in my life.

So yeah, I’d say my fears of harsh rejection are pretty valid given that I get harsh rejections when I’m not even trying with women.

Lilrip1998 · 2024-05-16T12:26:13+00:00

I only get rude when they get rude 💁‍♀️

spanglesandbambi · 2024-05-16T13:07:53+00:00

I match whatever has been presented. If the guy is nice to me and polite, I will be polite back and be mindful of the rejection. I tend to just say well if I wasn't married, I would. Shifting the refection to my situation rather than anything about them. It just feels nicer that way.

If they are rude or persistent in a harrasing way they get told in no uncertain terms they would have to dig up my decaying body to even stand a chance.

Good_Result2787 · 2024-05-16T14:37:06+00:00

I wouldn't say I ever had a fear of it, but I did have an expectation that it would probably happen at least a few times. I have a noticeable physical disability, and some people feel really insulted or hurt if disabled people try to ask them out or express romantic interest. This sort of hurt can lead to a type of offense taken, and they can lash out in response to you asking them out.

It's fairly easy to attack that vector too since there are quite a few ways you can demean a disabled person easily. I wouldn't say I was afraid, certainly not enough to not approach, but I expected I would run into at least a few people who would react badly specifically because I was disabled and doing some approaching. It isn't nice, but I think it is something one has to expect if they are dealing with a noticeable disability.

samantha802 · 2024-05-16T17:05:01+00:00

Only when a man did not take no for an answer and would not leave me alone.

bluehorserunning · 2024-05-16T17:23:29+00:00

I have, but it was because I did not understand that he was hitting on me at the time. In retrospect, that bewilderment on my part was probably more humiliating to him than a flat rejection would have been. I’ve also been less than diplomatic with male patients who hit on me at work, including one whose foot was literally rotting off at the time.

Fun_Breakfast697 · 2024-05-16T18:16:01+00:00

Every time I've been actually rude while rejecting a guy it was preceded by a soft no and a direct no. Idk if that even counts as an "embarrassing rejection" because wtf did they expect at that point?

M3taBuster · 2024-05-17T03:47:59+00:00

ALL rejections are humiliating. Inherently. No matter how polite the girl is, it's still not gonna feel good, and it's pretty much impossible to handle a rejection gracefully and continue to show your face among whatever social circle it happened in.

Clementinequeen95 · 2024-05-16T12:52:50+00:00

I’m a girl I’ve never rejected someone in an embarrassing way. But I was once punched for declining to give my number to a man.

Just_Natural_9027 · 2024-05-16T12:41:15+00:00

When I was younger my friends and I probably approached 10-20 women a weekend. To this day I can’t even remember anything being that bad. You honestly just kind of laugh thinking back.

Most guys who talk about all the bad things have never even approached a woman in a traditional setting.

superlurkage · 2024-05-16T13:57:08+00:00

I will get others involved if a guy becomes a dick about it. And they have, a few times

I will say “no thanks” politely, once. And then the hounds get released

purplish_possum · 2024-05-16T14:08:15+00:00

Rejection doesn't have to be harsh to hurt.

If you approach 3 or 4 women at a club and all of them brush you off you're not going to be feeling good about yourself.

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-05-16T13:00:26+00:00

I only maybe get harsh with my rejection when my nos weren't heard the first time.

If I say no and they keep pushing. Then I will get a bit harsher.

grown_folks_talkin · 2024-05-16T14:06:41+00:00

When I was in my teens or early 20s, getting fake phone numbers did make me feel lower than shoe dirt. It took several times for me to build a thick skin around that. I can think of a few times when women went “ew” or “no just no” upon approach.

Some guys have said here that becoming emotionally immune to rejection makes you some kind of sociopath. I disagree, it’s just part of the life journey of a straight man.

shmupsy · 2024-05-16T14:41:38+00:00

There were girls I was interested in when I was really young, like from 1-8 grade. I believe each of them resulted in me being laughed at by the girl and surrounding people.

That was really powerful shit. I mean I really hate that I had to go through that. Things are seriously off. My dad worked on the road a lot. My parents were fighting and got divorced. I would hope that a kid with a stable family and present dad would be able to navigate women at that age with less humiliation.

But that's not what happened. I went with my childish notions and got burned. After that I was scared of being interested in girls. I wouldn't make myself vulnerable again. I am haunted by nice girls who were into me in those times and I was terrified and pushed them away.

Then after some years I was less scared, but still not right, and I settled with a girl who was wrong for me. Blew many years with that. Then had an explosion and banged as many as I could. I wasn't hot enough to get away with hookups, so I dated a lot of girls and dumped them. I lied to myself that I really wanted to date them.

IDK that's a sampling of me for all to enjoy. I saw my stepson go through similar stuff. He wasn't interested in my advice.

Yea, this rejection shit is real, but also broken homes are no fuckin' joke. It's not like I was abused, but your development is a fragile thing and needs a strong, healthy, focused family to keep it on track.

IlIIlIIIlIl · 2024-05-16T14:41:45+00:00

Rejection isn't just the proverbial girl laughing at you when you start asking them out.

99% of the time, just like you said, it's ghosting. Women in San Francisco are the worst at this. They'll ghost 30 minutes before the date starts or even after they say they're on their way. They'll show overwhelming interest while talking throughout every day then ghost. They'll date you for weeks and even talk about commitment and marriage while praising you constantly and laughing at all your jokes then ghost.

SurelyWoo · 2024-05-16T16:08:37+00:00

A woman has never rejected me in a cruel way, but I don't believe in a cold. Since I know the person, that outcome is unlikely since I am not attracted to cruel women. Confronting reality is the source of most of the pain. We all have a self-image that we cultivate. It can be in academics, sports, or attractiveness, but when we test our ability in the real world, our (inflated) self-image is hit by reality, which causes a painful self-assessment.

GrandpaDallas · 2024-05-16T17:10:35+00:00

I def have a bit of a streak to avoid rejection, which is why I don't like cold approaching women. But I will say that I've never in my life had a humiliating rejection (other than me feeling embarrassed)

lolthankstinder · 2024-05-16T19:59:03+00:00

No one cares if some random stuck up woman at a bar rejects you in a humiliating manner, you’re never going to see her again. However if you shoot your shot on a woman in your circle, now all your friends know about it.

Women get tons and tons of options and attention and often look for shortcuts to evaluate men’s desirability. If a guy has already been rejected by a woman’s friend, that’s a great shortcut to dismiss him as undesirable. Furthermore, even if a woman did like you, now she feels like she’s your second choice. So, don’t shit where you eat.

SecondEldenLord · 2024-05-16T21:48:20+00:00

I got rejected in embarassing ways so many times, i lost count. It is considered normal to reject an unattractive man in an embarassing way, especially in front of her friends. I got slapped, spitted on once, even accused of sexual harassment and groping once. I have been mocked and ridiculed for my height so many times by women. It is really hard not to get frustrated and have some form of dislikeness towards women when 80% of your interactiosn with women were bad. And before someone blames me, no, I did nothing wrong, did not disrespected them or said something weird.

Handsome_Goose · 2024-05-16T23:32:16+00:00

Last time I told a woman I'm interested in her she stopped attending the university for over a month and replying to my messages.

Not a great experience.

MasterTeacher123 · 2024-05-16T11:54:40+00:00

I’ve had maybe 2-5 “embarrassing rejections” my entire life approaching. The typical one was sorry not interested and I moved on. I spent so much little time or investment in each rejection that I didn’t care. The typical approach is what? Maybe a few mins?

meangingersnap · 2024-05-16T18:25:54+00:00

I will become more brutal in my rejection the more a man doesn't drop it after I already said no. Dude at a bar asked for my number, I said no, he kept asking why so I said bc he's in the military then we had a debate about whether the military is bad and he just kept getting angrier and angrier while I was laughing til he stormed off and the people next to us got a good laugh too. I have also told dudes, listen I've been asking you to leave me alone and you won't so let me just tell you, with a face like yours there's nothing you could ever do to make me attracted to you so drop it or I will keep telling you how jacked your shit is and naming everything that makes him undesirable, and loudly 😇💅🏻

Fauxmannequin · 2024-05-16T12:20:53+00:00

I’ve never rejected a man (or woman) in a harsh or humiliating manner. I get that rejection sucks in general, and I would never aim to make that worse. I’ve only asked out a handful of people, but still, I know what it’s like to be romantically rejected even if I haven’t necessarily experienced it as often as most men.

Creepy_Pass_957 · 2024-05-16T13:09:16+00:00

I would never embarrass/humiliate someone who respectfully approached me. I understand how much courage it takes to approach someone in the first place, and I usually just say I have a boyfriend to try to preserve their ego as much as I can.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-05-16T12:54:20+00:00

I've never rejected a man.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-05-16T13:00:52+00:00

Nope. I'm never flattered, always annoyed, but I do not show it. I've had ten or eleven men go completely to pieces. I've been shoved into my truck, grabbed in a parking lot, had a man open my car door and get into my car, and I've been accused of lying about about having a boyfriend a couple times. I've been touched by men I don't know dozens of times and it infuriates me, but I don't react other than to get away from them as quickly as possible.

I always lie and claim to have a boyfriend or husband whether I'm dating or not.

Approaches in social spaces are entirely different, and most men don't just march up and demand a number. They make small talk or flirt, and if there is no chemistry, they just wander off. Hardly ever had anything go wrong at a show or sporting event.

thedarkracer · 2024-05-16T14:54:43+00:00

I only have the fear but haven't been rejected actually. Guys much better than me have been rejected whereas I still don't have any achievement to boast of which can make me their equal to have a chance.

Purple_Kangaroo8549 · 2024-05-16T15:23:52+00:00

So in bars:

I have had multiple women literally walk away after I buy them drinks laughing.
I had one whos friend threatened me(lol) after walking away(lol).
I had tons of random women ghost me.

I did have two follow up from random day game but they ended up being single mothers which is unfortunate as they were hot.

I will never buy anything for a woman again.

Ultramega39 · 2024-05-16T16:12:51+00:00

While I do fear an embarrassing rejection, I fear the emotional pain and the negative impact that it'll have on my mental health that comes with rejection far more than being embarrassed.

Which is why I avoid being rejected as much as possible.

Jello_Vivid · 2024-05-16T16:50:56+00:00

I'm a man that rarely approaches and usually sticks to dating apps and never had a bad rejection

2024-05-17T10:40:19+00:00

Why does it have to be mean? Why should I have to go through 750-1000 “nice” rejections. While she goes thorough 0-10 in that time? Do you think being rejected that many times makes men feel good?

I would also point out. You might not be that bad looking. What if all 1000 said no “nicely”. Then would you still feel good?

Why is it’s men’s job to assume all the risk all the time? Why have women’s roles become more fluid while men’s have stayed the same?

Why not encourage women to “suck it up” and go hit on more men? Women are lazy entitled daters. It’s time they assumed more responsibility.

bison5595 · 2024-05-16T13:54:49+00:00

The problem for most guys is that after being told no or they have a boyfriend, they continue to engage. I think part of this is you have people on the internet who share stories of getting a woman or a woman changing her mind after saying no initially, that guys feel they to keep engaging after the initial rejection

krackedy · 2024-05-16T12:01:44+00:00

I don't get embarrassed easily. I've had a couple "bad" rejections I guess, where the woman was shocked I thought she'd be into me. Didn't bother me a lot.

I generally only make a move if I feel some chemistry, so I've gotten yes more than no.

SlowEffective8146 · 2024-05-16T12:15:14+00:00

Never. Maybe in high school I had one where like the girl was snotty, but it was too long ago to remember. Usually I get "I have a boyfriend" if it's a rejection.

TheGreatBeefSupreme · 2024-05-16T12:18:39+00:00

I had a couple of rejections where I thought there was interest when there wasn’t. In both instances, mutual female friends told me that there was interest on the woman’s part. I guess I just felt like an idiot afterwards and doubted both my own attractiveness and my ability to distinguish friendliness from romantic interest. I was paranoid after that, and it took me a decade before I had the courage to make myself vulnerable like that again.

MistyMaisel · 2024-05-16T14:12:28+00:00

So I never humiliated strangers approaching me. Always polite, kind, but rejecting.

I can say with more known dudes, yes, it sometimes became necessary or was accidental.

The accidental one, we were newly closish friends. We hung out alone a few times to get a new Taylor Swift cd, I listened to his literal and largely legitimate trauma dumping. He was in show choir. His favorite show was Glee. He'd told me about one unrequited love with a girl who looked hella masculine (which I don't). He was super touchy with guys and half his friends or more were gay dudes. And he was a million miles off being my type in any way. I entirely assumed this dude was closeted Through the grape vine it came to my attention he had a crush on me and intended to ask me out. Shocked, I remember exclaiming to the friends who told me a little too loudly, "he likes glee and show choir for goddsakes. Gross. Is no one safe!?" Of course, his friends/mutual friends told him and it became a drama.

The necessary ones, I'd indicated disinterests or lack of desire very clearly. Said no. And they kept hounding me. So eventually I turned to public humiliation. And it worked.

Electric_Death_1349 · 2024-05-16T12:05:16+00:00

I have never been bitten by a shark; that doesn’t mean that, were I to encounter a shark whilst swimming in the ocean it would not bite me, especially were I to provoke it. Therefore, by not swimming with sharks and not antagonising them I am removing the possibility of being bitten by one.

jazzmaster1992 · 2024-05-16T12:17:58+00:00

Worst I've had happen is someone walking away from the interaction or ghosting after the fact. It only ever felt intense, miserable and super embarrassing at times because I was so emotionally invested in her response. It's true what the old PUAs used to say about having abundance and staying indifferent to her reaction until you've started a relationship. Most of the time it won't go that badly even if you get turned down, as long as you are respectful in your approach and accepting of her answer either way.

No_Mammoth8801 · 2024-05-16T16:11:25+00:00

Most of the social penalties you recieve from a rejection happen behind the scenes in all-women group chats. Count yourself lucky as a guy if you even find out about it.

A woman can invoke the word "vibes" (as in "creepy vibes" or "weird vibes"), and it is treated like gospel truth and can poison the well of an entire social group or well of alternate suitors. Seen it happen. Not to me but to a well-meaning albeit slightly awkward guy who shot his shot. He was none the wiser of course, just confused why he stopped getting invited to outings.

Even though I don't practice it, I can see why cold approaching random women would be appealing to some men, because who gives a shit if some woman you'll never meet again talks shit about you or makes fun of you? Out of sight, out of mind, right?

On a macro scale, there is a sort of social currency to how women view men approaching them. Even when they have zero interest in actually dating, even when they claim to be done or disgusted with men, they'll still recount the rejected approach to their social media followers or friends because they receive validation from it.

That's why even the women who are interested in getting men to approach more are being disingenuous, sort of like Colonel Sanders' interest in chickens (hint: its not for the benefit of the chickens). Yes, you obviously need to approach as a guy if you want a relationship or to get laid. But never forget how the gender roles of approaching almost dictate a parasitism of validation between the genders.

BrainMarshal · 2024-05-16T13:08:14+00:00

Another rant trying to shame men into approaching women. It ain't gonna happen, dude. Give it up. The approaching women culture is dead and it's never coming back from the grave.

emorizoti · 2024-05-16T12:01:32+00:00

Every rejection feels like an embarrasment for the first 5 seconds. Then it's not a big deal and move on to the next one. For me the issue was not the rejection itself, but being led on. I mean when I was in my early 20s and less experienced I fell a few times for that. Now I'm just direct from the start and put very little effort. It works.

--angels-fanatic-- · 2024-05-16T14:40:43+00:00

I've seen it happen.

I had a really bitchy co-worker and we went to an over 25 dance. Some guy that looked like Napoleon Dynomite asked her to dance and she looked him up and down and with utter disgust in her voice said a simple "Uh no".

I was shocked that someone could treat someone else so horribly.

BigIndividual78 · 2024-05-16T13:53:56+00:00

Never approaching a western woman again. After a lifetime of bad experiences and condescension… let’s just say I’m done with it. Women can do the approaching since they’re so perfect

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wardenferry419 · 2024-05-16T13:14:38+00:00

I've had a couple. It sucks in its moment but the moment passes.

Dense-Tell-6147 · 2024-05-16T13:40:17+00:00

I only approached women where I had the feeling she was attracted (she was looking or smiling at me) and it worked.

A couple times she was just being friendly, and noticing that the thing was not escalating I let it de-escalate, so it didn’t get to the point of an explicit rejection.

I’ve always preferred to be chased, being relatively attractive it also happened a couple times, but not even nearly to how much I’d wanted.

And yes, my big fat artist’s ego was preventing me from “risking” an unpleasant rejection. Being successful in other fields “under my control”, the sole idea of risking being ridiculed was nauseating.

Once though, I confessed to a colleague my crush for her, and she declined in the most graceful way.

And after that, there was no awkwardness, if ever, she was even nicer to me: she even seemed somehow “flattered” by the idea that I had her in such high regard.

Glad I took the courage to reveal myself (even knowing the odds were close to none, but man I was really infatuated), it helped me recalibrating my undecidedness later on, too bad for the dozens chances missed out of concerns that likely made sense only in my head.

AreOut · 2024-05-16T16:04:15+00:00

I don't ask girls directly on a date as I try to build some connection first and see by her IOIs if she is interested. I am quite communicative and girls seem to like it but it doesn't mean that every of them will want to go on a date.

centaurus_a11 · 2024-05-16T16:21:29+00:00

Idk how many of these would count as actual embarrassing rejections but let me put this out here for you to judge-

Messaged a senior girl in school, 2 classes ahead of me. Got brutally ignored after 2-4 texts. She was the prettiest girl in our school at that time. I was naive. She was a bimbo tho.
Classmate in college I felt attracted to would just look at me at random points in time and start laughing. Never actually made conversation to her and I was a very shy person at that time so I wouldn’t even dare look at her. Obviously I never made a move on her and till date she doesn’t know I was into her. Also, dodged a bullet here because she was just… intellectually not my type. Also, she ended up dating a dude who looks 10 times worse than me lol and I ended up dating her friend who was crowned “Ms. Fresher” of our batch, which was a bullet I did take bc damn she was such a bad person.
The workplace I joined after college, was crushing hard on this woman whom I knew was slightly older than me or so I thought. Approached her professionally trying to know her and exchanged a few words every now and then but I kinda made it obvious that I was into her but I never actually flirted, let alone ask her out. Once I said hi while walking past her and she just hissed at me, didn’t say anything and walked away. Umm, wtf? Another bullet I dodged bc she turned out to be a shady individual who abruptly left her job months later and there wasn’t much fuss about her leaving or anything. I might be wrong but I had a feeling that nobody was really sad to watch her go, at least not me lol.

Writing about these instances and thinking about it in hindsight, in all these cases, the embarrassing and painfully cold rejections were thrown at me by females who themselves were a big no no and I’m glad I didn’t end up being with them.

WhiteHalo2196 · 2024-05-16T16:30:27+00:00

I fear being accused of sexual harassment and being arrested and getting fired from my job(even when I flirt with women who aren’t my coworkers) more than I fear rejection.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-05-16T17:43:04+00:00

I think (because I can't know how every person has felt) I've only been intentionally rude to two guys.

One was this dude that I had met through a friend, and had agreed to meet up with him for a piece in our uni magazine. Day after our interview, he went up to my friend (they were co-workers) and told him ''Hey, I'mma bang this chick". My friend promptly told me about this, and it's not like I had any interest in this guy before but now I had no interest to even hang out with him in a friendly manner. Anyway, my friend and I were making plans to go see a movie with a few other people, and I guess this guy saw our convo on Messenger somehow because he turned up at the cinema and would not leave me alone. He ended up asking me out after the movie (in front of everyone), and I told him something the lines of "Ew, absolutely not". Could I have been nicer? Yes. Do I feel bad about it? No.

The other guy came up to me at a club when I was with my friends, and went "I want to kiss you". I had never met this man in my life and told him "No". He asked why not, I told him I didn't know him and wasn't interested, he kept on being pushy and trying to get me to further explain why I said "no", so I finally told him "No means no, short stack, now fuck off" loud enough for people around us to hear. He called me a bitch and went away. Did I have to bring his height into it? No. Did I do it because I thought it would make him embarrassed enough to finally leave? Yep.

I generally try to be polite when turning people down, and for the most part, a simple "No, thank you./No, not interested" works and people leave after that. But if someone is going to persist past that point, I won't try to be nice, and if their feelings get hurt, oh well. I won't be considerate towards someone who shows no consideration for me.

apresonly · 2024-05-16T18:19:45+00:00

rejection is embarassing even if its done nicely 🤷‍♀️

it doesn't feel good.

most rejections have been just fine. its embarassing. i get upset. i go somewhere else and cry/process and move on. its not a big deal if it is neutral or especially if they are nice about it.

its way worse when they confuse/gaslight you or pretend they aren't rejecting you while they reject you ("you're crazy, nothings wrong/different" when they do a 180). ghosting.

i've had bad rejections growing up (just boys being rude, but nothing crazy), but it wasn't until dating apps that i had so many unhinged rejections. The first one was i fell asleep while talking to this guy (it was literally like 1am) and i woke up to a ton of all caps messages about how i was so full of myself and such a bitch, etc. It was very scary because obviously he had seemed like a good guy up until that point because i had spent a few hours talking to him that night. we even had mutual friends on facebook (this was early in the days of tinder) so he was like a "real" person and it really blew my mind in a bad way that this was possible.

once i was in love w this guy i had been casually seeing for two years (i never made the mistake of casually seeing a guy for years agin, this was the first time so ease up) and he mentioned he was seeing someone else. i was so shocked all i could do was silently try my best to not have a panic attack but i was just kinda bewildered and lightly crying and trying to change the subject. He didn't console me or say anything at all he just looked at me and said "you can leave". Like... i'd been cuddling all night with this guy for like 50 times in the last couple years, he was always friendly and we'd never had any kind of conflict. It's really hard to think about, this was so heartbreaking to be just discarded like this.

a few times walking down the street when i ignored cat calls the men would change to muttering threats after they saw i was ignoring them.

even weirder than rejected is the men i loved who would risk my life so casually by driving dangerously, strangling me during sex (without consent), raping me, anally raping me, exposing me to STDs while cheating on me or stealthing. one even asked me to go on a road trip with him and i later found out he was bringing drugs across state lines and i could have gotten in serious legal trouble (i had no idea).

its just bizarre bc i can't fathom doing any of this and it all seems *incredibly easy to avoid.* i just gave up on men.

Spicy_take · 2024-05-16T18:44:35+00:00

I’ve never been rejected that way. I have however seen a couple of men get rejected that way.

RaidenTheBlue · 2024-05-16T19:06:08+00:00

Every time I’ve asked out a girl IRL, it has ended in a weird prank where the girl or her friends clown on me. It’s super weird and like something out of a teen drama

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2024-05-16T19:18:13+00:00

Quite the opposite. When men approach me I tell them that “unfortunately I’m getting married, but I really loved the way you approached me, that’s exactly how other women would like to be approached, good job, I would have said yes because you’re very handsome and I like how you dress and you were respectful, etc etc.” Back when I was single, I always was polite and either gave them my number to give it a shot or just said “I have a boyfriend.” It’s easier and softer than “no” I think. But again, always tried to point something positive out about the interaction. I have never been rude and have never watched a girl be rude.

I’m pretty sure those videos of women destroying a man’s self esteem on the internet are 99.9% rage bait videos. It’s not real life. And if you can’t see that, I recommend getting more friends to engage in social interactions more often. Because it’s obvious it’s not real.

Don’t bother someone who clearly looks like they don’t want to be bothered. At the gym, with headphones in, hood up, looking at her phone, you know, universal “please don’t” signs. Otherwise - shopping, at the park (during the day please,) getting your car fixed, out living life - go ahead. It’s okay. Please try to keep it in your mind that safety is typically number one for women. Don’t back us into a corner, don’t get in our faces, try to posture yourself tilted away, make sure it’s daytime if it’s not a club or something where it’s expected, things like that and you really won’t have a problem. Even if she thinks you’re creepy, you don’t gotta know. Be polite and keep it moving if it’s a no.

Different_Cress7369 · 2024-05-16T19:19:22+00:00

I smile, say I’m a married woman and wish them better luck with the next woman. I’ve had a few men get pushy, but nothing frightening these days. Different story when I was in my 20s, but thankfully those days are long gone.

RobMitchum · 2024-05-16T19:20:25+00:00

How tall and handsome are you? And out of 1000 cold approaches, how many of them did you fuck?

Nihi1986 · 2024-05-16T19:51:35+00:00

I used yo avoid rejection mainly cause my feelings not to avoid embarrashment, can't say I have seen that happening much from women or men...most people tend to be empathetic enough, rejection is already bad without embarrashing anyone.

kexavah558ask · 2024-05-16T19:53:30+00:00

I have, quite a few times. One for chasing skirts too much (showing message from another girl I didn't know was her friend), others just laughs and contempt, once a really low blow mocking health issues I had that derailed my studies. I wouldn't care much before MeToo hysteria arrived here (6 years late vs the Anglosphere), but nowadays I thread a bit more lightly.

womandatory · 2024-05-16T20:12:49+00:00

I’ve turned down plenty of men over the years, and I’ve never once been rude, cruel or nasty about it, even when it was warranted.

My standard response has been “Thank you, but I’m not interested/I’m already seeing someone/I’m taking a break from dating right now”, depending on the scenario.

Even while dating on apps, every man who inboxed me got a polite response, even the ones who were low effort, entitled or rude. Mostly the response on apps would be “Thanks, but I’m not interested/I’ve started chatting with someone else and want to see where it goes/I don’t think we have much in common” and then finish with “All the best in your search/Good luck with your search/I hope you find the right match”. Around 60% of the guys on the apps took it well and were polite often saying thanks back, 30% were rude or nasty, often throwing back insults, and probably 10% I had to go as far as reporting to the app for threatening rape and other violence.

Teleportingtoast284 · 2024-05-16T20:24:47+00:00

Harsh or humiliated rejection, not so much. However i have had disrespectful ones.

yodawgchill · 2024-05-16T21:20:42+00:00

I’ve never personally rejected anyone in an embarrassing way, I tried to give realistic excuses like that I already had a boyfriend or when I was younger in school I would say I wasn’t allowed to date.

Comms · 2024-05-16T21:29:05+00:00

I've never been afraid to ask anyone out and have done so many times when single. I can't recall a single time when a rejection was personally embarrassing. Most of them were polite. A few I thought were a bit rude but nothing over-the-top or standout. When roles were reversed and I rejected someone else I was always polite about it.

If someone is rude or inappropriate to you then that says more about them than you, honestly.

No-Weather-3140 · 2024-05-16T21:34:23+00:00

The most embarrassing rejection for me was pretty tame I guess. I had been talking to this woman at a bar (went with my friend) and she leaves to dance. I went up to her emboldened for some reason and asked for the chances she’d give me her number, she said 0 lmao. She cooked me.

I thought that was sort of rude and I felt led on for the conversation we had being pretty in depth, but also learned a lot from this encounter. I didn’t even want her fucking number I just felt like I should have

hearyoume14 · 2024-05-16T22:41:20+00:00

I was laughed at and told I have a shitty personality. He wasn’t wrong.I’ve been asked out once and just said “No, but thank you.” because in awkwardness I fall back to my manners lessons. They do say female Aspies have similar brain structures to non-autistic males.

NarwhalsInTheLibrary · 2024-05-16T23:44:38+00:00

I was, in retrospect, incredibly mean to a guy who asked me to dance when I was in 6th grade. At the time I honestly thought he was making fun of me (I am not particularly good looking and at that point in my life I was severely socially awkward and not cool or good looking in any way). He may or may not have been trying to make a fool of me, I realized much later. Regardless, I always felt bad for being an asshole to him. No reason I couldn't have just said "no thanks." People who were there all laughed at him, which in the moment felt like a win for me but later I felt bad. I know nobody cares about when I was 12 a million years ago, but it was something that stuck with me so I try not to be an asshole after that.

In adulthood I am not mean and I do not want to humiliate anybody. I am always kind until a guy makes me not be anymore (like if he's really rude to me I will either just remove myself without saying anything else or if necessary I'll tell him to leave me alone). Sometimes guys will argue with me. If I don't want to give them my number or go out for drinks with them, they will ask why and then argue why I'm wrong or "you have no idea how good I would treat you blablabla" And then I gotta be more stern but I still don't insult guys or anything.

YourAverageRadish · 2024-05-17T06:54:51+00:00

The worst I've done is say "no" with a rude tone or to completely disregard them. But this only happened when I was in my teens/early 20s and the guy was 40+ and/or he was harassing me. Every guy who was decent and polite received a decent and polite answer.

crow_away_ · 2024-05-17T09:56:49+00:00

It depends what you call embarrassing.

The first time I approached a woman, I could see panick and fear in her eyes. That was definitely embarrassing for me.

Then there is all the women I knew when I asked them out (I rarely asked strangers out after that awkward first attempt). Good friends or acquaintance, single, we share values, hobbies, we talked and laughed more or less frequently... and most rejections were nice. But a couple were more Ewwww than anything else.

Then there was one woman, alone in a club, who refused to answer me and turned in the other direction when I came to talk to her.

Edit: I forgot an "funny" undirect rejection. A girl came very directly to a friend at a festival, told him he was cute... my friend said that he had a girlfriend but that he came with single friends and showed us. The look on her face and her answer "no thanks, I will turn on Tinder then" could have been pretty humiliating if I wasn't expecting her not to be interested.

2024-05-20T19:19:54+00:00

I've been embarrassingly rejected and gloriously accepted and everything in between.

Agreeable_Scar_5274 · 2024-05-22T05:21:43+00:00

I've always had an abandonment wound, so I've never approached, and yet I've has devastating "rejections", when I wasn't even pursuing.

I've had a friend tell me out of the blue she wasn't interested...my response: "did I ask in my sleep or something?".

When I was working at a fast food joint in my teens, I had to ask a woman for one of our trays as we were closing up, so I approached and got "ew, no" before saying anything, and then just went with "ma'am, I was just going to ask for your tray".

I had a huge crush on a friends sister for about a decade. When I turned 22, all of us went out drinking and at the bar she pulled me close and kissed me. We were both intoxicated. Her brother got pissed, and she ended up in AA less than a week later....so basically she quit drinking. I had never let on that I liked her.

I gave up a long time ago, and still somehow get rejected, without even pursuing. All these women claiming they've never humiliated are either extremely rare or full of shit

Agile-Explanation263 · 2024-05-25T13:10:17+00:00

Sometimes you get rejected without even approaching. Women discussing in highschool or the workplace who looks good/who they'd potentially date is not super uncommon. If one brings it up the others may be inclined to give thier input.

Overhearing all of them laugh and gag because they mentioned you while you had headphones on is a huge blow to your self esteem especially if it happens more than once.

RecreationalPorpoise · 2024-05-16T14:16:30+00:00

Maybe true, but people keep pretending rejection is the worst thing men have to fear in dating, and it’s not. Women have a tremendous amount of freedom to hurt other people without consequences. That at least makes it hard to be confident.

Silver_Switch_3109 · 2024-05-16T12:25:32+00:00

A lot of men who go on about how women always reject men have never been rejected. These men just assume that women will reject them so they don’t approach.

mc0079 · 2024-05-16T13:17:51+00:00

Yeah, during my time as a single man, I think I was rejected harshly once? And it really wasnt a big deal

Superdunez · 2024-05-16T18:02:48+00:00

Yes.

She then proceeded to get the whole class in on the "joke". So I had about 15 people laughing at me for asking her out.

Edit: to all the women high jacking this post, I don't believe you. I believe you think you've never been cruel to men that were interested, but we all know how much women virtue signal. Eventually, it becomes your "truth".

MikeArrow · 2024-05-16T12:46:54+00:00

Never asked a woman out, therefore I've never been rejected.

I've been rejected after going on dates, but it's always been in the form of them slowly drifting away instead of outright saying they're no longer interested.

child0light · 2024-05-16T21:19:14+00:00

I once told a drunk man "I don't date anyone that I can beat up" after his shitty band played. (I can't take him sober, I know this) He wouldn't lay TF off and kept trying to put his arm around me and touch my waist. I hope it made him feel embarrassed but I doubt it.

GhettoJamesBond · 2024-05-16T13:23:30+00:00

As a man yes I have. The truth is if you're single and don't occasionally get embarrassed, you're probably not trying hard enough.

While it does hurt that isn't the biggest problem. The bigger issue is that if other girls see you striking out they probably won't like you either. That's negative social proof. But even that might not be the biggest problem. These days you can't risk it at school or work because the girl could get you fired or expelled.

Jaded-Worldliness597 · 2024-05-16T13:34:30+00:00

I've hit up at least as many women as you. Flat out, it's important how you do it. The guys who face more humiliating rejection are generally new at it, and don't know how to do it correctly. This is why you havn't had a very bad experience.

Of course the black pillers will just say it's all about looks. It isn't. It's really about game and the energy you bring to the encounter.

alebruto · 2024-05-16T12:43:47+00:00

Severe rejections are mainly for sub-5 men

Normies typically receive polite rejections

boom-wham-slam · 2024-05-16T15:24:04+00:00

I've had women literally say "ewww hell no" just when i say hi but I'm objectively quite good looking and literally usually start with hi. I have really high success with hitting on women.

So to me when women don't gracefully say no or something normal I just assume they are whack jobs. Occasionally ill reply back, like "weirdo" or "and that's why you don't do meth" just depends on the situation. Usually I have better things to do but Occasionally women are extra rude or I'm stuck standing next to them for something and I'm not going to cower in line at the grocery store because I said hi. I'll just laugh at the "big head lady who thinks every man wants her but rude women are for losers" I've had a woman apologize to me before after one of these interactions because my friend and i were hysterical laughing at this girl who was rude and just kept joking and joking and joking on the "rude women yuck" thing. Ended up giving me her number.

Imo I get better responses cat calling though. I've never been given a rude remark cat calling. Ever. It's usually more pleasant interactions like "hi" or trying to introduce myself. If I just grab a girl in the club or yell whooo at a girl while driving they 99.9% smile or at worst ignore or just be polite.

So I think that's part of why shy more innocent type beta men will come off more as "hi" where aggressive openers are usually more pleasant even if they get shot down.

But warning ymmv I'm hot and pretty smooth. I'm not sure just any dude can replicate my methods.

WYenginerdWY · 2024-05-17T08:12:10+00:00

I have intentionally never rejected a man in a humiliating fashion because I don't wish to be murdered over a hurt ego.

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