How are women able to walk away from a guy so easily?

AngeCruelle · 2024-09-11T14:05:56+00:00

Early in courtship should be the easiest time to walk away. You barely know this person. If you are that emotionally invested already there's a strong chance it's not based on what you actually know of them and moreso nice things you're making up in your head about them.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2024-09-11T14:25:02+00:00

If a woman leaves in the dating process it’s usually because she didn’t see a future with that guy and she was just being nice to not hurt the guys feelings or for her own safety when interacting with the guy.

If the woman leaves after intimacy (from what I have heard) is because she wasn’t impressed with what the guy was offering/ sex was probably not enjoyable for her and she does not want to subject herself to a life of crappy sex.

If a woman leaves a long term relationship it’s because the guy didn’t keep the romance alive by taking her out on regular dates or he didn’t do things around the house or his personality changed and he was being more of a jerk etc. Regardless women usually fall out of love while in a relationship and then plan their escape before ever breaking up with the guy. There’s a saying about how women will cry in bed next to their boyfriend or husband before a break up or divorce that’s because they are mourning the loss of the relationship before the relationship ever officially ends.

So it’s not that women don’t get sentimental or don’t have attachment to men they are in a relationship with; it’s that women are less likely to stay in a bad relationship out of laziness or convenience where men seem to put up with almost anything as long as they are getting sex.

attendquoi · 2024-09-11T13:35:19+00:00

Once I know I'm not compatible with someone, there isn't much reason to keep it going.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-09-11T17:06:41+00:00

They probably didn't have as great of an experience. The easiest time to walk away from a (potential) relationship is at the start, you don't have enough fond memories and shared experiences with the person, they're still basically a stranger to you, there isn't a lot to be sentimental about. If someone doesn't want to continue seeing another person after 3-4 dates, I'm going to assume one of a few things has happened (or several of them):

They thought the person was nice/fun/what have you but didn't feel an immediate spark. They decided to go on a few more dates to see if maybe that "spark" would come about in a date or two, sometimes first dates can be a bit awkward even if they're fun. They go on a few more dates, but there continues to be no spark, so they see no point in meeting up again and wasting everyone's time. (Ideally, they'll let the other person know and won't just ghost)
Everything was going well but the other person said and/or did something that put you right off them. It could be something as obviously shitty as being rude to the waiter, could be something perfectly innocent that you want nothing to do with, i.e. guy mentions he wants to move to a farm in the middle of nowhere and raise goats or something, and his date is a city girl who would rather chew her own leg off than live in the middle of nowhere. You're not going to be compatible with everyone you meet, such is life.
The sex was bad and they don't want to have bad sex for the next several months/years/lifetime.

GridReXX · 2024-09-11T17:42:37+00:00

My honest take?

The intimacy you’re feeling with her, a lot of women have that with their friends.

I genuinely think a lot of guys don’t experience emotional intimacy, safety, and care until they’re in a some sort of relation with a woman, so they’re desperate for that sort of connection in a way that women are not. She’s getting and giving that level of mutual care from and toward her female besties. I don’t think a lot of straight guys are giving nor getting that with their male friends and male family.

Because no. Someone you knew for 2 dates is not the love of your life. Especially if it’s not mutual and longstanding. You can only feel that way if you’re starved of emotional intimacy and reciprocity.

Other take?

Maybe men are staying longer in incompatible situations for the chance of sex?

januaryphilosopher · 2024-09-11T13:59:34+00:00

I guess those women didn't feel as intimate or connected as you. It happens, for men or women, especially if you've only met two or three times, meaning investment and sentimentality are low and your reading of them is likely to be off.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2024-09-11T16:49:11+00:00

Early in the dating process = not emotionally invested. That’s the easiest time to walk away

nightsofthesunkissed · 2024-09-11T15:38:44+00:00

If she walks away, deep down, she wasn't interested.

Even if she seemed outwardly like she was.

I’ve noticed that women have no issue with dropping a guy, even if they’ve had great experiences together. Why is this?

I've faked looking like I was having a great time on dates even though I thought the guy was a fucking lunatic.

Why? Safety, mainly.

But even if he doesn't seem scary, I'll still feign vague interest because what would even be the point in outwardly expressing my disinterest, disgust, etc, at the time, while it's happening?

Sometimes men will have very extreme reactions to any perceived rejection, and blow tf up. "I bought you dinner!! Why can't you be grateful?!", "What have I even done wrong?!", blah blah...

Easier to just grit your teeth and smile through it, and then ghost him later when you're back to safety.

Anecdotally, I’ve had second and third dates which ended in intimacy and a real emotional connection, yet the women will often never up meet again.

The sex was bad or the connection went sour.

Lysa_Bell · 2024-09-11T17:13:19+00:00

A lot of men think they are competing with other men. In reality men are competing with the comfort of women's single life. If a partner isn't adding anything to your life but is only taking something, why bother? If that feeling happens usually women leave unless they are really invested in the guy. Being single is much easier now for women than being with someone that adds nothing.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-09-11T14:06:50+00:00

didnt like him?

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-09-11T16:26:45+00:00

Early in courtship you should be able to walk away. You are seeing if this person is compatible. You shouldn't be emotionally investing it's literally getting to know someone. And if someone wants your emotional investment and all your time before properly nurturing it they are lovebombing. They are playing all their cards first and getting you attached and chasing feelings/validation and not actually interested in getting a good relationship.

Early in dating you are gauging the temperature of the person and seeing if there is something there. Emotional investment is something built over time through consistency and seeing each other.

ExcelSpreadCheekz · 2024-09-11T14:16:39+00:00

I don't feel this is gender specific. I think if it's early on both genders can be fine walking away. It's just in the long term it gets hard

bluepvtstorm · 2024-09-11T14:53:14+00:00

I have two ways of walking away. During vetting if we are fundamentally not compatible, I say thanks but no thanks and walk away. We can have great dates he can check a lot of boxes but if there is something where we don’t match and it is non negotiable or he shows himself to be an ass, I walk away. I have always been able to do that though. I don’t get too emotionally invested with men early because it’s all a crapshoot. I don’t believe in trying to change a man or asking him for what he isn’t capable of doing. I just leave.

If I am in a committed relationship and it’s not going well, I do all my emotional out processing before I say the words. I make a plan to leave, I tell my friends so they don’t ask questions, I let my mom know. When I am ready to pull the trigger, I leave. I tell them I am leaving, I tell them why and then I block and move on. We have nothing to discuss, I answered your questions and gave you closure. I don’t need to maintain a friendship with the person, I don’t need to rehash anything. It’s done.

Before anyone asks, the man is not blindsided. He knew it was coming, he just didn’t believe. I am not some simpering girl that tells you my wants and needs and wait for you to do them when you want while still being an active participant in the relationship. My actions show exactly how I feel about you. I stop talking, I stop asking, I don’t require anything of you because I am leaving. So they are free to do what they want.

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-09-11T14:19:28+00:00

It’s easy to leave when there’s no connection or compatibility.

systematicdissonance · 2024-09-11T13:55:25+00:00

This isn't a gendered experience, the only reason men remain with women they aren't compatible with is for the access to their bodies and not because of some emotional connection, esp considering it's harder for them to get into a relationship, hence why the leaving usually happens after securing a replacement

In retrospect, it's much better to just leave the way women do than lead on

Gilmoregirlin · 2024-09-11T15:22:20+00:00

I don't think this is unique to women, men do it too. But as for the reason at least early on in the relationship, maybe she did have a good time with you, but she had a better time with someone else? Or you thought she had a real emotional connection with you and were poorly reading the room and she did not?

Unique_Mind2033 · 2024-09-11T15:58:26+00:00

My dad is wondering this now that his ex wife, my stepmom, found a new partner

I just want to tell him "well... Duh! You've divorced her, and she's sick to death because of it, but you've been stringing her along because you know she'd do anything to retain a sense of normalcy and because she has had a history of loving you so long"

Somehow he thinks she'll just be at his beck and call forever and take all manner of neglect until she earns his heart again, even if he doesn't say that out loud. Because she obsesses over him and texts him constantly, he believes that must mean she is devoted to him forever, rather than that she NEEDS SOMETHING from him now! On an emotional level, at the very least

Then the other shoe drops and a woman realizes she is not only desirable to other people, but she may have a support network that also cherishes her

Kind of at that exact moment when the other shoe drops, a woman feels confident in her decision to move forward The relationship has already died a death of a thousand cuts, the grieving process has already been undergone for the woman, but it seems that it doesn't truly sink in for men until the moment the break is made official and she's in the arms of another man

I'm not saying this is the case for every woman, but there are infinite cases like this.

Whoreasaurus_Rex · 2024-09-11T13:43:47+00:00

even if they’ve had great experiences together

By whose account? Yours or hers?

serpensmercurialis · 2024-09-11T19:57:56+00:00

Anecdotally, I’ve had second and third dates which ended in intimacy and a real emotional connection, yet the women will often never up meet again. Do girls not get sentimental like guys?

Well, if the intimacy is bad…

Few_Advertising3430 · 2024-09-11T15:03:42+00:00

People will stop seeing you when they don’t see any future or have a strong connection. Getting emotional does not help when the decision is obvious, you have to put your emotions on the side.

learn2earn89 · 2024-09-11T16:58:46+00:00

Men and women do this.

TheMedsPeds · 2024-09-11T21:33:19+00:00

lol "women" it's not easy for me. I stayed with my husband even though he was borderline abusive when drunk. Stayed with him until he died.

The boyfriend after that I stayed with for a year too long. Dude worked but would not help with anything around the house, didn't cook, stopped trying. I had to beg him to leave the house with me. He basically gamed, worked and slept. The relationship was dead 9 months before I finally walked away.

Some of us stay. I stayed too long. I should have left my husband before being widowed. But once I start having feelings for someone it is very hard for me to walk away.

I am sure it's easier for other chicks. And I am sure it's easy for some men. Maybe don't make sweeping generlizations about 4 billion people though.

egalitarian-flan · 2024-09-11T13:55:35+00:00

I've only been in one relationship, and unless he gets a severe brain injury that completely alters his personality, I can't think of anything that could possibly make me leave him. Nothing. Knowing that he's very likely to die before me can even make me tear up a little at times. So I don't have any personal experience with what you are describing.

From what I can tell of other women leaving men they've been with for years, it could be that you're only seeing the happy, good parts of their relationship. It's easy to think someone has an amazing marriage when the only insight you have is what they show publicly. Behind closed doors can be extremely different. This goes both ways, in that either person could be narcissistic, abusive, domineering, cruel, unloving, etc.

So maybe she's finally leaving an asshole in order to have a better life free of pain with only tiny amounts of social media happiness, or she's the asshole leaving him because he's starting to grow a backbone. Either is a realistic possibility.

Sophiatab · 2024-09-11T20:43:02+00:00

It's not easy. Women just have more self-control. We have to in order to survive.

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-09-11T13:37:26+00:00

Depends on the woman and the couple. Most of the women I know are pretty sentimental with guys, usually more so than the guys are. Women often don't show that to men (if a man sees a heartbroken woman, he may prey on her vulnerability) so if you are one, that may be why you haven't seen it.

There are also plenty of reasons a person, man or woman, may decide to cut off after the 2nd or 3rd date. Maybe they weren't finding something specific they were looking for. Maybe they didn't experience the same emotion the guy did. I've broken off after a third date due to just feeling too awkward with the guy, and I've broken off after a second date due to picking up weird vibes (I picked up weird vibes on the first date, decided to give him a second chance just in case those vibes were just nervous jitters, and picked up more of them on the second date).

AutoModerator · 2024-09-11T13:27:33+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Professional_Chair28 · 2024-09-11T15:07:03+00:00

Depends on the level of connection. If we’re talking relationships I’ve noticed men move on faster than women, at least in my experience.

But focusing on early dating, women tend to date until they have the find no connection or chemistry. It often takes a few dates to gather all of the info, and once you have that data there’s no point in going further.

EqualSea2001 · 2024-09-11T13:42:44+00:00

I often wonder the opposite, that is how some women can put up with so much bs before finally leaving the man. But to be fair, that’s usually after they’ve fully committed to the guy.

If it’s still in the early stages, there could be hundreds of reasons. Maybe she was waiting to develop feelings but it never happened so she just moved on, maybe she likes another guy more, maybe she noticed a dealbreaker that she hadn’t noticed at the start, or maybe she’s just not looking for anything serious at the time.

MistyMaisel · 2024-09-11T15:29:48+00:00

I think this is pretty simple:

If it's a longer term relationship, she's been leaving you, you just didn't notice because of male disagreeability. She just finally pulled the trigger is all. But every single time you ignored her wishes, ignored what she said, did your own things, or weren't romancing her daily, you were eroding the connection and one day it simply snapped. The fact you had a connection good enough to form a LTR in the past doesn't change the present state of affairs. You've shown her through word and action that the past didn't mean very much to you...so why should it to her?
In shorter term early dating situations...she figured out you weren't compatible or that she's not ready or whatever. Why extend it out. Better to drop it and let the healing process start for all involved.

2a. I think people in general greatly overplay the level of intimacy had in early dating (especially if they're lonely or generally starved for connection). You probably spent less time with each other than I've spent playing Vampire the Masquerade on steam (and I didn't play much in case that isn't obvious). It wasn't nothing, but it wasn't some here to eternity great love. It was a good time and a nice moment. Moments end. She's more aware of that because it wasn't the big connection and intimate thing she was looking for.

We do get sentimental, but it tends to take a little longer for a lot of us because we're analyzing it more closely.

SmokeySunDrops · 2024-09-11T16:19:08+00:00

It's easier for women to walk away because we know there are other options. It's that simple

text-redacted · 2024-09-11T19:16:31+00:00

I've never walked away from a relationship personally. That being said, I think early on in a relationship it would be the most easy to walk away as you haven't had as much time to form such strong bonds. I have seen both men and women drop things early in the relationship because that's when it's easiest.

I don't rlly notice the phenomenon of women doing it more than men. Perhaps as a man who's had it happen to you, you notice it more as a "woman" thing. I guarantee you women who have felt slighted in the same way by men could be asking the same question lol.

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2024-09-11T15:27:36+00:00

Honestly, women aren't as romantic as men. We're far more practical. Plus, if a relationship isn't going to work then women tend to get the shit flung at you....it tends to foster the practicality. So there's no point in dragging it out, is there?

MonkeyTeals · 2024-09-11T17:34:44+00:00

It's just some how het/bi women are. But, some women are sentimental, some are not. Same with guys.

Positive-Emu-1836 · 2024-09-12T14:40:32+00:00

There’s a plethora of reasons imo these are the ones I think are most common.

-A they could be using you for sex or as a placeholder.

-B they just know you’re not compatible and don’t want to waste time

-C this is really for later relationships but maybe you did something bad and she just doesn’t want to put up with it.

womandatory · 2024-09-12T14:52:56+00:00

Most women who end a relationship left emotionally long before they physically leave.

As for ending things in the early stages of dating, many women now have their dealbreakers set, having known or being told that if he ignores your boundaries early, it’s better to just end it.

Women are getting more protective of a life well-lived without a man, so unless he actually brings something positive to the relationship instead of just taking from it, he’s not going to get a look-in, and if it’s been years and she has given him every opportunity to lean in and he’s still holding back, she’s going to cut and run.

apresonly · 2024-09-12T20:26:40+00:00

if he crosses a line, i lose interest

that line is the point where i can no longer imagine having a healthy future with him because of something he has said and done

if there's no possibility for that, then what is the point?

men are happy to be in toxic relationships, i'm not.

ATasteofTx214 · 2024-09-12T01:00:26+00:00

Even early on in the courting process, which is filled with excitement and emotion, women seem to have no qualms about walking away.

Casuslly dating multiple guys, and one of them escalates to exclusive relationship. Situationship/ FWB senses competition and starts lovebombing. Bored, anxious, tired of courting phase. No connection. Low arousal. Respects u and knows romantic feelings aren't mutual. Hopes you'll pursue more aggressively (wants cat + mouse chase). Guy indicated conflicting values (body count, feminism, 50/50, Redpill, etc)

Title	How are women able to walk away from a guy so easily?
Author	coolcorner1
Upvotes	99
Comments	430
Date	September 11, 2024 1:27 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1fea3uo/how_are_women_able_to_walk_away_from_a_guy_so/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-are-women-able-to-walk-away-from-a-guy-so.1530197 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530197

Comments