Why exactly does pornography bother you?

livs4dietdrpepper · 2022-02-18T23:10:40+00:00

I don’t have a problem with porn in general, In fact I love watching porn with my partners or having sex with porn on in the background. But I do have some stipulations, which I’m allowed to have and if you don’t want to follow them you don’t have to date me,

No paying, not only is it totally unnecessary(pornhub has enough for literally a lifetime),If you’re purchasing a women’s only fans because you specifically like her, I’m not cool with that, you can go try to date her, to me that is too personal and that money should be spent on your own life or our life together
It should not be an addiction or interfere with your or our daily life, if it has it has gone too far. If you’re neglecting work or regular daily life because you can’t stop watching porn, it’s a problem, and I feel the same way about video games or any hobby really
If it gets to the point where you’d rather watch porn and jack off than have sex with me, your living breathing girlfriend, just do us both a favor and break up with me so I can move on, if I’m not satisfying you, you can tell me and we can work on it, or we can break up, I’m not being second choice to a screen

I honestly think these are really fair and feel like most men would feel the same if their girl was into porn, if they’re too controlling for you I’d probably say we aren’t compatible anyway

barmitzvahmoney · 2022-02-19T04:03:44+00:00

I’ve had bad experiences with men who watched a lot of porn. To them it wasn’t a fantasy but a reality on what they were entitled to do to me and how I was suppose to act. Of course not all men are like this but when you have negative experiences it puts you on guard.

greedyleopard42 · 2022-02-19T04:24:18+00:00

not saying anything about how i feel personally but there are a few arguments

studies have shown that in some ways, the responses in your brain can’t tell the difference between porn and real sex.

some people just plain don’t want you fantasizing about other people while touching yourself- we live in an age where nude videos of your partner can be easily sent to you.

SOME studies have shown there may be a link between porn and reduced intimacy with your partner- gets you out of the “obsessed for them” mode. i kind of agree- i’ve experienced this. you have to try not watching it for a bit to really realize it though

unrealistic expectations for some- you may consciously know things aren’t like that, but subconsciously you have no choice but to associate certain things in your mind.

porn kills movement- this one i’ve actually seen a lot of men a part of. a lot of porn websites go seriously unchecked and can profit off of people who have been coerced into sex or just plain sexually assaulted- but that’s a problem with the industry really.

paying for porn is even worse to a lot of people.

bluestjuice · 2022-02-18T23:38:17+00:00

I agree with the posters who have ethical qualms about a lot of pornography, and I share those concerns, but those aren't the main reasons my partner's porn viewing can bother me.

It's really straight-up insecurity on my part - women get an enormous amount of socialization, especially in Western cultures, to compare themselves unfavorably to a hypothetical ideal, and porn feeds directly into that because it is both so highly-produced and simultaneously so intimate. Objectively, I know that my partner probably isn't comparing me to a porn star, or comparing the real sex we have together to scenes in porn, and I believe him when he says that the pleasure of a porn-accompanied fap is not the same as the pleasure of real sex with me. Nevertheless, that small insecure corner in the back of my brain perceives it as an indictment of our sex life and a threat to my happiness in the relationship.

Is this stupid emotions being stupid? Definitely. Am I always working on building up my own security in my relationship and general self-worth in the hopes that (among other things) it wouldn't bother me? Certainly. It's also still true that a healthy relationship dynamic for me requires that a partner understand my ambivalence in this area and be willing to respect my feelings and talk through my emotions about it from time to time.

GlumManufacturer1557 · 2022-02-18T23:21:37+00:00

Porn addiction has a ton of negative effects, everyone knows that, so I'll consider you're talking about a healthy consumption.

The thing is a lot of women don't feel confortable with their partners fantasizing about fucking other chicks. Like, imagine if your girlfriend had an only fans. Most ppl would consider that cheating. So the girl producing that content is cheating on her boyfriend but the guys watching it aren't? That doesn't make sense.

WYenginerdWY · 2022-02-19T01:37:36+00:00

I think giving ultimatums are unproductive, if you tell a guy not to watch porn and he wants to watch porn, he's just going to go behind your back and do it anyway. Better to observe and if he naturally seems more enthralled by artificially enhanced female bodies and over-acted sex than relations with his partner, just bounce.

My preference would be to be in a relationship where my partners commitment goes deep enough that at some point, jacking off to Instagram baddie #168 seems hollow/lonely and he instead thinks "oh, you know what, I'd rather do this with my wife".

ruboyuri · 2022-02-19T02:56:47+00:00

Because men want to act it out.

They can’t just leave it on their phones, so it becomes our business

Over_Noise3530 · 2022-02-18T23:17:09+00:00

If it's keeping me from having sex as much as I want then I have a problem. If it's making a guy push for anal or a threesome then I have a problem. Otherwise I don't care

DonQOnIce · 2022-02-18T22:58:36+00:00

I think pornography is typically exploitative. I’m sure people who only ethically source their porn exist, but I have never met such a person.

Federal_Bat_5355 · 2022-02-19T01:08:22+00:00

It would be a dealbreaker if:

They didn't prefer me over the porn.
They expected me to become like a personal porn actress... (Expecting certain reactions from me is basically asking me to faking my reactions)
They have a desire to put themselves in the scene. It's okay to want to do an act, but not okay to wish they had been there themselves.
They were addicted to it.
They compared my body to those in porn.
They tried to convince me to join them.
They found something I'm not comfortable with and try to convince me to do it or try to find girls elsewhere to do it with them. At this point it's just sexual incompatibility, but in this case I do think it was brought about by the porn so I'm including it here.

So yes, it bothers me a little... I personally don't watch porn. I have a really low sex drive unless I'm in a relationship, but I don't get horny enough to do it without my partner. I would rather just wait, so I can't see the appeal of porn myself, which might be why it bothers me.

sarkington · 2022-02-18T22:59:29+00:00

Acts and porn dick

And I don’t want to see or talk about porn

Just like you don’t want to see or hear about the Kardashians or tampons

chalkandapples · 2022-02-18T23:12:11+00:00

It doesn't bother me as long as it doesn't have a negative impact on the relationship. Personally I just want to be with someone that's not super obsessed with sex, and too much porn is an indication of that.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-02-18T23:16:26+00:00

I think there are ethical issues with watching it. It has adverse psychological effects and can affect your views of sex and your sex life even if you know it's a fantasy. A lot of it is violent or degrading or has other content I'd be uncomfortable to know someone I was with actively sought out and wanted. I don't see sex as a mere commodity to be bought and sold and watched at will. If you watch it when you please, I'll date you when I please, which is never.

mooncattreecat · 2022-02-18T23:10:24+00:00

Because many of the girls are sex trafficked and even the girls who are there voluntarily don't know who is who. Because the trafficked girls can't talk.

Also you don't know what they're going to make you do until you're on set and you have like 2 minutes to say yes or no and if you say no NO ONE on set gets paid and you get a rep for 'being difficult' so won't find future work. That's coercion not consent. And the viewer will never know.

ClaraBow01 · 2022-02-19T04:35:19+00:00

Porn increases sexual aggression and the vast majority of it is degrading to women. Porn is made with the specific intention of sexually gratifying the viewer, typically with a male viewer in mind. Real films are made to tell stories. I would never want my partner watching porn because I fear it will result in them mistreating me. I don’t want a partner who sees women as sex objects. His morals don’t alight with mine so I’m not dealing with him unless he is willing to seek help. How is a man like that going to raise a daughter? The fact that you aren’t being sympathetic to your gf’s perspective shows how porn has made you feel sexually entitled. I have heard way too many stories of women being assaulted by their boyfriends because their boyfriends wanted to copy something from porn. Women getting choked during sex is on the rise, as well as many other violent sex acts, primarily because of porn. Nobody needs porn and they never had. Men went for thousands of years without porn. You have no good reason to watch porn when you have a girlfriend and you are a grown adult (presumably) who can control your sex drive. If I found out my partner was watching porn, I would have him see a therapist because it’s a problem. I don’t want to see any comments about me being ‘jealous’ or ‘insecure’, because that just a cop out for men who don’t want to do any self-reflection on their place in society. My mom was told that very thing when she criticized a male acquaintance for going to strip clubs. Many years later after he had a daughter and told my mom that she was right all along.

42nanaimobars · 2022-02-18T23:03:23+00:00

It seems weird and gross.

Edit: and immoral.

goatismycopilot · 2022-02-18T23:22:47+00:00

I have found porn gross. A lot of time it is people doing weird shit I don't want to see, experience, or fantasize about. Once I find out somebody I am dating plans to watch anal corpse porn any time he pleases I am just going to be like nope I am out.

I am not into ultimatums, waste of my time.

But I am jot concerned that somebody is going to act on the fantasy. I am creeper out by the fantasy.

I understand intellectually that a lot of men ate into some super creepshow stuff and they should have the freedom to be creepshow folks etc etc.

Working in healthcare especially pediatrics the threads of connection at the family level between porn, drug abuse, violence, shitty parenting, and trauma I cannot unsee all those results. Too much.

I can't have any of that in my personal life so if you want to jack off to midget elderly porn with squirrels and figure skaters you do you just stay away from me. There are plenty of chicks out there who are all porn is great I love porn let's watch people shitting on on another together it will be a bonding experience so I will be like cool cool go date miss porn positive and live your life.

death_by_1000_cats · 2022-02-18T23:08:14+00:00

You're actively seeking out other women for the purposes of sexual gratification. It might not be "cheating" in a technical sense but it's unfaithful.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-02-18T23:51:19+00:00

Idgaf about porn so as long as:

it doesn't interfere with our daily life
you don't start copying/expecting porn sex
you don't get addicted.
you try not consume porn from dodgy sites (e.g. Sites that won't take down revenge porn etc)

Honestly I'd prefer men use OF than porn. I feel like at least the content creates there have more control over their work

LVMScrote · 2022-02-19T03:32:49+00:00

I would understand my girl having a problem with it if I preferred it to sex with her, or needed it to become aroused. Even spending money on it I would understand being weird. But none of those things apply. I prefer to fuck her than any other sexual activity. Usually even put porn away and think about some awesome experience with her to finish.

Sufficient-Night-958 · 2022-02-19T04:46:13+00:00

Creates unrealistic expectations

srqfla · 2022-02-19T07:08:49+00:00

The reason why women hate pornography is because it replaces their sole agency over men....Sexual gratification. Watching porn and masturbating is fundamentally unhealthy for men, and it is a poor substitute for having a relationship with a woman. But it is an alternative.

There is no equivalent activity women can engage in that is as equally threatening to a man. I dare women to name one.

LiftSushiDallas · 2022-02-18T23:00:34+00:00

It doesn't at all. I couldn't care less what porn my boyfriend watches. How we get off in private is OUR business. He doesn't give a damn about the literotica I read.

wtknight · 2022-02-18T23:17:04+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2022-02-18T22:54:53+00:00

It doesn't

womandatory · 2022-02-19T10:59:12+00:00

Almost all porn exploits women, dehumanizes, abuses and degrades them. It creates a need for trafficking of women and children. It’s full of non consensual content. It fetishizes racism, gender identification, misogyny, domestic violence and pedophilia.

Beyond that, it makes men sexually selfish, creates unrealistic expectations and reduces empathy in men. Regular use can cause desinstitization, increase dissatisfaction in a relationship, increase the chances of infidelity, create a desire to seek out increasingly perverted content and cause erectile dysfunction.

Women are waking up to porn sickness in men. Other women’s naked, sexualized bodies have no place in a monogamous relationship. Good on her for setting a boundary and enforcing it.

Men who watch porn have poor self control. It’s a very unattractive quality in a man.

turnedoutinprison · 2022-02-19T00:41:17+00:00

Most of it just looks corny and fake. I feel bad for the folks involved.

LittyKitsune · 2022-02-19T00:04:08+00:00

In my personal opinion, trying to police a man's sexuality on the basis of "muh feelings" is a fruitless effort.

My moral opposition to it is based in religious values. I make my beliefs clear from the start, and any man who isn't down for it can walk at any time.

That said, I place more value in the striving than the success, in accordance with my faith. If he is trying to avoid porn but slips up or struggles with an actual addiction, I think there is room for grace and understanding. Going cold turkey overnight isn't easy. Appreciate the milestones. If going a week without it is a big deal for him, so be it. You gotta start somewhere.

Feisty-Saturn · 2022-02-18T23:09:22+00:00

It doesn’t bother me.

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Orange_Paisley · 2022-02-18T23:04:13+00:00

It doesn’t bother me but neither does it interest me.

Rubia_Divina · 2022-02-19T00:55:45+00:00

This is a very antiquated view, honestly both genders want variety.

raisins697 · 2022-02-19T01:16:42+00:00

Guys watch porn, and become accustomed to fake orgasms.

I had a porn addiction. The issue is that it’s like you tend to mirror it because it starts to be the source of your arousal so of course you do those things, then become agitated when it doesn’t get you off. The ppl in porn are not getting off, so why are we doing those things lol. I’m female btw, so that’s my perspective, and my issue.

Otherwise I don’t see a problem other then then it giving guys a false impression of how to get me off .

Like the lack of clit stimulation alone is….. I get it’s not mandatory but damn is it useful… fake orgasms…. Cmon.

kingtobiasoliver · 2022-02-19T02:02:36+00:00

Just to throw in my quick opinion: it bothers me personally because of the idea that my partner is fantasizing about someone else. I've never had problems with it logically, but I can't help how I feel. I just don't let those feelings control me. As long as porn doesn't become an obsession or encroach upon sex, I'm fine with it.

To briefly touch on some things that I've seen you say in replies: I think it's dumb that you're not okay with a potential gf having an OnlyFans, but then again, I wouldn't want a partner that did sexual acts and posted them, so I guess I get it. Still, you should make your intentions on that matter clear, and just break up with someone if they do have an OnlyFans and you can't handle it. Especially if that's their main source of income, don't try to make them choose between their job and you, because then you're actually being controlling.

mandoa_sky · 2022-02-19T10:57:33+00:00

i always knew when my ex watched porn because he went soft a lot faster.

Yardael · 2022-02-19T13:08:09+00:00

Many comments talk about ethics and men getting strange ideas about sex practices. True but not what it's really about. It's about this.

Women holds keys to the bedroom fun. Men need to have sex due to testosterone. She can use it as control mechanism punishment/reward. If you can't watch porn(jerking off is included in that I guarantee that) she has this leverage. You jerking off freely removes this and makes her unsecure due to loss of control. I could literally graph availability of sex in my marriage and it matched my paycheck days and whatever special domestic labour I done that improved our lives.

WAGMIBFAA · 2022-02-19T02:21:34+00:00

Not a chick but watching porn and jacking off is loser behaviour. You’re getting off staring a pixels on a screen of two people having sex while you sit alone somewhere. If you need to bust a nut that bad have sex.

doggiedoc2004 · 2022-02-19T02:50:43+00:00

My biggest issue with the pervasiveness of porn, especially hard core porn is that this is often young males first experience with sexuality. I do not think it benefits anyone for a 12 year old boy to see and possibility have their sexuality/desires/turn ons influenced by choking, slapping, double ass fucking videos and all the other depraved shit one click away.

I have an 11 year old boy and he will not have a smart phone or personal tablet until 16. His computer is in the family room w lots of blocking software. But I know he will see it at some point. Most parents do not lock their boys media down. His friends have phones. He will see it and it will make me sad because porn is not the way to learn how to treat or please or communicate with girls.

And of course all the other issues, violence normalization, exploitation, racism, rape and incest porn. I mean what the fuck all you men. Seriously what the fuck. I can enjoy some vanilla sensual erotica and video porn. It’s sad so many men get off to some of that shit out there.

Any guy who centered porn in their life to the point I noticed it, or I found the some sick porn like rape or incest, or it influenced our sex life would be a no go for me.

silveryspoons · 2022-02-19T03:48:19+00:00

Men masturbating to women being raped should disturb everyone.

MussNochOptimieren · 2022-02-19T00:23:52+00:00

Woman here. I love porn. Never understood why men watching porn = bad.

lonely_mixtape · 2022-02-19T00:16:32+00:00

I consider it to be unfaithful. It's obviously better than him getting those kinds of videos and pictures at the source, but I find it unpleasant to think that he's actively admiring other women's naked forms. I don't make solid rules though. I would prefer he didn't, but I'm not going to break up with him for watching it. When me and my partner got together he had already decided to not watch porn, and I decided to kick my habits as well. Even if we give in sometimes, what's important to me is that we both make an effort to refrain from it.

CatchPhraze · 2022-02-19T00:54:26+00:00

Do you enjoy your woman posting thirst traps in her social media?

radical_kama · 2022-02-19T03:21:48+00:00

Degenerate voyerism.

Snickerpoodlezz · 2022-02-19T03:54:41+00:00

It normalises child sexual abuse and violence against women.

quiturbitchn · 2022-02-19T07:35:05+00:00

I don’t allow porn if you’re fucking me. You can either have a sexually fulfilling relationship in real life or with your hand but I won’t allow both.

Kaleidoscopiquant · 2022-02-19T01:50:08+00:00

Because it changes the way guys have sex and what they want from you in bed.

I have been with a lot of men, and there is a HUGE difference between those who came up with free online porn and those who didn't. Sex with the latter type is a million times hotter for me.

Adventurous_Health93 · 2022-02-19T05:23:27+00:00

For starters, most porn is very unrealistic. Fake boobs, shaved asshole, a girl who can ride a dick longer than 5 minutes. Not only is it setting an unrealistic standard for women but because of this unrealistic standard and the pressure put on women to be pretty or hot or whatever makes women insecure, like they're in competition with other women. Sometimes people are taken for granted, unappreciated, unnoticed and just slept on, so when we see you put effort into getting off to some random unrealistic porn stars it makes ya wonder why you can't put that effort into making me feel special enough to not be insecure over some porn.

Mimoxs · 2022-02-18T23:56:26+00:00

I only mind real porn bc it makes me feel gross to look at and makes me feel gross knowing I'm with someone who looks at it. And bc the industry is rampant with rape and trafficking

I'm fine with like hentai and 3D animated porn though. So you can't cry about it being jealousy over female bodies lol. If he wants to blow it to zero two tiddies that's fine

Frajnir-9 · 2022-02-19T01:23:05+00:00

Most of it is unethical. Not just human trafficking is involved, but tons of videos are of non consensual practices (r*pe, child p, even revenge p is in this pages). Don’t try to say that you “don’t consume” this. This content is usually front page in most of this websites = most views
generates weird expectations of sex. Also, most of this porn doesn’t care about the real pleasure of women and paint women as sex toys.
even if you are an actor/actress, contracts are abusive. Mia Khalifa is a great example of how the industry and the consumers abuse the actors/actresses. Yes, she signed. But it’s still abusive.

And lastly, people can have different boundaries. She expressed hers, if you want to stay, respect them.

Imho I am not comfortable with my partner watching porn. Of course, there is a difference between a bit vs an addiction/regular thing and which type of porn is it (I wouldn’t be able to date someone that enjoys people getting rped/abused. Even if that’s a fantasy, if somebody gets excited by it, I don’t want it by my side)

pinoyboy93 · 2022-02-19T00:22:11+00:00

r/antipornography in a nutshell lmao

Total weirdos

philomexa · 2022-02-19T01:13:10+00:00

It doesn't, just don't be a fucking weirdo with it.

houstongradengineer · 2022-02-19T01:39:19+00:00

I told her no I'll watch it whenever I please.

I hope she told you you can watch anything you want when you're single lol.

In my ideal relationship, I would be fully monogomous and we would not look at other people or fantasize about other specific people specifically. If we weren't at least working towards that, I would say we were sexually incompatible. Of course we will both notice other people, but that should pass because we only have one life to live and that life is full enough of other things without sexual videos of people you'll never even know in person. I'm not even usually compatible with swingers or people who had a lot of causal sex, but I think I'd be even more incompatible with someone who thinks a silly sex video is a good common sexual aid. Seems intrusive and unerotic to me. Now, everybody makes mistakes, but once I'm in a sexual relationship with someone we should be able to agree porn is a mistake. If not, it's bye bye.

CryBeginning · 2022-02-19T02:42:40+00:00

I would say that her expecting you to watch NO porn is unrealistic but if you are “porn sick” you should probably give that shit up and take her advice. Also paying for porn is a definite no no.

Side note- watching porn has no positives so i really don’t get why its such a big issue for you to even consider giving up. At the end of the day if you don’t want to change you don’t want to change but it sounds to me like you would be dumping a HVW for a potential LVW instead of just getting on a higher level and becoming the HVM she wants.

lighthouse4me · 2022-02-19T08:25:23+00:00

It bothers only that woman who is trying to build, or already feeling, an emotional connection with you. It is all rooted in the idea of exclusivity in relationships. A woman who is not serious, or never seriously wants to get serious, will never ask you something like that (as in, stop watching porn). Its your total dependency on porn for your fantasies that bothers her I think.

OP let me ask you this - can you totally refrain from watching porn for next 1 week?

If you find yourself saying "I don't think I want to stop even for 1 week" then I think its time we go into a fantasy of our own right now.

(Please mind, its only a fantasy, I am not an actual future predictor)

Here is what could happen-

By the end of year 2022 your porn intake will increase by 100% of what it is today
By the end of year 2023 your porn addiction will be increased by 300% of what it is today. You will start expecting
By the end of year 2024 you will be watching pornographic material every possible minute of your day. Your dating life will take a serious hit.
By the end of year 2025 you will be start spending some money in porn bills, you will have no interest in actual women.
By the end of year 2026 you will have a regular porn expenditure and your dating life will be non-existent.
By the end of year 2027 you will start exploring contact with actual sex workers. Forget all about dating at this point.
By the end of year 2028 you will start developing ED and depression. You will date again but very short relationships which lead to nowhere.
By the end of year 2029 you will start exploring ways of ending your porn addiction. You will commit to a woman who won't be someone you like or love, but who gives you the impression that she won't leave you inspite of your addiction.
By the end of year 2030 you will have made recovery from your addiction 3 times, only to relapse back into it.
By the end of year 2031 you will be in counselling for porn addiction. The person you are committed to will continue to support you because she feels pity and has no better options.
By the end of year 2032 you will once again be trying to recover from your addiction, taking it slowly, fully committed to not watching porn for the next 1 week.

Good luck

Equivalent-Step-4557 · 2022-02-19T01:03:21+00:00

Pffft. I hope she gets her daily eye candy, fantasizes about them while having sex with you, all fair game for her

_virgo-virago_ · 2022-02-18T23:00:01+00:00

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wtknight · 2022-02-18T23:16:20+00:00

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wtknight · 2022-02-18T23:33:02+00:00

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dexandbop · 2022-02-19T01:17:08+00:00

Only a problem if they’d rather watch porn than have sex/or our sex life suffers in some way (and before you say something smart, I’m an enthusiastic partner who’s in good shape and willing to try new things- so choosing porn over me would have nothing to do with “starfishing” and yes, I have an ex who had a chronic limp dick in the bedroom due to porn addiction)

Anyhow, as long as our sex life isn’t affected, and we’re having sex regularly, do what you want

nobodysomebodyanybdy · 2022-02-19T01:51:37+00:00

I’m not ~against~ porn per se. I just have no interest in it at all. It doesn’t turn me on and I just find it offputting unless it’s our own videos.

I don’t want to see or hear my partner watching porn nor do I want to incorporate playing it in the bedroom.

If I don’t notice, I don’t care.

hemaristhysbe · 2022-02-19T03:08:05+00:00

I watch porn. Husband watches porn. It’s a substitute or a supplement. Take it or leave it.

If I find myself single again I’d never date a man under 30-35 for fear he suffers death grip or fixation on hilarious, one-sided fetishes. I like sex. I have choices. I don’t like problems. And I have a solid, unshakeable aversion to fetishes.

thebesttoaster · 2022-02-19T03:09:09+00:00

I don't mind porn as in I don't mind my partner seeking sexual gratification in watching other (unknown) people having sex. This is totally fine, I don't see the issue

But I do mind porn in the same way I mind sex work: I'm against it. And yeah, don't give me the freedom bullcrap: of course they're (at least most, I hope) adults and are doing it by choice. But if this "choice" was so dope, more educated, rich women would be doing it. It's male on female abuse made for profit.

This is my stance as a lesbian.

If I dated men, there would be one other thing: porn fucked up men's minds. Bad.

KillaKyleKlan · 2022-02-22T01:49:03+00:00

I have a big problem with porn. It's a temptation that fucks with a man's natural drive, his sex drive. It's unhealthy af.

masochisticanalwhore · 2022-02-22T16:11:32+00:00

It doesn't bother me.

Glittering_Ad_1415 · 2022-02-19T01:18:32+00:00

Your ancestors had to earn their sex. Men see porn and all of a sudden, incels. They think they don’t need to do anything for sex anymore. They think they’re OWED it. Men live the fantasy of being Chad in porn and are mad when it isn’t like that in real life.

wtknight · 2022-02-19T00:14:54+00:00

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Aimeereddit123 · 2022-02-19T03:37:30+00:00

Because I don’t want to see it. I’d gladly die without seeing another naked man besides my husband until I die, and I deserve a spouse that feels the same about me. I’m the only naked woman in my house and he’s the only naked man. I’m always down for sex with my husband. It’s our favorite thing to do. We never withhold from each other, so there would be zero point to porn. It’s simple at our house. I do have sympathy for anyone that uses porn because their partner denies sex. If I denied sex, I would EXPECT my partner to use it. If I never give him a reason to need it, there’s no reason to use it.

HuntressAndGoat · 2022-02-19T03:42:23+00:00

Mostly due to the TOTAL NON REALIZM... I want to cum too ..i want to climax also. 100 % of the time. man CUMS. I want to feel that also.. But too often its not as important to a MAN. To experience the pure pleasure of giving a woman a true climax ... Otherwise bring on the FEMALE CLIMAXING PORN!!!

DillonTheFatUglyMale · 2022-02-19T05:06:08+00:00

They are jealous

lingualistic · 2022-02-19T07:21:34+00:00

It makes you shitty in bed. And creepy. And want to do painful/gross shit. And it’s pathetic.

gimpgirl555 · 2022-02-19T07:40:26+00:00

What I'm curious about is why does a fantasy that most men know women don't actually want to engage in bother you guys so much?

I love porn. It has shown me how to please men sexually.

Lots of women hate porn because it makes men expect them to fuck. And many women don't want to do that.

Better_Nebula_9790 · 2022-02-19T09:59:26+00:00

A guy that’s still watching porn isn’t mature enough for a relationship. Find someone else. People undervalue discipline so much these days.

boomawangg · 2022-02-19T04:08:09+00:00

It's because they're insecure about themselves and it hurts their self esteem when their guy is thinking about other women.

Reisiluu · 2022-02-19T00:55:59+00:00

Because I don't get as much sex.

Tiny-Pigeonss · 2022-02-19T01:28:00+00:00

I feel like it depends on what it is. If people are getting seriously hurt, obviously on drugs, signs of human trafficking, obviously underage, then I'd say that's a major problem. If it's a fun story where the housewife can't afford to pay for the pizza and has to make a deal, then go for it.

Classic_Head3437 · 2022-02-19T02:09:33+00:00

I'm more curious why young people have some need to unburden their souls about their bodycount and masturbation habits to their partner.

DivineDaedra · 2022-02-19T02:25:17+00:00

It doesn’t bother me. My husband and I consume it both together and on our own.

If it became an addiction or got in the way of our sex life that would be a problem but as it stands that’s not a concern for me. I’d take issue with illegal stuff as well but porn in general is fine by me.

universic · 2022-02-19T02:30:19+00:00

Honestly there’s no one size fits all rule here. I enjoy watching porn and I don’t mind if my partner engages with it, sometimes we even watch it together if we want to spice it up. I think it’s an alright tool to have in your toolbox if you want to amp up your arousal. But some individuals are against it and if that’s a boundary they want to draw with their partner, fine.

Porn addiction and unhealthy consumption that leads to unreasonable expectations is where I’d draw the line though.

Castracani · 2022-02-19T03:18:15+00:00

Where does hentai fall on peoples radars? Like 80% of my total faps have been to doujins/mangas, still images or hentai captions.

Academic_Snow_7680 · 2022-02-19T04:47:23+00:00

Only porn where people are being hurt, degraded or taken advantage of bothers me.

And the fact that it gives a lot of guys twisted ideas and erectile dysfunction.

Ipaintbbws · 2022-02-19T05:58:14+00:00

Because it’s not all sourced ethically from actresses that are consenting and stay consenting to being watched as porn. Shit sucks when a beautiful woman exposes herself and then can’t move on with her life because she was an actress.

EcocentristicEchoist · 2022-02-19T08:46:04+00:00

Imho, I think that overall, people who are unreasonable about porn (as in your case, versus reasonable boundaries like u/livs4dietdrpepper talked about) are so because of insecurity.

They assume far too much, assign undue 'value' to it, etc. They don't believe that it's meaningless. They believe that its use is indicative of something against them; that it means they aren't enough, that they aren't attractive, that they are doing something wrong, etc.

People who feel this way generally have a kinds of assumption that being loved/appreciated means that their partner will cease to see anyone else as attractive at all. It's irrational, and hypocritical (because they absolutely can see others as attractive themselves, though they might not masturbate to said people, and very likely won't use porn).

Often it's because they have a diminished ability to see themselves as attractive/desirable. So believing that someone finds them to be that is difficult, and someone using porn is "proof" that their insecurity "was right" that they AREN'T actually desirable, or attractive, or good enough, or- whatever.

There are cases of people who just don't like porn and have other reasons for being opposed to it, but overall, it's because of insecurity to one degree or another.

In such cases, it's really not that they don't trust you to love(etc) them, as much as they don't trust themselves to be lovable. It's a damn shame, especially how common it is... There are different ways to deal with it, to help them learn to live themselves and see themselves as worthy of love- and it's up to you whether you want to do that, or just try to find someone else who doesn't have such issues.

Sorry this was so long, I just feel like this is something that a lot of people come across, but the most common cause of isn't recognized or discussed- so I wanted to bring it up.

Obvious-Bread8144 · 2022-02-19T13:02:31+00:00

Well porn was less problematic once I realized porn tends to end up being mostly women for whom larger is better, or, large is minimum, etc.my correction.happened for being overly long weighing out whether or not porn impressions had revealed to me information universally true always? Or was porn type sex contextual? True for those. But in other contexts perhaps the opposite What porn does is how a woman having intense or impactful experiences, my calm, and non-arousal make it that her experience defines mine. So. I had a disease where the medicine literally killed about 60-75 of my nerve receptors in my organs. Permanently. So, with a partner and some ground rules, some opportunity will arise, in a very limited context, li perform. But unlike before, now, her arousal level, and her satisfaction, is twice as important. Actually a condition. Unless she is, I cant. So when alone, It's 100% moee likely impossible: can not get hard. Can not feel anything. Unable to climax . Now, I require porn. Without it, I still have the appetite for sex??? Like, the psychological need where beauty and femininity once I'm aware of someone I like , sometimes it's only once I satisfy the desire to have a sexual cycling, that I get my mind back. Can focus on, and be absorbed by other things. So, arousal for me, is an irritant. If I'm 20% aroused, then I lost %20 focus, I'm less capable , of succeeding at everything and I'm 20% more lìkeku to make errors. I used to assume that what is true of porn was true everywhere and true of everyone. I realized porn had caused impressions that were more than they should have been..and how porn influences me it creates issues for me, that are unique to me. Statistuxally, my penis size Is the median. 5.5 inches.. Porn likely 90% he is 7, at minimum BUT, the porn industry screens out anything below 7". So, easy to judge and hate yourself. Because, as data ,the average guy has himself, and actors I felt better when porn I stopped acting like me and porn defines who I am. Its not even 1%"of worldwide sexuality. What is least often the case, when comparing himself to porn , and to what extent a guy cant help himself for how porn defines who he is, porn is less an issue once you got rid of "larger is always better' or the even worse one: "large Is the minimum Commercial porn, it ends up 100% of the females, that is almost certainly true. And most likely almost always trùe

But guys will struggle and porn will be toxic and cause shame, until a guy stops assuming what is true of porn sex is true of all sex everywhere

The other thing, Is, when I had no skill in my sexuality, and had no sexual knowledge or study , no info no experience, and no other influences,and no means or opportunity or desire to improve, back then , yes, porn made me hate myself for wfaf I was not. And also I hated everyone in porn and all the women having sex,,because, on some level, I was ignorant so I didn't know why or that I was doing this. But I knew myself. Could never have hardly ant sex. I knew what sex opportunities,I would have, would be not nearly as good for my inexperience etc.

Lastly, until age 28, from likely age 20 or so, porn gave me my best and likely only sex. Once I had gotten a shit ton of therapy and years and years of meditation and focus plus I studied up on what issues Christian guys usually have. What problems can typical christianity cause. Plus g5uy issues in general Before that I had so much shame and my sexual identity i hated and that became sadly more, I hated everything of me. So much secrecy. But I worshipped sex and my sexual aspect and porn sex in private. .

1, I was also automatically rejecting female advances and attention. And interest. Too. Because christianity is sex toxic men and women. Also its commitment toxic. Which usually results in split strategy or dual personality, or inhibition. With pain on stimulus and more.

For me it numbed me. And I rejected all sex everywhere. I had to very intentionally rehabilitate myself. To learn the relaxation. Process. And 10 years later, when I get ashamed or get ashamed, before I was totally out of control,anytime I got too aroused. Compulsive mastyrbatio. And it felt unreal. Like someone else

But also at times if someone else found an angle or way to get In and get me in a corner, or emotionally engaged aka, any woman who could make enough drama and put me in it and see that I was kept there, anyone who did that basically I'd give in. Give up. They could make me do anything. I would do anything and everythi g.

See Shane and hate numbs at low arousal. Your sexuality is deadened or dead. But it blocks you from developing control and controls so the inevitable result is NOT you end up in the middle somewhere

Chancess are very heavily weighted That your sexuality only manifest at the extremes. High drama. Adrenaline. Porn. Risky sex like public sex. Spontaneous sex with strangers etcetx

It's because my whole identity was repressed and depressed. But so then, all my drives and desires and passion and appreciation, etc, that should have been enjoyments elsewhere..

All that hunger and appetite only came to life for my secret pirn habit and what few times a woman successfully put me on a spot and made me

That's the labels therapists use. But, to clarify, I refer to ability to perceive stimulation, And capacity to appreciate stimulation, aka, how much a stimulus can effect you, based on how aware and how sensitized are you. Also a factor is how when sexual identity is formed by toxic influences, or determined early on by trauma, one never forms ability to control aka, stop, ignore, block, or negate effect. Because or along with never developing any conscious awareness. Not of their own. Not of others. Not when it's happening not even of the functioning of systems part of sex but other things too

So I don't know. Toxic christianity made it possible..but porn is the #1 actor, of all things, and as far as impact porn is the biggest influence in my life timeline leading to who I am today.

spoiledsweet · 2022-02-19T13:26:00+00:00

I was trafficked into porn and know firsthand it’s not as ethical as it can look.

I don’t want my friends and partners to hate it. That sounds religiously based. I’m agnostic. I can’t hate something I once identified with, that to some degree we all identify with. That’s where I think you’re mistaken. These are fantasies made for us to identify with, if not literally then emotionally.

An ultimatum sounds like a sign of deeper issues in your relationship than this, so I would not go about it that way, but I too would not want to be with someone who consumes porn. It’s not bad or wrong, it just shows a lack of understanding. Which is fine but not where I am or want my friends to be.

I don’t hate it, I don’t love it, I understand it, and I want to be with someone who understands it too. I stripped for about six years. I accept the sex industry in general, the dehumanizing and life-giving and utterly ordinary parts of it. I accept that it exists and understand why it does. I now refuse to support the sex industry in any way, except by directly paying the men and women doing the work.

This means, contrary to most people’s understanding, I find it more ethical to directly send or give a sex worker money than to watch one of “her” videos on a hosting site or even to buy a dance from her at a club. That’s my ethical viewpoint.

This is even more personal than, say, Pornhub. That means, in a relationship, both people have to know about it. Or else there’s no backbone to relationship and it’s been dead. There’s no gray area—it’s together or nothing.

All in all I just don’t have a taste for commercialized sex anymore. It’s overly sweet like candy. I used to maybe be addicted to watching porn when I was stripping. I was in denial of how much both were harming me.

At the time, it was educational material, more or less (less). It didn’t affect my job like most addictions do, rather it made me more money, but belonging to the sex industry affected my life, I’d say for the worse. I am happier, more present in my life, and more whole for leaving it.

I didn’t have to quit watching porn. As my mind became full with other fascinating subjects and beautiful emotions, commercial sex just took a backseat. It’s not in my mind anymore except for times like now when I discuss my memory of it. I don’t consider it an option.

It’s like sucrose. Possibly nutritious, but fructose is better, and even that in moderation. The less you have, the less you want it. You can’t quit, you can only replace.

I’d like to be with someone who has been through this, understands, and has come out cleaner. Like me

juicyjuicery · 2022-02-19T14:26:21+00:00

Because it’s objectifying people. It objectifies men, women, and leads you to objectify yourself and your partner. I find men who watch a lot of porn begin to view themselves as a cock and a wallet - and also act that way: useless at social interactions, planning dates, remembering special events, expect women to do all labor (mental and physical), have outrageously stereotyped standards (eg, unsaid expectations) for how women should think, feel and act

blondie-- · 2022-02-19T14:39:12+00:00

As someone who has been the victim of "wrong hole" more than once or twice, I find that it influences the sort of sex men expect. I don't want to be spit on, slapped, degraded, fucked in the ass, choked, or get held down deepthroating until I'm gasping for air. And yet, when I freak out when that is done to me, I'm somehow a prude. The last guy I dated wasn't into porn, and it was really nice. He cared about what I wanted, was gentle, and would tell me that he loved me instead of calling me a little slut. While we didn't work out, he did show me what it's like to be genuinely respected in the bedroom.

I'm still more likely to date women going forward because have you seen us, but if I ever go for another man, it won't be one who watches porn.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-02-20T15:13:35+00:00

You're burying the lead here. What's the "fantasy" that's important.

shepskybuddy · 2022-02-21T16:50:11+00:00

I have no problem with the idea of my other half watching porn, as long as it doesn't turn into an addiction.

My concerns would be around some of the extreme and illegal stuff that can be found on some porn sites

As long as it's consenting adults and he is watching in moderation I don't see a problem

Emergency-Regret6974 · 2022-02-19T11:19:11+00:00

It depends. If I look at r/ladybonersgw, it's porn, but there are no women being called bitch or getting jackhammered or being choked.

You're going to find that in a lot of porn, so it's going to affect a man's relationship with women. I also think porn's tendency to have the female actresses get horny at the drop of the hat is totally unrealistic - and men internalize that women are really horny and ready for sex all the time. We just aren't.

Besides that, I think the industry is full of bad people (like everyone who enabled Ron Jeremy, lily cade, James Deen etc), and I think in some cases "amateur porn" it's actually a rape that was videotaped and uploaded. Rose Kalemba was raped at 14 and the video was on Pornhub, for example. And honestly the way #visavictims came about or that porn actor saying stuff like "I provide the underage experience" has really got to me. I think it's just a shitty industry.

I think it would be fair if a bf or husband objected to his gf or wife to spending two hours scrolling through r/ladybonersgw every day, saving pics, sharing pics with those guys, developing a "relationship" with them, etc. Realistically a lot of men who watch porn go out of their way to talk to porn actresses. And I have a hard time believing they don't send them dick pics or emotional messages or money. So another reason is simple jealousy.

emziewemziee · 2022-02-19T13:35:01+00:00

it’s proven that porn affects your brain, mental health, the way you view women, sexual performance. not to mention that the vast majority of porn involves trafficking, rape, the exploitation and harm of women.

sugarJackal · 2022-02-19T14:10:22+00:00

My actual issue with it is the commodification of human affection.

blatant-stranger · 2022-02-19T17:37:35+00:00

It’s cheating. There is no reason if you’re in a relationship that you should be looking at other naked individuals in sexual scenarios. I also think the porn industry is harmful in general, and a lot of actresses are manipulated from a young age into it. It’s quite vile, but I recognize I have the minority opinion on porn in general. However, in context of relationships, it has no place.

Title	Why exactly does pornography bother you?
Author	Archon_Gilbert
Upvotes	89
Comments	715
Date	February 18, 2022 10:53 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/svuu74/why_exactly_does_pornography_bother_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-exactly-does-pornography-bother-you.1102560 https://theredarchive.com/post/1102560

Comments

1, I was also automatically rejecting female advances and attention. And interest. Too. Because christianity is sex toxic men and women. Also its commitment toxic. Which usually results in split strategy or dual personality, or inhibition. With pain on stimulus and more.