Why are women immediately turned off by guys who lack experience?

Slipthe · 2023-09-28T20:16:03+00:00

Because, in non-religious circles, women usually assume there is something wrong with a guy to have never had sex.

It's not strictly the lack of experience that is the problem, it's just that it could be a huge gamble to discover why no other woman gave that guy the time of day. When you have other options, why go with a gamble? As a inexperienced guy, you'd have to really be attractive or have an amazing personality to make it worth the risk for a woman to discover you and your circumstances around not having sex.

And if you are exuding insecurity and lack of confidence on top of having zero experience... well.. there's nothing attractive about that unless a woman has a specific fetish for it.

Women like men who are competent, in a myriad of ways. It's why women like blue collar men, musicians, etc, whatever sphere you are in, short of maybe Magic the Gathering.

Reasonable_Listen514 · 2023-09-28T21:02:06+00:00

Women tend to want men who are wanted by other women. So, a known lack of success with other women will definitely be used against you.

demedermidimi · 2023-09-28T20:11:15+00:00

you won't get good faith answers if you call a woman loose one sentence in

harmonica2 · 2023-09-28T21:30:53+00:00

If a woman asks a guy why she is inexperienced and the guy were to answer that he just hasn't found the right woman yet, is that a good answer or no?

RatchedAngle · 2023-09-28T20:24:54+00:00

Personally, I prefer men who don’t sleep around.

My husband was a virgin when we started dating. He lied and told me he slept with a bunch of women. When the truth finally came out, I was disappointed because I would’ve respected him for choosing to reject the advances of other women. I wish he had been more confident about his virginity but I understand why he wasn’t.

Women have power over men when it comes to sex. If a woman goes up to a random single guy and offers him sex, there’s a good chance he will say yes.

As a woman, I don’t want to have power over a man.

Therefore, I need a man who doesn’t succumb to the power women have over him. My husband has never been prone to porn addiction, flirting, etc. I haven’t even noticed him staring at other women and I’m someone who would absolutely notice.

He’s just one of those guys who doesn’t validate women with sexual attention, even when he’s single. I had to earn that attention from him.

Relative_Bee8356 · 2023-09-28T20:31:57+00:00

Mentioning this virtually guarantees that none of you will engage with me, but: it's very common for queer people who have been out for a while to avoid dating people who are very fresh out of the closet. I know someone who requires a full decade out + dating queer people. This person does not date cis men.

Being a good romantic partner is a skill. Dating people who haven't developed that skill is a pain in the ass. It also puts a lot of pressure on the more experienced partner.

And yeah, it's a gamble. You're inexperienced. You're also clearly bitter about it and talking shit about the first woman willing to look past your inexperience. It's silly to assume you won't be a bitter shit-talker about the next woman willing to look past your inexperience.

towerofcheeeeza · 2023-09-28T20:34:06+00:00

All my friends are either virgins or have an n-count of 1. None of them have ever been turned off by guys who lack experience. Was the woman you met someone who did have more experience?

AngeCruelle · 2023-09-28T20:19:35+00:00

I actually do prefer inexperienced men, but not the types who slut shame and call women "loose."

Nellylocheadbean · 2023-09-28T21:30:21+00:00

I believe a lot of women like the things that come with being associated with a man & that leads women to like the man they’re with anyway so they go hand & hand. In general women like men who lead & dominate and that typically requires experience.

snappy033 · 2023-09-28T21:54:41+00:00

😂I read loose literally and jumped to the conclusion that your “unfortunate circumstance” was having a megapenis that prevented you from having sex with normal women.

Icy_Ordinary2025 · 2023-09-28T21:17:11+00:00

It's not their lack of experience. It's their attitude.

and I’m just gonna be stuck with garbage

This attitude.

Diamond-Breath · 2023-09-28T21:04:16+00:00

I wouldn't mind taking a man's virginity, it's just that I've never had the opportunity lol.

Justwannaread3 · 2023-09-28T20:22:23+00:00

Do women even like men

Do you even like women? Doesn’t seem so.

houstongradengineer · 2023-09-28T23:15:27+00:00

We're not. We are turned off by people who have experience that is totally incompatible with our own. Women with limited experience like myself hoped for men like you once were.

2023-09-28T23:25:10+00:00

Because it’s a question of why

MisterDudeBroGuy · 2023-09-29T04:38:59+00:00

Women want men who are desirable, and desirable men tend to, usually, not be able to even escape the pussy around them. They don't just want a man that looks good, they want proof that he IS 'good.' A catch. Social proof.

Advice, stop defining yourself by this. Stop defining your dating by your experiences or lack thereof. I assume your issue is that you feel women are going to ask about your past. Guess what, just fuckin lie a little man. Don't lie like you're some big time player or something, just throw in a couple of numbers if you're asked, and have stories prepared for each one. Women lie every day they put on makeup, push up bras, and baggy clothes. They filter their pictures. Just play the game bro, don't make it a big deal. Just play. Being alonecel for the rest of your life is gonna mess you up otherwise.

SpookyQueenofCats · 2023-09-29T07:04:04+00:00

I personally think guys who have slept around loads just as unappealing as women who have slept around loads. Im a woman and I don't like promiscuity. Sex before marriage is fine, a reasonable number of monogamous relationships where sex was present is fine. But I would probably not date a serial one night stander, or someone who's been around. Just part of my personal values.

If folks want to "slut it up" so to speak, they're more than welcome to and can do so. They just wouldn't be a match for me personally which is fine!

El_Don_94 · 2023-09-29T11:59:55+00:00

Do women even ask about your experience?

ReasonableSignature7 · 2023-09-29T21:52:45+00:00

Stuck with garbage eh? i wouldn't want to be with anyone who regarded me as garbage and idc about a man being inexperienced. i do care if he thinks i'm garbage and it's bye-bye lol

Spiritual-Cicada9650 · 2023-09-28T20:14:48+00:00

Well if you think women are garbage thats probably why you turn them off you.

Personally I wasn't interested in someone who was completely new to the female anatomy because I didn't want to walk them through every step.

Fit_Kiwi9703 · 2023-09-28T21:35:49+00:00

My boyfriend & I were both virgins into our late 20s. Late bloomers unite!

There's nothing wrong with starting out late. Life often gives you what you need, not what you want. Be grateful that you skipped out on a lot of STDs. Life won't get better until you learn to accept yourself and what life has given you. The way you treat others is a direct reflection of the way you treat yourself, and that is: with little respect.

Safinated · 2023-09-28T21:14:31+00:00

I’m not. I am turned off by desperation, misogyny, insults, negativity, bitterness, envy, resentment and fixating on things that can’t be changed.

Spare-Estimate5596 · 2023-09-28T20:18:13+00:00

Women want men that other women want. Hence the 80/20 rule.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-09-28T20:42:00+00:00

i think thats backwards, guys lack experience because they dont know how to or dont try to turn women on or pick them up or romance them

Dry_Nectarine5457 · 2023-09-28T20:43:31+00:00

I don’t get why so many women on here assume that this guy talks to other women like this. I speak quite derogatory on Reddit while in real life, you’ll never even hear me use words like this or complain about how unfair a system is. That’s why he’s asking this question on Reddit. He doesn’t want people he knows to see this lol. Trust me, many people on here have a completely different personality among friends and family.

DecisionPlastic9740 · 2023-09-28T23:34:09+00:00

Social proof

Wolvengirla88 · 2023-09-28T23:52:33+00:00

What would you think about a woman in your position?

tadL · 2023-09-29T11:23:34+00:00

Why are people always asking the same. Look do you want a plumber with experience or a doctor with experience. A car mechanic with experience? Knowing his shit is always a preference.

And now will come the question what about woman. And it will hurt again.

So you want a girl that was already together with all your best friends? With all the idiots you know? That will never be a preference.

Simple

And now comes the SJW guy...that's ok if you like it. And don't worry you can date and marry so many. Just marry a porn / only fans woman. They are alone. Oh you did not?...well hypocritic you.

basedmama21 · 2023-09-29T12:04:57+00:00

I would say that’s a red flag if a woman is THAT turned off by that. Means she puts too much stock in very frivolous things and may be dare I say, ran through.

I took my male friend’s virginity when we were 24. It was a lot of emotional responsibility for me but I wasn’t turned off by him not having experience.

fucksiclepizza · 2023-09-28T20:20:35+00:00

Can see why you were a virgin so long, women don't like men who talk about them like that. Try showing them more respect and you might have more luck. Being in relationships doesn't make a women loose in any sense of the word.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-09-28T22:08:37+00:00

The women who feel that way are usually pretty experienced themselves and see it as a hurdle to overcome. They don't enjoy the prospect of being with someone they're in that way incompatible with or feeling a need to teach them.

Illustrious-Slice767 · 2023-09-28T20:30:09+00:00

It's weird the way so many women think!

Throughout history, men have never been turned on by "experienced" women in bed. This is as weird as women who send love letters to men who are serving time in prison for having committed horrible crimes!

I wonder what percentage of men would save their virginity for marriage, if women were attracted to virgin men.. Imagine a world where men save their virginity for marriage-- This would decrease the rates of abortion, single motherhood, divorce, etc.. By the way, I'm not suggesting that women should be virgins until marriage! I know this would make me a "bigot"!!! All I'm saying is that MEN should be virgins until marriage.

CombinationMore4630 · 2023-09-28T23:18:55+00:00

Because they can't make then cum.

As a dude with experience I don't want a virgin chick. Some chick that starfishes on a regular.

justified-anger · 2023-09-29T01:28:41+00:00

Cause women want to get f*cked, and let go of their stress, and cum hard.

Not have to instruct a fumbling , inept lover how not to cum immediately, so that the smashing into her vulva which can barely considered sex, lasts more than 45 seconds.

A guy with experience can do all of that.

It take a sexual prodigy to do thay without experience.

SamuraiGoblin · 2023-09-28T22:52:47+00:00

Women like men with experience for the same reason men like women without it.

It's biological, and deeply innate.

A male with no experience has been unselected by other women (for whatever reason). He has been deemed by consensus to be unfit. So why the hell would a female want to go through all the pain and burden of raising his children who would not be competitive? It makes biological sense.

On the other hand, a male has no guarantee of a paternity, and a promiscuous female has a much greater chance of being impregnated by another male's sperm. It is genetic-lineage-icide to unknowingly raise another male's DNA. From the perspective of a male who has no guarantee of paternity, the less 'soiled' a female is, the greater his chances of actually providing all his energy and resources raising his DNA. It makes biological sense.

Evolution solved these problems by giving our non-sapient ancestors innate unconscious biases. Of course, today's society is complex and largely artificial and such biological preferences make far less sense now, but they are deeply woven into the fabric of the sexes. For example, we have things like birth control, paternity tests, plastic surgery, money, and various laws protecting both men and women, which completely change the interactions that our species has had since the evolution of sex. But at the end of the day, we are still naked apes.

My advice to you is to work on yourself, physically AND mentally. It is clear you are angry at your treatment by society and if you are not careful that can turn into deep misogyny, which will definitely ensure you remain lonely and angry until you die.

Women ARE looking for someone genuinely nice, but they are also looking for someone strong and protective and capable of providing. They don't want weak, whiny, irresponsible guys. And they are right to want what they want.

Join a gym AND get some therapy for your confused negative feelings, then you can become exactly the kind of man they are looking for.

AngelCrumb · 2023-09-28T20:56:57+00:00

There's usually a reason someone lacks experience, also generally less experience can often translate into being worse at sex. I'm engaged to someone with little experience, and I don't have any prior experience with sex. On his end, it makes no difference. But, men are way easier to please than women. Guys are used to jacking off, no finesse required.

Essentially, the more sexual partners or sexual experience a man has had, the more likely he is to be good in bed.

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-09-29T04:04:43+00:00

Lots of men are turned off by women lacking sexual experience

-Me, a female who lost her virginity at age 24, nearly 25. I could write a book about dating when I was a virgin (and was realistic, I just wanted to lose it to someone who liked me and was in a rel with me)

I was passed on because

people assumed I was overly religious (was when I was younger but wasnt for some time when this was going on)
that I must be socially awkward and a loser (I wasnt, I always had a ton of friends)
I will become a stage 5 clinger with whoever I lose it to

aaaaaaaaaand my all time favorite 4) I'd be awful in the bedroom (even though I knew how to get myself off and had no issues showing a guy, lol) Also like I learn pretty easily.

I think this is the same for a guy.

LoFiPanda14 · 2023-09-28T23:43:26+00:00

Because it usually it means you failed at life in being social or approachable person.

raldabos · 2023-09-29T00:33:36+00:00

Just want to say, sometimes there's really nothing "wrong" with ya'll. That's just the just-world falacy women loves so much.

Or at least "wrong" in the sense of being a good person. Sometimes wrong for women just means "broke or boring", but that doesn't mean there's something wrong with your persona.

KamuiObito · 2023-09-29T07:34:05+00:00

They have an obsession with being INFERIOR.

Dstar538888 · 2023-09-29T00:04:36+00:00

Because that’s not what I want 😂

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-09-28T21:12:29+00:00

Because if you have no experience you're probably not that great of a guy. Not desirable.

It's like looking for your first job, you have to take the worst one you can lower your standards for and hope one of the places you apply to will take you. From there you can start hopping to a (slightly) better position at a different company.

Nobody wants to take a chance on some untested guy.

CaptainSingh26 · 2023-09-29T01:01:08+00:00

I think regardless of what people say on here, men are going to lie about their experience to avoid shame and to gain experience. People say they want honesty, but if the guy reveals he is a virgin then it’s over. Kind of seems like honesty in a relationship only matter for those with experience. This is a topic that makes people do all sorts of mental gymnastics.

RidingRedHare · 2023-09-29T03:33:32+00:00

Some women are turned off by that, some women aren't. Different people have different preferences.

SnowBorn6339 · 2023-09-29T05:10:26+00:00

I don’t want to date a man-whore who sleeps around because something is certainly wrong with him. At the same time, I don’t want to date an adult virgin because something is certainly wrong with him.

Both extremes are severely unattractive to me. I like a guy with a moderate amount of experience to show that he knows what he’s doing, and he is clearly a desirable guy, but he’s also not throwing his dick into every warm hole he finds.

operation-spot · 2023-09-29T05:14:17+00:00

Personally, it’s not too much of an issue but I do have a few questions and I wouldn’t want to rush into anything.

1Here4Bach · 2023-09-28T22:55:36+00:00

The majority of women don’t like to teach a male things it makes us feel like his mother. Anything that an adult male should know (paying bills, how to get a job, how to change a tire, etc) women don’t want to teach. That includes sex.

Also males who are virgins often grow to be controlling and possessive over the woman than lose their virginity to

Strange_Public_1897 · 2023-09-28T23:30:25+00:00

Because it means you don’t know much about female pleasure and only know how to have sex from watching porn. It means you haven’t mastered the art of cunnilingus and proper thrusting/pacing techniques in sex.

figuringLifeIsGood · 2023-09-29T02:14:30+00:00

i like all boys except mean ones like u

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Time-Algae7393 · 2023-09-28T22:13:00+00:00

You didn't miss any boat or anything. You are very young and have plenty of chances. I advice if you can see a therapist if this is bothering you. A woman who wants a serious relationship wouldn't care!

AnonymouslyFlustered · 2023-09-29T00:09:39+00:00

Do you have a particular heritage, ethnocultural or cultural background of women in mind when you asked this question,

Pathosgrim · 2023-09-29T00:51:33+00:00

Biological and societal influences

SuccessfulLibrary996 · 2023-09-29T01:43:57+00:00

Biologically, all organisms "want" to be successful: to breed, and to have offspring that breed. A man who isn't sexually successful seems either a) inherently and obviously unattractive or b) has some mental or other characteristic that makes him less driven to mate that could be genetic.

If you're an organism that reproduces sexually, you don't want this in a mate, because if they have children that inherit this characteristic you have a much higher than average chance of this ending up the end of the line.

And the unfortunate logic of this is that it doesn't matter whether or not the man in question is inexperienced due to being unattractive, or due to lack of motivation, even if he's actually a nice guy, brilliant scientist, great artist or whatever. It doesn't even matter if he's seemingly inexplicably actually very handsome and charismatic otherwise.

Whatever the reason, the fact that a) a woman knows 100% that this guy didn't reproduce at the height of his sexual prowess to the extent that he had one, and b) whatever the reason, this could be something heritable is enough right there to be a massive turnoff. It's not a conscious thing: it's just instinct.

Obviously, in the real world being around women or even having sex with lots of women doesn't actually mean literally being successful in a reproductive sense anymore because of condoms, the pill, abortion and so on. But womens' instincts when it comes to male behaviour don't take that into account.

And to be honest (and at the risk of being accused of argumentum ad absurdum) the most sexually charged men even to the point of conventional irresponsibility are likely going to have children eventually even despite these modern obstacles, and more than the average man. Say a man who really gets around gets 20 women pregnant, and even 3/4 of them bump the little guy off one way or the other (the pill, abortion, etc.) because Daddy wasn't going to stick around and they pushed the emergency button. That still leaves 5 who make it, and even if say 3 of those totally ruin their lives and end up in the gutter and only 2 of his kids go on to have kids of their own, this imaginary scummy guy is still in the end on the whole more reproductively successful than a lot of men.

DangZagnutsNewSon · 2023-09-29T02:10:30+00:00

I think it's because they don't know how to make themselves cum so they think a guy will. Which is reinforced by gender roles. Because men are supposed to be dominant and know what they want and women aren't supposed to know. If they know what they like they get labeled as sluts.

vsge · 2023-09-29T03:05:07+00:00

This is not true at all lol

Makuta_Servaela · 2023-09-29T03:10:23+00:00

As someone with experience, I feel like I'm taking advantage of inexperienced partners. I know it's a silly way of feeling, but it's why I feel uncomfortable.

bigapple4am · 2023-09-29T04:55:16+00:00

Ive never heard a girl say this unless she wanted to hurt the guys feelings or seem cool for other girls (just my personal experience)

pxneapple · 2023-09-29T15:52:04+00:00

Not all of us are like that. I'm one of those "waiting until marriage" kind of girls, so if my husband is also a virgin, i won't be upset. That being said, i think most girls want a guy that's either at least had a girlfriend or grown up around sisters/other women, because he'll know how to treat her differently to how he treats other dudes. Most girls don't want to be treated like "one of the guys". Also, if the only woman in a man's life up until that point has been his mother, it can cause a... strange dynamic that a lot of women find unsettling. Just my perspective tho 🩷

ReasonableSignature7 · 2023-09-29T21:50:40+00:00

Not all of them are, if someone's really into you they're not gonna get un-into you if you're inexperienced

Lazyhermit96 · 2023-09-30T01:13:56+00:00

> me reading this thread as a 27 touchless virgin

BioNipple · 2023-09-30T01:53:50+00:00

WistfulPuellaMagi · 2023-09-30T07:00:06+00:00

I wasn’t. When I was a virgin I wanted a virgin guy but I didn’t want a virgin guy who made a big deal out of himself being a virgin. I chose a guy who was a virgin and didn’t care about it.

virgin dudes whose only goal is to get laid are the ones that are a turn off cause they’re being desperate and acting like anyone with a vagina will do. My bf had turned down women before because he was waiting for the right one so it made me feel more special.

YearnsToDestroySun · 2023-09-30T11:37:38+00:00

Honestly, it seems like women are like the history of men who have a modest body count that comes from relationships.

Like I've only been with 5, but rather experienced since it was all relationships so sex was frequent .

Title	Why are women immediately turned off by guys who lack experience?
Author	FatefulMender89
Upvotes	39
Comments	421
Date	September 28, 2023 8:09 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16uq4nc/why_are_women_immediately_turned_off_by_guys_who/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-are-women-immediately-turned-off-by-guys-who.1233313 https://theredarchive.com/post/1233313

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