Guys, I'm really struggling. I don't know where to turn to. I'm posting on my less active account to avoid being identified.

I found out that my husband of 4 years (known each other since we were teenagers) has been sleeping with multiple women for years. He visits escorts, has sugar babies, and has multiple young girlfriends.

Up until two days ago, I was sure I was one of the lucky ones with a HVM. I follow FDS religiously. He checked all the boxes, you guys. Passed with flying colours, over and over. He was GOOD, kind and honest and generous. He was spiritual, careful about what he ate and drank. Fit and handsome. He was sensitive, an intellectual, like me. He was a provider. We lived very comfortably. The only problem was the sex.  I've been on some medications that have taken away my sex drive. He has never once complained. Whenever I brought up his possible dissatisfaction, he would brush it off and reassure me of his love and commitment to me. 

I have all his passwords, and he has mine. We were one of those couples who could pick up each other's phones at any time. After so many years together, I just never had any reason to doubt him. Two days ago, for no apparent reason, I picked up his phone, and for the first time in years, did a deep dive. I just wanted to pat myself on the back, I guess, for choosing a good man. Nothing could have prepared me for what I found. 

He is utterly depraved. All the times I thought he was on call in surgery, talking jobs in other cities, working hard to provide for our family, he was with other women. He has multiple bank accounts, that he hid from me. We used to struggle financially, but over the past couple of years, things have really changed for us. I didn't know he was spending our hard earned money on hookers. I checked the dates. While sitting beside my hospital bed in January, he was texting a sugar baby. We were each other's firsts. I trusted him more than any other person in this world. Now I have to go get checked for STDs. He had been saying he can't wait till I'm off my medications, so we can resume trying for a baby. 

He's a sociopath. No one with a soul can lie that well. That consistently. I'm in shock. I've not eaten for 3 days. I've cried till I have thrown up, then cried again. He has been "crying" too. And begging frantically. 

Our lives are completely intertwined, his friends are my friends, his family is my family. Our finances are intertwined. I'm utterly devastated. My life is in shambles. Divorce is a terrible disgrace in my culture. I wouldn't even know where to start.  I have never considered suicide before now. I'm really struggling, guys.

TLDR: Trust no one. Girl, check his phone TONIGHT!