Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered August 20 2020

troubleseemstofollow · 2020-08-29T04:37:23+00:00

Went on a great first date tonight. Conversation flowed, we connected on a lot of topics, restaurant he picked was so good, he paid. Went home to vet and found out he was married and separated (maybe divorced?) his wife around the time their kid was born, less than 2 years ago.

Sigh. Blocked.

ontherailstoday · 2020-08-29T04:17:20+00:00

So the Sims 4 is getting a Star Wars themed release pack because the company gonna crank that licensing agreement for all its worth. And a lot of the big youtube players aren't real thrilled. But they are pretty polite about it. Lots of "Well that's not really what most of us want" and "seems a waste might sit this one out" and "think it wouldn't mesh with the rest of the game well" and "sims really isn't made for decently varied combat animations and we know that from other packs and nah this isn't high value for us"

Just ponder for a moment how damn polite, kind and decent a woman dominated player base is about getting actually given unwanted stuff (well not given... more that it took up development time and is not what they want to buy so much) that caters a bit more to stereotypical male interests in their game compared to the froth at the mouth reactions we see have seen from male gamers about the mere suggestion of girl stuff (like at least semi-realistic female characters with agency) in their dude stuff.

Sea_Soil · 2020-08-29T00:27:50+00:00

I'm stuck living with my LVM-Ex who keeps pulling knives and threatening to kill himself everytime I remind him we are broken up.

He also accuses me of leading him on when I treat him like a normal friend/roommate. I feel that I need to be extra attentive to his feelings due to how violent and explosively emotional he gets when I talk about leaving.

I'm stuck in a lease until March. Couldn't move even if I wanted to because I can't afford to pay rent for two places (he's also broke). I also can't leave to stay with my family because I go to school in my current city.

I hate that I'm in this situation but it's my fault. I gave him a second chance after we broke up last year. We were together before, in a different apartment, and it ended in us breaking up after he continued to disrespect and abuse me. I begged him back at the time, but he wanted to go be single and "free". After a few months I leveled up and felt happier then ever, then he came creeping back in with his "let's go for a walk" dates and and it all went to shit.

I foolishly thought he would change. Now here we are with a different apartment and the same problems.

Learn from my mistakes. LVM dont change.

Capable_Okra · 2020-08-28T18:57:22+00:00

Disappointed (but not surprised) by my most recent date. We went out on Monday and on Tuesday he asked me if I was free this Saturday...... and after that, silence. If he really wanted my time, he would have secured it. In addition I had told him my cat wasn't doing too well health wise this week and the fact that he hasn't asked about her (well, he hasn't texted at all) shows me he isn't interested. It's annoying because he seemed to be eager to make a 2nd date, but I am sure as hell not 'checking in' with him about it. I think he will likely not text me at all anymore, but if he tries to pull some bullshit today about the plans we didn't make tomorrow, I am planning to tell him I'm no longer available.

saltedpretzel2 · 2020-08-28T12:55:14+00:00

I have just kinda ghosted my LVM friend and I feel a bit bad about it. But I just cannot stand the way he has been acting lately, and I can't take this kind of treatment from any of my friends.

Ive been friends with him for approx. 2 years now, I would usually only see him breifly at the bar after work in a group setting and he would only ever stay an hour or so, maximum. However, since COVID hit, he has been wanting to hang out with me and some other friends at peoples houses, and now he is showing his true colours and being his true self.

He recently revealed that he has cheated on his wife in the past, that he 'hates his married life' but he won't leave the relationship due to the mortgage they have together. I did NOT want to know about any of this, and I am upset he told me this information. I like his wife, she's so lovely. He also claims that she 'hates me and my roommate' because she's jealous that we are friends with him, but I wouldn't be surprised if he made that part up.

He's started a few arguments with some of the males of the group lately, and they have told me it makes them uncomfortable. But last week, he said something I just cannot get over. We were talking about a movie and he literally said... and I still can't get over this... that the blonde character in the movie 'deserved a punch in the nose'. He made some other comments about blonde women (which I am not, but still.... incredibly offensive). Then later on in the night, he brought up the blonde woman from the movie again, and he said she's aweesome! This is when me and my roommate both said to him... "earlier tonight you said she deserved a punch in the nose" and he got all worked up and said he "never said that" and that he "likes her". If it was just one of us, we may have questioned if he did say it, as he sounded so sure, but as there was two of us we fought back at him and told him we know what he had said... later on , we were talking about horror movies, and I was saying which horror movies I found particularly scary, and he told me I "didnt know what real horror is" and tried to .... one up me? I guess. At this point, I was just furious. I've stopped really talking to him much at all.

He's said some other rude stuff to me lately, makes it seem like they are 'jokes' but they're pretty targeted I feel. I'm kinda just sitting here thinking to myself at that point... why am I even friends with this guy?! I never really noticed it before as we hadn't been spending all that much time conversing, since we would be at a bar and it's usually a loud atmosphere and so on.

He sent me a few messages asking if something is wrong cause he felt like something was off that night (since I was very obviously pissed off at the comments he's been making). I just think with these type of people, telling them what they've been doing wrong is a waste of time? Like what would be the point? This is oviously what he's truly like, ya know... so I haven't TOLD him what's up... but surely he must know..

I had to see him again in a group setting, and I kinda ignored him. Responded to him just enough to be polite and if asked a question. Didn't talk to him much whatsoever. Someone brought up the topic of a kareoke bar, and he still managed to say that he has 'seen me sing' (we had gone to a karaoke bar as a group outing when we worked together) and my other friend replied 'was it good?' and he said 'i said ive seen her sing. i didnt say it was good'. And I just COMPLETELY ignored him , like he didnt even exist.

I'm actually fuming thinking about how disrespectful he is. The way he has been speaking to me is DISGUSTING. It's hard to cut him off, as he is 'part of the group' now.

But I've decided I'm not going to reply to any messages he sends me from now on, and if I have to see him in a group setting, I will only be polite enough to not make a scene.

Sorry for the long ramble.

Summerisle7 · 2020-08-28T08:20:34+00:00

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Disastrous_236 · 2020-08-28T03:27:27+00:00

I'm not straight. I love shoes, not men.

pallta · 2020-08-27T21:41:36+00:00

Can I get some encouragement to break up with a guy I'm dating? He's great except that we differ in ambition (hasn't gone to college, works in service industry, doesn't have plan for his future aside from being with me).

babyyouarentalone · 2020-08-27T18:57:46+00:00

Hi ladies! If you saw my comment below, I am leaving my partner’s apartment, which was a huge and right decision for me. However I haven’t lived alone in such a long time. I am a bit anxious about the final moment of goodbyes but I am trying to stay strong by thinking about all the negatives of staying here. Does anyone have any experience/feelings of this sort of restart alone?

grios733 · 2020-08-27T17:18:50+00:00

How do I allow myself to not feel bad when my boyfriend is being romantic? I know I am deserving of this it’s just unfamiliar to me. He is paying for my flight, romantic dinners, candles, picnics, wine, etc and my last ex never paid for a single date (terrible i know. this was before i found fds.) We’re 20 so I really don’t expect much as neither of us have jobs - but his family is a lot wealthier than mine and I know I just wouldn’t be able to reciprocate that back. I have no problem with him being wealthy I just feel a bit bad having him spend so much knowing I could never reciprocate. I feel a bit awkward and I would really appreciate advice that could help me shift my mindset. Also, any advice how to be extra super duper appreciative to his parents when I go over?

little_pill · 2020-08-27T16:35:32+00:00

I am seeing a guy, he really likes me and is pressing me to make it official with him, I'm kind of on the fence about him because while we are having a lot of fun getting to know each other, I am starting to see reasons why he and I will not work out. But I'm also kind of perplexed by this behavior:

A few days ago we were at my place and I was getting ready to go to work after spending a few days with him. We had a lot of fun going out on little road trips, lot of sex, it was really nice. Then he says "I don't know why, but I really want to clean your dishes for you," as I was taking a nap before work (I work evenings).

Not expecting much, I go to sleep, wake up, and surprise surprise: dishes are not done. It doesn't even phase me, I couldn't care less about the stupid dishes and truth be told, I don't trust new people saying all the ways they want to help me, blah blah, it all sounds like BS. It was just that he made this grand declaration that he wanted to do them to help me so I could get more sleep, and then just doesn't. Lol, ok. Then after I shower up and we're heading out the door he says, "oh I feel so bad, I said I was going to do your dishes for you and didn't do them. I feel like an asshole." Can someone explain why the hell this was? It felt like some bizarre ritual where he starts the list of the many ways he's going to disappoint me.

endorphins_ · 2020-08-27T16:32:18+00:00

If anybody else keeps up with celebrity news: imagine being a model in your 20s and wasting your youth on lvm Brad Pitt

Amy3e13 · 2020-08-27T12:13:30+00:00

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FleetingDaisy · 2020-08-27T11:50:43+00:00

Hey all, my first comment ever. So, together with financial effort, I also look out for effort in terms of sense for style. Guys these days have a tendency to go everywhere with backpacks (a no-go for me, unless we're going hiking), and some of them even turn up to dates with one. Things end for me right there. But on a recent date, and I have no idea anyone would do this, the guy turned up wearing a baseball hat. Turned backward. He didn't even take it off inside. A grown a** man of 43 years old. Anyone with me? :D

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2020-08-27T05:14:40+00:00

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lolumadbr0 · 2020-08-26T23:48:05+00:00

New bf told me he'd wait until I was ready to have sex with him. He said when the time was right he'd rent a nice hotel so we could enjoy our first time with a nice suite with indoor pool jacuzzi and bar so we could go drink after and enjoy the night even more. Might even go shopping too the next day.

How the hell do I wait 90 days? If anything it will probably be me that caves before ready.

Summerisle7 · 2020-08-20T01:19:41+00:00

How do you weed out men who use women for casual sex?

RedLilacPink · 2020-08-26T22:40:51+00:00

I had been dating a guy for the past few months, and become totally consumed. He was perfect, all the things I want in a guy, and we had so much in common. Things were going so well, but I fell pretty fast. I thought he was on the same page. There were small signs i had told myself were just me being anxious out of habit. But I should have known better. The past week or 2 he's sort of lost what he felt. Right now we're in limbo. I'm giving him time to think. It may be that I never hear from him again, and it may be that he messages me and wants to meet up again.

I still hope that it can work out. And by saying that I realize I'll be shot down here! This sounds like there's no recovery right?

If he does follow up with me, what are the next steps and how can I transition into a better place? Is it even possible? I've just joined this group and have been reading the handbook links today.

birthdaybutt · 2020-08-26T22:26:34+00:00

What is the FDS stance in on guys who are a little too needy? A guy I’ve recently dated has 1) talked down about his weight to me and told me how nervous he is when out with me. 2) texts me often, and has a weird texting style where he sends multiple texts in a row. A few days ago he sent me 12 texts in a row to express one thought. 3) will text me the same thing right in a row. Example, last night he texted “you up” and then immediately after “U up”. Why? 4) he is always available and always texting to ask if we can meet sooner than our agreed upon date (I always decline and stick to the plan). 5) he’s asking a lot of input from me for our last 2 dates. Maybe this is a good think bc he want me to be happy? But it feels like I’m doing the planning.

However, he has a good job that makes good money, is good looking and well dressed, is always a gentleman, and brought me flowers on our second date (a dozen red roses which is a little overkill but very sweet).

I feel like he’s all over the place. Checks some good boxes and I like hanging out with him in person but I’m not feeling super attracted because he comes across as desperate. Thoughts?

HELP_MANBABIESGOTME · 2020-08-26T22:24:28+00:00

Im watching the Umbrella Academy and I instantly knew this Leonard dude was BAD FUCKING NEWS because he started Love Bombing poor Vanya. Shes so vulnerable to this. He pretty much instantly starts talking about how flawless and wonderful and perfect she is after knowing her for like 24 hours.

Piece of shit. She falls for it hook line and sinker and im sure he was trained specifically on her insecurities and how she is most likely to fall for the love bomb. So he can manipulate her and further isolate her from her family.

The sad thing is its almost indistinguishable from how shows normally portray romance...

illusion_believe · 2020-08-26T19:03:33+00:00

Today it’s the first day of my menstruations and I happened to be a little bit more sensitive. I shed a little tear while thinking about how come I haven’t met a high value man in a while only low value men.

But then I reminded myself that it’s not because I want something serious that I have to take dating so seriously. In the past I would laugh when I meet a low value man and ditch him now it gets to me like “another one ?!!!!!! Why ????? It should be easy to attract high quality “.

lasolterita · 2020-08-26T09:58:42+00:00

Anyone else have a 'signature move' used when blocking guys you know aren't dangerous? In my case: they say something stupid, I say "Oh, interesting," they expand on their stupidity, & the next/last message they ever get from me is, "Blokd 0:) " So silly, but it stuck in high school & has been my norm since lmao

throwaway-786786 · 2020-08-26T07:40:28+00:00

The OB/GYN rotation has been depressing. Lots of young pickmes out there having babies with minimally involved fathers. These women go through the worst pain of childbirth only to have their baby daddy sleeping in the delivery room, not be present at all, or just be watching the game in some other room.

I know now I could never work in OB/GYN. It just hurts my heart too much. I just wanna shake these women awake, you know?

I'd much rather do adolescent psych so I can work with some of these patients from the get-go - before they get into situations like this.

electric_icy1234 · 2020-08-26T01:54:58+00:00

It doesn’t really sit well with me when guys call women “high maintenance.” Granted there may be women who are, but I’ve also seen situations where women are just asking for the bare minimum and the men just don’t want to put in the effort. Is she really high maintenance or have high expectations or do you just not value her anymore so you shift blame unto her? Women don’t have expectations unless they know their men can do better or have seen them do better. What do you all think?

throwRAwhatisthis · 2020-08-25T16:33:09+00:00

Y’all I wanted to see if you’ve experienced this: have you ever been so disgusted by men that it’s made you sexually dysfunctional? Not be to TMI but my lady parts won’t work anymore. Ever since my breakup I’m not only mentally turned off but it seems my body has shut down too. And no I haven’t been sleeping with anyone (and won’t be), just been trying solo.

I’m just so goddamned angry!! What do you do about your anger towards men? It’s getting overwhelming. I hate feeling angry and just want to feel peace. But I guess that’s what happens when the blindfold comes off and you see the truth about the state of affairs between men and women. I’m just SO pissed about my hopes and dreams being dashed. I don’t believe anymore in love with men.

dzgata · 2020-08-25T16:10:40+00:00

Guys think this sub is for women who want simps and to see just how far we can disrespect a man in a relationship. Genuinely baffled...I’ve personally never seen that advocated for here. I think most people would call out a poster for being abusive or nasty to their partner. All I’ve seen on here is women trying to find good men who actually prove their love with actions and effort rather than manipulation via empty words and promises.

throw2422 · 2020-08-25T12:25:10+00:00

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festivelime · 2020-08-25T12:19:47+00:00

I was at the gym this morning and at the end of the workout the coaches do a “question of the day.” Well the question of the day today was “do you know what tomorrow is the 100 year anniversary of?” And I said “women’s voting rights!”

Yay! The reason I posted this though is because a WOMAN said after me “that’s when my son says everything went wrong.” And the coach and I starred at her, and the coach said, “how does that make you feel as his mother?”

I wish I had something to say because my mind was rolling with responses; I’m so non-confrontational. I just can’t imagine being proud of having raised a son like this?

Flufferly · 2020-08-25T08:09:53+00:00

You guys, I'm not ready to cry HVM yet, but I'm having the best time. Boyfriend was at my place, and I had to pop into work for an emergency. We were bummed, obviously, but when I got back he had cooked me dinner and CLEANED MY KITCHEN. Better than I usually do too. And this guy can really, really cook. I'm just so pleased and I had to share.

ptclscntst · 2020-08-25T07:59:20+00:00

What is the official FDS stance on Friends With Benefits?
When (and how much) should I expect to contribute to the dating expenses, if at all? For some context: one of the guys I'm seeing generously paid for our brunch and dessert (both at really high quality places) on our first date. I expect him to cover most, if not all, expenses on our second date. After that, should I expect him to pay for everything (or most things) for future dates, or is there a point where I should start contributing, and to what extent?

Equipoisonous · 2020-08-25T00:13:48+00:00

I just made it home, had kind of a scary encounter. I was going for a jog and all of the sudden I hear “hey are you [name] from bumble?” I recognized him immediately as someone I had chatted with and blocked over 2 months ago. I just said “oh sorry it didn’t work out” and walked away. I was pretty freaked out though. He was on a bike so he could have caught up to me at any time. What did he think I was going to say? That I made a mistake? I unmatched him because I wasn’t interested. I’m worried I’ll run into him again. Why can’t they just leave us alone?

isthisattractivetome · 2020-08-24T22:07:45+00:00

Going through a friend breakup thanks to some no good low life dude who keeps popping up in my friend’s life. This is there third time getting back together and he has mistreated her every single time. He offers nothing except baggage, drama, and sex.

I told her she treats me like a second option when he’s around and I’m tired of putting myself out there for the friendship. She says if I’m tired of putting in the effort, I can just “give less” to the friendship which was shitty as fuck (no mention of her trying to be a better friend to me). She says she low maintenance as a friend and doesn’t need much from me, which I highly disagree with. When they’re not together she requires a LOT of emotional maintenance. We’ve rarely hung out thanks to COVID and also the talk we had. Last time we did spend any time together it was kind of boring, and a watered down version of the good times we have had together.

I’m tired, relieved, and sad all at once. I am a very loyal friend and have rarely experienced anything like this so it really hurts. I wonder how long they will go on together. I wonder how long I’ll be hurting over this.

Not really sure what the point of this comment is, sympathy, advice, getting it off my chest? Any interactions are appreciated.

harrohamtaro · 2020-08-24T20:39:33+00:00

Hey sisters, am hoping to get some valued opinions here. Met someone attractive through work lately and he floated the idea of grabbing a meal together to “get to know each other better”. Nothing concrete has been planned. I wonder if there’s interest on his part but we have only been professionally/distantly polite to each other so far, and do not chat about anything personal outside of work. He has been getting more informal in how he approaches me, but I find myself nitpicking the potential yellow/red flags (is he using me? Does he have an agenda? Is he even interested?) I’m used to having high standards, and dismiss people all the time to protect myself. Now I’m wondering if I’m plucking out imaginary weeds.

cellar_door12 · 2020-08-24T18:04:04+00:00

Is it worth it to give someone who’s sometimes verbally abusive a chance if they’re going to therapy?

Deep-Blackberry · 2020-08-24T17:40:45+00:00

Kind of curious what does everyone think about seeing someone who has roommates instead of his own place? Is there an age where this becomes no longer acceptable?

CincinnatiCareBear · 2020-08-24T17:26:08+00:00

New here and getting mixed messages on dating during a pandemic in the United States. I have my own opinion but would love to here long time women participants opinion. ❤️

khaleesiqwn · 2020-08-24T16:25:35+00:00

Hi guys. Is the FDS Handbook link not working for anybody else?

prettyexcitingnews · 2020-08-24T15:36:22+00:00

I know there are not even many HVMs I’d want to date but damn I miss affection and companionship like I’ve been doing lots of things by myself and okay with it... but you know sometimes you just kinda miss having someone to do things together and share feelings and stuff ugh. 😐

Positive-Expression6 · 2020-08-24T11:11:19+00:00

I've been lurking for a while and desperately need help!

I was seeing what I think was a HVM for a month or so. He would take me out nice places and pay, was always respectful and kind.

We were having a discussion yesterday over text and I told him that I don't cook, after that he stopped responding. What can I do now?

I know you say that you should just dismiss men if they say or do something you don't like, is this what happened here to me? I really need help to figure this out.

I appreciate all you queens do.

Partypuppers · 2020-08-24T09:37:38+00:00

Chatting to this guy on OLD and...I'm not sure about him but the yellow flags I see are kind of subtle and I don't know if I'm being too paranoid because I expect the worst. Any advice would be appreciated. Yellow flags:

1) Wanted to meet me quickly after we matched. I'm talking he invited me on a date within the first 5 messages. After I said we had only just met and that I would like to get to know him better he suggested a phone call. Again, I shot that down citing the above reason. He didn't protest, just said fair enough and continued the conversation.

2) Something about him tells me he's an expert at telling me what he thinks I want to hear. I have no concrete proof for this, and perhaps he's just trying to impress me but he seems to be trying too hard to agree with everything I say. For example, he asked me what I was looking for in a man. I said 'smart, kind, generous' blah blah blah, didn't mention my true deal breakers to him and he said "great that sounds like me!" (lol). I said "I'll be the judge of whether that sounds like you but I'm glad you see yourself in my description". Again, trying tooo hard to align with what I want.

3) This is probably the biggest question mark around him: his job title. He's got 'director' as his job title on his OLD profile but after we got into a conversation about our jobs he told me his title is actually 'Account Director'...which imo is very different to being the director of a company. He told me he ran an events business for 10 years and recently joined a new company but a cursory Google of him and his LinkedIn page reveals no mention of this prior business and he's been with his current company for 7 years plus his job title of 'Account Director' doesn't match up to his title on his LinkedIn! He seems to have a good job at a senior position so not sure why he would lie about it. I wonder if it's some technicality and he is indeed regarded as an 'Account Director' but it still doesn't explain why he called him self a Director only and why he has no mention of this 'successful 10 year business' of his.

4) This is more of a personal observation...his job is based on sales and recruitment, which, in my experience, is full of people who love to bullsh*t and tell you what you want to hear to close the deal. I've known two men like this who have come on super hot to close the deal and then blown cold again once they got what they wanted. Makes me extra skeptical of him, especially given point number 1. His LinkedIn profile says he's one of the top salesman around (or perhaps this is a bit of self aggrandisement) so again, I am skeptical.

Green flags: He hasn't been sexual towards me (at least not yet), he replies promptly, seems quite interested, good manners etc. (I know these are basic traits but it's amazing how some people don't even show these). I'm not sure if he's super enthusiastic about me or just a first class sales man who knows what to say and how to posture to play the part. Let's just say....I'm not sold (yet) lol!

honeybeeroll · 2020-08-24T03:21:56+00:00

Just venting. My friend is seeing this guy for only a couple weeks, and idk, something is off about him.

First thing 1) we live in a huge city where plenty of people don't have a car. He grew up elsewhere but has lived here a few years. He was STUNNED she didn't have a car. He was stunned she didn't get her driver's license in hs. This struck me as really weird bc if hes lived here a few years, he must know plenty of people who don't have cars, and if he knows any city natives, they sure as shit didn't have licenses or cars in hs bc few do.

2) I have one of those pod coffee machines but it's not a Keurig. I call it a knock off Keurig. My coffee machine came up in convo with her guy, and he was suspicious of it?? Like "are you sure it works? Sometimes the real thing is the best thing." No, my fucking guy, my coffee machine doesn't work bc the woman you're dating is not also my roommate and hasn't also seen me use it every fucking day for a year. Like!?!?

Idk man maybe I'm being extra salty bc I don't know this guy and I don't trust his intentions bc its only been a couple weeks. But with the above, it's like I get this vibe he's elitist or something? Idk idk. That coffee thing was rly like lmfao excuse me so I just wanted to vent

Jinxhourglass · 2020-08-24T02:00:24+00:00

I’m seeing a new tik tok trend where women show their “date night” routines which is just Netflix and Chill at their man’s house. I love seeing the routine by itself because I love scrubs, soaps, and perfumes but then when they go to the guy’s house it’s like 🤢. All that effort just to show up to a dusty apartment with a bathroom that hasn’t been cleaned in months.

cellard00r18 · 2020-08-23T21:33:19+00:00

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Partypuppers · 2020-08-23T17:08:14+00:00

Ladies, how important is physical attraction to you? I know a few HVM in my life but they're not conventionally what I go for. They're not terrible looking by any means, they are well groomed, put together, with nice smiles etc. I just have a particular physical type that they don't fulfil. Am I being too inflexible about what I am looking for and should I give these otherwise very nice gentlemen a chance?

throw2422 · 2020-08-23T16:12:38+00:00

Is playing mind games to make a man more interested in you pick me behaviour?

hhgjj0 · 2020-08-23T09:48:08+00:00

How do you deal with men hitting on you or trying to "ask you out" indirectly?

I'm sure most ladies know the situation: you have a coworker or an aquintance whom you kinda talk with from time to time just to be nice and friendly, and then they start suggesting that you should hang out one on one, but it's not a direct asking out, which you could simply shut down with "sorry, not interested in that". It's always something which could be seen as friendly or something more, and they also throw some compliments your way, so you know they're hitting on you. Yet, if you said "no sorry, don't see you that way", it would be easy for them to backpedal and pretend they were just being friendly and make it awkward.

And of course, making excuses to their weird invitations just doesn't work because they keep bringing it up over and over again, as if they never get it.

I'm seriously annoyed because the only way seems to be to avoid this dude altogether, but why the fuck would I have to deliberately go out of my way just to avoid him??

throwaway-786786 · 2020-08-23T01:28:18+00:00

Having seen the widespread depravity among men since I started dating, nothing fazes me anymore.

But at the same time, I'm like WHY are they like this? Growing up I thought men and women were pretty much the same and WOW after I started dating I really see that they're not. People accuse us of "playing games" or being "gold diggers," but the truth of the matter is that most men do not have our best interests at heart so any tactics we use are for self-preservation.

For example, when I had first started dating, I had made out with a guy who said he wanted a hook up buddy on a first date and then I realized I wanted something more serious so didn't want to see him again. I texted him this after our "date" and at first he was like, "I understand that, I sincerely hope you find what you're looking for!" Nice, right? WRONG.

He texts me a month later asking me to hook up again. I blocked him at that point, but for real, are guys really this inconsiderate? Like what is going through their minds? They are hoping to have NSA sex with someone who told them she wants something serious? That's so messed up.

throwRAwhatisthis · 2020-08-23T00:40:49+00:00

Ladies!! I love you and can’t thank you enough for all you do. My life is transformed after finally breaking it off with my negative value ex.

I’ve made friends, spent time with family, am in the middle of closing on a house for myself, and have decent weed (lol my phone typed decent weed, it was supposed to say decentered men from my life. Too funny not to keep though.)

Yeah I’m still pissed about my ex and the wasted time and how he’s already dating again. None of it is a surprise though and I only brought it upon myself. But luckily I have no regrets about breaking it off AT ALL. Good luck new girl!! Hopefully you don’t mind being a barefoot and pregnant pickmeisha for the rest of your life!! I’m not about that life.

The ex was soo toxic about the breakup and shitty and showed all of his true colors. It’s obvious it doesn’t matter WHO he is with, but just someone he can boss around and make him have his NVM spawn. I’ll take a full bank account, independence, and peace of mind- thanks. And probably no kids so I can travel and do what I want on a whim!

I’ve also gotten to focus on why the hell I was with someone so awful for so long. I know what I need to work on now and know what scars need healing. It’s painful and tough in ways but also whats needed. I’ve learned how much my father really hates women and about his mental health problems (dude has serious issues) and abused the fuck out of my stepmom and siblings. All we are doing is trying to help him and I’m not THAT angry at him. I’ve mostly accepted him at this point and want him to get better. But I know he won’t at this age. So I just say whatever and am gonna break the cycle of abuse and toxicity in my own relationships (if I choose to have any).

I’ll have to face some demons from the past and they are nasty ones. Including my creepy step dad that I had an AWFUL nightmare about the other night. So now I know that’s still affecting me. I’ll have to make a post sometime or something about him and my dad. I’m sure many could relate.

pinksuede · 2020-08-22T22:32:04+00:00

I fucked up in anger telling him my feelings and now I feel so dumb. I lost all my power in the setup. His response was to hide so now I feel so stupid. How did I fall into that?! So I guess I’m done for good now.

Nessigrrl · 2020-08-22T22:18:44+00:00

Hi 🙋🏻‍♀️I'm very new to FDS, and I have a question. I struggle with dating because I am really bad at rejecting a guy, they often get really rude and I get so unhappy and down that I stop online dating all together. My question is how do you reject a guy and would it be OK to ghost someone, I get ghosted a lot and don't care, I mean in the dms not after an actual date. If ghosting in the dms is not okay, what is your go to rejection line and also what do you say when you get weird vibes at a date and want to leave? I'm thankful for advice.

Sea_Soil · 2020-08-22T19:01:09+00:00

What's the most high value thing a man has ever done for you?

We see a lot of LVM behavior on this sub. What are some of the effortful things the men in your life have done to treat you like a prize?

NoThisIs-Patrick · 2020-08-22T17:19:14+00:00

Has anyone read 'Find a Husband After 35' by Rachel Greenwald? I was reading a news article about how dating has changed over the years and this book was linked in the article as a discussion of how dating is being turned into another capitalist venture (I mean, obviously). But, the description of the book is incredibly bizarre. I'm not even 30 yet but, look at this:

In this practical no-nonsense guide, Greenwald tells women how to package their assets, develop a personal brand, leverage niche marketing, use direct mail and telemarketing to get the word out, establish a husband-hunting budget, and hold quarterly performance reviews to assess the results. She also shows women how to use these strategies in the world of online dating and how to avoid common pitfalls. Greenwald’s 15 steps form a unique and effective plan for any woman who wants to jump-start her dating life and enrich her portfolio of potential husbands.

Like, direct mail and telemarketing?? WHAT?

throw2422 · 2020-08-22T16:06:07+00:00

I was listening to a podcast with the 2 authors of The Rules. One of them was asked about the dynamic of the courting period and the dynamic of marriage and she said something like "While dating, he is courting you. You hold the power and you lead the relationship. When you get married, he is the boss and he leads the relationship."

It rubbed me the wrong way. It put me off of reading their books about marriage advice. Does anyone have a book recommendation for marriage dynamics?

AT_Bane · 2020-08-22T09:11:08+00:00

The guy I liked called me and then said its cause he didnt expect me to have both of his numbers. Which tbh is quite a dumb question to ask. We spent 5 minutes on the phone being very indirect so I dont think he even likes me.

I'd like to call him though, but it feels like it might be weird

Nocturnin · 2020-08-22T06:36:04+00:00

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fifth-musketeer · 2020-08-22T06:34:46+00:00

I just broke it off with a guy who I really like because he can’t make the time for me. This is just me venting bc I feel like shit and I’m sad. I know this is total pick meisha or whatever but I just want to vent to random internet strangers.

He’s a semi professional cyclist who rides bikes 20+ hours a week on top of a full time job and I’m just fucking sad.

I’m proud of myself for standing up for myself and expressing my needs, but it fucking sucks to let go. It doesn’t help that he’s literally the best sex I’ve ever had and he’s the first guy in like a year that I’ve actually felt legitimate feelings for and could see myself with since my ex.

He said that he just doesn’t have the time because of work and cycling and getting himself settled since he just moved across country to our city and there’s a big part of me that just thinks that if he did really care then he would have made the time for me. I always feel like I’m the one who cares more and I’m so tired of getting hurt. I feel like garbage.

I’m so apathetic towards dating and I just have this deep seated fear that I’ll never find someone who actually will make the time for me and treat me the way I deserve to be treated.

saltedpretzel2 · 2020-08-22T06:25:25+00:00

It feels like there is just no men who I'd even want to date around right now. I've only met one guy in the past 6 months of me being single I'd even consider dating, and that didn't end well. Getting frustrated about the lack of decent men around.

napdt · 2020-08-22T04:43:34+00:00

Should I uninstall WhatsApp until I star my semester? I'm feeling anxious about my ex. I want to text him so bad. It's weird though. Sometimes I feel perfectly fine, like 'I despise him; I don't need him', but sometimes I feel this urge to know about him. I daydream about him everyday. It's ridiculous. I rely on the handbook to give me some sense.

Redux-rainbow · 2020-08-22T01:44:48+00:00

Just started dating again and I now have a Hinge date with a younger guy who was the only one to read my profile. We're meeting at the park because he doesn't have a car(yeah...), nothing is open after 8pm because of the pandemic, but I also work until 9pm most days. I feel really unenthusiastic about this already.

Fresh-Space-5893 · 2020-08-22T00:38:59+00:00

I've read the FDS handbook and am new to this subreddit but in the last few days I have felt incredibly empowered by reading all the wisdom to be shared on here! I am trying to learn but I was wondering if anyone had tips on how to break away from my Pickmeisha past mindset of always needing to be polite (to everyone, especially men!) and even how I can translate this into dates when it comes to paying at the end. I can't help myself from feeling the need to be polite and offer to pay. I know that a HVM should offer to pay but I feel bad and don't know how to snap out of this mindset of offering to cover the next time.

virgoran · 2020-08-21T23:47:04+00:00

I have been reading the FDS guide all week and it is just so good. It's positive, uplifting and has really made me think of myself as the centre rather than sacrificing myself for a LVM. I am so excited I have found this community <3

Snoo989898 · 2020-08-21T23:44:14+00:00

Not related to men at all. Started a new job and most of the people I just don’t vibe with. It’s been hard for me. I was being myself and when I am their faces are just expressionless and it makes me feel like I’m weird. Makes me feel super rejected and like I am going to have to just not be myself to fit in. Basically sit there with no personality to match the norms. I just feel sad and disappointed that I’m so different from them.

zingler2579 · 2020-08-21T22:52:23+00:00

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apple_cores · 2020-08-21T21:59:45+00:00

I forgot to block my ex on email and he reached out asking if we could talk. I made the mistake of entertaining it. But I will say this, I was blunt and to the point and lied and said I don’t have feelings for him anymore. Mind you, he literally just got back from seeing his new girl (former friend) out of state; I think he hit me up the day he was on his way back home from seeing her cus having sex with her made his conscious guilty. Should’ve thought of that before you jumped into something new before being healed.

The guy I was sleeping with is back with his ex. They’re both toxic af, be blessed.

I’m dating here and there. Had a nice date with a guy I was much more attracted to in person. We talked for hours. He seems mature, kind, calm. He seems HV but we’ll see. We’re both in school but I’ll be graduated before he is and that makes me think about the future.

BaffledBazaar · 2020-08-21T20:38:25+00:00

I love my friends but they are chronic pickmes. They are divorcing passive guys because they're tired of doing all the lifting in the relationship, but they're still trying to pick up guys by making the first move. I don't think they realise how unself-aware they are because they have agreed with me and said they want to be pursued. But then they turn around and say: "He says he wants to see where this goes for now but should I tell him how much I like him??" Girl, you've been there before

Partypuppers · 2020-08-21T17:17:06+00:00

I was invited on a date and I'm already thinking of cancelling it lol.

Yellow flags:

1) Asked me, 'Are you not one to be spontaneous?' when I said I couldn't meet the next day and that I needed more notice for a date. I said it wasn't about spontaneity but that I have a life and I'm busy.

2) He suggested a date location close to him, knowing full well I live on the other side of town. This to me represents low effort/ laziness and a lack of consideration for the other person. He could have easily suggested somewhere of equal distance to us (or closer to me), plus if it's close to him he might suggest going back to his place which is a red flag 👎

3) I asked him what he had in mind for the date. He said 'drinks and maybe some food'. I really don't like the use of 'maybe' in there. Again, low effort.

I told him I would prefer to meet somewhere closer to me and that I don't drink much so would prefer a non-drink based date but honestly I don't know if I'm flogging a dead horse at this point.

Edit: He admitted his original idea was to get drinks and walk around the park 🙄 but after my response has now upped his game after admitting he felt 'told off' lol. He went back and researched better date options and has given me these options to choose from, including meeting at a location of my choosing. I sure as hell ain't travelling to him 🤣

stalient · 2020-08-21T14:54:41+00:00

DAE hate ordering food at a counter? The guy always holds open the door and waits for me to order first, which often causes me to end up paying for myself. I know I can wait for him to order after me, but it's still a situation where I have to first make the move to encourage a guy to pay. I like when the waiter brings the check so that I can see what the guy does without me having to look at him expectantly

Elegant-Stop · 2020-08-21T14:40:24+00:00

Just need to rant because I’m super annoyed.

This clearly rich guy asked me for drinks. I let him know that I don’t drink and so he asks if I want to go for a walk instead.

Are you kidding me?

Also most often when a guy asks me for drinks and I let him know I don’t drink they say “oh it’s an expression, we can get a coffee/juice”. I literally only drink water and I’ve said that and they legit ask me out for water. Of course I decline, but this has now happened countless times and I can’t. I really can’t.

Rant over. Thank you.

littlestarling123 · 2020-08-21T13:56:25+00:00

ended things with guy who was always "too busy" to reply to my texts and constantly bread crumbed me. I am so bummed about it and cannot snap out of it. I keep stopping myself from removing the block and texting him to "please call me so we dont leave things like this." ** edited to add he's an old friend from highschool that i have a ton of mutual friends with. Otherwise i wouldnt even entertain contacting again. This caused me to give him so many passes thinking noooo he's not like that, he doesnt mean it that way, i;m just negative. I may be a little jaded BUT yep he is really like that. and now i am caring less bout the awkward situation HE has created for HIMSELF that will for sure happen in the future. not my responsibility to make it less awkward for him ** I am HIGHLY annoyed with myself and cannot figure out what my deal is. I do really like him but I also know this (all of it) is totally unacceptable.

Avoiding_existence · 2020-08-21T12:06:27+00:00

Struggling with attention from a co-worker who appears like an HVM in person, but like a total loser online. Thank God for social media, I can see all the sleazy things he gets into but for some reason it's not clicking. He's such a gentleman and so put-together in person, it's an insanely stark contrast. I messed up by being too nice to him early on, now he drops by my desk to chitchat and walks with me to and from the lab even though we work in different departments. Hate this!!!! Need to go back to being stone cold but we're working on a project together 😑

misspellmyname99 · 2020-08-21T07:43:31+00:00

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Realistmuch · 2020-08-21T05:11:35+00:00

I’ve been in this on and off dating situationship with a guy, who, I’ve recently discovered, is a serious LVM. While I’ve tried to respectfully distance myself from him from time to time, clearly stating early on that I’m looking for something more stable rather than something as frivolous what I see as the “sexting bootycall pattern”; he keeps trying to reach out to me. What gets me to is his effrontery to always woo me back to this sexting situationship despite me always being clear of my discomfort/lack of interest in the same. Even though I had started to look at this whole situation distantly, realising that the LVM is damaged, I’ve somehow not been able to shake off the feeling of sadness that comes with being treated like this. I’ve literally gone through the whole FDS handbook and it’s been GOLD for me, (I plan to re read it till I see it getting implemented), but I’m still somehow stuck with the grief of being treated like a mere object (what the FDS Handbook refers to as “pornofied dummy”) and cant seem to get over it! Any tips to deal with this?

Disastrous_236 · 2020-08-21T04:43:44+00:00

A little bit ago I got my first job in a customer service position so I tend to be more friendly/open when I'm at work. I think our environment is great and I honestly love working there!! I'm very extroverted, I enjoy talking to people, so I think it's a good fit for me! Most of the women I work with are fucking hilarious and incredibly kind people. However, some of the men that work there are the most repulsive scrotes imaginable. I am a minor in my state. From one of my bosses I've been told these exact words on separate occasions. "I wish you were 25". I called him creepy and he acted angwy towards me for the rest of my shift. "I'm into younger, more babyfaced, girls" 🤢🤢🤢. He is a fat bald man in his 40s and in that same conversation he said that if I was legal he'd "be after" me. I told him that he didn't have a chance and he acted like he didnt know what I meant. Along with being a pedophile, he called my 20 year old coworker a b*tch because "she acts all cute all the time". I told him it's bc she is cute and he said said some shit like "you're cute but you dont act like that". First of all, 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢. Aside from being really disgusting and disrespectful to me and my coworker who I consider a friend, that sounds a whole fucking lot like manipulative scroteshit!!!! 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢 Later at work I found out from her that he had said that about her because he had gotten her phone number from the company phone list, tried to hit her up, failed, and got yelled at by her 18 year old boyfriend. I love her! Queen took no shit!! I can't wait to report this all to his boss but honestly I can see it going both ways. Our franchisee is terrible, understaffed, and sketchy so I'm not sure if it will bring anything good, however his boss is a woman who used to be a motivational speaker for other women so I have some hope!!

_insert_username_1_ · 2020-08-21T03:20:01+00:00

I’m good. I had a hair styling appointment this week. That went well. I finished renovating my bedroom. I plan on renovating my bathroom next. Today, I found out I was hired as a freelance contract tutor. (My salary will be double that of my previous job!) In addition to this, I will be working part-time whilst enrolled in online classes. (Online classes officially start next Monday.) During the last few weeks, I have also been reading, writing poetry, listening to music, practicing yoga, and gardening. I have also taken up photography as a hobby too. :)

Sea_Soil · 2020-08-21T02:02:28+00:00

[deleted]

Partypuppers · 2020-08-21T00:03:05+00:00

I've been invited on a date this weekend. Not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand I'd really love to go and get out of the house, on the other hand this weekend feels a bit soonish, and I don't want to give the impression of being too available even if I have a relatively relaxed weekend ahead. Should I go on a date this weekend or defer to next weekend and use the time to vet him further?

softleather · 2020-08-20T23:54:35+00:00

I see on FDS both that marriage doesn't benefit women, and not to live with a bf before marriage/leave if he doesn't propose within x amount of time.

If marriage is not beneficial, why is that the goal?

miss_gator · 2020-08-20T23:28:53+00:00

I really suck at rejecting people because i try to be too polite about it, or just kind of phase them out.

I feel like men only understand what im doing if im rudely blunt about it. Even though this is usually after 1-2 dates...

Summerisle7 · 2020-08-20T23:13:47+00:00

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rendervelvet · 2020-08-20T21:44:13+00:00

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sjw__7 · 2020-08-20T20:26:45+00:00

What’s the deal with guys on OLD who immediately want to move off the app onto WhatsApp or something?

I like to keep my own messaging channels and accounts for people I’ve actually met in real life. If we go on a date, and I want to see you again, then you can have my phone number. Mostly just to keep my inbox tidy and not full up of dudes I never met in the end.

I don’t understand what is in it for guys to move off-app so quickly? What difference does it make to them whether they are messaging me on Hinge or WhatsApp? I feel like I’m missing something...

Partypuppers · 2020-08-20T20:18:52+00:00

[deleted]

HoneyBouquet · 2020-08-20T19:41:46+00:00

Home update:

My mum announced to me last that she is seeking a divorce from my dad after 27 years.

She showed me the letter she gave to him. Turns out my grandmother forced my mum to marry my dad because she found out my mum's pakistani boyfriend wanted to marry her. My mum does not love my dad. Tbh my dad is a good and mild mannered guy but he is a terrible LV husband to her.

Please keep my family in your prayers as I'm going through a very tough and confusing time at home.

I love both my parents and if my mum wants to seperate from my dad after a lot of thinking, I have chosen to fully support her.

Thank you ❤

In other news, I have been busy looking up my job oppurtunities for UAE next year. I want to save 100k in 4 years. Marriage is not on my mind anymore and an amazing HVM would have to change that. My 25th birthday is coming up so I'm looking at things to treat myself!

babyyouarentalone · 2020-08-20T19:21:23+00:00

After months of staying at my partner’s place (not engaged or married, we’re students) I realized I was providing excessive help around the house, excessive emotional support, and realized this was not worth the free stay. I’m moving out in a few weeks and have backed off helping around the house, established boundaries when I don’t want to give advice/attention, and generally realized I’m not attracted to him anymore. I am working on my personal mental health through readings about codependency and CPTSD. I am so excited for my fresh start completely alone. Also, I’ve realized mild negs on his end (are any negs mild?) through weird comments like an insistence that a small shirt I ordered didn’t actually fit me. He’s also controlling and essentially emotionally constipated. But I always excused that because of his culture. As if anyone makes excuses for me when I fuck up! Counting the days down till I can go.

Thank you for waking me up to the miserable life I was leading before.

Bitemebitch00 · 2020-08-20T18:56:29+00:00

I noticed Becky vs. Dreamgirl isn’t in the handbook anymore. I went looking for it because I needed a reminder with the guy I’m dating. Where did it go and is it still available??

Partyavoider29 · 2020-08-20T18:24:30+00:00

It's interesting how a lot of women agree with FDS principles as long as we don't call them FDS principles. Every time I describe my approach to dating without citing where I learned it from, I'm praised for it. Other women want to try it, too.

I swear, the idea of "all...female...space where...women talk about issues that...specifically effect them" is the only deterrent people in general seem to really have with this sub. As long as they know there isn't a group of us calling bullshit (sound familiar? Oh yeah, it's every feminist movement in history except the one we have now because it makes every effort to accommodate men, which means we don't have to compromise "being nice"), our ideas coming from one of us are "nuanced" and "smart."

I wish packaging mattered less. Like, as long as we don't use any of the "scary" words that "aren't nice!!!" we have a point and we're just looking out for ourselves.

Equipoisonous · 2020-08-20T17:13:35+00:00

How soon should you expect to hear from a guy after a first date? And how long is too long?

I just heard from a guy I went on a first date with 2 weeks ago. I kind of figured he wasn’t interested, but now he’s saying he wants to see me again??

ohhai999 · 2020-08-20T15:52:40+00:00

How do you ladies screen for porn usage? And at what stage of dating do you try to screen for this? I remember reading a post that suggested asking "what category do you watch" so that you don't tip your hand at the answer you're looking for. I'm a bit uncomfortable doing that though, just because I frankly don't want to insinuate that I also watch it. Do I just need to get over that?

indecisiveho · 2020-08-20T13:11:06+00:00

Hi ladies, I need some direction to where I should look in the handbook, if this particular question is covered in it!

I’m dating a guy right now who, when I met, was a veryyyyy LVM (at least there were no drugs, abuse, and he’s athletic+attractive). Over the course of 2 years he’s continually improving, actually works to change, and is a whole new person... but he still has work to do. I definitely mothered him a bit but less so as time goes.

My question is... if he’s making slight but consistent progress, do you put in the time to see him through to HVM status? Where’s the line between “falling for potential” and sticking with a human as they grow?

VulcanSpaceSquirrel · 2020-08-20T12:59:17+00:00

When I was in my mid twenties I went to a party at my friends house. His cousins and her friends, all 18-20, were enamored with me. I was kind and polite and funny and they loved it

One girl felt so comfortable with me that she blurted out probably the most troublesome problem she had at the time. Her ex bf had been using her for sex.

I clammed up and said “I don’t know anything about that” and I felt shame then, the same that I do today. I did not know how to help her. I didn’t have words to articulate or even thoughts to make the words

Girl, if you out there, I been sending good vibes to you remotely. Wishing you good. Hoping you dumped that jerk box and got yourself someone who loves you.

peanutbuttatwix · 2020-08-20T12:09:12+00:00

I just want to put out there that this group has changed my life for the better. I can't believe I was mislead for so long. I grew up with a narc dad, a pickme mom, and brothers. I love them dearly, but this group is the female role model I needed. I was damaged for so long.THANK YOU❤❤❤

hojeongkimsva · 2020-08-20T12:05:08+00:00

After dating several LVM, I decided to stay single and I'm bulking up myself while doing muscle workout recently. Feels so refreshed.

hiitsumi · 2020-08-20T10:24:45+00:00

Hi everyone, lucked out in stumbling across this sub ❤️ just wanted to vent real quick and need some encouragement. Recently cut off a dude for telling him I’m no longer interested in casually hooking up so I’d be down to see him again if he’s interested in seeing where things go. He more or less declined but still stalks all my stories and recently had his friend (or maybe a jealous stalking date) view my stories so idk what that’s about. I keep getting tempted with fantasies to just hit him up and hook up with him cus I know he’ll say yes and it’ll be fun but I’ll just catch more feelings to a guy that doesn’t deserve it! Need some encouragement to not do this lol thanks for sharing ur time with me ❤️

Parking-Act · 2020-08-20T09:20:31+00:00

[deleted]

carameals · 2020-08-20T06:57:18+00:00

Not an English native speaker. I'm not sure anyone would read this lengthy rant, just want to get something off of my chest

"When people try to bring you down it means you're already above them." I've just got a wake up call how true this quote it.

I'm in group chat both online and in person with girls. We talk about dating, relationship, period, beauty, etc. Whenever it comes down to the topic of dating, I have always been the one with the most controversial comments. I believe in what FDS Handbook says (even before I knew reddit existed and before I found this sub). As you may expect, some members of the chat bash and corner me. They bring up pickme arguments like this is not fifties, women and men have to contribute equally in terms of financial, they are okay with plastic wedding ring, we should help men, etc. I've gotten hate messages even from people I don't know.

I've been having the online chat on mute and haven't been attending the gathering (via online now). Today I accidentally opened the chat. And oh Lord what did I see. The two girls that would bash me said that they're overweight and used that as excuse to accept the low of the low from men. They wrote that they had to make their men feel special because nobody has before, they had to compromise and tolerate, and they're actively seeking dating advice on ask men sub. The other girls are struggling with getting their boyfriend committing to them. Their boyfriends live overseas and they have never visited them even before this pandemic. Yet the girls still believe in "love" and "loyalty". One girl was so nervous about her first date with a man, prepared everything, bought new clothes and shoes......and he didn't show up.

I would've recommended this sub to them but they've called this sub trash for only letting women to participate and feminazi for wanting men to treat us well without us jumping through hoops like circus animal. Oh well 🤷🏻‍♀️

honeybeeroll · 2020-08-20T06:47:05+00:00

Just venting about how men are more thirsty than ever due to covid and being locked up for months and watching way too much porn

I went out for a walk bc quarantine has made me lazy and also I needed to buy things for the kitten I will FINALLY have next week! (trying to adopt during this shit has been a nightmare). So walked instead of taking the bus. Some old geezers at outdoor dining stared at me, then some fuckin guy in this claustrophobic 99 cent store hit me with the "how you doin beautiful," on my way back some guy is like "you're gorgeous," some dude screamed "JESUS!" out of his car when I was walking in the street (at me? At life? At the obnoxious HQ of gentrification being built next to my little old building?). I took the bus back part of the way and when I was waiting, some old dude I'd passed by a few houses down says to me "I saw you with your mask and was like oh shit I knew I forgot something! God bless" I didn't even look at him, I just nodded (I didn't want to acknowledge him as all but for my safety I figured this was best) and was thinking "I'm not even making eye contact. Why are you still talking to me."

I'm not even mad, more mystified 😂. I swear I didn't get stared at this much before this. I think part of it is since I don't go out much since not much is open, I also partly lost my tolerance for it. but there's def an increase bc before this I never got catcalled in my neighborhood!! Never!! It's like the catcalling types have appeared out of the woodwork.

I guess I've learned to not let it bother me too much, but it also usually doesn't happen this often. A lot of my friends can't do fucking anything w/o getting sexually harassed. It made me think of women I see posting here on WGTOW or pink pill, who are so angry, feel so disgusted, so throughly dehumanized by this kind of behavior from men. I can brush it off bc I guess I've just accepted this is what I have to deal with, but it makes me so angry how horribly men affect these other women's lives with this disrespectful, stupid shit they do not have to do. They just literally could not and it would greatly improve the lives of many women.

catsarepawsome · 2020-08-20T03:14:56+00:00

Was just thinking back to several first dates where the guy has paid, and in response to me either offering to split the bill, or simply thanking him for the meal, the guy has said something like “you can get the next one.” Bahh.

What do you say in response? Is there even a second date?

JustPeachyyyyyyyy · 2020-08-20T02:50:00+00:00

Does anyone else dream about becoming the single rich aunt in their family? Like I used to want to get married, have kids, etc. But these days all I want to do later in life is to go on luxurious vacations, enjoy being child free, and drop $$$ on the people I love. Maybe a scrotation if I want, but it’s definitely not a need.

strangerinthealps_ · 2020-08-20T01:49:35+00:00

A man and former co-worker whom I considered to be a good friend (until about twenty minutes ago) just asked me via text if we could have sex, “but not too often, maybe once a month or so.” Because if we did start having sex, having it too often would “make him feel like we were in a relationship.”

I just...what? This was the first inappropriate thing he’s ever said to me, and it’s also the last because I blocked him. Time to step up my vetting game in my friendships in addition to my dating life, fucking yikes. No advice needed here, just a reminder to vet, vet, vet, never stop vetting, holy shit, vet. 🤮

StarSweeper86 · 2020-08-20T01:27:04+00:00

I just wanna say that I love FDS, but since reading it daily, I've started viewing men as a whole with a completely different lens. I realize that overall it is a good thing to be cautious, but...how do you guys adhere to FDS principles while still remaining optimistic? I hate thinking badly of a whole group and I feel like it isn't a good practice to just pre-judge and lump every guy into a group like I've noticed myself doing lately. I want to stay on guard and protect myself, but I also don't want to become cold and calloused and that's how I feel lately. Is there a way to achieve a happy medium?

Title	Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered August 20 2020
Author	NecessaryCook
Upvotes	49
Comments	444
Date	August 20, 2020 1:11 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/id0p6r/weekly_fds_chat_checkin_quick_questions_answered/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/weekly-fds-chat-check-in-quick-questions-answered.168708 https://theredarchive.com/post/168708

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